


Falling Apart, Barely Breathing

by bobbiejelly



Series: Gay's Anatomy [2]
Category: Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice
Genre: Best Friends, Emerald City Bar | Joe's Bar (Grey's Anatomy), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Femslash, Friendship, Guess Who's Crushing on Addison Montgomery?, Lesbian, Lesbian Sex, Love, Lust, MerAdd, Pick Me Choose Me Love Me, Romance, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Romance, The Ex-Wife and the Ex-Mistress, joy, meddison
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:13:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 54
Words: 287,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly
Summary: In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there.
Relationships: Meredith Grey & Addison Montgomery, Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery
Series: Gay's Anatomy [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1208253
Comments: 584
Kudos: 190





	1. Bring the Pain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anonymous_sibyl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymous_sibyl/gifts), [EmyLilas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmyLilas/gifts), [MissLuthorsHizzie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissLuthorsHizzie/gifts), [Reviewer_only](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reviewer_only/gifts), [WitchArabella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchArabella/gifts), [lydialyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lydialyn/gifts), [SBWomenofMarvel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SBWomenofMarvel/gifts), [giuu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/giuu/gifts), [tonystarksbutthole](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonystarksbutthole/gifts), [leticia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leticia/gifts), [Hotgitay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hotgitay/gifts), [SHIELDRomanoffMay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHIELDRomanoffMay/gifts), [Latte](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latte/gifts), [legallyblindandrea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/legallyblindandrea/gifts), [brodiebear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brodiebear/gifts), [skeeo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skeeo/gifts), [lexus_grey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexus_grey/gifts), [ReyesSinfulThighs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyesSinfulThighs/gifts), [punky_96](https://archiveofourown.org/users/punky_96/gifts), [Jennifer-Oksana (JenniferOksana)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenniferOksana/gifts), [Tyler F](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Tyler+F), [WenchicusThoticus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WenchicusThoticus/gifts), [Parhelionsol](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Parhelionsol/gifts), [Maddy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maddy/gifts), [RaeDMagdon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaeDMagdon/gifts), [Bluefall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluefall/gifts), [StephyInsanity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StephyInsanity/gifts), [seattlerain879](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seattlerain879/gifts), [lightningmaystrike](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightningmaystrike/gifts), [sydneyb32](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sydneyb32/gifts), [souvenirscar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/souvenirscar/gifts), [Sulay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sulay/gifts), [lanasboobs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanasboobs/gifts), [rosamundyke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosamundyke/gifts), [Touch_of_Venom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Touch_of_Venom/gifts), [plumpoison](https://archiveofourown.org/users/plumpoison/gifts), [jenhardings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenhardings/gifts), [Magniflorious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magniflorious/gifts), [dirtxdxke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirtxdxke/gifts), [QuarterToFour](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuarterToFour/gifts), [Dragon_QueenMorri](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragon_QueenMorri/gifts), [jordynxmarie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jordynxmarie/gifts), [Averos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Averos/gifts), [Alsike](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alsike/gifts), [alettadipollo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alettadipollo/gifts), [meh76](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meh76/gifts), [RedAxel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedAxel/gifts), [wendigoner](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendigoner/gifts), [SilverFox1305](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverFox1305/gifts), [Myrtlethemermaid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myrtlethemermaid/gifts), [screwURanonymity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/screwURanonymity/gifts), [TheHT](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHT/gifts), [Bbhoopsgirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bbhoopsgirl/gifts), [JustAnotherFanGirl41319](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherFanGirl41319/gifts), [pao47](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pao47/gifts), [Unstoppable4ce](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unstoppable4ce/gifts), [emlovesg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emlovesg/gifts), [Jextrice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jextrice/gifts), [User_lX](https://archiveofourown.org/users/User_lX/gifts), [mumihp](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumihp/gifts), [Misreadconvenience](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misreadconvenience/gifts), [Markirya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Markirya/gifts), [LordofLezzies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordofLezzies/gifts), [TheQueenOfPassiveAggressiva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheQueenOfPassiveAggressiva/gifts), [QueenGreen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenGreen/gifts), [Jaws9760](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaws9760/gifts), [FanFicRocks0651](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicRocks0651/gifts), [Emmm_mmme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmm_mmme/gifts), [row_in_nowhere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/row_in_nowhere/gifts), [TheCloudmaker47](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCloudmaker47/gifts), [ThegHostofYourHeaRt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThegHostofYourHeaRt/gifts), [247Bookworm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/247Bookworm/gifts), [luckster31](https://archiveofourown.org/users/luckster31/gifts), [petiteroses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/petiteroses/gifts), [Spectrum_Ray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spectrum_Ray/gifts), [GreenSky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenSky/gifts), [AwesomeGirl5628](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwesomeGirl5628/gifts), [fujifilms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fujifilms/gifts), [selectiveyellow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/selectiveyellow/gifts), [SassyHBIC](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassyHBIC/gifts), [Lilomaus223](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilomaus223/gifts), [SearchingforSerendipity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SearchingforSerendipity/gifts), [polako17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/polako17/gifts), [lespians](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lespians/gifts), [dannytok](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dannytok/gifts), [CapelessCrusader](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapelessCrusader/gifts), [addiesbaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/addiesbaby/gifts), [Lullabies3232](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lullabies3232/gifts), [tbelcha15](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbelcha15/gifts), [Lylam61408](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lylam61408/gifts), [Sammy_McCallister](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammy_McCallister/gifts), [chrysalismetamorphosis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrysalismetamorphosis/gifts), [653d21](https://archiveofourown.org/users/653d21/gifts), [izobelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/izobelle/gifts), [icedcoffeeandgayshxt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedcoffeeandgayshxt/gifts), [becarefulcontentspriceless](https://archiveofourown.org/users/becarefulcontentspriceless/gifts), [Sleepy_bee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleepy_bee/gifts), [iambjo12](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iambjo12/gifts), [sfl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sfl/gifts), [jmthomp](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jmthomp/gifts), [evattude](https://archiveofourown.org/users/evattude/gifts), [AlwaysChallenged](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysChallenged/gifts), [MsReader2016](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsReader2016/gifts), [youtube_lover01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/youtube_lover01/gifts), [TimeTurnedFragile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeTurnedFragile/gifts), [invisiblemachinery](https://archiveofourown.org/users/invisiblemachinery/gifts), [Midnight_Shadow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midnight_Shadow/gifts), [Mbufton12](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mbufton12/gifts), [twinpines](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinpines/gifts), [skidney](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skidney/gifts), [bugzadc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bugzadc/gifts), [Angy1999](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angy1999/gifts), [falsesense](https://archiveofourown.org/users/falsesense/gifts), [contentmint](https://archiveofourown.org/users/contentmint/gifts), [FutureMD2023](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FutureMD2023/gifts), [teruyuu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/teruyuu/gifts), [bg3929](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bg3929/gifts), [Ariel_Blackrose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ariel_Blackrose/gifts), [calagl81](https://archiveofourown.org/users/calagl81/gifts), [Seldom_naughty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seldom_naughty/gifts), [Swenscorp](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swenscorp/gifts), [QueenNan1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenNan1/gifts), [Daisyorlena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daisyorlena/gifts), [TheStorywriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStorywriter/gifts), [Tamoline](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamoline/gifts), [xyloluvr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xyloluvr/gifts), [sappel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sappel/gifts), [poehlerbear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/poehlerbear/gifts), [mixtapesandsunsets](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mixtapesandsunsets/gifts), [clayrlibrarian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/clayrlibrarian/gifts), [becomeatwist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/becomeatwist/gifts), [RevolvingInk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RevolvingInk/gifts), [gleek89maryjo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gleek89maryjo/gifts), [Lisbeth_ICanBe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisbeth_ICanBe/gifts), [theagonyofblank](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theagonyofblank/gifts), [TheNetflixGal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNetflixGal/gifts), [aymr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aymr/gifts), [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/gifts), [Jaina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaina/gifts), [tornyourdress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tornyourdress/gifts), [pirateygoodness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pirateygoodness/gifts), [flipflop_diva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/gifts), [waltzmatildah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/waltzmatildah/gifts), [demoka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/demoka/gifts), [Rizzleslvr72](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rizzleslvr72/gifts), [AmeliasMistletoe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmeliasMistletoe/gifts), [safertohateher](https://archiveofourown.org/users/safertohateher/gifts), [WhatwouldagentScullydo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatwouldagentScullydo/gifts), [gaylock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaylock/gifts), [mellivias](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellivias/gifts), [ReadingIsEverything](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReadingIsEverything/gifts), [AFey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFey/gifts), [Starlord25](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlord25/gifts), [hestervandal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hestervandal/gifts), [SassyKissMyAssy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassyKissMyAssy/gifts), [prettylittlegilmoregirls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettylittlegilmoregirls/gifts), [mrs_themonarch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrs_themonarch/gifts), [lmao_wyld](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmao_wyld/gifts), [EddyWrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EddyWrites/gifts), [HyoSooHarem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyoSooHarem/gifts), [witchy_slut](https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchy_slut/gifts), [AddisonAddek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AddisonAddek/gifts), [MeetMeAtTheEndOfTheUniverse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeetMeAtTheEndOfTheUniverse/gifts), [hollywood13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollywood13/gifts), [Bi_myself2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bi_myself2/gifts), [Kristin_Aubrie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kristin_Aubrie/gifts), [LarisUSB](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarisUSB/gifts), [Nightfire6487](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightfire6487/gifts), [Aissvarya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aissvarya/gifts), [Arissen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arissen/gifts), [Soysauce](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soysauce/gifts), [SarcasmIsKey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasmIsKey/gifts), [ryinmhg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryinmhg/gifts), [tisziny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisziny/gifts), [earpsdimples](https://archiveofourown.org/users/earpsdimples/gifts), [Ace_of_the_garden11](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ace_of_the_garden11/gifts), [svntivgo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/svntivgo/gifts), [GabyBio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GabyBio/gifts), [Vanilla97](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanilla97/gifts), [CPDLS](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CPDLS/gifts), [luthorslena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/luthorslena/gifts), [geralove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/geralove/gifts), [eunicenobregaa1998](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eunicenobregaa1998/gifts), [pclauink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pclauink/gifts), [KarasCupOfTea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarasCupOfTea/gifts), [lenalxthors](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lenalxthors/gifts), [leonhart_17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leonhart_17/gifts), [indiaskye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/indiaskye/gifts), [f_femslash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/f_femslash/gifts), [poco_piano](https://archiveofourown.org/users/poco_piano/gifts), [tatsunoko_pioneer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatsunoko_pioneer/gifts), [Quillion523](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quillion523/gifts), [ellabellabingbong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellabellabingbong/gifts), [ThatWinchesterGirl67](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWinchesterGirl67/gifts), [february28](https://archiveofourown.org/users/february28/gifts), [Megna96](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megna96/gifts), [Ye_Feral_Gremlin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ye_Feral_Gremlin/gifts), [AussiRayne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AussiRayne/gifts), [Lesbian_Propaganda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lesbian_Propaganda/gifts), [kbecks41319](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kbecks41319/gifts), [beerbad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beerbad/gifts), [endgirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/endgirl/gifts), [ryleewrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryleewrites/gifts), [Addie_queen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Addie_queen/gifts), [roughian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/roughian/gifts), [AmandaRibeiro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaRibeiro/gifts), [JustAPersonReading](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAPersonReading/gifts), [The Raven (theravenyesthatone)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theravenyesthatone/gifts).
  * Inspired by [New Color (On My Bare Walls)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/277852) by [mammothluv](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mammothluv/pseuds/mammothluv). 
  * Inspired by [Sex and Caring in Seattle](https://archiveofourown.org/works/157220) by [Bluefall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluefall/pseuds/Bluefall). 
  * Inspired by [Punch](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10512411) by [LordofLezzies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordofLezzies/pseuds/LordofLezzies). 
  * Inspired by [Milk & Marble](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23195) by [anonymous_sibyl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymous_sibyl/pseuds/anonymous_sibyl). 
  * Inspired by [Letters to A.M.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18365300) by [aymr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aymr/pseuds/aymr). 
  * Inspired by [A Story About A Pairing That Will Never Stop Being Hot.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/114645) by [lone_lilly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lone_lilly/pseuds/lone_lilly). 
  * Inspired by [I Think I'm Growing Into Someone (You Could Trust)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8319454) by [StephyInsanity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StephyInsanity/pseuds/StephyInsanity). 
  * Inspired by [Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14151828) by [lespians](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lespians/pseuds/lespians). 
  * Inspired by [Heavy Rain](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22620025) by [lydialyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lydialyn/pseuds/lydialyn). 
  * Inspired by [What Happens Here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22194943) by [seattlerain879](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seattlerain879/pseuds/seattlerain879). 
  * Inspired by ["Trop beau".](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21357958) by [EmyLilas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmyLilas/pseuds/EmyLilas). 
  * Inspired by [Something Beautiful](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/580765) by LezBeDaisy. 
  * Inspired by [The Journey To Be Here](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/580771) by LezBeDaisy. 
  * Inspired by [MerAdd OneShots](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/580774) by LezBeDaisy. 
  * Inspired by [The Curve Of Everything](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/580777) by LezBeDaisy. 
  * Inspired by [Five Times](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/580783) by LezBeDaisy. 
  * Inspired by [When I Fall](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/580852) by Ziny-DiNozzo. 
  * Inspired by [In Your Arms](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/580855) by Ziny-DiNozzo. 
  * Inspired by [On Call Room Magic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5471489) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account). 
  * Inspired by [When I Fall](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/580858) by Ziny-DiNozzo. 
  * Inspired by [In Your Arms](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/580861) by Ziny-DiNozzo. 
  * Inspired by [I'll Never Leave](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/580864) by iamkellylouise. 
  * Inspired by [3way Gone Wrong](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/581422) by authorjazmyne. 
  * Inspired by [A Meeting of Exes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/114739) by [Jaina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaina/pseuds/Jaina). 
  * Inspired by [This is the Story of Addison & Meredith](https://archiveofourown.org/works/230443) by [theagonyofblank](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theagonyofblank/pseuds/theagonyofblank). 
  * Inspired by [Absolution](https://archiveofourown.org/works/37813) by [tornyourdress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tornyourdress/pseuds/tornyourdress). 
  * Inspired by [Unintentionally](https://archiveofourown.org/works/77499) by [shopfront](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shopfront/pseuds/shopfront). 
  * Inspired by [Gauss, Dogs and Sleepovers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21119510) by [Vesja (SugarsweetRomantic)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SugarsweetRomantic/pseuds/Vesja). 
  * Inspired by [Climbing Up the Walls With You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4131090) by [waltzmatildah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/waltzmatildah/pseuds/waltzmatildah). 
  * Inspired by [If You Think I'm Cute You Should See My Mum](https://archiveofourown.org/works/431075) by [demoka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/demoka/pseuds/demoka). 
  * Inspired by [Heart of the Matter](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1811395) by [Rizzleslvr72](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rizzleslvr72/pseuds/Rizzleslvr72). 
  * Inspired by [Snowed In](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3979252) by [AmeliasMistletoe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmeliasMistletoe/pseuds/AmeliasMistletoe). 
  * Inspired by [On Call Room Magic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5471489) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account). 
  * Inspired by [A Little Bit Longer...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7556698) by [WhatwouldagentScullydo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatwouldagentScullydo/pseuds/WhatwouldagentScullydo). 
  * Inspired by [Twister Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5988475) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account). 
  * Inspired by [You're My Something Else](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8007751) by [gaylock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaylock/pseuds/gaylock). 
  * Inspired by [Not Easy to Hate](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9674420) by [mellivias](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellivias/pseuds/mellivias). 
  * Inspired by [For Worse Or For Better](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11459508) by [ReadingIsEverything](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReadingIsEverything/pseuds/ReadingIsEverything). 
  * Inspired by [Sounds of Seattle](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8493289) by [AFey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFey/pseuds/AFey). 
  * Inspired by [Love is Strange](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10965243) by [Starlord25](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlord25/pseuds/Starlord25). 
  * Inspired by [Joe's vs Divorce](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11456526) by [iambjo12](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iambjo12/pseuds/iambjo12). 
  * Inspired by [Valentine's Day](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13771143) by [hestervandal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hestervandal/pseuds/hestervandal). 
  * Inspired by [Of Drinks and Chance Encounters](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14708102) by [addiesbaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/addiesbaby/pseuds/addiesbaby). 
  * Inspired by [It's not him, It's you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14903654) by [SassyKissMyAssy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassyKissMyAssy/pseuds/SassyKissMyAssy). 
  * Inspired by [Not Just the Girl in the Bar](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15602430) by [prettylittlegilmoregirls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettylittlegilmoregirls/pseuds/prettylittlegilmoregirls). 
  * Inspired by [What Did She Say Again?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15970376) by [mrs_themonarch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrs_themonarch/pseuds/mrs_themonarch). 
  * Inspired by [Cold Blooded](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16183577) by [lmao_wyld](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmao_wyld/pseuds/lmao_wyld). 
  * Inspired by [A Rescue From The Rain](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17948213) by [EddyWrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EddyWrites/pseuds/EddyWrites). 
  * Inspired by [The Slutty Mistress and the Adulterous Bitch](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18132440) by [TheHT](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHT/pseuds/TheHT). 
  * Inspired by [We Shouldn't Be](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18526195) by [HyoSooHarem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyoSooHarem/pseuds/HyoSooHarem). 
  * Inspired by [Breaking Point](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18697246) by [witchy_slut](https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchy_slut/pseuds/witchy_slut). 
  * Inspired by [oh the river (it's running free)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18815716) by [nostradamusO](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nostradamusO/pseuds/nostradamusO). 
  * Inspired by [Karma](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19126564) by [AddisonAddek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AddisonAddek/pseuds/AddisonAddek). 
  * Inspired by [Dangerous Curves](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21003185) by [MeetMeAtTheEndOfTheUniverse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeetMeAtTheEndOfTheUniverse/pseuds/MeetMeAtTheEndOfTheUniverse). 
  * Inspired by [Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14151828) by [lespians](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lespians/pseuds/lespians). 
  * Inspired by [Truth or dare](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23411452) by [EmyLilas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmyLilas/pseuds/EmyLilas). 
  * Inspired by [One of Those Nights](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/581434) by authorjazmyne. 
  * Inspired by [Brown Sugar And Lavender](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/592147) by Deipotent_Daisy. 
  * Inspired by [Lavender Desires](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/592153) by houseofscalpels. 
  * Inspired by [The Mistress And The Wife](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/592165) by sagivens123. 
  * Inspired by [Roomates](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/592177) by DreamByTheDay. 
  * Inspired by [One Shots of Meredith Grey and Addison Forbes Montgomery](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/592183) by gagirly1. 
  * Inspired by [We Shouldn't Be](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/592189) by KaneshaMccalla. 
  * Inspired by [Never Gonna Give You Up -Meradd](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/592195) by ShadowLions. 
  * Inspired by [When The Snow Falls // Meredith X Addison](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/592204) by heyk8telyn. 
  * Inspired by [Grey's Anatomy OneShots](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/592210) by houseofscalpels. 
  * Inspired by [Stuck With You](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/592222) by MarleeGrey. 
  * Inspired by [Can I go where you go?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23726125) by [lightningmaystrike](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightningmaystrike/pseuds/lightningmaystrike). 
  * Inspired by [I’ve missed you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23706499) by [TheNetflixGal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNetflixGal/pseuds/TheNetflixGal). 
  * Inspired by [McKisses and McStitches](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23768341) by [Kristin_Aubrie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kristin_Aubrie/pseuds/Kristin_Aubrie). 
  * Inspired by [Soothe](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004) by [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly). 
  * Inspired by [After Italian](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24078883) by [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly). 
  * Inspired by [Cinnamon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24201019) by [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly). 
  * Inspired by [Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160) by [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly). 
  * Inspired by [I Tried To Hate You (But Somewhere Along The Line I Fell In Love)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24797041) by [ThatWinchesterGirl67](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWinchesterGirl67/pseuds/ThatWinchesterGirl67). 
  * Inspired by [Bubble](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24426472) by [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly). 
  * Inspired by [Domino Effect](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25709683) by [The Raven (theravenyesthatone)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theravenyesthatone/pseuds/The%20Raven). 



> Musings on a rewatch of Season Two :D :D :D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're not Derek..."
> 
> Meredith Grey slurs before she even looks up to see that the person behind her, not only is it certainly not Derek Christopher Shepherd, but it is the one person she least expected to greet her with her own name that night at the bar this very evening.
> 
> "I'm not Derek," says Addison Forbes Montgomery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well wow already some people have left some beautiful reviews so I'm shining on those!

* * *

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480/chapters/56169448)

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there._

* * *

**[Chapter 1:](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480/chapters/56169448) Bring The Pain**

* * *

"You're not Derek..."

Meredith Grey slurs before she even looks up to see that the person behind her, not only is it certainly not Derek Christopher Shepherd, but it is the one person she least expected to greet her with her own name that night at the bar this very evening.

"I'm not Derek," says Addison Forbes Montgomery.

She is out of her hospital clothes again and she's dressed to the nines in those beautiful pearls that accentuate her curves in her long black dress that always makes Addison seem to Meredith even more formidable than she already was in the first place.

"Where IS Derek?"

Meredith insists and she's sure she's about lost it now because if Derek didn't come to meet her at the bar then surely he'd be at home with his wife, right and so _surely_ his wife wouldn't be - shouldn't be- standing right behind her in this godforsaken place without her godforsaken husband or ex-husband or whoever he was to her - to him - to whomever.

"He's not coming," Addison says flatly.

And the compassion in Addison's voice is carrying over into her speech now and it's making Meredith even more confused. Why on earth would Addison be standing right behind her, sounding sad about being alone? Why is she _here_ without _Derek_ on this disgustingly rainy evening - when she could be holed up in that trailer of his in his arms or something sickly domestic and refined like what real married people with real jobs and real lives do.

* * *

"How did you even know he was supposed to be coming?" Meredith asks and she's not entirely sure why Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd is still answering the long list of questions because it's not like she's ever cared to answer any of Meredith Grey's questions before.

"He told me," Addison says simply as if that says it all.

And the weight of Addison's words sinks into Meredith's bones as she's just about realized that that means that Doctor Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd has heard a Derek Shepherd impersonation of Meredith Grey's voice pleading to him to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" and that he's shared that with the very last person on earth that she'd want to hear those words that had come out of her mouth.

"Oh god just bring the pain already just pile it all on top of itself," Meredith says frustratedly.

"He told me he wasn't sure whether or not he was going to pick you or me, in the end. And before Derek could ever decide, I decided to decide and I decided to end it all for both of us. I left him. For good." Addison says sadly and now Meredith Grey is absolutely sure she can hear the compassion creeping into Addison's words.

And she's so _sure_ that Addison's voice is going to break if Meredith makes her keep talking again.

And so Meredith doesn't.

* * *

Instead, Meredith slides her purse and her coat off of the barstool and gestures to the other doctor.

And as she looks up into Addison's eyes for the first time she has that evening, she offers for her, to sit-

And Addison does.

* * *

*****

*****

*****

*****

*****

*******END OF CHAPTER 1**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

At its inception, "Falling Apart, Barely Breathing," was written one chapter a day, from April 1st through April 30th, 2020. Subsequently, the first 40 chapters were finished in a total of 42 days. Since then, it's updates have been sporadic but always up and coming, in general. I'd like to thank everyone who has taken the time to read this work so far; it's the closest thing I'll probably ever come to a 'masterwork,' and all of the encouragement along the way has been magical. Take care, and have a great one! With love,

###  [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	2. Chapter 2: Into You Like A Train

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He didn’t deserve the love that either of us had to offer” she finishes her sentence honestly.
> 
> And Meredith doesn’t answer back immediately as Addison had, she sort of stares right back at her as if she’s rolling the words inside of her mind and she’s trying to spin them into a way that they make sense to her. 
> 
> “But how the hell do you know what kind of love I deserve?” Meredith asks of Addison finally. As if she REALLY wants to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to the lovely reviews on the start of this story ! Hope you enjoy the next installment and let me know what you think ! Cheers !
> 
> Ps. There's a pretty direct and specific reference here to another work that I may or may not have referenced also in "Roller Coasters To Infinity". Let's see if you can spot this one.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Into You Like A Train**

* * *

"How do you know he's not coming?" Meredith asks Addison again. "I know you said he told you but what did he say about why?" Meredith clarifies and Addison clears her throat to answer.

"He said he had to take some time to think and figure things out," Addison said. "He said he'd been looking for me all day. I said he'd finally found me. I asked him if he was going to sign the divorce papers or not. And then he told me what you said. And then he cried a little. And then he drank a whole lot. And finally, he said he'd sign our divorce papers if he had our lawyers talk to each other and if he'd had a little less to drink already" Addison continued.

"Scotch," Meredith says simply. "Scotch," says Addison sadly. "Coming right up," says the bartender and Meredith's too weak to make a big deal of his misunderstanding so Addison waves her hand over the bar to be clear that when she and Meredith had said "Scotch." together that it wasn't because they'd wanted one it was because they're Doctor Shepherd's favorite drink that he was drunk off of right now, probably and that neither of them is his greatest fan for the moment.

It occurs to Meredith then that it's possible that Addison was only lying to her when she said that Derek wasn't coming and that maybe he actually was and she knew that and Addison just didn't want to see him score.

* * *

_But when Meredith looks up at Addison's scared expression again,_

_Somehow she knows that no matter what she has ever thought or used to think-_

_About Addison Montgomery-Shepherd;_

_That she isn't a liar._

_Addison isn't lying to her tonight, about this, at least._

* * *

And the realization washes over Meredith then as she starts to feel sorry for Addison.

For having come out to Joes, having come out to her all the way here.

Just to tell her that one sentence, that she is 'not Derek.'

And that 'Derek isn't coming'. 

That 'Derek isn't coming' back. For either of them. 

* * *

"I'll take the tequila instead" Meredith insists in a rough and low voice as she nods as if to thank Addison for speaking up for them and then she adds "and add one to my tab for her, too, please" before gesturing towards Addison's surprised sort of half-smile and binging the plate of pretzels closer to where they'd been sitting.

"So." Meredith starts. "So." Mirrors Addison back at her.

"So why didn't you let Derek pick me or choose you or love either one of us?" asks Meredith in a questioning tone. But as if she's genuinely curious and not as if she's angry she didn't give Derek a chance to consider her as an option. Or to consider HER as an option...?

"Because he didn't deserve to," Addison answers almost immediately.

"He doesn't deserve the love that either of us had to offer him" she finishes her sentence honestly.

* * *

And Meredith doesn't answer back immediately as Addison had, she sort of stares right back at her as if she's rolling the words inside of her mind and she's trying to spin them into a way that they make sense to her.

"But how the hell do you know what kind of love I deserve?" Meredith asks of Addison finally. As if she REALLY wants to know.

"Meredith, I think we accept the love we think we deserve," Addison says softly.

And she's looking her right in the eye but the cloudy look in those pale green eyes tells Meredith that she's somewhere else entirely.

And then Meredith realizes that in saying that to her that Addison is also saying that phrase about herself, and it stops her in her tracks for a second.

And for some unreasonable reason, it makes her want to reach out and lay her hands on top of Addison's hands and give them a reassuring squeeze. But she doesn't. She continues with what she was going to say anyway.

"Hell, you hardly know me. " Meredith says even more desperately. She feels like she's shouting even though she's hardly speaking above a whisper.

"You met me after flying in from New York to tell me that I'm the woman who's been screwing your husband and you barely have spoken a word to me except to tell me that you don't want someone who doesn't love you but if there's the slightest chance that Derek does that you're not leaving Seattle," Meredith says all of that in one breath.

Addison sighs at that one. That hadn't been one of her finest moments in Seattle, so to speak.

* * *

"How have you not left Seattle then if he doesn't love you no more" now Meredith has started to slur her words a little more than the last time.

"He still has to sign the divorce papers and so do I" Addison answers curtly before she looks up into Meredith's eyes and she realizes that that in no way suffices as an answer.

"Besides," Addison continues. "I see no reason not to enjoy one of my last few free nights in Seattle before I go," she says in a sort of sad but hopeful tone and Meredith thinks that the glint of 'almost optimistic and hopeful' tearing through Addison's tearful tone might just be even sadder than the just plain regular sad Addison Montgomery-Shepherd voice she's gotten to know so well over the past couple of hours.

Addison looks down as she reaches her right hand to her left hand as a habit to worry a set of rings on her finger that aren't there anymore and for some reason, Meredith doesn't take the comfort in the motion that her situation would suggest she might have.

"Well enjoy the rain while you can" Meredith stirs as she finally looks up and answers Addison with a sigh. "In Seattle when it rains, it pours" she sighs again sharply as if she were speaking metaphorically now about the both of their sad sad lifestyle that's caused for them to wait out here like some blithering idiots for someone who is clearly not coming despite what their stupid blind and darling hopes might say.

* * *

"I was into that man like a train" Meredith tries to explain. "Like it was going at full speed and I just wanted to ride it so badly that I just walked right in front of it and impaled in a gazillion places" she tries to conjure up an image but seems to be failing spectacularly at the metaphors at the moment.

"See, you saying that you wanted to ride my husband so badly would have sounded kinda dirty if you didn't just go on to say that being with him felt a bit like you're being hit by a semi afterward" Addison chuckles at her.

"Well, it seems like at least someone is getting something out of my misery at least it's my sense of humor" Meredith sighs.

"So why are you here alone anyway?" Addison asks Meredith.

"I could ask you the same" Meredith reacts right back.

"But you have your best friends here, why aren't they here forgetting all of the terrible trials that have happened to them too?" Addison inquires sincerely.

"Well my friends started here until I sent them away with how pathetic I was being and I think they're at Seattle Grace now trolling for cool surgeries. And I'm too drunk to join them" Meredith speaks up. "Still I don't blame them there are sometimes cool cases that come in this late at night" Meredith continues.

"Sure there are and sometimes there aren't and I guess it's all luck is the name of the game," Addison says wisely.

* * *

"So why are you out here all alone anyway?" Meredith asks again as if she's suddenly remembered she hasn't gotten an answer out of Addison yet.

"Well unlike you I don't really have any friends here in Seattle," says Addison. "I came out here to get Derek back and I have all of my other friends in New York so really right now all I have for friends is the alcohol," Addison says, and as she says it she realizes how pathetic it must all sound. "And I think I might be drunk also," Addison adds as well.

"So you have no one to drink with you," Meredith asks.

"So I have no one to drink with me," Addison answered.

"So you're drinking with me," Meredith asks another question.

"Yes, so I'm drinking with you" Addison answers again but without all the bitterness that either of them would expect to come out of Addison's mouth after all of that alcohol in her system has lifted her inhibitions.

"Well cheers to the I slept with Derek and now life sucks club" Meredith raises her glass as if it were a nod.

"Cheers to another" Addison raises her glass in return and nods back.

* * *

Somewhere along in the bitterness Meredith might have expected Addison to chew her out or to demean her for all the damage she's done to her marriage, or for Meredith to chew Addison out or to demean her for cheating on Derek with Mark or for telling her she shouldn't go back to him right away.

But Addison doesn't. And Meredith doesn't. And neither of them wants to try to even go there now.

So instead they just sit together, feeling all alone in the Emerald City Bar as they stir their drinks with their straws and let the sharp bite of the ice cubes feel cool upon their weary lips.

* * *

And for some inexplicable reason Meredith and Addison each feel somehow soothed by the solemn grace that is their current and unlikely companionship.

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

******* END OF CHAPTER 2**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a good one everyone and let me know if you'd be liking more to this one


	3. Something to Talk About

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Just so you know ladies it’s the last call so if you want anything more to drink then ask me now, and after three-thirty, we close the bar so you’d best be calling yourself a cab by then so you’re not stuck outside in the rain,” Joe says softly as he’s sympathetic to both women’s plight.
> 
> “Do you want another?” Addison offers to Meredith. “I think I owe you one” She answers her own question and Addison motions for Joe for one last refill for both Meredith and herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it was written and I couldn't resist posting another chapter of this one because I've fallen in love with writing it more than some of my other stories. Still obsessed with MerAdd pairings (Ahem to those people who've vaguely promised they'd start writing their stories so I can read them and comment back I SEE YOU! LOL). Anyways hope you'll show some love for this one as the next chapter may or may never be written and the plotline is a total work in progress. Additionally, sometimes often I go back and fix mistakes or edit earlier chapters so feel free to re-read to spot the new. Cheers!

* * *

**Chapter 3: Something to Talk About**

* * *

“Just so you know ladies it’s the last call so if you want anything more to drink then ask me now, and after three-thirty, we close the bar so you’d best be calling yourself a cab by then so you’re not stuck outside in the rain,” Joe says softly as he’s sympathetic to both women’s plight.

“Do you want another?” Addison offers to Meredith. “I think I owe you one” She answers her own question and Addison motions for Joe for one last refill for both Meredith and herself. 

“You know this has been kind of nice” Meredith admits to Addison in her drunk and weary state. “You’re really not as bad as I wish you were” she sighs and Addison smiles softly at that and doesn’t press her to tell anything more about that.

“You’re not too terrible yourself” Addison sighs to herself. “Normally I don’t do my drinking with interns but normally I don't drink myself under the table either,” she says. 

“You’re getting a _divorce,”_ Meredith says emphatically. “You’re allowed to drink yourself under the table for days if you want to,” she offers.

“I don’t think I want to drink myself under the table for _days”_ Addison answers Meredith sympathetically. 

* * *

“The first time I was drunk for an entire two weeks the first time my mother didn’t remember me” Meredith sighs. 

“I’m sorry,” says Addison simply.

“Doctor Ellis Grey was not an easy woman,” says Meredith. “She was tough on everybody. Wanted them to only be ordinary so she could be extraordinary’ she says, or at least that’s the way it felt to me, being her daughter and all” Meredith concludes.

“My mother was not an easy woman either” Addison replies as she realizes she hasn’t really told many people that ever. “Bizzy Forbes,” Addison begins and Meredith is trying to wrap her head around whether or not she’s heard that name but she can’t place it right now. “She had the highest standards for our family as well. She would never let us cry in front of other people and she would never want us to cry outside of our rooms” she sighed. “And I guess I’ve picked up on that habit,” Addison says with a humph.

“Well I guess somehow we do have something to talk about,” says Meredith weakly.

“I guess we do,” says Addison, sounding sort of surprised at herself.

Meredith takes another gulp of her tequila now, not bothering to nurse the drink in tiny sips as Addison had been.

  
  


* * *

“Thank you for letting me know that I'm not a total washout for wasting all my time here staring at nothing as my name changes from Doctor Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd to Doctor Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery-Nothing” Addison sighs.

“Jesus, Addison! If I had a name that was that _long_ I swear I’d be jumping for joy if I were losing the one at the end of it” Meredith exclaims before she can think better of saying something as absurd as what she just did say.

“Well you see my parents they wanted to hyphenate but then they never added the hyphen and the Adrienne part is only my middle name and most people don’t ever say that one out loud anyways and the Shepherd part was for Derek because we wanted to be all grown up and cool when we married and the Addison part is just for my first name” she explains. 

And Meredith swears she starts laughing alongside Addison because if that’s not the longest explanation she’s ever heard for an even longer name then she’s not sure she’ll be able to keep breathing if she hears about Addison’s drunken explanation about a deeper meaning of the “Forbes” and the “Montgomery” parts.

The laughing vibrates deep into their chests now and if there had been a ten-tonne stack of bricks that had hit them over the head earlier at least now it might feel like at least a few of them had been lifted up and away. 

  
  


* * *

As the laughter drifted off at its natural end, some of the sadness returned to their faces but not every once of it. 

Addison notices that the frown that had been working its way in Meredith’s forehead has been lessened. Meredith notices that the weary look in Addison’s eyes is no longer as worried as before.

When the frown returns in its full form Addison asks her right away, “Meredith what’s wrong” she says in the way a concerned friend might ask her.

“My friends are all going to ask if he came back to me the moment I walked through my front door” Meredith answers. “Unless they’ve gotten some super cool surgery which I think that they have not because neither of us has been paged then they’re going to be back at my house watching surgical tapes of my mother while waiting for me to come home and to tell them my McDreamy is my McDreamy again and I just -” Meredith’s voice breaks. 

“I just _can't,_ ” Meredith concludes and Addison can tell that she really truly means it. 

  
  


* * *

“Hmm, I guess if it were me and I had to walk into a party at my own place right now either at the Hamptons or at the Brownstone then I guess I wouldn't be super thrilled about that one either” Addison offers.

“I just wish all the McDreamy talk and the Derek talk would just all wash away” Meredith sighs.”How did you let it all wash away?” Meredith says wistfully.

“I mean here you had my McDreamy and you walked in here all McHot - all _leggy and_ _fabulous_ and _annoyingly kind_ and _painfully smart and_ you’re _really_ _not easy to hate, y_ ou know! You save _babies_. You _saved_ _my best friend_. Hell, You’re even _helping me, here;_ listening to all of my stupid McProblems with all the stupid McBoys and their stupid boy penises and I know you've got a lot going on right now - But I have to warn you that I’m very well aware that I’m a vapid narcissist when I’m drunk” Meredith rants.

“We’re over, Meredith” Addison confirms because apparently she has to again and she gestures to her blank ring finger so Meredith knows that she’s referring to herself and Derek.

“Yeah yeah you’re over and yada yada yada but here I am having to be comforted by you when I’m the one who so stupidly thought that this beautiful man could be in love with _me_ and then that McBastard was McMarried and now I think I’m going to McVomit” Meredith yelps because that last one was not a euphemism at all.

* * *

“Ok, ok, ok” Addison rushes as she guides Meredith by a hand wrapped around her shoulders to the bathroom where she holds her hair as Meredith gets sick as Addison wraps her hair into a ponytail to keep it away from her face as rubs soothing circles around her back. 

“Ughhh,” Meredith says as she collapses on the bottom of the floor and she leans against the stall of the dirty bar bathroom with her eyes squeezed shut and a tear running down her face. 

“I hate this day,” Meredith says.

“I hate this day too,” Addison says.

And Addison props herself against the bar bathroom stall door and she keeps on rubbing the younger woman’s back as she wraps her arm around her bony shoulders.

“I’m lonely, I'm really fucking lonely,” Meredith says and it rips a tear all through Addison’s chest.

“I’m really fucking lonely, too,” Addison also says as she sighs and it makes Meredith want to soothe her worried look.

They sit there for a moment and they both independently consider becoming like, friends or “whatever” but then they think more of it and so they don’t say anything more. 

Wordlessly, Meredith picks herself off of her place on the floor and she begins to rinse out her mouth and wash her hands at the sink.

She’s looking into the mirror now and trying her damndest to make herself look like Meredith and Addison looks at Meredith in the mirror from where she’s now standing between the stall doors.

* * *

“You look okay, Grey” Addison offers and she can see how Meredith is smiling just a little bit back at her through the mirror. Meredith mulls these words over as she smoothes out her lipstick again. “Thanks” Meredith replies in a way that Addison knows she’s not just talking about the compliment, she’s talking about the evening and the hair holding and all of it.

“You look not too bad yourself Montgomery, for what it’s worth” Meredith offers back. She’s not so sure why she just called her ‘Montgomery’ but calling her “Doctor Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery-Nothing” right now just seemed like way too much of a chore and she wasn’t exactly on a first-name basis with her at all either. She wants somehow to call her simply “Addison” as her life depends on it but she knows that that’s not really on the table right now.

Addison takes it though without a deeper meaning to the use of her own last name at all. And now she’s just muttering a muted “Thanks” while she’s looking down at her shoes and sighing. 

Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery - hiding behind the bad lighting inside of Joe’s bar bathroom and behind her shiny veneer of being almighty and formidable while she’s blushing a bit internally at Meredith Grey’s compliment - and she just can’t for the life of her figure out why... Yet.   
  


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*******END OF CHAPTER 3**

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all, hope you might leave some suggestions for me I do quite often take them :D


	4. Let It Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Meredith asks him why he’s called just the one cab he says simply that “they're all backed up” he says to her simply as Joe looks and nods only at Addison over the top of Meredith’s shoulder and he gives the older woman what can only be described as a pleading and significant look, glancing his eyes back from Addison down to Meredith then back up to her again.
> 
> Nodding at him Addison asserts to her that the cab can drop Meredith off first at her house because it’s on the way to her’s anyhow and Meredith goes along with it all anyway.
> 
> And Addison is relieved to realize that Meredith is far too out of her mind right now to realize that Addison has no real idea where Meredith’s house even is as related to “her place” and why on earth would she. 
> 
> And that Addison has never had any place in Seattle to call hers much more less now than ever before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much, everyone for the follows and for the reviews on for this one so far. This has to be one of the most painful and exquisite works that I've ever tried to delicately weave so far and I must say that I hope that the challenge is worth it. Cheers and I hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 4: Let It Be**

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When the pair of them finally emerge from the washroom again they see the bar has been vacated and that the only people that are still there are Joe and his boyfriend Walter. Joe has just called Addison and Meredith a cab as he signals to Addison as he explains to her that the taxi company said it was “15 minutes out” that was approximately ten minutes ago. 

When Meredith asks him why he’s called just the one cab he says simply that “they're all backed up”. He says to her simply as Joe looks and nods only at Addison over the top of Meredith’s shoulder and he gives the older woman what can only be described as a pleading and significant look as he’s glancing his eyes back from Addison down to Meredith then back up to her again.

Nodding at him Addison asserts to her that the cab can drop Meredith off first at her house because it’s on the way to her’s anyhow and Meredith goes along with it all anyway.

And Addison is relieved to realize that Meredith is far too out of her mind right now to realize that Addison has no real idea where Meredith’s house even is as related to “her place” and why the hell on earth would she. 

And that Addison has never had any place in Seattle to call hers much more less now than ever before. 

And that the hotel that she’d planned on staying at after the evening's events is over the overpass in the opposite direction to Meredith's house so it wasn’t at all a shortcut much less a simplicity which she would soon find out as she rode there alone.

But Meredith takes it all in at face value anyways and she tugs up at Addison’s sleeve when she sees the cab finally appear so she’s leading the other woman to the taxi where they both tumble into the backseat together and Meredith needs help buckling her seatbelt before Addison supports her neck next to her so she doesn’t get whiplash at ever streetlight that they stop at on the drive over.

* * *

“Keys” ' Addison asks for as she unbuckles Meredith from the car after she’s left her seat and Meredith fumbles through her purse until she’s slipped out the right ones into the Attending’s hand.

Addison half-stumbles-with-half-carries the younger woman to her doorstep where she inserts three keys before she figures out which one is for the main door and not the back door or the basement and she’s holding the door open so Meredith can drag her feet in behind her up over the awning.

“Help me” Meredith glances with her eyes as she struggles to take a single step without the support of Addison’s hands around her waist so Addison enters the into the house even more along with her and she holds Meredith’s hands to her shoulders so she won’t fall as she unties Meredith’s shoes and slips them off of her feet before shrugging off own her heels onto the doormat with a thump. 

Before Addison enters the house fully and she shuts the door behind her silently she glances her eyes around to see if she can sense any traces of Meredith’s roommates roaming about the hallways or between their rooms or around with one another. 

But all they can hear is dead silence and the birds that chirp slowly outside of Meredith’s kitchen window on occasion as they tiptoe through the ten-tonne mass of movie boxes and kitchen sets that Meredith has never moved inches since the day she signed over the house to herself.

When Addison steps too fast into her and Meredith knocks over a potted plant by the kitchen with her elbow accidentally she just shrugs it all off and says “let it be, let it be” to Addison simply before she beckons for her please to ignore the potted plant where it fell and to keep helping her through the kitchen so that she can be back into bed before morning comes again.

“And where exactly _is_ your bedroom, Meredith?” Addison asks her as Meredith drunkenly realizes that Addison would never have any reason on earth to know that from her automatically as she answers “upstairs” before bringing her purse to the table in the entranceway. 

“Watch your step here” Addison guides her as if she knew that any more than Meredith now as they both make their way steadily up the staircase towards the first door on the right which is the only room with the door that is unopened. 

“They’re all super sounds sleepers” Meredith reassures Addison who she can feel from the careful questions would not want the others to know that she’s been here the night before and so Addison nods as she assists Meredith in reaching her room and falling onto her mattress in heap with all of her clothing still attached on to her. 

“Do you want me to-” Addison is not so sure how she should finish such a sentence as she stands dumbly up at her in the doorway because the only other times ever that she’s asked anyone if they’d wanted her to help them undress themselves have all been sexual experiences and this moment between Meredith and herself was most _certainly_ not becoming a sexual experience of any nature or any kind on that night. 

“Need your help to tuck me under the covers,” Meredith says sweetly as she struggles to get the blankets to cover her but is currently only succeeding in making them move over a half of her body in one way or another and Addison is relieved when she has realized that in no way has Meredith seen her stutter or stare up blankly before she had answered her question.

“You’re not going to change?” Addison asks as she’s concerned that some raindrops have fallen on Meredith’s head and she wonders if Meredith will catch a cold if she stays in her sweaters and jeans all night after she’s already been in them all day. 

“Need sleep now, sleeeeepy sleep” Meredith slurs so she knows that she’s far too far gone to notice now anyhow and Addison secretly finds it adorable how rambly she can get when she’s wasted.

And so Addison stays just so she can tuck the girl in as she pulls over the sheet trying not to tickle Meredith’s toes and she tugs over the throw blanket so it covers all of Meredith’s feet and her calves. And then she lifts up the duvet all the way up to Meredith’s head before Meredith pokes it out to say “peekaboo” and Addison almost loses it laughing before stopping and realizing that the both of them laughing was making them both now be way too loud. 

“Peekaboo you now young Meredith Grey now you get yourself some sleep it’s been quite the long day for us both hasn’t it, huh,” Addison says with her most concerned doctor voice as she clicks her tongue and Meredith grins up at her, eyelids growing heavy and falling further and further until she can no longer keep her eyes open. 

“Thanks-” Meredith tries to say more but she’s snoring already and Addison takes this as her cue to shut the lights off to Meredith’s room and to close the bedroom door behind her as she leaves. 

Addison ignores Meredith’s earlier orders to leave the potted plant alone because she can’t stand that the plant will probably wilt on its own if left sideways so she straightens the roots out back into its shell and she rights it right onto the table it had taken to before tending to it with some water and with the wear of her hands.

She settles Meredith’s coat onto the coat rack even though none of the others have hung theirs there and she silently slips back into the kitchen again so she can wash out her hands before she spies a half-empty bottle of aspirin back under the counter she stores in her hand while she searches for a piece of spare paper and a spare glass for water as well as a pen.

Addison then realizes that she doesn’t want to leave the house door wide open behind her all after she’s gone and she’s not going to be crawling through any backdoor windows at this time of night and besides of which Meredith has at least her two housemates and that they’ll see each other soon in the hospital anyway.

So she leaves Meredith a note which she doesn’t sign a name to. And she slips the house key off of Meredith’s car key keychain before twisting it to hers where it snaps now it’s securely shut. And she’s securing the door lock to Meredith’s mother’s house and she is testing it behind her before calling herself another cab and feeling even more empty than before as she stumbles into her hotel room alone at the Archfield. 

And Addison is sad as she’s thinking she’s got no one to tuck _her_ in tonight and to leave her a note on her kitchen table to say that she should take the two of the aspirin she’s poured out from the bottle when she wakes up along with a tall glass of water she’s poured into the glass from the sink. She won’t find out also that she’ll have her key back soon enough too; and that it was not stolen - (she borrowed it) and that it was simply borrowed for a short time- borrowed because she just didn't want to leave them all unknowingly alone in the house that was unsecured all throughout the night altogether. 

And Addison is sad because she’s thinking she’s got no one to hold her or to tell her they’re sorry or to tell her that she’s still desirable and that they’ll stay for them as long as they need for her to feel happy again. 

  
And Addison is sad because she’s thinking she’ll maybe never ever find love for herself ever, ever again and she’s given her lovers away like she’s given away sharp and broken bottle pieces of her sliced up soul.

And Addison finally finds herself crying herself to sleep for the second night in a row since she’s sure as hell not thinking that Grey girl can’t even know how happy she’s got it with her friends falling around her and for even her own generosity in ensuring that she’s safe and sound through the very worst night of her young life, so far.

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***** **END OF CHAPTER 4**

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again readers for making it this far along with me. Leave me a note to tell me what you want to see when the both of the wake up and I'll see to it just what we can do with the rest.


	5. Thanks for the Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Meredith, take these two asprin along with the whole glass of water before going to work in the morning. Your key is not stolen, it was borrowed so that the door could be locked behind you on your way in last night. You’ll get it back soon. Thanks for the Memories. Best Wishes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the reviews so far so kind. From this point on the story is going to start to accellerate into a bit more of a funny patch as it pulls up from the angst. There will be more angst yes but you'll see I hope you like it.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Thanks for the Memories**

* * *

When Meredith wakes up she can hardly see before she blinks at least seven times and she struggles to free herself from the swaddle of her blankets that have all been bunched tightly up against her body like a cacoon. 

She thinks nothing of it before making a beeline to the bathroom to throw up again as she looks at herself in the mirror at her body barely supporting herself still in yesterday’s clothes as she sighs and she pads her way downstairs to see her potted plant sitting sideways on the kitchen counter slightly to the left of where she remembered she’d planted it just a few mornings ago. 

Meredith makes her way over to to the counter where she finds a scrawled note reading 

_“Meredith, take these two aspirins along with the whole glass of water before going to work in the morning. Your key is not stolen, it was borrowed so that the door could be locked behind you on your way in last night. You’ll get it back soon._ _Thanks for the Memories._ _Best Wishes.”_

Meredith reads the note over at least six or seven times before realizing that it had no name affixed to the bottom of it nor any signatures or particular markings left over on the reverse of it either. 

Whoever the mystery man who had helped her settle in last night was, well she wishes she could remember an ounce of it because obviously he would have been a keeper if she hadn't been blackout drunk on him because clearly she could see that he was the definition of a gentleman.

She squints so she can see the words that were hidden by a strikethrough as and she smiles to herself wondering what the hell “thanks for the memories” could even possibly mean, and that if it were possible that they were good memories anyways why would the mystery man of Seattle not want her to know in return these nice memories of her?

Because this mystery man clearly knew her first name and just how to spell it so she had to have had some special sort of bonding time with him last night at the bar right? 

She couldn’t remember anything past her first tequila shooter from the night before now and she’s not even sure that she hadn’t slept with anyone either.

She decides that she didn’t think that she did sleep with anyone at all the night before because she was still perfectly dressed in her yesterday clothes when she had woken up this morning and she still had on the same bra and underwear as she had been wearing since she had put on a day ago. 

And if she _had_ slept with someone the night before now then she’d probably have taken her pants off at some point and she wouldn’t have wanted to wear the exact same thing tucked into bed like she was if she’d had already had sex and she was getting dressed up for bed after she’d had all that tequila. She decides that if she was too drunk to remember she was too drunk to put on the same panties, pants, and her bra and to have snapped her bra shut before she put on that same sweater again.

She’s tortured now even more dark and twisty than usual because for Meredith Grey, the most queen of the mysteries she finds that the _not knowing_ is honestly and truly the worst feeling in the world.

Despite this, Meredith follows the instructions and she puts the note into her pocket before any of her best intern friends could find out because heaven knows now that the last thing she needed or wanted would be for rumors to be flying that she had a secret lover somewhere out there in Seattle who knew where they all lived and who still had a key to theirs and her mother’s old house. 

She didn’t want to scare them off from seeing her as a person rather than as a serious whore so she shrugs it all off saying to herself that this isn't exactly her first night not knowing who what when where she was doing the night before. 

So she picks herself out some light fruit to munch on to wash down with her diet drink as she got herself out of her sweater and her jeans and she put on a new pair to call way up to Izzie and George and whoever happened to be there that she was “going into work early so she could see the charts” before they could and she looked around left and right before she spied her coat on the coatrack - the last place on earth she’d ever look for it and she slipped it on top of her shoulders before she slipped out the door. 

* * *

Seattle Grace Hospital has some of the very best vending machines in town is what Addison has decided as she strolls through the hospital like a ghost. She selects her favorite potato chips and she’s deciding between two different chocolate bars before she orders them both plus candy and she’s reaching down to get all her snacks from the mouth of the vending machine along with her change. 

  
She’s struggling to see how she could have handled herself better after her encounter at Meredith’s house last night and she suddenly seems a little bit insecure about her reactions. Was she being overly protective and motherly insisting Meredith take two aspirin before she has breakfast?

Was she being overly paranoid when she locked Meredith’s door behind her, stealing her key in the process because she just moved to Seattle so she didn’t know whether or not she should take it or leave it? Was she becoming a crazy person for even caring at all what was happening with Meredith Grey - the blonde intern who whisked her soon-to-be ex-husband off of his feet and seduced him into sleeping with her since she’d stayed in Manhattan?

Addison is munching all alone in her office trying to tie her hair back into a high ponytail still so lost, so lost in her thoughts, while she’s being paged 9-1-1 to the Emergency room and she runs off with a huff leaving crumbs and candy and chocolate lining the floor as she knocks over some of her boxes in her hurry.

“Over here” someone calls to her as she tries to prepare herself, hearing a caller on someone’s cell phone saying “we’ fine, some redneck tried to outrun the train…” in a thick thick accent before she stumbles upon the case that will keep all of the Attendings extremely occupied for the remainder of the morning well into the evening.

* * *

The patients were named Bonnie and Tom and they had never met either before being both impaled at the same time by a pole.

They were joined now together, cut out as a set by the firefighters before they rode in on an ambulance and had their c-collars strapped onto them and their IV bags hooked up to their arms. 

It took a whole crew to transport them as they made their way up to CT and they needed all the help they could get to see what they could do for these two.

“Normally Amanda would be a tad upset to see me pressed-up another woman,” the man Tom says as he explains that he is in fact not this woman’s husband. “But I think for this time i’ll get a pass” he finishes his joke and it sends soothing shivers through Addison’s spine as she sees that the blonde-haired woman bonnie she’s laughing along too and telling the man Tom how nice pores that he has as they waltz right on past anyone left in the line right on into the room where they could get scanned at CT.

Addison wished she had another resident on the case before Burke, Derek, Bailey, and Richard would inevitably be paged in and for all the superior surgical skill they each and all possessed together she wasn’t so sure she wanted all of that intellect to be thrust into her face just right about now.

Somehow she wonders just how the young Doctor Grey had fared after their fighting steps taken to get that drunken girl back into bed the other night and she hopes to high heavens she had taken those aspirins because hell if she needed hers when she had gone out to the drug store to get some before she showed up all thirsty and starving her head empty before showing up to her shift and changing into her salmon-covered scrubs she long hated and loved.

She sighed as she left her thoughts drift to the young intern and back as she remembered tucking the tail of blonde hair behind Meredith’s back before she told her goodnight and sighed as she remembered that it was not Derek but Mark who had once done the same for her.

* * *

Cristina finds the note crumpled up inside Meredith’s coat pocket and she reads it all over without saying a word before Meredith crumples it all up again and throws it in a ball in the trash can. 

“There will be absolutely no mystery man hunting behind my back or on my watch do you hear me Cristina” Meredith whispers but bellows as she storms out of the room. And Cristina covertly slips the note up into her hand again before tucking it securely into her breast pocket before shoving some other newspapers into the trash can behind her for good measure.

“But what about the missing Meredith key to your house” Cristina whispers into Meredith’s ear as she walks along with her to take the train crash crew back to the trauma room.

“If he didn’t take anything last night when I passed out then I don’t know why we should be worried about him doing anything while we’re all still awake” Meredith hushes to her as they roll them quickly and evenly through the maze of the hospital. 

“If you say so you’re the one who once knew him so you better be sure,” says Cristina with a raised eyebrow at her.

“Cristina I’m sure” Meredith reassures. “He said thank you for the memories and then he crossed it out so he had a good time. 

So we _do not_ tell our friends and I hope he doesn’t tell _his_ friends what he found meaning me and I’m sure that he will return me my key like he said that he would and then we can forget all of this happened with my ‘mystery man’ and we can still keep my dignity about being blackout drunk at a bar due to Derek on the down-low so I can stop being the bloody rumor mill beacon and can just be still stupidly sad that that god damned Derek never bothered to even give a damn and show up or try to call when I told him to pick me last night” Meredith says with a snap.

When she snaps that’s when Cristina knows when to back off and she’s sure now that Meredith is brought back to her senses because she’s mentioned McDreamy again and after all, mystery man or no, isn’t that who all of this was always going to be about in the first place?

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******* END OF CHAPTER 5**

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all have a great one and enjoy this latest installment. Let me know what you like!


	6. Much Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Derek, we need to get a divorce. Now.” Addison insists to her soon to be ex-husband as he sits down looking at her distractedly, clearly thinking more about their train wreck patients or god knows what but whatever it was it wasn’t their divorce papers. 
> 
> “Addie we can’t sign them now just like that we need the lawyers to look at them with us and to witness them anyways” Derek counters right back to her. “Don’t you even want to try counseling Addison, we would seriously try counseling” Derek tries to suggest to her.
> 
> And isn’t it fitting that the divorcing couple can’t even get together to divorce each other because they still can’t stop fighting over every single petty detail as they derail all their conversations?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of the positive support of this work !  
> Welcome any requests or favorite parts or suggestions.  
> Still working on editing all of it! Enjoy happy reading !

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**Chapter 6: Much Too Much**

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“Derek, we need to get a divorce. Now.” Addison insists to her soon to be ex-husband as he sits down looking at her distractedly, clearly thinking more about their train wreck patients or god knows what but whatever it was it wasn’t their divorce papers. 

“Addie we can’t sign them now just like that we need the lawyers to look at them with us and to witness them anyways” Derek counters right back to her. “Don’t you even want to try counseling Addison, we would seriously try counseling” Derek tries to suggest to her.

  
And isn’t it fitting that the divorcing couple can’t even get together to divorce each other because they still can’t stop fighting over every single petty detail as they derail all their conversations?

“So you’re saying we can’t even decide to get a divorce Derek really? Is that what we’re saying?” Asks Addison as she begins to scream. “And don’t even think about calling me Addie anymore. You lost that right ages ago when you walked out after letting me soak in the rain. No counseling session on earth will ever forgive what you did” Addison stomps out her feet now. 

“Divorce isn’t the life or death decision that needs to be made right now Addison” Derek is shouting right back at her now. “We’ll reschedule the signing of the papers for later, you already shoved your wedding ring back into my palm last night and we can talk about all of the rest of it when there’s not literally two dying people waiting for us to give them their answers” Derek screams out at her. 

“Don’t you think this is much too much Derek screaming at each other in an exam room about how much we can’t stand to stay married to each other” screams Addison

“This is much too much for me too to have to fight with you even to talk about Derek agrees.

“I’m still calling you my ex-husband to anyone who asks” Addison insists. 

“Done you’re my ex-wife then Addison” Derek storms at her back.

And she’s the first one to make a move towards the door but Derek’s already pushed past her through the door frame before she’s even taken a single step towards leaving the room.

* * *

“Some would say that because he’s more stable so we should move him” Derek advises. “She’s got more serious injuries so we should give her the best shot that we can,” he says softly. 

They’re still in the scan room trying to figure out who they should extract first when Addison starts to feel the weariness of the nearly sleepless night to catch up to her so she’s staying quiet.

  
“She’s certainly a long shot,” Burke says. “It’s hard to tell now whether or not her sick heart can take it,” he adds.

“We still have a shot at seeing him through if we save her” Doctor Bailey adds to the discussion. “Hell he’ll hurt like high heavens for harder but if he’s strong enough he can take it” she tries. 

“I can’t tell you what to do, it's not only my call” weighs Richard. “So I say we do what we do before we can’t do anymore, I say we have to settle this someway somehow,” he offers. 

“We should vote” Addison speaks up for the first time since she’s started here. “We should take all of our opinions into account and then we should see to it we’ve started them into the O.R here as soon as we can,” she says wisely. 

All the attendings plus Bailey agree so she passes them each a pen and paper and they pepper their ballots with either a Bonnie or a Tom before letting them fall into a spare scrub cab to be turned over by Derek and Addison the one at a time. 

“Bonnie” Addison recognizes her ex-husband’s handwriting as she pulls it out of the pile, being careful not to look up at him so everybody would know how he voted.

  
“Bonnie” Derek recognizes his ex-wife’s handwriting as he struggles not to see the clouded grey washing over his ex-wife’s green eyes as he stares up at the ceiling before down at the floor.

“Tom” Richard reads one not needing to analyze who said it before Bailey reads out:

“Tom” as she places the final slip from the pile into Preston Burke’s open hands…

And they all look up at each other silently at a standstill as Preston Burke’s lips make out the final deciding vote of moves and who’s name falls first out on the O.R board before being ushered to the ICU should they even recover long enough before being taken alive off of the operating table.

  
  


* * *

When they break the news of the Attending’s (plus Bailey’s) decision they first have to explain to them both that they have to move one of them off of the pole while the other waits and that whoever they move will have a slimmer chance of surviving than the others.

They say it isn’t fair but they've come to the best conclusion they all could and they say that it’s Bonnie they’ve chosen to stay on the pole and that it’s Tom that will have to weather the storm of having all of his insides shift down right at once while the surgeons stand right by and stabilize them. 

“But it’s not fair,” Bonnie offers. “But this is the way that it’s right,” Tom, he offers and with the look on his face he almost knows he’s a goner but that the best gift he can give her is to give her the very best shot that she can to have a better part of a life. 

“You’re being so very brave” Bonnie thanks her. “I’m being a gentleman” Tom explains that “a man should never leave a woman without the last of the lifeboats” as if they were both adrift at sea and she says that “it’s not fair either way…” as she trails off but Tom insists for the life of them that it has to be him.

“We’re going to do our damndest to save the both of you” Preston Burke offers them.

“We’ll try hard every step of the way,” Bailey adds.

“They are all a great team” Richard then reassures. 

“We are going to save him you’ll see” Addison smiles the very best she can.

“And we’re going to save her too” Derek looks at her right in the eye when he says that one right to her instead of looking at Bonnie or Tom or the others. He’s saying that one right to her and she’s realized too late after he’d left that Derek had not really been talking about trains or of Tom or of Bonnie after all.

* * *

They’re in the O.R now and Bonnie and Todd are still cracking jokes. They’re stable enough they’re still talking and they have their loved ones up on the phone to say their goodbyes just in case. But each of their husbands and wives is well on their way by now and Cristina and Meredith have each been recruited to hold up the phones to their ears while they talk and to listen for pages to say that the spouses have finally arrived.

“Amanda,” Tom says to his wife as he tries to explain the terrible things that have happened these past hours. “Take care of our loved ones. Amanda, you know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the man who lets others live if it's the very last thing I give with my life ” he begs her to promise as Cristina helps him go on with her nodding and the holding of his shoulder to the headphone mic. And Cristina glances a sly look at Meredith now as she smiles at the sweetness of Tom’s words to his lover. And Meredith smiles back at her and makes a face when Cristina whispers at her “mystery man!”

“Danny,” says Bonnie. “I will love you until the end of all time. And I wish you to find the very best for the rest of your life. I know that I might always be there to be beside you but I promise you, you deserve to be loved with all of your heart. And promise me that you’ll find somebody to love you and to kiss you because you deserve to be loved for all of your life” she says trailing off. And Meredith’s heart breaks a little as she hears that last part because she wishes for the life of her that someone would ever say the same if she had gotten hit by a train. And she’s thinking back now to this mystery man and she’s wishing he could be the one to be whispering those things into her ear. 

Bonnie asks Tom if he believes in heaven and he says to her “I do” and she says that “I want to” as they have their hands holding on to each other now and they sit waiting for the surgeons to scrub in and to operate. It’s sinful scared they both are to start. Derek says that he’s going to put them to sleep when they’re ready and Addison’s heart almost breaks when Bonnie asks breathlessly if he thinks it will hurt and he says it won’t.

Addison remembers when Derek said those same words to her, way back when they were saying “I do” to each other for a whole other reason and shakes his head mouthing "I'm sorry," to Addison, sadly off her staring, when she realizes where her head has just been, his head must have been, too.

And Bonnie holds on to every single word Derek says when he tells her he’ll tell her loved ones everything and that he’d do the same for him should the time come and this time it’s Meredith who’s hurt by his words thinking he never shows up when he promises he will with the nod of his head and those McDreamy eyes and now Derek is saying “I’m sorry” for a second time silently with his lips as he looks into Meredith’s cold shoulder and he sighs as if he wishes it had all just been different.

But that it wasn’t and he didn’t do what he should have for both or for either Meredith and Addison so he vows to himself that this time will be different and that he’ll do right by his promises to go right to the end of whatever it takes to bring both Tom and Bonnie home. 

* * *

As Addison prepares Bonnie the patient with Meredith she asks cautiously to Meredith “So how was your night last night”, wanting to know how the intern felt about their interactions but not wanting to bring up anything too unwanted. 

“Well, I guess I went to the bar, met a man there” Meredith starts and Addison quirks her eyebrow at this part and says nothing. Maybe Meredith had in fact met a man at the bar before she ended up there herself so she motions for the blonde to go on.

“Then I guess he took me home but we never did anything and he never took my clothes off and tucked me into bed” Meredith explains as Addison does her very very best to stay still and to take in Meredith’s words.

She realizes then that Meredith Grey has absolutely no idea whatsoever what had been talked about, or what had happened or how she helped her into bed the night before because Meredith must have been blackout drunk since before she even sat down next to her. 

“I don’t really remember anything at all about that night or how I got home even” Meredith mirrors Addison’s realizations back to her. 

“The only reason why I know is that he left a note in my kitchen to tell me to take two aspirin and that he would bring me back my key before long,” Meredith concludes finally. “Don’t say anything about the spare key. I'm not worried or anything” Meredith covers quickly and Addison nods.

And it takes all of Addison’s strength not to come clean and tell her that it was her heavy hand that had written the curves and the loops on the “M” of her name on that note. 

“Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd, please. Please don't tell Derek or anyone else. Not about the bar, not about the note, not about the mystery man just please don’t tell Derek about anything to do with me” Meredith practically begs. 

And Addison’s heart breaks even more when she comes to the conclusion that despite all the hell she put her through that Meredith might still want him to like her and that she’d want her not to interfere with her McDreamy lifestyle. 

“Don’t worry about anything Doctor Grey,” Addison says too sweetly to be true. “I promise I swear to you now that I will not tell my ex-husband or anyone else about any of this” Addison motions in a circle to make Meredith understand. 

“Wait, your ex-husband?” Meredith asks with a quirk of her eyebrow.

  
  
“We’re getting a divorce” Addison sighs as she tells this to Meredith _again._

“Oh Addison I’m sorry,” Meredith says rather sincerely and it cracks Addison in two that Meredith is still comforting her. Because it seems just so cruel for the girlfriend to comfort the wife when she could have been anything but understanding and all but leaping into Derek Shepherd's loving arms right now.

* * *

“So how was your night Doctor Montgomery-, Doctor Montgomery-I-Guess-Nothing...” Meredith asks at her without looking up - like she was just trying so damn hard to be polite to her Attending. 

Addison thinks about sharing some more of what happens. She considers telling the truth about telling Meredith how she was kind to her, how Meredith made her feel slightly less lonely. 

How drunk and tired Meredith had been, how she’d been so violently sick. How she had admonished her ex-husband with her and how she could hardly stand to stumble home without her support. 

She thinks about it for a split second but she thinks no good would ever come of it. She doesn’t want a stupid intern to worship her and she doesn’t need to be called a hero by her ex-wife or anyone else. 

  
She doesn’t need credit or pity or compassion. She doesn’t need the absolution of her doubt that she did all the right things. She just needs her divorce to settle so she could be well on her way.  
  


And so that maybe, just maybe she could find herself some peace again. So she doesn’t tell Meredith anything more than she knows. 

So instead Addison simply lies while looking at her straight to her face. 

“It was quiet. Went home early. Nothing exciting.” Addison deadpans.

“Oh,” Is all that Meredith could come up with in response to her answer.

“Now get back to work,” Addison orders Meredith to stop sitting around next to her on top of the O.R stool.

And Meredith does. 

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

******* END OF CHAPTER 6**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading all the way to here by now, let me know what you liked and what you'd like to see more of. Yes, much of this so far is sad and yes, it has sort of picked up momentum with the addition of the medical dynamic. Hoping to keep the cases a bit different and interesting despite being similar patients so far so let me know what you think. Cheers !


	7. Owner Of A Lonely Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And as much as Addison despises everyone for talking behind her back about her, she hates them even more for talking behind their backs about Meredith. Because this is the last thing the intern deserves after having been sick as a dog in a dirty bar bathroom. They look at both of them as if they were an exhibit - like an exotic bird or a panda at the zoo. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the committed reviewers to this story. I would not have posted another chapter today if it were not for the fans asking for it ! YOU ROCK.

* * *

**Chapter 7: Owner of a Lonely Heart**

* * *

By now, even Addison notices the talking. The talking, mostly among the interns although the Attendings are no exception to this rule either. The talk about _her_ being an adulteress bitch and for having cheated on the stupidly “perfect” McDreamy. Like they knew anything at all about him.

And as much as Addison despises everyone for talking behind her back about _her_ , she hates them even more for talking behind their backs about _Meredith_. Because this is the last thing the intern deserves after having been sick as a dog in a dirty bar bathroom. They look at both of them as if they were an exhibit - like an exotic bird or a panda at the zoo. 

And though Meredith’s so-called friends say they should really do something about it they don’t. And instead, they participate in the sport all the while claiming they are her friends. She even caught the tail end of one of them saying “not to tell Meredith because that panda at the zoo exhibit probably died alone”. 

And that is IT for Addison. That is all the hell she can take. So she storms over to all of the interns that are gathering by the nurses' station and she knocks their goddamned charts right out of their goddamned hands as she yells at them to “GO BE A FUCKING DOCTOR YOU PEOPLE” before she moves to turn on her coattails and to storm away, seething.

That is until she looks down from the stunned interns and she spies a crumpled paper that looks familiar next to Cristina Yang’s foot. It looks suspiciously like the note she wrote to Meredith that evening when she dropped her off at her house and she’s a bit surprised that someone other than Meredith might be carrying it around. 

She doesn’t want all the other interns to see it too, so she quickly picks it up and walks around to Cristina’s other side so she can stick it back into her palm and whisper in her ear to “be a responsible citizen and to take care of what needs to be taken care of” in a cryptically loaded and warning tone before she walks away quickly before Cristina can see the ghosted paleness of Addison Montgomery’s face. 

“Th-thanks” Cristina stutters a bit as she watches Addison walking away and she crumples the note back into a call before securing it in the breast pocket of her scrub top.

And then Addison walks her way up to the nurse’s station so she can pick up all of her charts in her arms so that no one can see how she writes in them because she has a sort of suspicion that there’s going to be some sort of sleuth game about to be going on here.

And also, so she can reassign Doctor Grey to a case that’s worth having with Richard Webber today because hell, she knows Meredith deserves for something special to happen and it wasn’t going to be with her. 

* * *

Cristina is searching for Mer’s ‘mystery man’ again.

You see, despite Meredith’s prior recommendation to her earlier that she stop looking out for the ‘mystery man,’ she decides to herself - because she’s Meredith’s _person - that is -_ that Mer really would rather know who said ‘mystery man’ is but she’s just too exhausted to care to do complete the search herself. 

And so she begins her day scouring every sample of handwriting she can get her hands on to see if it matches the cursive from the note. Cristina figures she has a half-decent shot at finding it here among all of the men at Seattle Grace because the Emerald City Bar is just footfalls away from the hospital and the only people who really go there late at night on the weekdays are the people who work here.

People who work here, plus patient’s loved ones who need to get wasted well out of their minds but Cristina has rationalized that no patient’s family would walk Meredith up to her bedroom and not try anything slutty with her because they’d likely all be too strung out on their own family stuff to ever want to complicate themselves in any of Meredith’s without getting any sex back in return.

So she keeps looking, at case after case in chart after chart. She’s become some sort of expert at sneaking into the nurse’s station after her unfortunate ectopic pregnancy accident so she knows all the way past the Attendings to get to the binder shelf where she camps out under the counter reading writing sample to writing sample from every male doctor from A to Z. 

And because she’s only looking for the Male Doctor’s names, she doesn’t even notice that absolutely none of the charts located at the station are from Doctor McDreamy’s sort-of ex-wife. 

And so she’s still camped there when she finishes all of them, even going through the girl doctors for the second time around in case she missed someone who has a weirdly feminine sounding name. 

And she's not satisfied in the least bit because none of them even remotely resemble the way the smooth cursive “M” upon Meredith’s name is noted on the note and the way it curves down back into itself as if it is competing with a star. 

So she’s at a loss for words right now before she’s being assigned to a case and she curses when she sees it’s from Doctor Addison-Not-Shepherd-Shepherd because there’s no way in hell this could help in her search for the ‘mystery man’.

* * *

Somewhere along the way Cristina and Izzie are all holding arms with Meredith in the middle when Doctor McDreamy Shepherd walks up to her to say “hey Meredith you know maybe we could talk later” and all of them shake their heads to say “no” before whisking her away. 

Meredith does turn her head once to look back at Derek but she doesn’t turn around again. So at least Addison thinks when she sees this that maybe, just maybe, Meredith’s friends aren’t so bad after all. 

She sees Stevens tell off Karev for being a terrible jerk after their date that they had had when they were off and she sees Cristina hanging out with Meredith and she thinks that she misses when she had her friends like Mark, Derek, Sam and Naomi when they all used to get along in New York.

* * *

But that certainly does not mean that she’s happy to be being interrogated by the one Cristina Yang right now because she’s paranoid as hell but she’s half as certain that Cristina has said something to Meredith just right before now about Addison having picked up the stupid note that she wrote and having handed it back to her. 

What Addison doesn’t know though is that Meredith and Cristina actually hadn’t been talking about that night or that note after all because Cristina hadn’t said that she’d kept it and Meredith made it clear that she didn’t want to talk about it all anyway.

So Cristina is just being too nosy as anything anyways and she’s asking a god million questions because she’s being a brown-noser and trying her damn very best so she can potentially scrub in and see some super cool surgery that will have all her friends feeling so jealous for weeks. 

And at least Addison’s willing to give her a fighting chance to feel passionate about something over than cracking the “mystery man” case, so she lets her fawn over the two pregnant mothers she’s taking care of right now and ask them all personal questions as if that will help them deliver. 

“So how long have you two been together?” Cristina Yang asks them. And she’s asking them as if it were a completely legitimate medical question, no snide in her voice whatsoever before they correct her to say “we’re not lovers, best friends” after they tell the story of wanting to give birth to sibling babies since they became the best friends they were when they were three.

And it occurs to her then that Addison should really be jotting all of this down in their files so she takes out one of the chart binders 

As Addison does, she furrows her brow at Cristina, who is currently hovering suspiciously over her chart for no particular reason.

“Need something, Yang?” Addison asks her as she continues to scribble in the orders.

“Just wanted to see what medications they were on. Could you point that out for me?” Cristina asks her politely.

“It’s not written in yet but I guess I can get to that part later” Addison sighs, as she scribbles many more notes in her binder as the two of them walk out of the patient’s room and into the hall.

“You know it must be lonely for them, I wonder if it’s lonely that they’re not actually lovers they are just friends. I think I’d feel like I was the owner of a lonely heart if I was pregnant with a kid and my best friend was as well but that neither of us had any _real lovers_ ” Cristina asks out loud rather loudly as if she were pondering this to herself.

It’s a calculated move, one that Addison does not pick up on because she replies to her immediately without looking up at all.

“I think it’s sweet you know that” Addison sighs at Cristina. “I’d almost settle for a platonic life partner some of these days, I think it would take away from the pain and loneliness of having no one at all” Addison sighs even harder.

“Do you feel yourself being lonely and having no one to talk to at night?” Cristina asks Addison casually as Addison frowns at her saying that that is a “rather deep and personal question to be asking of your Attending now Yang, don’t you think” before returning to her chart notes with ease.

“Well, I was just asking to be polite and to stick on the topic,” Cristina tells her. Besides, I was practicing being better at bedside manner” she shrugs.

“Well you’re not at my bedside Cristina, and I hardly doubt you ever will be. But to answer your question yes I do find myself lonely sometimes and I am often quite envious of you and your intern friends” Addison explains.

“Well, maybe you could come drinking with us sometimes” Cristina offers politely.

“I think I’m a little old to be drinking with Interns” Addison smiles and Cristina laughs a little at the bluntness of her statement but not too loudly to be considered rude, as Addison sighs inwardly at herself because she thinks maybe had gotten too old to be getting along with Grey so well at the bar the other day.

* * *

“Whoa! I think they might have been lying to us about being ‘just friends’ after all!” Cristina yelps and Addison turns around to watch what Cristina has caught out of the corner of her eye looking into the patient’s room. 

The two pregnant women who had just said they were not lovers were acting like, well, actual lovers. 

They were kissing and groping at each other’s mouths and their hands were wandering all over each other’s bodies.

They had their hands under each other’s shirts and they were about to reach into each other’s pants.

And that’s when Addison clears her throat loudly with an “ _Ahem_ ” that startles Cristina and makes her turn back to her Attending and to focus on what Addison is telling her to be doing.

“We should give them some privacy” Addison explains simply, as she pulls the curtains to the room shut from the outside and pastes an “Exam in Progress - Do Not Enter” sign on their door.

“You’re helping your patient’s get laid together before labor?!” Cristina exclaims. “Go, Addison, you may be way cooler than even I ever thought!” Cristina says before she can contain herself.

“I think you should probably apologize and we should forget you just said that,” Addison says as she points to the part on the chart where it says her name is typed “Doctor Montgomery” to her with the “-Shepherd” part crossed out in black ink.

“Sorry Doctor Montgomery-” Cristina apologizes slowly. 

“And also you should really know by now, Yang, that pain management via sexual stimulation has been proven to outweigh the benefits of assistive epidurals during a great many gynecological and obstetric cases.

And Cristina nods her head, idly thinking it’s sort of cool that an orgasm really could help with pain management so she’s apologizing again to Addison now.

And she’s drawing out just how “so, so sorry she is” as long as she possibly can manage because she’s not actually thinking about pain management or medicine or anything near an apology at all. 

She’s thinking about the way Addison was just blushing when she had been caught watching the two women pleasure themselves with each other’s bodies.

And the way that she’d gasped when she thought she was about to watch them have sex with each other.

And the way that she’d yelped and asked Cristina to help them both, erm, finish… undisturbed.

And the way that she seemed a bit shifty, even now, and nervous in a flustered sort of way Cristina didn’t think an Attending usually would be from only a pretty simple set of patients.

But mostly, Cristina is comparing the curvy looped “M” with a tail that tucked back around like a star that was staring at her straight in the face on the part of the page where it says 

“ _Medications, as follows”_ in both of the women’s charts where Addison had _just_ handwritten it in her own handwriting, neatly. 

And Cristina could swear on her life then and there that Doctor Addison Forbes Montgomery’s handwritten “M”s were a perfect match with the one that was written on the note Meredith had received after her night out at the bar with her ‘mystery man’.

And Cristina could hardly contain what she now knew to be true but that Addison didn’t know she had realized because she hadn’t looked up from writing her orders yet. 

She could hardly contain herself but yet somehow, she did. 

Because oh, boy, was Cristina Yang _EVER_ going to have fun with this one.

  
  


* * *

*

*

*

*

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******* END OF CHAPTER 7**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I guess we know SOMEONE is in for an interesting interrogation. 
> 
> Let me know if you're stoked or if you're pissed or whatever.
> 
> Because here's just where the fun begins. 
> 
> Not to say there's no angst, but it's a lightness of bright fresh air.
> 
> Or at least I thought so LOL


	8. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Doctor Montgomery-Shep- I Mean just Doctor Montgomery, well not ‘just’, I mean would I be able to speak with you a second, in private?” Cristina Yang asks Addison.
> 
> “What is this about?” Addison asks her because she has honestly no idea.
> 
> “Well, I have some very important questions about, ah, erm, a patient of yours” Cristina tries not to wince at her slight tremor in her voice.
> 
> “And it isn’t these patients?” Addison asks her, a teeny bit annoyed now.
> 
> “No, it isn’t. And it’s private.” Cristina insists to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we go - What on earth is Yang going to say and how is Addison going to react?

* * *

**Chapter 8: Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer**

* * *

“Doctor Montgomery-Shep- I Mean just Doctor Montgomery, well not ‘just’, I mean would I be able to speak with you a second, in private?” Cristina Yang asks Addison.

“What is this about?” Addison asks her because she has honestly no idea.

“Well, I have some very important questions about, ah, erm, a patient of yours” Cristina tries not to wince at her slight tremor in her voice.

“And it isn’t _these_ patients?” Addison asks her, a teeny bit annoyed now.

“No, it isn’t. And it’s _private_.” Cristina insists to her.

And Addison can sense the urgency in Cristina’s tone now, so she follows Doctor Yang into an empty exam room and her eyebrows only twitch up a little when she notices Cristina locking the door to the room behind them.

“What is this about Doctor Yang? We have actual patients to see, you know” Addison questions her as Cristina is motioning at her to surrender the chart she was working on over to her.

“It’s this, this right here” Cristina points to the line that reads “ _Medications_ ” in Addison’s handwriting.

“What about it?” Addison asks her impatiently.

And then she goes pale as a ghost when Cristina pulls out the note from her breast pocket and lays it gently on top of the chart so that the “ _M_ ” of “ _Medications_ ” was lined up with the “ _M_ ” of “ _Meredith”_ on the note she had left for the intern the other evening.

“I know it was you who brought Meredith home the other night,” Cristina says to her softly, looking Addison right in the eye.

“You- You don’t though-” Addison tries her best to deny it despite her voice shaking.

“I already knew it was you who wrote her a note in the morning, she told me” Cristina looks her right in the eye and sees all of her worries swimming around in them right beneath the surface.

“She said you were the one who slid over to her at Joe’s bar that night. That you are the mystery man. And that she remembers all that you said everything you did for her” Cristina continues.

And she watches intently as Addison’s expression changes over from scared to shocked embarrassed all at once before she blinks and shuts down her emotions so she’s looking back at Cristina again with as much of a dignified expression she can manage.

“Why hasn’t she said anything to me about it then?” Addison says to Cristina softly, like she’s hurt and bruised.

* * *

“Oh.

My.

God.

I knew it!”

Cristina exclaims to Addison, now.

* * *

“What?!” Addison exclaims at her.

“But I thought you just said _Meredith_ told you,” Addison exclaims out again at her.

“She never told me a thing she was too drunk out of her mind to remember anything and that hasn’t changed.” Cristina Clarifies.

“So she never told you? So how then do you know?” Addison is waving her hands animatedly now and she’s grateful that this exam room has no open windows.

“Well the handwriting was a big tip-off, you write the letter “M” in a very specific way. But I could never be certain for sure until like, right now” Cristina says to her smugly.

And Addison’s face falls because she feels a pang of betrayal that Cristina has cracked her case so easily and yet she still doesn’t know how Meredith was truly feeling about all of this.

And that’s when Cristina realizes that Addison actually _cares_ what Meredith Grey thinks about her. And that she’s insecure about how she treated Cristina’s best friend and she is seeking reassurance that she wasn’t totally in the wrong there.

So Cristina sighs to her and asks her why she’d been concealing her identity as the ‘mystery man’ all along.

“I mean she’s going to find out eventually whether I say anything to her or not,” Cristina says to her as-a-matter-of-factly.

And Addison nods at her because she knows that after everything that Cristina is right.

“But why do you care so much about her not knowing it was you? And if she’s going to find it out sometime why do you want that to be later rather than sooner?” Cristina asks her tenderly.

“I just don’t want her to know, at least not yet” Addison sighs. “It’s too complicated now. She just found out that I’m the secret McWife that Derek has been hiding from her and that I’m the adulteress bitch that cheated on McDreamy. And that I’m her Attending and her new boss.

That’s a whole lot of heavy to be going around right now. Plus on top of it all, everyone is treating her like she’s the latest issue of “People Magazine” Addison tries to reason with Cristina.

“Yeah, okay. I think I’m starting to understand” Cristina says honestly, looking up at Addison to show her she’s being honest.

Addison nods at her, relieved that at least the fact that they both care about Meredith a great deal is playing out to be in her favor.

“Am I a genius or what though, for figuring it all out so fast” Cristina can’t contain her excited grin. And Addison laughs with her and says “yeah, you do win. I won’t take that one away from you” she nods and extends her hand for Cristina to shake it as if to say “good game”.

“You know, you’re not too bad, Doctor Addison Montgomery,” Cristina says her whole name like that to her compassionately while shaking her hand back in acceptance.

“Cristina you can’t tell her,” Addison says to her harshly and hurt. And she’s practically begging her now, which is unseemly because Addison does never want to be begging an _intern_ for anything, ever again.

* * *

“You really don’t want me to tell her, do you?” Cristina asks her gently.

“No, I really don’t” Addison sighs loudly again.

Cristina brings out the binder page and takes it into her hand before folding it up into her pocket alongside her note to Meredith as Addison’s eyes widen at her.

“You know you have a game to play with me now, don’t you Doctor No-Longer-Mrs.-McDreamy” Cristina jeers at her until Addison finally cracks.

“Fine, Yang, you win. Pick your poison, pick your prize or whatever. Just tell me. What’s it going to take for you not to say a thing to anyone, especially not my ex-husband or Meredith, about all and any of this” Addison asks her.

“Well, what do you have to offer?” Cristina asks her in a complete business mode as Cristina takes out a pen and a pad of paper to make notes about Addison’s… whatever she was going to say to her next.

“I’ll tell the nurses not to page you for anything gross related to L&D” Addison offers.

“Aaaaaaand?” Cristina whines gently.

“You can do my post-ops for the next week if you want to,” Addison adds to her offer.

“Aaaaaaand?” Cristina whines gently even more.

“What do you want from me, Yang? Get to the point we don’t have all day” Addison says, frustrated that she doesn’t have the upper hand here and struggling to take back some sense of control.

“What good surgeries do you have coming up tomorrow?” Cristina states simply and Addison rolls her eyes at herself inwardly at not offering one of those as one of her prizes in the first place.

“Pyloric stenosis baby” Addison explains to her. “The babies have a valve that doesn’t work so well in their digestive systems and it causes them to throw up a lot” she adds, hoping to make the case sound as gross and appealing to Cristina as possible.

“What else ‘you got?” Cristina grimaces slightly as Addison laughs.

“Well actually I am doing 2 pyloric's tomorrow, and that’s about it so if you don’t want either of them then I suggest-” Addison goes to keep going but Cristina cuts her off.

“I’ll _ALMOST_ take the two of the pyloric's AND the nurses forgetting my pager number for all the gross stuff but you can do your own damn post-ops because that’s just scut it’s not actually a prize,” Cristina says cleverly.

“But there’s one more thing I insist on before I cut you a deal” Cristina adds on.

“I already told you I have no more surgeries tomorrow, Yang” Addison insists.

“I'll take the deal that I just told you in return for my silence. But only on the condition that you tell me in all gory details absolutely everything that happened that night,” Cristina tells her.

* * *

“I can keep a poker face from Mer, she never knew I was with Burke or that I was with child until I told her” Cristina advocates for her discretion skills.

“And I kept the father a secret from you. Thanks for saving me by the way and not being the one to tell Burke and your friends. Cristina adds.

“That's how I know I can trust you with this. To keep up your end of the deal AND to tell me the truth” Cristina explains more.

“That’s why I’m not storming up to you like I’m at all mad or upset like I could have. Because I trust you were good to HER the other night when you took her home the other night.

So I’m actually thanking you for being graceful through all this. For not taking advantage or anything you know.” Cristina articulates as Addison thinks.

Addison realizes that it is uncanny how Cristina found out that she’d spent a night with her very intoxicated best friend and she never said anything negative about that except how she was that Addison had been hiding it from her.

“Meredith was so sure she said nothing sexual had happened because she still had her clothes on. If it has been someone else to find her I’m not so sure she’d be able to say the same thing. So thank you at least. For that. If that helps you understand what I’m thinking” Cristina says solemnly.

“I really didn’t do anything like that to her, or with her for that matter. Ever. Wouldn’t dream of it. She was drunk already the first time I sat down next to her. She was hurting, I was there for her. That was it. Then she needed help getting home so I helped her and I made sure the door wasn’t unlocked behind me. That’s it, end of story” Addison says to her briskly.

“I know. I believe you” Cristina says and Addison breathes a sigh of relief.

“I’m just saying that in the future, you know if it ever occurs to you to see just how great my best friend is, that if you ever wanted to go there with her-. Well, if you did and I’m not saying that you do, I’m just saying that I’d trust you with her, that’s all. That you’d do right by her” Cristina looks at the floor now as she’s pretty sure that Addison is going to tear her a new one again.

“Doctor Yang, you know that I’m straight right? I mean I did just divorce my own husband but that was because I slept with her best friend Mark Sloan behind his back so that really says nothing about my sexual orientation” Addison leans into Cristina’s ear to say this.

“Well so _WERE_ those super close friends who are having their babies together and they’ve known each other since they were three and they claim to have never had feelings for each other in that way before they took all of their clothes off each other in the delivery room.

“So I’m not saying it’s possible or impossible either way for you to actually care more about Meredith Grey as more than your sworn enemy who stole your stupid McDreamy from you so straight or not straight or somewhere in between I’m saying whatever I’m good with it, whether you end up with her or with another girl or another guy or whomever else. That’s all I’m saying. That it’s okay” Cristina offers to her with a shrug.

“Well, I’m as straight as those ladies just said that they WERE” Addison confirms with emphasis before she’s cut off again by doctor Yang before realizing that might not have been the best of all the analogies she could have made.

“Well moving on, like I said I’m not judging your lifestyle or identity crisis or anything with all of this all I’m saying to you is thank you for not sleeping with my drunk best friend or _letting anyone else do anything with her then_ for that matter and for taking her home.” Cristina pauses.

“For taking her to her own home away from the prying eyes and hands of those depressed married men who sometimes stalk Emerald City Bar in search of some rebound they’re bound to get laid with because the girl is so eager to get some sex in them after some long evening shift” Cristina explains clearly to her.

And Addison sighs an inaudible relief when she understands that Cristina is not at all implying that she, herself, would have been the one to be taking all of Meredith’s clothes off the back during that night at the bar.

That she was simply thanking her for having taken Meredith off the market that night so she didn’t screw some old creepy man when she was practically unconscious and in search of a rebound.

Which, in retrospect, Addison is also thanking herself for because she’s so sure she wouldn’t want someone to have slept with Meredith Grey when she wouldn’t be able to stand up or remember it after it all happened. And Addison thinks that she also didn’t get _herself_ into some stupid rebound mess right before her divorce. So it had saved both of them if you looked at it that way.

* * *

And idly, Addison wonders if Cristina had all been implying that it was not _her... B_ ut that it was _Meredith,_ who was at least _vaguely bicurious_ and that Cristina either suspected or knew that because she at first had said “anyone” not just about men when she had implied someone might do something sexual with her.

And then Addison decides that she’s making all of this up to be a much more of a big deal than it has to be. Because really, who would have even skipped to that in their minds when Meredith Grey has been obsessed with Mr. McDreamy as well as her ‘mystery **_man_ **’ since the day she arrived in Seattle.

And she’s pulled out of her reverie by Cristina who’s waving her hand in front of her face to tell her she should take the deal now or leave it.

And so Addison does, she shakes Cristina’s hand as Cristina says she promises she won’t tell in exchange for Addison’s surgeries and the nurse’s special treatment.

And she almost breathes a sigh of relief before Cristina unlocks the door to the examination room and moves to leave her alone in the room.

But before she does she looks back at Addison to give her a meaningful nod, but then she _winks at her_ and says that she’ll never tell another soul -

“Unless someone has some even cooler surgery to offer me in return for your stupid pyloric's” Cristina laughs loudly now as she motions to where or not she should the door behind her.

And Addison collapses to the floor with her hands face-palming her head right now as Cristina still stares at her.

She has this sinking feeling like she’s as old and stupid as that grandma who got run over by a reindeer on Christmas eve.

Because the moment she looks up at Yang’s smirking face, that’s when Addison _knows_ she’s just been played.

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

******* END OF CHAPTER 8**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is a lot of Addison and very little Meredith. That's coming, I just wanted to post before the wait got out of control so you're welcome. Leave a note it makes me post more ! :D


	9. Begin The Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The point is, that Meredith is now following in what she rationalized to be her mother's footsteps. That is, if she could imagine her mother following through with this part though she knew her mother would never be caught dead flirting with a psychiatrist, no less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, not too late in the day, with our LONGEST CHAPTER YET.
> 
> Yes there will be drama.
> 
> But will secrets be revealed?
> 
> Read on to find out !
> 
> \- This is WAY too much fun to write in commentary.
> 
> MWAHAHAHAHA !!!

* * *

**Chapter 9: Begin the Begin**

* * *

Meredith knew that this was one of the stupidest plans in the universe.

She knew she shouldn't have shrugged off Richard Webber's very kind attempts to get her to scrub in with him on a bowel resection.

She knew he was just trying to be kind to her and she believed him when Richard said that it wasn't even his idea to have her on the case to begin with but that he agreed with the other Attending's decision.

And yet, here she was, ignoring Richard Webber the way she always had growing up. Because despite what he wanted to believe, he was only her uncle, and he was certainly NOT her father.

Not that Thatcher Grey was much of a father to her either but that was way besides the point.

* * *

The point is, that Meredith is now following in what she rationalized to be her _mother's_ footsteps. That is, if she could imagine her mother following through with this part though she knew her mother would never be caught dead flirting with a _psychiatrist_ , no less.

But this wasn't really about the flirting and it wasn't really about the psychiatrist, either. It was about her friends getting their hands on the psychiatrist's chart for the 'delusional' patient that had come in last night.

The one who was a boy but who claimed to be pregnant so they'd 5150'd him just so they could take a closer look.

But Meredith and her friends did not want _psychiatry_ to take a closer look at him. _They_ wanted to be the ones to take a closer look at him.

And potentially diagnose and then operate on him.

To take out the - whatever - he was hiding inside of him.

So to make this all work as planned _that's_ why Meredith was flirting with the boy psychiatrist right now.

And she'd like to think that she wasn't even doing too bad of a job at it, either.

* * *

"Ahem" Meredith clears her throat loudly while rapping her knuckles on the Psychiatry office window.

The boy psychiatrist looks up at her with a _pencil in his mouth no less_ and frowns as he folds his papers onto his desk and moves closer to where Meredith is standing.

He opens the window, pencil _still_ in mouth, as Meredith smiles at him and asks with her most flirty smile: "How 'you doing?"

His eyes widen suddenly as he looks down at Meredith's scrubs which are pulled all the way down to show off her cleavage and he takes the pencil out of his mouth with his hand while he waits for what Meredith is about to say to him next.

Meredith contemplates the rush of power she feels in her mind when she tries to seduce people - especially when she tries to seduce unsuspecting boy-men. Because Meredith likes to try her magic on people when she knows for sure she can win.

"You look good" Meredith continues her assault of compliments now as she attempts to make her eyes as dark and as seductive as humanly possible while also staring at her two friends Izzie and Cristina who is stealing a chart stealthily from the back of the psychiatrist's office.

"Come on, we're friends" Meredith continues as he swallows deeply before saying something back to her.

"What's my name" the psychiatrist challenges her.

* * *

Meredith simply tilts her head to the side with a smirk as she tries to glance down at his name embroidery quickly but before she manages to read it, he's covered it with his fingers.

Meredith clicks her tongue at him as if to admonish him for being so silly before she looks him right in the eye as she prepares for what she's about to say to him next.

"Umm… alright." Meredith looks at the floor so an embarrassing blush can show all the way through her rosy cheeks.

"So I don't know your name" Meredith admits in a seductive grin, her voice audibly dropping an entire octave as she speaks those words smoothly.

By this time her best friends seem to have captured the proper chart because just as they were leaving the psychiatrist man turns around briefly as if he's heard some sort of commotion go on.

"It's not like we can't...talk" Meredith tries to continue but her voice has returned to the normal pitch as he frowns, looking behind himself again.

"You don't have to be a surgeon for me to talk to you, you know" Meredith lowers her voice again deliberately after having let that thing slide almost once.

* * *

And he's looking up at her again now, only this time he seems almost… interested. Intrigued, to say the least.

And judging by the way he's leaning in Meredith thinks she's doing one _hell_ of a job at seducing random strangers.

At work, and at will, no less.

And Meredith Grey feels pretty damn powerful knowing that it's not only Doctor McDreamy who can be the one who's enjoying the _chase._

In fact, Meredith Grey feels pretty damn _ecstatic_ that she can have a boy-man wrapped right around her pretty little finger in no less than two seconds flat.

"Really" the boy psychiatrist challenges her again.

"Really," she says looking him square in the eye now.

"Because I thought that you only talked to _Attendings_ " he snarks back at her.

* * *

And if that wasn't the truest truth that could ever be spoken on this entire planet then what would be.

Which Meredith obviously doesn't know _yet_. Or _anymore_. _Or would ever know._

If Addison Montgomery had anything to say about it. Because she's been watching this whole entire scene play out from the other end of the hallway

* * *

And she's well beyond angry. She's well beyond furious also. She's right up there with _psychotic rage_. Or perhaps she's feeling waves of _deeply seeded aggression._

Because it was beyond each and every one of Addison Montgomery's expectations that she could keep Meredith from drowning herself in some slutty stranger when she's heartbroken.

And she keeps her from finding out the secret that's been gnawing at her insides ever since she took the girl home safe and sound.

And to whom she offers a decent surgery with a decent surgeon to scrub in on for _free_ no help from her little friends.

And _after all of that-_.

Meredith Grey is throwing all of her stupid progress away for some stupid side fling with some stupid boy psychiatrist.

Who, for the record, not that anyone was asking, that Addison doesn't know the name of, either.

* * *

And the idea that some slimy looking psychiatrist boy - man - boy - male - boy - penis - boy - could be putting her hands anywhere and everywhere over the delicate flower that was THE Meredith Grey-

THE intern that SHE had saved from all those stupid boy-man-penises on countless occasions -

That she would be screwing around in no time and throwing her entire career away in the process was just an impossible thought for Addison Montgomery to fathom.

* * *

And to add to it all, what the smug little boy-man had said to her about "only talking to attendings" was _clearly_ referring right to Derek.

And Derek was the last thing that Addison wanted to have to deal with anything about today.

Because she doesn't like to think about Meredith with Derek.

Because she doesn't like to think about Meredith with random bar boys.

Because she doesn't like to think about Meredith with random psychiatrists.

Because she doesn't like to think about Meredith spending her precious spare time with other Attending Physicians who are not HER-.

* * *

_Wait now, what now?! Where on earth had that pesky HER come from ?!_

* * *

Addison doesn't like to think about the implications of where her mind just entangled her hatred of sleazy men trying to screw young subordinate interns with her own association with the blonde woman.

Addison doesn't like to think about the implications of her wanting to spend any more time with Meredith than she had to. She was, after all, her ex-husband's mistress and she herself was the 'filthy whore' who cheated on her ex-?boyfriend.

Addison doesn't like to think about the vague and lustrous possibility that she was not only _ANGRY_ at the boy-man-psychiatrist but that she was _JEALOUS_ of the boy-man-psychiatrist because Meredith Grey had just been hitting overtly on _HIM_ and not _HER._

Addison doesn't like to think about how she might not be decidedly as straight as she once thought and she _really_ doesn't like to think about how she might just be developing and repressing the most _inappropriate of crushes_ on the most _inappropriate person for her to develop an inappropriate crush on, ever._

And Addison _really_ doesn't like to think about how she couldn't - could - would - wouldn't - shouldn't - should - maybe - never - definitely - might - maybe - perhaps - someday - fail to - try to - attempt to - never ever attempt to ever reveal to Cristina, _MUCH LESS_ Meredith Grey how she was _REALLY_ (trying, but failing miserably to-) _NOT to feel anything._

And _MUCH LESS THAN THAT_ was she ever going to act on those feelings - _THAT MAY OR MAY NOT ACTUALLY EVER OR HAVE EVER EXIST OR EXISTED -_ for the woman no matter how much or how strongly or how surely her brain and body and dare she say it - heart - was telling her to act on them.

The feelings, that is.

The feelings that Addison most definitely WAS NOT HAVING for Meredith Grey.

Which she's not going to do any more thinking about as she stands right in front of her.

* * *

So instead of thinking anything more about it, Addison stalks up to Meredith Grey just as the psychiatrist is closing the office window in her face.

And Meredith _still smirking_ that smug little grin she's got on when she thinks she's seduced someone and it makes Addison so freaking _hot-headed_ she just wants to _scream_ at her.

But she's an Attending of course.

So she doesn't.

She doesn't scream at Meredith in fact she's hardly said anything to Meredith at all.

* * *

Addison was about to give Meredith an earful about " _respect_ " and " _collaborative medicine"_ and " _keeping her professional career intact_ " by the time she's so close to her now that she's towering over the shorter, blonde intern.

And she's staring piercingly into those little blue eyes with her green ones with her very, _very_ severe and serious expression.

And she's got her hands waving up in the air in exclamation when she's interrupted by someone else pushing her aside and wedging themselves in between Addison and Meredith.

And Addison furrows her brow in confusion as she looks past the person who's pushed her out of the way into the startled and almost scared expression of Meredith Grey who is too stunned to move at all anywhere.

So it's Addison who takes a step back allowing the someone who pushed her to take a step forward again.

And then Addison focuses her eyes back to the body of the person directly in front of her.

Because as fate would have it, it would be _them_ giving _Addison_ a piece of their mind today, rather than the other way around.

* * *

"I haven't told her yet!" Cristina yells at Addison while simultaneously _winking at her._

* * *

And Addison is too stunned at her announcement to process her oncoming realization that Cristina Yang had in fact just yelled that _OUT LOUD AND IN PUBLIC IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE DAMN HOSPITAL_.

"I haven't told her yet what this patient is about" She continues in a normal volume this time.

And now Addison is completely confused all over again because she thought for sure that Yang was talking to her about the "not telling Meredith about the note and ergo their (Meredith and Addison's) drunken encounter" thing.

And another eyebrow-raising look at Cristina Yang proves to Addison that she wasn't wrong about Cristina referencing that deal and conversation that she'd had with her.

It just meant that Cristina was cleverly disguising that loaded exchange they just shared so that she could keep talking to her about this apparently emergent patient that Cristina and Izzie-

(and therefore, also Meredith, though Cristina hadn't told her yet about that part either)

-had been complicit in blatantly _stealing straight out of the psych ward_ that very morning.

"We were actually on our way looking for you" Cristina speaks to Addison calmly now as if there were nothing unusual and absolutely nothing to be un-calm about.

"Why would you be looking for _me_?" Addison asks her in a way that Cristina can tell she's trying all too hard to keep her voice from shaking when she says all of it to her.

"Because _HE_ thinks that he is _PREGNANT_ " Cristina exclaims to her without missing a beat.

* * *

All the while Izzie Stevens-

(Who is now standing beside Meredith but who was also previously stealing this chart from the psychiatry office with Cristina before Addison caught them and therefore who saw everything that went on and everything the two had said to each other but who was clueless as to the subtext of everything they were talking about)

And Meredith Grey-

(Who is standing right behind Cristina Yang but who has her eyes poking up at Addison and who is eyeing her curiously with an embarrassed sort of glance as the realization washes over her that yet _another_ one of the Doctor Shepherds- Well actually Addison isn't even a Doctor Shepherd anymore - Well that yet _another_ one of the Seattle Grace Attendings had just bared witness to her spectacular - probably never going to be an Emmy award-winning - performance of "hitting on a total stranger in public to get something in return that she wasn't supposed to".

(The first one being, of course, Derek, who had been the subject of the first set of flirting for something she wasn't supposed to have - which is adulterous sex with her boss - after a drunken night bar encounter)

And Cristina Yang-

(Who is now pleading with both her eyes at her not to act suspiciously which could rat the both of them out now. Because even though it's Addison's secret that Cristina is keeping from Meredith, she's not the only one who has something to lose here anymore. Cristina could very lose her best friend because lord knows Meredith would really not be happy with her if she finds out from _Addison of all people_ that Cristina - her best friend and her _person_ \- had been keeping important secrets - about her - from her.

And Addison somehow catches it. She catches on to the importance of the necessity of her own Emmy-award-winning-possibly performance that this situation requires.

So she takes the chart from Cristina simply, and without raising her eyes again at either of the three of them, rattles off labs and tests that the interns should order for this "potentially pregnant male-boy-man-person so that they can get a closer look at whatever he might be hiding in that huge protrusion he has hanging out of his abdomen.

And Addison swears she can hear Cristina release the breath she didn't know she'd been holding when Addison hands her back the chart with a smirk and tells her she better have a _damn good excuse_ to be keeping her from those disgusting-yet-cute pyloric stenosis babies she was supposed to be operating on today.

And Cristina looks at her expectantly, asking her what things that there is that needs to be done for _them_.

* * *

And the slip of the tongue, subtly switching the "him" to "them" embedded inside the familiar phrasing which she had used only a day ago when she had stuffed that stupid note right back into Cristina's pocket was not lost in Addison's consciousness.

So Addison sighs and thinks deeply before looking up, first at Grey, then at Yang again to tell her to figure out as much as she possibly can from external sources about _the patient_ , nodding at Cristina to let her know that she's talking about Meredith as well in double entendre. And she watches in relief as Cristina Yang scurries off again.

Then she rips off the requisition form for the labs and presses it into Doctor Steven's chest as she walks past both Grey and Stevens, and from behind she tells Izzie to put a damn rush on those labs and to tell the technician it was for Doctor Montgomery-With-No-Shepherd-On-Her-Name-Anymore. And Izzie does.

And before she turns the corner to go check on those two pyloric stenosis babies again like she was going to do before she was so _shockingly_ interrupted, she motions at the still motionless remaining Intern and asks her to follow her.

And she peeks down at the room number quietly before she asks Meredith Grey to show her the way to this 'pregnant boy-man-patient's' room'.

* * *

And she swallows hard thinking about how she really wishes, yet doesn't wish at the same time, that Cristina Yang had actually broken her promise to her - that she had traded those surgeries for Meredith's own assigned surgeries - so that she could tell Meredith the dirty little secret - so that Meredith would finally know - remember - re-remember? - that fateful night at the bar and in the cab and in her house -

So that Addison could stop feeling like she was lying to the poor girl all the time and just treat her like any other normal surgical intern.

And she sighs as Meredith misinterprets her sigh and tries to _comfort_ the weary-looking Addison.

* * *

As Meredith looks up at Addison with her big warm blue eyes, she reaches really far up Addison's taller and fuller body to wrap her arm around Addison's shoulder.

So Meredith can tell Addison "thank you" for not ratting her out about flirting with the psychiatrist boy-penis-man just so she and her friends could steal this 'mystery-pregnant-man's chart.

So Meredith could, for once, forget about that other 'mystery man' that Addison turns away so Meredith can't see the look on her face when she mentions that.

So Meredith could, for once, forget about their past trauma and drama and she could forget about stupid McDreamy and about the fact that Addison was his stupidly pretty McWife.

And Addison sighs into the contact as she feels Meredith hold onto her tightly as she tries lamely to pull away.

And Addison thinks she really wishes more than anything that she could stop lying to herself about these stupid feelings she's been stupidly having about this stupidly sweet intern.

The one right beside her right now who keeps working her way into her heart all the while riling her up with the worst - and the best - kind of crazy that Addison could ever imagine.

* * *

"Time to begin the begin," Addison tells the patient professionally.

"Ask me anything" the mystery-boy-man-fake-pregnant-patient grins proudly right up at both of them.

"Well look who's ready to be super open and honest, doesn't that make all of our lives so much easier for once," Meredith says without any tinge of a smirk.

And the ten-pound lead-weight of the irony is never lost on Addison Montgomery, who simply looks up from writing up in her chart, and smiles to herself, with Meredith's Grey's arm still wrapped tightly around her shoulder.

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

******* END OF CHAPTER 9**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, cheers to another, folks. Turns out that sometimes plot takes a turn where you never knew you wanted it to.
> 
> Still have no clue where we're headed next so if you have any requests, let me know!
> 
> Leave a note in the comments it warms my heart.
> 
> Have a great one.
> 
> CHEERS !


	10. Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No, the last thing that Addison Montgomery needed right now was another pair of eyes on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we go, friends.  
> The longest chapter so far, ever.  
> It's double the length of most,  
> Like four times the lengeth of Chapter One.  
> And it's all for you readers!
> 
> ENJOY!

* * *

**Chapter 10: Tell Me Sweet Little Lies**

* * *

They're trying to diagnose a pregnant _MAN._ As if that weren't at all an oxymoron.

They've shotgunned all the labs, tests and procedures in the books and they were stumped.

Izzie, Cristina, and Meredith were all on the case originally (because they _stole it_ ).

But for whatever reason (that Cristina knew the reason but it wasn't hers to say),

Their Attending wasn't giving them any shit at all about stealing him over from psych.

In fact, if they had to guess they might have said that she looked awfully _cheerful_ for once.

She even brought the other interns George O'Malley and Alex Karev onto the case.

So that they could all work to figure this out together. They didn't know she was trying to,

Well, keep this on the down-low from the other Attendings. She didn't need any extra attention.

Not from people like Richard Webber, or Preston Burke, or, heaven forbid _, Derek Shepherd._

No, the last thing that Addison Montgomery needed right now was another pair of eyes on her.

* * *

They thought it was a reward, or at the very least a way to win them over for Doctor Bailey.

Because as she'd said not so long ago to one of them in passing:

"Let me know when you've decided how important it is for you to hate me".

And with the following along of their elaborate plan to diagnose a 'pregnant man',

The group of interns seemed to start to feel the MAGIC and stopped wanting to hate Addison.

They all kind of started to almost, dare they say, like her. She _was_ annoyingly kind.

She was a good teacher. She was fair and equal. And she cared about them, truly.

She wasn't arrogant like Derek, demanding like Burke or old like Webber. She wasn't Bailey.

And the one person who should have every reason under the sun to _hate_ Addison actively,

* * *

Well, Meredith stopped hating her as much (not because of the night at the bar of course,

Because she still couldn't remember the vaguest thing about _THAT_ night. Her mystery night).

But it was because Addison had told her she was getting a divorce and she looked just so, sad.

She looked human almost. So that's why she put her arm around her the other day.

When they went to talk to this 'pregnant man patient'. Because a part of her was happy.

Just that Addison was being nice to her. Probably to get her not to hate her so much.

But a part of Meredith felt honored that someone as formidable as Addison Forbes Montgomery,

Would instantly pick _her_ , to choose _her_ \- to be the first one to see the 'pregnant man', that is.

* * *

And so Meredith was content with the idea, that maybe even if she didn't _like_ her really yet.

That she could at least follow suit with the other interns and decide not to _hate_ Addison.

At least not as much as she did the moment she walked into that door over to her and Derek.

To say "Addison Shepherd, and you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband."

Because _this_ Addison, seemed to be a far, far cry from the Addison of that fateful evening.

But alas, Meredith is rambling in her head as she rushes off to pick up the results of the biopsy.

And Cristina was off to pick up the results of the tilt test. And those were in opposite directions.

So after they'd left the patient room, Meredith didn't see either Cristina or Addison after.

Not for the rest of the workday that day. Not in person, anyhow, anyways, and whatever.

* * *

It was the rest of Bailey's interns, Izzie Stevens, George O'Malley, Alex Karev, and Addison,

Who were all stuck inside of that room, grilling the 'pregnant man' for the rest of the day?

They had each taken turns going over diagnostic questionnaires. Asking him all of it.

Nothing was really jelling, and eventually, Addison even brought them some snacks.

They munched on them quietly and thanked her, she even brought them some sodas,

Addison was pulling all of the stops to try to get the junior interns to hate her less.

Addison leaves snacks and sodas for Cristina and Meredith too by their lockers.

This time she leaves a _typed_ note on purpose, one of her business cards on it.

It indicated it was from _her_ and for _them_ , but without her handwriting on any of it.

She said to herself she was just being fair and square. But she did want to treat them.

Them being both Cristina for keeping quiet so far, and Meredith for not hating her much.

At least not overtly. I mean she _had_ had her arm wrapped around Addison's shoulder.

* * *

Eventually, Addison wanders into her own locker. She selects her keys and her coat.

She's decided the 'pregnant person' isn't going to die on them all this evening.

So she leaves them with only the interns for the moment, who are working the night shift.

Meredith and Cristina are not back yet, so she doesn't say goodbye to them at all.

Instead, she says goodnight to George, Izzie, and Alex and tells them to page her if necessary.

They all wave goodbye as does the 'pregnant person', who thanks her for taking him on.

And as she puts on her coat, she sits down for a second, finishing off her own snack and soda.

She's hardly eaten these past few days. And she looks defeated, yet confident. And, _different_.

* * *

The interns notice Addison's difference in demeanor and to them, she looks just, so, _human._

Like she hadn't before when she was only the McWife who had cheated on that McBastard.

As Addison steeles herself to get up and go home to the hotel to sleep, she sighs.

She takes out her set of car keys, and she absent-mindedly runs her finger over one.

She's holding Meredith Grey's house key in the palm of her hand, just feeling the weight of it.

She's letting it fall through her fingers gently, as she picks up the set by the ring.

The boys are bickering over some hot nurse girl chick Olivia again, joking with the patient.

But the one other remaining girl in the room has checked out of that conversation.

* * *

It's Izzie, Izzie Stevens who is sighing and giving Addison what can only be described,

As a "sympathetic look". One that is trying too hard to say "Ugh, boys will be boys."

Which makes Addison smile at her out of the corner of her mouth. And she mouths "Goodluck."

Izzie laughs at that, as Addison takes one last glance back at the room before leaving.

And as she does, in the very bottom of Izzie's subconsciousness, stares at Addison's keys.

And as she does before Addison holds them all in a tight first, she can't help but wonder.

Wonder why one of them seems so out of place on that keychain, and vaguely familiar.

* * *

Meredith finds her spare house key that evening when she stumbles and trips over the doormat in front of her house and she kicks it all over in anger. She then eyes the key that's been placed there and runs it over into her fingers, finding instinctively the small "M" that had been carved there making her sure to god she was holding her own copy and not one of the spare ones she'd made out for her roommates at the start of the year.

She should be happy.

She isn't though.

She doesn't know why.

"Well, that settles that," Meredith says with a sad sigh as she uses her own key now to tumble the lock open and let herself in. She tells herself that it's really for the best that there's not someone let loose in Seattle with a way into her home at any time and that she hadn't needed to tell any of her friends about her predicament other than Cristina who is probably panicking so she texts her she got her key back anonymously before she makes her way over to the kitchen.

As Meredith stares at her un-straight potted plant right now that she's watering she can't help but to think that she really really wishes that this mystery man still had a reason to see her again so she could finally find out who he was. And she's mulling this all over as she gets dressed for bed and gets into it. And Meredith realizes that this is the first time since the day before she started at Seattle Grace that she didn't keep thinking McDreamy thoughts as she falls asleep.

 _Because, she thinks, 'mystery man' gave her the key back, but he still has the key to her_ _heart_ _._

Meredith fantasizes about what she would say to him if she ever met this man. She fantasizes about saying to him "thank you for taking me home, but not in a slutty way". She fantasizes about saying to him all the things she used to want to say to Derek but now wasn't so sure about saying to Derek. Like how he was dreamy. Damn, Meredith would have to come up with another nickname for him. _McMystery_ she guesses. Calling him 'mystery man' is getting old.

She wonders to herself if she'll ever fall in love with him. Would he even be good looking enough? Would he be any better looking than Derek? Oh god, what if he was worse would she still like him? What if he looked exactly like someone she knew like Doctor Burke, Cristina's boyfriend. Now that would be all kinds of fucked up, now wouldn't it. Or what if he looked like one of her previous one-night stands. What if he _WAS_ one of her previous one-night stands!?

What if she _had_ known him once.

What if he hated her.

What if _she_ hated _him_?

Or what if he was even better looking than she could even imagine? Meredith had sure had her choice of good-looking and sweet-talking-lovers when she had been sleeping her way through Europe with her high school best friend Sadie Harries, who still called her "death" and who she still called her "die. What if he had a cool accent like maybe Australian? Or maybe Italian? Or even Irish? She could go for all or any of those super neat accents in a lover. McMystery lover!

* * *

Of course, Meredith could really not go on any longer freaking out about this by herself. So instead she decides to dial and call up her best friend - and her _person_ \- Doctor Cristina Yang.

******* INCOMING CALL FROM BEST TWISTED SISTER FRIEND MEREDITH GREY *******

Cristina picks up her phone the third time it rings. She settles in with her pajamas and popcorn and switches on a movie she's seen a thousand times before as she calls her best friend.

"CRISTINA I GOT MY HOUSE KEY BACK FROM THE MYSTERY MAN!" Meredith yells.

"Yeah I got your text, you said. So where was it exactly?"

"Under my doormat. I nearly broke my wrist when I tripped over the corner of it, god. At least I caught myself on the door after" Meredith recounts as Cristina does her very best to wait patiently and not give anything away with her voice.

"So did you like, see anyone put it there?" Cristina asks neutrally.

"No, there was no mystery man to be seen," Meredith says. "The whole street was deserted. And I looked from my bedroom window but nothing, no sounds either. Guess I'll just never know, huh" Meredith says.

"You sound disappointed," says Cristina to her.

"I guess I sort of am. I mean I have my key back which is convenient but I guess, well I guess I liked the mystery of it all. Like I'm liking this 'fake pregnant guy' case because it's fun to solve a mystery. I feel like a spy" says Meredith cheerfully.

"Is that the ONLY reason you like working on that 'pregnant guy' case, Mer" Cristina asks gently.

"Yeah and that all of us are on it together I guess" Meredith shrugs.

"What about working with Addison? Don't you like, hate the She-Satan?" Cristina asks carefully.

"Well, I guess I thought I hated her. I hate the idea of her. And I hate that she's still married to Derek and I hate that she's all leggy and fabulous and annoyingly kind and saved your life so it's really hard to hate her, kind of hate her.

But I guess she's been trying really hard to win me over, like with the potato chips and the diet sodas. And she let me palpate the 'pregnant person's' abdomen by myself.

So even though I still kinda do hate her for hurting Derek and for showing up here unannounced, and I still wouldn't want to like, spend a night hanging out with her-

Cristina snorts at that before she can't contain herself and when Meredith says "What?" In question to her snorting, she sobers up and tells her-

"it's only funny because I can't really imagine Meredith enjoying spending a night with McDreamy's wife either, given who they are to each other" and Meredith nods.

* * *

Cristina releases the breath she's been holding when Meredith accepts as she tells her these sweet little lies at face value and goes on to say that she only put her arm around Addison that one time because she thought she was going to cry over missing Derek.

And so that she could whisper to her "thank-you" for not squealing on them to the chief when they stole that patient from the psych floor and made Meredith flirt with the stupid boy-psychiatrist just because she lost at rock-paper-scissors.

And Cristina nods and accepts this and says to Meredith "Thanks, for telling Addison thanks for not ratting us out" she says genuinely, even if she sort of knew it was a non-issue with Addison.

"You're welcome" Meredith grins at her again.

"So what are you thinking now about this whole 'mystery man thing' Cristina asks ploddingly.

"Well, I have these fantasies that he's gonna be like, Australian, or Italian, or Irish" Meredith says to her.

"Don't you like- speak a bit of Italian" Cristina says to her.

"Yeah I took it in college," says Meredith.

* * *

"Can I ask you something, Meredith?" Cristina says softly.

"Sure go ahead" Meredith answers, wondering what Cristina would have to ask her permission to ask her.

"Did you ever like, kiss a girl, like in college?" Cristina tries to act casually.

"Yeah did you?" Meredith answers without hesitation.

"Sometimes, mostly when I wasn't sober but sometimes when I was. I'm like vaguely somewhere on that spectrum" Cristina shrugs like it's no big deal.

"Why are you asking me this all the sudden? Is it because you wouldn't wanna sleep-over if you knew I slept with women" Meredith asks her, and Cristina can tell she's about to cry.

"OH GOD NO MER! DON'T CRY" she says quickly. "I have no problem with it, I promise and of course I'll still sleep-over. I just wanted to ask you because I once dated a woman and just didn't want to feel all alone" Cristina says, actually honestly.

* * *

She had been with women in college, as well as some of her male professors. And it was something she accepted and was open to. She didn't have any active crushes on anyone right now really.

She had once thought that nurse Olivia was hot, but after the George-Alex-Syphilis incident, she didn't really want to go there with her. Plus she was really into Burke these days.

"Glad you're still my best friend," says Mer.

"Always," says Cristina.

"So you know, I don't think of YOU that way Cristina," Meredith says clearly. "You're my best friend and soulmate and twisted sister and partner in crime and my PERSON.

"But I don't wanna date you, not because you're not hot and all just because I would never wanna wreck what we have together you know?"

"I'm a bit of a mess in relationships and you deserve better than me. I need someone stable. And I'm kinda hung up on this mystery man right now, plus Derek." Meredith says.

"It's okay Mer, I wouldn't wanna date you either. You're really beautiful but just not for me. And I have a thing for Burke and you know it. By the way, how is he?" Cristina asks her.

"Seems moody," Meredith says. "He doesn't talk to me 'cause I'm besties with you," she says.

"Sounds about right," Cristina says. "Thanks anyhow," she says.

"Good luck Cristina. Thanks for calming me down. I was freaking the hell out about this mystery man and my key. I think I'm going to take a hot shower now. Bye" Meredith says.

"See you later, twin" Cristina hangs up the phone and sighs.

She knows a whole heck of a lot more than she used to know now.

And she knows just who she wants to text about it, too.

* * *

Downstairs in Meredith's household, Izzie and George and Alex were all hanging out. They moved from the kitchen after dinner and Mer had left to call Cristina in a panic then shower.

They watched old surgery tapes of Ellis Grey they could find and they made bets with each other about this 'mystery pregnancy' patient of theirs. Currently, the wager was at $100.

George and Alex were distracted because they thought that they'd seen glimpses of a really hot girl go by the house earlier that was all wrapped up with a scarf over her face.

They were talking about how hot a body she had but that she was weirdly snooping around their front porch looking for a mailbox before she bent over and inspected their doormat and left.

Izzie, only half paying attention to this conversation, vaguely wonders if this has anything to do with the fact that Addison had earlier been fidgeting with a familiar-looking key on her ring.

But she decided against mentioning this because the last thing that Izzie wanted was for anyone to think that _she_ had some weird obsession with their boss or that she thought she was hot.

Plus, she wasn't even sure if what she saw was true, nor if what the boys said they saw was true. For all, they know they could be saying "I saw what I saw" just to one-up each other.

* * *

**Text Message, Time 19:02, Location, Seattle.**

**_CRISTINA YANG TO NEW CONTACT - ADDISON FORBES MONTGOMERY._ **

**CRISTINA**

[ SO I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE FROM URGENT CALL FROM MEREDITH GREY TELLING ME THAT SHE GOT HER KEY BACK FROM HER MYSTERY MAN. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF MS. RULER-OF-ALL-THAT-IS-EVIL?]

**ADDISON**

[Where did she find it? And how do you even know my number?]

**CRISTINA**

[Your number was on your charts. The piece I stole. Remember? The one I am holding hostage as proof of your writing that matches your note writing that proves you are Meredith's 'mystery man'. That one. It had a phone number typed on the bottom of it and I thought I'd give it a shot.]

**ADDISON**

[DID YOU TEXT THE OTHER PHONE NUMBER ON IT. And where did she find her key?]

**CRISTINA**

[No, why? And she found it where you left it I imagine.]

**ADDISON**

[The other phone number is the one for my office. So if you texted that one first I would have had your above text on my _work_ voicemail and that is NOT exactly something I would like to have beeping for the chief of surgery to walk by and hear.]

[And I left it under the mat on her doorstep is that what she told you?]

**CRISTINA**

[Oh, sorry. Chill. It didn't happen. I texted only this number first. And yes she said it was under the doormat which she tripped over and almost fell when she found it. If she injured herself trying to get in her door and had to miss work she could sue you. You're lucky.]

**ADDISON**

[Why is it then, that somehow, I don't feel so lucky right now? Also don't give my number to your friends, please. I am your ATTENDING.]

**CRISTINA**

[Do you not feel lucky because you are not GETTING LUCKY? ;) . Just sayin']

**ADDISON**

[CRISTINA YANG THIS IS SO INAPPROPRIATE I AM NOT HAVING THAT CONVERSATION WITH YOU.]

**CRISTINA**

[I'll take that as a hard "YES" then. A yes that you're not feeling so lucky right now, because of the "NO" that you're not getting any lately.]

**ADDISON**

[WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE.]

_Addison is feeling completely annoyed at this intern's lack of discretion. And also at the complete and utter accuracy of her statements. God, Addison needed to get laid. If she had someone to get laid with she'd have them shove her up against the wall of this godforsaken hotel room and make out with her roughly till she caved and shoved their fingers into her._

**CRISTINA**

[If you were getting laid, Addison, you wouldn't be texting your intern from your hotel room, you'd be banging them against the wall in said hotel room.]

_Now that's just scary, just how good a read Cristina is, Addison thinks to herself._

**ADDISON**

[CRISTINA I AM WARNING YOU.]

**CRISTINA**

[What are you going to do? Show the chief all your texts? Then he'd be reading the ones about your sexual frustrations along with your secret 'mystery man' lesbian lover dual identity.]

**ADDISON**

[I AM NOT A LESBIAN.]

**CRISTINA**

[Well, if you ever wanna find out if you swing that way I can recommend some great internet apps out there to you. There's Grindr but that's only for boys and there's Her the app which is only for girls and then there's Tinder and that's out there for everyone. So if you ask me, I'd say go for Tinder. Or try them all at once and see if that's working for ya]

**ADDISON**

[Cristina, I AM _MARRIED_.]

**CRISTINA**

[Didn't stop you from going to the bar all alone before. Plus I mean everyone who's anyone knows that you're getting a divorce like, tomorrow. If you think that your voice is quiet when you are yelling at Derek I am sorry but you are sorely mistaken]

**ADDISON**

[I AM NOT GOING ON ANY DATING APPS I AM STILL MARRIED]

**CRISTINA**

[Well when you're not, you can just look them up then. Or you can save yourself the trouble and just go hit on your dark and twisty intern crush who you've been spending all your time with that 'not pregnant patient' and stalking with snacks and sodas.]

**ADDISON**

[THOSE SNACKS WERE FOR EVERYONE. AND GREY WAS WORKING ON THE CASE SAME AS YOU. I WAS WITH HER TO GIVE HER A BREAK BECAUSE I FELT BAD FOR HER ENDING UP BREAKING UP WITH DEREK WHEN I SHOWED UP IN SEATTLE.]

**CRISTINA**

[Dude, that's like the gayest thing you've ever said.]

**ADDISON**

[Ugh, whatever just because it sounds gay to eat snacks apparently it doesn't mean I actually am gay in any way shape or form. And I DO NOT have a thing for GREY.]

**CRISTINA**

[Feeling bad for your ex-husband's ex-mistress, feeding her snacks and soda while wrapping your arm around her waist, hanging out in a mystery patient's room, carrying her into her house, leaving her a note and then NOT telling her the note was from you are the things that are gay, Addison.

[Snacks are just an Addison-shaped symptom, which I am grateful for because they were delicious, by the way. But yeah they are the symptom, and not the cause. And they're not exclusive to gays either.]

**ADDISON**

[She was beaten up pretty badly by my idiot ex-husband. It was a girl-code thing. Solidarity against the Derek of the world. She called it the 'people who dated Derek and now life sucks' club.

**CRISTINA**

[If you have your own private _club name_ then I take back everything I just said. You're already dating apparently and you're basically going to move in with each other next week due to lesbian U-HAULING. Good for you, I bet that the hotel gets expensive, not that you care because you're like a billionaire. Just promise me this; that when having sex with my best friend that you close the door and don't make me watch. Because I don't need to see my best friend getting naked with my boss in her bed.]

**ADDISON**

[WE ARE NOT A COUPLE FOR THE LAST TIME CRISTINA.]

_Addison does her very best to erase the images of a naked Meredith Grey in her bed hat just flushed through her mind. And she'd like to say that she was succeeding but mostly she was just making things worse._

**CRISTINA**

[OOPS, Hit a nerve.]

[Well, anyways, if you do wanna consider going out with her later once you get over your gay panic, there's that neat little Vietnamese place on Bank Street she likes. I personally hate Vietnamese, despite being slightly Korean, so it would be a huge favor for me if you take her there instead so she'll stop bugging me.]

**ADDISON**

[I AM NOT TAKING MEREDITH OUT TO DINNER SO YOU CAN STOP SENDING ME RECOMMENDATIONS YANG.]

**CRISTINA**

[But I bet you'd like it if she begged you ;) ]

[Think of it as a favor, it's not like you lived here long. Try it out for yourself. Maybe you'll love it or maybe you'll hate it and we can dislike it mutually.]

**ADDISON**

[I'm not answering any of that. And I'm not taking your bullshit anymore Cristina, it's getting late and we both still have work tomorrow so if you're not going to tell me why you really started texting me then I'm going to stop replying. I do have other things on a weekday night you know.]

**CRISTINA**

[Ok, fine if you're going to get all hot and bothered about it I'll stop sending you date night suggestions.]

[And if you want me to keep all of this AND the other night AND the note all to myself then you're going to have to up the ante on my deal.]

**ADDISON**

[You're already on the 'pregnant person as well as the two pylorics' with me that's all I even have right now as a caseload, Yang. I'm sorry but I don't have anything else to give you]

**CRISTINA**

[Still, you could maybe perhaps put in a good word for me with Doctor Preston Burke for me? He's still mad about the whole not telling him I was pregnant thing and I still sort of miss him. Professionally, I mean. I want _in_ on some cardio crap. So can you give a good word to Burke about me and then I can say that we're even?]

**ADDISON**

[Cristina this blackmailing is getting to be a tad bit ridiculous you do know that, right?]

**CRISTINA**

[WELL HELLO THERE, POT, MEET KETTLE! You're the one who insists it's _no big deal at all_ that you took Doctor Grey home one evening after having drunken conversations about how you both hate your mutual ex. So you left her a note and she wants to know who it is. It's not like you did anything you could regret so why do you even care not to tell her.]

[Normally I wouldn't be nice enough to tell you you should get rid of the one thing I can hold over your head but I think you're starting to lose it, Doctor Montgomery, and I really don't want to miss out on any more of your cool medicine just because you're having a severe mental crisis.]

**ADDISON**

[Well it's good to know what I deeply and truly mean to you, Yang. But seriously I'll take it. I'll tell Doctor Burke to consider you for the next big cardio procedure if you can keep your damn mouth shut to Meredith until I can figure out what the hell I'm supposed to be telling her.]

_Addison is frantically typing with her fingers now because not only is she infuriated with the young intern, she's infuriated with herself because she both can't bring herself tell Meredith and can't shake these favors she's doing for Cristina and she can't crack this stupid 'pregnant man' case even with the help of - ALL. OF. BAILEY's. INTERNS. So yes, Addison is furious._

**CRISTINA**

[See you tomorrow, Doctor Montgomery-Nothing. I will thank you for those sick and diseased hearts when I see them. I won't give your number to friends or total strangers. And about your stupid little note and your stupid little night with my best friend, you know my lips sealed. I know.]

_Cristina thinks that this is going to be the end of teasing Addison tonight because she'd already gotten what she wanted so she shrugs. But before she knows it, her phone lights up again and Cristina reads it._

**ADDISON**

[YOU ARE ONE TWISTED SISTER CRISTINA, WISHING FOR ACTUAL HEART TRAUMA.]

_She answers her quickly, not expecting a reply. But one comes to her anyhow._

**CRISTINA**

[NOT AS TWISTED AS YOU, DOCTOR NOT MRS. McDREAMY. BUT I AM A 'TWISTED SISTER' NO LESS. ME AND MEREDITH ALREADY STOLE TWISTED SISTERS SO YOU TWO NEED TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING ELSE TO CALL YOURSELVES]

_Christina types to her in ALL CAPS._

**ADDISON**

[THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN ME AND GREY. WE DON'T NEED A NICKNAME OR A SHIP NAME OR A COUPLE CONTEST OR FOR YOU TO TALK ABOUT HOW MEREDITH SUGGESTED TEAM 'Slept with Derek so now life sucks' club' BECAUSE SHE WAS DRUNK AND DOESN'T REMEMBER ANY OF THAT ANYWAY. SO GET OUT OF MY PHONE IT'S GETTING WAY TOO LATE TO BE UP TALKING TO YOU ABOUT THIS]

_Addison replies in all caps. She lets the "Doctor-Not-Mrs.-McDreamy" part slide because she's almost proud of that one anyway because it separates her from Derek. And besides of which, she can only pick at one battle at once._

**CRISTINA**

[WHATEVER YOU SAY, DOCTOR SO-McHOT-FOR-HER. I NEVER SAID A DAMN THING ABOUT SHIP NAMES WHICH I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW HOW YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT TERM. NOR MENTIONED A COUPLE CONTEST. ME AND MER ARE TWISTED SISTERS AND WE ARE NOTHING MORE THAN BEST FRIENDS AND ALWAYS WILL BE. YOU SET YOURSELF UP TO FALL INTO THAT ONE ALL ON YOUR OWN. SO THINK ABOUT THAT WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO PIN ALL OF YOUR CRISES ON DOCTOR CRISTINA.

**ADDISON**

[OK, But seriously, before you go you need to change your contact for me in your phone because I don't need people to read these messages over your shoulder and know it was me, nor do I need them to know you even have my number. So change it or no surgeries for you.]

**CRISTINA**

[Got any preferences? Oh, and BTW you better change me in your contacts to be "Cardio Goddess" because I sure as hell will be and you can't let people know you have an intern on your phone anyhow. Show me a screenshot to prove it.]

**ADDISON**

[Done. Here's a photo.]

***** IMAGE MESSAGE TO CARDIO GODDESS OUTGOING *****

***** IMAGE MESSAGE FROM ADDISON FORBES MONTGOMERY INCOMING *****

**CRISTINA**

[Looking good. Like I said any suggestions for your super-secret pseudonym?]

**ADDISON**

[Skippy Gold.]

**CRISTINA**

[WHO is SKIPPY GOLD to you?]

**ADDISON**

[High School Prom Date. Fellow Band Geek Member. Star Wars Fan.]

**CRISTINA**

[Man or Woman?]

**ADDISON**

[SKIPPY GOLD IS A BOY CRISTINA YOU ARE GRASPING AT NOTHING HERE. NOW SEND ME THE DAMN SCREENSHOT OF YOUR CONTACT OF ME SO WE CAN END THIS CONVERSATION AND GO TO BED AND GO TO SLEEP LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE WHO ARE NORMAL CO-WORKERS AT A NORMAL HOSPITAL AND NOT AT IRONICALLY-NAMED GRACE, BECAUSE THIS SURE AS HELL IS NOT A GRACEFUL TRANSITION FOR ME.]

***** IMAGE MESSAGE TO SKIPPY GOLD OUTGOING *****

***** IMAGE MESSAGE FROM CARDIO GODDESS INCOMING *****

* * *

_Addison only goes wide-eyed and sighs when she sees what popped up on her screen. It's a gorgeously framed photo of Meredith Grey wearing nothing but a skimpy sundress and a beautiful flowered necklace in front of a mirror._

_She looks like she could be posing for the cover of a magazine if it weren't for the absence of any makeup at all - it must have been before she did any of that because her makeup tray is open on the counter in the picture._

_She looks so naturally beautiful, in a humble and sweet kind of way and it positively kills Addison that Meredith would dress up that way for someone as unfortunate as her soon to be officially ex-husband, Derek. The thought made her roll her eyes inwardly at him._

_Addison stares into the Intern's blue eyes through her phone and she wonders what Meredith was thinking when she was getting all dolled up for him. Was she thinking they'd be together happily ever after? Was she thinking she was going to get together with him?_

_Good lord, she wonders if Meredith was thinking about sleeping with him while Cristina was taking that picture. Surely they were best friends they'd talked about that stuff. And the image it conjures in Addison's mind of Meredith being held on by Derek just repulses her further._

_She says to herself it's because it's her Derek. And because he had no business being such a stupid pig and an ass to her. And she says that she thinks that lots of women are beautiful and that doesn't have much to do with being gay. Everyone likes other women's looks, she thinks._

***** IMAGE MESSAGE TO SKIPPY GOLD OUTGOING *****

***** IMAGE MESSAGE FROM CARDIO GODDESS INCOMING *****

_And Addison's train of thought is completely interrupted by another image popping up on her screen. It's the photo proof of Cristina's contacts having changed her pseudonym for her number to be labeled as "Skippy Gold." She kicks herself mentally for almost forgetting._

**CRISTINA**

[Sorry I sent the wrong one by mistake. I hope you secretly enjoy this cute picture of Meredith that I took when she was getting ready for a date with Derek a while back. Hey if you get over your self-loathing and self-denial you can always look at it when you wanna have a good time. ]

[Goodnight]

**ADDISON**

[Night Cristina. And stop calling me Addison. It's Doctor Montgomery to you...]

**CRISTINA**

[Goodnight Doctor Montgomery, sweet dreams ;) ]

* * *

_Addison sighs at the wink and decides that nothing at all productive and nothing good for her is going to come of texting Cristina back even more after all of the mischief and teasing._

_She wants to start looking at the phone again at that picture of Meredith, but she didn't want to prove Cristina right that she was enjoying the fact that she'd sent that picture by accident._

_So she puts down her phone with a slam and pours herself a drink and settles into the tub. Sleeping soundly tonight was going to be one hell of a hard day's night._

_When Addison finally falls asleep after enjoying a long and hot bath,_

_She hopes for a sound, soothing and dreamless sleep._

_She just wants to fade away from all of this drama and all of this intrigue._

_But just her luck because the universe wants to throw her a new one._

_All Addison dreams about that stupid key._

_And how even though she's sure that Meredith has safely found it,_

_She can't help but wonder what might have been or what might have happened,_

_If someone else had found it there first instead of Meredith herself._

_And how much she seemed to care that no harm would come to this young Grey girl._

* * *

*******END OF CHAPTER 10.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** HIDES BEHIND WALL ***  
> Yeah I know it's a SLOW BURN. Waiting is hell. Yes maybe they'll get it together someday. Yes I can promise you Meredith will find out the truth about the note eventually. But not yet. Because what fun is that? LOL.  
> Soon though. Because this story is already ten chapters long !
> 
> Have a good one and thanks to all those who left a note so far. Stellar. Live for the comments and have a great one. CHEERS !
> 
> Also if it weren't obvious, Meredith wanting "an Australian, an Italian or an Irish" is a reference to Meredith's future 'lovers' in canon in show post-derek. Riggs. DeLuca. McWidow .(In all speculation).


	11. Break On Through, Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Never have I everrrrrr-” The ‘pregnant man’ begins, and the Interns grin widely before looking expectantly at a certain redhead Attending. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kind reviews all you lovelies. Most of them spoke about how you wished there was more contact hours spent on when Meredith and Addison are actually in the same ROOM with each other, like before. And I empathize, I really do. So here is an extra early chapter which features some shenanigans because we deserve som fun and fluff at the moment as a break from all of this heavy angst and plot. 
> 
> So enjoy ! You all inspire me !

* * *

**Chapter 11: Break On Through, Part One**

* * *

“Never have I everrrrrr-” The ‘pregnant man’ begins, and the Interns grin widely before looking expectantly at a certain redhead Attending. 

“Dude, sweet! I love this game!” says Alex Karev.

“I’ll play, I’m so going to beat you though, Alex,” says George O’Malley.

“I’m going to beat all of you” Alex replies with a gruff.

“IN YOUR DREAMS, EVIL SPAWN” Huffs Cristina in annoyance.

“Ooh, does Alex have all kinds of secret pain” Izzie teases.

“Well I’ve never played this game without any tequila before but I guess we can’t let’s all go to the bar right now, can we” Meredith nods.

“Come on Doctor Boss” The ‘pregnant man’ begs at Addison with puppy dog eyes. The results of my labs are going to take hours to come in, this way you keep me in a good mood and keep me company, and let’s be real if this is cancer then we know I’m dying. 

My partner died in an accident a few years back and I’ve been alone ever since. This is my dying wish for my doctors to play a little game with me. Can you do that?” he pleads.

“I’d like to reassure you that we’re doing everything we can to make sure you’re not ACTUALLY dying,” Addison says with a raise of her eyebrows. 

* * *

Addison’s first thought is that if he makes HER play TOO that she might reveal something that is a little too incriminating for her students to respect her ever again.

But the interns are looking at her with a look of concern, rather than just pure amusement. 

And silently, Addison realizes that they might be right. That this might be one of this man’s last good days if it IS cancer, and she doesn’t want to take that away from him.

She also thinks to herself this could both be a way to find out a whole lot more about her headfuck breakfast club that is Bailey’s group of Interns. Who she’s trying to win over.

“Alright just for a little while” Addison finally acquiesced. But not because you’re dying, but because I’m being supportive and compassionate. As your Doctor” she says with a smile.

  
And the look of pure joy and whimsy on all the interns faces when she says “yes”, just might make it all worth it already. 

“You’re the COOLEST, Doctor Montgomery” Meredith gushes to her with a genuine smile.

And Addison can’t help but bite the corner of her lips and blush just the teeniest bit at the compliment. 

* * *

No one notices this though-

(except for Cristina, who seems to always have her eyes firmly locked to Addison’s face whenever she talks to Meredith). 

(except for Meredith herself, who is inordinately pleased that she’s managed to give Doctor Montgomery a flash of happiness).

And the game begins to go on when the ‘pregnant man-patient- begins to raise all of his ten fingers in the air and ask them his first question.

“Never have I ever” he begins again, motioning for the others to show all their hands as well. “Never have I ever kissed a girl” he smirks lightly, mostly at Izzie, as he explains to them all that he’s queerer than a three-dollar-bill.

He guessed correctly about Izzie, because Izzie sheepishly puts down her thumb in annoyance. “Ugh, it was just a few dozen drunk makeouts at a frat party” she explained to the room. 

**“Dude** , that’s _awesome_ ” Alex Karev doesn’t even seem to mind when he has to put his thumb down too. 

George looks up at Izzie then shifts uncomfortably, as he puts down his thumb too, clearly enjoying the thought. 

Cristina and Meredith both laugh with each other and say “College” in relevance to their phone conversation just the previous night as they put their thumbs down.

And even as Cristina is laughing, she can’t help but smirk at Addison, who is biting her lip even harder trying not to picture Meredith “in College” as sweeping images of lusty, naughty makeout sessions are flooding her imagination right now and flustering her more. 

* * *

Once they are both done laughing, everyone in the room now - especially Meredith and Cristina - are looking at Addison expectantly but none of her fingers budge at all.

“What?” she asks them honestly. She wasn’t actually lying, she had not ever kissed a woman before. Ever. 

“Wait where did YOU go to college? Were you the only woman THERE???” blurts out Izzie.

“I went to Yale for my undergrad, Columbia for med school” Addison answers simply. 

“And what kind of parties did you not get invited to then?” Cristina taunts her. 

“Hey, I was FUN! It’s just that I was never in a sorority. I was really serious about studies, and Derek, Mark, Sam and Naomi were all really close friends at the time and so we mostly just partied together at one of our apartments” Addison explained.

“So you and Naomi never…” Meredith trails off but her question is heavily implied. 

The flash of relief that washes through Meredith’s eyes is not lost on Cristina who is watching Meredith look at Addison as she starts to answer. This only makes Cristina smirk even wider.

And as Addison looks at them all, but mostly to Meredith (just because she’s the one who asked her that question, right…) she just says ‘no me and Naomi were never like that. We were both in relationships almost as soon as we met. We were happy back then, in the relationships, I mean… Addison trails off in a sigh of nostalgia. 

  
And she immediately regrets saying this because the brief look of pain that overtakes Meredith when she said she used to be happy while dating Derek makes her hurt more. 

But she misinterprets the meaning of that pain because when Meredith finally answers, she says to HER, “I’m sorry, Addison, again. I’m sorry.” and looks down. 

  
  
  


* * *

Addison thought that she was going to be upset about hearing about her and Derek’s good past but clearly she has been preoccupied in blaming herself for Addison’s divorce.

“Hey- Hey look at me Meredith” Addison says to her as Addison automatically places a hand on Meredith’s shoulder to soothe her. 

“Derek and I were over long before Seattle and long before you” Addison speaks softly. “We were over before I ever cheated on him with Mark. He was never home, I felt unwanted and I was looking for his attention in all the wrong ways. We were never going to work out anyhow”.

“You really don’t think it was all because of me?” Meredith looks up at her, a tear running all down her face. 

  
“Oh, no Meredith. It wasn’t all because of you. I was angry at Derek when I showed up and he had a girlfriend. But I wasn’t mad at YOU. You really didn’t know. He never told you - that’s on him” she says as she moves her hand to Meredith’s cheek to brush away all of her tears.

“Thank you Addison” Meredith says, using her first name for the first time since the night at the bar that she doesn’t remember. 

“I needed to hear that. I needed to know that. From you” Meredith looks up tenderly. 

“I’m sorry you never learned that sooner” Addison says, looking into Meredith’s eyes,

As Cristina sighs a sigh of exasperation because of the irony of the fact that Addison has probably told her that at least twice already while she was drunk,

And Addison shoots Cristina a harsh glare over Meredith’s shoulder, as she says “come here, girl” to Meredith as she pulls her in for a tight hug.

Meredith sobs a bit, but not as much as she had at the bar (because she is SOBER right now, of course, and she hadn’t JUST been abandoned by her McDreamy). 

And Addison holds her tight to her chest until she finally sinks in and nestles her head onto Addison’s shoulder, and Addison rubs aimless circles on her back and on her arms to help calm Meredith down. 

* * *

“It’s going to be okay, Addison,” Meredith says to her softly. “I thought that was supposed to be my line in this situation” Meredith only laughs as Addison does too. And they hold on tightly. 

“ **_Thank you_ **, Addison” Meredith finally says to her, as she pulls away from her embrace and moves to sit back on her own chair again. 

And there’s a certain WEIGHT to her declaration of gratitude. A certain weight that has Addison flashing back to Meredith saying “Thank You” to her in the bathroom at Joe’s, off of Addison’s compliment but meaning to say it for all of Addison’s company. 

And as Addison shifts over to sit back into her own chair fully again, she has a brief sense of loss that the warm contact with the blonde intern had brought her. 

And she’s wondering, idly, if she’ll ever have a genuine reason to hug Meredith Grey again.

And Addison can tell now that she’s a million miles away because she snaps herself out of it before Meredith has the chance to read all of her cards right off of her face. 

And she sighs and Meredith smiles contentedly, as if the weight of the world had been lifted right off of her shoulders.

And Cristina is smiling at Addison now, while she also takes Meredith’s hand into her own to offer her some support. She’s smiling at Addison without the traces of a telltale smirk.

As if she were trying to send a telepathic message to her, as if Cristina is trying to tell Addison a silent “Thank-You” too, _a “Thank-You” for helping out my friend again. For taking care of her. For telling her it’s not her fault. For telling her it’s going to be okay. For taking some of her pain away”..._

* * *

And Addison chances one last look up at Meredith, who is tracing circles around Cristina’s hand with her thumb as she looks back up at Addison again. And says with a sudden force of determination. 

“No offense, Addison” she begins without stopping. “But your soon to be ex-husband is sort of an ass” Meredith finishes boldly. 

And there could be no more perfect statement that would bring Addison tumbling into tears from her fit of laughter that followed as she tries to squeeze out 

“None taken, Meredith, because he _so_ IS!”. 

And once Meredith had joined in, the rest of the room felt comfortable following in their footsteps and laughing all along with them. 

And if the moment could not have gotten at all more perfect than it already had been, 

Derek, with the epitome of bad (or good, depending on who you were in this situation) timing, 

Decides to open the door right then and there to walk into a room full of doctors plus their patient all laughing hysterically at his own expense, unbeknownst to him. 

* * *

“They’re laughing at all the fake baby names we’re making up for my belly”

It’s the ‘pregnant-man-patient” who ends up saving all of their asses from total destruction.

“Oh, that IS funny” Derek says, flashing his trademark McDreamy smile along with a giggle. 

“What’s winning so far?” he asks genuinely, wanting to be a part of the jokes as well.

“Well we were thinking maybe McBaby,” Alex says without missing a beat. 

  
“Or maybe McBiggie, because look at that thing it’s just got to be HUGE” George follows along.

“I think I might call it McBigMac” the patient guffaws. “Who knows maybe it’s all my incessant eating that’s just given me this big belly” he laughs as he pats his stomach, making a joke at his own expense. 

And it makes all of them appreciate him so, so much more, as the patient who adds to their lives in a meaningful way. 

“McJesus” Izzie exclaims to them. “Look, we know it’s like a miraculous virgin birth,” Izzies says. And the full context of why this is so funny is lost on Derek who had not been there when the patient had admitted he had never, ever, kissed a woman in his life. But still, Derek laughs along anyhow. 

* * *

“How about McMedicalMystery?” Cristina says enthusiastically. 

“That’s like way too many names it’s like, WAY too long” Meredith exclaims to her, eyes crinkling as she admonishes Cristina in a joking manner. 

And Addison cannot help but flashback to the time that Meredith had drunkenly said the same thing to _her_. And how she’d just about had a fit when she told the girl that her name used to be “Doctor Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd”. 

But neither Meredith has the memory at the surface to share that moment with her again, nor had she actually told Cristina that particular tidbit of information, so Addison was in the clear for anyone finding out after her smiling at the way Meredith said that.

But Addison was also feeling just a bit lonely that she was missing out here on a chance to have had a pretty funny inside joke, to share along with just Meredith.

And speaking of Meredith, her contribution after studying the patient again is “McTeacher” she says with a dignified smile. “Because no matter what happens today, whether it’s really a baby or not, I learned more from this case than any others so far,” she says thoughtfully.

And the indirect compliment takes a long time to register in Addison’s mind, but once it finally does, she likes to think to herself that Meredith was implicitly calling HER the McTeacher. And that she’s the last one of Bailey’s interns to have finally, finally realized how unimportant it was to them to keep hating her. 

“You know if we get this thing out of me, I’m going to call it my McMiracle after you miracle workers” the patient adds into their joking again. But this time he’s genuine about all of his sentiment. And it reminds them how far they still have to go before they break on through to their solution.

* * *

“What do you think, Addie?” Derek calls her by her nickname, snapping her out of her reverie and to that Addison shoots Derek a very mean look as she glares at him. 

“I think it should be McMistake if it is a girl, and McBastard, if it’s a boy” Addison, shoots at him a little harsher than he would have liked. “I’m saying this because it’s clearly been causing our patient some serious pain right now,” Addison says to him with a frown. 

  
She’s making a reference to the interns right now, about how she knows that they call Derek McBastard behind his back and she’s basically insulting her soon to be ex-husband right in front of them. 

And it’s not the most professional thing she’s ever said, a far cry from it. But it shuts him up quick, and she thinks that the interns have earned it, that she’s earned it, and that he had it coming for him for bursting into the door and trying to be all McDreamy when he is calling her by a nickname she’s now only reserved for her best friends and he’s STILL staring at Meredith.

And Meredith is avoiding his gaze because she’s not really interested in his moves all right now, after what Addison said about his part in their breakup, and so she’s refusing to give Derek the satisfaction of laughing while looking at him at his joke. 

And the sight of that sort of makes Addison grin again, and soften at her edges from where she was mad before. And when Meredith finally does look up, it’s not at Derek but at Addison. And slowly but surely she’s starting to see why a man like Derek might fly across the country to try his best to get over from someone like Addison. 

* * *

Because from up close and personal, Addison-No-Longer-Shepherd, is really, _really_ hard not to like. 

* * *

  
  
  


*****END OF CHAPTER 11**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this, I'm going to try to have another chapter up sooner rather than later. I know the length has been varying wildly on these chapters but I'm going to try to keep it consistent at approximately 2000 words from now on so I can post it more often (yesterday was my treat). 
> 
> BLESS ALL YE REVIEWERS I LOVE YOU AND I WILL WRITE BACK AS SOON AS I CAN. 
> 
> Taking requests for moments you want to see in the group next !!!
> 
> BYEEEE


	12. Break On Through, Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are we going to keep playing 'Never Have I Ever' or What?"  
> Also, low key this is word art, might work better on a wider screen.  
> Who knows why I would do this. 
> 
> **Hides behind wall so no one can hit me with a brick***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO these drinking games are just so much fun to write that this all is getting away from me. 
> 
> And things are heating up. 
> 
> And I know I need to write more about Meredith but I love being inside of Addison's head.
> 
> So, apologies. But somehow, I think you'll forgive me for this one ;)
> 
> Friends have helped me this work both in real life and over reviews. 
> 
> THANKS

* * *

**Chapter 12: Break On Through, Part Two**

* * *

"Are we going to keep playing Never Have I Ever?" Alex Karev asks in a sort of whiny tone.

"Yeah, we only actually went like one round before everyone started to talk about other things and share stories and cry" George O'Malley says.

"But that's the best part of drinking games. Thinking about all the great stories we have to share with each other" Izzie explains to him.

"This room is like, vegas, right? Like what happens in this room stays in this room and we don't talk about it, right?

George says with a nervous glancing, which is funny because he's hardly said anything incriminating about himself yet and people wonder what he even has to hide.

"Yes, this room is like Vegas" Meredith confirms. "No one talks about it after to anyone. Ever."

"I, for one, can keep a hell of a good secret" Cristina Yang smirks widely.

She purposely doesn't even meet Addison's eyes to see that the redhead is nodding subconsciously at her assertion, so as not to raise Meredith's suspicion.

" Well I'm basically a goner anyhow," the 'pregnant patient' says to them all. "But if this is the last day of my life, it's happened in the blink of an eye but I wouldn't want to change a thing".

"You're not DYING" Addison confirms with a determined huff. "We like you too much to let you die NOW" she asserts, and the compassion that seeps into her voice is so deep and vulnerable that all the interns look up at her with a bit of a stare.

"I cannot BELIEVE I am involved with any of this" Derek Shepherd says as he walks by and possessively sits between Addison and Meredith, much to their mutual distaste.

So they decide to play one more round of "Never have I ever" so that they can go round and ask each other one question each.

Alex says "never has he ever kissed a boy" and everyone puts down a thumb, even O'Malley.

This makes Alex raise an eyebrow at him before George explains he was six and they laugh.

All the other interns put a finger down without hesitating. Addison sort of winces as she watches Meredith do this but hides it with a cough.

Derek also puts a finger down, and off the intern's shocked look, Addison says "We once had a three-way with Mark when we were drunk" and she shrugs.

It makes Meredith quirk her eyebrow up curiously at Derek, who is blushing furiously, and then finally at Addison, who she is looking to for an explanation.

Because ironically enough, if somewhere along the line Derek, Mark and Addison had all slept with each other at the same time, why had Addison's adultery with Mark from Derek even mattered at that point?

Sensing Meredith's and everyone's confusion, Addison went on to say "Derek didn't like it. The three-way, that is. He gets jealous." she concludes.

* * *

_He gets jealous._

_Addison rolls these words off the tip of her tongue._

_Like she's lying even though she had been telling the truth._

_She does not reveal to anyone, much to Derek Shepherd's pleading relief, that in that complete and intoxicated state he was in on that night at the Hampton's with his best friend and his wife, that it was not necessarily Mark he was jealous over for sleeping wither, that actually it had been Derek who got jealous of Addison, for sleeping with Mark._

_Addison knew this, but knew better than to say anything to him at the time. Derek kept saying that he had been drunk and that he didn't remember. Didn't remember that he spent the night watching Mark make love to his wife, before he stepped in and had his best friend do the same to him._

_And that Addison had spent most of the night watching her husband fall into bed with his male best friend, who was loving it too. And then the next morning they both claimed not to have remembered anything at all, just that they were never going to do this ever again._

_No matter how much Addison tried to get either of them to talk about it, they didn't. Mark left her alone for a while. Derek started drinking more scotch than he saved. He started going to work earlier, coming home later._

_Not wanting to have sex with her. And she could never confirm that it was because of that night he had spent having sex with her, then Mark Sloan because he refused to talk about it._

_So he never came home anymore. He started to lose his temper more frequently. He got all possessive of her. She still loved him in a way, or wanted to try. But he was always angry._

_And she was lonely that night in Brownstone. And Mark Sloan was there. And both of them were hurting. And Addison kissed Mark. And Mark kissed her back. And Addison throws off his coat to the floor before leading him into her bedroom._

_And when Derek found them sleeping together hours later he left her out in the rain, before letting her in again and then walking away._

_Derek never talked to Mark again. She never told Mark what she thought she knew._

_She was going to. Addison had planned on asking him that night._

_But it was the one night that Derek had come home early._

_And it was the night that he left for Seattle, and never looked back._

_And Addison has never told the whole story to anyone, ever._

_And she swears that she probably never, ever will._

* * *

George says "never have I ever been married".

And that makes everyone groan because only Derek and Addison put down a finger and they already knew that already.

Derek twists his wedding ring in his hand, the one he's still wearing.

And Addison moves to do the same before she feels it's not there.

"I wish I could have gotten married," the pregnant patient says to the doctors.

"It's still not even legal here and I wanted to try, just to have a ceremony and rings and all that.

But we were on the way to our non-legal wedding when we got hit by a car" says the patient.

"I lived. He didn't," he says sadly.

"I'm sorry" Meredith is the first person to say this.

Meredith is always the first person to say that she's sorry.

And the empathy and compassion she displays never fails to make Addison's heart pull a little tighter each time.

There's a moment of reflection where everyone sits around again.

Before Izzie is offering them a new question to ponder.

* * *

"Never have I ever had sex _in_ _this hospital_ " Izzie Stevens smirked up at everyone.

God, she's almost as smug as Cristina, Addison rolls her eyes inwardly.

Alex proudly puts down his finger. George does as well.

The 'pregnant patient' does not, and everybody laughs at that.

Cristina does and everyone shrugs and Alex tries really hard not to say "Burke McBabies" so it comes out as a sort of a snort instead.

Meredith sighs when she puts one down as well, eyes flickering up to Derek then down again in shame.

Addison catches this and frowns a deep frown.

"You cheated on me with Mark in New York" Derek says, off her looking at his finger moving down, assuming she's angry because Meredith slept with him.

Only she's flaring in rage at a whole other thing, that she's mad because apparently-

Meredith was banging her ex-husband in the _hospital_ no less and it makes her mad because a part of her wanted Meredith for herself.

Luckily for her, the rage is the same on the outside.

Because on the inside she's fuming at her subconscious like a cartoon character.

* * *

_Addison is freaking the hell out because her brain had just told her that not only did she want Meredith Grey to herself, but apparently it was saying to her also that she wanted to screw her among the very floors of this HOSPITAL, no less._

_Ugh, what a lifetime of working a surgeon does for one's knowledge of places to get laid at her workplace, Addison sighs inwardly to herself. She imagines how hot it would be to have Meredith fuck her, right in the open under the stairwell, or in the supply closets, or in the elevators, or in the scan rooms, or in the MRI lab, or the exam rooms, or the on-call rooms…_

_The list went on and on as she struggled to focus on the conversation that was going on around her about which intern slept with whom, and where. All she could think about was having Meredith Grey, back her against the wall of the Attendings lounge and tear all her clothes off._

* * *

Addison can feel her cheeks reddening and her core tightening. She was squeezing her long fingernails down into her fists before frowning (at herself). Luckily these signs were taken to others as signals she was annoyed, not turned on, in this situation.

When Addison pointedly doesn't put a finger down at that one and everyone is staring at her, yet again, and she mumbles something that sounded like a swear word before looking at Derek.

"Well it's not like you cared for me enough even to try" Addison says to him dryly.

"Because I'm apparently that entirely as appealing to you as a stranger" she lapsed again.

Derek mumbles something like a sorry at her but Addison looks away as he shrugs at her.

And Cristina does not fail to miss the relieved expression that Addison's face contorts to once she's certain that Derek was not going to propose in a porn-cliche-way for them to 'change that right now'.

Meredith glances up at Addison sort of sympathetically, as if she's trying to say to her _again, I'm so, so sorry Addison for screwing your husband._

_I really didn't know, and I know you forgive me but you just sort of found out that we screwed here right under your nose._

_And so your life must kind of suck right now. And I'm sorry._

And it's the damnedest thing.

That Meredith Grey would be seeking her forgiveness or something right now as her own husband Derek didn't show even one ounce of remorse at his antics.

Addison lets a smile curl to the side of her mouth just for Meredith, to let her know she's not angry at _her_ , at least not _that_ angry.

She really didn't know so it's not fair to make her feel guilty for hooking up with who she believed was her own boyfriend at the time together.

And her heart warms and she stares just a little when she sees out of the corner of her eye,

Just small enough so no one else can see but her, but just wide enough that she can tell.

And she feels more than smug knowing that even though Derek is looking at Meredith,

* * *

That all of that smile is only for her.

She can feel it in her bones and in her veins.

With all of her fibers of her being.

She can feel Cristina smirking at her.

So she knows to drop her gaze into Meredith's eyes.

And smile at the floor instead.

And try like hell to wipe the shit-eating grin,

From creeping onto her face right now

And she thinks she has it handled.

Has it all under control.

She could keep this under control.

She could keep herself professional.

She could keep a secret still.

She could work alongside everyone.

Ahem, _everyone_ , including Meredith.

She could try like hell not to go completely and utterly mad.

* * *

_Because, still._

_It IS maddening, to say the least._

_For Addison._

_To think._

_That._

_Again._

_Meredith._

_Meredith Grey!_

_Had given her ex-husband._

_Something that she never knew that,_

_Never knew that she'd been wanting for so long,_

_Something she knew she'd keep wanting for. Like she's waiting._

_For that something - that someone, to finally consider her, Addison Montgomery._

_To be one of her options. And to give her one of those cheesy,_

_Adorable, young intern speeches that she'd already_

_Given Derek. One of those impulsively_

_Carefully worded speeches._

_Pick Me. Choose me._

_Love Me._

_Love._

_Addison,_

_Addison Montgomery._

_Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery._

_Was falling, so epically, so quickly, so terrifyingly, ridiculously,_

_She was falling like she would never see or feel the ground underneath her,_

_Never feel the comforting ground to lay upon and thank the earth for her solid footing again,_

_Never ever come back down to this earth because she was so immersed in the_

_Complete lack of oxygen that this fall had generated under her_

_Because from where she had started falling,_

_She never even knew, never ever,_

_Would ever know she was,_

_Falling in - what - like?_

_Falling, in Love?!_

_With HER?_

_For her?_

_In._

_Love._

_With_

_The One_

_And the Only,_

_Doctor Meredith Grey._

_And she didn't know it quite then._

_She couldn't put a finger to the feeling._

_She would never be able to articulate much less ADMIT._

_That she was falling so hard and so fast and so dangerously, so recklessly._

_In love with her ex-husband's ex-mistress. Her Intern, her co-worker. Her maybe even friend._

_And there was absolutely no way, no one, nothing anybody in the whole entire world_

_Could stop the oncoming train that was leaving the station._

_It was leaving the station to take her for a ride._

_She was into this woman like a train._

_And like hell, did she want,_

_To go for a ride._

_Addison._

_Wanted._

_Meredith._

_She, she_

_*_

_**_

_Has Wanted Meredith._

_*_

_*_

_*_

_She's wanted her._

_*_

_*_

_*_

_*_

_*_

**_Wants her._ **

_*_

_*_

_*_

_*  
*_

**_FUCK._ **

*

* * *

***  
***

*****

*****

*****

**"** **FUCK."**

Addison realizes she's spoken that one word aloud. She was thinking of outrageously explicit images and thoughts about a certain lusty blonde intern.

Addison has absolutely _no clue_ where they are in the conversation now.

So her swearing makes everyone snap to her in surprise.

And she flushes completely as she looks at them completely confused.

As they wonder what the hell that they said to make her

Swear like that so loud and so sharply,

In front of a _PATIENT_ , no less.

* * *

"I agree"

The unlikely voice of Dr. Cristina Yang swoops in to save her.

"I'm all for switching to play "Truth or Dare" instead later, but I think that we should break now, says Cristina.

"I want to get some snacks before we start. Doctor Montgomery treated us last time." says Meredith.

"We should all go now and bring back some munchies and buy for her this time instead." says Izzie.

"What do you like to put into your mouth huh, Doctor Montgomery?" Christina asks and winks at her.

With her eyebrows arched so high they almost come off of her head.

"I mean something sweet? Something Salty? A mix of Both?" Cristina continues.

"Everyone has a guilty pleasure snack. I bet that yours is delicious" Cristina quips.

"Speak up Addison or I'll have to keep guessing. Somehow, I don't think I'm wrong" Cristina smirks.

* * *

It's devilish and dangerous how she tilts her voice on that one, and Addison is flicking her eyes,

Only for one split half-of-a-millisecond to Meredith Grey's body back to hers again.

Such a marginal gesture that not even Meredith quite catches it.

She's playing with fire right in front of everyone else.

She's milking it for all that it's worth.

And good hell is it working.

Because Addison,

Is speechless.

Can't

Figure out

Anything, ANYTHING

That would be work appropriate to say.

So she stutters something completely incoherent.

And looks up in Cristina's eyes in panic, as if silently begging for mercy,

Before Meredith Grey saves her again, telling her best friend: "She bought me some Cheetos."

"Why don't we get her a pack of those, and some gummies, and some chocolate, and a soda?"

Meredith says without any sense of double-entendre or euphemisms, at all.

And Cristina flashes her a last-minute wink before she leaves,

To pick up the snacks with all her intern friends,

And she's left nodding dumbly,

At Meredith's suggestion.

So that they'll leave.

So she can,

Stop.

For,

One freaking

Second in her panicking

Once again. As Derek,

Just looks at her,

Confused.

Before,

He,

Asks

Her to

Explain why

She agreed to Cristina.

And her suggestions about her snacks.

He looks up at her with a furrowed brow and she's

Completely and utterly horrified and terrified he'll find out what she's

Been thinking about all along. All her dirty thoughts and loaded secrets and exchanges.

But all she sees when she looks up at him with those big, wide round eyes.

It is a touch of compassion and sympathy and really more confusion.

So she asks him why he is staring at her like he's confused.

And Derek finally tells her why he is so confused.

At her acceptance of Cristina's snacks.

"Because," Derek says to her.

I do _KNOW YOU._

_You know._

_I_

Do.

I still remember.

I remember some things,

About you, we were together,

For eleven years.

So I know.

You.

I.

Know.

That.

You.

Hate.

Cheetos.

He concludes.

With a shudder from Addison.

When he tries to run his hand on her shoulder.

She bats his hand away from her indignantly so she can face him.

"I used to hate Cheetos when I was with you." she begins.

Beck then when we were married.

I hated Cheetos.

And now,

I like

Cheetos.

I like Cheetos and

I like other things that

I did not like, when I was with you.

People's tastes _change_ , Derek, you know.

People change, their tastes change and their life changes.

I'm changing, I'm growing up, I'm learning, and I'm moving on from you.

So I don't need you to come in here and put your hand on my shoulder to tell me no Cheetos.

Because now that I'm free from you and our sham of a marriage, and that

I'm free from your hovering gaze and your nights you stayed away,

And your stupid trailer on that stupid piece of land.

With that house, you will never build.

Well, let me just tell you.

I will eat Cheetos.

Cheetos.

Yummy.

Mm.

I will, I will eat them.

I will eat them without you.

I will eat out all the damn Cheetos I please.

And I swear to you Derek, I swear to you over and over.

I will tell you that my God Damned stupid Cheetos, will be so fucking delicious.

And so much more satisfying than any other snack foods or meals,

That I have ever, or ever will, enjoy with Mark, or with You,

Or any other man from my past, ever again.

And with that, Addison walks away,

She says sorry to the patient.

She slams the door.

She leaves him.

Alone.

*

*

*

_Alone, and without any Cheetos._

*

* * *

*****

*****

******

*******END OF CHAPTER 12**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here's to another fluffy one, with also some plot twists. 
> 
> We're getting somewhere, kind of. But at least this one will probably be somewhat, Exciting to read lol.
> 
> Please let me know in the comments what you predict and what you wanna see next !
> 
> I live for your reviews and I love you all dearly.
> 
> TAKE CARE NOW !
> 
> (But not in an owen hunt way)
> 
> (In like, a someone better than owen hunt way. Maybe Cristina.)


	13. Break On Through, Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Meredith gets an interesting letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEW,
> 
> This is the longest chapter so far. 
> 
> It's like, as long as the first three or four combined all at once.
> 
> But alas, here we are because I wanted to get here.
> 
> Wanted to get this far in the plot,
> 
> By this point now.
> 
> So, congrats.
> 
> And thanks
> 
> For it,
> 
> All.
> 
> * YOU ARE ALL LOVELY THANK YOU FOR YOUR REVIEWS ON THE LAST CHAPTER!"*
> 
> \- Somehow I think you'll really like this one based on the comments :D

* * *

**Chapter 13: Break On Through, Part Three**

  
  


* * *

  
  


“ _Dear Meredith,_

_Thank you for the chats yesterday. I’m sorry I slammed the door on your face. You’re right, we can talk even if I am not a surgeon. I am a psychiatrist and if you ever want to talk again do not hesitate to visit me at the window. Have a good day and hello to your friends._

_Ps. My name is Arthur._

_Thanks for the Memories.”_

* * *

  
  


Meredith held the second note she had ever received from a mystery lover in her life.

She had found it in her locker in an envelope when she went for snacks.

And for some reason, she felt different about this one. 

First of all, Arthur signed his name to the note. 

And second of all, he’d blown her off,

And Meredith was confused.

Was this - HIM?

‘Mystery man’?

They had both written the same line of “Thanks for the Memories. So could it be true?

Could the mystery be solved?

Could she finally know who had taken her home that night at the bar?

Meredith wanted to know the answer for real, but in all honesty she was feeling crushed.

She had pictured all of these beautiful exotic men to have been her potential suitor. 

  
And now that she had an idea, well, this person just didn’t seem so special to her.

Sure, Meredith had liked how she felt when she’d been seducing him for sport.

But she hadn’t even given him a second thought since her game. 

And she thought that HE knew that she was just putting on over him.

Was that what this was to HIM? Was SHE just a part of a twisted little game?

Was HE laughing with his friends about this wild goose chase with a mystery woman,

That he had been sending notes with “Thanks for the Memories” written on them.

Finally revealing his true crush on her after they’d talked?

Was he the guy from the bar who carried her home and didn’t try to take her clothes off?

_(Was he the one who brought her the aspirin and water and fixed her plant-)_

_(Though, after she’d knocked that plant over, that it just REFUSED to be straight. )_

_(She had tied a literal pole in the flowerpot to try to straighten it.)_

_(But it had it’s own little way of remaining as queer as it’s shape and resisting.)_

_(So Meredith had given up on trying to fix her stupid potted plant, she accepted it.)_

_(And had watered it as it leaned just a little bit more sideways as each day passed again.)_

But besides that, had he been the one to know she had work the next day?

Or had tucked her in so tightly like neither her parents nor Richard ever had?

Or that he’d known to lock the door behind him and sneak the key back to her?

All of these questions, the one that Meredith found the most pressing,

Was that if this was the same person as that night at the bar,

Then why would he sign this note here and not the other one?

Because they had talked and she had flirted with him?

Maybe, thought Meredith. 

Or maybe not. 

And either way, one thing that Meredith could say for certain,

Is that this note did not make her feel _nearly_ as special as the one from the other night.

This one felt like it was offering her something only to be given something in return.

The note from the other night felt like it was offering something,

And that the ‘mystery person’ didn’t even want anything in return.

Or for her to know who the hell the mystery person is, or was, or _whatever._

Meredith didn’t know at all what to think about all of this. 

So she runs off with her note and with her three bags of Cheetos to go find her.

* * *

“Do you think it’s the same person?” Cristina asks her gently.

“I don’t know what to think,” says Meredith in frustration.

“Why do you think it might be your mystery man?” Cristina asks her.

“There was the same line at the bottom. _Thanks for the Memories_.”

Meredith says to her. 

“Anything else?” Cristina asks her.

“Well, he gave it to me when I wasn’t there,” says Meredith flatly.

“Well does the handwriting look at all the same to you?” Cristina asks her.

“I don’t _KNOW_ that Cristina. How would I?” It was ages ago.

“I threw out that note after you had seen it and besides, we were both drunk,” Meredith says.

“I can’t write for the life of me when I am intoxicated, so how would it help at all?” she says. 

“True,” Cristina says. “You were drunk, the first night. And you’re both not, this time” she says.

“At least I hope to god not,” says Cristina. “Drinking at work would be such a hazard,” she says.

“WORK! That’s it!” Meredith says. 

“I’ll just ask this Arthur person what he was doing that night, and if his story matches-” 

“Well, then I will know. And if it doesn’t at all, then I guess I won’t know” Meredith gleams.

“Excellent detective skills” Cristina nods affirmatively. 

Cristina is glad that Meredith is going to figure out this part at least, on her own.

* * *

“Hey what is that?” Izzie Stevens comes up behind them to look. 

“Nothing” Meredith tries to hide it.

“Oh, come _on._ I was the one who stole the chart from Psychiatry for you” Izzie whines.

“Ah, you and me both,” Cristina says to her.

“Exactly,” says Izzie. “She should be showing you and me both” Izzie says.

“Alright,” Meredith concedes and shows Izzie. 

“Well do you like him?” Izzie asks her. 

“I don’t even know,” says Meredith giving Cristina a sympathetic look.

  
She doesn’t want to explain everything to Izzie, so she just shrugs and says “he’s ok”

Cristina shrugs back and says “she doesn’t know him they’ve only talked like once, probably” 

Meredith smiles a bit at that inside joke between them and says to Izzie

“It’s true. I’ve asked for things in psychiatry before but I never concentrated till now,” she says.

“Do you want to go see me flirt and try to get him to tell me about his lifestyle? She offers.

“Wouldn’t miss it!” says Izzie, as the three join arms and lead on the way.

* * *

  
  
  


Meanwhile, the ‘pregnant patient’ is getting restless, wanting the others to come back.

Alex and George have offered him snacks, but he can’t eat a thing. 

“If I have to have an operation I have to have a clean stomach,” he says. 

“Yeah that sucks man,” says Alex. “Do you want to smell the chocolate I got?” he offers.

And George just unwraps different gummies for him to smell too. 

And they decide that having lunch in the ‘pregnant patient’ room is the best. 

* * *

  
  


Derek and Addison are arguing over the labs they had ordered for the patient.

Addison had pushed a rush on them but they were not processed correctly.

When Derek tries to blame it all on her, she pushes back finally.

“You should have just let it be under Montgomery-Shepherd then we wouldn’t be here” he says.

“I don’t want to go by your name anymore,” Addison says to him.

“I’ve lived under your shadow long enough. I’m not Shadow-Shepherd or She-Shep anymore”

Their argument has caught the attention of Burke, Richard, and Bailey, 

And so they try to quiet down their squabble so they can save face at the hospital. 

* * *

  
  


When Meredith arrives at the window, the note tucked in her breast pocket he’s waiting.

Arthur the boy-psychiatrist is smirking up on her and it makes Meredith feel a bit slimy.

“Well hello there, young lady. Are you here to share with me all of your feelings?” he says.

“And what if I only want to talk to you about yours” Meredith quips right back at him.

“Well what would you want to know about me,” he asks her. “I’m an open book.”

“Well, I’d like to know first how you spend your nights after work,” Meredith asks. 

“Well, usually I go for a drink,” he says cryptically.

And Izzie is watching this all with interest.

While Cristina is watching it all with apprehension.

She knows the man is just one move away from revealing himself.

As being the NOT ‘mystery-not-man-person’ from Meredith’s life.

And Cristina is conflicted as to whether she’s going to be upset or relieved when that happens.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Because she sees the way Addison looks at and treats Meredith.

And she trusts her and that hasn’t changed.

But she hasn’t seen the same amount of enthusiasm coming from Meredith.

About her friendship towards Addison, she means.

And she has no doubt that Meredith would want to fall in love,

With this ‘mystery person’ of hers once she knows.

But what Cristina wonders is if Meredith would make the same choice on her own.

If she would have naturally gravitated towards potentially dating Addison Montgomery.

And she thinks that’s an important distinction to make, 

Because Addison still is their boss. She’s still and attending. And she’s still older.

Even without all their history, she knows better than anyone what dating your boss can be like.

Sure, Addison can’t exactly knock Meredith up with baby McTwisted. 

And she couldn’t be as big of a jackass that Derek Shepherd has been to Addison and Meredith

While dating each of them, respectively, though not at all distinctively at different times...

But It’s the preconceived illusion Meredith already has she could fall in love with, 

Her ‘mystery man’ or ‘mystery person’ fantasies coming true to being Addison and liking _that,_

Which wouldn’t be the same as liking, and knowing, then falling for real Addison, for real.

And she worries, (bout the whole _Derek_ thing) thinking, even if Addison didn’t care for her ex,

And even if Meredith is completely over McDreamy, 

That even if Addison never speaks a word of their past to her ever again,

There’s still the whole Derek being a douchebag that Cristina concerns herself with.

And Meredith being closer to Addison would inevitably bring a jealous Derek around.

And Cristina sighs inwardly at having to walk Meredith through that. 

And lastly, what Cristina is worried about finally,

Is that Meredith very well could end up being the one breaking _Addison’s_ heart.

Because Addison would treat her like a crown jewel and give her everything,

But Meredith could just feel obligated to like or love her or be friends or more,

Or be flirty and kind to her in a way that leads Addison on to too much, too fast.

Just because Addison was (is?) (could be) (would be) (will be?) her hero. 

  
And Cristina knows that Addison despises being a hero.

Because unlike Derek Shepherd, she’s actually humble in grace.

But even with the self-awareness that Addison has,

Meredith might not know how much Addison actually cares about her,

Not at least, before it’s too late that is. Because Addison still hides her affections,

The way she’s probably been wired to around Mark and Derek,

And Cristina can see just how much Addison is struggling with the whole-

“Liking a woman thing”. 

Like she’s actually having panic attacks in front of _patients_ , panicking.

So it might not be clear just how fragile Addison was, or is, or could be in return.

And even Addison herself would probably never know this already about herself yet.

Not when the vulnerability she has built into her is centered uniquely upon Meredith, that is. 

Because Addison to the naked eye is prim and proper, a hotshot doctor who’s hot even, to boot.

She’s what every boy (or girl…) dreams of, she’s stylish, she’s sexy, she’s powerful yet gentle.

She’s the sort of enigma one wouldn't know unless looking at her the was Cristina does,

Like she’s trying to examine the crevices and the cracks in her armor, ones that can,

And potentially would be extremely painful if prodded and stabbed at the source.

Although Meredith would never hurt anyone on purpose, much less Addison,

Cristina worries that if she takes too long to feel good in an answer,

To fully commit to, or (in the off chance she doesn’t want to,) break away cleanly from Addison,

That Addison will either drive in too deep like a whore on tequila and try to drown herself, 

or run away completely back away to New York where she came from again.

Because you see, on the one half of the coin, she has plans, that if, it is

Addison who unfortunately ends up being the one to break _Meredith’s_ heart,

Then Cristina already promised she’d kick the shit out of her entirely.

But if Meredith is the one to break _Addison’s (heart, mind-body-spirit-entire existential existence)_

Then Cristina’s all but sure that there isn’t anyone around her who cares to catch her.

And Cristina knows that it can't be her, to catch Addison,

Because she has to stand by Meredith no matter what. 

So Cristina hopes to dear life Meredith won’t hurt Addison,

Because she knows that Meredith will never, ever, forgive herself

If she finds out that she hurt her mystery lover/hero, even the teeniest bit, even by accident..

* * *

Izzie brushes into Cristina’s shoulder by accident, 

She bumps her as they both watch Meredith flirt and exchange.

It brings Cristina back into the reality,

As they watch as Meredith finally asks him what he was doing on Monday.

And as Arthur, the psychiatrist describes how he was working a shift the whole night,

And how yes, that he’s sure he never went by Joe’s or went drinking,

Cristina can feel her whole body tense as she sees Meredith’s face contort. 

Meredith’s expression changes from confusion to disappointment, to sadness,

To anger (for wasting her time) and eventually to acceptance.

She converses with him absently a bit longer,

To not seem suspicious.

And she pulls the note from him out of her pocket,

To ask how and why he put it there.

And as the psychiatrist boy-man continues to chatter,

Izzie can feel just how tense Cristina has gotten, and she reaches to take Cristina’s hand. 

Cristina accepts it, feeling the warm heat of Izzie’s fingers wrapped into her own.

And she takes comfort in the fact,

That no matter what happens, 

That Meredith still had more friends than her,

And that she, Cristina has someone else who’s reminding her now,

That she can lean on her too.

* * *

“He is so _NOT”_ the one,” Meredith says in a huff, as they land back in the locker room alone.

She’s looking at Cristina first, to signal she’s talking about the ‘mystery person’ game.

Cristina nods slightly to accept this, as Izzie nods in a different understanding.

“I’m sorry Meredith,” Izzie Stevens says to her.

“I’m sorry if you wanted him to be someone date-worthy. 

I guess not everyone can be a McDreamy, now can they” Izzie sighs. 

And Cristina tries hard not to choke on her water when Izzie says this all so casually.

And Meredith only pulls at her lips with a slight smile. 

“I think I’m getting a bit _NOT_ into McDreamy anymore anyway” she huffs loudly.

“At least not the Derek-shaped ones, anyhow” she huffs more.

And Cristina can’t help when a smile grows on her skin.

And she says to both Izzie and Meredith without a hint of a smirk.

“You know, boys are-” Cristina starts.

“Boys are just assholes” Izzie finishes her sentence for Cristina. 

“Boys are just stupid. Stupid boy-penisis. Stupid Boys” Meredith grunts. 

And all they can do is to laugh a good laugh at that one.

* * *

“We should play Truth or Dare,” says the ‘pregnant patient’ from his bed.

“Well you’re awfully cheerful” Addison offers “for someone whose labs I had lost in transition”

Derek nods as Addison takes the complete fall for the failure and doesn’t flinch at all-

Not even an inch when Addison frowns at him for not saying anything more than nothing.

“Fine” Derek pouts roughly. And the gruff voice appeals to no one now. 

“I’ll go first I’m not 007 anymore I am George who could operate on a heart in an elevator guy”

George says with confidence as he brags at his save with Doctor Burke and Richard,

The one he had had during their snack break.

Yes, during his _snack break,_ George O’Malley plugged a hole in a patient’s aorta. 

  
And all he wanted to do now was sit here and play games with all of his friends.

And lord knows, he deserves it. 

the patient asks her as if it were his turn again.

And they let him because well, he really might be dying,

“Truth or Dare” asks the ‘pregnant man’ patiently. 

So they let him go on as if none of them had anything really to ask,

Because they actually didn’t. Not anything that any of them could.

Ask that is, or make someone do. Not in front of their boss, or in front of their interns.

  
At the very least when it was the patient who was calling the shots for the doctors,

They could always have said that it was out of their control.

“Truth” he picks confidently, as the ‘pregnant patient’ considers.

“Did you like kissing the boy?” he asks, thoughtful.

“Yeah, I think I really, really did,” George says to him without shame. 

And no one moves a muscle other than smiling at him proudly.

Because George O’Malley saved a heart in an elevator today,

But his coming out was even braver than every inch of all of that. 

* * *

“Izzie Stevens Truth or Dare” 

And Izzie ponders before saying “Truth”

And the patient asks Izzie to tell them about the _type_ of women she used to kiss at parties.

“Long black curly hair, asian mostly, umm, not too short or too tall, good kissers”

She’s not lying, she’s not making anything up as she recalls.

And she glances very quickly at Cristina after answering with her eyes on the ceiling. 

And without turning her head at all, Cristina Yang sees the flicker of Izzie’s eyes.

And Meredith doesn’t notice Izzie’s glance upwards, just the clench of Cristina’s hand into hers. 

And this time it’s Addison catching Cristina being the one to bite her lip hard,

As the smallest tinge of blush spreads across her whole face. 

And if she were Cristina which she isn’t, she would feel the gloat of superiority washing in.

But she isn’t, and Addison doesn’t. Instead, she feels a smile coming on,

As she likes to imagine that Cristina Yang just might find her happiness someday soon also. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Alex calls for a dare before the patient even asks him the question.

The patient guffaws at his forwardness and asks him to do a handstand upside-down. 

As he does this (while having Addison hold up his feet so he doesn’t kick anyone)

He has his eyes closed in effort so he doesn’t notice George O’Malley ogling his upper body.

And George keeps on Ogling it as Alex’s shirt rides up to his belly button.

And Addison mercifully tries to help keep it tucked in or tucked up or whatever,

but she doesn’t want to touch Alex’s pants accidentally or brush his hands across his chest.

So as the shirt rides up for the second time, all Alex says to everyone is

“Well, I hope you like the show ladies and gentleman” with a shit-eating grin.

“First one’s free, but you know kisses cost extra” he winks at no one. 

And all the tension in the room just seems to disappear as he giggles.

* * *

And when Cristina picks “Truth”, she smirks wider than a Cheshire cat at his suggestion.

  
“Read out the last 6 people you text messaged to and say in three words what you talked about”

So Cristina pulls out her phone and pauses dramatically before she speaks. 

  
  


_1 - George O’Malley, “Heart In Elevator”_

  
  


And George grins even wider at that one. 

  
  
  


_2 - Preston Burke, “Are we Over?”_

  
  


Cristina sort of winces at that one. And she answers everyone’s question before they ask it. 

She just says to them “I texted him yes, by the way” before continuing on down the list.

  
  


_3 - Meredith Grey, “Is Psychiatry Sexy?”_

  
  


Izzie and Meredith laugh at their inside joke for this one. 

And Cristina laughs loudly as she catches Addison glare at her for encouraging it.

And then Meredith answers to _everyone_ (not just Addison, though it feels that way)

“Turns out that it really isn’t for me” as she laughs. 

She pulls out the note from Arthur she had been holding earlier and said

“He wrote to me thanks for the memories, but I have no good memories of him. So I said no”

And Addison almost has a stroke at the familiar phrasing,

Noticing the coincidence of the words they both used in a note,

As she panics and wonders if Cristina let anything slip,

Or if it triggered some deep-seated memory to re-surface itself at this time.

But she sits back down relaxed in her seat again when Cristina says,

“Nope, it’s definitely a NO to that question” right to Addison in subtext.

  
  


  1. _Alex Karev, “Where is X-Rays_



  
  


“He got lost”, Cristina said simply. 

“I was NOT,” says Alex insistently.

  
“You were in the _basement_.” she begins.

“You passed the _morgue_ on your way past the _billing_ ” she laughs.

  
  


  1. _Izzie Stevens “Chocolate, Vanilla or Strawberry”_



  
  


“She was at the grocery store and wanted to know if I wanted some ice cream,” Cristina said.

  
  
  


  1. “ _Skippy Gold”_ Cristina says extremely confidently. “Restaurants, Crime and _Powerful Ships_ ” 



  
  
  


She says this while looking directly opposite of Addison,

Who is looking down at her toes now, redding more by the minute.

“Hey wasn’t _Skippy Gold_ your High School Prom Date?” Derek asks Addison openly.

“He sure was” Cristina confirms as Addison looks up at her in alarm.

“He told me that himself years ago. He’s like my third cousin or something” she smiles.

And the lies roll of Cristina so smoothly like butter,

As Addison’s eyebrow-raised expression only adds to the plausibility of her “experience”

“You said you would never tell anyone, _ever_ about Skippy Gold” Addison says bitterly.

“It’s ok Addison,” Cristina says her first name and gets away with it all.

“I know he was a terrible prom date to you. No one needs that much Star Wars talk in one night”

Cristina recites from what Addison had said about her memory.

“Oh, I remember you saying that!” Derek chips in excitement. 

  
“SEE,” Cristina says to him with a fake - oh - so - fake - nod of approval.

“I don't want to talk about it” Addison huffs.

And no one takes it as weird at all Addison would want to stop talking about high school.

So as Cristina smirks wider and Addison does her best to ignore her,

Meredith smiles sympathetically back over Derek’s shoulder at Addison,

And when Addison finally looks up and sees her offering this,

It’s all Addison can do not to jump up and kiss her right then. 

(she doesn’t, obviously, because this is a _hospital_ . She thought. _obviously._ )

* * *

“Truth or Dare is for babies” Derek Shepherd admonishes roughly.

It’s like, ironically uncanny just how childish he is actually being. 

As he’s watched everyone’s turns go by and enjoyed them,

Not wanting to take any risks for himself.

“Well be a big baby for us now will you Shepherd”, the _patient_ now admonishes _him._

Much to ALL of the intern’s cheering delight. (And also Addison's, though more subtly.)

“What, are you _chicken?_ ” he says. And Derek takes all the bait. 

“Not at all, ask me anything” Derek challenges with a determined look. 

_Ugh, ego much,_ Meredith curses under her breath, thinking that she’s been quiet.

Addison is just close enough to her and grins.

Meredith looks up and smiles again quickly before scoffing at Derek 

And the thought that she feels like she’s winning somehow pleases Addison immensely.

“You have to pick one, you know,” the pregnant man says as if he doesn’t know.

“Dare, then,” Derek says, not wanting people asking him embarrassing questions.

“I dare you to kiss Doctor Alex” the patient gets right to the point. 

Addison’s eyes widen at this in surprise before she looks firmly down at the floor. 

She’s biting her lip now not to react to this and she looks away before she sees Derek moving.

He stomps firmly over to Alex Karev now and towers over the younger boy at his seat. 

He doesn’t hesitate or make light of it all, he just leans right on in,

and sticks his tongue right down Alex’s throat deeply before ending the kiss,

Almost as quickly as it has just begun. 

Alex looked at him in a stunned haze as if he had imagined the whole thing. 

And after that he just smiles at the patient and tells him “not bad, dude, Gays’ got it ‘some good”

And the interns laugh mildly at the patient’s new bolder requests.

And Derek sits down in a sulk not saying one extra word for the rest of the game. 

And yet, Addison does not miss the sad look in her ex-husband’s eyes,

And the subconscious licking of his lips, as if remembering the taste of Alex’s tongue and

The clenching of his fists, the same way he had, when he woke up from bedding Mark Sloan.

* * *

“Truth or Dare,” asks the ‘pregnant man’ contentedly, now directed at Meredith.

“Ah, I think Dare then I guess” Meredith shrugs with no mind. 

“I dare you to eat lick one of those kids lollipops - he points at the ones for the children leftover -

“And pretend that you’re making out with them out loud as you eat it,” he says 

And if there could be a word for something greater than utter fucking _delight and glee_ ,

It still wouldn’t be able to measure up to the joy on all of Derek’s and Addison’s and Cristina’s-

On each of those three people’s faces now, all for similar but slightly dissimilar reasonings.

On Derek’s of course, because he wanted to see Meredith’s mouth move over the sucker.

On Addison’s of course, for the same reason as Derek and because her core actually _clenched_

When she realized she was probably going to see the situation make Meredith _moan._

And on Cristina’s, because she could tell just by the pop of the question,

That in every way, shape or form, that Derek and Addison were both at the entirety-

Of Meredith Grey’s most seductive and erotic of mercy’s.

And they neither of the three of them or any of them at all,

Were going to be able to cry out “uncle” before they are way past the gone.

* * *

Meredith picks out the cherry popsicle and unwraps it carefully at its seams.

She feels her delicate fingers untangle it before she sucks it into her mouth,

For the first time. She’s grown up on these suckers, having been bribed,

By her mother and father (and occasionally Richard) with them all the time.

So she knows that the Cherry is her favorite. It tastes just like, _RED_ , she thinks.

_(Red just like Addison Montgomery’s hair, she thinks actively as she eyes Addison now)_

And Addison is watching her with a piercing sort of gaze as her hands gripped her seat. 

And Meredith savors the way Ms. Montgomery is appreciating her now,

Because she’s never quite seen that dark look in her eye before,

But it is strangely and insanely sexy all at the same time and Meredith likes it.

She likes it a hell of a lot more than the way Derek’s jaw is opened right now.

She actually hates that a whole lot. So she asks Derek to leave for a moment.

And he protests before she says “it’s just a baby game to you anyhow.”

Then he gruffs before saying he has better things to be doing as a Doctor.

But everyone ignores him as he shuts the door tightly, feeling put-out.

  
  


* * *

  
  


And once Derek is gone Meredith continues her game. She raises her eyebrows-

Just as she’s staring into Addison’s eyes, and she _moans_ . At _her._

And for a minute she thinks maybe she should restrain herself.

Addison being who she is and being her boss and her Attending and all.

But the _Derek_ thing just seems all so far away now. And Alex KISSED Derek.

So a few noises here and there from herself while locking eyes with Addison,

Well compared to what Derek did couldn’t get her into as much of a trouble.

And for some other reason (that reason being Addison’s eyes are almost _black)_

She doesn’t think she has to have an official conversation about this at all. 

Because if anyone did ask her questions, she has Addison to make up excuses for it all.

Because she wasn’t going to give away to HER boss or to anyone what SHE was doing now.

* * *

And in name what Addison is doing right now is trying not to explode,

As Meredith sees her crossing her legs back and forth, and biting her tongue and her cheek.

And Meredith smirks at her (even wider than Cristina is smirking at both of them now)-

As she watches what the sound of her tongue licking the lollipops in board strokes does to her.

The result is so much more than she could imagine. Addison is grinning now, hiding it. 

But she’s grinning as Meredith is smirking and licking with the pad of her tongue.

And there’s nothing on earth that can keep Addison from imagining that tongue on HER tongue.

So Meredith is doing with her tongue now what she’d do with Addison’s mouth given a chance.

She sucks on the sucker with the whole of her lips, turning them a bright red like lipstick.

And absently Meredith wonders what Addison’s lipstick would taste like.

What her lips would taste like on hers. And maybe this attraction was absurd.

Maybe it was cataclysmic in epic proportions. To lust over her boyfriends, not even ex-wife-yet? 

God, she really _was_ such a whore. But I guess so was Addison. And the thought turns her on.

So she doesn’t even blink as she allows the sucker to grow smaller and smaller.

And she smacks at her lips together and does a flirty kissing sound in the air. 

And Meredith is flirting for real, big time, this time. Not the lame stuff,

The stuff she was doing to the boy-man-psychiatrist. No, sir. This was real.

She was pulling all the stops, as Addison’s stare almost made HER heart stop.

And once the sucker was over, she leaned into Addison close just as she sat down.

To tell her that “Cherry sure is a good flavor. It tastes just like a cherry chapstick” 

And she says this in rhythm as if she were rhyming out the Katy Perry song,

As she allowed the warm breath of her candy-kisses lips to pass over Addison's own.

And she could just about taste the hint of sweetness and sugar, that she imagined,

Beyond her wildest doubts, that Meredith’s mouth would taste exactly like,

If she were to lose herself in all thought and just lean over and kiss her senseless.

But before she could move a muscle, before she could lose all of her self-control,

Meredith had already made up her mind for her. As she sat down into her seat.

She pulled away from Addison’s alluring stares, and towards the smug Cristina on her side.

And she smirked up at her so Addison would know that SHE knew,

Just how erotic an experience it had been for both of them.

And if Addison could move in her chair right now without it being too obvious,

She would have noticed just how wet her tight clothes were becoming,

And how turned on she really actually was, in the middle of this patient’s room,

In the middle of a HOSPITAL. In the middle of her WORKPLACE. In the middle of SEATTLE.

Where she’d never ever thought that she’d be sitting with her tongue out just a little,

As she licked her lips subconsciously thinking she was sure to god going to HELL,

For thinking the thoughts she was thinking about Doctor Grey at this very moment.

_(Namely the ones about Meredith fucking her on this very floor right about now, for reference.)_

* * *

If Addison thought that she was having it bad right fucking now, then she would be right.

(Well, except for the ‘pregnant patient’ who seemed to be regretting it in his male gay-ness)

But she wouldn’t be right if she had been thinking that she was the only one.

Obviously the boys - both George and Alex are both freaking out a small bit over there.

And even Cristina, who tried her very damndest to not think of her friend that way, liked it.

And Izzie Stevens also appreciated it and appreciated much more about watching Cristina.

Izzie is eyeing Cristina now and she’s staring so hard and getting away with it too,

Because Cristina is staring directly at Addison now, with a look of impatience.

“Doctor Montgomery?” Cristina tries to snap Addison out of it before Meredith notices.

“Addison?” Cristina tries gently over and over again but Addison is gone it appears.

“Addie?” Meredith tries her nickname, and the combination of that and her voice work.

“Yeah-huh” Addison sort of mumbles as she tries to bring her heart rate down,

As well as her body temperature and her pulse and get control of her darkening eyes. 

“It’s your _turn_ ” Meredith sort of insists to her as Addison furrows her brow in confusion.

* * *

“Truth or Dare, Doctor Boss” the ‘pregnant patient’ finally asks her _(saves her)._

“Oh, right. Ah. Dare, then, I guess.” Addison says noncommittally. 

Because of she sure as hell has quite a few unwanted truths she cares to not let sneak out now.

“Well that’s an easy one, I have just the proper thing for a doctor like you,” the patient says.

And as much as Addison would like to say she’s prepared for anything a patient could say,

Addison is left entirely unprepared for what is about to unfold after what the patient says next.

_“I Dare you, Doctor Boss, to be kissed by a woman. Right here, and right now, in front of us.”_

* * *

Addison chokes out the moment he says this. And she can’t help but look over at Meredith.

And Meredith is looking wide-eyed back at her too. And then there’s a moment.

A moment when they both search in each other’s souls to see if they want the same thing.

They look at each other with reference, with curiosity, with lust, with hope and loss and fear.

And they’re terrified, because if the next moment does not live up to all of their desires,

Then they are no longer sure what would ever be possible. The world would just die.

Just go purely extinct and the both of them, Meredith and Addison, would just stop.

They would cease to even exist. They would never, ever, be them again.

They would never be the same with or without this, not after, either way. 

And either way, they knew that they had to make a choice. Now or Never.

And the wanted, yearned for, longed for, NEEDED to know they would both think the same.

* * *

That they’d both pick each other 

  
  


That they’d both choose each other. 

  
  


That they’d both _LOVE_ one another.

  
  


“Pick me, choose me, love me”

  
  


The words echoed in Meredith’s ears as she remembered saying them to Derek.

And then she thinks now she has said those words to the very wrong person entirely.

  
  


“Pick me, choose me, love me”

  
  


The words echoed in Addison’s ears as she remembered Derek saying them to her.

Only they weren’t even FOR her. They were reserved only for him. From Meredith.

  
  


“Pick me, choose me, love me”

The words echoed in Meredith’s ears as she vaguely remembered hearing them again,

But this time falling to her out of someone else’s lips who she can’t quite understand yet.

And she tries to soothe her aching brain but she feels all lightheaded and numb.

She feels like ten tonnes of tequila, she thinks she might be onto something now, but not quite.

  
  


“Pick me, choose me, love me”

Addison remembers mimicking Meredith back that night at the bar.

And now she wishes she’d meant it to her then, and that Derek wasn’t there, 

Only Meredith saying those words not through him, for him,

But directly to HER. 

  
  


And the moment seems endless as the two of them feel trapped in eternity together.

They are staring at each other’s eyes, each other’s lips, each other’s mouths.

And they are staring as if into each other their souls, into their minds, into their hearts. 

  
  


And they think that they are finally drunk off anticipation enough to decide.

To make the decision for themselves and for each other.

To make the decision that will dictate their destiny.

* * *

_“The Human life is made up of choices._

_Yes or no?_

_In or out?_

_Up or down?_

_And then there are the choices that matter:_

_to love or hate,_

_to be a hero or to be a coward,_

_to fight or to give in, to live or die..._

_Live or die?_

_That's the important choice,_

_and it's not always in our hands._

_Yes or no?_

_In or out?_

_Up or down?_

_Live or die?_

_Hero or coward?_

_Fight or give in?_

_I'll say it again,_

_to make sure you hear me:_

_The Human life is made up of choices._

_Live or die?_

_That's the important choice…_

_and it's not always in our hands.”_

* * *

  
  


And just when Meredith and Addison both thought the decision was in their hands, it wasn’t.

Because before either Meredith or Addison could stop staring long enough to move a muscle,

Yang did. 

Cristina wordlessly got up out of her chair.

She pushed her way over to the chair where Derek Shepherd had earlier occupied.

And she sat herself down right between them; between Addison and Meredith. 

And she mouthed an “I’m sorry, don’t hate me” at Meredith quickly,

Before Cristina turned her head around,

And brought a hand to Addison.

And she cupped her face.

She whispered

“Not yet”

“Go”

And then,

Cristina could feel her.

Cristina could feel Addison’s lips on hers.

Cristina could feel Addison’s mouth on hers, too.

Cristina could feel how Addison’s tongue moved when she sucked it.

Cristina could feel how Addison’s throat groaned out when she kissed her rough.

Cristina could feel how Addison’s hands tightened up when she slid her tongue all inside.

Cristina could feel how Addison’s body shuddered when she gave it her all, have her everything.

* * *

As if Cristina couldn’t feel as well, the way that just and now, how she’d taken everything away.

Taken away what Addison and Meredith both thought that this moment would be.

The moment in front of everyone in the room yet just for them also.

The moment their desire was consummated finally.

The moment Addison came out.

The moment for MerAdd.

Their moment.

Theirs. 

Not-

* * *

Not-

Cristina’s moment to slide in right in front of Meredith and kiss the hell out of her right there!

Meredith was beside herself furious at Cristina now who is looking back at her empathetically.

And Cristina thinks Meredith is about to cry. So she holds her now, holds her hand.

And she looks at her best friend right in the eye. And she tells her. “I know” and that’s it.

And at that moment, despite Meredith saying absolutely nothing else to her at all,

Meredith understood. 

She knew what Cristina had done FOR her, not against her. FOR Addison, not against her.

And Addison didn’t quite understand yet what Meredith had come to understand.

Because Addison and Cristina are close now, but she’s MEREDITH’s person, not hers.

So when Addison looks up at Cristina, all drunk and hurt,

Cristina looks Addison then, right in the eye. And she tells her. “I know” and that’s it.

And Addison seems to understand from her too, that they’ll talk about it after.

After Izzie stops staring open-mouthed at Cristina. 

(Which Cristina is trying not to be sort of high-key really happy about)

And George and Alex stop whooping at both of them in delight.

And the patient stops cringing to himself and then laughs in humor and lightness again.

And with that, the patient senses that the rest of them need some time to recover.

So he says to them “Thank You” and says they were all very brave.

And Addison says “You’re welcome, I’ll get those tests to you soon”

And he just smiles at them all and says “live while we’re young.”

And Addison sends Izzie to pick up the labs.

And she sends George to go pick up the tilt test.

And she sends Alex to deliver the update to the chief.

And they all leave with a nod, without a word.

* * *

And, impulsively, she sends Meredith Grey to go deliver that note back to the psychiatrist.

And she tells her she probably doesn’t want to go near him. The boy-man psychiatrist.

Because Addison is jealous of the psychiatrist but doesn’t know how to deal with it.

But she still feels annoyed enough to tell Meredith she should avoid the psychiatrist 

As if she knew something about him Meredith didn’t because she had 

“Been around longer as a doctor” and she “Knew about him back in the day”

Meredith buys it, or at least she happily pretends to, but Cristina gives her a questioning look 

And then when it’s only the two of them Addison just sits down and shrugs and says “thanks.”

As if she’s starting to understand, but not quite and she still wants to talk about it. 

And Cristina says to her thanks for the thing about the psychiatrist anyhow.

Because he looked like he wanted to ride Meredith Grey like a carousel.

And Carousels clearly have Meredith Grey the CREEPs as her mother said. 

And so Meredith goes off to give the note back to the psychiatrist as she is told and say “no”

* * *

And Addison asks Cristina with her eyes why she didn’t hesitate to volunteer to kiss her

And she asked her it was at all to make the Doctor Stevens sort of jealous,

And Cristina shifts uncomfortably at the thought and says a shy “yes” to her,

Addison is relieved Cristina has no upper hand for the very first time in their up relationship

But because she’s just _so Addison_ , and she’s been so grateful to Cristina,

Addison just smiles widely saying super genuinely that Stevens is an excellent doctor,

As is Cristina, and that they would be lucky to have each other.

And Cristina says “well, huh, I guess that means you must ‘ship’ us together then, hey?”

And Addison laughs as she says she does ‘ship’ them, _whatever_ , and that she’s glad for her.

Because she never really truly said to Cristina how scared Izzie looked when she saw her-

Saw Addison in the halls as she was running to find her to say that ‘her friend’-

‘Her friend’ needed Addison to operate on her immediately. And she understood _why._

And Cristina says thanks, not knowing this unfamiliar territory of Addison looking out for her-

As well as everyone else in their “breakfast club’ - seeing as she had _blackmailed her_ -

Literally only a few days ago. And called her out for Skippy Gold. And also _kissed her._

But they both knew even though it was Addison’s first kiss with a woman it didn’t matter.

  
  


* * *

  
  


“You still matter to me, you know,” Addison says. “The Interns. Bailey’s Interns” she adds.

“You all do,” Addison adds quickly. “I know,” Cristina says to her with wide eyes.

“You are like, crazy. And we - I- need that from you. I need you to never not care” Cristina says. 

And that’s when Addison knows that Cristina is doing the thing where she’s talking-

But actually talking with Addison about something- someone else again.

“It’s okay to let yourself be cared for back too,” Cristina says in a way that mirrors Meredith a bit.

“I care about you back ya know. And not only for surgeries. That was just a joke.” Cristina says.

“I don’t ever love you- not in that way at least and I won’t ever love like that”- Cristina begins.

“But I do love you as our teacher, I love you as our genuine friend. I love you as my mentor”

Cristina continues. “And I love you for being a better boss than Burke ever was to me-”

Cristina trails off a bit and now Addison is not sure where she’s even going with this at all. 

* * *

“When I first got here, Meredith had her McDreamy and I wanted mine” she continues

“And I knew I wanted to be a heart surgeon so I wanted Preston Burke,” she says.

“So I let him take pieces away from me. I let him hold on to me like on a leash” she says.

“I know he’s been taking pieces from me. Chips pieces of me away like glass” she says softer.

And for all that they’ve interacted with each other, Addison has never ever seen Cristina Yang,

THE ,Cristina Yang looks so vulnerable to her. “I’m so sorry,” Addison says slowly.

“I know Preston’s my friend. So if you ever need anything from me, I have influence” she says.

“Thank you Doctor Montgomery,” Cristina says to her genuinely, she hardly ever calls her that.

  
  


Cristina is relieved that she talked to Addison about this because she would talk to Meredith-

But she didn’t want to bring up any comparisons or bad flashbacks about Derek.

“Thank you, for saving me,” Cristina says to her again as if she just remembers again.

“Thank YOU for saving me,” Addison says to her barely above a whisper.

“You know if things were different, and I wasn’t your student, and you weren’t crushing on Mer-”

Cristina begins before Addison could jump to say something to her quickly about that last one. 

“If things had been different” Cristina says with weight so that Addison knows she means _Derek,_

“I think that we could have been friends,” Cristina says to her, offering up a handshake.

“We can be friends in a few short years Yang, after I’m through with kicking your ass” she adds.

“I really do hope so,” Cristina says in a careful way, as Addison notes that the tone has shifted.

The conversation has shifted back to Addison’s question which she still hasn’t answered yet.

And she doesn’t even have to ask it out loud because Cristina knows what she means.

* * *

  
  


“I kissed you because I didn’t want Meredith to kiss you then,” Cristina says softly.

“It wasn’t really for me, or for Izzie to make her jealous or all that” Cristina adds again.

“But- why?” Addison asks her. “Knowing all that you know, why would you?” she asks.

“Knowing all that I know” Cristina starts up again. “I know you,” Cristina says.

“I know you need to have a fighting chance. I know you don’t have much net under your feet”

She elaborates before Addison questions her. “I want it to work you you know, I really do-”

“You’ve both been hurt by Derek. You have an invisible bond. You’re both broke, you can fix it”

“When you’re ready when she’s ready. When you both have some fucking self-respect built up”

Addison flinches at Cristina’s harsh words and swearing but the flash in her eyes says it's true.

“I think you could make Meredith Grey really happy. And I think that someday she’ll want YOU”

Addison can’t stop a flash of hope and a grin to come out as Cristina softens gently.

“But if/then it does happen, I want it to happen in a way that is real,” Cristina says to her wisely.

“We accept the love that we think we deserve, Doctor Montgomery” Addison hears her own line.

It brings tears to her eyes and Cristina moves to hold onto Addison’s shoulder softly.

“I learned that the hard way over Burke. It took an almost McBaby for me to really know-” 

“But I know I deserve more than him. And he needs someone who is not me” she says.

“And you deserve- you both deserve more from each other too,” Cristina says simply.

* * *

_“I don’t want your lives to be a joke or a game,” Cristina says._

_“You could be something beautiful. You both are really beautiful. You’re anything but ordinary”_

_Cristina is going a bit far away so Addison is seeming to be a bit lost all over again._

_“You could be something extraordinary together, even if you’re more than ordinary apart”_

_Cristina says to her finally. “And it will be one of the great privileges of my life-”_

_Cristina sighs before she says it. “To have gotten to watch it all happen” she concludes._

  
  


* * *

  
  


And before Addison can say anything she forgets herself entirely.

And she’s wrapping her arms around Cristina Yang’s shoulders.

And Cristina is holding her close, even though normally she doesn’t like to be held.

And it should feel insane, that Addison is being held like this by a _student._

But some of these days, she hardly feels like she’s a teacher at all.

So she just takes it all in and appreciates all the honest truths.

And they just stand there awhile, living, breathing.

They stand there as Cristina settles as well

They stand there until they stop crying.

They stand there until they breathe.

They stand there together.

With each other.

Waiting.

Now.

  
  


* * *

**_As if they are each waiting for something truly important, that is just about to begin._ **

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

******* END OF CHAPTER 13**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***** HIDES BEHIND A DESK *****
> 
> "DID YOU JUST - "
> 
> Yes. I did. I did not let them - you know.
> 
> Yes, I did make Derek walk away. 
> 
> He didn't need to see that between Mer and Addie. 
> 
> Yes, I did just quote death and all his friends the voiceover.
> 
> Yes, I did make all those lames jokes and references.
> 
> AND YES, I LITERALLY LIVE FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWS.
> 
> Have a great one much love happy easter to you.
> 
> THANK YOU !!!!!


	14. Break On Through, Part Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cristina is used to being woken up by her alarm clock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back folks.
> 
> This one is much shorter than I would have liked 
> 
> (Yesterday was OVERWHELMING, to say the least.)
> 
> But I thought it would be better to post something rather than not at all.
> 
> Here's something I think you will grow to enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 14: Break On Through, Part Four**

* * *

_Cristina Yang is used to being woken up by her alarm clock._

Or by her pager. 

Or by the birds chirping.

Or by a tow-truck.

Or by a regular truck.

Or by _anything else, really,_

Other than being woken up,

The way she was being woken up,

Like, _RIGHT NOW._

That is, with all of the yelling,

And the screaming,

And the shouting,

And finally the poking.

Ok, the poking is finally what does it. 

It finally wakes Cristina Yang up,

And makes her listen,

To the person,

Who was yelling 

and screaming and shouting,

For her to _“WAKE THE HELL UP”_

So that apparently,

She could be yelled at even more. 

_‘Ugh, well this is going to be a hell of a day,’_

Cristina thinks, with a heavy sigh, at herself. 

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!?”

“HOW COULD YOU DO THAT!?”

  
  
“WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?”

* * *

Correction:

  
  


_‘This is going to be a day of complete hell’._

And Cristina sighs at herself, again.

* * *

“ _Coming_ Mer!” 

* * *

Cristina finally gets up and stops ignoring all of the yelling and screaming and shouting, as well as banging on her apartment door and letting the yelling, screaming, shouting girl out of the cold Seattle raindrops and into her cold Seattle apartment. _God, she really should turn the heat on._

She makes her best friend a hot cup of tea before she chugs down a diet soda for herself. She would offer Meredith something for breakfast if she had it, but all she usually kept at the house was diet soda (which she had already been drinking straight out of the bottle), as well as liquor. 

So instead, she settles on pouring her friend a cup of hot water, which she fills in with one of her last remaining teabags from when Burke used to come over to her place from time to time. Usually, he had avoided it, because he was a stickler for order and she was, well, _a big, pig_.

But she still had some tea leftover, not for Burke at all anymore, and more for occasions like this. Where she would become an impromptu hostess for an uninvited houseguest, who storms over to her apartment at the very _crack of dawn_ , to ask “ _HOW COULD YOU DO THAT!?_ ”.

And to be quite truthful, Cristina’s not at all upset at her. She’s not upset at her friend at all. Her friend, who just so happens to be stirring at her tea with her finger and warming her hands on her mug as she waited for Cristina to open up another can of diet soda before starting again.

“I can’t believe you did that” Meredith finally asks her in a soft whispery voice. And Cristina’s heart almost breaks at that one, because Meredith’s soft whispery voice is _much_ more terrifying than all of her yelling. “I’m sorry” Cristina repeats to her. She’s said it already; she says it again.

“Thank-You,” Meredith says to her softly as she stares into the tea leaves like she’s trying to read her own fortune. “You know it was all a part of a game, right?” Cristina asks her tenderly, as Meredith just sort of nods like she’s not sure she even believes in her answer. “ _The Game._ ”

Meredith sighs again, and Cristina sighs as well because now she can hear the capital “G” in Meredith’s voice when she said to her the “Game”, which means she’s referring not only to their Never Have I Ever & Truth Or Dare, games, but to the “Game” that was their surgical residency. 

“I just, I never thought it was all gonna be so damn _hard_ ” Meredith sighs loudly at her again. “Yeah. Being an intern does kinda suck sometimes” Cristina agrees. “What about you though, you’re like _over, OVER_ ” with Doctor Burke now. Are you doing ok with all of that Cristina?

  
  


Meredith takes a break from her own thought process and problems to consider Cristina’s feelings for once in their conversations that morning. “Yeah, I think I am doing okay,” Cristina says honestly like she’s just starting to believe it herself. “I’m glad I didn’t have to have the-

Cristina doesn’t know whether she’s supposed to say “the baby” or “the abortion” in conclusion to that last sentence so instead, she just says nothing as she goes to pour herself a cup of tea as well. “I’m sorry,” says Meredith softly. And she holds out her hand to brush it over Cristina’s. 

With all the drama that had been going around in the hospital; Derek, ‘mystery man’, psychiatrist Arthur, Never Have I Ever, Truth or Dare, budding “like-mances”, they hadn’t really had any time just to talk with each other about Cristina’s recovery from surgery and from her lost near-child. 

And it was comforting to Cristina that her best friend would carve out the time to talk just about her. So she lets Meredith hold her hand for a while until she only pulls it away just to test her tea to see if it has cooled off enough yet. Then she sipped it and Meredith sipped her tea, too. 

That is until Meredith’s hand came to reach over to hold Cristina’s hand again at the same time that Cristina tried to reach to grab a lump of sugar from the edge of the counter. And as their elbows collided the both of their teacups flew into midair before they landed on the floor. _Clunk._

“Sorry I spilled all the tea” Meredith apologizes for the second time already that morning. “Well, it’s not like you haven't been “ _spilling the tea”_ at me all this morning. Cristina looks up at her with a soft sort of laugh, to reassure Meredith that she hadn’t shattered their friendship in teacups.

* * *

“Do _you_ have any more _interesting_ t _ea to spill?”_ Meredith asks of Cristina. “Come _on_ I could use a distraction, hell knows you’ve been thinking about my ‘mystery person’ drama since _last week_ says Meredith, guessing correctly again. Cristina thinks about her two options with another sigh. 

She could talk to Meredith again about the ‘mystery person drama’ which somewhere along the way Meredith has stopped calling the ‘mystery man drama’ and idly, Cristina wonders if her subconscious is trying to rein her - the hell. Or she could talk about her own _tea._ Her _stuff._

_‘My stuff it is’_ Cristina says with one final gulp of her second diet soda she hadn’t finished before the start of the spilled tea incident. “So some tea about me” Cristina says to her with a shy and embarrassed smile. “My tea right now is that I have my eye on someone new, now”

She says this all in one breath before looking up slowly at Meredith again, while simultaneously worrying the rim of the soda can in with her thumb. “So are you going to tell me about this new person you have your eye on then?” Meredith asks her with huge interest, Cristina says “Yeah.”

Ten minutes later after they had both discussed all the pros and cons of Izzie Stevens’ fresh baking skills (pros: chocolate cupcakes, the french toast, and homemade bread, cons: oatmeal cookies, anything with only raisins and bacon-flavored brownies) as well as her looks.

“Did you save that Bethany Whispers’ poster that Alex had plastered all over the hospital walls?!” Meredith exclaims with a shout after she finally thought all of it through. “ _NO_ ” Cristina tries to lie through her teeth about it, but apparently, her smooth lying skills don’t apply this time.

  
  


“OH MY GOD, YOU HAVE THEM IN YOUR BEDROOM, DON’T YOU!” Meredith says with a shout, and she runs off to Cristina’s room before she can even attempt passively to body-block her. “She IS hot though, in like a barbie blonde kinda way,” Meredith says very objectively.

“She’s literally _a freaking MODEL_ ” Cristina insists to her with reverence. And Meredith instantly makes fun of her for that one because if it weren’t the first words Cristina ever said to her about all the interns it was to admonish the fact that she’d heard “one of them is a _model._ ”

“Hey, I didn’t know that a hot _Doctor Model_ could be more than just a dichotomy” Cristina whines at her as Meredith sees her Ogling Izzie Stevens’ face in the poster shot. “Ya know if you wanna sleepover at my place she sometimes walks around in Hello Kitty Underwear” Meredith smirks.

“As incredibly tempting as that sounds to me right about now” Cristina starts in a fantasizing gaze, “I’m not sure if sleeping in some other girl’s bed right now sends the message that I might or might not be trying to send in the whole recent future” Cristina smirks right back at Meredith.

“Oh, come _on_ Izzie knows that you and I are not and that we’re never gonna be like, a _thing_ ” Meredith giggles. “Yeah but what if _she_ doesn’t know that and not she we all know - and _Izzie knows_ that we all used to kiss on girls back in the day - what if she thinks that we _are, now”_

Cristina starts fretting and it’s Meredith who calms her down this time, stroking soothing patterns into Cristina’s back as she squeezes her shoulder reassuringly. “Ya know we can just tell her we’re like _completely platonic, for soulmates,_ ” Meredith says to her as if that made total sense. 

“I’m not so sure that’s gonna make sense if you hear yourself saying that like _out loud_ to anybody who isn’t right in this room like _right now_ ” Cristina rambles as she explains the dicey logic that Meredith has just laid out there before her. “ _Alright,”_ Meredith says with a sigh. 

“But I really did want you to come over soon though,” she says in a hopeful way, letting Cristina know that Meredith really misses her. “And I don’t want it to change, _us,_ ” Meredith says to her. “Not like the _us_ that you’d say hypothetically about you and Izzie, like _us_ , friends, _us.”_

“Oh Mer, nothing’s gonna change us!” Cristina exclaims now. “We were best friends while you were with Derek and I was with Burke. We were best friends though you McDreamy Breakups and my Burke McBaby’s and Breakups and all of the rest. I’ll- I’ll never make it without you”

  
  


Cristina’s voice is all soft and tender now. And she’s even hugging Meredith tighter, tighter than she ever has before. And then she asks her pensively “do you think we could be? I mean Izzie and Me?” she says all soft and vulnerable. It makes Meredith melt that Cristina cares so much. 

“I think that you really could be something beautiful” Meredith finally says honestly. “You really think so?” Cristina asks her again. “I really, really do,” Meredith says. “And I’m glad. Because YOU are my PERSON Cristina, but Izzie’s my friend too. She deserves someone like you.”

And it’s probably the most generous offer that Meredith has ever had to make for her friend. Because she _knew_ that Burke wasn’t being good to her. She held her tongue so that Cristina could learn that about him and her all on her own, despite it all being just so damn _hard._

But this, this is different now. With Cristina with Burke, Meredith knew that Cristina would need her, need someone to lean on, to complain to and to hold on to. But with this- if this- happened with Izzie, then Meredith knew there was a piece of Cristina that wouldn’t be _just her’s_ anymore.

And that thought scared the crap out of Meredith. And the thought scared the crap out of Cristina, in both the same way that Meredith thought, also the other way. If in the future, that Meredith fell in love, and that they loved her back fully, she'd lose a piece of _her,_ Mer, as well. 

* * *

“Did you wish it was Izzie, that you kissed for the dare?” Meredith asks her softly when she finally thinks to ask Cristina about that. “In a way, selfishly, I guess I did” Cristina admits in a way she still wouldn’t to Addison, the way she had admitted she kissed Addison to save her then.

“But I think that it’s better. Or at least I try to justify it to myself in that way” Cristina says with a thoughtful look, then softens again. “We accept the love that we think we deserve, Mer” Cristina says this tagline to her best friend, as she’s said to Addison only just the other day, as well. 

“Are you saying you’re not sure you deserve to be loved by Izzie Stevens” Mer catches her thoughts as they scatter into space now. “Yeah, that’s what I was saying, I guess” Cristina shrugs. And her eyes are all hollow when she looks up at Mer again. “I think you do,” Mer says.

“I really do, I think you deserve to be loved by her whole, if she likes you that way, if she wants you back too,” Meredith says. “And she deserves you, too. As much as I wanna keep you all to myself. But then I’d have to give you the sex. And I don’t wanna do that. So then, Izzie it is!”

“Well, that escalated quickly” Cristina deadpans at Meredith. “Well I mean that’s what people like, in love wanna do, right?” Meredith quirks right back at her. “Well, yeah but I mean I never even asked her yet,” Cristina says like a gentleman. “Wow, I wish I was less of a whore like you.”

“You are so not a whore, Meredith,” Cristina says to her seriously. “I mean, you like to _do it_ ” but that doesn’t make you a whore. “But I like to do it with _inappropriate people. In inappropriate places. In inappropriate WAYS”_ Mer insists. “Ok, I didn’t have to know about the last one!!!”

Cristina is teasing Mer now so she’s lightening up a little and she won’t feel so down. “Ok but seriously, none of those are actually a problem as long as long as you respect the person’s wishes and they respect you back. I think your problem is the latter, not the former” she says.

“So you don’t think that my thinking nasty naughty nurses' thoughts about someone _super really inappropriate_ is gonna make me even more of a whore?” Meredith asks her again. “Nah, I think if anyone was being a bit of a _whore_ then it’s McDerek. He had a secret McWife for chrissake”

“I wish I could make that McDream go away” Meredith sighs as she looks down away from Cristina’s eye contact. “So you don’t miss him? Not even at all? Cristina asks her rather seriously this time. “No, not in a wanna be friends way. Not even in a wanna screw him way”

“I’m proud of you Meredith,” Cristina says to her genuinely. “I’m glad that you’re building up some of your self-respect,” she says gratefully. “I think I’m growing into, someone I could trust,” Meredith says thoughtfully as she twirls Cristina’s hair on her shoulder. “I’m _growing,_ ” she says.

“You’re growing,” Cristina says to Meredith again, proudly this time. “I’m glad”

* * *

_‘She’s ready, you know’. A nagging voice enters Cristina’s mind as she smiles up at Meredith. ‘It’s almost time now. She’s going to figure it out all on her own, Cristina knows. And it’s a relief, really. When all of the waiting is finally over, Meredith has grown into somebody she can trust._

* * *

_And that, more importantly, that she knows it for herself. That no matter what, Meredith will be okay._

_And Maybe, Cristina thinks idly in her mind. If the Izzie thing doesn't go too well for her,_

_Or even if it does, then she knows for sure after today that she'll have Meredith here to catch her._

* * *

  
  


_*_

_*_

_*_

_*_

_*_

_*****_ **END OF CHAPTER 14**

* * *

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes those were direct references to 
> 
> "I think I'm growing into (someone you can trust)" by StephIsInsanity
> 
> Because I freaking love that story and it worked.
> 
> See if you can catch those other eye-rolling references at a glance. LOL.
> 
> Anyways enjoy and leave a review I love waking up to them.
> 
> And enjoy if you want a new update on "Hello, Seattle", a refreshed "Into the Fire", "Flipped like a Pancake" and MerAdd poem "Elevator to Heaven" all of these are the reason why today's chapter is not as unbelievably long as like, yesterday's.
> 
> YES eventually Mer will figure out the truth I'm just gettin' there.
> 
> And NO I will not make the endgame NOT MerAdd so don't worry too much about that.
> 
> It's the journey to be here that's what counts.
> 
> (And that was a reference to "The Journey To Be Here" by LezBeDaisy that I think you should read right now if you haven't it's one of the inspired works at the top. Seriously. It's the best.)
> 
> BYE FOR NOW ! SEE YA TOMORROW OR HOPEFULLY BEFORE IN THE COMMENTS.


	15. Break On Through, Part Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "WhatDoYouThinkAboutAddison"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow so it's 3AM here but I promised myself I'd post a chapter a day so here it is. 
> 
> Longer than yesterday's and a bit more MerAdd insight, plus Izzie "screen time"
> 
> Anyways I won't spoiler any more of your spoilers. Happy reading everyone enjoy!

* * *

  
**Chapter 15: Break on Through, Part Five**

* * *

“Izzie, can I ask you ah, a question? Promise you won’t be mad or run off on me and say that I’m weird and messed up and going all dark and twisty on you all over again…” Meredith rambles as she tries _really_ hard to get to her point, but is thus far, failing rather spectacularly. 

“Hit me with your best shot,” Izzie says to her with a grin.

“If I didn’t actually _like_ that song _un-ironically_ I would _so_ walk away from you right now,” Meredith says to Izzie with a giggle.

“ _Seriously,_ hit me with your best shot,” Izzie asks her finally.

“WhatDoYouThinkAboutAddison?” Meredith asks her, saying all of her words in one breath.

“Umm, I think you’re going to have to say that a whole lot more _slower_ if you expect me to answer you” Izzie replies to her, seriously.

“ _Seriously?”_ Meredith exclaims in an astonishingly similar tone to her friend Izzie.

“ _Seriously!”_ Izzie says to her so Meredith knows for certain she’s serious.

“What do you think about _Addison_?” Meredith tries to say in an even tone now. 

“Why do you wanna know what I think about Addison? Izzie says to her, but without her breath catching on Addison’s name in the same way Meredith’s had when _she_ had said it. 

“I just, I wanna know what you think, that’s all. She said to you once that you had like, a gift for her specialty, right?” Meredith is grasping at nothing but the compliment seems to work wonders.

“Right, yeah. That was really nice of her I think” Izzie says. 

“Anything, else…” Meredith tries to ask her without being suspicious.

“Are you asking like an ‘I want to gather ammunition against her to get Derek back, way’?” Asks Izzie.

“No.” Meredith considers that one for a second before she answers in complete honesty. 

“Really, no,” she says to Izzie, surprising even herself a little bit. 

“Well that’s progress,” Izzie says with a smile.

“I guess it is,” says Meredith with a smile back at her as well.

“Hey, do you know what happened to our potted plant over there?” Izzie asks, slightly changing the subject to something a little less incriminating for the both of them. 

(For Mer, because she’s got a bit of a stubborn sudden sexual attraction she’s trying to hide or unhide or attempt to vaguely not understand)

(for Izzie, because she really _does_ have a knack for birthing babies, and Addison is a really great teacher to her, and she doesn’t want to say anything to Meredith that could mess all that up.)

“Yeah what about it?” Meredith asks her as she looks at the left-leaning plant that is still sitting on the countertop where it hadn’t been moved since the night Meredith had been drunk.

“It’s like, less and less straight every day,” Izzie says. “I _seriously_ tried to straighten it with some tape and glue and a ruler, but I think it only made it even more queer-shaped than yesterday,” Izzie says.

“I _know,_ ” Meredith says with a huff. “I tried to straighten it out with my pencils, but it didn’t go too well either I guess” Meredith concedes.

“Well It’s not like being queer is the worst that can happen to a plant anyhow” Izzie shrugs.

“Yeah I mean it hasn’t been straight since I knocked it over the night I professed my love to Derek and he didn’t pick me and I drank myself under the table and I must have knocked it over the table as well when I got home,” Meredith says to her.

“Do you _remember_ knocking it over then, Meredith?” Izzie asks her innocently.

“No, not really,” Meredith says. “It’s all just really fuzzy. I just think that it wasn’t somebody else who touched it. I think it was me, that’s all. Or maybe it was because somebody bumped into me and I knocked into IT” Meredith tries to rationalize based on what has previously happened when she’s been blackout drunk.

“I think that someone bumping into you and you bumping into the plant is the most logical reason I can think of that it can’t be called straight anymore,” Izzie says. 

“But I mean it sure does look happy there. It’s all perky and has little flowers blooming on it. I think if I were a plant if I had to pick between being straight and lame or being queer and have flowers, then I would definitely want the queer flowers” Izzie says with a chirp.

“Me too,” Meredith says. “Besides, straight plants are so _boring_. I mean anyone can have a petunia that goes in one direction, but not everyone can have a potted plant that can get some fun going in more than one way” Meredith says. “At least, if I were a plant I would hope I’d be one of the fun ones” she sighs.

“Speaking of fun, what do you say we go to Joe’s this evening?” Izzie asks her. 

“Sure,'' Meredith says to her. “But you gotta stop me after six shots of tequila,” Meredith says to her. “I was already at seven last time that I was at that bar, and that’s the very last thing I remember. I remember seven empty shot glasses turned over in front of me and reaching for the eighth. And I don’t remember anything else about it after that” Meredith sighs.

“Six shots it is,” Izzie says gratefully, at least that her friend was starting to her own limits. 

“Let’s make it five,” Meredith says to her. “Just in case, better safe than sorry” she adds.

“Deal,” Izzie says easily. “I think we should just ask Joe how many shots he already knows you can handle, and ask him for a special favor to never let you have more than that at once,” Izzie says.

“I think that sounds like a great plan,” says Meredith. “He’s a pretty good guy, Joe is. I should leave him a tip” Meredith muses.

“Oh, and about your Addison question; don’t you dare tell anyone I said this, but the way she was looking at you when you were licking on that lollipop, I swear I thought she was gonna orgasm like inside of her _pants,”_ Izzie says in a hushed whisper.

_“SERIOUSLY?!”_ Meredith practically leaps onto the table.

“Yeah, that and she looked like she wanted to jump your bones right in the patient room” Izzie says objectively, as if she were delivering an oral report. 

“That’s not _funny,_ ” Meredith says to her as if she’s making it all up. Because I mean, it does kind of sound all made up. Or effed up. You know what I mean. 

_The ex-wife stares lustfully at her now intern who was recently once her ex-husband’s ex-girlfriend or mistress or whore, Meredith thinks to herself. That sounds worse than TV._

But it got Meredith thinking about what Izzie had said. And Izzie talked about other instances where she’d caught Doctor Montgomery staring at Meredith Grey.

And maybe it was only because she was previously with Derek, but Izzie says she’d almost beg to differ because the look on Addison’s face when she’d first arrived was far from the looks she was giving Meredith (and Meredith’s body)-now. 

“Shoot we’re running late!” Izzie says all the sudden, interrupting Meredith’s - _whatever_ \- while packing a hodgepodge of cookies and muffins into a tupperware to share with each other at lunch.

* * *

“You’re driving!” Izzie says to Meredith who grabs her coat (not from the coat rack from the chair) as well as her keys. 

“Coming!” Meredith leaps up off of the chair as she follows the blonde intern out of the door.

“BOYS” Meredith yells at her roommates and friends.

“If you wanna ride you come now” Meredith yells. 

Alex and George (who have just had an interesting sleepover in George’s room and therefore are both riding along with them) come running out the door as they leave it.

And when Meredith locks the door to the house right behind her, Izzie can’t help but to focus again on that smooth “M” carved into it and the shiny weight of Meredith’s key as it falls into her palm. 

  
  


“So how was your sleepover?” the girls ask of the boys on the way, to be polite.

“It was ah, good” George O’Malley says with a bit of a stutter.

“You seem a bit tired” says Meredith out of concern a bit to both of them. 

  
“Long night” Alex replied curtly, not going into any more detail than that. 

“Can I ask you something?” Meredith asks them the same way she asked Izzie earlier. 

“What do you think of Addison?” Meredith asks them without waiting for them to reply. 

“She’s really HOT, like McHot, HOT” Alex says with enthusiasm. 

“She’s hot,” George says with less enthusiasm than Alex. “She’s like, really tall,” he adds. “And her hair is REALLY RED,” he says. “Like, if Addison were entirely a color, she would be just Red,” he says as if that made any sense at all to anyone.

“Dude, I’d do her, you know, like if she offered. Like if she came right up to me and started kissing me I’d kiss her back. And I’d do her in the on-call room if she followed me inside of one and took all my clothes off” Alex says crassly and the whole thing makes Meredith furious for no reason she can explain in particular.

“ _God,_ you’re _such a PIG”_ Meredith exclaims at him forcefully, eyeing him through the rearview mirror of her car. “Addison is a _lady_ who wears fancy brand-name shoes everywhere. She has perfect clothes, perfect hair and she _always smells like brown sugar_ ” Meredith says to no one in particular, but mostly at Alex.

“I can’t believe you can be thinking about having a quickie with her when you’re on her service” Meredith sulks. 

“You ASKED,” Alex says to her. “Look, I may be a lot of things but I’m not a liar. I tell people the truth if that’s the only thing I got going for me. So if you don’t like what you hear, you shouldn’t ask those kinds of questions” Alex says with a gruff.

“You DID ask,” George says, and Meredith concedes her point.

“Does she actually always smell like brown sugar?” Izzie asks her and wonders why Meredith would have known that. 

“I don’t know but I think so,” says Meredith. “I just noticed it in the scrub room, because she must have had perfume on her hands before she went in and it smelled a bit like your cookies” Meredith says as a compliment. “The GOOD cookies” she adds, for good measure.

“Ooh those are nice, can you make them again?” George O’Malley asks.

And with that the quartet of interns had already switched to another topic, giving Meredith a chance to calm down after what she had just heard. 

The boys are suspicious but they don’t figure out anything remotely important. 

They are into each other, but it’s a bit awkward. So they ask Mer and Izzie about it.

“Hey, you guys are like kinda gay right?” Alex asks, this time it’s his turn to be on edge.

“Why?” Meredith asks him. “Wanna come over to the dark side?” Izzie teases him.

“If Alex were coming over to the dark side wouldn’t he NOT be doing it with people like, well, the two of you?” George stumbles on his sentence of hypotheticals.

“Right.” says Izzie. “But he can still ask,” Izzie offers.

“How did you _know_?” Alex says to them simply.

“I was really into princesses when I was a kid” Izzie starts.

“Wow who knew, Bethany Whispers” Alex mocks her as she gives him a fake scathing look.

“Anyways, when I was into all the princesses I thought I wanted to marry them instead of their princes. Not all the time, but mostly” Izzie explains to him simply.

“How did you know?” George asks Meredith, curiously, as if he were digging deeper for a reason which may or may not have something specific to do with HIM. 

“Well I wasn’t as young as Izzie” Meredith starts. “But I would get these vivid dreams” Meredith explains. 

“And then I’d see these women, walking around in my real life. And when I touched them, or they touched me in some way, I could _feel it_ , ya know” Meredith tries to explain.

“It’s like I feel like my body wants to move closer to girls. Or have their hands wrap around me like a glove” she tries harder and still feels like she’s missing her mark.

“Were you ever in love with a woman?” Meredith asks of Izzie. 

“Not yet, not in love, in love. But I could be someday” Izzie says. “I’ve dated some girl here. I find girls better kissers but then that’s just me” she says. 

“Have you?” Izzie asks Meredith quietly now.

“Been in love? With a woman? Or dated one? Or what?” Meredith sort of fumbles on what she is saying.

“All of them I guess? George says with a puzzled look.

“Hey don’t think of this in a gross way” Izzie catches on to her friend. “Sorry” George mutters.

“In love, I don’t think so quite yet, but I easily could,” Meredith starts to say. “I dated one woman, Sadie a long time ago. She left me or I left her in Amsterdam. It wasn’t pretty” Meredith says. “But while it was happening it was the best that I’ve had so far at least” Meredith shrugs.

“As in-” Alex starts to say before Izzie reaches into the back seat and slaps his wrist. 

“We do NOT need to ask Mer that '' she saves Meredith from the obvious trouble.

_‘Thank-you_ ” Meredith is mouthing to Izzie as she re-focuses her eyes on the road. 

“What about you boys then, how about those boy-on-boy kisses” Meredith teases back.

“You know, for what it’s worth Mer I get why you called that boy McDreamy. He’s good with his tongue” Alex says with a grin. 

“ _SERIOUSLY?!”_ Izzie is exclaiming at him and he pulls his wrist away so that Izzie can’t slap it again. 

And strangely, the thought of Derek’s tongue in someone else’s mouth doesn’t send her into as much of a rage as it did when _Addison’s tongue was in Cristina Yang’s mouth_. 

Because that made her all kinds of dark and twisty and made her run all the way to her apartment at six-thirty this morning, which she hadn’t explained to her friends yet why she had already been up watering their super-queer plant when they stumbled down looking for coffee.

And bang on her door and poke at her window. And wake her up way too god early just to ask her why she kissed Addison Montgomery. Instead of _what_ \- not kissing her? Letting Izzie kiss her instead? _Meredith thinks that might have made her feel worse._

* * *

_Let her kiss Addison?! Meredith is in a frenzy now, remembering just how close Addison’s lips had been to her own and how soft and soothing they seemed. She remembered looking deep into Addison’s green eyes with her blue ones and noticing Addison’s eyes darkening as Meredith drew nearer._

_Had Izzie been right? Had Addison been THAT attracted to her? She wonders…_

* * *

The thought consumes Meredith for the rest of their car ride as the boys chat along with each other about kissing boys and decide it’s not even all bad. 

“My dad was super homophobic” Alex admits to everyone. That got them listening because they hadn’t heard about Alex’s past before now, at all. 

“He was a dick though, so I didn’t really know about guys until college” Alex says. 

* * *

_‘College’ Meredith thinks. She thinks about all the steamy makeout sessions she’d had with all the beautiful women there. She thinks about how sweet their lips tasted. How feverish they were. How she always felt a tinge of pride when she was the first woman they’d been with and they loved it..._

_‘If Addison really did want to hump her bones right then, Meredith would have been the very first woman to touch her, like that ever.’ Meredith relishes the thought. ‘God, how she could devour that beautiful body’ she wonders. How the hell did Derek ever let a bombshell like that, go?_

* * *

“Anyone up for Joe’s tonight?” Izzie asks, breaking Meredith out of her thoughts. 

“Absolutely!” everyone cheers. “Nine PM and Mer’s not allowed to have more than five shots at once. We have to ask Joe exactly how many she had when she blacked out last time and make sure she never goes near it again” Izzie explains the plan that they’re in on. 

“WE’RE GONNA PARTYYYYYY” Alex cheers with a whoop. 

And with that they were parking in the front of the hospital and walking right on inside. 

* * *

Addison’s car is in the wrong spot today. She comes up to her usual spot and she sees it’s been occupied already by a vaguely familiar-looking car. _God, interns_ , Addison mutters.

She thinks it won’t be a problem until an announcement comes over the P.A system asking them to please move the car that’s parked in the red zone. 

“Oh, no, I think I’m parked in a red zone” Addison says aloud in panic. 

She asks Izzie to move it for her because she has to operate on a fake pregnancy guy for an outpatient procedure. 

Addison promises Izzie that she’ll get to assist and the boys think they’ve won but they’re only doing the pre-op prep. 

Addison sighs and she’s sure as glad that this didn’t happen when she had Meredith’s key still attached to her own. 

Izzie notices that Addison doesn’t have the familiar-looking key on that ring anymore but doesn’t care or know enough to say anything about it or ask. 

She just decides to get on Addison’s good side since they’ve clearly bonded.

Addison asks Izzie about the boys in her life and she looks at her like “Do you see that I have to put up with” and Addison laughs.

She thinks that _Addison is alright, right now._ And that Izzie wishes she could have given Mer that honest answer this morning when she had asked her. Though she wondered why she had asked her. 

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that they looked like they were eye sexing each other during the Truth or Dare game the other day. _Probably_. Izzie thinks to herself.

But she sure as HELL wasn’t going to ask Addison about THAT.

When Izzie asks Addison a question back about the boys in her life, then she says she’s “not doing to talk about Derek” to her. To which Izzie agrees wholeheartedly and curses herself for asking such a dumb question.

Izzie apologizes and says that she’s lost herself and she forgot who Addison was.

And Addison takes that as a compliment and says that she’s not ready to move on anyhow. 

“Plus that no man has caught any of her interest since the whole Derek and Mark ordeal.”

The way Addison says this she’s not trying to imply that a _woman_ had caught at least her _INTEREST_ since she lost Derek. But she’s not exactly subtle in the way she’s not denying it, either and Izzie starts to notice she’s getting shifty under Izzie Stevens’ gaze. 

Izzie says “I'll keep an eye out for any potential suitors for you Addison”, to which she laughs.

She says “it’s nice to have an intern as a wing woman”, and Izzie agrees if Addison agrees to help her too.

Addison says she will, and then for some reason, Izzie confesses her terrible time with Alex,

Despite all the weirdness going around at Seattle Grace recently, chatting with Addison didn’t seem like it was at all weird after their games. It just seemed like she was talking with a friend. _A REALLY SMART FRIEND, who shows her cool medical stuff._

But still, more than a regular boss would be. She likes it. She likes talking to Addison, she thinks. _Much more than she ever tolerated talking to Burke or to Derek or to Richard or to Bailey_ , Izzie also lumps in with that thought. 

She asks Addison “what’s the greatest lengths that she’s ever done to be good for someone, when it hasn’t worked out, but that wasn’t about the whole Mark or Derek thing”, carefully.

And Addison tells her about how a long, LONG time ago, she asked one of her good friends Sam Bennett not to ask her out but ask her best girl, friend Naomi out instead.

Because she had the biggest crush on him and she knew it, and she didn’t want a boy to ever come between them. Naomi is Addison’s _person_ she explains.

“Like me and George?” Izzie says. “Or like Mer and Cristina,” she adds. “Yeah,” Addison says.

“And they got married together - Sam and Naomi I mean. They have a kid now. She’s gorgeous. I'm her godmother and I don’t get to see her as much as I wish I could” she says sadly.

* * *

_Addison thinks about how if she had just said that sentence to Meredith, she would probably wrap an arm or a hand around her hip or her shoulder now, and say to her “I’m sorry” softly as if it were at all her own fault for a problem that happened maybe even before she was in high school. Then Addison thinks about why she is thinking about talking to Meredith while she's talking to Izzie and she freaks out a little before coming back to her senses._

* * *

Izzie Stevens doesn’t wrap her arm around Addison’s shoulder or apologize. Instead, she just smiles and says to her. “You’re a really good person, Doctor Montgomery. I know you might not always do the perfect thing. But I think that that was sort of the perfect thing then” she says to her. 

And it has been so long since someone told her she’s doing or done something right, that Addison sighs in content at the intern’s genuine compliment. 

Addison says to Izzie how she did that for her friend and never told Naomi that. She never would, never could. Not if it could cost them their marriage and their friendship with Addison. 

“Does it sort of stress you out to keep all of those secrets?” Izzie pry's at her a little and Addison’s not sure exactly what Izzie is and isn’t asking her about it.

“It does, a little” Addison finally answers truthfully, though she’s thinking to herself more about the secret _whatever_ she’s been keeping from Meredith this whole time. 

“You know, this has been nice,” Izzie finally says to her.

“I told you, you had a knack for my specialty, Stevens,” Addison says to her and Izzie smiles at the compliment again.

“No I meant the talking,” Izzie says to her. “You treat me-us-interns. You treat us like we’re really people. And for what it’s worth, that’s worth a lot to me right now” Izzie says. 

Addison says “thank you too” for the company to Izzie and stops her before this conversation could get any weirder.

“Maybe you’ll meet a better boy or girl for yourself at Joe's or that Alex will sharpen up.” she laughs. And Izzie laughs too and notices how Addison hadn’t only said to her boy OR girl, but both. 

“Izzie says hey maybe I’ll ask Joe to point out someone who’s confessed their life tragedy to him. I bet he has all the best stories about EVERYONE” Izzie cheers up with a grin.

Addison says that “he sure probably does after all of these years”. And Addison sighs.

* * *

_Addison realizes she REALLY needs to go to the bar tonight to tell Joe not to tell Meredith not to tell any of the other interns or her husband that she took Meredith home that night and tucked her in bed when he’d called only one cab for them both. And then she realizes the more she says that whole monologue in her head, that she’s starting to sound more and more insane._

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

***** **END OF CHAPTER 15**

* * *

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp, I KNOW. 
> 
> Meredith still has no idea who the mystery person is.
> 
> Addison has no idea how or if or when or if not she's going to tell her.
> 
> Meredith is feeling some sexy feelings towards her hot sexy redhead boss - "maybe"
> 
> Izzie is suspicious and asking personal questions. 
> 
> The boys seem kinda gay and so does their plant.
> 
> And this chapter mentioned Burke, Bailey, Webber, and Shepherd but hardly had any Cristina. 
> 
> What a weird life, I know. But We had a Cristina chapter yesterday and she can't be everywhere at once I figure.
> 
> ANYWAYS, yes I am aware this cannot go on forever. We're getting to the crux of this story soon enough, bear with me for the journey. 
> 
> And of all the new things today I worked on before this, it was mostly the work "In Another Life, I Would Be Your Girl" a new post, that deals with a rarepair hypothetical relationship between Addison and Arizona (And also Arizona and Amelia) that might have taken place had they been at Johns Hopkins together in sophomore year med school. 
> 
> Plus some back editing on "Into the Fire" as well as others. 
> 
> So if you're into any of all that I'll be grateful for any satisfaction I can offer you. And as well I'm always on the prowl for new content to read (Grey's, F/F is all I ask) so feel free to self promote on here as well. 
> 
> Off to bed before I write another fanfiction accidentally in this A/N. BYE BYE NOW TILL TOMORROW !
> 
> -bobbiejelly


	16. Break On Through, Part Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey Addison, can I ask you one more thing?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here's another chapter for you lovely folks ALREADY, 
> 
> Only a brief 11 hours since the last update - what a RUSH !
> 
> See, sometimes I write the chapters out of order. 
> 
> There's lots of great stuff I had written for this before I knew-
> 
> Before I knew how the pieces would fit together and how it's-
> 
> Well becoming more of a mystery novel now/slow burn romance/friendship/angst/hurt-comfort/
> 
> You know what? I have no clue either. 
> 
> But writing this story has been one of the great joys of my life.
> 
> And I'm so glad that you're all here reading it along with me.
> 
> So go, dive in.

**_Previously, on “Falling Apart, Barely Breathing”:_ ** ****

* * *

_“Maybe you’ll meet a better boy or girl for yourself at Joe's or that Alex will sharpen up.” she laughs. And Izzie laughs too and notices how Addison hadn’t only said to her boy OR girl, but both._

_“Izzie says hey maybe I’ll ask Joe to point out someone who’s confessed their life tragedy to him. I bet he has all the best stories about EVERYONE” Izzie cheers up with a grin._

_Addison says that “he sure probably does after all of these years”. And Addison sighs._

_Addison realizes she REALLY needs to go to the bar tonight to tell Joe not to tell Meredith not to tell any of the other interns or her husband that she took Meredith home that night and tucked_ _her in bed when he’d called only one cab for them both. And then she realizes the more she says that whole monologue in her head, that she’s starting to sound more and more insane._

* * *

**Chapter 16: Break On Through, Part Six**

* * *

“Hey Addison, can I ask you one more thing” Izzie pulls Addison out of her reverie and shifts uncomfortably.

‘ _What could Izzie possibly be asking me. NOW.’_ Addison thinks to herself.

“Maybe, I might not answer.” Addison shrugs noncommittally. 

“What did it feel like?” Izzie begins her question before Addison catches on.

“To kiss Cristina Yang?” she finally says, simply.

Addison chokes for a minute and tries rather unsuccessfully to cover it up with a cough. 

Izzie only looks at her with intent as her eyes glaze over a bit as Addison _tries_ to recover. 

* * *

_Addison is reliving the experience of the raven-haired intern shoving her tongue down her throat and her soft lips caressing Addison’s. She’s decided that kissing a woman is different than kissing a man and that she can’t help but wonder what… other women tasted like..._

_Addison could see her lipstick on Cristina’s lips after that and it made her feel a bit guilty. Not that she had anything to be guilty about, right???_

_‘Well, I mean you’re technically still married’_

_‘Yeah, but that’s not what you’re feeling guilty about, now is it?’_

_‘Right. I was thinking about how I wished it was Meredith shoving her tongue down my throat.’_

_‘Ah, yes. The lusty intern you can’t seem to get out of your head. You’re really into her aren’t you?’_

_‘Oh, god shut UP. Christ, I am ATTRACTED to her. Because she’s always empathetic, she sees lines between good and evil that shine a light on the darkest days, she’s undeniably sexy. She’s a talented surgeon who has a way with patients. She brought ME some Cheetos which I started to like. She’s funny, witty, always seems to smell like lavender and I just, can’t get enough of her’_

_‘Wow, that was a real Nicholas Sparks monologue there, you might be gayer than Ellen DeGeneres if you keep going like this at that rate’_

_‘There is no GOING like this. I’m not GOING anywhere. I am MARRIED. God, I really need to be not married anymore. I am SO going to call the lawyers to file the paperwork this evening with Derek. I just can't STAND having to have his name attached to mine anymore. No, sir.’_

_‘You can’t stand being married to Derek because you want your shot at dating Meredith and you don’t want to be a cheater anymore.’ says her thoughts._

_‘Well actually I can’t stand Derek as well so that’s ALSO the point, but yes, if I ever wanted to, hypothetically speaking, make any advances towards my soon-to-be-ex-husband's-ex-girlfriend/mistress then yes, a divorce would be necessary’_

_‘You realize that this “fatal attraction” type puppy crush has got you sweating out of your skin almost 24/7 now. To the point that it’s getting INSANE, right? I mean you were just fantasizing about her tongue down your throat while standing in front of your OTHER intern. You know, the blonde one who used your keys to move your car this morning when you parked in a red zone.”_

_‘You know, the one who is standing RIGHT THERE STILL WAITING ON AN ANSWER’_

_‘Shit’_

* * *

‘SHIT’ Addison swears as she breaks out of her internal dialogue. God, she had to stop having those at such inopportune times. 

“KISSING CRISTINA WAS SHIT FOR YOU?! Jesus, Addison” Izzie swears at her using her first name before her eyes open up wide when she knows she’s wrong and she tries to backtrack immediately.

“Oh, no, no, I am so sorry I didn’t mean to say that” Addison forgives her and doesn’t mention her cursing. 

“Oh” is all Izzie says back and then she’s staring right at her again as if she was trying to get a better answer. 

"Why? Why do you want to know? Why this, why now? Addison asks of Izzie. 

“I just want to know what your first experience kissing a woman was like. I won’t tell anyone else about it. I won’t tell Cristina what you say no matter what so you can be honest, I promise.” Izzie reassures. 

_No, Izzie would DEFINITELY NOT be telling Cristina Yang about this. Not about the fact that she’s talking to Addison now about how Cristina’s lips must have tasted on hers. And how she’s maybe, okay, REALLY high-key jealous that Addison had gotten to kiss on Cristina, and she hadn’t._

“Well…” Addison hesitates because she wonders how on EARTH she has become the kind of Attending physician who was about to describe how her intern’s lips felt when they were sucking her lips into them while she was on her _lap._

* * *

_But then Addison goes on because she also realizes that Izzie really seems to want an answer, and not for a porny reason like to fantasize about after, but because she seems to care about Addison’s feelings about it all and she seems like she genuinely just wants to know._

  
  


_And besides of which, her own Ex-Husband was the kind of Attending who had been screwing an intern while still being married and not even telling her (the McBastard he was), Preston Burke was the kind of Attending who knocked another intern up and then was apparently so awful that she felt she had to HIDE IT, from him until she collapsed and nearly died._

_And Richard Webber Chief of Surgery was no saint at all, either. Even SHE had known about his life-defining affair with the one Doctor Ellis Grey which had lasted for YEARS, which he thought no one else ever knew about. (But everyone had known about it. Even Adele Webber had known about it. And she talked to Addison about it and that’s how Addison knew.)_

_Was that why she felt sorry for Meredith Grey? Because she never really had a clear family because her mother was off having an affair with the Chief of Surgery and her father, Thatcher Grey was too dim-witted and drunk to even recognize it for what it was? Because she felt pity for this girl who was sort of like Richard Webber - Still her friend now - His kind of transplanted daughter?_

_No, that can’t be right, Addison thinks better of this to herself. Addison hadn’t thought about Richard Webber and Ellis Grey in years and years. She thinks that maybe all of this is why she and Adele became friends because they both felt so lonely when their husbands didn’t come home. And maybe how she and Richard became close friends because they could relate to each other because they had both been having affairs. God, was she like some kind of GO-TO-GIRL-ABOUT-ADULTERY-NOW?_

_I mean, technically, that kiss with Cristina was adultery too because she and Derek hadn’t signed and sent in their divorce papers yet. But whatever. It’s not like Derek was ever coming back to her anyways. No, that she’d want him to. Not when she could maybe have Meredith Grey alongside her instead… Jesus, Addison. You REALLY have to get it together at work…_

* * *

“Kissing Cristina was good.” Addison deadpans. At Izzie's raised eyebrow she continues for a second.

“She’s a good kisser. End of story.” Addison adds curtly.

“Did you like it, enjoy it… With her… I mean with a woman... The kissing… I mean….”

_Izzie trails off because she’s asked the question she’d wanted to ask and tried to cover it up with the other question she should have asked first… Not that she should be asking Addison any of this at all, but was it really so obvious she was asking because she wanted Cristina…?_

“Well, yes. I did enjoy kissing a woman I guess. Thanks for checking in and asking, Izzie” Addison says with a shrug. 

_Tell me if you’d want to do it again? With her? Would You? Would SHE?_

“Cristina doesn’t want to kiss me again, by the way, for whatever that’s worth to you,” Addison says, as she can feel Izzie’s eyes asking her silently in a question she can’t seem to make herself form. 

“She told me that, after. Cristina did. Just so you know. She’s not into me. It was more of a just for a game or a dare sort of thing.” Addison says so Izzie is clear.

The last thing that Addison needs now is for the whole hospital to think that she’s suddenly pining over Cristina Yang. Because THAT would be ten tonnes of effed up right there.

* * *

_Because then it could get around to Meredith who might think she doesn’t want her_ ... _Addison thinks in her head before she can stop herself. And that, that right there. That for some reason that Meredith Grey might think that even if she’s into women - now - was already - is? Anyways, that even if she’d be willing to kiss another woman again-_

_For Meredith Grey to think that Addison is single. Ready to mingle, and not wanting to mingle with HER just because she kissed Cristina Yang on a dare - THAT, was the new scariest thought that started to mill about back and forth through Addison’s racing mind._

_THAT would be so much worse, even, than Meredith finding out about the note, her previous worst fear on earth. WOW. Ok, Addison. Glad to know you’re not afraid of bombings or drownings or shootings or car crashes or plane crashes or electrocution sinkholes or fires._

_It’s real good to know you have all your priorities straight. Or gay. Or bisexual. Or WHATEVER._

* * *

  
  


“Why are you asking me this Stevens? Is this a proposition? Because I really don’t think that this is a good way to ask a girl out” Addison says to her, teasing her gently to lighten the mood. All in the while hoping to god that she’s correct in guessing that Izzie did NOT have a ‘thing for her’.

“No, I’m not propositioning you” Izzie laughs and exclaims all of the sudden, to Addison’s relief.

“I mean like, not that I do find you attractive, as a person and as ah- a woman. Don’t take that wrong. It’s just that I really want to be on your specialty and I don’t want to date my boss.” she stammers. 

_And Addison is at least mostly convinced by now, that at the very least the good that has come out of this very inappropriate conversation which she was also sort of enjoying in a weird way along with Izzie Stevens, was that at least she knew then that this intern was not going to pine over her endlessly._

_And she already knew from Cristina that SHE had a thing for Izzie now, which Addison was being super careful not to give away in her answers, either. And so among Bailey’s interns, that just left Karev, O’Malley, and Grey. And she would turn down both of those boys in a heartbeat if it would give her even the slimmest fighting chance to be with Doctor Meredith Grey…_

* * *

“And also, I have my eye on- on someone else that’s all” Izzie says to her shyly.

_Perfect! Addison’s brain is just screaming at her out loud now. Now I know all of the girl doctors at Seattle Grace now other than me are not interested in me except for Doctor Grey who just might be someday. SCORE!..._

_And maybe now Addison would get to tease Izzie just a little bit for fun here and there. Somehow she’s feeling that being on this side of the equation was much more of a satisfying experience than being on the other end of it as she previously had been all before._

“Are you going to tell me who IS? Addison asks her with a smug sort of look.

“Maybe?” Izzie’s motioning her to offer her something in return for that information.

_God damn these interns are clever, Addison thinks to herself. I wonder if Grey is this smart..._

“I’ll put you with Cristina Yang on 2 Pyloric Stenosis babies once we schedule them if you tell me who your secret love-interest is” Addison offers with a generous huff, she’s not actually annoyed, just amused. 

* * *

_And the way Izzie’s face lights up bright the moment Addison mentions her name, Addison knows right away it’s Cristina she’s thinking about, and that’s why Izzie was asking Addison about kissing Cristina, and that’s why she was being so shifty earlier. Good, at least she’s not still trying to figure out information about the damn note thing again._

“It’s Cristina,” Izzie says to her finally, mimicking Addison’s thoughts about it exactly.

“Well that works out well for you, now doesn’t it,” Addison says with a grin without missing a beat.

“Yes and no.” Izzie hesitates all vulnerable again. It’s great to spend time with her, but I don’t know how she feels about me yet. And with her being in the room and you KNOWING the whole time while we’re in the room, it’s just…” and Izzie trails off again.

“YOU CAN'T TELL HER!” Izzie exclaims with a yell to her, pleading for some understanding.

_The irony washes over Addison, but she’s glad that this time she has the upper hand. And that also she secretly knows that somehow, she doesn’t think Cristina liking Izzie back is going to be any sort of problem whatsoever, based on what Cristina Yang had already said to her. Go Izzie!_

“I won’t but you better be prepared, medically, I mean,” Addison says to her seriously.

“And I swear to god, Izzie if your flirting gets in the way of the patient care I’m kicking you off of the case do you hear me,” Addison says to her with a slight piercing glare, so that Izzie knows that she’s speaking in her _Attending Physician and Teacher Voice, not her ‘sort of your buddy voice’._

“YES OF COURSE!” Izzie exclaims to her with almost a shout. “I WILL BE SOOOO READY”

“And treat Cristina right. I mean, if she goes out with you and all. Or even if she doesn’t.” Addison says, her eyes softening into something that’s full of sincerity and compassion. 

“She’s a good friend to you. I don’t want you to lose touch with that. She’s been so supportive and there for all of you, (Us, myself included...), and so are you, too. The five of you interns share an unbreakable bond. It’s one of the closest classes of Interns I’ve seen in my lifetime. It’s truly something MAGIC-al” Addison says to her.”

“Really?” Izzie says to her with both pride and joy as Addison nods at her in silent confirmation.

“I don’t want to see any of you getting hurt,” Addison says to her, ever so softly.

* * *

_And the pain and the heartbreak that shines through Addison’s eyes into Izzie’s makes Izzie want to say the same thing right back to her for some reason, but she just can’t bring herself to say it to her, because she can’t quite figure out why it would ever be as relevant._

* * *

_And Izzie nods to her slowly, showing she truly understands what Addison means, and she promises to treat Izzie well and to keep her friends close to her so they stick together._

“And for what it’s worth, I think you’d have a better time with her, than with any of the boys.” Addison lightens now, her angst and her worries all washing away from her face. 

“Yeah? Really?” Asks Izzie hopefully.

“I do,” says Addison genuinely without having to think about it at all.

* * *

“We accept the love that we think we deserve, Doctor Stevens” Addison says to her-

_In the same exact way, in the same tone of voice, she remembers she told Meredith that first night. And in the same way Cristina had said to her just the other day. And all of those instances did not make the sentence any less powerful or any less relevant to everyone than the other times._

“Thank you, Doctor Montgomery,” Izzie says to her right back. 

“I think I really needed to hear that today,” Izzie says with a hush. 

* * *

“I have one last question for YOU,” Addison says with a tease in her voice again.

“What?” Izzie indulges her, it’s the least she can do seeing as Addison said she’d keep her crush a secret, all but set her up with her in a procedure. 

“Do you like Vietnamese food? Maybe you don’t, and that’s VERY okay, see I happen to have a restaurant recommendation from someone I know, but I don’t know if I like Vietnamese or if it’s a good place to take someone for dinner, so I want someone else to take someone there first for Vietnamese... But I also heard from someone else it wasn’t that good… Addison trails off as she thinks maybe her gentle nudge . _away_ from the Vietnamese food might have backfired....

“Vietnamese isn’t exactly my favorite but thank you Addison” Izzie says with a shrug.

“Do you happen to know of any really good Italian places though?” Izzie asks earnestly.

“I do,” Addison says with relief. “There’s one on main just south of second street” she adds.

“Thanks so much Doctor Montgomery” Izzie says to her earnestly.

“You’re welcome Izzie,” Addison says to her, pleased. “Have a really good evening”

Addison hopes sincerely that it’s Cristina she’s planning to take out on her date, and that it all works out for them.

Both Cristina and Izzie have been really good to Addison since she’s moved here.

It was funny to say that, them being only her interns and all. But she felt like she was starting to bond with them, in a professional yet friendly kind of way.

Addison really hopes that it’ll last. She really DOES care for her students.

* * *

Speaking of students though, Addison’s mind snaps to how astute her students are and how at least one of them knows her secret magical identity as Meredith’s ‘mystery man’,

And Joe would remember that she was with Meredith too - AHHHH.

_‘How could I not have thought of telling Joe not to say anything’_ Addison thinks to herself in a panic.

God, covering up a whole secret Identity was _so_ much more work than covering up an affair had been when she was with Mark behind Derek’s back all those years ago.

_‘Maybe it was because you were in it together with the mystery person in hiding’_ Addison thinks to herself as she considers this. ‘ _But in all things considered, this is a really stupid thing to be thinking about_ ‘Addison sighs at herself. 

God, she really needed to get to Joe’s before all those interns did. 

“I hope I will, and no problem with the car thing. I know you probably wouldn’t want to be drinking with your interns, but say hello to us at Joe's tonight if you see us there tonight after dinner tonight. Me and Meredith and Cristina and etc are all going and we want to ask Joe some important questions and ask him for a special favor.” Izzie says to her without the telltale signs of a smirk at least.

Though Izzie HAS been asking her more and more personal questions all day.

And it has been a while since the incident at hand, but Addison isn’t so sure that Joe’s even the setting won’t bring all of Meredith’s memories completely back to life again.

Addison has no idea what _other i_ mportant information Joe might have to dole out to the interns, but she’s sure as hell going to speed out of the scrub room as soon as she could to find out. 

“Ah, right. See you there I guess” Addison says.

As Izzie jumps off the O.R. stool, leaving her alone in the scrub room.

* * *

And Addison thinks that she might now be utterly and totally, _screwed._

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

******* END OF CHAPTER 16**

* * *

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, yeah, yeah, 
> 
> So nothing and a lot of things just happened just now. 
> 
> Izzie and Addison talk. That's pretty much it.
> 
> But there was a lot of background and setup that needs to happen,
> 
> In the last few chapters. Pretty much I consider all these,
> 
> "Break On Through" chapters to be like one really really long,
> 
> To be sort of fluffy and light and world-building, for fun and side plots.
> 
> I promise that I will be moving the plot along more in the next while!
> 
> But until now, I'd love to hear your thoughts and predictions !
> 
> Your reviews MAKE MY LIFE and make the story possible, to begin with.
> 
> SO HAVE A GOOD DAY PEOPLE, AND SEE YOU IN THE COMMENTS.


	17. Break On Through, Part Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So she’s standing in front of the vending machines again , trying to feed it her dollar. But for whatever reason, the machine just doesn’t seem to want to give her anything that she wants...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks I know this is short but I think you'll enjoy.  
> We've all earned this one.  
> Hoping to move the story along soon enough :)

* * *

**Chapter 17: Break on Through, Part Seven**

  
  


* * *

By the time Addison finishes her clean-up after Izzie Stevens leaves her along in the prep room, Addison is completely starving. She’s craving salt and sugar again, and embarrassingly enough she has no more of those snacks from the other day still stored in her office. 

She’d munched on all of those while nervously imagining hypothetical conversations she may or may never have with the Meredith Grey. And while she’s been freaking out internally about all of this, Addison has been burning through all those raw calories like a bonfire. 

So she’s standing in front of the vending machines _again_ , trying to feed it her dollar. But for whatever reason, the machine just doesn’t seem to want to give her anything that she wants.

“Motherfucker!” Addison curses loudly at the vending machine, kicking it slightly with the tip of her high-heeled shoes. 

“Jeez, what did it do to you, now?” Addison hears a voice call out to her teasingly behind her and she swivels around to see who is behind her. She’s startled because she instantly recognizes the sweet voice of the blonde and she’s somehow overjoyed now to hear it directed at her. 

So Addison spins around herself, albeit much too fast apparently for these 6-inch Prada pump heels. She’s extremely off-balance now and she feels like she’s heading right for the ground. “Ahh” she screams out involuntarily as the world starts to whiz right around her. 

“Oh, Addie, watch out” Meredith calls out to her as she’s heading to hit her head hard on the wall. “Steady” Meredith soothes her as Addison feels a small but strong pair of arms wrap around her waist tightly. “Relax” Meredith coos at her so she stops tensing her body up. 

Addison listens to Meredith’s recommendation and stops struggling. She sinks into Meredith’s arms as Meredith steadies her back on her feet again. Addison just barely manages to not fall over.

As Meredith holds her, so tightly for a moment Addison’s body stops spinning but her mind starts spinning even faster and faster than before. A flurry of emotions fly through Addison’s brain as she indulges herself in how _damn good_ her body just _fits_ inside of Meredith’s smaller one. 

Meredith’s head rests so sweetly into the crook of Addison’s neck and Addison can’t stop herself before she’s pulling the Grey girl closer and wrapping her arms in return around Meredith’s back and shoulders. She can feel Meredith tuck her head now, into the space right above her chest. 

Addison inhales sharply as she regains her balance. The cool scent of lavender invades all her senses. Addison feels suddenly like she's gotten a bit drunk off of the sweetness of how Meredith smells and feels to her and all of this makes Addison cling onto Meredith even more.

* * *

Meredith nuzzles herself into Addison’s chest and her eyes are closed lightly as she holds Addison as she stops swaying back and forth. She can feel Addison’s heartbeat as she presses her ear to listen to it. It was beating fast before when she caught her, but now Meredith feels Addison’s heart rate speed up even more _(as her own does as well…)_

Sensing that Addison is a bit nervous around her but not willing to pull away from her just yet, Meredith rubs soothing circles on Addison’s back in an attempt to calm her down after her unfortunate near-fall.

_(From her height of 5’10’’, Meredith thinks, Addison having hit her head on the way - had Meredith not having been there to catch her, that is -would have been reason enough to have needed to have gotten Addie here a DAMN head CT!)_

* * *

Meredith so close to her now, Addison thinks to herself. She is closer to her than she’s ever physically been before, even more than that first night when Addie held up Mer’s hair and sat next to the girl on the floor. Addison has never had a reason to _hug_ Meredith before now. 

Not that this was a _hug_ per se but it certainly involved Addison running her hands around Meredith’s teeny waist and even lifting her up slightly onto her toes because factoring in her high heels she’s at least half a foot taller than the blonde intern.   
  
  


* * *

The heat of Addison’s body against Meredith’s own made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside. She would stay here all day next to Addison if it meant she could keep feeling her back smooth over under her touch, and if it meant that Addison would keep holding her waist so nice.

And Meredith thinks to herself Addison really DOES smell like brown sugar and spice because she can feel her perfume, as well as her natural scent and the combination, is driving Meredith just the teensiest bit more insane. She inhales as sharply as she can into Addison without being suspicious. She allows the warm air to soothe all her senses. It made Meredith feel so _alive_.

* * *

  
  


And as much as both Addison and Meredith might have liked that this moment be endless, this moment in time it was destined to end. The rustling of feet coming closer down the hall caused them to snap back to reality and push away from each other suddenly, and fix their clothes. 

They stepped away from each other, two more steps as they tried to look nonchalant about it. But the deep reddening onto both of their faces showed that what happened meant something so different entirely. “Ah-” Addison starts with a false start. “Th-thanks” Addison stutters again. _Ohmygod!_

* * *

“Maybe you need something more substantial in your stomach,” Meredith says to her compassionately. _(As if it were not completely absurd that an underfed intern would be the one to nudge Addison about her healthy eating habits which have become slightly less healthy, as of late._

“Maybe you might need to pace yourself and build up a bit more of a tolerance- Since eating all of these Cheetos all of the sudden seems to make it so hard for you to just walk straight, Doctor Montgomery,” Meredith says to her, completely and genuinely concerned for her and not smirking.

She’s staring up at Addison’s face now, in awe a bit but also in… friendship?

_(Addison can’t quite place Meredith’s expression and she starts to fumble with the money in her hand and in her pocket again as she tries to remember what the heck she was even standing there in front of her for in the first place.)_

“Here, let me,” Meredith offers to her, holding her hand out flat and exposing her palm.

“Coins,” Meredith insists at her as if she were asking her for a scalpel.

“Coins,” Addison says to her, placing them in her palm, a sly smile tugging at the corners of her lips. 

“So are you sure you want Cheetos again if they make you go crazy and walk into the walls?” Meredith glances, NOW smirking at her. 

“I’ve resigned myself to eating out all of the Cheetos because if I try to retrain myself I’ll just end up craving them anyhow. And the withdrawal appears to be more of a hindrance than the indulgence” Addison explains so simply to Meredith. 

“Well I guess then it’s good that you’re starting to learn what you like,” Meredith says to her with a slightly shy grin. 

  
  


* * *

“How about you Grey, you getting any Cheetos these days?” Addison asks her blankly.

“Ah, I’m not getting as much Cheetos as I’d like to, these days, but I guess that a treat with you now, couldn’t hurt anyone,” she says cheerfully.

“But you don’t have to buy them for me anymore, not today at least. It’s too much, already, what you done for me- us- my friends. I- I- Thank-you” Meredith fumbles as well with her coin and she can’t quite figure out why. 

“It’s no problem Grey, it’s my pleasure indeed,” Addison says to her more formally now that there are others wandering the hallways. 

She lets Meredith pay for her own food this time though, sensing and understanding the blonde’s need to assert to herself- and enjoying and admiring her independence and strength. 

* * *

“Wanna go eat out our Cheetos together???” Meredith asks with a high pitch squeal.

“I think I might need a soda first Grey’ Addison only laughs at her squeal.

  
“Truth be told, I knew I was hungry before but I’m getting quite thirsty” she shrugs.

“Here, diet sodas on me!” Meredith rushes to the other vending machine. 

“Sure can you get me a Diet Doctor Pepper?” Addison asks her, deciding that she should let Meredith treat her more often if it made her so happy.

“Sure! I’ll get one too and two straws and then we can go slurp our ‘Doctor’s together” Meredith exclaims with a shout.   
  


* * *

(Before Meredith realizing the potential of the double-entendre of what she just said. And as the realization of the double meaning of her words sinks right into her head... )

Addison can see Meredith’s face change from bright red to white back to blush again as she shifts awkwardly over to hand Addison her soda.

But then she recovers tremendously even before Addison does and she smirks wide and far before leaning close into Addison’s ear:

“Thank goodness you suggested we get sodas as well Doctor Montgomery” she hushes. 

“Because my thirst has been gnawing at my whole body _all morning long._ ” she finishes her sentence. She’s so close to Addison’s ear now she’s practically biting it and Addison can feel the warm touch of Meredith’s breath on her neck.

It raises her goosebumps all over her skin and it makes Addison shiver with anticipation.

But the moment was gone now, as fast as it’d come. 

Before Addison could open her eyes she hadn’t noticed that they were closing, Meredith Grey had already begun stalking down the hallway in search of those straws.

* * *

“When do you get off Addie?” Meredith tries using Derek’s nickname for her to see if she would notice.

“Ah-” _(In about maybe two minues- IF THAT if you were just keeping like, all of THAT up.)_

“Ah- I- Get-Off- Ugh- Ah” _(Addison stands with her mouth quiet agape before closing it firmly to mumble out)_ “My shift ends at eight.” Addison finally deadpans.

“Well that sounds lucky for you,” Meredith says to her, chipper. Not catching Addison almost say something that seems kinda vaguely inappropriate.

“We’re all going to Joe’s sooner or later we might see you there then since you’re going to be getting off so early” Meredith concludes.

“Right,” Addison answers simply, not trusting herself to speak more than one syllable at a time. 

“OOPS, gotta run! My pager just went off and I better get those scans up before Bailey yells at me more!” Meredith exclaims suddenly.

“Goodluck” Addison says to her _(in both MASSIVE disappointments as well as relief,)_ as Meredith Grey starts turning away from her now.

“We’ll eat Cheetos and slurp on Doctor’s together some other time!” Meredith looks over her shoulder and promises her in a huff. 

* * *

  
  


_(Mmm, you bet we will Grey… Addison’s mind goes THERE all the way.)_

_(God, Addie get it together you got to stop thinking about Grey getting you naked every time that she sees you got that look on your face.)_

_(She’s going to see it soon you know if she’s not seen it already.)_

_(Wait didn’t she just call you Addie a bunch - your NICKNAME reserved for your family and close friends and you just didn’t notice till now how you liked the sound of it rolling off of her lips.)_

_(But maybe shouldn’t you have said something to her about all those double-entendres she was clearly making at you and you were hardly not at all encouraging her.)_

_(Are you actually so turned on right now just having been half-hugged by this woman, inhaled her shampoo and heard like four sentences come out of her mouth?)_

_(SERIOUSLY are you though? Because you seem all hot and bothered and uptight since - a while now and you ARE actually walking to walls at your workplace.)_

_(You can’t walk straight in a line to save your damn life when you hear her and you’re probably feeling a little tight in those panties just about now. You might actually explode if you don’t do SOMETHING about that.)_

_(You REALLY should do something about that. Either GIVE INTO IT AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF - you're a big girl, Addie, now - or go get some cold water right on your face because you look all fucked out now and you haven't even had a damn kiss with her yet.)_ _  
  
_

_(Wait what the fuck was that YET happening in that last sentence. God you’re still waiting on the lawyers for the god damned divorce and you’re already thinking about ways to kiss the Grey girl.)_

_  
__(God, Addie you really ARE such a whore. Or maybe just sexual. Or maybe that you’re just GREY-SEXUAL. Who knows? But either way, you better get it together now, because here comes Chief Webber and Bailey and Burke.)_

* * *

  
  


“ADDIE” Richard Webber waves over at as Addison smiles back at him. _(But the term of endearment does not fall oh, so nearly as sweetly falling off of HIS lips -or from ANYONE ELSES at all for that matter, indeed...)_

“Well you sure look like you’re in a good mood today” he smiles at you too. _(And that smile and everyone else’s smiles are not as eclipsing as compared to Grey’s, to her now.)_

  
“Well, I just got some Cheetos and slur- drank some Diet Doctor Pepper so I’m all good to go again-” ( _Addison stops talking before she starts saying things she really shouldn’t again)_

“Oh well that’s great then you can help out with our help with a consult,” Richard says to her still smiling brightly. _(Shit I really AM turned so way the fuck on. How the hell am I even supposed to OPERATE being this all turned on during a WORKDAY no less? GOD ADDIE, GET IT TOGETHER FOR FUCKS SAKE-)_

“Ah- Ok I will be right. I just have to get a drink I’m so thirsty” Addison fumbles _(Great, now you’re even being weird now in front of YOUR BOSS. FUCK ME SIDEWAYS.)(ITS JUST AN EXPRESSION NOW SUBCONSCIOUS BRAIN. NO NEED TO IMAGINE MEREDITH GREW SCREWING YOU SIDEWAYS. OR FRONTWAYS. OR TAKING YOU FROM THE BEHIND LIKE YOU WANT HER TO-)_

“Didn’t you just say you drank a Doctor Pepper?” Richard asks her, seeing her right through her lies. “I can’t have you running off to the washroom every ten minutes during surgery now you know that now Addie,” Richard says in a gentle tone. _(Holy god he’s actually right about that one I really can’t concentrate I need to figure at least something out! Or Richard’s gonna see what I’m fumbling around all about and then he’s definitely going to freak the hell out...at me...)_

“Right, of course, Richard. Just let me go to the washroom first so that won’t be a problem.” Addison recovers, _(Mostly.)_ rightly, finally.

“Meet me in O.R. Two when you’re done. We have a semi-urgent patient to work on with Doctors Burke, Bailey and Shepherd. I expect you can all be on your very best behavior even given the circumstances.” ( _OH. SHIT. BAILEY. BURKE. AND GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. DEREK!)_

Richard says this with a sort of a tense tone this time. Because he can’t feel what’s going on with Addie for real, all he can feel is that Addie is nervous and when’s starting to shake a bit. HE blames this all on her history with -Shepherd. ( _This time. At least. Addie sure got herself lucky there. Well she DIDN’T get lucky and that was the point. YOU ARE REALLY NOT GOING TO STOP GOING THERE TODAY ARE YOU YOU GODFORSAKING MOTHERFUCKING BRAIN.)_

“Of course Richard,” Addison says very politely. “You know I always do my job right.” She adds on. _(Well if Richard wants nice I’ll play NICER than Derek, you’ll see.)_

“That you do very well, Addison,” Richard says to her in a compliment. “You always have, and that’s why I always want to keep you around.” He says sweetly. _(AWE!)_

And Addison smiles up at him before rushing off as fast as she can to splash some goddamned cold water down her face.

* * *

_(As Addison ponders then, idly to herself, that it’s good Richard Webber still likes me a heck of a lot - because he’s basically a transplanted Dad to Meredith Grey….)_

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

******* END OF CHAPTER 17**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOOOF  
> That was a WHOLE lotta fun right there.  
> But ADDIE operating with Bailey, Richard, Burke and DEREK?  
> Now that just sounds UNCOMFORTABLE to say the very least.  
> YIKES.
> 
> (That's my task for tomorrow morning, have a good one all you lovely fans!)
> 
> Leave me a note every review makes me open this document to write more :D


	18. Break On Through, Part Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Addison needed a win today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, as promised here it is.  
> I'm pleased with this one actually,  
> Had not planned this one out.  
> But it's sweet and it's all for you.  
> Hope you enjoy!

**_PREVIOUSLY ON “FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING”:_ **

* * *

“ADDIE” Richard Webber waves over, as Addison smiles back at him.

“Well you sure look like you’re in a good mood today” he smiles at you too. 

“Well, I just got some Cheetos and slur- drank some Diet Doctor Pepper so I’m all good to go again-” 

“Oh well that’s great then you can help out with our help with a consult,” Richard says to her still smiling brightly. 

“Ah- Ok I will be right. I just have to get a drink I’m so thirsty” Addison fumbles 

“Didn’t you just say you drank a Doctor Pepper?” Richard asks her, seeing her right through her lies. “I can’t have you running off to the washroom every ten minutes during surgery now you know that now Addie,” Richard says in a gentle tone. 

“Right, of course, Richard. Just let me go to the washroom first so that won’t be a problem.” Addison recovers, rightly, finally.

“Meet me in O.R. Two when you’re done. We have a semi-urgent patient to work on with Doctors Burke, Bailey and Shepherd. I expect you can all be on your very best behavior even given the circumstances.” _(OH. SHIT. BAILEY. BURKE. AND GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. DEREK!)_

Richard says this with a sort of a tense tone this time. Because he can’t feel what’s going on with Addie for real, all he can feel is that Addie is nervous and starts to shake a bit. HE blames this all on her history with -Shepherd. 

“Of course Richard,” Addison says very politely. “You know I always do my job right.” She adds on. _(Well if Richard wants nice I’ll play NICER than Derek, you’ll see.)_

“That you do very well, Addison,” Richard says to her in a compliment. “You always have, and that’s why I always want to keep you around.” He says sweetly. _(AWE!)_

And Addison smiles up at him before rushing off as fast as she can to splash some goddamn cold water down her face.

_(As Addison ponders then, idly to herself, that it’s good Richard Webber still likes me a heck of a lot - because he’s basically a transplanted Dad to Meredith Grey….)_

* * *

**Chapter 18: Break On Through, Part Eight**

* * *

_(Addison huffs as she rubs on her forearms in the scrub room. ‘The last thing that I needed today was to be in an operating room with Richard Webber, Preston Burke and my REALLY soon to be ex-husband Derek Shepherd. The very last thing she wanted today.)_

_(At the very least, at least Bailey will be there to keep me company and hopefully, to dispel some of the tension’. Addison sighs inwardly at that one. At least she won’t be the only female..)._

_(Plus, there’s also the nagging feeling that I’m forgetting something here. Oh right - I am. I’m forgetting that as we speak, the interns are probably finishing up most of their days and they will be heading off to - what - go out for dinner? Have dinner at home? Go drinking?_ **_Go to Joe’s_** _.)_

 **“JOE’s”** Addison curses aloud. 

“Huh?” Miranda Bailey asks, looking up at Addison rather expectantly.

“Oh- I- I went out to Joe’s a while back and I forgot something important there. I just remembered I have to call Joe- Or go to Joe’s right after work” Addison says to Bailey who seems to accept it. 

“Glad to see you’re building a life for yourself here in Seattle,” Bailey says to her genuinely.

“Thanks, Bailey,” Addison says to her. You’re a good friend, you know.” Addison adds.

“I AM a good friend to my friends, of which I do consider you to be one of them. I am, however, on to you and your trickery Doctor Montgomery” Bailey says in her wonderful accent. 

“On to me about…” Addison feigns ignorance because she’s not so sure what inappropriate feelings or behaviors she could be referring to and she doesn’t want to give - technically she should be Bailey’s boss seeing as Addison is an Attending and Bailey is only a _resident._

But She’s Bailey, so everyone knows that in the grand order of things, that Spiritually, Bailey is actually much far above pretty much everyone else at Seattle Grace Hospital. And that she has a way of knowing _everything_ about _everyone_ , this ability is limited to knowing things _all the damn time._

So if Addison had to be worried about anyone other than the interns figuring out her little tricks and games, it was going to be Bailey. God. ( _And here Addison thought she was grateful to have another woman in that O.R. to be a buffer for her against all the boys…)_

* * *

“I know you’ve been spending so much time with MY interns over this pregnant-not-pregnant man mystery case, but if you only play games with them they ain’t gonna learn nothing,” Bailey says to her with an eyebrow up.

“Right, sorry Bailey,” Addison says to her sheepishly, trying not to sound relieved that Bailey hadn’t said stop talking to Meredith Grey.

“No more free snacks for MY suck-ups, they’ be sucking up even more now” Bailey grins at her to let her know she’s not _actually_ mad after all. “Got it, no more snacks” Addison smiles back.

“Well, I’m done scrubbing in so I’d say you are because you started before me. I always scrub for at least 4 minutes and 36 seconds before surgery because I sing _“Think” by Aretha Franklin_ , at least two times, Bailey says as she walks out of the scrub room. ( _And so it begins_ , _Addison thinks to herself with a sigh.)_

* * *

“CLAMP” Derek is shouting at Addison _again_ as he tries to repair the damage inside of this patient again.

Of course, he’s not actually yelling at _Addison_ (at least not directly-that is) he’s yelling at the _scrub nurse_ which is _even worse_. It’s worse because she’s the best scrub nurse there even IS. 

And he’s taking her for granted and not even giving her a second of thought as he takes the instruments from her hands and yells for the moment to move over faster.

* * *

“ANOTHER CLAMP DAMNIT!” Derek is fuming right now. What he’s actually upset about not even Addison knows. But she knows him enough that she knows that it has nothing to do with the clamps or the nurse or the craniectomy he’s attempting right now. 

“WHY ARE YOU SO SLOW WITH THESE CLAMPS,” Derek says desperately at the nurse. 

“Derek calms down” Addison shouts at her then. She can’t stand seeing her bullied like this and Addison knows she can take him on.

“SHUT UP ADDIE,” Derek says to Addison now with a hiss. “CLAMP!” He calls out again to no one in particular.

“SHUT IT SHEP-” Even Richard Webber is yelling at Derek now. “There’s no need to berate nurse Bohkee over here now, she’s been by my side since before I was even a doctor and I will not have her being belittled by anyone in my O.R,” Richard says sensibly.

Addison mouths at him a silent “thank-you” before checking on the status of this female patient’s reproductive organs. 

* * *

“WATCH OUT SHE’S IN V-FIB,” Preston Burke says to them as he charges the internal paddles.

“CLEAR” Burke says loudly before everyone pulls their hands away. 

“SINUS TACH,” Bailey says to them all in relief as they watch the heart rate return to its normal rhythm again and oxygen saturation in the body climb higher and higher.

“Whew” Addison breathes out a sigh of relief as she checks out the patient again.

“Oh, no I think I might need to do some stitching” Addison finds there’s some damage to the outermost part of the cervix. 

“It’s okay we can work around you!” Doctor Burke smiles widely at Addison and it makes Addison feel a bit weird for a second as she frowns at his chipper expression. 

“Here I’ll help you retract” Bailey offers as Addison stitches up the loose flesh where it tore. 

“What lovely work and such lovely hands you have Addison” Burke is saying to her now. Something is _definitely_ weird now because she has never seen Preston Burke ever act this way-

Except for maybe when he was hitting on Cristina Yang-

* * *

Oh, no. Was Doctor Preston Burke _seriously_ hitting on her in the middle of an _operation!?_

_(You didn’t seem to mind at all when Meredith was being all flirty in front of a patient)_

_(Yeah but he wasn’t at risk of dying from bleeding out on the table at the time)_

_(That’s not why your mind and you know it Doctor Montgomery.)_

_(Shut UP not here not now while I’m working! I could kill this patient right here if I’m not careful.)_

_(At least even my innermost thoughts call me Doctor Montgomery when in an O.R.)_

_(SHUT IT!)_

* * *

“SHUT IT!” Addison yells involuntarily staring right into the body cavity now.

“God these should SHUT IT!” Addison recovers her speech as she plays that she was referring to the suture technique the whole time. _(Good one!) (ADDISON - 1, HER BRAIN SO FAR - 0)_

“Nice work Addie,” Richard says over her shoulder with a smile. Addison beams up at him, thinking it’s nice that someone thinks she’s been doing something right for a change.

“Have you been talking to Cristina at all” Burke is eyeing her with a meaningful glance.

_(Oh. That’s why he was sucking up then. HE wants ME to put in a good word with HER.)_

_(Meanwhile, ages ago I promised I’d put in a good word to HIM, about HER.)_

_(But that was before the whole breakup and the liking Izzie Stevens thing…)_

_(So what would Cristina Yang want me to do now???)_

Addison receives her answer to that question accidentally, as she rolls her eyes at the thought and ends up catching a glimpse of Doctor Yang in the gallery.

She shoots Cristina a sympathetic sort of look as a silent question of what she should say.

Cristina mouths the words “help me” to her in a panic, so she thinks that she’s understood Cristina still wants to be in on his surgeries, despite her not wanting to speak with him personally.

“Yes, I have been talking to Cristina, she says she’s been reading up on your next few cases and that she wants in on one,” Addison says to him curtly as Cristina quietly presses the intercom to listen in. 

“Well, you can tell Doctor Yang she can ask me herself” Burke just huffs at her angrily as Addison glances up to the gallery again.

Cristina’s insistent look and not subtle wink make Addison sigh now, because that’s their ‘secret signal’ for ‘get me what I want or I will show that damn note thing to Meredith’ so Addison continues to try to win Burke over. 

* * *

“Say, Preston, don’t you think that taking Yang on as a student again would show off your skills as an exceptional Attending” Addison puts on a sort of a mock flirty tone.

But he falls for it though because he seems to be considering it. 

And as an added unintentional benefit to this plan, Derek flashes with jealousy she hasn’t seen over her in almost over a decade. 

Addison knows it’s not healthy to feel pride this way, but she does. And it doesn’t mean at all that Addison want’s _DEREK_ back. But it’s about having power over him, making him feel more even after all of this mess. 

And it makes her feel desirable for the first time in a long time (coming from Derek at least.)

But she knows that this is not really about HER. It’s about the fact that she’s pressing him to set up the meeting with the lawyers. And about how his divorce might tarnish his ‘near perfect reputation.’

And it’s about how despite the fact that Derek doesn’t love her anymore and he has not in a while, that the simple fact is that Derek Shepherd liked that he _owned her_ in a sense, and that she was _off the market then and even now, away from everyone else._

And this thought angers Addison all over again. Because here she was keeping his dirty little secret about Mark and the Men, while he was over there still talking to Burke about how he still wanted to date Meredith.

And it took every ounce of restraint that Addison could find in her body not to go all of “say anything” on Derek Shepherd again because as much as she wanted to, she knew it wasn’t worth it if it wasn’t for the right reasons.

A part of Addison knew that Meredith had mentioned being done with Derek.

But a part of Addison knew that Meredith loved him once (as did she) and that feelings don’t always disappear right when one wants them to. 

* * *

_(Addie, you should give her a shot with him) Addison’s subconscious brain starts to think again._

_(You said you didn’t want someone who doesn’t want you back. So you better be sure that it’s you that she wants) Addison thinks deeply now._

_(But what if I lose her?) Addison thinks with a sad smile._

_(If she doesn’t want you you’re not going to push her a Derek did. You are better than that.)_

_(Addison’s thoughts explain to her soundly. )_

Yet the thought of potentially losing her chance with Grey forever seeps in deeply.

As Addison sews up her final stitch at the cervix she starts up once again, asking Burke about Cristina.

“If you say so Doctor Montgomery” Burke tries to show her his sexiest smile.

Addison’s gone the other route this time, complimenting _Cristina’s_ admittedly superior-for-an-intern surgical techniques, 

_(At least he’s not being all McGROSS with my now thinks Addison idly.)_

_(And she thinks she even sees Bailey and Webber smile up at her for her win for their Intern.)_

_(And she wonders what on earth Preston Burke’s McNAME would have been.)_

_(Because if abandoning his pregnant girlfriend because she was too scared he would make her keep it or make the decision for her was anything to say, she didn’t think even McBASTARD would have been a strong enough word for him.)_

_(Besides, McBASTARD has already been taken up by Addison’s soon to be ex-husband.)_

* * *

As Addison looks up at the gallery now, trying to shoot Cristina Yang a successful smile and an empathetic look, she’s not only met with Yang’s eyes but also many others she knows.

It takes every ounce of her being for Addison not to drop her scalpel when she sees all of Bailey’s interns looking down at their O.R. gig. 

Addison finds herself smiling, looking straight up into the eyes of Alex and Izzie and George who all nod down to her in approval. 

And as Cristina winks back at her and signs her a subtle thumbs-up, Addison can’t stop from looking. She’s looking for HER.

Addison wishes she could freeze at that moment in time.

The interns all up in the gallery cheering her on.

Richard and Bailey agree with her as she sticks up for nurse Bohkee.

Derek, looking a bit jealous she might finally move on from him.

Winning a win for Cristina - really because she actually wanted to not even because of the blackmail anymore. 

And all that is going on but it’s the farthest thing from her mind right now. 

* * *

Addison looking up at - _(Take a Random Guess Who?!)._

Who is also smiling? 

At HER. 

FOR HER.

JUST, AT HER!

With her bright beady eyes whispering “thank-you” along with her very best friend.

Just for Addison. _(I DID THAT! I MADE THAT ALL HAPPEN I MADE HER SMILE LIKE THAT!!!)_

If she could leave her a note right now it would surely be right to say-

“To Addison from Meredith, you did a good thing, Addie, for the Interns. Thank you, Addie, you just did a really good thing for my friend. You did a really great thing. A really good thing for me, too.” 

But it’s Meredith’s smile, brighter than all of those other bright smiles, 

That makes Addison’s heart melt, even more now than before. 

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

******* END OF CHAPTER 18**

* * *

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like having pretty much the entire cast of characters in the same place at one time again.  
> Because I did. I feel like I'm Grey's and I no longer write scenes about actual Medicine anymore.  
> So here you got to "scrub in" with them on this patient who I have no idea what was wrong with them.  
> Sorry I don't. I just listed off stuff I remember someone yelling during the O.R scenes to each other.  
> One after another LOL. But that's not the point. The point is that Burke's been put in his place,  
> So has Derek, and Richard and Bailey approve of Addison's methods.  
> And she's REALLY doing it for yang, the interns and Mer now.  
> Not just for the note. She's growing into someone the interns can trust.  
> And it's a really beautiful thing.
> 
> LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS !!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> AND QUESTIONS !
> 
> AND SECRET MUSINGS ABOUT GAY GREY'S!
> 
> \- Also I updated " out of the dark" just then today if you wanna read that it's pretty short, fluffier than this and crosses over with private practice and is also some MerAdd.
> 
> THANKS AGAIN !!!!


	19. Break On Through, Part Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can I ask you a question"  
> "WhatWasItLikeToKissAddison?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE WE GO

**_PREVIOUSLY ON “FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING”:_ **

* * *

Addison looking up at - _(Take a Random Guess Who)._

Who is also smiling! 

At HER. 

FOR HER.

JUST, AT HER.

With her bright beady eyes whispering “thank-you” along with her very best friend.

Just for Addison. _(I DID THAT! I MADE THAT ALL HAPPEN I MADE HER SMILE LIKE THAT!!!)_

If she could leave her a note right now it would surely be right to say-

“To Addison from Meredith, you did a good thing Addie for the Interns. Thank you Addie you just did a really good thing for my friend. You did a really great thing. A really good thing for me, too.” 

But it’s Meredith’s smile, brighter than all of those other bright smiles, 

That makes Addison’s heart melt, now, even more than before. 

* * *

**Chapter 19: Break On Through, Part Nine**

* * *

“Can I ask you a question?” Meredith says to Cristina while watching Addison _(Oh, and the other doctors)_ operate from the gallery. 

They’ve turned off their speakerphone now so they can hear the gentle murmurs from in the O.R., but the doctors below them can’t hear what THEY’RE saying.

Sensing what will come next, Cristina braces herself for this answer.

“WhatWasItLikeToKissAddison?” Meredith stutters as fast as she can.

“Say again?” Cristina whispers closer into her ear this time.

“What was it like to kiss _Addison_ ?” Meredith asks with a bit of a - _reverence_ \- when she pronounces Addison’s name to Cristina.

“Well…” Cristina looks into Mer’s big blue eyes, pausing before she begins.

* * *

“Addison is a very good kisser. She likes it when you suck on her bottom lip, and when you bite it. Her lips are soft and full. And she tastes like some sort of sugar and spice. It’s nice, really.”

Cristina gives a good answer, but she’s careful not to gush too much. Firstly, because she knows that Izzie is eyeing her careful now with a slight look of jealousy. Which, she doesn’t particularly mind, either. 

But mostly, Cristina is careful because she doesn’t want to seem like Addison was extremely into HER (Cristina), as she knows very well that this is not the case. And she doesn’t want to over-or under-sell the kissing abilities of their mutual boss.

Considering all of those nitty-gritty details makes Cristina’s head sort of ache, as she’s starting to grow weary of this whole ‘mystery-man-not-a-man-at-all’ game. And she’s looking into Meredith’s eyes now trying to read into her best friend’s expression.

“Hey, what’s going through your head right now?” Cristina asks Meredith rather tenderly.

“I-I-” Meredith stutters before she’s ready to start. She wants to share with Cristina, share everything that’s going on inside her head.

* * *

_(She’s a bit fuzzy starting to think of it all. Those warm fuzzy feelings were growing stronger for the redhead Attending with each passing second. It was getting hard to contain all of them!)_

_(But on the other hand, Meredith is still super hung-up on this mystery person of hers. She doesn’t talk about it too much with Cristina. But Cristina KNOWS her, she would understand.)_

_(She’s not sure why she feels this special draw or special pull towards this unknown person who once took her home. But the detail in being cared for, without any sex, here in Seattle… Was…)_

_(It was just something special. It had to have been someone extremely selfless. And extremely selfless and caring people are not usually the types who frequent the bar across the street.)_

_(Usually, Meredith’s one night stands and drunken tequila lays are so bottom-of-the-barrel that she’s embarrassed to mention them. But she’s embarrassed to mention THIS one for the opposite reason.)_

_(She’s scared to get too attached to someone who might no longer be interested in her after all. I mean they left her a note with no NAME on it for god’s sakes and she got her key back shortly after with no more notes and no words and no signs.)_

_(Maybe this ‘mystery person’ - somewhere along in the bitterness Meredith had resigned herself that she had no proof it was a man. Or a woman. But she didn’t want to generalize either.)_

_(Maybe this ‘mystery person’ did not ever or would not have any romantic potential with her at all. At first, Meredith had thought that it had been a love note. But could they just be a friend?)_

* * *

“Mer?” “Hey, what’s going through your head right now?” Cristina asks Meredith rather tenderly. Even more tenderly than the first time.

“Oh, I was just thinking about, well, _Addison_ ” Meredith lets her name fall from her lips before she realizes she’s said it.

“Ah,” Cristina says to her simply. “What are you thinking about then?” Cristina offers her.

“Well, I guess I was thinking about kissing _Addison_ ,” Meredith says before cursing internally at herself for letting that part slip out easily as well.

“But just ah- because you were talking about it- I mean-” Meredith fumbles, trying to backtrack even more. 

“It’s okay for you to think about that,” Cristina says. And it might have been one of those perfect things for Cristina to have said to her in that moment then. 

“You don’t think that that’s wrong?” Meredith asks quite suspiciously. 

“No, I don’t think that it’s wrong” Cristina smiles to her simply. 

“But it SHOULD be, right? I mean I broke up her MARRIAGE. I dated her HUSBAND."

"She didn’t know about ME."

"I didn’t know about HER."

"And then she shows up here all leggy and fabulous and I just - I just couldn’t ever look away,” Meredith says sort of in a daze. 

“I mean when you put it THAT way, it is a little messed up. But I mean you are dark and twisty McMeredith. If the She-Shepherd is sort of your thing you be you” Cristina jokes with her.

“But she wouldn’t be She-Shepherd once she divorces the He-Shepherd” Meredith says to her hopefully.

“Touché” Cristina laughs along with that one.

* * *

  
  


“So what IS it about you and married people though? This might be a problem if it becomes pathological” Cristina says sympathetically to Mer.

“I don’t _know_ and I’m not sure the married part had anything to do with it. I AM NOT A HOMEWRECKER, or at least I don’t try to be” Meredith says with a huff.

“It’s true; Derek didn’t even tell you about Addison” Cristina nods at her gently.

“And then Addison shows up and she’s not hard to hate you know. And she saved your damn life and I just can’t get OVER that” Meredith says with slightly watering eyes at Cristina.

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere,” she says gently. “I know, but that’s because Addison’s fingers are MAGICAL!” Meredith says before she thinks more of it.

“What?” Meredith says with a confused sort of look.

“Nothing I’m just wondering if you were just thinking about _Addison’s magical fingers_ running all through your hair or rubbing circles onto your thighs” Cristina smirks at her. 

“CRISTINA!” Meredith exclaims. “I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT SURGERY!”

“But I bet NOW that you’re thinking about her hands in other places. On YOUR places” Cristina laughs at her as she sees Meredith’s face start to flush and her eyes start to wander below.

As Meredith starts to consider some of the scenarios and more that Cristina mentioned...

* * *

_(Like Addison’s fingers up over her thigh. Lacing them with hers and then kissing them with her lips. Like Addison running all up and down Meredith’s legs. Like getting to touch ADDISON’s legs.)_

_(Like her fingers falling upon her thin waist again like she had when Meredith held her. Getting to hold Addison’s body so much closer to hers again. Like Meredith feeling how she breathes.)_

_(Like feeling how Addison’s luscious Red hair would feel running through her own fingers through it. Seriously, she looked like a GODDESS. How could Derek give THAT up, she just had to ask him someday…)_

_(Oh and Addison’s hands running through HER hair. Meredith imagines that would feel just AMAZING. And having her long fingertips brush over her lips. And dip over her breasts…)_

_(And run down her back. Oh and her long fingernails. Meredith imagines her on top of Addison and Addison digging her nails right into Meredith’s back. The pain and the pleasure.)_

_(I wonder how Addison LIKES IT in bed. Is she tender and soft? Is she quick, fast and dirty? Is she a slow kisser or a fast kisser? Does she like tongues? I like lots of tongue Mer thinks.)_

_(Would she kiss the way Derek does because that’s what she’s used to? If I kiss her should I kiss her the way Derek kisses ME because I would guess that’s how she liked it?)_

_(Or would that just not make sense because if she’s splitting with him maybe their sex wasn’t great at all. See it’s weird because I’ve been in bed with Derek. And I have a crush on Addison. But I don’t like to think of them in bed TOGETHER because then I get jealous of DEREK.)_

_(And that makes me rage. And then I start thinking angry thoughts. And then I start thinking angry kinky sex angry thoughts. Like if I ever got mad with Addison how I’d just back her right into a wall.)_

_(And then I’d start kissing her rough till she begged me. And then I still wouldn’t stop kissing her until she took my hand by the wrist and shoved my fingers inside of her pants.)_

_(And then I’d screw her all senseless until she finished so hard. And then I’d want her all over again so I’d throw her onto my bed. And then I would ravage her body with hot kisses and touches.)_

_(And then I’d finally let her touch me back once she’s come several times. And then I’d want her to go HARDER and FASTER and MORE. So then I’d buck my hips into her. And then she might pull my hair.)_

_(Or maybe I’d pull on HER hair. Or at least bit her earlobe. I bet her collarbone would taste really delicious. And that I’d want to give her all sorts of hickeys so everyone knows that she’s MINE.)_

_(And I’d want her to suck on MY neck too so I could feel her hot breath there. And then I’d want to feel her tongue there. And then I’d want her mouth on my breasts. And I’d love that_ **_Mmm-)_ **

* * *

**_“Mmm-”_ ** _Meredith imagines…_

“MEREDITH!” Cristina shoves her into her side.

“Whoa, what?” Meredith asks her as if nothing had happened.

“You were _MOANING_ , in the _gallery_ , of the _O.R._ that we’re sitting in!” Cristina hushes to her.

“OH SHIT!” Meredith swears suddenly and cups her hand to her mouth.

“Jeez, you were calling out like a whore. I’m sure that Ms. McDreamy would probably get off on it and all. But I am NOT Addison so I do NOT need to hear you moaning for her” Cristina says.

“I am SO EMBARRASSED” Meredith blushes profusely.

* * *

“There is a lot more sort of serious things that I like about _Addison_ ” Meredith starts up again.

Cristina nods more at Meredith to go on, knowing Mer could go on all day about her crushes.

“She should hate me but she never ever has. The first day I worked with her she requested me;

"I thought it was to torture me but it wasn’t. She just wanted to see who I was. Some morbid curiosity maybe? Some penchant for self-destruct buttons? Who knows..." 

* * *

Cristina starts to smile at Meredith finally expressing her feelings for Addison. To someone at least. To her best friend. 

It was hard for Cristina. It was hard in the beginning, hard for her now.

She felt like she had to be this sort of unhelpful Yoda at times; playing the two sides of the coin like an intricate dance.

She wishes that sometimes, someone in her life had done this for her.

Well, okay. Addison had sort of helped her. And Mer. Well, all her friends really. She was lucky.

Not that she needed much help to sense that she and Izzie had possibility - maybe? Cristina can see the way Izzie is eyeing her curiously and how she just looked away after stating. 

So maybe she doesn’t need that much help in the ladies department, after all. Or maybe it was just so much sheer dumb luck that the girl that she liked-liked her back or so it seemed that way…

* * *

“Hey, are you _listening_ Cristina!” Mer exclaims at her all of the sudden. “Huh, yeah. Right. Addison.” Cristina fumbles. 

“Stop staring at your crush when I’m talking to YOU about MINE,” Meredith says to her. 

“Hey POT, meet KETTLE!” Cristina whisper-shouts back at her. 

“You’re staring at Addison right here right now!” Cristina says right back.

“Shhh, I think Addison is giving directions. I wanna hear her talk” Meredith hushes her with her shoulder a bit.

"Case in point” Cristina mutters as they listen in on the surgery below.

They can’t really hear them well, with no microphone on. But they don’t dare switch the switch talking about what they’re talking about. 

* * *

Burke, Bailey, Richard, Derek, and Addison are all still operating on this woman who is in not such good shape.

Luckily, she has stabilized for now and appears to be doing better. 

During this time the doctors tend to talk about other things as they finish the tedious work of sutures and stitches.

And somehow, as always (to the frustration of Miranda Bailey especially,) the doctors are now talking about their own love lives. 

“So how was Cristina in, you know?” Derek asks Burke out in the open.

“Pretty damn good,” Burke starts to say. But Addison cuts him right off to say “I do NOT want to hear it, Preston” giving him a rather nasty glare.

Bailey and Richard get mad at Burke for taking advantage and being the kind of guy who would want a little girlfriend to feel the need to lie for him.

“Why are you interested in her?” Derek asks her in a tease. 

“WHAT?!” Addison exclaims, going red by the second. “WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU THINK THAT!” she exclaims.

* * *

“Well, the fact that you are denying it so far makes it seem rather plausible,” Derek says to her then. 

“That doesn’t mean that I’m _interested_ , Derek, just rather shook up that you are my _husband_ and that you’re asking me if I want to date one of our colleague's ex-girlfriends??”

“After she JUST had an ectopic pregnancy that I had to save her from which she was _hiding from you-_

Preston Burke because she might have been afraid you’d make her keep it or abort it or do something that she did NOT want to do with her own body.

Burke is being a tool to Cristina for breaking it off, Addison thinks. 

“So that’s what I’m so upset over.” Addison lands rather far from her starting point.

“See, the way you just defended her both to me and to her ex-boyfriend makes me wonder even more than before.

"Are you turning into a _lesbian_ Addie? I got to say maybe our marriage was bound to fail for that anyhow” Derek says to her with a McStupid McSmirk.

“I- I- I DO NOT HAVE A THING OR A CRUSH ON CRISTINA!” Addison exclaims with a thud.

* * *

“It’s okay if you do I would understand it rather well” Preston Burke starts to offer.

“Really Preston, why would that be?” Addison asks him.

But she regrets asking that question the way he smirks at her then. It’s a dirty rather suggestive smile that Addison starts to see as SO much more repulsive than ever before.

“Because you both are extremely hot and attractive and driven young women,” Burke says to her. “And I’ve been attracted to both of you at times, so I can see where you might be attracted to each other that’s all” Burke confirms.

Bailey is giving Webber a pleading look to make them stop this, but Webber is concentrating rather hard on his surgery so he’s not really hearing a whole lot of what anybody is saying.

“NEVER GONNA HAPPEN, PRESTON,” Addison says with a humph. “The nerve of you even, flirting with a MARRIED WOMAN while she operates on a PATIENT with her HUSBAND as her assistant” Addison fumes now again.

“But you always keep insisting you call him your EX-HUSBAND” Preston Burke shrugs at her.

“She does,” Derek confirms with a shrug. “I find it alright actually I still have my eye on someone else anyways. Plus I talked to the lawyers now and we can get the divorce settled potentially by tomorrow night. Are you free then? Derek asks her. “We could go to dinner first,” he offers.

Addison bursts into a snort because “divorcing people don’t go on dinner dates, Derek” she just says to him in a sort of a huff. “But we’re just having dinner anyways,” he says in his McDreamy eyes. 

“Just to say goodbye though” Addison finds herself giving in to him. 

“Just until the divorce. Just until you go.” Derek looks up at her hollow this time. Like he’s searching for something like he wants not to have her back, but for something.

* * *

It’s fascinating that they are both happy to be separating. But there still is this pull. They were friends for a long time so it’s understandable they’d feel a longing for a specific closure. 

“Do you have anything in mind?” Derek asks her. “No, just not Italian or Vietnamese,” Addison asks of him

_(Because secretly she sort of wants to take MEREDITH there, to the Vietnamese place Cristina Yang name-dropped her ages ago. And she wants to go there the first time with HER and not HIM.)_

“How about Thai then?” Derek asks with a smile. Like he’s asking her out on their first date all over again. Which was also Thai. 

“Trying to reel in some nostalgia” Addison asks a bit bitterly. 

“It’s just - I knew you liked it that’s all,” he says honestly and Addison accepts Derek’s answer.

“Or at least, you wouldn’t hate it” his eyes roughen over again and Addison sighs.

“Very well, Thai it is” Addison concedes now.

* * *

“So are you?” Derek questions at her once again.

“Am I?” Mirrors Addison with a questioning tone.

“Are you becoming a LESBIAN?” Derek says with a jeer.

“God, you really don’t give up on that one, do you” she swears.

“Lesbians are hot,” Burke says to her the same way a 14-year-old boy might.

“They are,” Derek adds with a smirk.

“Ugh, men” Addison wants to throw something like a brick at them now.

“Ugh, men is what usually lesbians think about boys in the bedroom” BAILEY now chimes in here.

“WHAT!” Addison exclaims at Miranda this time. 

“Well, you ASKED” Bailey gives her that all-knowing glance.

* * *

“Ugh, fine. I find women attractive. But I don't want to date Cristina Yang. Are we satisfied now?” Addison says with a huff.

* * *

“I KNEW IT,” says Derek. “You always looked at your best friend Naomi sort of that way. Mostly while you were drunk but there was a look in your eye. A look that used to be only for me…” Derek continues.

“It was the lust look. The one you’d get when you were on your like- cycle or something. The one that meant that I should take an early night off, buy a bottle of champagne and wash the sheets over again” Derek says with a smirk.

“I- _really? You did all that?_ ” Addison says in surprise. “You have certain tells in your body you know. When you want something. When you want SEX. Like your hips move more than before, or you start to rub on my shoulders more often” he says. 

“I’m surprised you’re only telling me this now,” Addison says a bit stunned. 

“It hurt to say it because it wasn’t always directed at ME,” Derek says with sadness. 

“And more than half the time it seemed like it was about a woman,” he says. “You’d see a hot girl at the beach or at the bar. Sometimes you’d flirt with her, subconsciously, I guess, at least. More times it was that they would be flirting with YOU. And you'd, I don't know you'd just enjoy it a _lot_ , a lot more than one might expect...from someone completely _straight_ ” he says.

“It was all really innocent, you never moved forward. But the way that you looked at those women, the way that those women molded you in their hands if they did touch you, even accidentally. I don’t know, I guess I always wondered, that’s all” he says softly. And Addison just nods at him in simple understanding.

Addison realizes the pain he might have caused to Derek through this. But she gives him a look that lets him know it’s on his side too. 

Addison has been watching for years how Derek has fallen in love with his male best friend. And she’s sad in a way, too that her husband could not admit this part of who he was, either. 

And the difference  _ now _ is that Addison is  admitting her (apparently not-so-newfound-) feelings of attraction towards the same sex - in her case towards women - in general -

_ (generally directed to one woman in particular - Meredith Grey - But she's not ready to admit THAT part out loud to anyone - anyone ELSE - not yet at least...) _ .

But she’s not going to force out Derek to do the same unless he wants to,  _ which he clearly doesn’t because he’s looking away... _

* * *

  
  


_(As Meredith looks down at the pain and the sadness in Addison’s eyes, all she wants is to be able to hold on to her tight. She wants to wrap her arms around this tall woman just like she did when she slipped.)_

_(Meredith wants to catch Addie right out of the air. She wants to be there when she falls. She wants to be around for her hurt. Meredith wants to be the kind of person her mystery person was to her.)_

_(Although she’s still not over that ‘mystery person’. And although her crush on this woman is still in its infancy. Or maybe it’s preschool or even it’s childhood years. Maybe teenage? Yes, Teenage feelings that’ll do.)_

_(Meredith still thinks to herself, throughout all the heartache she’s had; she’s never had the same as Addison either. Sure they were both hurt by Derek. But she was never married then divorced.)_

_(She was never in something so deep 11 years - half Meredith’s life Addison had been with this person. And now she can see all the mixed emotions clouding Addison’s face. And all Meredith wants to do is to brush the tears off of Addison’s cheek and to tell her she’s okay.)_

* * *

  
  
  


*

*

*

*

*

******* END OF CHAPTER 19**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all for supporting!  
> It's been a great community so far.  
> Here's some Meredith perspective as we move forward into more of the plot.  
> I know the plot is heavy and angsty and I wanna make it teasing and fun, too.  
> Have a good one, please leave a note with what you want to see-  
> Especially things you want to happen before the reveal.  
> Or I might not get a chance to include them at all hint hint hint..... ;)


	20. Break On Through, Part Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (The moment that Addison realizes the words that had just come out of her mouth she realizes it’s far too late now to take them back.)
> 
> (Yes, what choice wording that was. Addison has officially “Come Out” to an entire O.R of Attending physicians as well as Miranda Bailey. And she’s not sure what to think of all this…)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a special fairly long chapter as a reward for the last few short ones.
> 
> Thanks for the reviews especially, and enjoy the ride.
> 
> I promise this one's worth it ;)

**_PREVIOUSLY ON “FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING”:_ **

* * *

  
  


“Mer?” “Hey, what’s going through your head right now?” Cristina asks Meredith rather tenderly. Even more tenderly than the first time.

“Oh, I was just thinking about, well, _Addison_ ” Meredith lets her name fall from her lips before she realizes she’s said it.

“Ah,” Cristina says to her simply. “What are you thinking about then?” Cristina offers her.

“Well, I guess I was thinking about kissing _Addison_ ,” Meredith says before cursing internally at herself for letting that part slip out easily as well.

* * *

“So are you?” Derek questions her once again.

“Am I?” Mirrors Addison with a questioning tone.

“Are you becoming a LESBIAN?” Derek says with a jeer.

“God, you really don’t give up on that one, do you” she swears.

“Lesbians are hot,” Burke says to her the same way a 14-year-old boy might.

“They are,” Derek adds with a smirk.

“Ugh, men” Addison wants to throw something like a brick at them now.

“Ugh, men are what usually lesbians think about boys in the bedroom” BAILEY now chimes in here.

“WHAT!” Addison exclaims at Miranda this time. 

“Well, you ASKED” Bailey gives her that all-knowing glance.

* * *

“Ugh, fine. I find women attractive. But I don't want to date Cristina Yang. Are we satisfied now?” Addison says with a huff.

* * *

“I KNEW IT,” says Derek. “You always looked at your best friend Naomi sort of that way. Mostly while you were drunk but there was a look in your eye. A look that used to be only for me…” Derek continues.

“It was the lust look. The one you’d get when you were on your like- cycle or something. The one that meant that I should take an early night off, buy a bottle of champagne and wash the sheets over again” Derek says with a smirk.

“I- _really? You did all that?_ ” Addison says in surprise. “You have certain tells in your body you know. When you want something. When you want SEX. Like your hips move more than before, or you start to rub on my shoulders more often” he says. 

“I’m surprised you’re only telling me this now,” Addison says, a bit stunned. 

“It hurt to say it because it wasn’t always directed at ME,” Derek says with sadness. 

“And more than half the time it seemed like it was about a woman,” he says. “You’d see a hot girl at the beach or at the bar. Sometimes you’d flirt with her, subconsciously, I guess, at least. More times it was that they would be flirting with YOU. And you'd, I don't know you'd just enjoy it a _lot_ , a lot more than one might expect...from someone completely _straight_ ” he says.

“It was all really innocent, you never moved forward. But the way that you looked at those women, the way that those women molded you in their hands if they did touch you, even accidentally. I don’t know, I guess I always wondered, that’s all” he says softly. And Addison just nods at him in simple understanding.

* * *

Addison realizes the pain he might have caused to Derek through this. But she gives him a look that lets him know it’s on his side too. 

Addison has been watching for years how Derek has fallen in love with his male best friend. And she’s sad in a way, too that her husband could not admit this part of who he was, either. 

And the difference _now_ is that Addison is admitting her (apparently not-so-newfound-) feelings of attraction towards the same sex - in her case towards women - in general -

_(generally directed to one woman in particular - Meredith Grey - But she's not ready to admit THAT part out loud to anyone - anyone ELSE - not yet at least...)_.

But she’s not going to force out Derek to do the same unless he wants to, _which he clearly doesn’t because he’s looking away..._

* * *

_(As Meredith looks down at the pain and the sadness in Addison’s eyes, all she wants is to be able to hold on to her tight. She wants to wrap her arms around this tall woman just like she did when she slipped.)_

_(Meredith wants to catch Addie right out of the air. She wants to be there when she falls. She wants to be around for her hurt. Meredith wants to be the kind of person her mystery person was to her.)_

_(Although she’s still not over that ‘mystery person’. And although her crush on this woman is still in its infancy. Or maybe it’s preschool or even it’s childhood years. Maybe teenage? Yes, Teenage feelings that’ll do.)_

_(Meredith still thinks to herself, throughout all the heartache she’s had; she’s never had the same as Addison either. Sure they were both hurt by Derek. But she was never married then divorced.)_

_(She was never in something so deep 11 years - half Meredith’s life Addison had been with this person. And now she can see all the mixed emotions clouding Addison’s face. And all Meredith wants to do is to brush the tears off of Addison’s cheek and to tell her she’s okay.)_

* * *

  
  


**Chapter 20: Break On Through Part Ten**

* * *

  
  


_(The moment that Addison realizes the words that had just come out of her mouth she realizes it’s far too late now to take them back.)_

_(Yes, what choice wording that was. Addison has officially “Come Out” to an entire O.R of Attending physicians as well as Miranda Bailey. And she’s not sure what to think of all this…)_

“Bovie,” Richard Webber asks of Bokhee, the scrub nurse. “Bovie” she confirms as she places the tool in the palm of Richard’s hand.

_(Did I say it inside of my head? Did they not even hear a word of that conversation? Did I imagine it? Is that why no one is reacting to the fact that I am newly BISEXUAL!?)_

_(Maybe not so NEWLY, more like, newly DECLARED. Or ANNOUNCED, rather....)_

* * *

“So like, you really want to lick the pussy?!” Is Preston Burke’s next scintillating question.

_(Whelp, nope I guess I really DID say that last part out loud, now didn’t I- Well, here goes…)_

Addison thinks to herself how she’ll handle this onslaught… what if the INTERNS had heard.

_**(What if MEREDITH GREY had just heard, heard her declaration of homosexual tendencies!!!!????)** _

* * *

Meanwhile, Bailey’s interns are now throwing LITERAL peanuts at each other in the gallery.

“Seriously!” Izzie says to them all when she doesn’t share.

“It’s the _PEANUT GALLERY!!!”_ Alex says to her as if he’d been the most genius person in the whole wide world to think of THAT one. 

“It sure is the peanut gallery,” Izzie says back to him without sharing more, missing the play on words completely as the other interns are laughing from Alec Karev’s pun.

_“Ooh look at that quality repair,” Cristina Yang says. She’s looking down with open eyes as the surgeons complete a tricky part._

“Nice!” George O’Malley cheers, pretending he’s not leaning closer to Alex to pick a peanut off his scrub top with the tip of his tongue.

“YOU GUYS!” Meredith admonishes them all. 

“How can you be actually eating PEANUTS OFF OF EACH OTHER IN THE DAMN GALLERY!” Meredith yells just a little.

“Well you were just m-” Cristina cuts herself off before she mentions it.

“YOU DO NOT EVEN FINISH THAT SENTENCE CRISTINA!” Meredith looks at her seriously.

“You were just _mentioning_ that it’s pretty cool how sort of soundproof these walls are, right?” Cristina says with a smirk.

Meredith knows she’s had a clever word that starts with an “m” planned all ready to go.

* * *

“Yeah, I was just _mentioning_ that,” Meredith says with a grin. “And it’s right that I mention it because we wouldn’t want the ATTENDINGS to know all this peanut nonsense we’re talking about in our own PEANUT gallery in the gallery up here.” Meredith laughs.

“Plus we can say that when we tell them we couldn’t hear a single word they have been saying to each other for the past like hour and a half and we don’t want to always be on the speakerphone” Meredith shrugs. 

“I used to come here as a kid and play with my anatomy jane doll. She had so many removable parts. I even got the pregnancy extension set for my eleventh birthday” Meredith says to them all excitedly.

“Wow, even your childhood was medical. I am SO jealous of your inbred MEDICAL ROYALTY” Cristina says to her all in a fake huff.

“Yeah, well if YOUR mother was Ellis Grey you wouldn’t say that for SURE” Meredith whines to the others.

“Hey, you’ve met MY MOTHER, ya wanna trade for a decade?” Cristina laughs.

“Ok, I see your point!” Meredith squeals at her, reaching over to steal another one of Izzie Stevens’ peanuts.

“Well lucky you! My mom was nice when she wasn’t all sick” Alex says.

It’s the first time Alex has said anything at all about his family and everyone thinks about that.

But then he looks all scared and awkward and NOT Alex Karev,

So then George O’Malley saves him by saying that HIS mother Louise O’Malley literally knits swears like, “ALL OF THE TIME, IN EVERY SINGLE COLOR EVER!”

And they all laugh and Meredith jokes that if she ever gives up sex and drinking maybe she’ll take up knitting sometime.

And then Izzie Stevens throws a peanut at her because she says that’s the “most absurd thing she’s ever heard.”

And Cristina leans over REAL close to Izzie so SHE can steal a peanut on purpose.

And Izzie purposely leans away and back in her chair so Cristina will practically have to crawl right onto her lap to get one.

* * *

_(And Meredith smiles at them both and thinks about how SHE’D like to be crawling on SOMEONE’s lap just about now.)_

_(And she’s sort of happy because she’s still just having gotten over not-McDreamy)_

_(And she’s really found herself in these recent times without anyone.)_

_(So she just sits there, in silence, watching George and Alex smooch once before laughing.)_

_(And watch how Cristina and Izzie are holding hands under their chairs now.)_

_(And how she’s the only one of Bailey’s group of their interns who is all alone now.)_

_(And she’s still thinking about that damn ‘mystery person’ and the note they left her)_

_(She wonders if Cristina secretly kept it. That would be a Cristina-shaped sort of thing to do.)_

* * *

_(She wants to ask her but she’s having so much fun with Izzie now she won’t bother her.)_

_(And she wonders more about this mystery and how long in her life she’ll have to keep wondering.)_

_(She’s decided she should maybe consider setting a timeline. Like a personal boundry)_

_(Like, if she doesn’t find the ‘mystery person’ in the next three weeks or two she should give up on them.)_

_(Because she’s not sure she’s willing to be with someone who’s held out that long to a secret.)_

_(And maybe they were trying to give her space to breathe and to get over her breakup.)_

_(She imagines she spoke about Derek that night since they broke up then.)_

_(So maybe they were just waiting until she was ready.)_

_(IS SHE READY??? How would she know how WILL she know?)_

_(Meredith thinks to herself as she joins in her friend’s conversation again.)_

_(She’s focused on what they are saying now so she can’t hear all the banter below.)_

* * *

  
  


“So like, you really want to lick the pussy?!” Is Preston Burke’s second time asking that question!

_(Whelp, how the hell do I even ANSWER a question so vulgar as that while at work.)_

_(Truth be told, Addison’s not necessarily gotten THAT far into her fantasies, so she’s sort of lost.)_

“Well if you need any hands-on lessons about how to give love to a woman, well you know where to find me” Burke snickers a bit to her as he reaches over her hand for a clamp.

_(‘EW!’ Oh wow, if you’re thinking ‘EW’ about men in bed all a sudden maybe you really ARE gayer than you even though you were in the first place…)_

* * *

  
  


“Well that’s a generous offer, Preston but I’ll have to politely **decline** ,” Addison says to her colleague politely.

She doesn’t want to rise to his bait unnecessarily, nor feigned any sort of interest whatsoever.

“You know I bet that she’d like women better. I mean she’s a GYNO for god’s sakes. She practically LIVES for vaginas. Should you be working at your job? Is that even appropriate to have your patients around you?” Derek says to her a bit meanly.

But before Addison steps in, to defend herself, it’s Miranda Bailey who seems to have her back beyond her wildest expectations.

* * *

“Doctor Montgomery has been nothing but professional with her patient care, and I’ll say that it’s very brave of her to be opening up a very vulnerable part of her own personal life with us.” Bailey starts.

“And furthermore, I do not believe that a person’s sexual orientation, much less their anything else like that for that matter - should have any sort of overlapping generalization to do with their work.” Bailey continues.

“And we all know that the correct term for Addison Montgomery’s chosen medical specialty is OBGYN, as well as neonatal and fetal surgery, notwithstanding her groundbreaking genetics research. So you can stick your prejudices back up where they came from!” Bailey concludes.

“Thank-Thank-You” Addison stammers out a bit at Bailey’s bold stance.

“That’s no problem, Doctor Montgomery,” Bailey says to her, using her unmarried name on purpose because she knows that Addison likes that now.

* * *

  
  


“But you better not be foolin’ around with any of MY interns you hear that. Not man nor woman interns I don’t want no more Attendings getting in any more of my intern’s pants.” Bailey says to her sternly.

“The last thing that MY students need is for the likes of their teachers, their mentors, and their superiors to be taking off all their clothes with them and then breaking their hearts all over here left and right” Bailey adds. 

“Because when all that happens, now that affects MY day. And my day is hard enough handling the likes of YOU FOOLS-” _Bailey gestures to the Attendings around the room now to know that she’s talking all about THEM now._

* * *

_(Good God, Bailey sure is some BADASS at bringing some sense into people!)_

_(About that bringing that sense into people, you did hear that part about not ‘foolin’ around’ with interns right? And that was directed at YOU, too, about a certain GREY girl as well…)_

_(Oh, hush now, Bailey’s not even finished what she’s going to say! Listen to the rest first.)_

* * *

  
  


“So if you want to screw around with men, women, people in general then don’t go screwing around with your students or anyone else lower than you on this food chain in the hospital” Bailey doesn’t waver, not even one little bit.

“But that said, I know that the heart wants what it wants sometimes, and you just can’t help yourself from that. I don’t want to deprive anyone THE LOVES OF THEIR LIVES-”

Bailey softens a bit when she says that. “Hell, I know I found one of MY lovers and he wasn’t even in the same type of job that I have and I love him all the same. It ain’t perfect but we have what we have now together. And I know I wouldn’t have wanted to have rules from that...” Baile keeps on explaining.

“Look, all I’m asking is that if - if you do decide to date one of the interns - ESPECIALLY if it’s one of MY interns like you two both did before…”

_(Bailey is eyeing both Preston Burke and Derek Shepherd for the moment at least, not you at least, Addie.)_

“Then I suggest you think long and hard about whether you’re doing this because it’s for YOUR best interests in your lives or for THEIRS. Because there’s a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time…”

“And I don’t want any of MY interns or anyone else’s interns for that matter to be wastin’ they’ time on the likes of YOU if you don’t know for certain that’s what THEY want as much as it is what YOU want…” Bailey continues.

By now even Richard Webber is smiling proudly at his young protege to be delivering what he himself cannot even construct in such a well-ordered manner. 

* * *

_(Given his own past ANTICS around Seattle Grace it might have fallen on deaf ears coming from HIM.)_

_(Him being the one who was screwing Meredith Grey’s MOTHER in this very hospital.)_

_(While she was still with Meredith’s father before she left him, but Richard never left Adele.)_

_(Wow, being in that kind of love triangle must SUCK” Addison thinks ironically to herself…)_

_(And then Addison zones out again just for a few moments.)_

* * *

_(And speaking of Meredith, she’s now considering all of HER potential lovers.)_ _  
_

_(SHE doesn’t want to be caught in a permanent love triangle like her 2 or 3 parents-? )_

_(And how will she ever pick between these two lovers if they come forward at once!)_

_(Because she has sort of mythical things on to both of them.-)_

* * *

_(Them being the mystery person’ and ADDISON, that is.)_

_(She knows it’s maybe not healthy to think of either of them all this much or this way.)_

_(But as her friends are giggling and sharing their peanuts and their peanut-gallery jokes and opinions all around her, she’s with her BEST FRIENDS and she should be happy.)_

_(She IS happy, she loves them, they love her too. Some of them REALLY seem to be loving each OTHER right about damn now.)_

_(And she lets her mind wander again, Meredith looks at how her friends are feeding each other peanuts in the so-called-bubble of a PEANUT GALLERY.)_

* * *

**_(And how SHE’d like to be feeding Addison peanuts right out of the box.)_ **

**_(And how she’d break all the rules of the gallery just to take Addison a snack.)_ **

**_(And that she’d love it if someday Addison would give her the same)_ **

**_(BUT THAT SHE DOESN’T KNOW IF ADDISON WOULD EVEN EVER LIKE WOMEN AT ALL- much less someone so scrawny and small like herself without all the other crap who she was to that girl.)_ **

* * *

**_(And she doesn’t know if Addison would be the type of Attending to want to date a STUDENT.)_ **

**_(AND one with all of her dark and twisty and mommy and daddy issues like, also…)_ **

**_(And even in her magical gay fantasy world where ADDISON really DID want her BACK…)_ **

**_(And she doesn’t know if she would want to wait, like FOUR YEARS to go out with her.)_ **

**_(But she’s not so sure that she WOULDN’T want to wait for Addison, then, either.)_ **

**_(There’s a sneaking part of her that’s sort of saying she’d wait forever if she could have that beautiful girl…)_ **

* * *

_(Meredith stares down at Bailey now, who seems to be giving a lecture or something.)_

_(But the room is too quiet to hear anything without the speakerphone.)_

_(So all she hears is the laughter of her friends, which joins in with them all out anyhow-)_

_(Even if she looks away periodically, subtly and not too easy to notice, sometimes, she looks down to the O.R from her seat in the gallery but never for too long or too hard.,)_

_(But just for a second so she can watch Addison Montgomery’s hands weave her stitches…)_

* * *

Addison bats an eye up to the gallery now, and all the interns as she weaves her last stitches, still listening to all of Miranda Bailey’s speech whirring by.

She can see the interns all laughing and sneaking peanuts into the gallery.

Addison smiles to herself, remembering her residency days and how she once did the same.

_(Addison focuses back on Bailey’s speech completely now.)_

* * *

“So if you’re certain that what you want and what they want and what you two are capable of is an ADULT, MATURE, HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, then MAYBE I will consider it a good thing. BUT ONLY IF, and only if, you recognize that until the day they graduate from the program-”

  
“That you - we - not that I’m at all on the scene right now - but that we, as their teachers, will ALWAYS have the upper hand. So it’s much harder to navigate consent, and sex, and rules, and boundaries, and pacing while you’re dealing with someone who’s your student” Bailey says.

And as she drones on more, the interns are all snuggled together-some more than others at least...

  
  


* * *

Despite Cristina Yang being totally invested in cuddling with Izzie during this long operation,

Something she hasn’t and won’t mention YET is that she can read lips like a pro.

While she was examining the superior surgical skills of the surgeons down there,

She’d also read off of Addison’s lips that she’d said she was attracted to women, but just not HER, Cristina Yang.

Now, to anyone else a comment like that might have HURT.

But to Cristina, it all came as a sort of relief.

* * *

She’s already had that conversation with Addison, and they had a mutual disinterest in liking EACH other, that way at least.

Though Cristina admits to herself Addison IS a good kisser, she’s a good kisser in that she imagines what IZZIE kisses like.

And that’s what she’s MOSTLY just thinking about now.

But she’s also thinking in the back of her mind, that probably Meredith would really like how Addison kisses. 

And by the look on her face just short hours ago she seemed pretty stoked on the idea.

And how Addison has come out to HER ex-boyfriend and Meredith’s ex-boyfriend and all of their bosses both Bailey and Webber.

* * *

But she hasn’t really come out to the interns - namely Meredith - in the open.

And Cristina thinks this is one of those moments she should save for Addison to do for herself. Coming out is personal and important she knew already.

So she keeps quiet about the lips she’s read, checking the looks on the other intern’s faces to see if they saw what SHE saw.

But they hadn’t seen it, because she knew them and Cristina knew they would have said something.

So then she cuddles even closer into Izzie right now, she wraps her arm over Izzie’s shoulder as Izzie plants a soft kiss over her head.

And she decides to be happy, for Addison to share the truth she knew from the beginning, for Meredith to start to share her feelings about Addison.

* * *

  
Happy for George and Alex to have found a new piece of their existence and to enjoy each other,

For herself, to being resigned to meddling in her “unhelpful-at-times” Yoda behavior.

And she just lets herself be adrift and at peace, as she closes her eyes just for a second so she can enjoy Izzie’s head fall into the crook of her neck, as she tucks her head down right into hers.

* * *

“We are not children anymore, we’re all of age. Bailey continues again with her rant.

There’s nothing WRONG, per se, with them the interns dating you or you dating them. But there will always be questions; always a risk of giving them an upper hand in their surgeries or not and going the other way and punishing them, too” Bailey continues.

“And there will always be an amount that they will think that you are their heroes, and they may love you for that, and not for you you are outside of the O.R” Bailey says gently, knowing that that one might strike a nerve with Preston Burke and Derek Shepherd.

“I’m not gonna make a rule. It’s not right for me to make a rule. I’m not gonna make you kiss and tell. I’m not gonna ask you to tell me who you kiss and I beg of you PLEASE to spare me the gory details. I do not talk about sex - EVER. Not any KIND of sex-” Bailey rambles.

“But I do talk about people’s feelings, and I do talk about people’s hearts. And I do talk about communication, and learning, and love and of loss. So if you ever want to come to me and ask me your REAL questions, because you CARE about somebody that damn much-”

“And I mean that you CARE about somebody, not that you lust over them or have these dirty little dreams or secrets about them. If you honestly do care, and you want to do things the right way, you come to talk to me about YOUR feelings (not theirs!) and you talk to the Chief, and he’ll be there.-”

* * *

“And we’ll be there for each other. We’ll get through this. We’ll see” Bailey smiles.

And as she finishes up her long speech, and as the room is silent for a second. 

And as the boys hang their heads a bit, reflecting on what they’d done in their past,

Addison thinks quietly to herself for a moment. About all of what Bailey’s just said.

* * *

  
  


_(Addison thinks about how SHE feels about Meredith, and how MEREDITH might feel about HER-)_

_(She thinks of all the ADDED complications they have between them. Her divorcing Derek, Meredith previously dating Derek. Derek’s secret about HER. Addison’s secret about HERSELF.)_

_(Addison realizes that in all that she’s been trying to protect Meredith from herself, but is she doing more harm than good hiding behind that note and that key and that damn potted plant?)_

_(Speaking of that damn potted plant, Addison wonders idly if it managed to straighten itself out after she’d knocked into Meredith who’d knocked into it and knocked it over.)_

_(She’d tried to straighten it out when she laid it there in the kitchen but every time she touched it, the plant just seemed to be less and less straight so she gave up on straightening it and just made sure it was soothed into its pot with some water.)_

_(Like all it needed was someone to care for it, to cherish it. To love it then, after it had just been knocked over and had been neglected on the ground, almost completely trampled over by the time Addison had circled back to it after putting Meredith to sleep...)_

_(She even talked to it a bit before she left. Like who even does that?? Talk to a potted plant. That's how really fucking lonely she was then. Still is. Sorta...)_

_(They say it’s good for carbon dioxide or photosynthesis or something…To talk to plants. I mean?)_

_(Oh, heck Addison you’re getting yourself WAY off of topic!)_

_(STUPID POTTED PLANTS THE DAMN THINGS NEVER STAY STRAIGHT WHEN I TRY TO TOUCH THOSE THINGS ANYWAYS. MAYBE I GUESS I DON’T HAVE A GREEN THUMB AFTER ALL!)_

* * *

At least by this time, Addison has realized she zones out in a thought spiral often enough that she brings herself back before anyone can ask her more questions.

“So you’ll think about everything I just said? ALL OF YOU” Bailey is even eyeing at Richard now.

“Yes, I will think about it, _thank you, Bailey,_ ” Addison says to her in a way that Bailey _knows-_

_Knows_ Addison’s not talking only about her long speech, but also about the way she stood up for her.

“Well, _you’re very welcome,”_ Bailey says to her with the same subtext.

“BOYS!” Bailey bellows out loud for them to get their attention.

“Yes, Bailey” Preston Burke, Derek Shepherd - Even Richard Webber mumble in unison.

“Well, that’s good then. And congratulations again Addison, as I said, it’s an honorable step” Bailey smiles.

And Addison smiles back at Bailey, honestly glad for all that she sticks up for the Interns, too.

* * *

Addison chances another glance up to the gallery now, and Meredith Grey meets her eye just for one second before she’s looked away and blushing again.

And Addison has the very same reaction that Meredith does and she tries to hide it by then looking right at the floor.

Bailey never misses one, ever, so she sees _exactly_ how Addison and HER INTERN MEREDITH GREY were just making eyes at EACH OTHER.

But she’s not going to have that conversation with Addison, now.

And she might not even have to if they never act on it all anyhow.

* * *

Bailey thinks that there might be a bigger story here, but she keeps to herself, trusting Addison entirely.

_(Because unlike all those 3 boys, she does trust Addison most, and she thinks that she’s someone that Meredith Grey might grow into trusting as well.)_

So instead, all Miranda Bailey does is that she looks up at Addison, looks her right in the eye.

Bailey can see the weariness, the hurt, and the loss. She can see the sadness, but she can see _hope_ , as well. In Addison’s eyes, she can see the teeniest glint of hope, that is. 

So she turns to her fully and says to her softly “ **We accept the love that we think we deserve, Addison** ,” tenderly caressing the syllables of Addison’s first name, even though they are in the O.R right now.

Because Bailey is not talking to “Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd” anymore. She’s not talking to “Doctor Addison Montgomery,” either. Bailey is speaking directly to her, now. 

As a friend.

And hell if it isn’t exactly the words that Addison needed to hear right now.

All she needed from Bailey or anyone, then, is to know that no matter what, that someone is at her side.

* * *

As they finish up the operation, an urgent page comes for all of them - even the interns - from down in pathology.

The ‘pregnant man’ apparently has a Teratoma, the results just came back.

Addison smiles as she sees the interns scurry down to 

Richard assigns Addison to take out the Teratoma first as it still resembles a pregnancy, and Bailey assigns Karev and O’Malley to work with her on the abdomen.

* * *

Addison tries not to frown when she doesn’t get Grey.

And Bailey tries not to smirk a little at her near-frown.

Richard assigns Preston Burke and Bailey to keep operating with him and Derek down here on their current patient, and Bailey asks for Grey, Yang, and Stevens to stay in working with them.

* * *

**But at least, Addison thinks to herself, at least I know they’re not all TALKING TO JOE! AND ASKING JOE QUESTIONS ABOUT HER! AND THAT NIGHT!**

* * *

  
  


_(And Addison decides at that moment that she’s **not** ready to share her feelings to **Meredith** , **ABOUT MEREDITH** ) _

_(She’s **not** ready to share her identity as the **'mystery man'.** ) _

_*But that she’s just outed herself to an entire room full of her work-equals, not social equals always… or at least in her humble opinion though Webber and Bailey are certainly alright.)_

_(And that she’s tired of being so lonely and afraid about ' all of this gay business.') _

_(So the moment the interns are about to rush off to their assignments,)_

* * *

**Addison comes out loud and proud to say “Oh, and by the way, I’m at least kinda HALF-GAY, I mean for real I mean- I- Girls- Am-women…. You know have a good afternoon”**

* * *

_(Addison stumbles and reddens completely. She’s at a loss of her words so she looks down.)_

  
_(She looks down RIGHT AT THE FLOOR. She doesn’t look up, not for hours it feels like.)_

* * *

_(And she doesn’t look up because she can’t bear to see the shocked look on everyone’s face.)_

_(She doesn’t look up at all before half the interns have gone to scrub in and she-)_

_(And Alex Karev and George O’Malley have left the room to care for the ‘not-a-mystery-pregnancy-patient-no-more’)_

* * *

**(She doesn’t look up. She didn’t look up. Addison NEVER changed even a glance up.)**

**Not before she’s already out into the hall and long gone from the room.**

* * *

  
  


_(But, if Addison HAD looked up, she might have given a glance to her crush on the Intern-)_

_(The intern Meredith Grey. Who would have smiled back at her with a wink and a blush.)_

* * *

_(And then maybe they might have known then, known how Addison felt for her.)_ _  
_

_(Meredith might have known how Addison felt al the things that she, more and more felt back.)_

_(Maybe they might have sensed even MORE from that moment - mysteries, secrets revealed?)_

_( **But Addison never looked up** , never glanced even once to her - anyone’s way.)_

* * *

_(So Meredith is just standing there with Cristina and Izzie inside the scrub room.)_

_(She’s staring at the blank space at where Addison had just then been standing.)_

_(She can feel Cristina SMIRKING at her from over there.)_

* * *

  
  
_(But Meredith doesn’t even look up at Cristina, either,)_

_(Because Meredith Grey doesn’t quite want her best friend Cristina to know yet-)_ _  
  
_

_(Though she has no idea how much Cristina already knows yet-)_

* * *

**_(Just how happy Addison Montgomery's newfound admission about her being at least half-Gay, had made Meredith Grey's whole day-)_ **

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

******* END OF CHAPTER 20**

* * *

Author’s Note:

THANK-YOU folks all SO MUCH for the raving reviews of this piece. Every kudos/like/star. Everytime this story is followed or favorited or bookmarked or subscribed to. Every COMMENT - I live for your comments and waking up to them every day is my favorite. I’d LOVE some feedback on this work as we know it. It’s not the end of the world though, even if you can’t. 

But I’d still love to know your feelings, your favorite moments, your funny quotes, the things you are surprised at. And also the things that you might wonder about, or be frustrated or feel another emotion by reading this one. It’s a SLOOOOOOOW burn, I know. But we ARE getting there. I mean, hell, ADDISON JUST CAME OUT ! GO ADDISON ! And Meredith was THERE!

So what do you think will happen next? Let me know in the reviews, I ALWAYS write back to each and every one if I can (I can’t on fanfiction if you are a guest…). And I love the long and daily discussions picking the chapter apart. Fans have given me lots of plot ideas and have helped to plug some MAJOR plot holes (like JOE outing Addison. So if you find mistakes tell me and help I’ll REALLY appreciate it.

Enjoy the next approximately 24-48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

  
  


* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING !!!!! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY <3 <3 <3**

* * *

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS SO MUCH !
> 
> Have a good one,
> 
> Today the updates are a new story
> 
> "RED is the new BLACK." MerAdd - a kinky sex story.
> 
> And as well an ongoing Prompt Challenge,
> 
> Which you can vote on it's another "Story" 
> 
> In my library,
> 
> If you want to comment,
> 
> On which one shot I write next for MerAdd.
> 
> Because MerAdd is LIFEEEEEEEEE <3
> 
> And I live for all the lovely people here,
> 
> Who think the very same way.


	21. Break On Through, Part Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the 'pregnant-not-pregnant-now-teratoma-case-patient' shares some wisdom with George, Alex & Addison before his surgery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new one for you folks who are at the tip of my heels !
> 
> ENJOY,
> 
> I think you'll like this one.

**_PREVIOUSLY ON “FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING”:_ **

_Note that this flashback sequence has been drastically shortened and updated, based on wonderfully helpful reviews from readers like you. THANKS!_

* * *

**_ADDISON_ **

_(What if MEREDITH GREY had just heard, heard her declaration of homosexual tendencies!!!!????)_

* * *

**_MEREDITH_ **

_(Meredith is still thinking about that damn ‘mystery person’ and the note they left her)_

_(Because she’s not sure she’s willing to be with someone who’s held out that long to a secret.)_

_(IS SHE READY??? How would she know how WILL she know?)_

_(Or maybe she wants ADDISON.)_

_(BUT THAT SHE DOESN’T KNOW IF ADDISON WOULD EVEN EVER LIKE WOMEN AT ALL)_

_(And she doesn’t know if Addison would be the type of Attending to want to date a STUDENT.)_

_(But she’s not so sure that she WOULDN’T want to wait for Addison once she's no longer her student, then, either.)_

* * *

**_ADDISON_ **

_(DAMN NO LONGER PREGNANT PATIENT. AND DAMN AILEY FOR NOT PUTTING ME WITH GREY._

_(But at least, if all the interns are in surgery tonight, Addison thinks to herself-)_

_(At least I know they’re not all TALKING TO JOE! AND ASKING JOE QUESTIONS ABOUT HER! AND THAT NIGHT!)_

_(Addison doesn't want to hide ALL her secrets anymore... so the moment the interns are about to rush off to their assignments,)_

* * *

**Addison comes out loud and proud to say “Oh, and by the way, I’m at least kinda HALF-GAY, I mean for real I mean- I- Girls- Am-women…. You know have a good afternoon”**

_( And Addison never looked up, never glanced even once to her - Meredith- or anyone else as she moved to leave the O.R)_

* * *

**_MEREDITH_ **

_(SHe's blushing and smiling to herself now. Hiding her smile from her best friend Cristina. Though she has no idea how much Cristina already knows yet-)_

**_(Just how happy Addison Montgomery's newfound admission about her being at least half-Gay, had made Meredith Grey's whole day...)_ **

* * *

_END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE_

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by me, @bobbiejelly_

  
  


* * *

**Chapter 21: Break On Through Part Eleven**

* * *

  
  
  


Addison scrubs out to do surgery with George O’Malley and Alex Karev.

  
  


The boys ask her if she is “really Bi or Gay”. 

  
  


When she says yes, they ask her for a threesome, to which she says “no thank-you”.

* * *

  
  
They go to tell the patient the diagnosis. A Teratoma inside of his abdomen.

  
  


He’s relieved that the surgery gives him a good chance at survival. 

**And he says to call him John.**

They all exclaim - “Seriously?” - because “that’s the name they give patients when they don’t have an identity card” they laugh.

  
  


“Hey, don’t make fun of my name!” John the ‘no-longer-pregnant’ patient says to all of them.

  
  


The boys come out to him saying that “dude we’re like Gay Bros” (Alex) and

“I mean we’re Bisexual Bros. Like Bi Bros. Sort of like Super Mario Bros. _But GAY_ ” (George).

And then they both look at Addison expectantly.

And thus Addison flushes, embarrassed a little, before coming out as “Bisexual also, _but not a Bro_.”

  
  


They thank him for asking George that question (did you like kissing that boy), and for giving Derek that dare (having Derek kiss Alex).

  
  


Addison winces a bit at that last, but she doesn’t let it show to the Interns, turning away slightly instead.

  
  


He asks for a word with the boys “gay men to gay men” And Addison agrees reluctantly.

* * *

  
  


While the boys have their “Super Bi Bros” chat, Addison tries to call Joe the Bartender, to tell him not to tell Meredith that she had drinks with her that night.

  
  


But every time that she calls him he doesn’t pick up.

* * *

  
  


The boys get a safe-sex talk from the patient, and they laugh because he’s so wise and he’s supposed to be the patient and they are supposed to be the doctors.

  
  


He just says he wishes his whole life was ahead of him, and not to let true love go.

  
  


Then he says, “Tell you what, boys. I’ll keep Doctor Boss busy here for 30 minutes, so if you two want to find a place to be alone for that time, set an alarm, wash up and be back as soon as you can” he says.

  
  


“Are you seriously offering to cover for us while we go off to have sex? Awesome!” Alex exclaims.

  
  


“Least I can do for you fellows for saving my life. Now take some of these condoms from that tin over there, be safe and have fun. And send Doctor Boss in would you?”

  
“Sure thing, you’re the very best!” George cheers. He takes a pile of condoms and stuffs them into his pants before eyeing Alex with enthusiasm.

  
  


“Your patient needs you, ‘Doctor Boss’, Alex says to Addison in a smirking tone as he rushes off after George O'Malley to the nearest on-call room or supply closet or _wherever._

* * *

  
  


Addison laughs as they run off and the patient winks at them.

“Pretend you don’t know, please, Doctor Boss” the patient pleads with her.

“It’s more exciting, scandalous and fun for them that way,” the patient John says. 

Addison only nods with a chuckle, as she examines the patient’s vitals one last time.

The patient asks if they can call his dead boyfriend’s family together in case anything happens during surgery. 

“I haven't talked to them in years. Not since he left me” the patient

Addison wants desperately to know what happened, but she doesn’t want to pry.

So instead, she settles on counting the beats of John-the-patient’s heart.

And as she hears the thump-thump-thump, Addison swears that she feels his heartbeats calling out for his lover.

* * *

  
  


“We were over, after this happened” John the patient begins, answering Addison’s question despite her never having asked it in the first place. _(Out LOUD, at least…)_

“When this started to happen to me, I was so ashamed. I thought I was protecting him…”

John continues “but the truth is, I was protecting myself. When it finally got bad, I didn’t say. And when it got _worse,_ I still never said.”

John says to Addison with sad eyes now.

“I thought at the time that if he knew my darkest secrets that he would run from me and never come back…”

John continues as Addison tries to gain the courage to look him in the eye.

“So I shut down, I made excuses. I asked people to lie for me. I stopped opening up” the patient says to her softer, even, now than before. 

“But then when he finally read it on my medical bills which had come in the mail without me having had the chance to hide them from me, that’s when it was over” John says.

“And the funny thing is, that he said he would have stayed if he knew. He understood that I wanted to protect him.

_"But he didn’t want to be protected_ ” John explains.

“I had never thought about it like that before,” the patient continues.

“I never thought that he’d want to know and to see all the pain and the worst of me. I didn’t know that he’d have loved me for ALL OF ME” John says now with a sharp sigh.

“But, alas, here we are. And the worst of it is, is that it was the hiding and the running and the _lying by omission_ that was what drove him away. He still _loved me_. I still loved him. I love him…”

The patient explains how he had loved the love of his life until the day his lover died, but that he never got to keep him after he's broken his vows to be truthful to him.

* * *

“Are you trying to teach me a lesson about _honesty_ , Mr. John?” Addison asks a bit sharply.

“Well, not intentionally no. I was just telling you the story of my life. Unless you have something you’re hiding from someone you love, Doctor Boss?”

Addison’s eyes flash over with a layer of guilt, and sorrow and fear. She’s not sure she should be telling him this. Or _anyone_ this. Ever.

_(But then she thinks that maybe this never is part of the problem. Maybe instead of the Teratoma that this patient has growing inside of him-)_

_(Maybe that’s like the secret note that Cristina is still keeping hostage along with the sample chart with her handwriting…)_

_(Maybe she should just come clean before it's too late for her to have her chance with Meredith. Maybe after what Bailey just said that shouldn’t matter.)_

_(Maybe they shouldn’t be at all because of who they were to each other, who they were to Derek, who they were now as a teacher and student.)_

_(Maybe she should just ASK this nice patient what he might advise her to do. Normally she would ask advice from Bailey, she always had good advice, but Grey was HER INTERN…)_

_(And she can’t ask Richard Webber for advice EITHER because he’s like family to Meredith. And she can’t ask Preston Burke for advice because he’ll just ask them for a THREESOME - EW!)_

_(And she can’t ask any of the Interns - not any of the ones who are not Grey or Cristina at least - because then they would KNOW all her secrets and go right and TELL them to Grey-)_

_(Even if nothing good comes of it she should probably tell Meredith this all HERSELF- right?)_

_(God, she wonders to herself how she can even consider herself a good teacher when she’s all messed up in her own life…)_

_(She wishes she could just get some new color upon her bare walls, that she could start over…)_

_(I wish I could start over… that’s the hardest part…)_

* * *

  
  


“I wish I could start over… that’s the hardest part…” Addison sighs, eyes widening when she realizes she’s done it AGAIN - she’s said her INSIDE thoughts out LOUD.

“You realize you could start over?” John the patient asks of her as she prepares him.

“I do,” Addison decides to give into it. “And I know that I’m supposed to be the Doctor here and you’re supposed to be the patient…”

“And I know that doctor-patient-privilege is supposed to be me keeping your secrets not you keeping mine....” Addison tries to be concise with what she’s asking of John.

“But I really do need to talk. I’m really fucking lonely and I have no one to talk to. And the last time I talked was to a _QUEER-AS-HECK-POTTED-PLANT_ \- please don’t ask…!

John the patient only nods up affirmatively at Addison, asking her to go on. 

“Who am I going to tell?” John the patient, he laughs. “I’ll be asleep on your table, I won’t be able to talk” he guffaws his signature laugh.

* * *

“Well, the time before that that I talked was to my soon to be ex-husband’s ex-mistress, who was sort of his girlfriend before she met me and realized that he was McMarried still....”

“And then she kept me company on that rainy day. And she was hurt by her boyfriend. And I was hurt by my husband. And we were both hurt by _DEREK_. And we sat there together…”

_(Addison sighs as she remembers it all so, so vividly to this day.)_

“I brought her home afterward, we shared a cab and she gave me her keys. I tucked her in for the night, fixed up her house, hung up her coat on the coatrack and I wrote her a not with no name”

Addison tries to explain it all quickly. She’s missing details she’s sure. But it feels so good to share with someone her story. Someone new who was not at all a part of it. 

(Not in the same way that Grey and Yang and all of the Doctors here are, in the same way.)

“And then the next morning she woke up and thought that it had been a man. And that she had a complete blackout that night since before I was there…” Addison continues on and on.

“And then she asked me what I did that night and I lied. I told her nothing exciting. That I had an early night. And I never said a word about that night to her, not ever again…” she rambles.

“But then the intern matched my handwriting. I’m not sure no one else has. Well I do, I’ve been typing up all of my charts and writing only in my home” Addison says. 

“Not that I have a _home_ anymore, I still live here in a hotel… I have a trust fund… ok, you know what let’s not get into THAT part right now!” she says off John’s rather incredulous look.

“And I didn’t want to be her hero. I didn’t want to be someone treating her like a toy. But I wanted to protect her. And I wanted to take away all her pain…” Addison rambles again.

“And then I just wanted her to like me. And people teased me about LIKING her. And I told them that I was straight but I guess you know that I’m bent now. Or wait, BI now? Not sure…I’m new..”

“And anyway so I still have not told her. And one of her friends is keeping that secret for me as well. And she’s sort of holding me hostage. And I think the interns will figure it out soon…”

“And I’m just so, _so_ scared that once she finds out, she won’t let me have her, not even like this. That I won’t have her as anything at all… not as a teacher, or an attending, or as a friend or as MORE…”

* * *

_(And Addison realizes that she’s admitting her newfound feelings for Grey for the very first time. When she and Cristina had talked about this it was all hypothetical.)_

_(But apparently hypothetical love is not dead here, apparently. Because it’s been blossoming into something much more…)_

* * *

“And see I wish I could just KNOW, that she will run away or she’ll stay.”

“You’ll never KNOW,” John says to her wisely. “You’ll never KNOW that for SURE,” he adds.

“But I can tell you this surely; the longer you wait, the harder it gets."

* * *

"It’s the hardest part, but it’s like taking out all of this lump from me…” the patient has caught on to her metaphor as well.

“The longer I waited to tell, the worse it got for everyone. But when I come to get help, I’m taking my chances at a new start.

The surgery is not guaranteed, nor are your chances with them” he says carefully.

“But YOU can tell ME for certain, that this not-pregnant-belly of mine would have been outpatient if I had come in months ago.

And maybe day surgery if I had come in weeks ago…”

“But now it’s an hours-long-surgery that will take up a whole team.

And I’ll be out, I’ll be gone, under the knife in your hands.

But I trust those hands, Doctor Boss. I trust you still, and I trust your sidekicks” he grins and Addison grins at that one too.

* * *

“But at the end of the day, my fate is out of my hands because I waited too long to make my choice, so my choice was chosen for me.

Have you ever seen an instance like this?”

John is trying to be relatable and it brings up her and Derek’s marriage for Addison.

“Yes, in fact. Yes, it does. My husband couldn’t choose between me and his mistress. She asked him to “pick me, choose me, love me.” and then he asked ME what he should decide…”

Addison groans at the memory about that night in the trailer. Her very LAST night at the trailer…

“And in the end I didn’t let him pick her, or choose me, or love either of us. I decided to end it all for the both of us, for Meredith and I both - FUCK. I didn’t mean to say Meredith. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. I need you to forget that I said that IMMEDIATELY!” Addison flushes and freaks out.

“It’s okay, you’ve said it now. You’re doing great, just go on. I promised I wouldn’t tell” he comforts her.

“She comforted me. That evening I told her he wasn’t coming. He wasn’t coming to get her because he wasn’t sure what he wanted. And I was sure of what I wanted. So I pressed my rings to his palm. And I said “goodbye, Derek.” she sighs.

“And I was the one to walk away then. I decided to decide. I took us out of his hands. And I went to the bar to tell her that. I went to tell her - Meredith - damn you know now anyhow….”

“I went to tell her he would not show. Because I thought she should _know_. Because I thought that it would be torture for her to drink while she’s waiting, and maybe never get home”

“And I thought that she’d want company, after he’d hurt her not once not twice but again. But really I think I wanted the company. I needed someone I could trust. 

And for some reason I trusted her” Addison is pouring her heart out now as the patient is nearly moved to tears.

“She’d been hurt by the same person, broken, bruised and all blue. And I wanted somehow to save her. So she wouldn’t become like me when she grows up. She might, growing up with HIM.” Addison articulates rather bluntly.

“He wasn’t right for me; but he wasn’t right for her, either. And I just wanted to carry her home that night. She is so young. And I don’t want her to lose that.” Addison says.

* * *

“But I think that she already has” John speaks up now. “She’s lost some pieces of herself from him that night. Maybe not as many as you, maybe more. But all that matters is that you were there for HER without thinking of receiving anything at all in return” John the patient now articulates.

“And all these pieces, they can have glue. Real friendship and real relationships can glue a soul back together. If you’re willing to be around when the bruises peel off before they heal” he says. 

“But let’s go back to your soon to be ex-husband’s situation for a second. You say ‘he had two loves, he had two hearts instead of one’. You said ‘young man, what have you done’ John quotes an old poem that fits the situation so well. 

“And what has hurt you is that you felt his love had been divided. He didn’t commit and he didn’t give you either of you the love that you deserved to be offered” John says.

“And now let’s take that and extrapolate that onto YOUR situation. That Grey girl that you carried home the other night, is probably still at least a little bit in love with that ‘mystery person’”

“It’s natural for her to fantasize about what might have been if that person had revealed themselves sooner, or who might do so soon enough,” John says.

* * *

“But if she starts to love someone else, or be interested in someone else, she will face a half-love, a half-life, and a half-truth” he puts simply.

“She won’t be able to accept the love that she truly deserves, or even the love that she might think she deserves” Addison rolls this modification of this popular wisdom around her head.

“She won’t be able to let go - of her ‘mystery person’ ergo of you. Nor be able to let go of any lover she may like - ergo of anyone - of man or woman - or even of YOU.” John says softly.

* * *

“ME?!” Addison exclaims incredulously. “Why would you add me twice to your equation??”

“Well your reaction sure speaks volumes about your secret loves and desires, Doctor Boss” he smiles up at her. John tries not to smirk at her, but he slowly starts to.

And Addison starts to smile back at him, because she’s finally got someone to help her through this.

“Destiny works in wild and wonderful ways, Doctor Boss” John begins again.

“Dying does that to you. It brings you wisdom. It brings you light” he says simply.

“I know you’ll say I’m not DYING- if you can help it all, at least” John interrupts in Addison’s thoughts.

* * *

“But I’ll say this; I see you care so, so much about this Grey girl. I see you watch her, I see you cherish her, I see you’ve carried her home through the night” he says in compliment.

“And I’ve heard you’ve been hurt before, have been neglected before, have been a giver before, have had to hide your needs before, and have had to lie before” he explains seriously to her.

“And I see these things colliding, in that you’ve always accepted the love that YOU think you’ve deserved. You’ve accepted to be humble, and you’ve accepted to exist only in the shadows” he says.

“You play a guardian of Angels, for the most part, Doctor Boss. But you’ve always been a giver, and relationships take give AND take. You do not have to feel all guilty, about asking for what you need” he says to her and her eyes sadden.

* * *

“You don’t have to feel unwelcome, to say what’s too much, and what’s too kind,” he says.

“And you don’t have to feel so lonely if only you would let the love come in” John finishes quietly.

“But I’m still lost in all your metaphors,” Addison says with such compassion.

* * *

“I’m saying that you do need to share this secret. You have to get this off your chest. You have to go and tell this Grey girl what has happened that night instead-”

“Instead of watching as the time goes by and your chances all run out-”

“Instead of worrying about your options until they are no longer even there-”

“Instead of leaving her with half-lives when she could truly have a whole-”

“Instead of not taking a chance, and risking not having anything left at all-”

“And instead of waiting as the love of your life, might float on by, without knowing she could catch you, as much as you want to catch her.” John finally concludes.

“It’s okay to fall, Doctor Montgomery,” the patient says to her with her first name now.

“It’s okay to fall in someone’s arms,” he says. 

* * *

“I HAVE, she’s caught me when I fell one time when I was buying Cheetos from the machine” Addison explains, deciding it’s the least of things to be embarrassed about right now.

“And did it feel right to be caught by her, to be held by her and to be cherished by her?” John is asking, looking right into her eye.

“You don’t have to answer me that, you don’t answer that. Not her, not now, for me” he says quickly.

“That answer, that should guide your judgment. So that YOU don’t end up like ME” John says.

* * *

“So I think I have my answer, thanks to all your help, thank you so much for your help, John”

“It’s been a pleasure, Doctor boss now, let's YOU help ME out now” he laughs.

“We will do our very best, to help you out and help you up,” Addison adds.

“You’ve been our favorite patient for weeks now, and you’ve opened up our eyes.

You’ve helped us laugh, you’ve helped us, love. You’ve helped us well upon our way” she says.

“You’ve helped me live, you’ve helped me laugh, and you’ve inspired me to love again,” he says. 

* * *

“Now I would like to leave a voicemail, would you help me with your phone?” John asks.

And Addison says sure as he dials his lover’s mother’s number all by heart.

And then John calls her all to tell her, 

“How he’d almost had it all. And how he wished he’d let himself fall enough to tell his husband the truth. And that if he had time before he had passed that he would have chased him all again.”

“Because true love, it was worth having, but he accepts the love he thinks he deserves now. And he’s realized that he's had it, at least one great love in all his life. And he thanks her for her son. And he thanks her for his life. And then thanks her all for everything, for everything he’s done.”

“And then he finally says he’s sorry, for all the lies, the time, the gone.” And then he cries a little, shakes a little and then he cries on Addison’s shoulder.

And she holds him as he recovers, from the tears and all the fears. And she holds him as he rests now, from having shared and for having listened.

And she holds him as he tells her his last wishes should this be the last time he’s on earth.

And she holds him and starts crying, too, when he tells her finally, to “go chase after that lollipop girl, until the very end of the earth. Tell her your secrets, let her ask you her questions. And then let her love you, let her catch you. And let yourself fall. Let yourself fall in her arms. And let yourselves fall in love” he says.

And Addison watches as the clearness comes over his expression, and feels as her own foggy green eyes have finally cleared up a little more than they have been in a long time.

* * *

And she leans down and presses a tender kiss to the man’s temple, before saying “thank you, for everything.” and then Addison promises, that she’ll tell the truth, and that she’ll try, and that she’ll fall. And that she’ll never look back after this moment, until she’s truly letting go, of all the pain of her past.

And he thanks her, for everything as well, for being the very best Doctor Boss there is.

And then he says it’s finally time, for him to decide finally, for him to decide to do the right thing, and for him to trust her and her team. To fall onto her operating table, and to trust that Karev, O’Malley, and Addison Montgomery, can give him the chance to live another life, no longer a half-life. 

One in which he will accept the love that John truly deserves.

* * *

  
  


And after the emotional moment has passed, Addison finally summons the 2 boys.

“Did you have a good _workout_ , boys?” John the patient asks of George and Alex with a wink.

“Very _athletic_ ,” George says sweetly. As John, the patient only smiles.

“Yeah, I feel like, _euphoric_ ” Alex says, unable to contain a sly smirk.

“We took the _stairs_ ” George exclaims without warning. John laughs out loud now, with tears of joy replacing tears of all.

“And not the _elevator_?” Addison lilts with her voice. EVERYONE knew that elevators were extremely potent aphrodisiacs around here. 

“Nah, what’s the rush in _that_ ” Alex exclaims at them all. “There’s nowhere to go in there, with the stairs you can go up and go down all day without stopping” Alex smirks even wider.

And George punches him slightly on the arm telling him to “shhh, shut _up_ ”.

* * *

And at this moment Addison reddens as she realizes that they had been literal when they had just mentioned they’d spent all their newfound free time in the _stairwell_.

“You boys better not be too tired in my O.R after all of that _exercise_ ” Addison sobers herself up immediately, and she teases them lightly as they all laugh it off. 

The patient mouths at Addison “thank-you” and, and Addison smiles at him back.

* * *

And then to herself, Addison thinks that it really should be Alex and/or George to be the ones to be gracing her with their words of appreciation.

For the sex, she means, for that. 

But Addison decides to start to follow his advice now, not to be humble beyond repair.

So instead of turning away or denying him his sincere gratitude,

Addison turns to John and says to him, out loud now “you are most wonderfully welcome.” 

And she really, REALLY means it.

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

******* END OF CHAPTER 21**

* * *

Author’s Note:

_NOTE: YES, I still totally REMEMBER Meredith Grey, Cristina Yang, Izzie Stevens, Richard Webber, Miranda Bailey, Preston Burke, Derek Shepherd & Nurse Bokhee exist... You’ll just have to wait till the next few days to see that they’ve been up to in the meantime! _

THANK-YOU folks all SO MUCH for the raving reviews of this piece. Every kudos/like/star. Every time this story is followed or favorit-ed or bookmark-ed or subscribed to this story. Every COMMENT - I live for your comments and waking up to them every day is my favorite. I’d LOVE some feedback on this work as we know it. It’s not the end of the world though, even if you can’t, I understand. :D 

But I’d still love to know your feelings, your favorite moments, your funny quotes, the things you are surprised at. And also the things that you might wonder about, or be frustrated or feel another emotion by reading this one. It’s a SLOOOOOOOW burn, I know. But we ARE getting there. I promise. 

So what do you think will happen next? Let me know in the reviews, I ALWAYS write back to each and everyone if I can (I can’t on fanfiction if you are a guest…). And I love the long and daily discussions picking the chapter apart. Fans have given me lots of plot ideas and have helped to plug some MAJOR plot holes (like JOE outing Addison). So if you find mistakes tell me and help I’ll REALLY appreciate it.

Enjoy the next approximately 24-48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

* * *

END OF AUTHOR'S NOTES.

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING !!!!! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY <3 <3 <3**

* * *

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all again, 
> 
> As for today's fic updates the only other thing I posted,
> 
> Is a new long (2000 word) chapter on
> 
> "RED is the new BLACK."
> 
> So if you were interested in that,
> 
> check it out and I'll see you in the COMMENTS <3
> 
> :) THANKS ALL !!!!! - @bobbiejelly


	22. Break On Through, Part Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Burke, Bailey, Derek, Webber, Cristina, Izzie and Meredith operate on a patient,  
> While working they talk about their experiences with same-sex love in their pasts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,  
> Shorter chapter today, due to uploading a LONG update to  
> "A Seattle Grace Mercy West Swingers Party - Post Plane Crash Edition"  
> Feel free to check out the new Chapter 3 of that after this :)

**_PREVIOUSLY ON “FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING”:_ **

* * *

Addison holds the no-longer-fake-pregnant-because-he-has-a-teratoma-patient, named John as he cries. And she starts crying, too, when he tells her finally, to “go chase after that lollipop girl, until the very end of the earth. Tell her your secrets, let her ask you her questions. And then let her love you, let her catch you. And let yourself fall. Let yourself fall in her arms. And let yourselves fall in love” he says. 

And Addison watches as the clearness comes over his expression, and feels as her own foggy green eyes have finally cleared up a little more than they have been in a long time...

* * *

_E_ _ND OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE._

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by me, @bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Chapter 22: Break On Through Part Twelve**

* * *

_**** This section occurs in chronological parallel with the previous chapter, in the same timeframe where Addison was talking with the patient, Alex & George were having fun, and the patient has had his operation.****_

_Ergo, I could say, "Meanwhile in O.R TWO..."_

“So who knew, Addison Montgomery is a lesbian!” Meredith tries to sound subtle and not at all chipper at this _(for her, at least)_ very exciting news. 

Cristina smirks a bit at Meredith who tries to look away first but Cristina catches her eye and Meredith blushes.

‘And what a cool way to come out, too, in an O.R no less!” Izzie says all romantically.

“Well, if you put it THAT way, I guess” Meredith laughs a bit nervously.

“Well do you want to go around and share all our ‘coming out stories’ Cristina says with a shrug as she stands at the side of the patient.

“Yeah!” Izzie says excitedly, mostly because she _really_ wants to hear Cristina’s.

“As long as your storytime does not interfere with my teaching time, I suppose I can allow it” Bailey pipes in with a hum.

  
She’s trying to be extra supportive of this because she knows that the other attendings (except probably Addison) would be very encouraging and accepting towards them all. 

“Well, I guess I’ll go first then” Izzie answers her very own question.

“So I grew up in a trailer park. But you knew that that’s not new. But what you might not have known is that the trailer parks always threw the most WILD of parties. And I liked to go to the parties in high school…” Izzie begins.

“And there were always these girls making out with these girls. And like I said before I always pictured myself with the princesses when I grew up. And these girls they both looked like princesses.” she adds.

“And anyway, one night my friends and I were at this one party playing the game spin-the-bottle. And there was a chance for me to join in the game. So I played spin-the-bottle and then I got a girl. And that was the first time that I kissed one” Izzie keeps going.

“Did you share that story with Addison? You two have a whole lot in common with your coming out experiences” Cristina smirks up at her and side-glancing at Meredith, just so she could see Meredith give her a frown. 

“We haven’t talked about that together, no. But maybe later. But anyhow, after she kissed me I asked her to do it again. And then we played 7 minutes in heaven, and then we were together then, too” Izzie says.

“So you're coming out of the closet, occurred while exiting a physical CLOSET!” Meredith now exclaims to her.

“Isn’t that SO ROMANTIC” Izzie swoons and Cristina swoons at that too and she says that it is.

“So how did you come out to your family then?” This time it’s Preston Burke trying to be nice and supportive as he sees Bailey’s and Richard’s piercing eyes on him.

“When I brought that girl home for dinner with my mom, I never said it was a girl because where we lived it always happened. So she just cooked her dinner like any other date. She told me later after we broke up when she moved out of Chehalis that she wished we’d still be seeing each other so that I wouldn’t have gotten all pregnant” Izzie says to her. 

“You were pregnant?” Meredith asks her gently.

“Yeah, I got pregnant in high school and gave the baby up for adoption,” Izzie says. 

“That’s really brave,” Cristina says very supportively. 

“Thanks,” says Izzie. 

“But I want to hear more of YOUR stories” Izzie exclaims.

  
  


* * *

  
  


“Alright here goes. So I had a bit of a thing with my college professor-”

“YOU DATED A WOMAN COLLEGE PROFESSOR!” Derek exclaims at her incredulously.

“No, Derek, I didn't. I was starting to tell the damn story,” Cristina says to him after she’s interrupted.

“So after I broke it off with him because he wanted it to be serious, I started sleeping around more. And I was attracted to talent and not genitalia, so I would spy on the smartest person in the whole class. And I would ask them out, boy or girl” Cristina offers.

“And sometimes they’d say yes, sometimes they’d say no. Sometimes I was a bit drunk, but other times I wasn’t” Cristina says all the same. 

And it wasn’t a big deal for me or any of my friends. But it was sort of a big deal to tell my mom. Because we come from a traditional family and she never grew up to be cool about it. It took her a while to accept it; to accept me. But she came around when my college girlfriend cleaned our whole house. She said she was good for me” Cristina says. 

“It didn’t work out with her for similar reasons to Izzie. She moved to Colorado to become a singer or a rock-climber. Not really sure which she was really good at both along with all of her academics” Cristina laughs.

“Wow so you really liked climbing up with walls with her, I bet” Izzie jokes lightly.

And to that Cristina leans over to whisper to Izzie, ‘not as much as I’d like it with YOU’ before moving away again.

“I really like that story. I'm glad I got to hear it” Meredith says to her. 

“Thanks, Meredith,” Cristina says.

* * *

  
  


“How about you, then,” asks Izzie.

“Yeah, go on, Mer” smiles Cristina.

“Well, for starters, the first time I kissed a girl was at a national science fair conference somewhere. We were the co-winners and she was the cutest thing ever I thought, that I knew- well that I knew back then anyways-”

Meredith cuts herself off before telling more of the story.

_(Truth be told, now that she thinks about it, she looks sorta like ADDISON... Meredith Thinks…)_

_(Maybe you have like a TYPE, Meredith thinks to herself. Like tall leggy redheads… Meredith blushes more now. )_

_(Yeah but this girl wasn’t NEARLY so tall and leggy as ADDISON is, and she’s not as COOL!)_

“So you were telling us about this winner of the science fair…?” Cristina eggs her on to pull her out of a thought spiral and save her from further embarrassment.

“Right, the science fair! Anyhow she was- Good looking- And she asked me out and so I said yes-” 

_(Meredith takes a pause because she almost DESCRIBED this woman who looked shockingly like Addison and she DIDN'T need her friends much less anyone else there to see the parallels as clearly as she did right then.)_

“And we went out for a drive to one of those old-fashioned drive-in movie theaters that she knew first hand because she lived there nearby. And the movie was ‘dazed and confused…”

“And in that movie, there are two girls who were kissing. And then we thought we’d try it so we started kissing. And then we kept kissing. And then we stopped watching the movie and started to-”

Meredith was going to keep going, forgetting herself at the moment as she relives parts of that fantasy.

_(Running her hands through red hair, kissing soft candy lips, having those soft candy lips run up on Meredith’s neck, leaving hickeys that boys all made fun of her for weeks for…)_

_(Meredith wonders if Addison’s lips taste that sweet. She never asked Cristina that because she thought it might be a bit weird. And she wonders if Addison would kiss her on the neck…)_

_(And she wonders if Addison would leave marks on her neck. Would she bite her there? God, Meredith can hardly contain a loud moan at the thought. Would Addison bruise if SHE kissed her... )_

_(Addison’s skin looks so soft to Meredith. She thinks it would feel like silk if she ran her fingers over it. She thinks it would bruise easily but she imagines kissing Addison on the neck anyhow…)_

_(She imagines marking all over Addison’s neck and shoulders. To show everybody she’s HERS and no one else’s, not Derek’s or otherwise. She imagines Addison kissing her neck all again…)_

“And then I think that’s enough of THAT part of the story for me at least” Richard Webber breaks into Meredith’s fantasies with a rough of his voice.

“Meredith, I know you don’t want me to treat you any differently, but I can’t help it if sometimes I feel like another family member to you. And as you uncle and father figure it makes me feel, rather ill, to hear about you in such… compromising positions…” he says.

“But I AM proud of you, for being yourself,” Richard says in his best dad-voice ever.

Thank-you” Meredith says with a gesture. He’s taking it all in much better than Thatcher Grey did.

“So how did you come out then, to your family?” This time Richard is really eyeing her curiously.

“Well after the conference, I wanted to fly back on the weekend to see this girl over again. But my mom didn’t understand why I cared so much, until I told her I like-liked her” she says.

“And I wouldn't have thought that my mother would ever understand. But she really seemed to and that’s one of the best moments I ever had with my mom, Ellis Grey” Meredith says.

“When I told my dad that, he just drank a lot of scotch” Meredith sort of winces at that one.

“And as for you, well I guess my coming out to uncle Richard moment just happened like, LIVE” Meredith grins as Richard gives her a nod of approval.

“I’m sorry I never told you earlier, Richard. It just never came up,” she says.

“That’s okay, darling. I understand” Richard says to her back. 

“Have you called your mother recently?” he asks her then.

“Not that recently” Meredith smiles. “Well tell her I said hello” Richard smiles at her.

* * *

Well those are some fine stories if I do say so myself” Bailey says to them supportively.

“Anyone else wants to share and tell?” Bailey looks around, asking inclusively.

Derek looks hard at the ground, not saying a single word.

His expression of darkness is darker, and Meredith notices the shift in him but doesn’t quite put the meaning together with it.

“Well, I will say that I have been with men in my lifetime” Preston Burke finally admits to them. 

“My mama Burke was very not proud. She was very homophobic and quite hard to please” Burke continues.

“So I thought it was okay to call people homophobic slurs growing up” he adds. “But I’m really glad that those days are behind me,” Burke says with a sigh.

They nod at him, all of him. But Baley is still eyeing him with a mild huff because of the way he’d been behaving towards Addison, earlier.

“Have you been with a man, Richard, Derek?” Burke asks the others innocently.

And Richard says no without much of a tone of surprise, and just says that he does find men attractive, but has never met one particularly he was interested in while he was single anyhow”

And when he asks Derek, he mumbles out a harsh “NO.” 

And then he looks at the floor again and no one wants to ask him any more than that. 

“Well I’ve only been with one woman in my lifetime, I take relationships very seriously” Bailey says, surprising nearly everything.

“It was before I ever met my husband, and she was also very beautiful. My girl version of Idris Elba” she sighs. 

“And my mamma and my dad didn't approve of that neither.

They were upset about it for a long, long, time before they thought that something might change. But it ain’t like that. It don’t never changes. But I never was with a woman long term so they never really needed to fully accept it” Bailey says. 

“I’m sorry,” Meredith says softly and gently.

_(If Addison were here, she might remark that Meredith was always the first one to say she’s sorry, even if she never caused any pain in the first place. And that it always seemed to help.)_

“Well, thank-you, Grey,” Bailey says with a smile. “I’m glad that your folks came around for you all, at least mostly,” she says. 

* * *

“Well, I might have an idea why your mother was so accepting of it” Richard speaks up.

Meredith snaps her eyes up to her transplanted parent in a bit of a shock.

“Well, before she met me at least before I really knew her she had a best friend you know. They were as close as you and Cristina” he gestures between Meredith and them. 

“And she was your mother’s person. Her name was Marie Cerone” Richard says softly.

“MY AUNTIE MARIE!” Meredith exclaims, thinking she hasn’t seen this aunt in quite a while.

“Your auntie Marie” he confirms. “Those two were close, very intimately. Your mother was a lot like Cristina, in a good way” Richard says with a smile and Cristina BEAMS at the compliment.

“And Marie-Cerone was a whole lot like Izzie, now that I think about it” Richard says in afterthought.

And I never really talked about it with her, after we- after we weren’t all that close anymore…

_(Richard trails off a bit now, not wanting to get into his whole adulterous love affair with Meredith’s Mother right now because he hadn’t really thought about how, yet.)_

“And I saw those two kissing one time. Marie-Cerone and your mother. And it wasn’t in a just friends sort of way. It was an “I really think they’re in love with each other, way” he says.

And there is a moment where Cristina and Izzie piece together the parallels between them and Richard’s story and the smile at each other with their eyes before looking away.

“And they never got to be together, because your mother broke her heart. She was too afraid of what people would think, what it would mean for her career.” Richard trails off. 

Back then, being women with women was not accepted as much as it is now” he says.

“And your mother wanted to be extraordinary. So she went down a road with Marie-Cerone. And she was the one to walk away from that part of their relationship” he says this.

_(Richard doesn’t say WHY he knows this. Why he knew that Ellis had been heartbroken and that no matter what Ellis said to him, that he always felt second-best compared to Marie-Cerone in Ellis’ life, and that he didn’t want to imagine what Thatcher might feel like, coming in only a third…)_

“When Marie-Cerone had one of the most painful experiences of her life at work-”

_(Richard doesn’t go into detail about this part because it is too painful to tell.)_

“Your mother did help her heal. She was there the whole way. But she never let Marie-Cerone have all of her. She never let herself love Marie-Cerone back the way she wanted to. She never let her touch her, never let the relationship progress to be more” Richard recounts.

“And so they were just that for a long time. They were much more than friends but much less than anything else” Richard says.

* * *

“And that was enough for her. It was enough for her for YEARS, for the both of them” Richard says.

“But careers got in the way, jealousy got in the way, research, grants, Harper-Avery awards…”

“Anyways, your mother had some great love in her lifetime, at least I think so-”

_(Richard covers this one up as quickly as he can but no one seems to notice)_

“But none of them compared to that one. She was her ONE, I think, she was” Richard says.

“She still talks to her sometimes, but not as much as Marie-Cerone always wants to” this time it’s Meredith who adds on more details to the story.

“They always seemed close. My mother always lit up when she called” Meredith says.

“They would talk there for hours, she would have her own world with her” Meredith adds.

“Yes, I think they did” Richard confirms, noticing how succinctly that Meredith had put this.

“That’s so sad that they never got to be together” Izzie sighs.

“It really is, I mean I’m all for career and awards and I don’t know. I don’t know yet what I would choose. I like to think I’m growing into a better person… more human…” Cristina says.

Izzie has the instinct to reach out to hold Cristina’s hand but she can’t, she smiles instead.

* * *

_(Meredith considers this story for quite a long time before coming up with a response.)_

“If I knew the love of my life was waiting for me, I understand why it might be a comfort, at least for a while, to be like you said; to be more than just friends, but less than anything else; to be in love with them, and so close, and yet at a distance,” Meredith Grey thinks.

_(She’s thinking of Addison now. She vaguely sees her thoughts glance occasionally to her mystery lover. But she’s half-but-convinced that this mystery person just is never going to exist to her and to tell her all their secrets. So she resigns herself to thinking of Addison more.)_

_(She thinks of if she and Addison ever became close like that if they were just friends, and a bit more, but less than anything else. How would she feel? How would she know? Would it be the right thing for them? Maybe it would NOW because Addison is in a DIVORCE…)_

_(But in a way it all just seems so damn LONELY. How could you wait there, not knowing if you could ever have them more than that, to go more than halfway, to go more than all the way in with them head-over-heels… Addison has pretty heels. She looks even leggier in her shoes..)_

* * *

“But I don’t know if I could live like that, live like that, forever?” Meredith questions.

"I don't know if that's a good thing for me or for them, to keep them so close but yet so far away," she says breathlessly.

“If someone was going through something where they needed a friend more than they needed a lover, then I can understand wanting to be the person they need you to be at the time,” she explains. 

“If what the love of my life needed a friend then I guess maybe I understand I would want to be that to them. But I still would, I would still WANT them. I would still crave them. And being around them it would make me so dizzy sometimes, at least that's how I think I would-could-ah-”

Meredith lets her voice trail off completely now, as she lets it all sink in what she’s saying.

* * *

_(About WHOM she’s saying these things, she thinks to herself. About her mystery lover still, but mostly not. Mostly, she's thinking about ADDISON...)_

* * *

_(Could she be just Addison’s friend if Addison doesn’t or didn’t like her back that way?)_

_(Could she even stand it? Being that emotionally intimate with her and then not being able to touch them in more than a friendly way? Not being able to kiss her like she wanted to-)_

_(IF SHE WANTED TO WHOA. All of these thoughts are so powerful and all over the place…)_

_(Would my love be enough to be enough for me if she only lets me have her like that, rather than nothing at all? Would I stay or go? Would I walk away? Would I leave her?)_

_(As more than a friend, but less than anything else… If it were Addison, would I ever walk away? Or would I stay? If I were only ever going to be second-best to her)_

_(How long would I stay by her side and then never let go?)_

* * *

Meredith ponders this question over every which way in her mind, for a very very long time.

And by the time she’s done thinking about this question, and questions like this, she’s all dazed and confused now herself. So she takes a deep sigh. And when they’re out of the O.R, Richard Webber puts his hand on her shoulder.

“You, be good for your mother,” he says like he’s trying to say more but he doesn’t know what else he can offer.

 _“_ Maybe I’ll see if my mom wants to call Marie-Cerone when I talk with her,” Meredith says to him.

“I think that your mother would like that very much,” Richard says with a sad smile. 

* * *

_(Because what Meredith doesn’t know then, is that at the time Richard had been willing to give up Ellis if it meant she could be with her one- her Marie-Cerone. But Ellis said no thank-you. And he tried to understand, and she cried, he held her. And he felt selfish, to hold her like that. To hold her still, even after she had Thatcher, and he had Adele. But still, Ellis was heartbroken. And she loved him back, but loved him only as her second best-. But he never let go...)_

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

******* END OF CHAPTER 22**

* * *

Author’s Note:

THANK-YOU folks all SO MUCH for the raving reviews of this piece. Every kudos/like/star. Everytime this story is followed or favorit-ed or bookmark-ed or subscribed to this story. Every COMMENT - I live for your comments and waking up to them every day is my favorite. I’d LOVE some feedback on this work as we know it. It’s not the end of the world though, even if you can’t, I understand. :D

But I’d still love to know your feelings, your favorite moments, your funny quotes, the things you are surprised at. And also the things that you might wonder about, or be frustrated or feel another emotion by reading this one. It’s a SLOOOOOOOW burn, I know. But we ARE getting there. 

So what do you think will happen next? Let me know in the reviews, I ALWAYS write back to each and every one if I can (I can’t on fanfiction if you are a guest…). And I love the long and daily discussions picking the chapter apart. Fans have given me lots of plot ideas and have helped to plug some MAJOR plot holes (like JOE outing Addison). So if you find mistakes tell me and help I’ll REALLY appreciate it.

Enjoy the next approximately 36-48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING !!!!! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY <3 <3 <3**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I know this one is a bit shorter, but I really liked the ending, so I kept it. More to come!  
> What do you think of the developments with Burke, Bailey and Ellis Grey's backstory told by Richard?  
> What do you think of their coming out stories? :D
> 
> Again,  
> Shorter chapter today, due to uploading a LONG update to  
> "A Seattle Grace Mercy West Swingers Party - Post Plane Crash Edition"  
> Feel free to check out the new Chapter 3 of that after this :)
> 
> It's here: 
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604244/chapters/56643277


	23. What A Difference A Day Makes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today was a really good day for both Addison and Meredith.  
> And the good days are the days that make all the difference.

**_Author’s Note:_ **

_ This is the longest chapter posted of this one so far, _

_ And it is ALL for you, fans. All for you. _

_ ENJOY! _

**_@bobbiejelly_ **

* * *

**_PREVIOUSLY ON “FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING”:_ **

  
  


* * *

Meredith lets her voice trail off completely now, as she lets it all sink in what she’s saying...

_ (About WHOM she’s saying these things, she thinks to herself. About her mystery lover still, but mostly not. Mostly, she's thinking about ADDISON...) _

_ (Could she be just Addison’s friend if Addison doesn’t or didn’t like her back that way?) _

_ (Could she even stand it? Being that emotionally intimate with her and then not being able to touch them in more than a friendly way? Not being able to kiss her like she wanted to-) _

_ (Would my love be enough to be enough for me if she only lets me have her like that, rather than nothing at all? Would I stay or go? Would I walk away? Would I leave her?) _

_ (As more than a friend, but less than anything else… If it were Addison, would I ever walk away? Or would I stay? If I were only ever going to be second-best to her) _

_ (How long would I stay by her side and then not let go?) _

* * *

_ END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE. _

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_ In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by me, @bobbiejelly _

* * *

**Chapter 23: What a Difference a Day Makes**

* * *

_“You never know the biggest day of your life is going to be the biggest. The days you think are going to be big ones, they are never as big as you make them out to be in your head. It’s the regular days, the ones that start out normal. Those are the days that end up being the biggest….” - Izzie Stevens, in her voiceover voice._

  


* * *

  
  


During the operation on the Teratoma patient, John, Addison is enjoying her company.

  


She’s enjoying the simple banter with the boys, Alex Karev and George O’Malley.

  


Much more than she might have otherwise expected to enjoy their company, that is (them being only her _interns_.)

  


But she enjoys how they all get along. And how they let her get along with them, with them.

  


And Addison is grateful, more than anything, that each of them has such a supportive group of friends at their side.

  
And she’s grateful they have each other’s backs, even if they’re also competing against each other.

  


And she’s grateful they’re dating each other rather than dating people like Derek or Burke all over again.

  


And she’s grateful they’re letting her into their lives. She feels like she’s slightly at least, a part of their quirky little world. And it’s something she’s strangely proud of.

  


More proud at least than of being a part of the Seattle Grace Attending Physician’s club at times. 

  


God, even Bailey didn’t have that cross to bear, her being only a _resident_. (Not that anyone treated her like “only a resident”- or had in a very long time.)

  


So she tries to keep a good distance, to maintain a good line with them, to be a good teacher (not a FRIEND-FRIEND like they were.)

  
And to be a good mentor, just a mentor who could relate to their antics and empathize with their conflicts.

  


And it was a good place for a line. At least, it had been. Before the subject of _women._

* * *

  
  
|  |   
---|---|---  
  
When Alex had brought up the topic of _women_ , Addison’s first instinct was to tell him to shut up about all that in HER O.R. 

  


But they were asking innocently enough- at least by Addison’s messed up standards as of late.

  


(Innocently enough being innocently asking her not in a way that they thought that she was _crushing on someone, and crushing on that special someone quite hard, at that.)_

  


(Innocently enough being innocently asking her about her nights and days and the way that she dresses just to ask for a _girl’s perspective_ , and not to reveal anything.)

  


So she lets them keep asking her things, and she asks them things too.

  


They ask her about her celebrity crushes, and she says that she’s had some for Emma Watson and Jennifer Lawrence (like literally everyone else!)

  


And they agree with her about both of those, as they go on to weigh the pros and cons of all of the Kardashians.

  


And then THAT’s how they got on the subject of fashion.

  


And then THAT’s how they started to ask her about her clothing choices.

  


And then THAT’s how the started to ask her about if she liked to wear scarves.

  


_(Addison does; partially out of the style and also partially about the fact that they covered the hickeys that she enjoyed having her lovers put on her in bed.)_

  


_(Not that that had been a particular problem of hers, as of late…)_

  


_(But still, not like she was going to give George and Alex the kind of satisfaction that an answer like THAT would elicit. Ugh. Men.)_

  


“Yes, I like to wear scarves sometimes,” Addison says noncommittally.

  


“You like them or you like that they cover the bite marks?” Alex Karev shrugs at her with a shit-eating grin.

  


Addison only scoffs in annoyance _(because he’s so RIGHT about that part as well…)_

  


And then George asks some seemingly more wholesome type questions about the color and the fabric of the scarves that she wears.

  


He plays it off as if he’s just asking her because his Mother, Louise O’Malley is super-super into scarves (and she IS, but that’s not why George is at all asking..)

  


“Yes I like scarves in a variety of colors,” Addison says a bit shortly.

  


_(Because she’s now thinking back to the idea of Meredith Grey giving her hickeys all over her neck and she’s starting to get aroused in the operating room at the thought…)_

  


_(God, she REALLY needs to get laid…)_

  


_(God, she REALLY needs to get a goddamned divorce so she could get laid as she pleases…)_

  


“Do you like any red scarves?” George asks her with his very best Bambi's eyes.

  


“Yes, O’Malley, I do in fact. I have one of my favorite red scarves with a green pattern on it. And it looks very nice matching my eyes. And you’d think that the color would mesh together like christmas but it truly is stylish all the same.”

  


And THAT seems to satisfy both of the boys because they say thank you as they shut up so she can operate.

  
And this is one of those other instances she might later have wished she’d had looked up.

  


Because if she HAD looked up at either or both of the boys at that moment, then she would have potentially noticed the way that they were looking at each other all _knowingly_.

  


Because the description of the scarf Addison has matches exactly with the description of the scarf that some mysterious person had been sneaking around their house wearing not at all long ago.

  


The hot girl they thought they’d imagined they’d seen when they were snooping from the small window from out of the attic.

  


The one that was so freaking small that Addison would not have known they were home, as she had spied at all the other windows when she’d gone and hid Meredith’s key back under the doormat but hadn’t known about THAT one.

  


But the realization didn’t do much more for the boys than to turn them on at the thought.

  


Because they didn’t know about the ‘mystery man’, they didn’t know about the mystery note. And they didn’t know about the mutual obsession between Addison Montgomery and Meredith Grey.

  


SO, all they got to think to themselves was how they were certainly going to talk to each other later about how their hot Doctor Boss lady was the one sneaking around outside of their house in a really cool and really hot red and green scarf.

* * *

  
  
  


“So what’s your type? Alex asks her with a jeer.

  
As he’s already gotten a bit of an imagery of Addison he can’t help himself but ask for more details.

  


Sure he had O’Malley but that didn’t mean that either of them would pass up an opportunity to fantasize about more girl-on-girl.

  


“Well, what’s YOUR type then?” Addison asks trying desperately to change the subject.

  


“Well, I guess I could go for some fiery redheads if you ever want to wing back to my side” Alex gives him a look that looks so SHOCKINGLY like Mark Sloan the way he smirks and it makes Addison sort of giggle uncontrollably.

  


“I’m sorry you just remind me of someone that I know” Addison laughs.

  


“Did you DO that person that you know?” Alex asks her in a tease.

  


He didn’t expect the answer to be yes, but the way that Addison flushes, totally embarrassed h=gives him all the answers that he needs.

  


“So was he GOOD,” Alex asks her in another jeer.

  


He’s not seriously trying to get into his boss’s pants.

  


He’s more trying to get George O’Malley to keep giving him that jealous and scathing look that overtakes his Bambi eyes with something much more possessive.

  


“Enough stop bothering Doctor Montgomery” George O’Malley saves her from answering.

  


“Thank you, O'Malley,” Addison says to him sincerely.

  


And George just tries to nudge Alex Karev with a gentle shove before Addison threatens to separate the two of them on opposite sides of the O.R table if they can’t get it together and behave,

* * *

  
  


The minute the surgery is finished, the boys run off somewhere to fuck.

  


So Addison is wandering the halls absently, vaguely hungry but still on-call till eight.

  


So eventually she wanders to her office, hoping she still has some snacks there but then finding she has none again.

  


_(Damn interns making me all flustered to the point that I binge snacks.) Addison thinks to herself in a huff, on the way to find the vending machine to indulge in some salty and sugary forms of nourishment._

  
  


* * *

As Izzie, Cristina, Meredith, Burke, Webber, Derek finish up THEIR surgery together, Izzie and Cristina predictably go to spend some alone time together as well.

  


They cuddle up in an on-call room and make out slow and steady, tasting each other like this for the first time. They don’t want to rush things too fast too soon. 

  


So they just let themselves kiss and kiss and nothing more. And as Izzie kisses Cristina softly she thinks it’s a wonder she ever thought that ‘doctor model’ was an insult after all.

  


Burke and Webber and Derek all head to Webber’s office as they drink a bit and talk about their love problems. Webber pours the drinks and doesn’t take any, because he is an alcoholic but allows the others to enjoy it.

  


Derek talks about losing both Meredith and Addison. And how that was pissing him off that they seemed to be cordial with each other and not hating in the least.

  


Burke talks about losing both Cristina and his Burke McBaby. Which Cristina was never going to have but that he didn’t know that anyhow.

  


And Webber talks to them about how he still cares for Meredith’s mother Ellis Grey, but ‘just as a friend’ which they sort of buy, as eventually, he remembers to talk about Adele.

  


Bailey doesn’t want any of it, so she heads to the cafeteria to buy herself some dinner and then finally calls her husband.

  


So Meredith Grey is left wandering the halls completely absently, She’s used to having a scattered team of interns around her, or some of them at least.

  


And even when they weren’t there, she’s used to having Derek chase her, or doctors paging her and ‘mystery lover’ mysteries to solve.

  


But the halls are strangely empty, not even Nurse Olivia is in sight.

  


So she eventually turns the corner and she’s delighted at the sight of a friendly face.

  
  


* * *

  
  


“So do you need a hand with that again or should I just let you fall to your death and laugh?” Meredith Grey quirks at the redhead attending who’s cursing at the vending machine while it refuses to swallow her quarter.

  


“Goddammit, why won’t you give me what I WANT, you damn machine” Addison yells at it rather idly, because she doesn’t like to yell at people but she yells when she’s upset.

  


“Careful it might start to hold a grudge against you” Meredith grins with a little bit of a smirk.

  


“Meredith” Addison turns rather breathlessly, but she’s careful not to tumble into thin air this time.

  


“Well, at least you’re still well on your feet this time” Meredith teases Addison playfully.

  


“Yes, well, it seems as though I’m securing better footing, now, these days,” Addison says rather thoughtfully as if she hasn’t been thinking about it that much before.

  


“Well it’s good to see you upright,” Meredith says, though I don’t know how much longer I can keep standing after all of that O.R time,” Meredith says sweetly.

  


“You still call Grey?” Addison says, not trusting herself not to stutter if she says “Meredith” again.

  


“Yup, I get off at the same time as you” Meredith smirks at her in a sort of knowing way to see if Addison’s breath will catch at that not-really-even-that-clever innuendo.

  


“Hah, Grey, yes it appears we do have the same shift” Addison recovers rather smoothly and this only serves to make Addison seem all that more mythical to Meredith.

  


“What do you say we split those sodas and our snacks together, now,” Meredith says with big blue eyes.

  


“Come ON, Addison, you promised that we would, earlier” she whines playfully.

  


“Yeah, I guess I sort of did, didn’t I” Addison smiles at her really big.

  


Addison hands Meredith the quarters, as Meredith brushes her fingers on purpose all over Addison’s palm as she takes them painstakingly slowly, one by one, by one by one.

  


And then she turns to feed the quarters into the machine before it spits out two bags of Cheetos, some milk chocolate and skittles.

  


“Seriously, sugar much?” Addison questions all her purchases.

  


“Come on you gotta TASTE THE RAINBOW, Addison, god you just came out have a little pride!” Meredith beams at her and she can’t help but let the pride and acceptance swell inside her chest.

  


“Alright then let ME get the sodas this time then” as Addison manages to successfully feed the dollar bills into the bill acceptor at the like seventh time that she rearranges it.

  


_(Meredith has to squelch an overwhelming desire to press her whole body up into Addison’s as she struggles like that to feel the heat of all her body by her own.)_

  


“Well, we better get straws so we can suck on all our doctor’s” Meredith smirks and turns before Addison can admonish her for that. But truth be had it the straw dispenser only had one straw anyhow. And when Addison reached into the soda machine, she found that they’d only managed to get one of the two sodas for between them.

  


“It’s ok, I don’t like to share usually, but I guess I’ll share with YOU” Meredith laces with some subtext that Addison has to try to not get all her hopes up about hearing.

  


Meredith has the instinct to take Addison by the hand to lead her away to somewhere more comfortable. But she checks herself before she does and instead points in that direction, keeping her hands to herself and on the snacks.

* * *

  
  
  


“We should probably check on the patient when he wakes up,” Addison says. “The one that is no longer pregnant, and no longer has a teratoma” she clarifies.

  


“You know, you’re a pretty amazing surgeon” Meredith blurts out, smiling wide at Addison before she could contain herself.

  


“Thank you, Grey,” Addison says to her with a smile. And she tries so, so hard not to mean it in her mind as something more.

  


“Hey, maybe we can hang out in that on-call room” Meredith gestures.

  


But they are met with a firm “GET OUT” from a couple making out so they rush off to find another.

  


But their luck does not improve as they start to open the door to the NEXT on-call room where they’re met with moans and pants and then some banging against the back of the door.

  


So they don’t open that one, obviously as they search for an on-call room that’s not being currently… _occupied_ but after they’ve scoured the whole hospital they resign themselves to the nearest supply closet then instead.

  


“Well at least they have these blankets,” Meredith says in a bit of a heap as she takes one down off the top shelf.

  


And Addison _could_ have come to help her, seeing as she’s taller and she has more reach than the smaller intern.

  


But she’s secretly allowing herself to catch a glance at Meredith’s midriff as she stretches out both of her arms up over her head.

  


And then she tries to grab onto the nearest… something because she’s suddenly not so steady on her feet all over again.

  


“Careful” Meredith steadies her, but to Addison’s disappointment, Meredith doesn’t wrap her arms all around her this time.

  


But the contact still feels like fire, even more now than just the last time. And so Meredith secretly squishes herself a bit closer and closer to Addison until she’s practically in the same airspace as she reaches for _another set of blankets._

  


“We want one to be our pillow, one to sit on and one for our legs” Meredith shrugs as she justifies a reason to have her body this close to Addison’s.

  


And Addison lets out an involuntary whine when Meredith finally moves away and moves to sit against the free wall and extend her legs out and wiggle her toes at her.

  


“Well, come, sit” Meredith pats the spot right next to her, and Addison considers whether or not this is a good idea.

  


“Well we’re sharing one soda anyhow and if we sit apart we’ll spill,” she says.

  


So Addison does go to sit next to Meredith and Meredith scooches so they’re touching again.

  


And Addison doesn’t move away at all so their shoulders are parallel and flush to each other.

* * *

  
  


“HEYYYY” Meredith steals the pack of junior caramels from Addison because she’s insisting that Addison is hogging them from her.

  


“Well YOU ate all the skittles practically I only got like seven” Addison smirks back at her in feigned annoyance.

  


“Well, at least I gave you one of every COLOR,” Meredith says generously.

  


“Or else how else would you know which ones you liked the taste of more?” she quirks.

  


“Well I’ve had skittles BEFORE you know, Grey” Addison still calls her by her last name because it’s shorter and well, she thinks that she might die if Meredith calls her “Addison.”

  


“Well I didn’t know that about you, _Montgomery_ because you didn’t like Cheetos before like now and now you do so maybe your tastes changed,” Meredith says with a pointed look.

  


“Well I guess that you win that one, Grey” Addison huffs and she feels warm when she hears Meredith tease her with her last name.

  


“Want some soda, now, Montgomery” Meredith is milking this last-name thing for all it’s worth.

  


“Mm, I’m getting thirsty” Addison says in a lower voice than she intends to and her own eyes darken at the thought.

  


Meredith just watches in fascination as Addison’s lips latch around the straw and she sucks in a big mouthful of Doctor Pepper before swallowing it slowly through her long and elegant throat.

  


“Mm,” Addison moans involuntarily before realizing where she did.

  


And Addison reddens at her own reaction and Meredith just teases her saying she ‘ didn’t know the Doctor could even taste so good on her tongue’.

  


_(Oh, GOD, did Meredith just go THERE! Addison thinks to herself in a flushed hum)_

  


“It’s good you should have some” Addison passes her the bottle because she doesn’t trust herself with the sweetness anymore.

  


Only Meredith makes a sort of similar show of looking Addison in the eye as she tugs her bottom lip to the straw as she sucks it all in.

  


And just the thought that Addison’s just had her lips were Meredith’s mouth is now making Meredith flush herself all hot and wanting.

  


God, they need to turn the heat down in this closet because you’d think they’d all be boiling.

  


“Wanna have one of the last Caramels?” Meredith says to Addison with a tease.

  


At Addison’s ‘sure’ Meredith, she FEEDS IT TO HER, allowing her fingers to reach slightly into Addison’s mouth as she attaches her lips to it, and thus to Meredith’s fingers.

  


And the feeling of Addison’s mouth all over her hands now is driving Meredith completely wild; she has to take a few deep breaths before finishing turning away and the rest of the caramels herself without offering any more to Addison.

With all the food and soda gone now, the sexual tension was growing stronger and stronger.

  


They no longer had a distraction from looking at each other and feeling the way each other’s bodies moved against each other.

  


Sure, it was only a brush of the shoulder here and a touch of the elbow there.

  


But it was enough to make them both glad they were wearing thick scrubs and panties and that they had a blanket over their legs right now, so the other wouldn’t see just how turned on and wet they were both becoming.

  


Addison shifts a bit nervously and uncomfortably at the throbbing between her thighs and this reaction is not unnoticed then by Meredith who bites the side of her lip in agony.

  


And thy might have stayed in that tantalizing situation all day long, just touching ‘platonically’ and teasing each other. 

  


And Addison wrapping her finger around one of Meredith’s hair curls.

  


And Meredith examines Addison’s necklace just for an excuse to stare right at her chest.

  


But all good things must come to an end, and in a life-saving yet also soul-crushing encounter where the two are staring into each other’s eyes as if they were daring the other to lean right on in and to close the gap between them...

* * *

Well, both of their pagers go off at once, and Meredith swears a loud “fuck” at the interruption, and Addison tries so hard not to ignore it in a huff.

  
  


But they do obey their pagers and they’re on their feet in a second, leaving the blankets tucked on the floor and putting the snack wrappers in the recycling.

  


“So this is really good news, he is AWAKE!” Addison tries to sound as positive as she can while trying not to sound disappointed she didn’t end up making out with the hot intern.

  


“Yeah, it’s good. I mean he was so good to us, about everything” Meredith says genuinely.

  


_(Oh, Meredith, you really have no idea just how damn good he has been to ‘US’ Addison thinks…)_

  


“DOCTOR BOSS AND LOLLIPOP LADY!” The patient John exclaims in happiness.

  


“Look who’s no longer ‘with child’ now” Meredith grins at him without surprise.

  


“Yes, well I am no longer carrying a twenty-pound weight, lucky me,” John says.

  


“And I’m John by the way if I didn’t introduce myself.” “Meredith” Meredith answers. 

  


“But I mean I think it’s cute if you wanna keep calling me ‘lollipop lady’ Meredith grins.

  


_(She smiles at him sweetly in a doe-eyed look that must have fooled my husband… Addison thinks with a slight annoyance. But she’s clearly working her charm on him so that every time he talks about her all I can think of is how her mouth moved on that sucker…)_

  


And then the patient must have read Addison’s mind because he was pointing to the tub of lollipops and motioning for Meredith to grab them.

  


“Well I think we can all use a little indulgence can’t we, I haven’t been allowed to eat well in days!” The patient says.

  


So he nods at Addison to reach them _(because I’m closer to the shelf Addison thinks?)_

  


Only this time she can see out of the corner of her eye it’s _Meredith’s_ turn to cast a longing look at Addison’s ass,

  


The patient never misses a beat before he pulls out the cherry one to offer to Meredith.

  


“You remembered,” Meredith says sweetly, genuinely happy someone did that for her.

  


“You, Doctor Boss can have the strawberry or vanilla” he offers the remaining ones to me.

  


“Hmm, I guess I’ll have vanilla…” Addison says as she tries incredibly hard not to imagine what the combination of cherry and vanilla and Meredith Grey’s lips might taste like.

  


“Well that sounds good I’ll have the lemon-lime” he steals one from the bottom.

  


And now that everyone’s unwrapping their suckers with their fingernails, the patient comments as if off the top of his head that “Doctor Boss sure must have some marvelous fingers” as Meredith tries to say “she does” without sounding WAY too lustily about the topic.

  


And with candy in our mouths now the sounds of tongues over the sweet suckers and the taste of the sweetness and flavors mixed with the involuntary moans coming out of Addison’s mouth and the ones that Meredith is letting out now on _purpose_ …

  


Well, all that is to say that it’s a damn good thing that John the patient keeps the conversation going with them both because they’d have a hard time getting a syllable out at all edgewise without his short specific questions.

* * *

  
  
  


Off John the patient’s gentle questioning, Meredith ends up sharing the story of her childhood when she rode on the carousel at the fair with her mother Ellis Grey.

  


And Addison ends up sharing the story she fell off her bike and almost broke her wrist before her brother Archer carried her all the way home to their house after.

  


John says that they seem to have very happy families and to this, they end up looking at each other and saying something along the lines of “you have no idea” in tandem.

  


_(And it pulls at Addison’s heartstrings because Meredith is clearly experiencing all of this for the first time, while SHE is remembering how Meredith and she talked.)_

  


_(They’d talked that night when she went to Joe’s bar to tell her Derek wasn’t coming and then the first subject they both shared other than the ‘we dated Derek and now life sucks club’ was about how they both had difficult mothers.)_

  


_(And Addison remembers how they’d joked about Addison having many, many names and how Meredith had found this insanely funny after many shots of tequila.)_

  


Meredith can see that Addison is somewhere far, far away in her thoughts now.

  


So she waves her own lollipop in front of Addison’s face and calls her “Addie” softly to bring her back.

  


The sweet sweet smell of Meredith’s cherry pop - A smell she’d experienced once before during the last time they’d been in this room licking lollipops together -

  


It was starting to drive Addison wild but her nickname made her snap out of it as she tried to rejoin the conversation without too many hesitations.

  


* * *

  
  
  


“So what’s up about your love lives, you go first Miss Lollipop Girl” John the patient asks Meredith directly, and he smiles and nods welcomingly at Addison who shoots him a rather vulnerable and terrified look.

  


“Addison - Doctor Montgomery!” Meredith tries to take her out of her glazed eyes.

  


“You bellowed, Doctor Grey” Addison huffs out in a reactionary slight of wince.

“Hi,” Meredith says then with a bit of a giggle. She wanted to lighten the mood.

“You certainly are, aren't you..” Addison responded as if that type of response seemed to make any type of sense at all. Not. Like that was not a coherent sentence at all.

“But you're not pregnant,” Addison concluded with a grin to show she could joke too. “And you’re not even fake-pregnant like our John-guy-here” she softens at his smile.

“No.” Meredith paused before asking Addison what she really cared to ask her now.

“Are you okay?” Meredith asks Addison as she sees that Addison looks suddenly scared, even more, scared than she remembers ever seeing her before.

_(And the way that Meredith asks her all so tenderly makes Addison remember when Meredith had taken off her purse and things and offered her the barstool…)_

“Fine.” she paused a beat “How are you?” Addison tries not to snap for no reason.

“I'm trying to choose between two people...” Meredith started before Addison cut her off.

“Well, okay, good luck with that.” she huffs out as she stands up abruptly, heading towards the door. 

_(Addison doesn’t want to hear about Meredith pining over Derek… because she’s married to him still… She tries to lie to herself at least.)_

_(Scratch that. She doesn’t want to hear about Meredith pining over anyone that isn’t HER.)_

_(Shoot. What if she’s pining over the mystery lover but she doesn’t know it’s Me. Fuck. What if I give it all away or John gives it all away I’m screwed I’m screwed….)_

Meredith's voice stopped her as she reached the door jam and she stopped her in her tracks.

“How did you know Derek was the one?” Meredith asks about him simply.

Addison spun back around on her high heels in alarm. She hadn’t been expecting THAT one from Meredith after they’d almost been dare she say _flirting_ all day.

“Excuse me?” Addison stammers out before Meredith could interrupt her.

“I know you hated me and all, and you don't owe me anything… nothing.. no thing.. what was I saying?” Meredith’s stammering too and Addison doesn’t know how to take that.

Addison rolled her eyes. A bit at that one, because she really DOES NOT HATE HER. SHE DOES NOT HATE HER AT ALL...

_(And maybe she never really hated her at all. I mean she didn’t KNOW about Derek and her, meeting his secret estranged wife must surely have been a shock…)_

“Derek.” Meredith snaps her right back into focus as Addison takes a deep breath in.

“Oh right” Meredith said, pausing. “I would know if he was the one right? I mean you knew, right?” Meredith is asking because she wants to know if Addison will ever think that _maybemaybemaybe_ that she could be Addison’s new _ONE, someday._

“I didn't know..” Addison fumbled for her words “Derek's the kind of guy... I just knew he wouldn't hurt me. Not on purpose anyway. Not the way I hurt him.” Addison concludes.

“He hurt me, you know when he chose you,” Meredith says in all her seriousness.

Meredith looked down at her hands until Addison started speaking, speaking really frankly and openly to Meredith about Derek for the first time since that bar night.

“I should have let him go, I should have stepped aside, been a better person… I should have done a lot of things.” Addison stammers and she’s not so sure she can speak.

“Me too.” Meredith agrees “A lot of things.” Meredith tries to articulate her meaning.

“I don't hate you,” Addison says after a long and weighted pause.

_(And it’s the closest thing she can bring herself to Meredith that won’t make her voice break.)_

_(It’s the closest thing she can say to the 'I’m sorry' that Meredith has already given her.)_

_(It’s the closest thing she can bring herself to say that’s not 'be my best friend or EVEN MORE.)_

_(It’s the closest thing she can say that’s not a ‘pick me choose me love me’)_

_(It’s the closest thing she’s said so far to acknowledge all her feelings towards Meredith.)_

“How come we've never talked like this before?” Meredith asked simply in the most innocent of tones. And John the patient shoots Addison a sympathetic look as she looks down at the floor, dropping Meredith’s gaze for a second and sighs to herself.

_(“The only reason YOU THINK we’re talking like this now for the very FIRST TIME is that I know you didn’t remember any of it from that night at Joe’s once the alcohol had worn off.”)_

_(Addison thinks every single word of that sentence in her head but she doesn’t move to say it all out loud. It’s still too painful. She sees Meredith’s cards out on the table now.)_

_(She’s even opened up to her about Derek, even more now than the last time.)_

_(But she’s so scared of Meredith’s tender voice, the one that always makes Addison’s heart throb a bit like when she apologizes or asks if she’s okay.)_

_(And the weight of all of this makes her not being able to do anything more than shrug at Meredith now. Hoping that somehow she’d catch on she didn’t want to talk about it.)_

Meredith nodded at Addison’s clearly conflicted expression.

She decided not to push as Addison had clearly opened up to her more about Derek and about her life than she really ever had before.

And so instead she looks into the reassuring eyes of John the patient who smiles up at the “lollipop girl” and wishes her good luck and says that he hopes her true love is only just around the corner.

Meredith leans in to give the patient a hug now. And as Meredith does, Addison smiles down at John as well.

And Addison almost jumps out of her skin when John gives her what can only be described as a “knowing wink” if there ever was one.

* * *

As if he were saying to her “you got a chance you know. You get your girl you know. She’s a keeper Meredith Grey, she is, you know. You tell her everything, you tell her, now go...”

And Addison is still paralyzed in her place as Meredith ends the hug with John the patient.

  


And John the patient asks for a bit of quiet so he can sleep and suggests that those two might try to do the same if they planned on doing anything at all that evening.

  


And Meredith says they’re still planning to go to Joe’s and she nods up at Addison so that she knows that she’s still offering the invitation for Addison to join her friends.

  


And Addison nods and smiles so Meredith knows she’ll join her and they both laugh when John offers them more lollipops for the road.

  


“No, no you keep them,” Meredith says to him. “They belong in this room anyway,” she says. “And I want this room to be special. Because YOU make it special and I don’t want us to be eating hospital lollops without you to hang out with” Meredith grins.

  


And it’s the perfect thing to say because it makes all of them sigh in friendship. And it makes Addison sigh of relief because she won’t be tortured by x-rated-imagery of Meredith Grey’s tongue before the next surgery at least.

  


_(She’s not so sure she could handle that and she doesn’t want to jump Meredith… yet. Meaning not while she’s still married legally to Derek, at least for now. For her sake.)_

  


_(And Meredith sighs in relief for that very very same reason. Because she doesn’t want to make Addison be a cheater behind Derek’s back. She wasn’t going to be like Mark to her.)_

So after the lollipop debate is settled they leave John the patient alone to sleep.

  


And they thank him once again, for all his fun and all these games.

  


And all John says to them in return is “thank you for saving my life - all of you and for allowing me to be a part of it. It’s an honor to see who you were those days ago to turn into who you are today, and to imagine just how extraordinary that you will all become.”

  
  


* * *

After that near-tearful speech, Meredith and Addison wander a bit around the hospital again. They get some water, freshen up, but still stay by each other’s sides.

  


They have a few hours left to go on their on-call time and they are tired.

  


But they don’t want to risk seeing anyone almost naked again so they stumble back.

  


For a while, they enjoy the search as if they’re really just enjoying running through the halls like Meredith remembers doing when she was a child growing up here.

  


Meredith tells some of these stories to Addison now, about how she had a doll called ‘anatomy jane’ who had all these little plastic removable body parts.

  
And Addison tells her about the times she and Archer would have ice cream and how he had always been her best friend to him then growing up.

  


And then sometime eventually Meredith asks what Addison’s middle name is. And when she says her full name “Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery-Used-To-Be-Shepherd-”

  


Then her heart clenches tighter as Meredith has the _exact same reaction_ that Meredith did that drunken night at the bar when she’d said:

  


“Jesus Addison if I had a name that was that long I swear I’d be jumping for joy if I were losing the one at the end of it” Meredith exclaims before she can think better of saying something as absurd as what she just did say.

  


And the reaction is so freaking’ similar that Addison lets a howl and she searches for a sign of recognition in Meredith’s eyes to see if that might bring up a memory but it doesn’t.

  


And so she tries to stop worrying about all that for now as they tear through the hospital playing a short game of hide and seek before finally realizing there are no more good places to hide.

  


So they stumble back into the same supply closet and someone makes a lame joke about how they’re going to be coming out of the closet a whole lot of times yet today.

  


This little closet they tiredly call their new ‘home’ as if they lived on some storage-closet deserted island with only themselves shut away for the world. And that they like it that way.

  


And they reach for the same blankets that they’d had before - before Addison pulls some more down from the shelf. 

  


And this ends up starting an impromptu mock pillow fight before eventually, Addison backs down because Meredith Grey is kicking her ass so hard at this task.

  


* * *

  
  


  
“How have you never gotten good at that at a sleepover?” Meredith grins to her.

  


And Addison just says that she and her best friend Naomi mostly took art classes to hang out for fun.

  


And it’s sweet of her when Meredith asks if she misses Naomi, and Addison says that she does.

  


And as Addison thinks about that, she realizes that this is the first time she’s thought about her best friend Naomi in a while.

  


She thinks she should call her, and she really really should.

  


But the thought is giving Addison pause because for the first time in forever Addison is not pining for her old life in New York back.

  


She’s not thinking she wished that she’d stayed or that she’d gone back there or that she was about to leave.

  


Thinking about all of the interns, and yes the attendings and Bailey and especially Meredith, Addison thinks that she’s settling now.

  


She’s settling a part of her life in Seattle. And she had never, not for one second ever expected she would be thinking that.

  


And Addison is thinking that what’s even wilder is that she’s thinking that maybe all of this was finally worth it.

  


She’d hated herself for a long time because of what happened with Mark Sloan.

  


She’d hated herself for not being enough for Derek Shepherd to care about her.

  


She’d hated herself for these feelings about women she’d been trying to repress for so long.

And now that a few of those things like the last two are generally seeming to resolve themselves, Addison wonders if it was all worth it in the end.

  


Worth it enough to be getting a divorce from her husband who she still secretly thought loved a man.

  


Worth it enough to be ending a relationship where neither of them had been happy for so long.

  


Worth it enough that she’s smiling in the company of an unlikely intern.

  


* * *

  
  
  


And eventually, they find themselves sitting again, sitting against the firm wall of the supply closet the same way they were tucked in today, and before that in the bathroom at Joe’s.

  


And that Meredith is smiling right back at her now. That ten-thousand-watt smile they each had been starting to have around each other.

  


And the one that Meredith is thinking about when she gets to hang out with Addison.

  


And Meredith thinks that maybe this is for the best and that she could be best friends with Addison.

  


Meredith thinks that she sure has a physical attraction to Addison but they seem to be controlling themselves fine about it even now.

  


And then Meredith laughs at the thought that they’re all hot and sweaty now in this supply closet and yet nothing past anything G-rated has happened at all here or otherwise.

* * *

  


And then Meredith thinks of the list of why she likes Addison better than Derek.

She’s so much kinder and smarter and so much nicer than Derek.

  


She always gives people a choice and she doesn’t think that she’s better than them. 

  


She always hangs out with interns and treats them as equals even when she has to tell them off.

  


She stood up for Meredith when she could have blamed her for all of it and never said a good thing.

  


She let Meredith start on her service and even made it bug Derek a little bit.

  


She thinks about how she hasn’t told many people about her kinda sick mother, but that she’d almost be willing to share that part of her life with Addison.

  


She thinks of how Marie-Cerone was her mother’s best friend and once lover.

  


And how those two still lit up for each other, every single time that they called.

  


And she thinks quietly to herself how she and Addison could light up for each other if she had her number to call...

* * *

  
  


Addison and Meredith then don’t say anything for a while just thinking alone happily, mutually in their happy thoughts.

  


And then out of the quiet and out of the dark, Meredith turns to Addison and says something nice to her suddenly:

  


Meredith says to her ‘this has been one of the best days I’ve had in so long.”

  


And Addison agrees that “it really, really has. And what a difference a day makes when the good days seem to be hard to come by but the bad ones can follow us around like the rain.”

  


And Meredith nods at her and tries to convey without speaking what she’s trying to say.

  


She’s trying to say without saying it “Addison you’re the reason my day’s so great”

  


She wants to say that to her, but at the same time, she doesn’t.

  


For the same reason, she’s promised herself all before; she’s not being a homewrecker, not anymore.

  


And Addison wants to say then that to Meredith too. She wants to tell Meredith “this day’s been all you.” 

But of course, she can’t say that, not with all the ‘mystery person secrets’ between them at least.

  


So she just looks into those blue eyes as Meredith looks into her green ones.

  


And they stare at the bright orbs like they’re looking at moonlight.

  


And it’s moonlight they’re talking about because sunlight is blinding.

  


No one can stare right into the sun. 

  


But the moonlight is special because it’s not alone it makes its light shine.

  


The moon glows off of a reflection. It glows off the support of another. And it still shines.

  


So they stare as if they were starting deeply in the moonlight.

  


And they hold their gaze longingly until finally, Meredith breaks it first, shiting her eyes down so she can fumble around to get them more covers.

* * *

  
  


And then Meredith tugs on the blankets and she’s placing them on top of hers and Addison’s lap now so she’s holding them close and she’s cuddling in closer.

  


And they don’t try to talk more now. They don’t try to say more. They’ve already said so, so much.

  


They just enjoy the silence, which seems like it’s saying even more than they know.

  


And it just all feels so warm and so welcoming and the weariness of the day…

  


The weariness of the day is finally washing all over both of the two surgeons now.

  


_(If I lay here if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world…)_

  


Addison thinks as she leans her head down onto Meredith’s shoulder.

  


And Meredith pulls her in tighter, resting her own head atop of Addison’s.

  


( _And Addison says to herself she’ll just let herself sit there for a little bit longer.)_

  


_(And Meredith says to herself she’ll just rest her eyes only for a short moment.)_

  
  


* * *

  
  


_(And Addison thinks again about what John the patient had said to her about secrets.)_

  


_(She tries to think of a clever way to say all that she has to say someday but it’s so hard.)_

  


_(And then Meredith starts to hum something, and then she starts singing something softly.)_

  


_(And Addison thinks she’ll just listen for a while, and then bask in the music some more.)_

  


_(She hears the sweet, sweet caress of Meredith Grey’s beautiful voice as she sings….)_

* * *

  
  
  
  


**_"Turn To Stone" by Ingrid Michaelson_**

  


_Let's take a better look_

_beyond a story book_

_And learn our souls are all we own_

_before we turn to stone_

_Let's go to sleep with clearer heads_

_and hearts too big to fit our beds_

_And maybe we won't feel so alone_

_before we turn to stone_

_And if you wait for someone else's hand,_

_(If you wait for someone else's hand)_

_Then you will surely fall down_

_(If you wait for someone else's hand)_

_And if you wait for someone else's hand,_

_(If you wait for someone else)_

_You'll fall, you'll fall_

_I know that I am nothing new_

_There's so much more than me and you_

_But brother, how we must atone_

_before we turn to stone_

_And brother, how we must atone_

_before we turn to stone_

  
  


* * *

_(And as Addison’s eyes close as well and she soothes herself softly to sleep…)_

  


_(The last thing that Addison thinks she feels Meredith running her fingers through her hair…)_

  


_(Is that both Meredith Grey could be a really great singer… and that that song would be a wonderful one to have played at a wedding….)_

  


_(And in her so tired she’s practically a drunken stupor, Addison thinks of a wedding to Meredith… and that maybe she’d ask her to marry her someday...)_

  


And as Meredith Grey sees that Addison Montgomery has finally fallen asleep,

  
She can see all the struggle, all the wariness, all the pent up frustration and hurt all just leave her body, leaving only the happiness, the joy, and the empathy left here on her face.

  


Meredith can see how peaceful and happy she is. And she wishes she could hold onto this moment, forever, with her. 

  


She wishes she could never forget the feeling she’s feeling right now, holding Addison Forbes Montgomery as she sleeps the day away, as she is here, safe, and in her arms.

* * *

  
  


**_And today was THAT day, but you didn’t know it was that day, then. Not at the time, or for a while later..._** _It was beautiful. Perfect. You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day, not until it’s happening. You don’t recognize the biggest day of your life, not until you’re right in the middle of it._ ** _Or in Addison’s case as she’s falling asleep._**

  


_The day you commit to something or someone. The day you get your heart broken. The day you meet your soulmate. The day you realize there’s not enough time because you wanna live forever. Those are the biggest days. The perfect days. You know, it was a beautiful day.” ‘_ ** _It’s a beautiful day today’ Meredith thinks. SHE’s so Beautiful now._**

  


_\- Izzie Stevens, in her voiceover voice, excerpted from GA Season 5, Episode 22 AND Overall in GA from the beginning, Episode 100. “What a Difference a Day Makes”_

  


**(Mostly. Part of it’s changed. Because today** ** _wasn’t_** **a wedding in this story “Falling Apart, Barely Breathing”. It wasn’t a wedding. But it** ** _was_** **a** ** _beginning_** **. It** ** _IS_** **one… ;)**

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******* END OF CHAPTER 23**

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_ Author’s Note: suggested reading, they are different from the last ones. _

PLEASE RE-READ: CHAPTER 2 HAS BEEN UPDATED - TO INCLUDE MORE CONTENT.

Sometimes I back-edit Chapters to rule out consistencies, to fix out some typos, and to make it all flow better.

And usually ie doesn’t really matter to the story, but the ONE hint that I will give you (albeit a relatively CRYPTIC ONE) is that before reading the next chapter, I advise you to reread Chapter 2: Into You Like A Train, and to see if you can notice the changes that have been made.

Thanks for the reviews of the last few chapters, I am taking your feelings into account.

Shout out to “I'll Feel Better When the Headaches Go Away” by  [ StephIsInsanity ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StephIsInsanity/pseuds/StephIsInsanity) for the awesome transcripts of the morphine scene from season 3 of GA, a clear allusion here.

YES there are a LOT of gay parings. Will they ALL be gay pairings? Will they be endgame?

Those are questions I am considering back and forth but can not give you an answer to yet.. :D

_ Enjoy the next approximately 36-48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY! _

And I know this chapter is really fluffy and seems like an ending….

But I promise you it’s a reward we’ve all earned together, but it’s NOT an ending.

It’s still a beginning, as I said. So stay tuned for some more plotlines as we continue the story!

And leave a note please, I LIVE FOR THE COMMENTS !!!!

@bobbiejelly

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**THANK YOU FOR READING !!!!! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY <3 <3 <3**

* * *


	24. Break On Through, Part UNLUCKY 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucky.
> 
> If there was one singular word that Meredith Grey would describe her life as at the moment,
> 
> That would be the one she would choose. Lucky. Yep, that was the one.
> 
> Why was she so damn lucky, you ask? Why was she so sure she was the epitome of luck?
> 
> So lucky she was the DEFINITION of lucky when she was woken up several hours later?
> 
> Well, that would be partially because she had been awoken from a particularly pleasant nap.
> 
> And that she had been awoken from a particularly comfortable position, which she was still in.
> 
> And despite the fact that she had been awoken at an inopportune time, in an inopportune position.
> 
> And in a - dare she say a rather incriminating position; cuddling with an inappropriate person.
> 
> And yet, all of this made Meredith Grey feel selfish and indulgent, and yet, extremely lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS ALL!

_Author's Note:_

_Hope you enjoyed the last fluffy chapter._

_Here is a new one that REALLY broke the length record!_

_Have a good day, let me know what you think._

_And if you have any requests for this story._

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_**PREVIOUSLY ON "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING":** _

* * *

_(And as Addison's eyes close as well and she soothes herself softly to sleep…)_

_(The last thing that Addison thinks she feels Meredith running her fingers through her hair…)_

_(Is that both Meredith Grey could be a really great singer… and that that song would be a wonderful one to have played at a wedding….)_

_(And in her so tired she's practically a drunken stupor, Addison thinks of a wedding to Meredith… and that maybe she'd ask her to marry her someday...)_

And as Meredith Grey sees that Addison Montgomery has finally fallen asleep,

She can see all the struggle, all the wariness, all the pent up frustration and hurt all just leave her body, leaving only the happiness, the joy, and the empathy left here on her face.

Meredith can see how peaceful and happy she is. And she wishes she could hold onto this moment, forever, with her.

She wishes she could never forget the feeling she's feeling right now, holding Addison Forbes Montgomery as she sleeps the day away, as she is here, safe, and in her arms.

* * *

_END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE._

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by me, bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Chapter 24: Break On Through, Part** _ **Unlucky**_ **Thirteen**

* * *

_Lucky._

If there was one singular word that Meredith Grey would describe her life as at the moment,

That would be the one she would choose. _Lucky_. Yep, that was the one.

Why was she so damn _lucky_ , you ask? Why was she so sure she was the _epitome of luck?_

_So lucky she was the DEFINITION of lucky when she was woken up several hours later?_

Well, that would be partially because she had been awoken from a particularly pleasant nap.

And that she had been awoken from a particularly comfortable position, which she was still in.

And despite the fact that she had been awoken at an _inopportune time_ , in an _inopportune position._

And in a - dare she say a rather _incriminating position_ ; _cuddling_ with an _inappropriate person._

And yet, all of this made Meredith Grey feel selfish and indulgent, and yet, extremely lucky.

Because as she was here in this unlikely supply closet, lying on the damn _door_.

But it was because of who she was with; she was with Addison Montgomery.

She was holding Addison Montgomery in her arms. Like she had loved doing and was still doing.

And she was just watching Addison breathe as she slept. In and out in and out.

As she traced shapeless patters on the pale of her skin, enjoying the platonic touches.

As she soothed her hands through Addison's gorgeous red hair. She LOVED Addie's hair.

And as she felt Addison's beautiful warm body pressed up into hers. She's SO pretty.

She just looked so peaceful. So sweet and bright and almost ten years younger-

_(Though she would never DARE say a thought like that to Addison's face! She wasn't OLD!)_

But it was the look that was devoid of the self-hatred and anguish that Meredith was relishing.

And she wanted to say something then, to say something she couldn't while Addie was awake.

So she mouthed the words without even speaking them into the darkness. Just her lips.

She mouthed out "Addison I want you to be one of my best friends forever. I want you…"

She mouthed out "Addison, I want to cherish you always, I want to take away your pain."

She mouthed out "Addison, I want to hold you and keep you and love you if you love me back-"

Meredith was relishing this, taking it all in as she mouthed all her bittersweet nothings into the darkness before them.

And she was losing herself, losing herself in this moment and losing herself to the void.

She was losing her sense of what's wrong and what's right, because Addison is still married she reminds herself. And you're still the dirty ex-mistress. And she still thinks of herself as a whore…

And you can't say and think all of these things about Addison if you're still tingling about that weird sort of 'mystery lover' that you're trying to get over but they keep nagging under your skin.

And you can't say that you love her before you know she could love you back, or like you. Or date you for starters. God, lesbian u-hauling was a stereotype but she never thought she would ever have it for someone like - THIS BAD, and THIS FAST, and THIS FURIOUSLY-

She was so furiously enamored by Addison and it took all of her energy not to plant sweet sweet kisses on the top of Addison's hairline as she slept in her arms.

But she didn't, not even as a friend because she knew they'd mean more to her.

And she worried if she didn't find out soon if Addison liked her, then she would be falling deep head-over-heels for this girl for real. And that there would be no damn thing either of them could ever do to stop it.

So Meredith just sits there contentedly, feeling selfishly and indulgently lucky as she could be.

Wishing she could someday say those wishing words aloud to Addison. She sits there. Happy.

Happy, that is...

Until her pager started to go off. Twice. And she tried to answer it without waking Addison but that proved to be quite a chore with no light and no moving too much… She tried. She really did.

* * *

_Unlucky._

If there was one singular word that Meredith Grey would describe her life as at the moment,

That would be the one she would choose. _Unlucky_. Yep, that was the one.

Why was she so unlucky, you ask? Why was she so sure she was the _epitome of Unlucky?_

_So Unlucky she was the DEFINITION of Unlucky when she was woken up several hours later?_

Well, that would be partially because she had been awoken from a particularly pleasant nap.

And that she had been awoken from a particularly comfortable position, which she was still in.

And that she had been awoken at an _inopportune time_ , in an _inopportune position._

And in a - dare she say a rather _incriminating position_ ; _cuddling_ with an _inappropriate person._

Dare she say she had been woken up from her particularly pleasant nap in the most particularly comfortable position with the _most possibly inappropriate person to be in an incriminating; cuddling, to be with, at least, if not really to HER, then,_ _ **but to the person who'd woken her?**_

* * *

Namely, Meredith Grey had been woken up by none other than her ex-boyfriend,

And thus Addison's current husband and soon to be ex-husband- _(hopefully really soon?!)_

Who had walked in on them cuddling when she had slept through _nearly_ ALL of her pages.

And the last two that she had finally been awake for she had only just started to respond to.

Started to respond to when HE, THE, HIM, _**Derek Cristopher Shepherd**_ , walked in on them.

Walked in on **his ex-girlfriend** **and his** **soon-to-be-ex-wife** _asleep_ _ **in**_ _**each other's arms.**_

He had walked in to see Meredith Grey snoring soundly, with her head resting on a blanket.

He had walked in to see Addison Montgomery snoring less loudly, her head on Meredith's chest.

He had walked in to see his current wife and current _crush_ , cuddled up in _each other, asleep._

And he frowned for a second when he saw them because he thought that his eyes were blurred.

He thought he had been imagining this whole scene; that it had been a wet dream of some sort.

Or some sort of trick of the eyes at the very least. Hey, he was tired from all of his surgeries.

But as he kept looking at them, he pinched on his wrist to feel that he was not dreaming.

He blinked his eyes over and over to make sure that he had not been _daydreaming, either._

But Derek wasn't dreaming, or daydreaming, or hallucinating, or imagining or inventing.

**Derek was seeing, he was hearing, he was smelling, he was sensing. He was believing.**

**And he was believing what his** _**eyes could**_ **see. (** _ **What he THOUGHT he could see.)**_

 **He was believing that his wife-soon-to-be-ex-wife had been cheating on him,** _again_.

 **And that not only had she been cheating on him** _again_ , like with _**MARK.** _

**But that she'd been cheating on him now, with a** _woman_ , no less. And with HER-

 **With Meredith Grey -** his ex-girlfriend or ex-mistress or ex-something to someone somehow.

That not only had his soon-to-be-ex-wife just come out to the world as a _lesbian_ or _bisexual_ -

 _Whatever_. Not only had she just come out to him and to her and to others as _not only straight._

She had also just come out to him and to them right before _betraying_ HIM with HER.

And right out underneath his bare nose, right in plain sight of them all. In the _hospital_ , no less.

And all this on SHIFT, while they were both still on-call. And not even in an on-call room, either.

Not even in a room with a locking door. Not even in a room with a damn BED for heck's sakes.

They had been sleeping together, tangled up in each other, in a christ-forsaken _CLOSET._

As if the irony had not even escaped him then, it had not escaped him at all, not for a second.

No, the irony was not lost at all on him, Derek, as he walked INTO the closet now.

* * *

As he SLAMMED the door behind him, causing it to BANG and wake up Addison, now.

This caused her to jump out of her skin and startle Meredith, again, who was already _awake_.

She had already been awake for a few minutes trying to answer his pages when he arrived.

But she had been trying to answer his pages on her pager without moving too much-

And without stirring around and without leaving a light on so as not to _wake_ Addison.

Because Meredith, SHE had been paged then, but Addison hadn't. Not yet at least.

And Meredith had woken up seeing how soundly Addison was still sleeping.

And she was _so_ tired. And _so_ sleepy. And _so_ overworked. And _so_ stressed out to the nines.

( _Even if Meredith didn't know yet, then, why and how Addison had become so stressed out…)_

And she was so comfortable lying there in her lap, that Meredith wanted to keep her there.

She wanted to keep Addison there still asleep in her arms. And when she couldn't do that-

When she couldn't keep Addison in her arms as she'd been paged, at the very least-

The least she could do for Addison after all that Addison had done for _HER-_

_(And all of the things Addison had done for her that she didn't even remember she'd done-)_

The very least she could do for this girl was to tuck her in under the covers,

To tuck her in, still wearing her yesterday's clothes. And to let her sleep soundly, again.

To sleep for _just a little bit longer._ Long enough that Meredith would be gone when she woke up.

Meredith wasn't sure where or why this instinct had somehow kicked into her then.

Why it had told her to tuck Addison in without waking her and to slip on out behind her then.

But it had, and she had tried. She had tried to extract herself and to tuck Addison in behind her.

She tried, but as she fumbled with her pager she didn't see him appear in the shadows.

She didn't see his scathing look of pain. Of loss. Of jealousy. Of anger. Or betrayal. Of _hollow._

She didn't see his expression contort into all of these emotions as he stared at them, then.

She didn't see his emotions all tangled inside him. Instead, she only saw him _after_. _Then. NOW._

Meredith could see through the darkness, Derek's figure appeared, as he walked in all slamming.

* * *

Addison could see through the darkness, Derek's figure appeared, as he walked in all slamming.

Addison could see through to HIS darkness, she'd known him longer than Meredith had.

Addison could see right through to his pain, loss, jealousy, anger, betrayal, and _hollowness._

She wanted to say something then. She wanted to say what she thought she should say.

She wanted to say something like the truth that it was, that she _wasn't_ cheating on him.

She wanted to say something like "it's not what it looks like" and "this is the first time."

But all those things would have sounded to him like a lie. Or three lies. Or MANY lies.

And Addison knew that if those kind and gentle words were to fall from her lips to him,

That he would never believe them from her at that moment than anyways,

Even if all of them had been and still were honestly true… even if she'd been _tempted_ by _more._

* * *

So then Meredith spoke to him, spoke to him softly. She roused from her pillow, their blanket.

She placed a single kiss onto Addison's forehead as she stroked her hair before she got up.

And she whispered back to Addison as she followed Derek out of the room then, she did.

She whispered to her "I'm sorry," as if she had anything at all to apologize for.

As if they had anything at all to be ashamed of, anything at all to be apologizing for, to him.

But Meredith whispered to her the "I'm sorry," in the way that she _does_ and it kills Addison.

It positively kills Addison every time Meredith says "I'm sorry" for pain that is not even her fault.

But she's shushed silent by Meredith now, who's whispering something more back at her.

Meredith whispers "I'll handle this. I'll handle it with him. I'll take care of it so he knows the _truth_ "

Meredith whispers to her then she's gone. And the weight of the world crashes down now again.

And the weight of the world weighs on Addison now as she lies back down again, on the floor.

Where there's nothing to rest her head on underneath her so she reaches for the blanket now.

She reaches for the blanket Meredith had been resting _her_ head on when they'd been asleep.

And she lays her head down on it and turns onto her side. She turns into the 'pillow', now.

* * *

She turns her nose into it as she inhales. As she inhales the scent of lavender, of Meredith.

She inhales the sweet scent of Doctor Meredith Grey. As she thinks that she misses her.

And she thinks that's a stupid thing to think. Because Meredith wasn't even _gone_.

Meredith hadn't _left her_. She had left her alone, but because she was only _doing her damn job._

Which, Addison realizes she should also _probably be doing_ at the moment now, probably.

Rather than curling herself into the blanket now right here on the _floor_. Of a _supply closet._

Which seemed like a terrible idea as a place to take a nap. But she was here now, I guess.

And _Meredith had been here._ So this space smelled like _her_. So Addison stayed there.

She tucked herself under the covers again, wishing stupidly that Meredith could have.

That Meredith had had the chance to tuck her in properly before she had left her. Well, _left._

After she'd apologized to her for no reason and said that she'd 'handle it.' And she _kissed her._

_MEREDITH GREY HAD KISSED HER THERE ON HER FOREHEAD IN FRONT OF HIM!_

She had kissed her right there on the forehead in front of him - in front of DEREK.

And she had stroked on her hair before pulling away. And she had held her then.

Meredith had held her in her arms as she slept. And she had held her and cuddled her.

Meredith had sung her to sleep. She had sung her to sleep as she held her and cuddled her.

As she stroked over her hair. As she thought of things that she wanted to say back to her.

But that had died on her lips as soon as Meredith had started singing to her, she stopped.

She stopped thinking of all of those things, of all of those truths or those lies she had to tell.

She stopped wondering what would happen when she finally told Meredith the WHOLE truth.

She stopped worrying herself into pieces and she just let herself go. She let herself then.

She had let herself go by then, enjoying Meredith's company, time, and her body's presence.

She stopped thinking about things like the consequences or the implications or anything.

She had just let herself fall and fell into Meredith's comforting arms, her embrace.

She stopped thinking about how she had to tell her, but how she had to divorce Derek first.

She had to tell Meredith. But she had to divorce Derek first. _And she had to tell Derek the whole of the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. Even about what had happened that night she had left him. She had to tell him too, about the note and the mystery and about THAT night._

_She had to do the right thing. He was a McBastard but he was her husband, he deserved to know._

_And she deserved to know, now, too._

_Addison just had to muster out the courage to break all of that news._

_And to suffer the consequences, be it good or bad or who knows where in between..._

* * *

Meanwhile, in the O.R, Derek and Meredith were operating on their shared patient now.

The male patient had suffered some head trauma so Derek was slicing into his skull, and Meredith was being at his side as his assistant.

He was not speaking to her at all, not addressing her nor even looking at her for the longest while.

Until finally he asked her, his big McDreamy eyes all watery and blue "Why did you sleep with her?" is all that he asked her.

"She was _so tired,_ " Meredith said to him honestly. She wonders after all of this, that somehow she could still convey her thoughts to Derek Shepherd in a way he could understand.

As he nods for her to keep going on Meredith starts to explain again.

"She was exhausted after operating all day. We tried to find an on-call room to rest in but they were all kinda, full…" Meredith trails off because she does not want to dwell on that part.

"Go on" Derek motions her with his head and with a short grunt.

"And I was exhausted so we got something light to eat, and we checked on our patient, and then he wanted to nap, and then so did we…" Meredith specifically says "nap" to be clear.

"So the only place we could find that was private was in that supply closet. So we camped out there with the baby blankets and we were just chatting for a while. And then she rested her head down onto my shoulder" Meredith tries not to wince as she explains this to Derek.

She can imagine that Addison wouldn't really want everyone to know about her being so vulnerable and her needing things from people - from interns like her, especially.

"And then she curled up in my arms and I didn't want to wake her, so I laid her head down onto me and eventually I lay down and I must have fallen asleep then as well," Meredith says pleadingly.

"The next thing I remember is waking up to two pages from you, trying to answer them in the dark and then you walking in, slamming the door and following you and saying 'I'm sorry."

Derek takes in all of Meredith's supposed story and he hums to consider it as if he were mulling a taste over inside of his jaw.

"So you slept with her then. You slept with Addison! Really! While she's still MARRIED to me?" Derek says to her bitterly.

"No, Derek. I didn't sleep with her - not in that sense. We were both sleeping because we were both falling asleep, and we were together. But we never had sex if that's what you're trying to ask me when you accuse me of 'sleeping with her'" Meredith says even more pleadingly.

"But did she sleep with YOU?" Derek asks her and Meredith's not sure how to understand that because she thought she just answered that question.

"We never did anything, Derek, we never had sex! We were never naked not even half-naked I slept in these scrubs and she slept in hers too. We didn't even change into fresh ones, we were so tired!" Meredith is yelling now.

"We never kissed, we never touched, we only talked, and we didn't talk about sex, and we didn't talk about kissing or touching and we didn't talk about YOU" Meredith answers that question there right off the bat.

_(She does omit to mention that they had not exactly been subtle about their flirtatious glances or innuendos or about sexily eating caramels and skittles. Wow. Ok that one sounds lame when you think about how it would sound like, out loud Meredith cringes a bit inwardly at herself.)_

"Are you SURE about that?" Derek says accusingly.

"Yes, I'm sure about that!" Meredith almost yells now.

_(I'd be pretty damn sure if I ever got to experience actually kissing or touching or having sex with Addison Montgomery. Fuck I'd remember that for the rest of my damn life if it happens…)_

"What about YOU Derek? Why are you asking ME all about it? What about asking your SOON TO BE EX-WIFE!?" Meredith yells at him back.

"Well she isn't standing right here next to me now is she?" Derek comes back at her lamely.

"Well, that's because she's off doing her own damn job Derek and not stuck here with your questions" Meredith hisses at him right back.

"So you're sure you never did anything together like have sex in that supply closet? Because it would be ironic to have sex in a closet when gays are supposed to br coming out of them not inside of them…"

_(MmKay, Derek went there… It was way more fun when she and Addison were joking about that then the way Derek is putting it to me now…)_

"Derek, one thing I have to ask you is why do you keep asking me this when you know that I'm not lying to you?" Meredith finally says rather thoughtfully.

"Why would I know that for SURE?" Derek asks her.

"Well to be blunt Derek, I mean you've slept with both of us, so wouldn't you remember what we looked like after having just had sex?" Meredith questions.

"I guess I had not thought about that," Derek says thoughtfully.

"How did I look after just having had sex?" Meredith asks him.

"Well, when you looked all fucked out you had your hair all wild, you were moaning and sweating and glistening with come" he says lewdly.

And the thought of it somehow does not turn Meredith on the way it probably would have used to not so long ago.

"Well, did I look like THAT just then? Do I look like that to you now?" Meredith asks.

"Well, no not really. I mean your hair was down but you don't have any bite or scratch marks anywhere either or lipstick smears on your neck…" Derek says nonchalantly as he examines her up and down for such things and fails to find any.

And Meredith looks away from him now, because he had just accidentally confirmed some incriminating things about his soon to be ex-wife's habits in the bedroom.

_(And THOSE thoughts were turning Meredith on now. Damn, apparently Addison DOES like to bite. And suck on the neck. And probably also she'd scratch all of my back up and down with those manicured nails of hers and -oh god- that all sounds so delicious and naught…)_

"And what about HER?" Meredith tries to say casually.

_(I mean, in the most casual way you can ask your ex-boyfriend what wife was after being with him in bed; because you, the ex-mistress now wants to in the future bed his soon to be ex-wife once she finally is his ex-wife…. Awkward… But Meredith has gotten quite used to the thought…)_

"Well, she'd also have her hair all mussed out. It would radiate from her face and she'd look all calm and content. She'd have predatory glare in her eyes before sex, but the look sort of softened after she had become satisfied. Her body was less wound up and she was less likely to yell" Derek says with a bit of a wince. Plus of course she'd be sweaty and sticky… Of course…

_(Of course.. Because you had to go there… Even if it does sound rather tantalizing… Wow, Addison must look spectacular during sex. She can imagine how put together she is normally all prissy and clean in perfect clothes and perfect hair and perfect poise.)_

_(Meredith just wanted to be the one to make all that fall away. To make her come completely undone, to strip her down to her essence to exactly who she really truly is… And to have that predatory glint to be aimed only at her… And to keep her satisfied so she would be sweaty and sticky in HER arms…)_

_(So she could hold her calm and content after. Just like their nap. But post-sex nap. Fun!)_

"So did she look like THAT this morning?" Meredith says hoping for a similar response.

But Derek considers this one because the answer is slightly more nuanced.

"Well her hair was down because you were running your fingers through it. But it didn't necessarily look like post-sex hair. She looked content and softened, but she was also asleep and she looks like that anyhow when she's sleeping. It's nice actually…"

_(Derek trails off for a second and Meredith has to bite back her tongue not to agree with Dererk about that last part…)_

"And she seemed like she wasn't as angry or wound up, but she didn't seem sex sweaty and she didn't look… sticky…" Derek sort of seems a bit awkward about that last one then.

"So then what do you think?" Meredith asks Derek. He considers it a moment.

"I guess she didn't look like you'd slept with her sexually. But she looked like she was enjoying being curled up in your arms" Derek finally says honestly.

And for some odd reason, it doesn't come somewhere along in the bitterness that Meredith might have expected such a sentence to carry to her.

"You two looked different after sex and you were both different in the bedroom" Derek starts to continue on his train of thought and Meredith starts to redden at thr thought.

She'd never really had the experience of someone describing what having sex with her was like and she had to admit that she was kind of curious of what Derek had to say about her.

_(You just wanna find out what Derek is going to say about sex with ADDISON! Meredith's brain tries to tell her as she tries to ignore it. And is failing at that miserably...)_

"You were always so eager. You were a boost to my ego…" Derek begins.

"Well, at least you're admitting that," Meredith says sort of bitterly before she realizes she's said that aloud to him.

"Sorry." Derek does apologize for that part at least.

"Anyways, like I said you were eager. You gave me lots of attention. You were gentle and slow. You do good work with your mouth. You were a good kisser. You are a good kisser?..."

Derek starts to trail off wondering when the past tense had slipped into his speech and when he'd tried to change it to the present tense, Meredith kind of tensed up so he didn't do that more.

"You were a good kisser. Anyways. And you make cute little moans. It was sexy." Derek says.

And the way that he talks about sleeping with her is all about… HIM… Meredith thinks to herself.

It was all about the way she could make her feel. And while Meredith was quite proud of her skills in the bedroom, she found it a bit distracting that Derek never asked what SHE thought.

Not that she wanted to talk to Derek about McDreamy sex with him. Not now. Not anymore…

But she still felt weird that Derek never bothered to ask about it. At all. Ever.

And as much as he praised her, he didn't seem to gush about the intimacy in a way she'd expect someone would when they had claimed to be in love with someone.

* * *

_(Meredith wonders absently if Addison would talk about her skills in bed in a more appreciative way that Derek just had… Except that she wouldn't talk about them to other people or other exes, Meredith thinks to herself. Addison would be more classy than that, she thinks…)_

_(But she thinks it would be super hot to hear how Addison might talk about her. If she did all those naughty things she once did for Derek but she did them all to HER. For HER. Addison…)_

"Addison, by contrast-'' Derek began his trail of thought and Meredith's eyes leaped up to his in interest as she then tried to look away, not to seem too overly enthusiastic about that particular subject.

"Addison is a feisty one. She liked to be in control for the first while and I liked that I let her. Like I said before, she's a biter and she almost took my ear off a few times" Derek chuckles.

_(God, I bet that feels AMAZING, Meredith thinks about Addison nibbling her earlobe…)_

"And she liked to kiss me on the neck. And she would claw on my back to shreds sometimes"

Derek winces at that one again, but Meredith just stands there trying not to be so intrigued.

_(That Addison was rough in the bedroom was a huge turn-on for Meredith and she ached to be the one who would be making her moan so much that she needed to scratch into her back…)_

_(And oh, she was right the last time she was thinking about how Addison was a neck kisser and that never failed to drive Meredith absolutely freaking wild…She wonders how Addison liked it on the neck as well, Did she like pecs? Or long kisses? With tongue? With TEETH…..)_

"She was a good kisser too. She really liked to swallow my tongue. Sort of like you, I guess."

_(And NOW Meredith was distracted by the thought of Addison's tongue down her throat… SHe couldn't operate in an O.R if all she was thinking about was things like tongues!)_

" _And she was a good lover, for what it's worth. We had some good times. She knew what I liked and how to pleasure me. She'd get down on her knees and well, you know…)_

_(And Meredith kind of winces when Derek alludes to what he just said, but on the other hand she finds the idea of Addison on her knees in front of HER extremely sexy… And even more so than that she finds the idea of kneeling in front of a hot and wanting ADDISON, extremely sexy)_

" _All in all it got the job done I guess. She's hot, right."_ Derek didn't mean for that one to end up sounding like a question. And Meredith made absolutely no attempt to answer his non-question all the same.

_(God, she is your WIFE and a freaking BOMBSHELL of a woman all at that, jeez you really just can't see it can you Derek? Or maybe just not like I CAN…. Meredith thinks to herself smugly.)_

And as Derek concludes his not-as-informative-as-she-might-have-liked description of Addison's sex life (with him at least), Meredith notices again that Derek didn't mention at all what he'd done for HER.

He'd mentioned Addison doing him sexual acts but not what he'd reciprocated. And Meredith knew that in the past he had reciprocated to her to some extent with her at least.

But that he had not ever been as enthusiastic as when the situation gave HIM pleasure.

And that Meredith in sexual situations, purely objectively is much more of a giver than a taker.

And that Derek clearly was a taker and that's how all of this might have worked for them.

And that apparently Addison seemed like a giver as well in sex and somehow that didn't make Meredith think that the two of them might be at all sexually incompatible.

It made her think they'd be so eager to offer each other the pleasure they were getting.

And that the competition between them wouldn't be to gain more than the other, but to offer as much as they could to each other.

And Meredith SERIOUSLY wants to say to Derek that "he doesn't deserve her, and never deserved a girl like Addison near at all" right at that moment.

But she doesn't. She doesn't say that and she doesn't say anything more.

And for the longest time, they just stay silent, coexisting, and nothing more.

* * *

And eventually, Derek starts to consider everything and he has one more thing to say...

"You know, when I walked in on you two napping there in the storage closet, it was just weird to see it seem like you're getting along so well I guess," Derek mumbles at her.

"Yeah. I guess. Getting along. We're trying not to hate each other I guess." Meredith deadpans.

_(Oh, you have NO idea about us two starting to get along so well, Meredith thinks to herself…)_

_(Oh, even Meredith YOU have no idea either about the lengths of it, Addison might have thought to herself had she been present for that snippet of conversation.)_

* * *

But Addison wasn't at all present for that conversation. She'd been called to consult on her pyloric stenosis babies case. Those babies had been pushed back for surgery while their priorities had been all on the Teratoma Patient John and emergencies.

But now that John had recovered, she was asked to go back and schedule surgery for those two babies. Addison remembered she'd promised to give the case to Izzie and Cristina. So she puts them both on the consults in the coming few days, and wonders if their new relationship would be a problem in the O.R.

But the two boys had handled themselves fine yesterday and the girls seemed to be even more mature than they were. So Addison thinks to herself it should be fine. And then she thinks maybe Cristina might let it slip to Izzie about their shared secrets. Then she decides she really has to do something about those before anyone else can do it for her…

So she tries, again and again, to call Joe the Bartender and never gets an answer.

So she leaves a message for him and Walter on his answering machine.

Saying "Hello, this is Doctor Montgomery, and I would appreciate it if you wouldn't mention to Meredith or any of her friends or my husband or anyone else that I was speaking with her the other night and that I split a cab with her. Thank you and take care. From Addison."

She doesn't know if it will get through to him, but Addison can sure hope.

Somehow despite all the goings-on in her life she feels strangely peaceful, despite the sense of the incoming dread that sunk in when Derek walked in on their nap this morning.

Despite it only being a nap of an hour or two, Addison had slept more soundly curled up in Meredith Grey's arms than she had in what felt like eleven years…

And she stupidly thinks up every single stupid or stupider reason why she might have Meredith Grey cuddle and sing her to sleep for another night sometime.

And obviously she can't think of anything that sounds remotely logical nor ridiculous and far from 'just friendly'.

So she sighs at the thought and wonders how it all came to this.

And then idly, Addison thinks to herself then if Meredith Grey had slept as soundly as she did…

* * *

Meredith DID sleep that soundly, at least she was feeling very well-rested now.

She's very relieved at this prospect because otherwise being in this operating room with her ex-boyfriend would be even more excruciatingly painful.

Her thoughts are drifting to Addison, and how she looked well-rested also.

And she doesn't want to take credit for it, but if Addison ever did ask her she would have an instinct to tell her the truth about it.

And that was that having Addison safe and warm in her arms made all the dreams seem more vivid and the R.E.M came more quickly.

She felt like she had gotten a full night's sleep in a few hours.

And idly, Meredith wonders if there would ever be some logical reason for Meredith to crawl up next to Addison in bed ever again.

Even if just to sleep next to her and hold her again. Or to have Addison's arm wrapped around her waist and shoulders.

To feel her body so close to hers and how Addison seems to melt and mold into her under her touch…

It was such a good feeling Meredith found herself craving it. She understood Addison's thoughts about craving her Cheetos now, and how powerful cravings could be.

Meredith craved contact with Addison the way Addison said she craved Cheetos.

And she remembered when Addison had said to her "I've resigned myself to eating out all of the Cheetos because if I try to retrain myself I'll just end up craving them anyhow. And the withdrawal appears to be more of a hindrance than the indulgence"

And that's how Meredith was feeling now about wanting to be around Addison ALL of the TIME.

Wow, some crush she was starting to have here. A MAJOR crush.

One hell of a crush that was almost enough for her to forget about this 'mystery person' entirely.

Almost.

But not completely.

* * *

"So then you don't think that Doctor Montgomery and I just had sex then," Meredith asks Derek with the most 'normal' voice she can manage after just spending the past few minutes considering Addison's sex life as well as how Derek had noticed them being cuddled up so close...

"Well I think that the evidence overall suggests otherwise," Derek says to her as if he doesn't quite want to believe that himself.

"I guess I just felt betrayal on instinct because Addison has cheated on me before, with _Mark_ " Derek finally admits.

And Meredith hears that little _pang_ in Derek's voice now. The same one she heard the last time he talked about him. And she thinks that it's odd he would say this best friend's name with such reverence when clearly he had been a factor in ending his marriage.

But then again, Meredith thinks, Mark WAS his best friend, so she thinks she understands.

For example in her life, Cristina had kissed Addison and Meredith got mad at her for that. But she still considers Cristina Yang to be her very best friend and person.

_(Meredith doesn't think to realize that in this parallel she had thought about being jealous over Addison despite Addison never having ever been hers to be jealous over to begin with…)_

And so Meredith just empathizes with Derek now and tries to comfort him in a way.

Because as much as Meredith was angry at him, and how he treated her and how he had treated and talked about Addison, Meredith still cared for him in a way.

Not in a love-cared-for way. But she cared for him all the same.

As someone who had been important in her life, ( _and someone who had been important in Addison's life)_ and just as a fellow co-worker, she cared just enough for him.

"I'm sorry that she cheated on you. And I'm sorry if you felt betrayed by her - me - earlier" Meredith says softly.

"Thanks" Derek accepts her apology, despite him being also the one who needed to apologize.

But he doesn't yet. He doesn't apologize to Meredith for jumping to conclusions.

And Derek doesn't refute her apology either, to tell her it wasn't her fault at all, to begin with.

* * *

"You know, that's how I felt, Derek when I met her and I realized you were lying to me about being married. That's how I felt from you. Betrayal." Meredith says to him then, honestly.

"Oh. Derek says. And it's not even an apology.

"OH!?" Meredith exclaims at her.

"She's my WIFE," he says.

"She is. She's your leggy and fabulous McWife" she huffs in annoyance.

"You know I told her that you know" Derek admits to her, instead of an apology.

"That she's leggy and fabulous? Well, I sure hope you did" Meredith groans.

" **No, I told her that YOU said that she's leggy and fabulous" Derek finally admits to her.**

He's lied to her about so many things, And he still has so many lies in his head.

It's the least he can do to offer one less secret like this.

_(And what Meredith didn't still know at the time, but what Addison knew is that she'd already shared HER side of this story with Meredith, and Meredith had been empathetic towards her from that day forth after that…)_

" **It was the night that Addison left me. It was the night you'd told me pick me, choose me, love me" Derek begins.**

"And I didn't know what to think about that. I was so tangled up and confused. And all I wanted was a best friend to talk it through with. And I couldn't call Mark after what he'd done…"

And then I went back to the trailer and I put on some nice clothes. And I thought I'd go to find you but I just couldn't bring myself to leave her and I just couldn't bring myself to find you. So I just stayed there not moving in the kitchen drinking some scotch…"

_(If Addison was here now she would have remembered how Meredith and she had first bonded at knowing that Derek liked drinking his scotch. And that this interaction of saying 'scotch' at the same time was the one that got Meredith to add a shot of tequila for Addison onto her tab...)_

Meredith nods at him then to continue.

"And so then I asked my very best friend of eleven years what she thought. I thought I could ask her that, just as a friend" he winces, thinking again about the memory.

"And so I told her the entire damn thing. I told her how you had said that Addison had come here 'all leggy and fabulous and _annoyingly kind_ and _painfully smart_ and that she was currently saving your best friend's life at the time and she was 'really hard to hate, you know'".

_(And Meredith reddens enormously at the compliments she now remembers having indirectly given to Addison, and how she hadn't known what to think about the woman back then, but that what she knew now is that all of those things are so true and even more, and she's happy and shy knowing now that Addison had heard from her then-husband Derek she'd said all of them…)_

"And that's when you told me to- pick you, to choose you, to love you. And that you'd be waiting for me at Joe's bar that very evening…." Derek recounts and Meredith cringes now at that part.

"And then I asked Addison about it and what I should do because I really didn't know…"

_(Meredith raises her eyebrows at this one because it sounds absurd for him to be picking between two wonderful women and to not even have an inkling of what he wanted either way.)_

"And that's when she left me," Derek says as he spits that part out quietly before continuing.

"I'm sorry Derek," Meredith says in reaction because she always apologizes when other people are in pain. Even if the pain Derek had, then, had been entirely self-inflicted she thought…

"And she said she thought that I didn't deserve to pick you or choose her or love either of you," Derek says to her softly.

_(If Meredith remembered that night at the bar she might have thought it was astounding she herself had had that exact same question then directed at Addison as to why she left Derek.)_

"And then she said to me that she didn't deserve the love that I had then to offer her," Derek says.

"And I asked her if she meant her-Addie. If SHE didn't deserve the love that I had to offer her, as if I was the one to be saying that to her about her…" Derek says quietly.

"But then she said that she-YOU-MEREDITH GREY- didn't deserve the love that I had to offer - YOU-" Derek says all in pain.

"And she defended you then. And I had no idea why. You were the other woman in our marriage. You were my dirty mistress, my girlfriend, my intern and even HER intern…"

"But Addie defended you to me then. And then she took off her wedding ring. And then she took off her engagement ring. And then she took out divorce papers and pushed them in my face to read over so we could sign" Derek says, shivering a little.

"She said that if I couldn't make up my mind and decide, then she was going to decide. That she was going to decide to end it for the both of you - Addison and Meredith - you. And then she said she was leaving me then. For good." Derek says so, so quietly.

"And then she said that 'you can't ask your PARTNER that kind of question; for future reference, now, Derek" Derek quotes directly and realizes he hasn't changed the word to "wife" and hopes that Meredith thinks Addison had just been inclusive and that she hadn't noticed anything suspicious.

But Meredith didn't react to that part of the sentence. She only waited for Derek to finally keep going.

And then Derek finally apologizes for the night he never came to get her.

He finally says to her "I'm sorry. That I didn't even call you to tell you not to wait for me then." Derek says. "Sorry I never said a yes or no to you, then, either way" he says softly.

"And what did you do then, after that? And what did SHE do then, after that?" Meredith asks him.

And then he says that he cried a little. And then he drank a whole lot.

And then he said that "Addison had left him a glass of water and an aspirin out for him next to his bed in the morning. And then Addison had packed all of her possessions so she could leave the trailer, then, for the very last time…"

"And that she wrote a note by the water for him to take the aspirin and to drink the water in the morning. And she said 'thanks for the memories.' And she signed it with only A.M. In nice and curly neat cursive. And then she was gone into the night then, and I never saw her after that"

Derek concludes his monologue and Meredith looks at his defeated look.

"She left my key under the doormat. Her key to the trailer I gave her. I found it there, after"

_(At the back of her consciousness the parts of the story having to do with the key under the doormat and note and the water and the aspirin and then 'Thanks for the Memories' and the note that's signed with a curly cursive "M" somewhere on it sounds so super familiar…)_

_(But she doesn't think too hard at that part, because Derek is asking if she knows about what happened to Addison that night. And Meredith says that she does. Because she had that talk with her.)_

"Addison told me about that night. Because I had a hell of a night too" Meredith begins.

"See I went home with some mystery person. We didn't screw, I just slept" Meredith said.

"And when we were talking about this, Addison and I the next day when she told me you two were splitting…" Meredith says to her honestly.

"She said that her night, that it was quiet. Went home early. Nothing exciting," Meredith says to her.

"And then I wanted to tell her that that sounded at least sort of better than my total tequila blackout. But then she didn't wanna talk to me then anymore. She told me to stop sitting next to her on the O.R stool and to get to word. And that's what I did" Meredith says.

"And I never talked to her ever again about the night she left you. Because I knew it was so painful for her and that she wouldn't want to ever talk about it, not to me at least" she says.

"I don't know where she went, she took her stuff though. She probably went to a hotel. I know she really likes the Archfield here" Derek adds in that absently.

"I don't know if I should be relieved, relieved that she never went home with someone else," Derek says. "I know it's not supposed to be my business to care anymore…"

"But I guess I still kind of do," Derek admits to Meredith, surprising even himself.

"In both ways, good and bad." Derek continues.

"Part of me doesn't want her to have found someone else so soon and slept with them. Because it makes me jealous and angry and hurt and alone." Derek says.

"But another part of me doesn't want her to have found someone else so soon and slept with them because they would have been such a rebound for her. And that never ends well" he says with more compassion than he has ever said at all in their past conversations.

"And Addie deserved better than that. Rebound sex in a dirty bar bathroom, I mean" he says.

"I know that she's not at all in love with me anymore. And I'll admit that I'm not so sure I am now, either." Derek finally admits.

"But we were best friends for 11 years. I still care that she got home safely. Even if it's not my place even to care anymore." he says to Meredith softly. And it's probably the most McDreamy thing that Meredith can ever remember he's said to her.

Even though it's not even about her - Meredith Grey.

_(Because it's about ADDISON… Her brain tells her, then…)_

"I think we accept the love we think we deserve, Derek," Meredith says to him in a sigh.

"You're right that she deserved better than a drunken bar hook up at a hotel room that night," she says.

"And I'm glad that she got that. That she didn't go there with someone. Not that night at least." Meredith says to him softly.

Meredith wants to say more to him. She wants to say she deserved more than HIM and the love that HE had to offer, and that she did too.

And she wants to justify and explain why she cares Addison didn't hook up with anyone that night of her divorce.

And why she cares about her and cares about what happened to Addison back then, too.

But Derek looks so sad and vulnerable now. That Meredith knows now is not the time and the place for all that. To go there. To put him in his place.

That somewhere along in the bitterness that Meredith still wanted to tear Derek a new one over Addison.

But she tries to give Derek a break after he shared all that with her. To focus on the good then.

That just as it was good both she and Addison had not had any drunken sex and hookups that night. Each of them had been spared from a McRebound.

And that it was good that Derek had the time to reflect on his marriage on his own before Meredith tore into him a new one like she wanted to, and that he deserved to hear from her. And Addison too, maybe. If she wanted to do that, herself.

She thinks through all this that Addison has a similar story to tell. They're on the same side of this now after all. 'Join the freaking club' Meredith scoffs at herself inwardly.

And tries not to show Derek just how much she cares, how much she cares about Addison, already as she scrubs out from the surgery and goes to change into fresh scrubs.

* * *

_Even though Meredith didn't know then that he knew something then, Derek already knew how much Meredith cared for Addison in the moment he'd seen them together in that supply closet._

_And he reflects on all of their earlier conversations about the possibility of Meredith/Addison cheating on him with each other in that supply closet there that night._

_He had been talked out of the possibility that they'd been having sex together._

_He knew that even if his rage didn't want that to be true; part of him wanted it to be just sex._

_But he knew better. He'd bedded both of them had he not, in the not-so-recent-past._

_And even if sex was slightly different with a woman than a man, it wouldn't be THAT different._

_It wouldn't be different than Derek knew if they HAD been having sex together, he wouldn't know._

_If they had had sex together, Derek would have seen the telltale flush on Meredith's cheeks._

_He would have seen the telltale flushing on Addison's chest. He would have seen lipstick stains._

_But he had not seen any of that, he had not seen any of those signs or any others at that._

_So he knew that Meredith had not been making anything up, not about that at least._

_When he looks up at Meredith's scared expression again,_

_Somehow he knows that no matter what he has ever thought or used to think-_

_About Meredith Grey, that she isn't a liar._

_Meredith isn't lying to him tonight, about this, at least._

_And despite that, there's a broken part of Derek Shepherd there, that wishes that she was._

_Because if it was only the sex that had happened, then maybe he could still have a chance with one or either of them._

_But it wasn't even the sex; it was the Caring that was the kicker._

_Because the caring gave Addison a reason she never had before to stay now in Seattle._

_And the caring for Meredith Grey, his ex-girlfriend/ex-mistress, was even crueler still for him._

_If he had thought that seeing Mark and Addison together in bed at the Brownstone was cruel,_

_Then this was a whole new level of cruelty._

* * *

_But still, he can't help thinking back to Mark again._

_And how he never admitted then and still did not want to admit today,_

_That he'd been even more jealous of Addison than Mark._

_Because he still remembered that night when he'd been in bed with both of them._

_Even though he swears to them both and everyone he was plastered out of his mind._

_But he never had a blackout. Not about that night at least. And he felt both lucky and unlucky about that fact he thought since then._

_About today, the part he tried to blackout from his history, is how the way that he saw Meredith and Addison in the closet cuddled up today-_

_That was how he had been tangled up with his best friend Mark Sloan after that 'threesome night.'_

_And that he hated himself for thinking about that. Because he shouldn't long for that more than he had ever longed for Addison his wife, or for Meredith his ex-whatever._

_He had never longed for either of them the way they seemed to be, longing to hold each other._

_The same way that he still longed each night to be held in the arms of his male best-friend Mark Sloan._

_And that he had felt relieved and lucky when Addison left him, so he wouldn't have to walk away._

_And that he had been relieved and lucky when Addison showed up to break up him and Meredith._

_And that he would be relieved and lucky if Mark would talk to him if he had the courage to ever call him._

_And that he had absolutely no idea what to say to any or either of the three of them._

_About any or all of this to them. But the only one he misses, of those three of them, is Mark._

_And if he ever got lucky from some twist of all this stupid unlucky bad luck,_

_Then maybe someone would call Mark for him. So he could talk with him._

_Without having to be the one to decide first._

_To admit first._

_About how he felt._

_About how he or Mark or them might be a little bit GAY._

_How he didn't want to be the one to make the first move._

_To be the one to risk it all._

_To change things forever with his very best childhood friend in case he didn't feel the same._

_Because Derek knew in his heart he was indecisive and a coward._

_And that he had always most loved his childhood very best friend, Mark Sloan, for being brave._

* * *

As Meredith finally does go to the laundry chute to toss her old scrubs away,

She realizes, stupidly, that she doesn't want to take them off because they still smelled like Addison's skin.

She had been basking at the brown sugar and spices sent all day.

And when she went to put on a new set, they just smelled like laundry soap.

And so Meredith has the instinct to keep these old scrubs, as unsanitary as that would be.

And she's lost in thought about this dilemma when eventually Izzie Stevens comes around the corner to chat with her.

"Hey Izzie," Meredith says to her, still fumbling with all those clothes in her hand.

"Hey Meredith," Izzie says as she motions to throw her own scrubs out and gestures for Meredith to hold the set that is in her hand so Izzie can help her do the same.

So Meredith takes one last longing glance at those old scrubs before handing them over to Izzie.

And she tries to hold that sweet scent in her mind and hold onto it for all eternity.

And Izzie asks just how her day has been and she says "it's unlucky but still lucky."

And when Izzie asks if part of the bad day was that she'd lost her house key recently.

And Meredith spins around abruptly at the thought, wondering what Cristina might have told her.

And all she says is "yeah that happened once but I got it back and I didn't want to scare you."

And Izzie nods and accepts Meredith's answer at face value, not pressing her to share more.

But all Izzie Stevens can think about at that moment is how days earlier Addison Montgomery had had a spare house key that looked like theirs next to her car keys the day they had played all of those games with the Teratoma patient.

But then how she hadn't had it the next day when Addison had parked her car in the red zone and needed Izzie Stevens to go move it.

But somehow Izzie seems to read Meredith's expression and notice that it was not a topic that she wanted to talk about.

So instead she thinks she'll drop it and maybe talk with Cristina Yang about it later.

"Hey Mer do you know of any restaurants that Cristina might like to go to?" Izzie asks her friend for her advice.

"Anything but Vietnamese" Meredith laughs and wishes her friend well.

She's super glad that Izzie and Cristina have found each other, starting as friends leading to something much more.

And as Meredith is thinking if she'll ever have that ever with Addison and if this 'mystery person' could or would change that,

Izzie Stevens is thinking about Meredith's comment about "no Vietnamese food" for the dinner with Cristina-

And how not too long ago how Addison Montgomery had all but said to her the same.

Izzie thought that she sure was feeling lucky to have friends like Meredith and Addison.

* * *

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******* END OF CHAPTER 24**

* * *

Author's Note:

THANK-YOU folks all SO MUCH for the raving reviews of this piece.

And especially for the discussions in the comments. For the commenter who said that the last chapter will probably spell some trouble for Meddison - Yep, you sure called it. I didn't reply to you there not to give it away. But as you described the last chapter as the "calm before the storm" well, you were spot on there.

Well, this has been an interesting discussion between Meredith and Derk. What did you think of it all? What did you think about him assuming they were having sex when he walked in on them, and do you think he believes Meredith when she told him they had not been?

What do you think about their discussion about how Addison left Derek that night in Derek's words to Meredith. How do you think this will affect the reveal of the 'mystery person?' Let me know what you predict! I just love to hear the fanfiction of fanfiction lol. :D

Enjoy the next approximately 36-48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

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**THANK YOU FOR READING! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY <3 <3 <3**

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR READING AND ALL THE COMMENTS TODAY !
> 
> PS. Today, "Five Sentence Fics" has been updated to have a new MerAdd Chapter:
> 
> Find it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23515210/chapters/56394235
> 
> Good luck :D


	25. Keepsake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MAGIC + Addison plan a party!  
> Even the attendins seem enthusiastic about it.  
> Thanks for reading, friends :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another longish one just for you faithful readers. ENJOY ~

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by me, bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Chapter 25: Keepsake**

* * *

By the time Addison has finished her surgery, all of the other interns are already hanging out together around the vending machines, grabbing snacks before heading to check in on John the Teratoma patient. Addison finally succeeded in feeding this machine her damn quarters, and she takes her own set of snacks to check in with John the patient as well. Without even falling over in the slightest, she might have added then if you had asked her.

"Ah, Doctor Boss finally graces us with her presence!" John the patient exclaims widely with a generous amount of clapping. "Here here to the miracle doc with the miracle fingers who makes miracles come true!" he articulates to them all generously.

Addison reddens from all of the praise as she tries to wave away all the clapping and to downplay the 'miracle' part of the success.

"Now, now, John. You _know_ it wasn't only me who was in there operating with you. We can't forget to thank Doctor Alex and Doctor George now can we!" Addison says, raising her own hands to clap in turn with all of them.

"Thanks, Doctor McBoss" Alex smirks at her now, secretly thanking her for calling them sort of by their first names in front of their most favorite of patients.

"It was really nice of you to let us operate with you," says George with his Bambi's eyes again.

But Addison just waves that away too saying that "that was all thanks to Bailey, you should be thanking HER for letting you scrub in with me then" Addison laughs.

_(And Addison reddens at that one, realizing the not too far off implication that she had just made that she might have selected… a certain other intern to assist her had she been given the choice… She hopes that the boys won't pick up on and be offended by this little slip of the tongue!)_

But luckily for Addison, a figure appears in the doorway, interrupting their conversation _(and thus Addison's very awkward rather far-off implications),_ entirely.

"What are we thankin' me for now?" Miranda Bailey struts in with a smile.

"The boys and Doctor Boss- I mean Doctor ah- Montgomery- just saved John the patient from his non-pregnancy-Teratoma and we were just clapping because you let Alex and George be the assists with Add- I mean Doctor Montgomery-" Izzie Stevens stutters a bit and Cristina swoons at her blushing as she does that.

"Well I am glad that you are having a full recovery, Mr. John, it is lovely to meet you. Now I assure you that Doctor Montgomery and 'ma hooligan interns have done a stellar job here with you. Now enjoy spendin' a little time with MY interns while I have a word here with Doctor Montgomery"

Bailey motions at Addison to come to meet her outside and she's terrified at anything and everything that Bailey could say to her now.

But Bailey is smiling which must be a good sign. She leads her slightly away from the door so the other interns cannot overhear them. And then she says finally to Addison:

"You did a good job, teaching my interns with him. A really good job. And I thank you for that. I know that your life has not been very easy, of late. But unlike some of the other fools in love that I see all around me, you do your damndest to be an _actual instructor_ here nonetheless…"

"Wow, thank you, Bailey, I'm touched, really, I am I just-" Addison is so moved by Bailey's approval. It feels like it's been months since anyone has told her she's done anything right.

"Now don't get too proud and cocky about that, neither. You ain't perfect but you ain't no less perfect than I am all the time for that matter. But for what it's worth, I'd like to offer you a celebration. I want you to throw a surprise party for John's release from the hospital later this afternoon. We haven't told him about all the good news.

And If you think you can trust my little interns with our little secret, then I'll let you borrow them just for a little while so you can come up with some treats and some decorations" Bailey smiles.

And Addison smiles genuinely back at Bailey, and she says to her finally. "You know, he calls me that just because he knows me most. YOU are the REAL Doctor Boss around here" Addison smiles at her.

"Don't I know it" Bailey accepts with a grin. "But the title sounds nice on you too, Addison"

And with that, Bailey is walking away, telling her over her shoulder "invite who you want, make it about 5 o'clock, and not too late, now" before she was gone.

_(As Bailey leaves Addison only smiles to herself, thinking that what she knew that maybe even Bailey didn't know yet, as their Doctor Boss - was JUST HOW WELL THAT SHE KNOWS -that this set of interns was so far very, very, very adept at keeping her secrets safe.)_

* * *

"John, we do have some more tests to run and I need to speak with the interns, privately if you don't mind" Addison summons them as they say their goodbyes and get up.

_(In the back of her mind, Meredith notices that she likes that Addison always says "the interns" and not "my interns" as Bailey might. Of course, she wasn't their direct supervisor like Bailey is. But it is still a nugget of goodness that Meredith notices in Addison. She's noticing a lot of those these days…)_

"See you later Doctor Boss" John the patient waves at them. And Addison thinks to herself she's just happy that he never called Meredith "lollipop lady" in front of Cristina because Cristina would have a field day with THAT one.

"Bye-bye Doctor Alex. Bye bye Doctor George. Bye-bye Doctor Izzie. Bye-bye Doctor Cristina. Bye-bye Doctor Lollipop Lady!" John the patient waved at them then.

_(Oops. Spoke too soon!)_ Addison sighs.

"LOLLIPOP LADY!" Addison can hear Cristina teasing Meredith as she walks to join her right behind Addison. _(Sigh, this is going to be one of those days, isn't it…)_

"So, here's the thing," Addison says with a mysterious voice, moving the interns away from John the patient's door and into an adjoining exam room.

"Can you keep a secret? Because if you can't I'll let you know when you can join us later. Speak now, or I swear to you I will lay on SO much scut for a month if you let anything slip out _now_ "

Addison says that part quite pointedly to Cristina who's been smirking at her ever since she'd asked about keeping her secrets.

Cristina is giving her a "well wouldn't YOU like to know" look and Addison is avoiding looking at it so instead she looks pointedly at Izzie and George and Alex and finally Meredith who is nodding at her quite excitedly.

"Well alright then" Addison hushes to them, glad for the cards that are in her upper hand for the time being.

"We want to do something nice for John because he's been really lovely to us. And I mean we are in us and Bailey will be joining us later at five" Addison clarifies.

"So like a surprise party!" Meredith exclaims with a shout.

"I never had one of those before growing up," Meredith says sort of sadly, thinking about her mother Ellis Grey and about her father Thatcher Grey who she only remembers pouring cereal for her once or twice and of Richard Webber who was sort of her uncle but was never around for her birthdays.

"Has anyone else had a surprise party before?" Addison asks, wanting to reach out and hold Meredith's hand and squeeze it gently. But of course, she can't do that. Not in front of the others.

So she doesn't and instead allows Cristina to squeeze Meredith's hand in her own while looking at Addison who's giving a sort of a "thank you" of a nod in return.

"Well, I LOVE SURPRISE PARTIES!" Of course, it's Izzie Stevens who knows that.

"Of course you do" Alex Karev jokes with her all the while George is nudging him in the side.

"We should get decorations," says George. "I bet my mother has some," he says then.

"That would be great, O'Malley," Addison says with a smile, trying to maintain some sort of professional boundaries with her interns as they are literally throwing a _party_ as an assignment.

"We should get a cake," Cristina says to her with a smirk.

Addison can't seem to place whey she would be smirking at this part until Izzie Stevens exclaims "Oh my goodness I'll make the vanilla and cherry cake!"

"Oh," Addison says before realizing she'd said it.

"Oh is a lame reaction for the best cake of all time" Cristin deadpans at Addison expectantly.

"Oh, right, Izzie I'm sure your cake is absolutely wonderful, just, yeah sure make it" Addison tries not to fumble.

_(Because Cristina must have set her up or something based on some conversation her and Meredith might have had about lollipop flavors in her absence. She'd wanted to find out what vanilla and cherry taste like together and here she was going to find out two of her three desires. The third one, of course, being the taste of Meredith's lips… On hers…)_

"Do you not like cherry?" Izzie asks her all scared because Addison is staring now.

"I think she likes cherry. Cherry skittles at least" Meredith smirks at her, saving her.

Despite there not being any actual skittles in Cherry flavor that they had eaten the other night but the other interns didn't know that.

_(So they accepted it as Addison tried not to blush at Meredith's smirk that was clearly trying to tell her "I think you seemed to enjoy what my hot breath felt like in your airspace while I was licking those cherry lollipops…)_

"Dude, can we have like, booze?" Alex Karev's clearly inappropriate question brings Addison back to reality when she has to say "no but you can have whatever kind of soda you want"

And without missing a beat, Meredith Grey is yelling out "get Doctor Pepper it's mine and, well it's at least MY favorite" she says, winking back at Addison over the other intern's shoulders as they go off to assemble these sweets and decorations.

_(Damn interns! Addison swears at herself as she reaches for her car keys and fumbles around with them as a sort of a fidget toy.)_

And the sound of Addison's keys jangling is not at all lost on Izzie Stevens, who plans to talk at length about this with Cristina, later that evening.

* * *

"FLOUR!" Izzie yells at Meredith who passes her the ingredients for the cake as she's baking it. They are all at Meredith's house now, as Izzie tries to get Alex to stop eating all of the whipped creams straight out of the bottle before she can beat it into the batter.

"Shoot Alex and George if you don't stop using all that whip cream for foreplay we'll never have enough to use for the cake" Izzie sighs.

"So does that mean if we buy you more than we can have this can for ourselves?" George asks of Izzie with his puppy dog eyes.

"Ugh, fine. Meredith can you go drive and pick up some more at the 7 Eleven?" she asks as Meredith has already started to slip out and collect her wallet and keys before reaching for her coat (on the floor, not on the coat rack) before heading out the door.

"Anything else?" Meredith asks, turning over her shoulder at Izzie, flashing her keys in her hand before leaving.

It makes Izzie take pause, thinking about the whole key thing again, but she recovers quickly enough to tell Meredith to pick up some plant food because that poor potted plant looks a bit needy right now as it hadn't been very well fed at all for quite a long while.

"Got it," says Meredith as she heads out the door.

"Goddammit boys, just take the damn cream and go 'take a nap'. Just remember we're here in the kitchen. I'm putting on some pop music you better not be even louder than BLAST!"

"Men" Cristina laughs. "Aren't you glad we gave those up for each other" Izzie coos at her.

"I really am," Cristina says to Izzie then, planting a cute little kiss on the tip of her nose.

* * *

"So I do have a reason for sending everyone away," Izzie says in a sort of a serious tone.

"Yeah?" Cristina asks her, wondering if this is about their relationship.

"It's not about 'us'. I really like what we have and how we're going slow at all. It's about something else entirely" Izzie says gently.

"Uh-huh?" Cristina says a bit confusedly.

"It's about Meredith's missing house key from a while back," Izzie says to her.

And Cristina starts nodding up and down very well.

She's keeping her eyes fierce and determined, not wanting to break Addison's trust after all that she'd done for them.

I mean, heck she was throwing the interns and their favorite patient a _party._ So Cristina really did not want to mess this up.

_(Plus, by this time, Cristina suspects, Meredith will probably not be entirely thrilled at the reveal of the identity of her mystery person. In the beginning, it was cute and humble and all. But now it just seems a bit off that she'd wait so long. And as much as Addison would like to say she knew Meredith, she doesn't know Meredith as much as Cristina knows Meredith…)_

_(And Cristina knows that Meredith has had trust issues. Her parents were a mess. She didn't really have a dad around. Her mom was a great surgeon but she was never around. She only really had Richard Webber which was hella confusing. And Meredith had told her all of those things over the course of their friendship.)_

_(So Cristina didn't want Addison to get extremely hurt if Meredith ended up rejecting her for being 'such a liar' or for not trusting her with the truth. Because Meredith was really starting to like Addison. Meredith herself was a changed person after Addison, after having a responsible person looking out for her in her life. Meredith was growing up into someone she could trust…)_

_(And Meredith knew that. And Addison was someone she thought she could trust. And even Cristina trusted Addison with Meredith. She'd said so herself a long time ago. But that was when Cristina had thought that this nonsense would blow over a lot faster than it did. And now that it's been such a while, Cristina worries about the pain it will cause to the both of them…)_

_(And she knows that she shouldn't be the person to cause all that pain. So she focuses. On Izzie now. On whatever she is going to say. And whatever happens, she swears to herself that she won't tell a soul what she knows, even if it kills her. And even if it ends up hurting Izzie a bit. Oh, hell. She had to talk with Addison about this. She shouldn't have to choose…)_

"So about Meredith's missing key, she had a key missing?" Cristina remembers to add on a question.

"She didn't tell you? She is your PERSON that kind of surprises me" Izzie says to her.

And that makes Cristina happy because Izzie and her started sort of dating. And they didn't define who they were to anyone else yet. But at least Izzie was respectful that Cristina was closer friends with Meredith than she was, and Cristina respected that Izzie was closer to George and Alex as friends. And that they could all just be friends still together.

"Yeah ok I'm kidding she told me she did lose her key. She was just embarrassed about it so I didn't want to say" Cristina says.

"Yeah, I get that. She didn't want to talk about it when I asked her a bit ago" Izzie says.

"Mm" Cristina says noncommittally, motioning for Izzie to go on.

"Well like I said I asked her if she'd lost her key. And she said that she had. But obviously she got it back. She never said anything about either of those things. Losing her key and getting her key back I mean. And so I didn't think much of it. Except for one thing. But it's a _secret!_ "

Izzie looks at Cristina with a look of glee and Cristina is trying to mirror her enthusiasm while simultaneously being scared to high heavens.

"So the thing is, I can't prove anything and I'm never going to ask. But a while back around the same time I noticed a person who had an extra key that looked like our house key on their keyring. They were rubbing their thumb over it like I don't know you might with a coin ..."

Izzie keeps going while Cristina thinks to himself _(so far not too bad…)_

"And then the thing is, I didn't get close enough to see if it had the "M" for Meredith stamped into it. And her thumb was long covering that part of it anyhow. But she really did have two house keys on her ring. And she also had car keys but those are bigger and different" Izzie says.

_(Oh god she's saying it's a SHE now… Cristina thinks. At least Mer never told her about the note! At least she might not know the whole story!)_

"And then the thing is, the next day she was parked in a red zone and she asked me to move her car to her parking spot. But when she handed me her car keys, the extra key was gone"

And that's when Cristina hums thoughtfully up at Izzie as if she weren't hanging onto every damn word Izzie is saying.

"So I never asked her about it. I never asked Meredith about it and I never told her what I saw either way. Because it's an INSANE hypothesis right? That I would know the person who had had Meredith's house key when she didn't know what it was? And what reason would Meredith have to give out the keys to our house?" Izzie Stevens starts to ask her.

"Well, I'm glad that no one broke in and stole anything" Cristina tries to play along.

"Yeah, but I don't think they-she-would. I mean I get at the time maybe there was a vendetta against Meredith or something because of McDreamy but I still don't think that… Well, I don't think she would have stolen anything. I actually kind of found it strangely comforting that we knew the person who had our key was the whole time" Izzie concludes.

And she's eyeing Cristina now, not knowing if she should go on.

And Cristina doesn't want to ask her for fear she'll confirm suspicions that were not set in stone.

Cristina _knew_ that trick. She was an expert at that trick. So she was an expert in avoiding that trick.

"How about we stop talking about potential criminal minds investigations and we focus on how maybe I can get you to spare some of that whipped cream for MY mouth, eh," Cristina says all seductively.

"Ok, if you promise to text Meredith right away to pick up another can…" Izzie says to her.

"I sure will just let me get my phone. I'll be right back. Save that whipped cream for me!" Cristina smiles.

And she runs to get her phone from her coat pocket (her coat is on the floor next to where Meredith's was, not on the coatrack who even does that?)

And Cristina sends texts to not one but to two people.

She sends one to Meredith to tell her to pick up more whip cream.

But Cristina sends out another set of very urgent text messages as well…

* * *

**Text Message, 14:02, Location: Seattle**

_Cardio God to Skippy Gold_

**CARDIO GOD**

[YO SKIPPY. WE NEED TO TALK ASAP. CALL ME.]

[It's about your dirty little secret. Someone's catching on and you don't want that now.]

[Seriously, call me back Skippy Gold. ASAP. And pick up some extra whip cream for the party.]

[I have a feeling we're going to run out of it here…]

_Cardio God sets the notifications to LOUD for "Skippy Gold."_

* * *

As Meredith heads to the 7 Eleven she's humming in her head now. She's humming to herself the song "Turn to Stone" by Ingrid Michaelson, the one she sang for Addison to help her to fall asleep.

She likes it more now, because of that really cool day they spent together. Meredith decides to pick up some Cheetos and Junior Caramels and Skittles and Milk Chocolate and Doctor Pepper and Vanilla and Cherry Lollipops along with a few cans of whipped cream and the plant food.

She can feel her phone vibrate with a text now.

* * *

**Text Message, 14:02, Location: Seattle**

_Cristina Your Person Yang to Meredith Twisted Sister Grey_

**CRISTINA**

[Think of the # of whip cream cans we need for the cake.]

[Then think of how many Alex and George want to eat off each other.]

[Then think of how many me and Izzie might want.]

[Then add however many you and your platonic girlfriend doctor boss lady wants.]

[And then add like two more. And bring them home. Thanks, luv u.]

[See u later. Probs knock first when u come into the door.]

[Izzie and I might be having a 'food fight']

_Meredith Twisted Sister Grey marks this text message as "read"._

* * *

_(God, that's a LOT of whip cream, how am I even going to carry all of this!?)_

_(That's not what you were thinking. You were thinking about spraying whip cream over Addison Montgomery's extremely toned and sexy body and then licking off every last drop of it until Addison is literally pulling your hair for you to fuck her after you quit teasing…)_

_(SHUT UP A GIRL CAN DREAM CAN'T THEY.)_

_(Meredith you're in the middle of a store you might want to stop waving your arms around like that in the air; it's scaring the customers…)_

"How many ah, cans of whip cream do you stock here?" Meredith asks the storekeeper.

"Planning a party?" The storekeeper asks her.

"Yes, actually. Our friend is no longer pregnant!" Meredith exclaims with a grin.

"Congratulations! Is it a boy or a girl?" The storekeeper asks, obviously unaware of her meaning.

"Oh, it's a boy. And he wasn't actually pregnant we removed his teratoma the other day so his abdomen isn't swollen like he's pregnant and he doesn't have extremely high levels of female sex hormones anymore, and those were why he had false positives on the pregnancy tests…"

And the storekeeper just stares at her rather slacked-jawed at Meredith's question before she starts to raise an eyebrow at him.

"Um. Congratulations. I guess. Anyways." The storekeeper tries to sound as enthusiastic as possible.

"Thanks, it's a really big day for him. I mean he's a man, not a baby or a boy but it's still... Anyways I shouldn't be telling you this, I mean I'm a DOCTOR and all…" Meredith squirms a bit.

"You're a doctor? That's pretty impressive!" The storekeeper says.

"Yeah. I'm going to be a surgeon" Meredith says.

"Wow, ah, look I know this is sort of a foreword thing but you're really really pretty and you're obviously smart and sensitive and can I get your number?" The storekeeper asks.

It's a woman storekeeper. And normally that might be Meredith's thing. Women seem to be more and more of her thing as of late at least.

And normally Meredith might say "yes" to this kind of request if only to drunkenly text this girl at 3 am with Cristina.

But something seems to be keeping her back from all that, as of late.

_(Something that's Addison-shaped and all long and leggy and fabulous maybe?)_

_(SHUT UP! NOT THE DAMN TIME!)_

"Erm, I'm sorry but I'm sort of… involved already" Meredith says.

"But you're not married you don't have a ring," she persists.

"No." She says. Meredith doesn't know more to say than that.

"If you're straight I get that" the shopkeeper somehow remembers to ask/tell that.

"Oh, no, I'm not straight I just- involved" Meredith stumbles a bit.

She's blushing a little. Just because she's being hit on.

But not nearly as much as she blushes for _Addison_.

She's starting to blush at the thought right about now, so she tries to get the person to help her out with the whip cream stock because she really can't focus right now.

"Over here" the shopkeeper welcomes her.

And Meredith stops once they get there to send a text to Cristina, so she doesn't see another figure arriving into the store at the same time.

* * *

"Hello, do you stock any whip cream?" Addison asks the storekeeper.

_(NO. FREAKING. WAY.)_

Meredith tries to pick up her cans of whip cream as fast as she can to get out of there but instead, she bumps into Addison as she rushes for the cash.

"I'm sorry," Meredith says before Addison can.

And it's that damn apologizing that gets Addison absolutely every freaking time.

"It's not your fault Meredith, I wasn't looking where I was going," Addison says to her softly.

"I-thanks" Meredith says, for Addison telling her it wasn't her fault.

She looks up at Addison's eyes now and smiles.

Even though it makes her panicky and feel like she's skydiving every single time, Meredith still can't help that she's happy to see Addison again.

"So I see you've cornered the market on all the whip cream" Addison is the one finally to smirk up at Meredith now.

"Yeah, Cristina texted me to pick some up" Meredith smiles. "For the _cake_ " she adds.

Only that just makes it worse because she's blushing again. Even harder than before and then _that_ is what finally alerts her to Meredith's friends' alternate uses for whip cream.

_(Damn interns asking for me to buy them their sex props. Holy shit!)_

_(But you were definitely thinking about Meredith Grey licking whip cream off your nipple…)_

_(Ok she's right next to me now you need to give me a little more heads up than that.)_

_(Like giving head-)_

_(OK THIS HAS GOT TO STOP NOW.)_

"Oh. Well, I'll let you get it then unless I mean you want me to I can but not because I think that you can't and… You know what, why don't I help you carry all this stuff out to your car and then we can call it a day?" Addison offers so that both of them can get the hell out of there.

_(She doesn't offer to buy any of the whipped creams, because firstly she doesn't want to have to tell Meredith how she would even know to buy whip cream because she was NOT going to tell her that Cristina had her number and that Meredith didn't…)_

_(You do know that wanting to give your intern your number on purpose is a problem right…)_

_(But yeah good call on the whip cream thing. You don't want to make it seem like you think Meredith is pathetic or can't handle herself or that you're rich and want to show off. That's why you let her buy you tequila at Joe's that night. That and she was so sweet and you just…)_

"Thanks," Meredith says to her sincerely, and she picks up the whip cream cans and starts loading them into the grocery cart and motions for you to help her by doing the same.

Once they get to the register though there's another challenge that's lying ahead for them.

"Ah, well now I see why I couldn't get your number, cute doctor girl," the shopkeeper says to Meredith as Addison sort of shoots her a confused and jealous and I don't know what look.

And Meredith only stares at her confused a moment before she goes on.

"Your girlfriend over there, she's a real ten you know," the shopkeeper says.

But before Meredith can negate all those facts, Addison is slipping her hand into Merediths to tell her "why thank you, dear shopkeeper. Well, we best be getting on our way to the party now" in almost a prim proper accent, as Addison only purchases a bottle of sour candy, a bottle of scotch, and some tampons for herself.

_(Idly, Meredith wonders whether the scotch is for Addison or for Derek but she doesn't ask either way.)_

And Meredith only squeezes onto Addison's hand harder and nods dumbly before helping her carry the whipped cream and load all the bags into her car with the treats and all.

"Why?" Meredith asks all tenderly when they close the trunk, still not wanting to let go of Addison's hand now just yet.

"I just - well I- because I-" Addison fumbles for a second because there IS no good reason.

_(Except to feel what it would feel like to have her as your girlfriend even for two minutes because you got jealous when Meredith even turned down a shopkeeper!)_

" Well didn't want her to hit on me and I usually had a wedding ring on for that but you know, well I don't but I still am legally married though that's supposed to change soon I just didn't want to explain all that," Addison says a little bit vulnerable to Meredith now.

And she's not even lying, not a little bit. She didn't want to be hit on and she didn't want to have something go on before she was officially single. And she's praying that Meredith will understand.

"Oh, Addison" Meredith calls her by her first name and only narrowly escapes calling her "Addie" like she really wants to.

Meredith squeezes a reassuring pump on her hand,

"You don't have to worry I'm not mad I'm just glad I can help. And by the way, for what it's worth I think you're the bestest fake girlfriend a girl could ask for" Meredith beams at her.

And Addison's heart opens up so much like this. All she wants is to say something- do something - be something to Meredith but she can't and she knows it and Meredith knows it.

So instead Meredith runs soothing circles around where Addison's wedding ring used to be.

And then she says it's a shame she doesn't have it anymore because "throwing it over the ferryboat into the sea would be fun ya know"

And Addison jokes to her that maybe she'll ask for it back when she and Derek divide up their assets just so she CAN throw it into the ocean herself.

And Meredith giggles at that one and tries to pick out her keys from her pocket without untangling their hands.

And when Meredith drops them Addison picks them up, finally releasing their hands as she does.

Meredith mourns the contact and sighs as she does, so she doesn't quite notice the way Addison is thumbing over the engraving of "M" on them.

_(As if she's remembering something. As if she's remembering holding it in her very hands before, because Addison was.)_

_(Addison is remembering how she rolled her thumb and her fingers all over that key for a day before finally returning it with a bit of a sigh.)_

_(There was no reason for her to want it, but a part of her did. A small or large or whatever part of her wanted to have a keepsake of that night with Meredith. A key to Meredith's Grey's heart if she could put it that way, she thinks maybe...)_

"Thanks," Meredith says to Addison genuinely as Addison finally hands her key set over to Meredith.

"You're welcome," Addison says to her, smiling softly as she's lost all in thought again.

"I'll see you later," Meredith says with a grin.

"See you" Addison sort of half-waves.

"You know, for what it's worth I think it's cool that you had a creative answer to turn down that woman. Now that you're gay you know you'll have women and men lining up for you…" Meredith says.

"Are you gonna give me any names?" Addison says before she can take it back in.

"Not while you're still not _divorced,_ " Meredith says a bit harshly and adds "It wouldn't be a good thing for a friend and fake girlfriend to do" she adds quickly, to cover herself up more.

"Right. You're really alright Grey" Addison says to Meredith in a thank-you.

"Yeah, I guess you're not really too bad either, _Montgomery,_ " Meredith says to her in a smirk at the last-name thing. A sort of an inside joke for them from the other night.

"Haha, not bad, not bad. Well, gladly another time, I gotta run" Addison says turning to her own car.

And with that, she was gone.

Meredith leans up against her own car for a second to take a deep breath.

_(Having Addison's hand in hers felt absolutely electrifying. And having Addison say that she's her girlfriend even in pretend made her heart swell so big it almost exploded or something. Wow. Cristina would actually kill her for comparing a crush to something needing heart surgery. Or maybe she wouldn't and just want to cut her heart open…?)_

Speaking of Cristina, Meredith remembers to text her back now.

* * *

**Text Message, 14:26, Location: Seattle**

_Meredith Twisted Sister Grey to Cristina Your Person Yang_

**MEREDITH**

[Got whole stock of 7 Eleven whip cream.]

[coming now, she's coming now too with sour candies. The red ones I think. ]

[AND she's NOT MY platonic girlfriend doctor boss lady SHE IS MARRIED CRISTINA.]

[u two better be dressed when I get back there.]

_Meredith Twisted Sister Grey marks all the rest of her irrelevant text message as "read"._

Meredith isn't expecting to get a reply right away, but she does from Cristina.

**CRISTINA**

[haha so you ARE COMING TOGETHER.]

[GOOD JOB MEREDITH GET YOURS SHE IS STUNNING.]

_(Goddammit Cristina, why do you have such a dirty mind. Now I'm thinking of all the ways I could make Addison come with a sour candy in her mouth. Jesus, I need to get laid!)_

**MEREDITH**

[WE WILL BE ATTENDING THE PARTY TOGETHER AFTER HAVING MET AT RANDOM IN A CONVENIENCE STORE AND THAT'S WHAT SHE BOUGHT AND I BOUGHT THE WHIP CREAM THEIR ENTIRE STOCK NOW SO YOU ARE WELCOME CRISTINA.]

[As I said, Addison is _married_.]

_(Meredith replies in a huff then realizes she just could have lied to Cristina about meeting up with Addison she didn't have to know that. Even if Cristina IS her person. DAMN! And now what if she asks about the store and I have to tell her Addison PRETENDED to be my girlfriend. That throws her 'platonic girlfriend comment' to a whole entire level!)_

**CRISTINA**

[she's not 4 married long u wanna hit that post-McDreamy divorce papers?]

[because she did confess her love 4 the vaginas not 2 long ago.]

[or r u still wanting that 'mystery person' to come back and sweep u off your feet?]

_Meredith Grey marks all of her texts now as "Read" and she slams her phone shut without answering Cristina._

_(Because Meredith has no idea what to say to her other than "YES FUCKING YES I REALLY WANNA HIT ON ADDISON AND DO NAUGHTY THINGS TO HER ALL DAY, NIGHT LONG AND MAKE HER SCREAM OUT MY NAME SO SHE FORGETS OUR McDreamy FOREVER)_

And that's not the kind of thing she wants to admit to Cristina yet.

Not with the fifty thousand questions about the 'mystery person' thing that Cristina has just reminded her of because she'd honestly practically forgotten about it just then.

_(God, when did her sex life ever get to be this complicated without any of the sex in it!)_

* * *

Meanwhile, finally stopping by her hotel room for a moment to change and to grab a fresh set of clothes for the rest of the evening, Addison checks for any text messages she might have missed earlier while her phone was still charging.

She picks out her red and green scarf that she'd been talking to the boys about and she stuffs it into her purse along with the scotch, tampons, and sour candies. This was going to be a long night when she and Derek finally signed their divorce papers, so it was the least she could do to provide him some comfort.

(The tampons were hers of course and sour candies were for the party. It was only the scotch that was for Derek, of course…)

So when Addison opens her phone she has a near heart attack reading the messages which pop up now:

* * *

**Text Message, 14:02, Location: Seattle**

_Cardio God to Skippy Gold_

**CARDIO GOD**

[YO SKIPPY. WE NEED TO TALK ASAP. CALL ME.]

[It's about your dirty little secret. Someone's catching on and you don't want that now.]

[Seriously, call me back Skippy. And pick up some extra whip cream for the party.]

[I have a feeling we're going to run out of it here…]

_Cristina sets her phone to vibrate now._

* * *

"SHIT!" Addison swears aloud and scrolls through her contacts to dial Cristina Yang's number.

At least she knew that no one had had a chance to tell Meredith yet because she'd literally just been with her at the 7 Eleven.

_(Yeah you REALLY liked to be her fake girlfriend. The sweet looks she gives you. The way her hand feels in yours. How she had to have help packing those whip cream cans in the car. Yes, YOU are the definition of "whipped" much more even all that whip cream now combined…)_

***** OUTGOING CALL FROM SKIPPY GOLD TO CARDIO GOD *****

***** INCOMING CALL FROM SKIPPY GOLD TO CARDIO GOD *****

* * *

Cristina Yang picks up her phone on the very first ring, as she licks the final patch of whip cream off of Izzie's neck and tells her to lick the rest off of herself because it's an urgent call from her mother she has to take or else she'll yell.

Izzie seems to buy this as she sexily makes a show of taking the cream off her chin with two fingers and sucks it into her lips with a hum.

Cristina winks at her for showing this as she runs up to Meredith's currently unoccupied bedroom to take the incoming call now from Addison.

"YO SKIPPY, WHAT'S UP THIRD COUSIN YO" Cristina says the pseudonym loud enough so Addison knows she's supposed to follow along with this charade.

"Hey ah-" Addison doesn't know quite what to say back.

"You can call me Cristina, SKIPPY, it's okay we're like third cousins even though you know that I hate star wars" Cristina smirks over the phone as Addison senses it.

Addison realizes that she's right, it would be more suspicious to call her "Cardio God" if anyone is listening so at least this way she doesn't have to add that to Yang's ego.

"Hey, so I got your text, what's up," Addison asks in a concerned tone.

"Well, SKIPPY, you see my someone I know and you also know just said to me she remembers someone she knows that's called ADDISON had an extra key on THEIR car keys not too long ago, and that ADDISON didn't have an extra when she helped ADDISON park her car the other day" Cristina is whispering that part in case Izzie can hear her and Addison sets her sound to "loud" because she's at the Archfield anyhow.

"And did your friend say anything more? About the key or about this "ADDISON-PERSON" Addison asks Cristina with a worry and also trying not to mess up the 3rd person's.

"Well, she mentioned someone Meredith Grey also had a missing key not too long ago that reappeared and that she asked this Meredith Grey person if they lost their keys and got them back and she said yes but don't worry about it… But obviously she was worried enough to tell ME about it" Cristina says to Addison in a huff.

"So what do you think I should do about it then?" Addison asks her sort of dumbly.

"Well, SKIPPY, unfortunately, I have no GOLDEN solutions for you, but I'll say that my friend that you know did say TO ME ironically enough to keep this all our secret. And I know she's buttering me up and trying to make me feel all special so I didn't say anything more before we started… baking the cake some more but I just thought that I should call you. It's been a while cousin SKIPPY GOLD" she says.

"Yeah, good to talk to you too I guess," Addison says with a big sigh.

"You know, I ran into her at the store earlier," Addison says without thinking now.

"Umm - who did you run into Skippy? Cristina asks as if she doesn't know.

"Well - YOU KNOW WHO. Anyways-" Addison starts up again.

"Jeez it's not like Voldemort it's not like he-who-shall-not-be-named. You're never gonna get in her pants if you compare her to a demon" Cristina says to her full smirk now.

"I shall have you know that I have already claimed the ruler-of-all-that-is-evil title thank you very much," Addison says to her quickly and smirks herself at her quick-witted response.

"Well, either way, did you get that whipped cream I asked you for now SKIPPY?" Cristina said to her in question.

"No, Meredith bought the whole store out," Addison says. "She's probably on her way back to her house now you know," Addison says.

And with that Cristina pries her door open to see someone pull up in their car.

"SHIT YOU'RE RIGHT SHE'S BACK SOON. Anyways you know what I know now. And I'm getting a bit tired of this game. So you need to get your papers done so I can relax and enjoy myself, and really I'm telling you this as YOUR PERSONAL WINGWOMAN that I still trust you with my bestie. I'm not taking that back from you at all…." Cristin says softly now as possible as she can hear Meredith start to walk towards the steps.

"Just know she has trust-things going on, you know from being abandoned by McDreamy. So just, you need to tell her even if it hurts her at first. Because the longer you wait she'll feel like you might be ashamed of helping her. And I know that's the opposite of what you want. I'm keeping this secret because I know it'll hurt you both if she hears it from anywhere else. But you're time is running out SKIPPY. So, you better go be a Jedi because you don't want to end up Darth Vader" Cristina ends with an analogy which she knows will annoy Addison but also provide cover with her "SKIPPY GOLD" persona.

So when she hears Meredith open the door to the house now, she only hears a faint "Thank you so, so, so much Cristina. And thank you for trusting me with her. I won't let you down I promise" before she hangs up the phone and texts Addison she didn't mean to drop the call but she has to go now.

And Cristina lies flat on her back now, smirking because Addison didn't even deny any of her feelings towards Grey that time in her texts or calls.

And Addison lies flat on her back now, sighing, running her own set of keys through her fingers as a habit like she used to twirl her wedding ring around.

_But without Meredith's key on it, it just doesn't feel the same._

* * *

Now that the cake is baked, the boys somehow magically appear in the kitchen, freshly showered after their little 'naptime' with each other.

And they're asking for samples of the cake which makes Izzie and Cristina bat their arms away with both of their hands.

Meredith is now hopped up on the counter, making a card for John the patient and getting everyone to sign it.

At this Cristina texts Addison to give her a heads up about the card and to bring along a signature stamp if she has one of only her first name so the "M"s won't give her all away, to which Addison thanks her.

Cristina says to everyone she's texting her cousin and her mother and they just believe her.

And once Mer passes the card around she says she wishes there was something else they could do, and then Izzie suggests a sort of secret santa.

They can all chip in a gift and John the patient has to guess who each one is from.

And they love the idea entirely so they go to pick them out.

* * *

As soon as they get to the hospital, Cristina gives Meredith a knowing smirk as Meredith ignores it.

She ignores the "hah-platonic-girlfriend-all-the-way" look when she goes running to try to find Addison to tell her about the 'secret Santa'.

And she's shy about where she finds her because it's outside the attending's lounge with Richard, Derek, Burke, and Webber and Addison is laughing at something Bailey just joined them and started saying.

So she approaches the group of older doctors to finally blurt out "we want to give John the patient a secret Santa all of keepsakes. The budget is $10 each no more. And it has to be from secret Santa so he can guess as a surprise" Meredith finally says to them.

She's trying hard not to only smile at Addison now who is only smiling back at her. And Meredith finally mumbles "put them in the basket that will be outside his room in the hall so we can bring them in all at once" as she stares up and down at Addison one more time before she leaves.

And she can feel someone is following her and she has a feeling that it's Addison. So Meredith keeps walking quickly so that Addison won't catch up to her right in front of her… their... Derek.

Eventually, she lets Addison catch up to her before motioning to her with her eyes to follow her into the empty scan room.

"Me and Derek we ah, we talked yesterday by the way. I didn't mention that in the store or in front of my friends but we talked" Meredith says.

"And?" Addison asks, suddenly rather seriously.

"He doesn't think we- that we were- that ah- you-me- ah- cheating….him…" Meredith mumbles because she was about to say something very inappropriate for the workplace...

_(Also you couldn't say 'he doesn't think that we were fucking' with at all a straight face…)_

_(HA-STRAIGHT-AS NEITHER OF YOU NOR YOUR POTTED PLANT WHICH YOU ALSO FORGOT TO FEED WITH THAT NEW PLANT FOOD BY THE WAY.)_

_(OOPS. SORRY PLANT. DAMN, I DO NEED TO FEED THE PLANT! IT'S GETTING SO STRESSED OUT LATELY IT'S THE LEAST YOU CAN DO FOR IT MER!)_

"Good" Addison cuts Meredith off before she says something that would make her chest go red.

"Good," Meredith says succinctly back at her.

"Is he…" Addison doesn't know what question or emotion to ask about.

"He's upset but then he told me about the night you left him, how you left him a note and he was drinking scotch and you left him water and aspirin. I thought it was sweet of you you know for Derek given the circumstances. And then he asked where you went that night and I said you went home and had an early night because that's what you said."

_(Addison is nodding now but she's freaking out internally.)_

"And I didn't tell him this but someone left me a mystery note not too long ago. I guess what I'm trying to say is that nice people are around Seattle. Like you. That's all. And my mystery person and you just kinda think alike in some ways. That's all."

_(Addison is blinking hard because she doesn't want to give anything up with her face.)_

"And yeah so.. Also, can you still keep that 'mystery person' thing a secret by the way? I only ever told Cristina about it and kind of you about it a long time ago and we never talked about it again and I don't want my friends to give me hell or especially Derek" Meredith pleads with her.

_(And Addison considers telling her it all right there and then. She's on the cusp of figuring it all anyhow. But she doesn't think it's right while she's still not separated from Derek. So she holds her tongue and nods at her and tells her it will be okay…)_

_(Then Addison asks her if she feels better now, about Derek and the rest. And Meredith does.)_

"Of course Meredith. I won't tell a soul" Addison promises.

Meredith nods at her in gratitude and Addison tries to smile through it.

"Hey, I have a question for you unrelated though" Addison changes the topic gently.

"I know what I want to get for John the patient, but I need your help with it if you want to tag-team" she smiles sweetly.

And once Meredith hears the idea she's jumping for joy and hugging Addison at just how perfect it will be.

And Addison hugs her back before releasing her and she's thankful all the same.

* * *

*****

*****

*****

*****

*****

******* END OF CHAPTER 25**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Thanks all, here's a creative chapter that I never thought would happen till recently.

But I really enjoyed it and I hope you do too!

Drama is heating up and so is the fluff!

What is your favorite part of this chapter?

What do you think Meredith and Addison's gift for John will be?

(If you get it SPOT ON, I will gift you a MerAdd one shot in your honor, and you get to pick the prompt!

(For the offer to be valid you have to guess before the next chapter is posted. You have likely 20 hours from the post time of this chapter so get going with those guesses!)

(So happy guessing, readers, can't wait to hear your thoughts... but I bet I have something planned that you never expected!)

Enjoy the next approximately max 36-48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a great day,  
> much love and hope to hear from you  
> @bobbiejelly


	26. Meanwhile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here are the meanwhile adventures of the comical hijinks that ensue as the doctors get ready for John the patient's party.

_Author's Note:_

_Thanks for your patience and love today._

_I know it's the first day since April 1st that I did not upload (yesterday.)_

_I really wanted to but it just didn't happen at all,_

_But picking up the pace now._

_Here's a new one just for you!_

_Let me know what you think in the comments,_

_And have a great day!_

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by me, bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Chapter 26: Meanwhile**

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

"So what was the boy-man-Psychiatrist's name after all?" Addison asks Meredith if she remembers, as they idly pack up the snacks into boxes.

"Why, are you interested?" Meredith says with a bit of a menace and it makes Addison's lips curl up in a bit of a smile.

"Well, not for ME, no" Addison clarifies despite her enjoyment of Meredith's eyes flashing in jealousy at the concept.

_(Interesting. Maybe I'm not the only one who's 'got it bad'...)_

"I thought you told me to stay away from him because you 'used to know about him' and that you were 'a more experienced doctor than me' and you knew it?" Meredith calls Addison out on her bluff.

"So then you're not going to tell me?" Addison sighs at Meredith.

"Nope," Meredith smirks at her. The same way that Cristina always smirks at her and she wonders who taught the other that one.

"Darn, do you really have to look all so smug about it?" Addison says to Meredith frustratedly.

"Well, it's not every day that I get to know more than my boss so yeah" Meredith grins at her.

And it's just so damn cute that Addison can't resist grinning a little bit back at her.

"Why do you ask about him anyways?" Meredith questions her.

"Oh, just because we're discharging John today as you know and I need to ask him why he held him on a psych hold instead of admitting him to the surgical service right away" Addison says smoothly.

"Right," Meredith says, mostly convinced.

"Makes sense, right?" Addison asks her.

"Well, sure. Do you want me to talk to him for you then?" Meredith questions her.

"I might even be able to get us a favor" Meredith waggles her eyebrows suggestively.

"No, I can handle that part myself," Addison says a bit too forcefully.

"Right. You ARE the boss, Doctor Boss" Meredith doesn't think twice about Addison's motives.

"Ah, but never as much as Doctor Bailey" Addison quirks.

"I wonder why she's not organizing this party herself?" Meredith thinks to herself but has ended up asking aloud.

"No clue. Bailey tells, I go; Same as you all, but don't you dare ever say that to anyone, ever!" Addison says seriously but lightly as well.

"Your secret is safe with me, Doctor Montgomery" Meredith smiles at her.

_(God if all these secrets weren't so hard to keep track of, Addison laughs to herself.)_

"Thanks, Doctor Grey," Addison says with a quip.

"Say, do you mind texting the boys to see how they are doing with the decorations?

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

George O'Malley is doing an okay job of stealing all of his mother's mismatch of holiday decorations into his backpack.

He's trying to get away with it subtly without having to answer any of her questions, especially the ones about why his friend Alex was helping him all of the sudden.

Alex is doing a damn good job of not fussing too much or poking fun at all of it.

So they think they'll be able to sneak away without question, that is, until George's phone goes off loudly.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

**Text Message, 15:42, Location: Seattle**

_MEREDITH GREY TO GEORGE "007" O'MALLEY_

**MEREDITH**

[George how are those decorations shaping up?]

[Addison wants to know.]

[Thanks for asking your mom. I bet she is sweet.]

_GEORGE SETS HIS PHONE NOW TO SILENT FOR MEREDITH._

**GEORGE**

[Going good, Alex is helping.]

[Tell Doctor Montgomery the theme is going to be:]

[A week full of holidays. (I couldn't decide).]

[See you later.]

_GEORGE SETS HIS PHONE NOW TO SILENT FOR ALL INCOMING CONTACTS._

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

"He's got them. George has the decorations! Apparently they are from everything. Like Christmas and Easter and Halloween and the others" Meredith says now to Addison.

"Thank you Doctor Grey" Addison is being all professional now, and Meredith wonders why the "Doctor Grey" all of the sudden, and then she spies Derek and Burke and Webber all coming their way, and that seems to answer that question for her.

"Doctors," Addison greets them professionally.

"Doctor," Derek says to her because he's not sure what to say to her now.

"Addison" Preston Burke tries before Addison gives him a big glare before he switches to "Doctor Montgomery."

Only Richard Webber gets away with calling Addison "Addie" and it makes Meredith pang a bit at how she can't call Addison that nickname _(yet...)_.

"Looking Good," says Richard Webber first to their so far assemblage of snacks.

"Can I-" Preston Burke goes to steal away some samples before Addison slaps him right on the hand.

"Those are for the _Party,_ " Addison says to him sternly and frowns when he seems to enjoy how she's bossy. _(UGH.)_

"LEAVE HER ALONE!" Pipes in Meredith, and it startles Addison a little bit but doesn't surprise Richard Webber at all.

"Always did have her mother's temper, that one," Richard says to Meredith, endearingly. "I'd watch out for that one if I were you," Richard says then to no one in particular.

_(And this Meredith's flash of temper thing is really working for Addison because she's now looking away from Meredith to give Bruke an indignant expression, hoping that her flush of red all over her chest will be confused as her anger and not at her delight at what Meredith's sudden red-hot temper just does for her body.)_

"Ooh, I wouldn't want to go anywhere near Addison either. She bites when she's upset!" Derek says looking at her with an unreadable expression. He knows that the flush could be for a variety of reasons, but that none of them are good for him now so he stays quiet.

_(Meredith wonders if Derek means that Addison 'bites' in the literal sense or in the metaphorical sense, and frankly, she's sort of turned on by either or both of those things...)_

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

"ARE ANY OF YOU FOOLS GONNA TRY BEING DOCTORS THIS EVENING?" Miranda Bailey wails at them from the end of the hall.

"Right away, Doctor Bailey" even Richard Webber submits, and all of the other attendings scatter while Meredith and Addison keep packing up the snacks.

"You can have some if you want, now," Addison says to her in a whisper.

"Just for you though. Don't go telling anyone else!" Meredith says, trying to butter Bailey up a bit.

"Don't mind if I do" Bailey picks out a chocolate bar. "Good lord all these chocolate cravings are killing me these days. Well, you know what it's like…" She says 'matter of factly'. And both Addison and Meredith nod at this in a sort of solidarity of a moment.

And Bailey looks at the way Addison is beaming at the intern as if she were the sun for her. And Meredith is squishing a little closer to Addison now as if that girl could calm all the rain for her on any stormy day.

And Bailey just smiles for a moment, not wanting to give anything away. And she lets them continue the packing, only to tell them both that "If no one is in there, Addison you can have Grey help you put those cans of whipped cream in the Attendings lounge fridge."Before she walks away saying she'll see them at five.

As soon as Bailey is gone though, Derek Shepherd reappears in front of both of them looking rather rugged and… Even Addison doesn't know what. But he has a purpose in his stride and it is starting to scare her a bit.

Meredith notices the tension and _really_ wants to rub Addison's shoulder in comfort, but she knows that won't help her now so instead she keeps unpacking the Cheetos without offering Derek any.

"Meet me tonight at Seven. Let me know if you still want to go for Thai, I will if you want to. I'll even buy" Derek offers to Addison.

And if looks could kill anyone, Addison would be dead in a second. Because Meredith is fuming at Addison under the assumption that Derek was going back to her to try to take her for dinner. But before Meredith could start punching him out in the hospital with her tiny, ineffectual fists, Addison speaks up and stands in between them so nothing violent hits.

"I don't want to go out for Dinner, Derek. We just need to do this. Order Thai if you want, you know what my order is. Thanks for that. And I'll ask Richard if we can reserve the conference room. Let me know when they get here." Addison says to him coldly. "And I can buy my own dinner, Derek. Though I will not be buying yours, either. You just save the receipt and I'll pay you right back" she says clearly.

"Pad Thai with shrimp, extra lime, green onions, peanuts, and less cilantro, side of tofu salad rolls with peanut sauce, diet Doctor Pepper and maybe a dessert I can buy you so you don't feel guilty about ordering one on your own?" Derek asks her, but hollow as well.

_(Meredith feels a pang of jealousy and annoyance that Derek has memorized that something about Addison she didn't even know about, yet)_

"Yeah. My tastes have changed for snack foods but I guess not about everything. Like I don't hate what I used to like I just like other things now that I didn't before" Addison just says to him, almost sadly. "I'll call them right away. If they can't do delivery though, would you be able to drive?" Derek asks her.

_(He's trying hard not to say "we're getting a divorce Addison because you asked me for one. I won't be plastered like the night you left me your rings and the papers, but I'll probably sneak some scotch into my soda at the party. I've cleared my schedule for surgeries and consults tonight 'just for the party', but the truth is I'll probably be too drunk to drive by then.)_

_(And Addison starts thinking about this, then. And she's tempted to ask even right in front of Meredith if she can have a few shots of that scotch she knows he has stowed away in his desk drawer later for herself.)_

And Addison reads through his expression like glass, and she says she'll pick it up no problem even if she has to slip out of the party. And he nods at her a hollow 'thanks' and he's gone.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

A moment passes where Addison sighs and Meredith doesn't move a single muscle.

But once Derek is out of earshot of them, she leans closer and lays a hand onto Addison's arm like she'd wanted to earlier.

"You're not dating him, are you? This is something else, entirely, isn't it?" Meredith says to her softly.

"We're signing the papers this evening," Addison says to her softly. Hardly above even a whisper.

"Oh, Addie" Meredith can't help herself from calling Addison that right now. "I'm sorry, ya know," she says, even though she knows this is what Addison has wanted.

"Can I do anything?" she asks, not pressing further into touching Addison because she's already starting to pull away from her touch.

"Can you drive?" Addison asks her, her voice breaking a bit.

"I don't have my car here, George and Alex borrowed it for the decorations," Meredith says in a conundrum.

"It's okay, I trust you. I have insurance for it anyways" Addison pleads with her eyes, pulling her car keys out of her pocket and handing them over to Meredith.

Meredith takes them solemnly, not asking why off Addison's scared look why she's handing them over to her now rather than closer to seven. But then her eyes open a bit wide at the meaning of 'Addison not driving' and she keeps her thoughts to herself.

Meredith palms the keys in her fingers the same way Addison does, and that she used to with Meredith's keys. She attaches Addison's own keyring to hers and puts the whole set back into her pocket, enjoying the weight of both of them.

And as Meredith does this, Addison tries not to stare too longingly at Meredith's key set, and at that beautiful engraving of an "M" that she knows already is on the one to her home.

"You know I almost lost this one forever," Meredith says to Addison with a sigh.

"But you didn't?" Addison tries to ask as a question.

"No. I didn't." Meredith says, without offering more.

And Addison sighs out in relief as Meredith jumps up, changing moods abruptly as she exclaims:

"SO COME ON I WANNA GO SPY ON THE ATTENDINGS LOUNGE FRIDGE!" dragging Addison along with a tug of the elbow.

And Addison, with a chuckle, agrees easily.

* * *

_Meanwhile_ ,

"So can you do the thing with your tongue with the cherries?" Izzie challenges Cristina while they hang around Meredith's house after having finished preparing the cake.

"Oh, you are SO on!" Cristina doesn't back down at all.

So the two of them eat ten vanilla-flavored-cherries each as fast as they can before seeing if they can twist a knot with them with their tongue in the stems of them before the other one can.

"Done!" Izzie says a second faster than Cristina.

"But mine are _double knotted!_ " Cristina exclaims to her in pride.

"Mm, double trouble," Izzie says to her suggestively.

"Indeed" Cristina quirks an eyebrow at Izzie until she cracks before she does.

"What do you say about letting the cake cool in the fridge for a while and you can teach me more about the skills you have like double-knotting with your tongue" Izzie propositions to Cristina.

"Done. But we are keeping our clothes on. I'm classy like that and I'm not letting you put out for me on the first date" says Cristina.

"Done. I'm asking you out to Italian food later today before Joe's then because I have a feeling that us fooling around here with nobody home is going to prove to be all of my willpower." Izzie says to her wisely.

"How did you know I liked Italian food?" Cristina asks her curiously.

"Um, most people do I guess and I seen you eat pizza?" she shrugs at Cristina.

"Fair enough. At least it's not Vietnamese food again!" Cristina smiles a bit.

"Nope, not my favorite either" Izzie says to her sweetly.

_(She's wanting to take credit for that one rather than sharing that Addison sort of tipped her away for it for whatever reason. How she knew Cristina's restaurant preferences Izzie had no idea, but either way, she wanted to awaken her beast tonight. She didn't want anything to stop it.)_

"Come ON" Cristina yelps at her, now the one who doesn't want to wait.

"Wait, just let me put the cake in!" Izzie giggles as Cristina already has her hands all up and down her waist.

"Mm, okay that feels nice, lead on Cristina!" Izzie runs after her until they both crash on her mattress.

"Mm, I'm going to set a timer so we don't make out past the whole party" Cristina sets one on her phone as Izzie starts to fondle her ass a bit and plant kisses all over her shoulders.

"No marks. Not yet. For either of us, everyone will give us hell!" Cristina says before Izzie nibbles into her.

"God, fine" Izzie huffs at Cristina, annoyed she can't feel what Cristina's teeth might feel like grazing over her skin.

"It's okay, I will give you all the hickeys you want after dinner, Doctor Barbie" she nods at the nickname she's reserved for Izzie.

"Mm, you too, my Cardio Princess," Izzie says to her in a teasing tone as well.

And this flirtation and fun continue for quite a while that afternoon.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

George and Alex are inundated with George's brothers asking him about cars. And also his dad who is impressed at Alex's knowledge of cars. And also his mother, Louise asking if his friend Alex has been at all well-fed today.

"We have not had lunch yet I guess if you're asking?" George says to her simply, feeling awkward that his mother is meeting his… _buddy_ this way.

"Oh, well come have some soup then. Growing boy you look like your muscles are underfed. Now have some rolls, too" Louise O'Malley fawns over him.

And Alex looks so moved at how nicely George's mom is treating him better than his own mom ever could and much better than any of his previous partners ever would.

George senses this rush of emotion in Alex, so he plays footsie with him under the table as the brothers and his father compete on who has the best hiking story.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

As Addison and Meredith spy through the window of the Attendings lounge, Meredith can't see anyone but Addison can because she's taller.

She sees a figure so she says that she'll go in to look at who it is.

And it's Miranda Bailey who looks sad and preoccupied for some reason.

Addison pries open the door just so she can slide through and gives Meredith a signal to stay silent, and she walks over to Bailey to put an arm around her gently.

"You can come on in Grey, just this once now, just today. Just shut the door there behind you and click the lock. I know you're standing there" Bailey turns to the door where she can see Meredith's shadow.

Meredith sighs a bit, revealing herself and determines that between her and Cristina, that she would NOT be the one to become a secret agent at all, given that she couldn't even conceal her presence behind an almost-closed door.

"Can you keep a secret, Grey? And I mean even from Yang and your friends" Bailey asks Meredith now, not having to bother to ask Addison.

"I can, I promise you, Bailey," Meredith says with pleading eyes.

"I found out two things today. Two things I wish I didn't have to find out at the same time, today" Bailey says very sadly.

"I'm sorry," Meredith apologizes like she does before Addison can even get a word in edgewise.

"Thanks, Grey," Bailey accepts from her intern. "And thanks, Addison," Bailey says to her even though she has not actually formed the words to her yet, she just knows.

"So the first one is that I found a letter from my husband. And it's a beautiful love note, and I read it and I almost cry…" Bailey says to them softly.

"But?" Addison asks her gently, having an idea of what the devastating thing that Bailey is going to say might be.

"It was my husband's writing, and my husband's signed it. But it wasn't addressed TO me. And it was dated from yesterday" Bailey almost breaks down as she says these words like sharded glass.

"I'm so, sorry," Addison says to her, and Bailey knows that she's apologizing in her own way to the universe for all the pain she has caused by having had an affair.

"But the worst part is the second discovery. This one I made when I went to check my blood levels in case I get high cholesterol" Bailey says.

And Addison knows before Meredith, but she doesn't say it so Bailey can say it.

"What does it mean, Grey, when levels of beta-hCG are elevated, Grey? We learned that this week" she says cryptically to make it seem more like she's using this as a teachable moment.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

"The patient is, OH MY GOD BAILEY ARE YOU PREGNANT!?" Meredith exclaims with a whisper-yell.

"HUSH!" Bailey says to her and Meredith's eyes fly open as she covers her mouth over with both of her hands.

"You're going to need a better poker face if you want a future in OB-GYN" Addison chuckles at Meredith to lighten the mood.

"I'm s-" Meredith goes to apologize but Bailey shakes her head "don't".

"I asked, Grey. You don't have to apologize, I'm proud of you for knowing that" Bailey hums.

"Thanks," Meredith says to her. "You know, you're going to be a really great mother. You know, both of you would be. I mean not like, _together_ , unless you wanted to be and I get it that's cool I'm fine with that but that's not what I meant, what I meant is that you're both so great to us interns and teaching and raising us and treating us well that I just think that a kid would be really lucky to grow up around you even if they might be a little scared off sometimes because of your look when you're all disappointed when we didn't study hard enough but it's never in a bad like you don't care about us way and-"

Meredith rants for a bit and it reminds Addison of her drunken rambling right before she had fallen asleep.

"Thank you, Meredith," Bailey says to her using her first name to interrupt her train of thought. "You better not call me Miranda, though" she adds quickly and Meredith relaxes at the familiar tone.

Off Bailey's look, Addison mumbles a thank-you as well, while Bailey can tell that she's keeping hard from blushing.

"I still don't know what I'm going to name him. But I know that I will when the time comes" she says.

Meredith wraps a hug around Bailey and tucks her neck into her shoulder. "You really are going to be a great mother," Meredith says coherently now.

_(And both Bailey and Addison can tell that Meredith is currently trying hard not to say that 'Bailey, you already are…Bailey, you're the mother figure I never really had from my own mother...')_

"Thanks for taking over the party planning. I just couldn't today' Bailey says to break the silence a bit.

"Thanks for letting me see the attending lounge" Meredith smiles a bit cheekily.

"Ha- like you haven't played hide and seek in here before. I almost tripped on your shoulder when you were six years old" Bailey laughs as it's Meredith's turn now to blush hard.

"Sorry I made you almost lose a limb," Meredith says a bit sheepishly.

"It's alright, Grey" Bailey switches back to her last name. "I was an intern then running around as you hooligans do" she laughs.

"They are chasing after things at least, most of the time" Addison adds in Meredith's defense.

"Oh, I doubt that," Bailey says to her with a bit of a glint. "But it's not that I don't miss it all somedays, so I know what you mean" she softens.

"Can I get you anything?" Meredith says in an empathetic tone she remembers from hers and Meredith's first night at the bar together, so she tries not to flash recognition of it in front of her face.

"Well I can't have any alcohol" Bailey laughs with them all.

"I know just the thing," says Addison, who goes to the fridge and whips open a bottle of Diet Doctor Pepper and adds a lime wedge and ice in a glass for it.

"You can pretend it's a rum and coke, you know if hypothetically we would drink in a hospital," Addison says, realizing too late she might not have wanted to say that, that way in front of an intern.

"I know many people who have had drinks in this hospital. It's not like you're 'not telling me' something I don't already know" Meredith deadpans a little too harshly.

Addison gives Bailey a look to say "does she mean Richard or does she mean Ellis Grey?" all the while Meredith is pouring herself and Addison a soda as well.

"I splurged on the curly straws because nothing's fun if it's only straight," Meredith says to them all in mischief.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

"Oh, lord, we're becoming a sitcom," says Bailey. "What do you like Better? The Gays of Our Lives? Will & Will? Single Lesbians of Seattle?" she offers.

"Well I think the last one is out because we can't discriminate against gay men," Meredith says all inclusively, paying no big deal either way to Bailey's indirect admission of her non-straightness, either.

And Addison winces thinking directly of Derek, but she recovers once Bailey interrupts and says "she already knows all about George and Alex and she's fine with it as long as they don't skip off being surgeons just like anyone else".

Neither of them wants to ask what Bailey is going to tell or not tell her current husband in this predicament, so instead, they just sit there until Meredith remembers she still has to pick up the cake.

"See you later," Bailey says, not wanting to over-exert herself.

"Can you watch George and Alex putting up the decorations when they get here?" Addison says to Bailey.

_(She doesn't say because I'm not sure the patient will care if they end up getting them all...messed up if they lose concentration and ditch to start making out with each other instead.)_

"Will do. Drive safe" she says to no one in particular as Addison closes the door behind Meredith and Addison both.

"Do you want me to drive to my house or…" Meredith asks because she'd all but assumed Addison wanted her to drive because she might be sneaking drinks in like they'd all 'not talked about earlier' but obviously she hadn't already.

"Well, why would I know the way to your house from here?" Addison quirks up an eyebrow at her.

_(This can't be something that triggers a memory can it? She wonders.)_

"Oh. Right. I forgot. I mean I guess I could GPS it but…" Meredith trails off, embarrassed.

"You're not like a terrible drivers are you or something?" Addison asks her.

"No, it's just because it's your car" Meredith shrugs noncommittally.

"I have the pass here, for the garage. Because I am NOT parked in a red zone this time" Addison says to her then.

"That's good because even though your hair is red you shouldn't be parked in a red zone," Meredith says to her then winces because that joke made no sense at all.

"Should YOU be driving" Addison pokes fun at her then.

"Oh do not get me started on terrible puns" Meredith laughs alongside her as they walk to the car.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Derek is calling in the order for a meal for the order when he wonders whether he should order some for Meredith also. Not as a 'get back together with me' thing. More of a 'sorry I led you on when I was secretly married and never went to get you that night at the bar and for thinking you cheated with Addison that night' kind of thing.

Idly, he wonders if Addison might know what kind of Thai food that Meredith likes, so he texts his not-wife before he calls in the restaurant. He's not sure why this instinct appears in his mind, but it does and Derek is thinking too of other things to care that much about this one.

Before he gets around to phoning in the takeaway, Derek pours himself a glass of single-malt scotch, sitting himself down in his office and thumbing over Mark Sloan's number in his contacts again, knowing that he'll never actually have the courage to ever press the button to call.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Izzie and Cristina are testing their willpower. Knowing they can't cross certain lines though they can test out the boundaries of others. Cristina is sucking on Izzie's breasts over her clothes. Izzie is rubbing her hands on the inside of Cristina's knees on the outside of her pants.

They are kissing each other vigorously when the alarm finally sounds and they shut it off with a huff. "Damn!" yells Cristina at nobody. "Damn!" yells Izzie at nobody as they pull each other in for one final searing kiss.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Alex has eaten three bowls of soup at the O'Malley household and turned down the beer with a sigh because he has to go back to the hospital with George for the party. They tell the brothers they can maybe hang out sometime before heading back on their way.

"Wanna have a quickie in the car?" Alex asks George.

"THIS IS MEREDITH GREY'S CAR!" George exclaims.

"So do you?" Alex asks.

"We are keeping our pants on, but taking our shirts off" George sets the limits.

"Ten minutes tops," says Alex with a smirk. "I promise you, ten minutes if that" George smiles back.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

**Text Message, 15:44, Location: Seattle**

_DEREK CHRISTOPHER SHEPHERD TO ADDISON FORBES MONTGOMERY_

**DEREK**

[Hey I was thinking of picking up Thai for Meredith as well just because I feel like I owe her, for you Sorry. And also for accusing you/her of having an affair when you weren't and anyway let me know what she wants when I call. I'll pay for hers. Text me.]

_DEREK CRISTOPHER SHEPHERD MARKED ALL OTHER MESSAGES AS 'READ'._

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

When Addison reads this text message from… Derek, she's surprised and a bit jealous that Derek is buying Meredith dinner. But also impressed at such a sweet gesture. Normally the divorcing wife might be mad and think he was trying to win her back. But somehow she knows the run-on sentences are a product of the alcohol he's already consumed and she knows in her heart she's not thinking about a woman - not her nor Meredith, at all while he's intoxicated.

She doesn't want to tell Meredith though, that Derek wants to buy her dinner. Nor that she wants to buy her dinner. But she wants to. So she hides the text while Meredith is driving and asks her "Meredith, what kind of Thai do you think is better? I'm settling a debate with Derek. He's just so into this whole rice bowl thing but I can't get into it" Addison shrugs and bites her lip.

"If you're offering, I'm not going to say no. I haven't had anything good to eat in a while and the pad thai thing you talked about sounded really tasty" Meredith says to her, seeking through Addison like glass when she's not trying that hard to get away with it.

"Oh. Umm." Addison hadn't really expected to be caught in a lie by Meredith Grey, even in an innocuous one so she's stunned now, staring at the blonde up and down as she focuses on the road.

_(She is SO flawless, Addison thinks to herself. I mean I know people say that about MY body sometimes but her thin waist; not at all artificial. And her delicate bone structure. She looks like she would melt in my arms but somehow I don't think that's her style and I like that even more…)_

Meredith can feel Addison staring at her, ogling up and down her whole figure. But Meredith secretly loves it so she focuses her eyes ahead on the road and only glances at Addison through the overhead mirror when she's sure that Addison is eyeing her breasts or her ass or her waist.

"Order me another of whatever you're having" Meredith tries to sound casual and not like "I want to know everything about you including what makes your taste buds feel alive."

"Oh." is all Addison says to that as she snaps her eyes back to Meredith's face.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

"Aren't you going to tell him?" Meredith says in a concerned tone and it makes Addison's mind wander everywhere about what she could possibly be talking about.

_(Tell him about your insane crush on his ex-mistress/girlfriend/student/protege/whatever?)_

_(Tell him about how she felt in your arms when she cuddled you to sleep that night?)_

_(Tell him about the whole party thing? Or about the 'mystery key' person thing?)_

_(About how Meredith is driving your car now with your keys because you want to- what? Stare at her some more and pretend you don't like that you know where she lives?)_

_(About how sexy Meredith looks confident at the wheel? About how you kind of want to feel her up on her thigh right now just to see what squeaks she could make and how far you could push before she pulled over and did naughty things to you on the side of the road here?)_

_(About how you also have other secrets to worry about, much less his secrets and you're freaking out?)_

_(About how you want to ask for your rings back to take Meredith Grey on a date and let her throw one of the wedding rings off of the ferry boat?)_

_(About all of the above and then many things more? About your super-secret gift plan that you really should be getting on with because it's getting later in the day?)_

_(There are just too many things so you're sweating so hard now…)_

"Addie?" Meredith questions Addison, looking over while stopped at a stop sign.

"Addie?" She asks again as she tries to provoke an answer.

"ADDISON!" Meredith has to yell a bit louder.

But it doesn't work so instead, Meredith pulls over and puts her hand onto Addison's thigh.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

"It's okay Addison, it's really okay. You're okay now. You're safe here, you're just having a panic attack I used to get those as well" she coos.

"Whoa!" Addison snaps back into focus. "I'm sorry what did you ask me?" Addison tries to remember.

"You're not like secretly drunk are you?" Meredith asks like she would ask a patient that.

"Oh, no just spaced out um, do you want me to tell ah. Yeah, I'll tell him to order you something for dinner" Addison finally remembers the exchange.

"Here" Meredith offers her credit card, pulling it out from her wallet.

"What?" Addison says in confusion. You just said you didn't mind?" she asks again.

"I didn't mind you ordering me something, I thought it was a good idea because we'll be eating cake and junk at the party which both of us had had all day," Meredith says to her knowingly.

_(There she goes again, knowing all about my day. Wow, I kind of like that. Huh. Addison's mind says to her.)_

_(FOCUS BRAIN! YOU ARE NOT DRUNK REMEMBER!)_

"I never said you had to pay for it" Meredith answers softly.

"It's really nice of you" she softens it so Addison doesn't feel rejected.

"You're driving, you're doing me a favor. Actually both of us; it would be rude not to offer when you're picking up OUR dinner" Addison answers.

"We're burning YOUR gas here you know that right?" Meredith says in rebuttal.

"But you're driving. Derek can't drive. And I can't, I mean I could now but. You know I really couldn't" Addison finally admits, surprising herself.

"Just for today, Meredith. Just for today" Addison begs her with her eyes. "We're getting a _divorce_ let us do one thing our way for once. For me!" Addison asks.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

"You realize you are the estranged wife getting a divorce from her husband after an affair ended your relationship, causing the husband to uproot and meet a mistress/girlfriend who subsequently found out he was married and begged him to take the mistress back and leave his wife despite the wife being… a lot of things…" (Meredith doesn't want to elaborate the 'leggy and fabulous part right now.)

"And then in some weird turn of events the wife people called Satan and the Wicked Beast of the East and the ex-dirty mistress became friends behind the husband's back while he couldn't choose between the two women, later finding them asleep together, accusing them of participating in a second affair which was nor true, and then he wants to make it up to I don't know which of us. So now both the divorcing husband and wife are fighting with the mistress about buying her some dinner?"

"That's your guilt-trip? That you're getting a divorce today partially because of my actions because let's face it - I've slept with him and made friends with you after _(she doesn't say 'and I almost slept with you also!)_. And then now you both want to buy me dinner to make me/you/him/ feel better? Because you actually, really care about me… I mean, this is better than a telenovela I"ll give you that one" Meredith finally ends her rant but with a smile.

"You can buy me dinner if you want. But only if Derek doesn't" Meredith says simply, as if she's chosen who has just won the lottery.

And if there could have been a neon sign to say to Addison "pick me, choose me, love me, because I've clearly made up my mind about who's my prey after this divorce goes through", then that would have been it.

But Addison is so distracted by her win that she furiously texts Derek the order and says to pick pay upon arrival because she wants to get the air miles.

And he agrees because he's a bit tipsy to input a card number.

And Meredith and Addison are then heading to Meredith's place to pick up the cake before they go.

Meredith insists on showing Addison around the house, calling the girls before they go in because "they could be covered in...flower" she says carefully as Addison chuckles knowingly.

"WE'RE HOME!" Meredith announces loudly as she opens the door for Addison and walks into the house.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Addison stubs her toe on the doormat walking in as Meredith absently retells the story Addison already knows about her finding her key back that way and vows she should replace the damn doormat. Once she steadies Addison back to her feet again (and they hold a longing embrace...for about ten seconds as Meredith tries to get her heart rate down from holding Addison so close…) Meredith pulls out the two sets of keys and finds her house key easily, swiping the "M" with her thumb and index finger as she turns the tumbler to the door.

The house looks exactly as Addison remembers it, down to the coat rack that is currently unoccupied, the post-its lining the walls (for Meredith's mother, Meredith explains to her), to the potted plant that is STILL not straight at all that's on the counter where Addison remembers leaving it after replanting it that night. She swears she tried to straighten the roots but might have made them go all kinky on her instead, she sighs.

Addison is standing in the kitchen as Meredith is offering a glass of water. Addison says "sure" as she's remembering taking one of those glasses out and filling it with water next to the aspirin bottle that she still spies is in the same place it had been the other day. Addison shoots a quick, longing, look up the stairwell as she remembers carrying Meredith practically to her bedroom that night. And she inhales the intoxicating scent of Cherry and Vanilla from the cake that's been baked.

"Don't touch the cake" Meredith insists. "Izzie will kill us both, or Cristina will. I think Cristina would be more likely to stab another girl in the chest though. You know, not that she would but of all of us. She'd probably want to scrub in on the heart repair too and call it 'cool' she laughs.

"I won't touch the cake. Don't want to risk being at Cristina Yang's bedside, ever" Addison laughs at her own inner comment to herself. _(Addison vividly remembers yelling at Cristina that she was 'not at her bedside and probably won't ever be.)_

"Who's the WE?" Izzie yells from her room as she tries to throw the correct jacket on for Cristina to wear. They fulfilled their plan, they are not naked at all but they are down to thin tank tops and slightly wrinkled pants right now and they're trying to get it together, fast.

"We're going to be LATE!" Meredith calls to them in a singsong voice without bothering to answer.

"Do you have everything you need for going out tonight?" Cristina yells at Meredith from upstairs.

"SHOOT! I don't, can you pick out something for me to wear?" Meredith shouts at either of them.

"Ah, kinda busy with my own… clothing" Cristina yells down to Meredith as she tries to do up her shirt buttons. (The missing ones were _definitely_ going to be later found in the vacuum later. Meredith is going to want to kill her! Cristina thinks to herself.)

"Alright fine," Meredith says in a huff.

"Addison can you?" Meredith asks her nonchalantly as she puts the cake into the cake-carrier and unpacks the rest of the toppings into a Tupperware.

"Huh?" Addison zones in again.

"Pick me out something to wear to Joe's tonight!" Meredith insists to Addison.

_(Was she testing her to see if she already knew where her room was in her house? Addison was freaking out.)_

"First door above the stairs. The others will probably have opened doors anyways. Don't look into Izzie's room. I don't know if Cristina and she have clothes on. And whatever set is fine as long as it's a dress" Meredith delivers specific instructions.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

"COME ON ADDISON I _DROVE_ FOR YOU!" Meredith finally exclaims to her in a huff.

"Oh, on it" Addison tries not to have her heart pound out of her chest as she walks up these stairs for the second time in her life.

She makes her way to Meredith's room, experiencing anxious waves of Deja Vu.

Cristina and Izzie appear at the doorway, closing their door behind them, trying to fix up their hair as they stare a bit open-mouthed at Addison even though from Meredith's yelling they know that she has been here.

"Hey, I'm Meredith asked me to pick her out, is this her room?" Addison purposely points to the wrong one.

"First door above the stairs" Izzie tries to be helpful and adds "thanks Doctor Montgomery" in a way she might, had Addison just handed her a work chart.

"She looks good in Red" Cristina smirks widely at her, winking as she looks at Addison pointing to George's room while actively eyeing Meredith's before Izzie actually 'confirmed it'.

Addison still hasn't lost the battle completely though, because she catches Cristina's collar before she goes to walk down the stairs before saying to Izzie "You both have the wrong white coats on" with a chuckle as the look down and blush simultaneously.

Cristina rolls her eyes at Addison with a glare as Izzie giggles, horrified at her bosses 'discovery' of their antics.

But as Addison whispers in to 'tell Cristina this as well', Cristina pulls Addison into a whisper to tell _her_ that "the dresses are in the chest of drawers on the left. I know you didn't know that because she didn't get undressed that night" and then Cristina releases her again expressing another grateful look at Addison.

"Thank You" Addison mouths at Cristina as Cristina's mouths the same at Addison back.

"Let's GO, Cristina, you have our bag of clothes, right?" Izzie turns, luckily after Cristina is finished being so close to Addison for actual 'business' reasons.

"On the way" Cristina yells down at Izzie, not wanting to call her by a pet name even in front of Addison and Meredith.

Addison smiles as they run off to help Meredith pack up the bags with the cake and the card and the extra treats that Izzie baked.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

_(As Addison thinks to herself...)_

_(As if someone wouldn't want cherry and vanilla cream cake…)_

_(Addison's mouth is watering at the thought.)_

_(Actually Addison's mouth is watering at the thought of what cherry and vanilla stand for in that mind of hers… mmm…)_

_('Addison if you're going to moan about imaginary cake at least you're not in Meredith's room yet because that would just be all kinds of kinky and wrong' half of Addison's subconscious admonishes the other half.)_

_('What was I doing?' asks Addison.)_

_(Looking through Meredith's clothes preferably in a non-creepy way as you subtly try to picture Meredith undressing between each of the outfits and dressing up in another as you try to pick the sexiest one…)_

_('Right. You don't have all day for that so get it together, Montgomery' says her subconscious.)_

_('I'm GOING! Stop nagging!' Addison sighs at her own brain again.)_

Finally, Addison opens Meredith's drawers one by one to examine all her clothing... Addison does have a thing for fashion!

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Alex and George have no idea what time it is but they are enjoying making out in the backseat.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Cristina teases Meredith for having her platonic girlfriend around to pick out her evening wardrobe.

"I mean for what it's worth, Addison is stylish as heck!" Cristina says unabashedly as Izzie pokes her in the ribs in return.

"She really does dress the best of all the doctors. I mean she's the only woman Attending so I get THAT but still, the way all her clothes flatter her figure it's just such an aspiration" Izzie gushes as Cristina pokes her right back in return.

"Aren't YOU the model?" Cristina jokes at her and Izzie says "I am" to her a bit dreamily.

And Meredith is off in her own little world, imagining what Addison's dresser would look like with all her beautiful clothes and jewelry and makeup.

She imagines it's pristine and that she'd even be the type of person to always use coasters and coat racks and such things that Meredith always finds to be such a hassle.

Meredith is lost in thought so she doesn't even think to negate Cristina's comments while she's thinking about what Addison could be picking out for her. How would she choose? Would her clothes smell like Addison because her hands had been over them? Would her room smell like brown sugar tonight?

_(Meredith really hoped it would…)_

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Preston Burke and Richard Webber hang out in Richard's office while the decide what to get John the patient and have absolutely no idea.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Bailey checks in on John the patient who offers her some sage advice about her marriage.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Derek Cristopher Shepherd unknowingly to himself, semi-drunk dials his childhood best friend, man-crush & confidant, Mark Sloan.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Addison finally selects a form-fitted blue dress for Meredith that she thinks will match her eyes. She matches it with a star-shaped necklace from Meredith's jewelry box and a pair of low kitten heels she finds one at a time on top of Meredith's floor.

She bites her lip as she opens the very last drawer and picks out socks for Meredith in case her feet get cold, pajamas and clothes for tomorrow in case they all get paged into work overnight (Addison knows from experience this has happened to her before as an intern, so she's offering this tinge of experience for Meredith to learn from if she hasn't already.)

And finally, she realizes she does have to pick out panties and a bra for Meredith. She stares at the selection as she tries to get her raging libido under control. This is not what she should be doing while planning a surprise party for a patient and while waiting on her impending divorce. Addison had been a cheater but she did not want to be a permanent adulterous whore.

And she didn't want Meredith a dirty mistress anymore. She wanted better than that for her, Addison truly did. And she wanted to tell her everything the moment those papers were mailed in, she swore to herself then that she would. And Addison's heart is beating right out of her chest now as she picks a nude bra with lace over it and a pair of black lace panties for her outfit for the night.

She throws in a few extra pairs just in case (for the hospital though, not for evening wear) and she packs it all in a backpack that she's found somewhere by Meredith's desk. She realizes she looks like she's planning to kidnap the intern as she packs her toothbrush and toothpaste just in case as well. And finally, Addison throws in a Dartmouth hoodie and a raincoat and tights should she get cold.

And when Addison is finally satisfied with her planning and she's finally certain she has all the pieces together, Addison can't help but smile at her careful and delicate work. All the clothes were perfectly folded and packed in an ergonomic way. And she takes three more longing looks before heading downstairs.

One to Meredith's mirror where she sees it matches the picture of Meredith that Cristina had once sent her. She imagines herself in that picture, holding Meredith over her shoulder. Two to Meredith's pictures up on the walls, especially the ones where she is happy. And despite herself at Meredith's bed. Where Addison can't contain her flashbacks of tucking Meredith under those same covers not so long ago.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

One might think that Addison is currently thinking about Meredith's bed in a dirty way, but she truly isn't.

All she's thinking is that she'd like to tuck her in again at night and brush the wisp of hair off of her face.

Addison thinks then that she'd really like to be the last person to say 'goodnight' to Meredith.

And to be there when she's later awake in the morning.

Curled up against her arms just like that perfect day they once had shared together had been.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Addison Montgomery is happy. Because Meredith Grey is waiting for _her_ just downstairs.

And because she thinks the blue dress will make Meredith's eyes sparkle perfectly like the Seattle rain.

The rain which Addison had once hated more than anything, but has since grown to love more than anything.

* * *

*****

*****

*****

*****

*****

******* END OF CHAPTER 26**

* * *

_Author's Notes, Part 2:_

Thanks all, this chapter was supposed to be shorter but then became its own fluff-fest. Apologies for the delay but I thought you might prefer 8000 words today rather than wait for slightly more than that tomorrow.

But I really enjoyed it and I hope you do too!

* * *

Here are the 5 questions I have for you today (but feel free to think of your own for the comments!)

What are your favorite parts of this chapter?

What do you think Meredith and Addison's gift for John will be?

(If you get it SPOT ON, I will gift you a MerAdd one shot in your honor, and you get to pick the prompt!

(For the offer to be valid you have to guess before the next chapter is posted. You have likely 20 hours from the post time of this chapter so get going with those guesses!)

(So happy guessing, readers, can't wait to hear your thoughts... but I bet I have something planned that you never expected!)

** This contest is still without a winner from last time, I delayed the posting of the reveal of what the gift is so people would have a chance to vote. No penalty if you're wrong but a prize if you are right!***

How do you think the divorce will go, and how will it change Addison and Meredith's budding flirtation?

How do you think Meredith will eventually find out the truth about this 'mystery person'? (She will. I will tell you I will not END the story without her knowing. But I won't tell you WHEN it will happen. But she will.)

How do you think this will affect the chances for Mer/Add? How will it change them?

* * *

Enjoy the next approximately max 36-48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

PS: THANK-YOU folks all SO MUCH for the raving reviews of this piece. Every kudos/like/star. Every time this story is followed or favorit-ed or bookmark-ed or subscribed to this story. Every COMMENT - I live for your comments and waking up to them every day is my favorite. I'd LOVE some feedback on this work as we know it. It's not the end of the world though, even if you can't, I understand. :D

Love, bobbiejelly

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello folks,
> 
> This is the only work updated for me today,  
> But yesterday there was a new M-Rated chapter of  
> "Elevator to Heaven",  
> 2 new chapters of "Seeking Something Special in Switzerland"  
> and a new Arizona/Carina work called "Bang, Pop, Pop."
> 
> PLUS,
> 
> All of my works for the Grey's universe were back-uploaded to Wattpad.  
> Which took almost all day yesterday, and for friends her and on fanfiction,  
> As I back-updated all the works were edited for formatting and typos.  
> Therefore it was more subtle but still productive.  
> Thanks for following along ! Let me know your thoughts in the COMMENTS <3


	27. Break On Through, Part Fourteen: Unfunny Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Addison are led into the conference by Richard Webber and Bailey.
> 
> Bailey promises that they can postpone the surprise party until a bit later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all,  
> Here's another chapter.  
> Loving the reviews today.  
> Additionally, today there has been a new story from me.  
> It's called "Cookies & Quickies"  
> It's about Meredith/Teddy as friends having fun while they are both single.  
> Eventually, it will be MerAdd/Teddina.  
> Check it out if you want :D
> 
> EDITED ON APRIL 28, 2020, AFTER THE ORIGINAL POSTING.

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by me, bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Chapter 27: Break On Through, Part 14: Unfunny Valentine**

* * *

"Thanks, Addison" Meredith doesn't even look up at the woman who has just come down the stairs again with Meredith's backpack over one of her shoulders.

"I can carry it, you know. So you won't have to look not-stylish or something" Meredith smirks at her.

"Hey, what if I like it?" Addison quirks at her.

"That bag is from high school. I'm no fashionista but even I know that green doesn't go well with red" Meredith laughs at her, offering her hand out for Addison to give her her bag.

"You're not going to ask what's inside of it?" Addison asks her in surprise.

"Nah, I trust you," Meredith says offhandedly. "You have better taste than I know" she shrugs and looks down now.

"Why thank-you, Grey. New York does teach one something" Addison quips at her back.

"I think YOU teach NEW YORK something, about fashion, for what it's worth" Meredith offers boldly, letting it sink in before sliding her backpack right off of Addison's shoulder.

As she does this, Meredith inevitably grazes Addison's arm and shoulders and Addison tries hard to contain a groan.

"Don't look at all, then" Addison whispers into Meredith's ear once she's standing so close.

"It'll be a surprise for us both" she offers seductively, forgetting herself at the moment.

"But don't you know what you packed anyhow?" Meredith turns, facing Addison in a second.

"But I haven't seen it on _you_ " Addison clarifies.

And the realization hits Meredith like a tonne of bricks over her head.

"Oh" Meredith's mouth forms into a perfect "o" shape and Addison can't help but imagine making Meredith's face look that way for a whole other reason.

"And I can't wait to find out" Addison starts to lean in to bite Meredith's ear on the tip, before Cristina and Izzie burst into the kitchen, squealing "WE ALMOST FORGOT THE CHERRY VANILLA CAAAAAAAAKE"

And Addison jumps back instinctively, leaving Meredith with a rush of hot air on the side of her neck.

Meredith reaches up to soothe the sensitive spot with her hand. And she's flushing openly now and it's making Addison look hell of proud.

So far it has been Meredith doing all the flirting. But something stirred in Addison as she was in Meredith's room.

She knows it should feel wrong, to start hitting on Meredith now.

But she's just so damn CLOSE to her divorce now that she doesn't want to lose a second.

_(God, she really IS destined to be a dirty and filthy whore.)_

_(She really needs to get a grip if she wants to stop being the go-to-for-adultery.)_

_(Careful, at that moment if Izzie and Meredith had not just walked in you might have let Grey just jump you on this very table.)_

* * *

"Watch the plant!" Meredith gasps as Addison almost makes Meredith knock it over for the second time in its short life.

"That thing looks like it needs to be fed, poor thing" Addison tends to it a bit with her fingertips.

"Yeah, it's been all kinky and queer since the night I blacked out" Meredith shrugs at Addison without a hint of anything suspicious.

"I was going to feed it earlier," Meredith continues. "But the plant food I ended up buying was incompatible with this species so I'll have to feed it later" Meredith sighs to her.

_(She doesn't say that I would have checked that in the store had I not been distracted by YOU, pretending to be my girlfriend and holding my hand and making me melt to the floor…)_

"Mm, if we have time maybe we can pick up some plant food on the way to pick up Thai" Addison shrugs nonchalantly.

_(As if Addison is not scheming more ways she can get Grey's attention only for herself…)_

"That's a nice idea" Meredith agrees, both to spend more time with Addison but also because she knows Addison will need some comfort after her divorce.

"HEY, LOVEBIRDS WE STILL NEED TO GET GIFTS FOR THE PATIENT!" Cristina yells at them both, loudly, after picking up the cake carrier and handing Izzie the other sweets.

"You get the rest!" Cristina yells back at her, picking up her coat and Izzies from the back of a chair.

"MEREDITH WHERE IS YOUR CAR!" Izzie yells at her from the front entrance.

"Oh, right, we're taking Addison's," Meredith says a bit sheepishly.

Izzie and Cristina exchange what can only be defined as a "meaningful look" as Izzie suggests to Cristina that "they would be SO cute together" And Cristina nods and tries not to roll her eyes thinking "finally".

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Meredith runs over with Addison's keys now, Addison laughing at her when she forgets to lock the front door behind her.

"Toss them to me, Grey" Addison offers as she's standing closer.

"Here" Meredith does.

And as Addison locks the door to this house for the second time with Meredith Grey's embossed key, this time as it is still on Meredith Grey's keychain but which, is intimately connected to hers, she can't help but feel a shiver of… something as she shakes off the memory of doing this in the dead of night on a rainy evening.

Only then, she was heading off to be alone.

And now, she's heading off with others, to be with them, together.

* * *

"Do you still want me to?" Meredith questions her as there's no reason Addison doesn't know how to get to the hospital.

"You're already in the driver's seat, Meredith, you can lead on the way" Addison climbs into the passenger's seat right beside her.

"Okay Addison," Meredith says as she keys in the ignition.

"Everybody buckled?" Meredith quirks before pulling out of the driveway as everyone nods in assent.

"WE'RE ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELLLLLLLL" everyone cheers along with the radio all the way there.

And all Meredith and Addison are both simultaneously thinking is that there is nothing that can better describe their little cat-and-the-mouse-game; that they've been chasing each other around with, all day.

As Cristina and Izzie start feeling each other up in the backseat, Meredith yells at them teasingly to "stop dry humping up against the seats already" and Addison laughs and she laughs which is hilarious, given that it's _her car_ and that she's _their boss_.

But because Addison is the 'COOLEST', in the interns' eyes at the very least, Addison lets it go on a bit as the drive is so short. And some parts of Meredith and Addison are only jealous, in a way, wishing that they could be doing the same with each other, instead.

* * *

The first stop on their trip is at Best Buy because Addison wants to buy... Blank CD's?

She's staring a little confusedly at them and Addison feels old when she feels like she has to explain them.

"It's like an MP3 player but bigger and rounder and you have to change out the discs…" Addison trails off a bit as Meredith skims over her fingertips.

"Just kidding, Addison," Meredith says to her in a tease.

"I used to love to play CD's and DVD's growing up. We all get together and even watch VHS tapes of surgeries sometimes" she quips back.

Cristina and Izzie want to get him a vibrator, so they have to go to the sex shop next because as it turns out, they don't sell them in "electronics".

(But it was totally worth it to see the man's face when Izzie asked that at the counter!)

When in the sex store, Izzie and Cristina not-so-subtly pick out some fun things to use with _each other_ as well.

All the while Addison and Meredith try not to stare too longingly at anything in particular.

* * *

Once they finally arrive at the hospital, Izzie and Cristina run off to find wrapping paper for their gift.

Meanwhile, Addison invites Meredith into her office so they can finish their present up for John.

"I'm going to draw a picture on the cover," Meredith says.

"Okay," Addison says until she sees Meredith's eyes looking at her expectantly.

"Art stuff is in the second drawer on the left," she says simply, surprising Meredith with some actual fine art pencils.

"Should YOU be drawing the Mona Lisa here?" Meredith asks her really seriously.

"I think you'll do a fine job" Addison promises Meredith to add to her confidence.

"Do you want me to burn the music onto it from my laptop?" Meredith asks her.

"Please, oh could you? Plus I need to go check on some labs. I'll be back to put the finishing touches on it" Addison says in a hurry.

"MKay" Meredith says in agreeance, as she starts to draw out a rainbow.

"See you soon," Addison says to her, not wanting to use Meredith's first name inside the hospital but not wanting NOT to use it, either.

_(Had Meredith snooped in-depth at Addison's office, she might have noticed any clues that might have led her to a big reveal. But she doesn't snoop, as she trusted Addison not to snoop too much in her bedroom. And instead, she concentrates on spelling out John's names with bubble letters on the CD cover.)_

* * *

"Does Santa's hat go HERE, you think?" Alex is dressing up a common room with George for their party with the decorations.

"Yeah and add in the Mardi Gras stuff, too" George smiles up at him.

Until this point, the two of them have mostly been in just a sexual relationship.

But something had shifted after George had brought Alex back home to his family.

Alex seemed like he was softening and George seems to really like that.

It's like he finally seemed like someone who might cook a barbecue or something.

* * *

Though Addison does check-in with the psychiatrist to ask him about John the patient's labs and about his admittance to the psych ward, Addison is really in search of both Bailey and Derek.

She wants to check in with them to see how they are doing. And she doesn't need Meredith there for those conversations.

She finds Derek first, sitting in his office, alone.

He's been sipping the same two glasses of scotch the whole day.

And Addison takes the bottle away from him, takes a swig for herself before capping it.

Then she asks him 'when can the lawyers get here? Because you were too plastered the first time and I'm not giving up this again.'

Addison isn't asking in a menacing way. It's like she's trying to put Derek right out of his misery.

She's being merciful, knowing that this is going to be painful, no matter what.

They had been friends for 11 years, and that hasn't changed just because they didn't work out as a couple.

Derek dials the number for the lawyers on his phone as Addison asks Richard for the conference room as fast as they can get it.

Then she takes Derek's scotch away from him as he sort of winces in protest.

But she says that it's for his own good, saying she doesn't want him to be an alcoholic after her.

That she knows that she's not even worth that to him, and she hasn't been in a very, very long time.

And Derek lets out a single tear at Addison's parting words.

But he doesn't deny them because he knows that it's true.

* * *

Derek and Addison are led into the conference by Richard Webber and Bailey.

Bailey promises that they can postpone the surprise party until a bit later.

She assures that would have happened anyhow 'at the rate that these interns try to decorate with their streamers and tape and glue' with a laugh.

And as Addison meets Bailey's eye they both nod to each other, acknowledging the mutual favors for each other today.

As Richard lets them have their privacy with the lawyers, he motions to Burke to come to join him for a moment.

And he says that he's glad he didn't have to see anything like that happen between Burke and Cristina. He says that if their relationship couldn't withstand what it did, that it was better for both of them that it ended before the divorce, or worse.

When Burke asks Richard what could have been worse than that even, he chuckles and says sarcastically 'one of you could have abandoned the other at the wedding day altar.' And they both laugh at the absurdity of the statement as they walk away from it all.

Meredith walks past all of them, vaguely looking for Addison to show her the CD cover she'd made.

Bailey points to the room now. She says to her "it's happening, Grey" softly. Bailey puts a hand on Meredith's shoulder in a comforting gesture.

Bailey has an idea after today especially that Meredith is more stoked up on "Ms. McDreamy" than her male counterpart. But she doesn't ask or say anything to Meredith.

She just stands there stroking Meredith's shoulder for a second before she tells Meredith to go help Izzie and Cristina to set up the snacks, and then to help George and Alex to set up the decorations.

Meredith nods at her, running off to find her friends.

As she does, Meredith smiles as she feels the extra weight of Addison's car keys jangling loud in her pocket, against her own set.

* * *

"Derek says that neither of you brought assets into the marriage," the lawyer said to them in the conference room.

"Well I have my trust fund, and my sparkling personality, and the futon couch," Addison says a bit cheekily.

"Yes, Addison had a very heavy, very ugly futon couch'" Derek speaks to the lawyer instead of directly to Addison.

"What, ever happened to that couch?" Addison questions Derek genuinely.

"We gave it to _Mark_. She can have him" Derek offers to her.

It's funny because usually after a few drinks Derek goes on and on about Mark.

But Addison realizes that this time, unlike the last times, that once this is over, that Mark can finally become a real option for Derek.

And that probably scares the living hell out of him.

"I don't want him," Addison says confidently despite the short cough.

And she says it in such a piercing and menacing tone then she forces Derek to accept in her deal.

"Okay, well that's settled. What else?" Derek says to her, and Addison tries not to 'gloat' about her personal and compassionate victory of handing 'custody of friendship' of Mark over from herself to Derek.

"So, aside from Addison's trust fund, which remains in her name, " the lawyer begins.

"We'll split everything; stocks, bonds, 401k's down the middle," the lawyer says as he hands out the drafts to them.

"The only thing that gets complicated is the real estate" the lawyer offers at them.

"Let me make this simple; I want to keep my trailer and my land in Seattle. Addison can have all the rest" Derek says as if he's far, far, away right now.

"Hold on-" Addison says, cutting Derek off a bit.

"That is the house in the Hamptons and the Brownstone overlooking Central Park" the lawyer explains to them as if they didn't know what they owned together.

"Hold on-" Addison insists to them.

"You're up to something. I came here to fight over CD's and books; go to war over a crystal vase. What are you up to, Derek?" Addison pleads with her eyes.

"The divorce is my fault. Let me take responsibility." Derek says in a hollow way.

The same hollow way he had looked when he'd walked in on Addison napping with Meredith.

The same hollow way he had looked when he'd walked in on Addison having sex with Mark.

The same hollow way he had looked when Mark Sloan had walked away from him, after they'd slept together, and Derek woke up digging his palms red with his fingernails.

"We both had affairs" Addison offers in total honesty.

"You had a one-night-stand with _Mark_ " Derek doesn't meet her eyes when he says his name.

"Derek, actually, well, it was…" Addison had never elaborated on the fact that she and Mark had kept seeing each other for a while after he'd left for Seattle.

"Okay, it was two nights" Derek referred to the night of three of them, confusing that for the truth.

"You made a mistake. Meredith and I, we had a _relationship_ " Derek says to her.

She knows in her heart he's more trying to assert his 'straightness' in front of the lawyer.

But Addison still flinches at the thought of her Derek defiling the beautiful intern.

"Make these changes and I'll sign them today" Derek hands back the papers to the lawyer who notes down the changes in black ink.

* * *

While waiting for the papers to come back to the room, Addison and Derek pace around each other nervously.

Addison eventually starts sharing with Derek because she wants to make him speak for himself.

"I do have some things to tell you, Derek. And I know they might hurt you but I still have to tell you" she says softly to him.

"Let me start then, so after you say your stuff we can go" he begs of her and she agrees.

"When I came here and saw her, Meredith Grey I mean though I didn't know her name until the morning... I thought she was the Anti-Addison." Derek begins.

"She was everything you weren't. She was naive, she was an intern, she would giggle at the easiest of things" Derek says.

"She didn't push back on me, she caught a really cool case on her first day as an intern, alongside Cristina" he adds to that.

"We had a few kisses here and there in the elevators. We didn't actually do it that much in the hospital. Not as much as I implied like before" he says up to her.

"Thanks." Addison says, not wanting to say to him "I needed to know that."

"We were married on the fourteenth of July. Not exactly a Valentine's day." Addison sighs to him.

"But still, it was an exact date of Valentine's day. So our wedding was OUR Valentine's day. And now this is the fourteenth of December. And it's now our ANTI-Valentine's day." Addison sighs to him.

"It's like that song, 'funny valentine' only the inverse. Like 'unfunny valentine' Derek says to her sadly.

"Our DIVORCE ANNIVERSARY. Now, how morbid is THAT, Derek" Addison sighs.

"Ok, so I'm just going to start telling you things and you can start telling me things when you want," Derek says to her, now impatient.

Derek reveals that he confessed to Meredith what both she and Addison were like in bed after they had had the exchange when he found them napping together.

* * *

"DEREK, YOU DIDN'T" Addison said with rage.

"She asks about it, Meredith asked as a way to get me to realize you two never slept together. I think she was trying to do you a solid" he says to her honestly.

"What did you say, even?" Addison quirks with an interest.

"Well, I guess I compared you a bit. I told her she didn't have your bite marks anywhere and that you didn't have your hair all messed up. So that's how I figured you didn't have sex then" he says a bit lamely.

"YOU TOLD MEREDITH GREY THAT I BITE, DEREK!?" Addison is yelling at him a bit now.

"Well to be fair, I don't think she thinks that that doesn't ever happen" Derek doesn't catch any deeper meaning for Addison to be all concerned.

"Did you say that I was good? That SHE was good. WAS SHE GOOD?" Addison eventually yells at him.

"Umm, she was." Derek answers without elaboration.

"That's IT. That's all that I get?" Addison wants to punch him out now.

"Usually the ex-wives don't want to the details about fucking the mistress," Derek says to her crassly.

"Look, you were still good at Sex, Addison. I'm not saying you were terrible in comparison" Derek misses her mark all over again.

_(As Addison ALMOST wishes he'd said Grey was better than her so that she'd be able to imagine that all for herself…)_

"Look I don't remember it all. If you want to know you can ask Meredith for yourself" he just says.

And Addison thinks to herself she really doesn't want to ask Meredith Grey what DEREK told her about Meredith's own skills in the bedroom.

That would be really not sexy.

_(Wow, you really ARE going gay, aren't you Addie, her subconscious recounts to her.)_

"Was I good?" Derek asks her in 3 words.

"Umm," Addison doesn't know how to answer him.

"Well, you and Mark were different" Addison answers that question for him because she knows he'll never answer.

"He was rougher around the edges. He went down on me once, but I never finished from that before he moved on for himself. He also fingered me once. But I never came from that either. You were more gentle I guess. And I guess, all in all, it felt mostly the same..." Addison says to him flatly.

_(Before all this the mere thought of Mark naked was enough to send Addison into a tailspin. And before even that she would lust over Derek. But none of it compared to the sensations she was feeling when Meredith even lightly brushed her own shoulder…)_

"Ok," Derek says to her, at a loss for words for her, finally, as well.

_(Derek had also been thinking in a way that he wished Addie had said Mark was better because he actually agreed with her. But he didn't want to hurt her feelings with that. And he didn't want to admit to remembering just yet.)_

* * *

"I also told Meredith how I told you, Addison after Grey's 'pick me, choose me, love me, speech' that night when you left me," Derek says hardly above even a whisper.

" YOU TOLD HER WHAT?" Addison panics now.

"You never told me where you went after that night?" Derek asks her.

"Meredith said that you'd had an early night. That it was quiet and nothing exciting happened. Did you go to a hotel or did you crash at the hospital?" Derek finally asked her.

It was asking in a way that Addison knew he knew nothing about all her secrets.

He just genuinely wanted to know she got home okay.

"I didn't sleep with anyone Derek. I haven't, with anyone, since New York" she explains.

"That must be hard for you," Derek says to her bluntly.

"Yeah," Addison finds herself confessing.

"Have you…?" Addison asks him softly.

"Not since Meredith," Derek says to her as Addison flinches again.

"Sorry," Derek says to her. And his apology is sincere and it hurts Addison that he's apologizing to her for all the wrong reasons.

"It's okay. I am sorry," Addison says to him. "I'm sorry for all of it" she finally says to him.

"Where did you go that night?" Derek asks her.

"I don't think that Meredith is lying," he says to her. "But I don't think she knows the whole truth," Derek says finally.

And the way that Derek is looking right into her eyes right now, Addison knows that maybe one day they could be just the best friends again.

* * *

"Derek, this is one of those things that once I tell you I can never take back," Addison offers.

"I can keep a secret you know," Derek says to Addison as she nods.

"I need something from you in return," Addison asks him.

"What would that even be?" Derek has no idea.

"Will you go down on me? Just this once, because you never, ever have. Even if I've gotten down on my knees for YOU and you never complained about it a little bit.

So I'm asking you for this, this time. Right here right now, I won't tell a soul. Just one for the road. Like breakup sex or some stupid thing they call it in movies," she explains to him.

"REALLY!?" Derek almost yelps at her.

"Do you want to know or not?" Addison asks him again.

"Ah, okay, I mean well, I think you're supposed to stand up, maybe,"

Derek says as if he's really not sure about that, himself.

Addison clicks the lock on the door and closes all of the windows.

She looks at Derek expectantly as she stands up against the wall.

She never closes her eyes for a second, even as Derek drops Addison's gaze.

And Derek gets on his knees right in front of her.

And fumbles as he tries to take her belt off her, now.

And he's shaking as he tries to work himself up to it.

And he gets to holding the waistband of her pants.

Before he lets go completely and collapses against her hip.

Like a child would do, and Derek starts to cry harder as he tells her he really just **_can't._**

* * *

And all Addison says to him is "Derek, I know. It's okay, really it's okay. You're okay" she offers.

Addison does her pants up again and fits her belt right.

Then she slides down onto the floor next to him and leans her head on his shoulder.

"I wasn't going to make you," Addison promises to him softly. " **I wasn't ever going to _let you_** " she begs him to understand her.

"I would have stopped you, you know. I would have stopped you the moment you reached under my pants or started to take them off"

_('Though Addison admits that for years, she has been more than slightly sexually unsatisfied…)_

_(Addison winces at her trail of thought. but doesn't say that part to Derek at all, out loud...)_

"Then why ask? If you were just going to stop me before I ever did that to you anyhow?" Derek says to her with tears streaming all down his face.

Addison flinches but decides to ignore the fact that Derek just said "did that to you" rather than "did that FOR you..."

"I needed you to say it, Derek. I needed you to say you couldn't. I needed you to say it to me" Addison begs of him.

I needed you to admit that it's just not something you wanted to do. 

And I don't think that you did it or even wanted to ever do it for Meredith, either.

_(Or anyone else with a vagina, ever for that matter" she DOESN'T to him, then though she thinks it.)_

As Addison sighs in relief as Derek nods up at her, confirming her theory, finally, with a sob.

And then, Addison nods at him silently in thanks to that.

For years, Addison has let Derek avoid his own pain.

She's watched him fall in and out of love with his best friend a million times.

She's watched him never come home, to never want to sleep with her, to withdraw completely.

She's watched how Mark is around him, how he seemed like he looked like he'd dive in all the way.

"Derek, I know that it's hard. I went through the same thing you know. Not too long ago" Addison says to him.

And that's the closest she's ever come to approaching that subject with him in well over a year.

* * *

But this time, unlike the last times, Derek doesn't push Addison away.

Perhaps it's because they're about to be over.

Perhaps it's because Addison has a secret to tell.

Perhaps it's because Addison came out of the closet first.

But either way, Derek doesn't deny it this time.

This time, unlike the other times, Derek says one thing to her, and one thing to her only.

_"The time we had a threesome with you me and Mark,_

_I remember every minute of it._

_I never forgot._

_And I wasn't very drunk._

_And neither was he._

_I made him swear not to tell anyone._

_And I was jealous after that night._

_I was jealous of you because you were with him._

_And I'm sorry"_

Derek's words hit her like soothing snowflakes on a snowy day.

They start to heal some of her pain, and they start to make her feel right again.

"You know, I always thought that you did," Addison says to him softly.

"I know," Derek says to her.

"Mark knew as well. That's why we didn't talk to you about it" Derek says to her sadly.

"It's different for girls," Derek says in reality.

"For you, you can be every girl AND guy's fantasy, practically" he asserts.

"People think that Lesbians are mythical and cool. I know _Mark_ will be jealous" Derek says to her in a huff.

And Addison smiles now because this is the first time that Derek has talked about reconnecting with Mark in so long.

* * *

"But for boys, I mean me and Mark are real men you know. We get called things that are buff and good hair. And we like it that way" Derek says.

"And Mark is such a player. I don't know if he could ever really love me back, ever" Derek says to her softly.

And Addison holds him now. She wraps her arms all around him.

Because she realizes on a deep parallel that THIS is what Derek's been drinking about all these nights.

That it's not about her, or her being inadequate.

It's not even about Meredith, and the thought brings her comfort.

It's about Derek and his very best friend.

And how he's more than a friend to him but much less than anything else.

And Derek was planning to live that way, watching Mark screw other people as he stayed by his side.

And Addison feels for him now. She just wants to take some of his pain away.

So she pulls out her cell phone and dials Mark's number.

She leaves him a voicemail, saying that they're splitting up and that he can pick up his bike from her sometime.

And Addison says that he should call Derek now.

And she says that in the divorce 'custody' that they'd already decided that Derek was his and that Addison could have Naomi and Sam and the others.

"We accept the love we think we deserve, Derek," Addison says to him the same way she had said to everyone else.

"You deserve someone to love you the way you love them" she adds with a nod.

* * *

And Derek thanked her profusely. And he cried a little.

And then he drank a whole lot, _of water_ which Addison fed all to him with an aspirin.

And Derek explains how he told Meredith about the night that she left him.

How he had said that Addison shoved those rings in her fingers.

How he had watched her pack up and look around for the last time.

How he had woken up with a note next to water and aspirin and "thanks for the memories".

And Addison's eyes go all wide when Derek says this, and when he says that she left her copy of the key under the doormat for him to find the next day.

And Addison asks what Meredith said to him after Derek had shared all of that.

And he just says that Meredith said "I'm sorry" as if she truly believed she had a big part in it.

And Addison is working up the courage to tell Derek the truth.

So she asks if they could each have one more shot of that single-malt-scotch.

And he nods and hands her his desk key, where Addison gets it out without having to ask where it was.

And she pours him a glass first and she saves a smaller one for herself.

She tells Derek that this is a secret, to Meredith and Mark especially, just like his secret still is and Derek nodded at her.

These secrets to each other, from each other, the truth after the lies.

These were their parting gifts, their very last to each other.

This was all that they could ever offer for now.

And with that, Addison finally begins.

* * *

Addison says to him he had a reason to wonder about what had happened that night.

She explains that she went to find Meredith at the bar.

Because she didn't want her to wonder where the hell Derek was.

She didn't want her to drink herself to death waiting for someone who was never coming.

She didn't want her to end up like who Addison had been; sitting alone in the dark, drunk and hurt off his scotch and wondering if he'd ever loved her.

She didn't want her to be left there with less than she deserved, from him.

So she headed to Joe's in a cab from her hotel room that night, dressed in her red and green scarf over her black dress and pearl necklace.

She went all the way there to tell her everything and the first thing that Meredith slurred to her was 'you are not Derek'.

She explains that they talked about him a bit, but then they talked about a lot of other things she doesn't elaborate on.

She explains that she helped her home and tucked her right into bed.

She explains she left a similar note, with the water and aspirin, 'thanks for the memories' the whole bit.

She explains that it had been sort of Joe's idea that she help her get home safe.

But that she wanted to anyhow, and so she took care of Meredith, and also her plant.

When Derek motions to ask about this Addison waves him away saying 'maybe another time.'

* * *

And Derek is relieved because of Addison saying that there might be an 'other time' for them to talk like this as friends.

And Addison says she never signed the note to Meredith, that it had been a mystery for her and she'd gone to great lengths to hide it.

And when Derek asks her why she never confessed to her, Addison says she has no idea.

And this time it's Derek to offer some wisdom.

"I think that it's the same for you and Meredith as you and Mark" he begins.

And Addison freezes, a panicked look in her eyes.

"I think you two are more than friends and you know it. But you're less than anything else because of me, here" Derek says to her wisely.

"And I think that now that's no longer going to be a problem for you, that you are keeping this secret because you're not sure if she could ever love you back after she knows you never told her the whole truth for so long," Derek says to her softly.

And this time Addison wants to cry but she doesn't. Instead, she just pulls Derek tightly and squeezes him for a second.

"You know, for what it's worth, you looked really cozy together," Derek says to her without malice this time.

"I remember when I and Mark woke up like that. And I just wanted him to hold me all night." Derek starts again.

"And I don't know if he ever will again, after the drama with you and if I ever come out of the closet," Derek says to her softly.

"I wish I could tell you, yes but I am not Mark," Addison says to him.

"I wish I could tell you, yes but I am not Meredith" Derek offers to her.

"You know, you can have her, I have Mark. You can have her in the divorce" Derek finally says to her.

And Addison is awestruck at this and she thanks him profusely.

And Derek says that hey, their marriage might not have worked out because they have too similar a taste in people which just doesn't happen to be in each other.

And Addison is on the floor laughing at the truth and absurdity that Derek has shed light on.

"You know, for what it's worth the dirty mistresses club might be winning some serious points soon" Addison jokes to him, instilling hope in him about Mark.

* * *

"I'm going to tell you this because I care about you both, and I loved you both once" Derek begins to Addison.

"Take your time, with Meredith, if you're ever destined to be more," Derek says.

"I know you probably just want to jump into bed with her. I wouldn't blame you for that" he says with a small chuckle.

"And you know, from the way she talks when she says your name, I think you might have a real shot with her" Derek says and it surprises the both of them that he's saying this.

"But I don't think you should be each other's McRebounds," Derek says to her wisely.

"You need time to heal, from me, partially, I know" Derek apologizes again.

"And it's like Bailey said to us, you're still her boss and she's an intern. And you're new to the girl's thing and you don't want to just fool around with her" Derek says to her genuinely.

"You know if all this had been different, in another life, in another way… I think I might have married that girl. We would have spent a lot of time together. I would have loved her enough, she would have loved me that much the same. We could have had children, maybe I would have built her a house. But I don't think that story ends well. I just don't think that it would" Derek says to her in a sigh. "And I think it would be my fault," Derek says to her softly.

"But you, you're something different for her. You make her light up in all-new ways. And I like to see the way she makes you smile more than you used to. I know that's the strangest thing to say. I'm still hurting a bit from it, but you had to watch me and Mark anyways…"

* * *

"You know I'm going to give you the exact opposite advice with Mark Sloan she says."

"If you want him, you better speak up, he won't wait. You want him to know that you're open to him. But also that you'll share him as your significant other, without being ashamed" she says.

"How is it possible that at least two intern couples are more stable than we all are," Addison says wistfully to the world.

"And they're all gay, too" Derek finally laughs.

"You need to tell Meredith. She doesn't trust people after I lied to her" Derek says to her.

"You know, someone else was telling me the exact same thing" Addison laughs.

"You need to tell Mark. He's probably close to being openly bisexual anyhow" Derek laughs at that.

"I think that Mark just likes the sex as it comes," Derek says to her.

"Yeah, I think that he does," Addison laughs with him now.

"You know, don't punch me out for saying this, but I'm just going to say it" Derek stumbles a bit.

"I've well, anyways you know. With Meredith and Yourself. And I guess from that I think I can tell you, you'd. You'd enjoy each other, umm, that's all," Derek fails to say eloquently.

But Addison catches and clings on to all of those words Derek just said to her.

* * *

And after all of the tears shed from this drunken conversation, the divorce lawyers finally come back for them.

They hand them the documents in silence as they write their names and switch over the papers.

And with that, the lawyers photocopy them and hand them each an original.

"You need to mail them in soon," the lawyers said solemnly.

"We will" they both say to them.

And with that, they were both free.

* * *

Before Derek goes to call Mark impulsively, Addison says to think a moment.

She advises him to go to talk to John the patient for advice.

And Derek says that he will, probably instead of going to Joe's tonight.

And Addison says ok then, and tells him that she and Meredith are still going to pick up the Thai tonight.

And Derek laughed and said he'd almost forgotten.

And then he tells her "you know, YOU should probably buy Meredith's" with a smirking sort of grin.

And she says she would have anyhow, but that she's glad for his blessing about it.

And as they walk out the door together, parting ways for the very last time as being "husband and wife" and "Doctors Shepherd's, plural" and being "Doctor and Doctor McDreamy's",

Addison squeezes Derek's hand in her palm, and she kisses his hand, saying goodbye to him like that for the very last time.

And he told her finally "thank-you" for all that I learned from you then.

And Addison smiles as she finally thanks Derek as well.

And with that, they knew that their lives as they knew it, would no longer be the same.

But that they were changed for good, then. For the better.

* * *

As Addison walks into her office, setting the blue folder of divorce paper copies onto her desk drawer, this time it's her turn to receive a mystery note.

Though it's not much of a mystery because she can tell when she opens it, who it is from and also why.

She unseals the envelope addressed to the name "Skippy Gold", and pops out a crumpled page from an old and used blue notebook pad.

It was a letter to her, then. Dating it from today. And Addison read it, as follows:

* * *

_Dear Skippy Gold,_

_Whatever happens today, or tomorrow, or whenever you tell her the truth; she's going to lose a piece of herself to you. And you can never give her those pieces of herself back to her. You can heal all her wounds, but it won't be the same. You're going to take a piece of your relationship away from her now, and all that you can do for her. The best thing you can do for her. The thing you might want to do for her; is to make sure she gets to keep as much of the everyone else that she possibly can._

_You know that's why YOU deserve her. For all that it's worth. Like I said before that I trust you with her. That you'll do right by her. For me. And for you. But mostly for her. You'll be there for her always. No matter what. Even if she doesn't ever love you in any way back._

_I'll miss the Mystery, also. I'll miss the chase and the surgeries. And I'll miss knowing more than anyone, also. But I won't miss the lying or the balancing act. And I won't miss the fear that I see in your eyes. Every time you think someone is close to figuring it out you go as pale as a ghost._

_And I really do care about you, Skippy. I care about you for all that you're worth. I think we'll be friends one day, once I'm older and hopefully wiser. You're still a great teacher in my mind. And I think of all you have done for the interns, for Bailey and Webber and Burke and even for Derek._

_I don't know if you'll keep this letter, the way I'm still holding yours. But if you do, then know that someday that this note and the one I have are someday for Meredith. For her to keep as her own. I know you'll never want to hurt her on purpose. But just let me tell you if she hurts you even by accident, then tries to make her feel less guilty for it because it will hurt her if you're ever falling apart._

_From your first lesbian kiss, but hopefully not your best or your last one._

* * *

And Addison wants to cry when she sees Cristina's note.

But she doesn't, instead, she pulls a pen out and writes her one back in return.

She slips it into her locker, in a plain envelope in case anyone sees. It reads as follows:

* * *

_Dear Writer,_

_Thank you so much for your heartfelt, kind message._

_Even if she never forgives me, I want her to have you. I don't want her to leave me for eighty percent and to take twenty percent of her relationship with you. I'd rather lose her a hundred so that she can have you as her person and friendship for all of the way. She's needed you so far. And you need her back. And if the only thing I can ever do for her now is to give you to her while I lose both of you completely, then that's what I'm choosing to do. To let her love you. Her twisted sister. To love her as the very best friend that you are to her. You're her person Cristina. And I never want that to change that. I would never want her to leave you for me. I'd leave her first if she ever felt that she had to decide. I can't decide who she loves or I love._

_But I think that. Well. You can think of the blanks in yourself. About me, I guess, from here, now._

_I'm glad you are happy with who you are with right now as are your friends._

_Thank-You for the Memories, dear 'mystery writer person'_

_And bizarrely thank you for kissing me on that day._

_You'll be a Cardio Goddess someday._

_Much love and take care,_

_Skippy Gold._

* * *

And as Addison checks her phone for calls and checks her pager for pages,

Addison wanders past Meredith's locker and runs a hand over it gently.

And finally, Addison wanders into John's room.

And barks at everyone yelling at her "DOCTOR BOSS IS HERE!"

And she thinks now she's legally divorced and she's happy.

She's going to have a great party, a great night and a great life.

And Addison thinks that she's just getting started.

* * *

*****

*****

*****

*****

*****

******* END OF CHAPTER 27**

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:
> 
> THANK-YOU folks all SO MUCH for the raving reviews of this piece. Every kudos/like/star. Every time this story is followed or favorit-ed or bookmark-ed or subscribed to this story. Every COMMENT - I live for your comments and waking up to them every day is my favorite. I'd LOVE some feedback on this work as we know it. It's not the end of the world though, even if you can't, I understand. :D
> 
> But I'd still love to know your feelings, your favorite moments, your funny quotes, the things you are surprised at. And also the things that you might wonder about, or be frustrated or feel another emotion by reading this one. It's a SLOOOOOOOW burn, I know. But we ARE getting there.
> 
> So what do you think will happen next? Let me know in the reviews, I ALWAYS write back to each and everyone if I can (I can't on fanfiction if you are a guest…). And I love the long and daily discussions picking the chapter apart. Fans have given me lots of plot ideas and have helped to plug some MAJOR plot holes (like JOE outing Addison). So if you find mistakes tell me and help I'll REALLY appreciate it.
> 
> Enjoy the next approximately 36-48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!


	28. Secret Admirer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The surprise party for John turns out to have an interesting twist...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is !
> 
> Reviews have been overflowing the past day.
> 
> THANK YOU.

_**PREVIOUSLY ON "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING":** _

* * *

"I know what I want to get for John the patient, but I need your help with it if you want to tag-team" Addison smiles sweetly to Meredith.

And once Meredith hears the idea she's jumping for joy and hugging Addison at just how perfect it will be.

* * *

_END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE._

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_I_ _n Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by me, bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Chapter 28: Secret Admirer**

* * *

"DOCTOR BOSS IS HERE!" John the patient exclaims alongside everyone else.

"Here I am" Addison smiles into the affection, and apologizes for barking at them, slightly after being surprised by the yelling.

"It's okay, not everyone likes surprises" Meredith smirks at her, and Addison has no idea why "But some people really _like_ surprises" she smirks again.

And Addison furrows and unfurrows her brow a bit at that one and sits down in the last remaining empty chair in the room.

_(The chair, which Meredith has tried to be as subtle as possible while saving that one for Addison, by her purse on it until Addison has walked in.)_

"So now the real party begins!" Bailey says to them all.

"You can thank the interns and Addison for all the hard work in the party planning," Bailey says to them all very generously. (As well as NOT calling Addison "Doctor Boss" because she was just too proud to ever say that about someone who was not HER.)

"When do we get CAKE!" Cristina insists. "I'm HUNGRY," she says in a whine, but her slight smirk sideways to Addison tells another story entirely.

"Yes, let's eat it now before the whip cream topping falls apart" Izzie exclaims.

Izzie leaves to go get the cake and the plates as the patient express how happy he is that he can finally have sweets again.

"You wouldn't _believe_ the cravings for sweets," John says innocently. But he is _also_ smirking a little at Addison and also Meredith and it's starting to make Addison feel overheated.

"Umm, I have to - water" Addison excuses herself abruptly, despite having just arrived at the party.

Addison makes it to the nearest scrub room, where she runs her hands under the coldest possible water.

"FUCK-" Addison actually says out loud.

She's turned on beyond reason at the mere mention of cherry and vanilla cake and it's really starting to get out of hand.

"FUCK!" Addison yells again into the darkness.

"Are you alright?" a familiar voice pops out from the doorframe to ask her.

* * *

_NO FREAKING WAY!_

_(How can she be everywhere and anywhere at once…)_

Meredith Grey appears out of the darkness, as she'd run out of the room after Addison to check on her.

It wasn't a terrible instinct, considering what the day has been for her.

But still, this instinct brought the blonde intern into close physical proximity of the redhead, which was the original cause of all this angst in the first place.

_(How the hell am I going to explain THIS one, Addison freaks out for a moment before collecting herself.)_

"Are you alright?" Meredith says to her tenderly.

_(God, her voice sounds so soothing, Addison thinks to herself.)_

"Ah, hot flashes," Addison explains dumbly.

"Oh, no, you're not having the-" Meredith cuts herself off before she says something she knows she'll regret.

"No, it's just hot flashes. _Period related hot-flashes, Grey"_ Addison answers both of Meredith's implicit questions with that one response.

At least they are both Doctors so it's not like Meredith is going to want to faint at the mention of blood.

"Oh. Sorry…" Meredith just says to her awkwardly.

"Do you want some cake? The sugar might make you feel better. That's what I usually need" Meredith says to her honestly.

_(As Addison stores this fact under 'things that might come in handy to know about Meredith Grey' in her brain.)_

"Ah, maybe a bit later I'm cramping," Addison says something half-logical to Meredith.

"Do you want me to give you a backrub? Here, sit," Meredith instructs her before she has a chance to back off from the obvious 'potential complications should such a procedure take an unexpected turn.'

"Ah-" Addison finds herself obeying Meredith's suggestion as she sits down on an O.R stool and allows Meredith to lay her hands on her back.

Her touch is so warm and welcome. Addison melts instantly under Meredith's fingers.

_(It's no wonder she became a surgeon, Addison thinks to herself. It's not because of her birthright, it's because of her talent because does this not feel absolutely extrasensory right now…)_

Meredith starts in broad circles as she soothes Addison's sore muscles and then applies both hands to massage the tight muscles of her neck.

"Where did you even learn this?" Addison says in more of a breathy tone than she'd planned originally.

"My mother, actually. She asked for this after her long nights. I just figured you've been operating all day, and you're not feeling well, so…" Meredith doesn't also say to her-

_(And all I've wanted to do since I saw you with my McEx in the conference room earlier today was to lay my hands on your body and to have you let me have my way with you…)_

Addison is fighting her damndest to contain any inappropriate noises she might involuntarily let out if she stops biting the inner skin of her cheek till it bleeds.

But the pain inside of her cheek right now alongside the sweet, sweet relief of all of her upper body muscles is only serving to turn Addison on even more.

* * *

_(This is kind of bad Addison. You promised Derek, you promised yourself you wouldn't let anything happen between you before Meredith knew the truth. You promised that you would go slow if anything is to happen with her, at all. You know it's the right thing to do…)_

_('But I thought we were over our self-denial phase with the whole being gay is an okay thing?' Half of Addison's brain asks the other.)_

_('Well, this is more self-restraint', if you're asking. It's like when you try not to jump someone's bones so you don't hurt them or let you hurt you back at your most vulnerable. You know. THAT-)_

_('But you should probably admit to yourself that this is the most wonderful and soothing thing you've ever felt, matched only by waking up in Meredith's arms that one time…')_

_('FINE I REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE IT, OKAY?! HAPPY NOW?!)_

_('Just checking we're all on the same page here…)_

Meredith is now digging in with her thumbs to the sore muscles in her back and it's heavenly.

Addison allows her eyes to slip shut so she can enjoy just the feeling.

Meredith switches to rubbing her fingertips in circles around her tight lats, and Addison thinks she should really invest in a professional sometime because how had she never thought of spending her insurance on this in her free time?

_(But you probably won't even do that, because Meredith Grey isn't a registered massage therapist, and if you saw one of those you'd just be imagining it was her instead and that wouldn't be helpful…)_

Meredith is vaguely humming a tune that Addison does not recognize (not the sweet song from the other night that Addison can't get out of her head, despite not knowing at all what it IS-)

And Addison is purring like a kitten as Meredith is running her hands up and down Addison's tight neck.

Just the palms of Meredith's hands is enough to loosen Addison's tension.

And also Addison _adores_ having her neck touched.

It's her kryptonite, and she knows it. All her past lovers have known it, or figured it out somehow.

Addison's neck is so sensitive that any desired contact with the area has her heat up in flames.

This being now included, meaning that as Addison feels Meredith massage the neck muscles right by the spine between her index fingers and thumbs, that Addison is realizing she's blushing.

And flushing. Even more than before. _(Thank goodness you told Meredith you had hot flashes because that seems to be ACTUALLY the case, now…)_

And as Meredith runs her fingers around so, so tenderly to rub the sides of her neck, Addison can feel herself getting aroused. Quickly. Very quickly.

And as Meredith allows her whole hands to spread out over Addison's neck, having her fingers even brush the tips of Addison's earlobes, Addison can feel herself getting sexually wet.

She can feel her pants tightening around her thighs. She can feel her panties are sticking more, She can feel her core clenching, and her pulse point racing and racing and racing.

"You do feel like you're getting hot" Meredith remarks offhandedly, in a concerned sort of way.

"Yeah," Addison says because she's not sure what else she could even say at this point.

* * *

"Are you starting to feel better?" she asks, invading Addison's personal space bubble almost completely.

Meredith is whispering into Addison's ear, hot breath on her neck the same way that Addison's fell onto Meredith's earlier in her kitchen.

"Ah, I am…," Addison says in a hush as Meredith smirks.

Addison can _feel_ Meredith smirking, despite her not having turned around at all, not having looked her in the face or the eye since she'd entered the scrub room.

It was the same way in which Meredith had recognized instinctively that Addison was not Derek on the first night that they'd met up in Joe's bar…

_(Not that Meredith knew that, of course. But Addison is making that absent comparison now…)_

And Addison is suddenly distracted by the fact that Meredith Grey is massaging her earlobes between her thumbs and her fingers.

And it feels so damn good-

_('Admit it, Addison. It feels downright EROTIC. You have a thing for your earlobes being handled and nibbled to the point where you tried the same thing on Derek one time, but he just ended up falling over in pain. Something about a woman's pain tolerance maybe…')_

Meredith is caressing her earlobes as well as the whole of her ears.

And if Addison was turned on before, then it's nothing compared to what is happening to her now.

* * *

Her panties are soaked through with her thick arousal, she thinks she should probably change to another pair of pants after this. Her tits are swollen two extra sizes and her nibbles are hard as a rock.

If she were to be fucked starting right here and now, there would be no resistance from her warmed-up and ready body at all.

Forget foreplay, apparently, all Addison needs is some 'friendly and platonic touches on the backs of her _earlobes_ ' for her to be all hot and wanting.

_(God she needs to get laid, Addison thinks to herself idly.)_

_(Yeah, well, are you going to come clean to her about all your dirty little secrets while her hands are literally on your shoulders rubbing the knots out of your upper arms or are you going to sit there like a happy kitten until she eventually decides she's or you've had enough of it all?)_

_(You're never going to get enough of this, are you?)_

_(Right. Of course. Because she's your new addiction. Those damn Cheetos were apparently just a 'gateway drug'. Because CLEARLY there's no recovering from this wild ride.)_

_(Drug addictions are a serious problem and they should not be used lightly in these types of metaphors.)_

_(Right. It was just an expression. Sorry.)_

_(So are you just going to come clean to her about everything you've done, right here, right now, while you're supposed to be at like, a party YOU organized. You know, for your PATIENT.)_

_(Mm, just five-ten- fifteen more minutes of heaven can we settle on that…?)_

_(Fine. You watch the clock, though.)_

_('FINE.' Addison's mind now concedes to herself. Just a few more sweet minutes...)_

Meredith has released Addison's earlobes now as she cups Addison's face from behind.

She rubs out Addison's temples with her thumbs still tickling the tips of Addison's ears.

She's rubbing the frown lines out of her forehead, and she's massaging Addison's scalp.

She moves back to Addison's neck now again, pinching the back of it between her whole hands, letting the knots and the trouble spots wash all away…

And Addison sits there in silence, loving every single second of Meredith's gentle touches.

She allows Meredith to massage under her hairline, where she finds a soft spot she likes a lot and gives it extra attention…

* * *

_(This time it's MEREDITH's turn to file that information into her thoughts of 'where she would be most likely to want to keep kissing Addison over and over and over if Addison would ever let her do that for her…)_

_(And Meredith is loving all of this, just as much, or even more so than Addison.)_

_(Meredith is much more a giver of touches. She likes to please others, even in a platonic way and that's what makes her, in turn, feel good. She doesn't think of herself as a hero for this. Or the receivers of her affections to be necessary 'takers'.)_

_(Meredith recognizes that she needs someone to receive her massages to be able to extend her own pleasure in giving them. So she has the opposite of malice towards any willing participant.)_

_(And she is especially pleased to be able to handle Addison's beautiful body in this way.)_

_(Meredith has held Addison in her arms all night long before. But she's never had this still technically platonic, albeit intimate moment of touch with Addison being awake for it, for so long, before…)_

_(The only other times she's held Addison were when Addison was literally falling, and Meredith had steadied her. Or when Addison had held her hand at the convenience store…)_

* * *

Meredith maps all of these accidental and/or purposeful touches in her mind as she continues to massage on Addison's scalp. She has another trick up her sleeve she's debating about using.

So she decides that she'll work up to it. First, Meredith plays with Addison's hair. She loves Addison's hair. She could run through it for hours and just watch it glow. Heck, she almost DID do that the other night in that storage closet.

She had fallen asleep fawning over Addison's luscious curls. And the effet her fingers had had then, were just about the same as now. Addison was finally relaxing, her pulse was soothing.

Meredith could feel Addison's pulse point in the back of her neck, and see that her heart rate was no longer speeding up. Addison was still flushed, yes. And full of adrenaline and need. But her heart was no longer beating out of her chest, rather her heartbeats were rising and falling quite peacefully, now.

And that's when Meredith decided to try, lightly, what she had a hunch she thinks Addison will enjoy. Meredith circles her palm with a wide hand around the back of Addison's head. She then very gently and slowly closes her first a bit - not all the way - but just enough to cause pressure to pressure points on Addison's skull.

The moan out was audible. She could tell Addison had been trying to hide it, but it was there, no matter how quietly. Meredith takes this as a signal that she will go on. So she continues around Addison's head with both hands, spreading her fingers wide and gently tightening her fingers so slightly, so that the loose pull on Addison's hair will cause a massage in itself.

And Addison adores this _so much_. Meredith can tell she likes it because Addison's moans are coming out of her now, less muffled now than before. Before she started with this, she could feel Addison's moans through her fingers through the vibrations in her body, but she could not actually hear them aloud.

But now, Meredith could hear every feeling she was giving to Addison now. She could feel her moans vibrate through to her bones. Meredith was being careful, so careful not to leave any marks on Addison's body. The last thing either of them needed was someone thinking they were giving each other hickeys when they weren't.

* * *

_(Because then people would be rude to Addison and they STILL wouldn't have actually had the pleasure of giving each other the hickeys…)_

_(Ooh, EASY TIGER. I KNOW that Addison's neck is RIGHT THERE, but that doesn't mean you can just lean in and kiss the hell out of it right here and now. She's been divorced for less than an HOUR and already you're thinking of actually pressing your lips right there…)_

_(But she's SINGLE and you are SINGLE and those reasons are no longer reasons and you bet you could make her near orgasm in pleasure without even taking her clothes off the way Addison is all worked up here right now…)_

_(That doesn't mean you should do it though, she's still your boss. You're her student. She likes you as a friend at least now. You've come this far as just friends and you don't want to lose her.)_

_(Plus if you start that you know that you won't want to stop. You will if she asks you too, you know about consent. And you are NOT a whore in THAT way. But if she keeps begging you to keep going, you know you won't stop.)_

_(You know even if you hypothetically do make her come with her clothes on that you'll still end up ripping those clothes off and making sweet, sweet, love to her all day and night…)_

_(God, the things you could do to her beautiful body. You would just like to trace every millimeter and file it under 'things that are magnificent'. You just want to soak in her skin and allow yourself to wander to the deepest depths of desire. You desire her…)_

* * *

_(But Meredith, you love her, you know. You do too. You do. You love her.)_

_(And perhaps it's not necessarily the 'in love, in love' kind of love yet, you note.)_

_(It's love, and for her, but you know you still have a ways to go you could fall for her deeper…)_

_(And you know that part of you wants to. Part of you desperately wants to fall stupidly in love with her.)_

_(But there's another part that is terrified. Terrified that now that she's single, that you/her are now a possibility to each other… What if she doesn't want you?)_

_(What if she doesn't want someone younger. What if she wants a 'real grown-up?')_

_(What if she wants someone who isn't a student. What if she wants someone smarter?)_

_(What if she wants someone with fewer mommy issues and daddy issues and 'mystery freaking people uprooting her life half the time...')_

_(What if she wants someone stylish, who uses coat racks and coasters!)_

_(What if she wants someone, MORE than you. Someone better. Someone more whole…)_

_(What if she wants someone else…)_

* * *

And with that thought, Meredith lets out a sigh.

And she keeps running her hands up and down Addison's back.

And she keeps running her fingers over every inch and every muscle.

And she keeps gently grazing all the pressure points of Addison.

_(As she's trying to memorize every moment, every second, every part of this experience. In case it's the only one she will ever have. In case Addison never lets her handle her body again...)_

And she continues even as the minutes' drag onwards…

And she would continue until the end of all time.

She really would have. But the moment eventually comes to an end.

Not an abrupt end, not a sad end. Not a bad end.

Just a natural end.

Like waking up from a really nice dream...

* * *

Addison hears Meredith sigh right into her shoulders and the sound brings her back to reality.

Addison glances up at the clock as she realizes she should be going, and that so should Grey.

Addison reluctantly lets out one sigh of her own, before she reaches her own right hand up to her shoulders.

She turns to Meredith now, facing her for the first time in this scrub room today.

She places her hand on Meredith's hands now, stopping their motion as she looks up again.

She meets Meredith in the eye and her eyes convey a very, very grateful smile.

She turns to her and says 'thank you,' because she knows that her voice will break into pieces if she tries to say anything more than that.

And Meredith understands. She understands Addison doesn't want to keep talking.

And even without any more talking, Meredith knows exactly what Addison is feeling, what she is needing, and what she is thinking.

_(It's a moment of connection that Meredith first had when she knew Addison's breath was going to catch at the bar that night. Right before she moved over her purse and she wordlessly offered for Addison to sit next to her. And Addison did. Not that Meredith really knows that now…)_

But Addison is sitting right next to Meredith now. And she's smiling. And Meredith is smiling back.

* * *

And so Meredith speaks because she knows that Addison's breath will catch if she tries.

And she says something unexpected. Unexpected to Addison, at least.

She tells her "I'm proud of you." And that's it. End of sentence. Just those three words.

And they are the exact perfect thing that Addison needed to hear today.

Even more than 'we accept the love we think we deserve' which she knows Derek didn't say back to her, even after she had said them to him herself.

Addison had needed the validation that what she did today; divorcing Derek; was something she could look back on with pride…

"Why?" Addison asks her though, as she wants to know what Meredith Grey could be thinking.

A terrified part of Addison wonders if Meredith will turn one-eighty and say that she wants to screw her ex-husband again.

But she doesn't. Of course. Meredith says to her 'you didn't go back to him. Good girl Addison…'

And Addison doesn't place it herself until she sees Meredith smirking at her.

"Oh." Is all Addison says before laughing, remembering saying those same words to Meredith her first day of working here at Seattle Grace Hospital?

At the time Addison had just been worried for Meredith.

She had no idea why at the time.

* * *

She knows those words could have come off as 'stay away from him you dirty McMistress'

But even at the time, Addison hadn't meant them that way.

Addison had genuinely wanted more for Meredith than someone who could never love her back in the way she deserved…

"Look at us, being friends. And you even seemed friendly with him later, too" Meredith says rather observantly.

"We were friends for years, married for over a decade but we were all friends once. And he was my best friend. And I think we want to get back to that someday. I want to try, at least…"

Addison is sharing that with her intern in a way she never would have imagined six months ago.

Six months ago, Addison was having an off-again-on-again affair/relationship with Mark and a breakup with Derek and a who-knows-what with her tailspin of bad choices.

But here she is now, developing healthy (friendship) relationships left and right, fulfilling her need for human connection. Starting over. For real. For the better…

Addison is making her way, and that means being more open and honest.

Even with interns, because if Addison is anything, Addison is always a hand-up for those who have less than she does.

One might think that might come from an element of pride, given her family fortunes.

But it isn't; it's more than that. Addison just _is_ compassionate.

And she's starting to discover for herself it's played if she isn't that, to everyone, all the time, to no end, to her expense; so she still has enough to offer to those she truly wants in her life.

And Addison does want to keep Meredith Grey in her life, in any way that she can that will work.

And as Addison is staring into Meredith's eyes right now, she sees her bright baby blues and she wants- for her to read into her soul and know everything.

She wants to confess her sins and wash them away with warm water.

She wants to cleanse herself, purge herself from all her pain.

And as Addison is just about to start speaking, Meredith reaches out and lays a hand on her shoulder.

She says to her 'it's okay.

We don't have to talk all serious about the divorce today.

Let's just be us for a while.

Without Derek, without our exes, without the heartbreak. Let's just be us. And we can go back in a minute.

Back into the party, I mean. We can go when you are ready - only when you are ready.

When you are ready, I will be here for you" Meredith says to her breathlessly.

_(And as Meredith says those words, then, to Addison she's thinking a whole other level of meaning...)_

* * *

And Addison swoons in her heart to be accepting this care, now, from Meredith Grey now.

And she tries, she _really tries_ , to let herself be cared for in the way that she needed.

_(In the way she deserves… and that Addison always has deserved all those years…)_

"We accept the love we think we deserve, Addison," Meredith says to her.

And that's all she says then, she doesn't say anything more.

* * *

_(Meredith almost says to her, then 'you deserve better than him. But she and Derek are trying to be friends now. And she doesn't want to bad-mouth Addison's friend.)_

_(Meredith wants to say 'you deserve someone who will kiss you and love you and touch you and make you feel like you're worth a hell of a lot… And I could be that person you know… if you want…)_

_(Meredith wants to say 'pick me, choose me, love me, Addison. Be a better person than your stupid-ex-something Derek was and give me an answer. Give me the yes because god if I want you right now more than I ever did him…And we're even in the same damn scrub room as when I said that to Derek which feels like a million years ago, now...)_

* * *

But Meredith doesn't say any of those things.

Meredith doesn't say anything more, at all.

No matter how much Meredith wants to-

To break open the silence with words...

Meredith waits for Addison to say something...

* * *

And Addison almost cries from the compassion that Meredith is offering her.

She has the impulse to cry but she controls it.

She's had the training from her mother, Bizzy Forbes, not to cry in front of others, ever.

Addison is a big girl, she can handle herself.

She can hold back her tears and not let them show...

* * *

Meredith looks at Addison and she looks like she's going to cry now.

And Meredith wants to hold her. She wants to cradle her in her arms.

Meredith wants to carry her home and to tuck her in at night.

Meredith wants to be her 'knight in shining _whatever_ '

Meredith wants to take care of her… _(always…)_

* * *

But before Meredith can squeeze Addison's hand harder inside her own,

Before Meredith can move to hug Addison tight to her body,

Before Meredith can show Addison she cares for her,

Addison starts to say something, so Meredith listens.

"I'm ready to go back," Addison says with a deep breath.

* * *

And Meredith says "well, alright then" with a big bright baby blue smile.

And she offers Addison one last pat on the back before she helps her get up again.

And she waits until Addison walks out the door first, so she can follow her close right behind.

* * *

"Can we play another GAME!" one of the other interns is cheering.

"YAAAAAAAAS!" so many other people cheer.

As Addison and Meredith take their seats again, everyone looks at them a bit curiously;

Before Meredith says to them "Addison had a medical thing, she just needed help that's all."

And they were in a hospital so they chose not to ask more questions.

And Derek was smirking at them and squinting to see if he could see any lipstick or teeth marks on either of them. But he doesn't so he just smiles at them sweetly.

And Cristina smirks at them of course, she does as Izzie sort of does as well.

But all of the smug expressions are interrupted by John, who suggests they play 'hot seat.'

When someone asks "WHAT'S THAT?" Everyone gasps when it's Bailey and Webber who know all the rules.

"Everyone has a 3 question turn, during which the questioner, which I assume will be John, gets to ask them whatever he wants. You have to answer truthfully unless you say pass. And you have a limited number of those. Usually, at a bar, you'd have bailout shots but I guess these dixie cups of ginger ale will have to do" Richard says, pouring one out for each of them.

"And also, like any of these other games you always seem to play in this room, whatever happens, stays here and here only. You're not to talk about it with anyone else, are we clear?" Bailey has an insistent tone as everyone is just surprised that she's playing the game with them.

* * *

Preston Burke is the first to be put in the 'hot seat,' as John asks him first:

"Would you ever have made Cristina Yang lie for you if you were still dating?"

And all Burke says to everyone is "I have no idea."

Then he asks him "Would you want to ever be with a man?"

To which he answers "I don't know yet"

And then he asks him "did you want Cristina's child if she had not lost it?"

And he thinks for a moment, before saying he might have.

It wasn't a very defined set of answers, but it was interesting, still, all the same.

* * *

Izzie is up next, and her first question is "if you didn't need the money, would you have wanted to be a model?"

And she thinks for a moment before saying she's proud of the work she did.

Then he asks her "what would you do for your mother if you could give her anything?"

And she laughs and she says to everyone "probably a stable boyfriend"

And he asks her if she wishes she'd grown up differently,

And she squeezes Cristina Yang's hand when she says that she doesn't, at all.

* * *

Derek is next in the hot seat.

John goes easier on him, knowing he's had a hard day.

He asks him "do you have any family we don't all know about yet?"

And Addison laughs as Derek starts to describe his mother Carolyn Shepherd and his sisters Nancy, Liz, Kathleen, and Amelia.

"They're really nice, especially Amelia," Addison smiles at the memory.

She hopes she doesn't lose touch with them after this divorce she's had with Derek.

"You can still call them, you know," Derek says to her then. And it makes Addison smile.

"Did you ever do drugs?" John finally asks him.

He says he's done weed one time (he doesn't say that Addison had also had done, said weed, that time and she'd been so paranoid she'd locked herself in a closet for hours.)

(Derek thinks about the whole closet metaphor again and then tries to stop thinking about it.)

"Do you think you could be happy being not a brain surgeon?" he asks.

"Probably not," Derek says. "Unless I like, worked for the president or cured Alzheimer's or something," Derek laughs as Meredith tries not to flinch at the word Alzheimer's.

* * *

"Cristina, what do you think you would do if you couldn't operate?" he asks a similar question to the one he asked Derek.

"I have no idea. Maybe I'd become a bartender. Or a spy. Or an assassin…?" Cristina shrugs.

"BUT YOU WOULDN'T ACTUALLY STAB PEOPLE, RIGHT?" Izzie exclaims at her.

"Probably not," Cristina answers cryptically before bursting out laughing.

"Would you like to have your own hospital one day?" John asks her.

"ABSOLUTELY!" Cristina exclaims.

"What medical miracle would you perform if you could?" John asks her.

"I want to make human hearts out of thin air," Cristina says to him dreamily.

* * *

To George, he asks him "What is your favorite car?" and he surprises everyone by taking a hot to get out of THAT one.

"That's literally all my brothers ask is pick a car. It makes me want to run away" George laughs.

"Ok, who is your movie or TV crush?" he asks.

"Jennifer Anniston… Or maybe David Beckum" he laughs.

"Would you rather win a free season pass to music concerts or sports games?"

"Probably music" George answers as Alex says "dude" because he would have said "sports."

"What's the bravest thing you've ever done?" he asks to boost George's confidence.

"Probably having sex with Alex" he answers bluntly as everyone laughs.

* * *

Alex is, in fact, next up for his game time. So John asks him:

"If you could change one thing in your past…"

Alex says he would have been nicer to his little brother.

"What kind of surgery do you want to do?" John asks.

"Probably plastics," he smirks.

And Addison bites her tongue not to say "you should meet Mark Sloan…"

"Do you want kids, Alex?" He asks seriously.

Ane Alex says that he does, someday.

* * *

"Miranda Bailey" John begins.

"What is your worst nightmare?"

"Probably catching on fire" she laughs.

"Would you rather not ever be the boss of anyone or become a firefighter?" he asks.

"No idea," Bailey says.

"Do you have any weird food cravings?"

"All the damn time. Mostly for strawberry milkshakes" she laughs.

* * *

"Richard Webber, have you had the love of your life yet?"

And Richard has to think for a second, about Ellis Grey and Adele. And he realizes he doesn't have to decide he just has to answer.

All he says is "I think so," and that's enough for John.

"Do you want to die in this hospital?" John asks rather morbidly.

"Yes, I think that I would," Richard says to everyone.

"Do you consider yourself to be a father figure to Meredith?" he asks seriously.

And Meredith smiles as he nods and says "yes."

* * *

And it's down to just Meredith and Addison now. And John looks between each of them before deciding to ask Meredith first.

"Are you glad you're a surgeon?" he asks simply.

"I think I am, mostly. Sometimes I hate that people just want me to be like my mother. But mostly," Meredith answers.

"Do you like it here in Seattle?" he asks her.

"Yeah, I never thought I would like anywhere like here but I do," she says.

"Are you falling in love, do you think," John finally asks her tenderly.

"I really think that I am," Meredith says to him softly.

And her big baby blues smile a shy smile as she looks to the ground now.

And she's not thinking much of anything else, but of Addison.

* * *

And Addison tries to read the look on Meredith's face. But Meredith doesn't meet anyone's gaze now.

And now everyone is staring at Addison because it's her turn to answer.

And John the patient snaps her out of the trance to ask her:

"Which of your houses in New York is your favorite?"

And Addison is horrified as she shoots a look to Derek who only chuckles, a bit annoyingly.

"Probably not the Brownstone, anymore" she answers finally and Derek tries not to choke in laughter.

"Do you think you could ever become a shopaholic?" he asks her.

"Hopefully not, but maybe" she gasps.

And then she stops laughing entirely.

Because she's worried about what is coming next.

Addison panics and looks at John, who only winks at her and shakes his head imperceptibly;

Signaling to her he won't out Addison's 'mystery man' secret because she should do that herself.

John still knows a lot of other secrets about her still, so she isn't calmed down yet...

So instead he asks her the same simple question he asked earlier to Meredith.

If she's thinking she's falling in love.

And when Addison answers yes, she looks John right in the eye.

And John delivers a kind-eyed look.

And he says best of luck, then to all of them.

* * *

And when George says "wait do we get to ask YOU questions?"

John only laughs and says "that's all you've all been doing to me for a month!"

And they all simply agree.

When Meredith asks about the cake, Cristina just informs her they already ate it.

They ate that cake like an hour ago, and they let Meredith sulk before revealing they saved a piece for her and Addison, each in the Attendings lounge fridge.

* * *

They end the evening with the 'Secret Santa' giving him parting gifts they all schemed to buy.

Richard gives him a wine glass because he says he's an alcoholic anyhow.

Burke gives him books because he really likes books.

Bailey gets him a coffee cart gift card because she wants to chat with him around sometime.

Derek gets him a mug that he had from New York.

And when Addison laughs at him, knowing where it was from; he just says "it's _vintage_ " and she rolls her eyes at him, teasingly.

Cristina and Izzie get him a vibrator. And he unwraps it only enough to see the label and he is delighted.

Alex and George get a Costco-sized-pack of glow-in-the-dark condoms.

And that makes both Meredith and Addison SIMULTANEOUSLY shoot a smirk at Derek, who blushes profusely before looking at the ground.

And then Addison and Meredith look at EACH OTHER and collapse in a fit of giggles as Addison says to her "well I guess some tastes never changed after arriving in Seattle…"

* * *

And then Meredith pulls out hers and Addison's gift.

She puts it in the mixtape CD to a CD player she's borrowed from Addison's office.

And they listen to the mixtape, with songs like

"The Quest" by Bryn Christopher, and

"Atlas Hands" by Benjamin Francis Leftwich, and

"The Same" by Mackintosh Brown, and

"Gold" by Wake Owl, and

"Cold World" by Jon E.K.

"Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service, and

"Portions for Foxes" by Rilo Kiley, and

"What Can I Say" by Brandi Carlile, and

"You and Me" by Lifehouse, and

"Sky" by Joshua Radin and Ingrid Michaelson, and

"Hometown Glory" by Adele, and finally,

"End of All Time" by Stars of Track and Field.

* * *

And they listen to the tape all the way.

And at each change of song Addison is hoping to hear the song that Meredith had been singing her the other night.

But it never plays, and she's sure that she'd recognize it.

And she tries not to look so dejected when the mixtape finally comes to an end.

John examines the cover, where Addison had drawn a picture instead of signing her name and Meredith signs for both of them.

"From A and M."

As well as "Thanks For The Memories" in Meredith's curvy cursive.

And John says he is so touched, and he says to them all "thanks for giving me the best not-dying-days of my life"

* * *

Addison says she has to have one last post-divorce dinner with McDreamy before she breaks his heart and says she'll still meet them for drinks at Joe's maybe after.

And then Addison motions for Meredith to drive her to pick up the takeout.

And Derek starts to follow along before Addison says they'll just bring it back and eat it here anyhow he doesn't need to ride along.

And then she glares at whoever made the comment 'guess they're not all into threesomes…'

* * *

As the interns and attendings except for Derek all file out to get dinner from the Cafeteria.

Derek stays behind and hangs out with John the patient a little more, off Addison's suggestion.

Derek finally confesses his love-pain to John, who offers him lots and lots of stories of how he faced coming out and homophobia growing up.

Derek talks to John for a long time, before and John finally says "your ex-wife certainly is a romantic" and she's "very supportive of gay men."

And when Derek asks what he means about that, John says he has a secret to share only with him.

So when he nods and he makes his promises, John slides out another part of the CD packaging he'd noticed had fallen out into his hand earlier when he opened it.

He unfolded it and read it himself and smiled before he showed what it is to Derek.

John shows Derek, first, an encouraging thank-you message from Addison, and how the last line of it, which says please see an attached note which looks like a medical chart.

He then shows Derek the secret love note with the letter from Raj.

It said to him "from your secret admirer" and Derek gushes at how sweet it is.

It's actually from the male psychiatrist, the same one that the interns had stolen his chart from when he was first admitted here.

He says that his middle name is 'Arthur' but he can call him Raj.

It says that Raj had held him on Psych hold because he had had a crush on him and wanted to be there when he woke up.

So he 5150'd him so he'd get to talk to him once again, but he had never had the chance before all the drama inevitably happened.

But he still thought of him, so after Addison talked to Raj about his discharge paperwork, Addison said he's a really good person, and she said she'd pass on his number to John.

As long as Raj promised to be good to John and not hit on Meredith Grey again, even for pretend.

And John said he was going to call Raj once he's better.

And John says Derek should call his best friend and take his chances one he is ready.

He asks what Derek would need for him and Mark to work out.

He says he'd have to move to Seattle but he didn't want to force him to.

And not to talk to other girls in the meantime, and Derek finally feels he has someone who has reassured him that he REALLY belongs.

* * *

Meredith and Addison enjoy their car ride going to get the Thai food.

And the plant food.

Despite what she said earlier, Addison pays for all of the orders, including herse, Meredith's, and even Derek's, just as a friend might do, and Meredith thinks that it's nice.

They have just mindless and funny banter the whole way there and back.

And neither of them try to feel each other up in the car.

And neither of them wants to break open the moment by asking anything too serious.

_(Addison thinks now that maybe she should confess to Grey.)_

_(But she doesn't want to get them all in a car crash so she decided to wait just a little bit longer…)_

_(And Meredith just looks so, so, happily singing along to the radio to all the popular tunes…)_

* * *

Addison walks by and smiles at John and Derek as she walks by their room.

She drops off Thai food for Derek, then decides that John can have her share and that she'll just share Meredith's with her 'because it's the same order _anyway._ '

And John smiles and winks at Addison, and he also winks at Derek, to signal to him that they had 'their little secret' too.

And John allows Meredith to settle down cross-legged on the floor and eat her pad thai with Addison as they each dive in with their chopsticks.

And Derek even offers to bring the girls their cake, to which Meredith says "YES PLEASE!" And Addison says she's too full now to eat it.

Eventually, Meredith runs off to see her friends for a bit because she hasn't really seen them all day. So she runs off to hang out with Izzie and Cristina and Alex and George in a common room as they finish off the rest of the party snacks and pack up the extra decorations.

And John congratulates Addison and Derek on such an amicable divorce.

"People must hate you both for it" John only laughs.

"You have no idea…" Addison and Derek say to him, at once.

_(But perhaps John really does know all about their interconnected lives…)_

John begs "Doctor Boss" now, to stay one final day in the hospital as he arranges for his ex-lover's mother to pick him up from the hospital.

Addison understands his situation as his parents had passed away so she signs off on that, saying up she'll make up another psych evaluation if she has to.

* * *

Addison doesn't see Meredith or any traces of her after she finally leaves John's room and leaves Derek to talk to him. This is later in the evening, after dinner, when she goes to her office to change, pick up her clothes for the evening, including her favorite 'red and green' scarf. She hopes that Meredith will not dislike it, after having said to her that "red and green' was not a super-fashionable combination.

And Addison decides happily that she doesn't need any more pre-drinks before heading to the bar after all. She's had enough of Derek's single-malt-scotch to last her. And she doesn't think that getting drunk around Meredith right after she's newly single is a very good idea. And she thinks that it's good that she doesn't because Meredith has the keys to her secret drawer in her office, and she really doesn't want to ask Meredith for her key to her secret office 'liquor cabinet' back right now.

So instead of indulging herself in alcohol, she eats another piece of Izzie's cherry and vanilla cake. She had one put aside for her earlier and she'd wanted to eat it in private. She didn't want to eat a big piece of it in front of the interns. She couldn't, she already knew, stand to eat a cherry-and-vanilla-whip-cream-cake-baked-by-Cristina-and-Izzie without thinking about Meredith licking a lollipop while practically eye-fucking her twice. Not without audibly moaning at least…

So Addison has had her cake taste earlier, of just the vanilla and not even the cherry.

When Meredith had offered her a taste off of her fork and she couldn't resist.

But this time Addison got to 'have her cake first and then to eat it too', later.

And as Addison sinks her teeth into the exploding cherries, all she can dream of how Meredith's lips could taste fastened to hers...

* * *

_Addison didn't even have a drink with her cake because she didn't want to wear down the flavors of cherry and whipped cream and vanilla and happiness with another taste entirely._

_But if Addison HAD needed a drink and opened her drawer she would have realized that her bottle of Blue Sapphire Gin would not have been so secret to the intern after all._

**One of these days** , rather far into the future from now, when Addison will finally have an occasion to feel the need to take a drink from this secret stash once again. Or to offer a taste of it to someone else who really, really needs it. But that person won't be in her office WITH her when she opens that drawer again. Because it is still her secret stash.

_So she thinks it is, anyways. But then again, one of these days when Addison is feeling like someone, herself or otherwise, needs a comforting Gin and Tonic at work, she will discover the drawer had been opened that day when Meredith had been in her office._

_And that there were only eighteen of the twenty blank CD's left in the package, which was also in the same drawer where she stashed her secret gin with the keys that Meredith still had on her keyring. And she will discover inside of it some new content. She will discover a surprise._

_It's a homemade CD mixtape, for HER. The gift is addressed with the same date of her divorce with a hand-drawn design on the cover. The sketch looks uncannily like the non-straight-looking potted plant she'd held in Meredith's house._

_And next to the drawing are the words: 'Thank you for not letting it go. Thank you for not just letting it be. Thank you for being the person who nurses knocked over queer potted plants back to health, even if that means going out of your way to buy plant food on the way from picking up Thai food with me, instead, of thinking that plants that refuse to be straight again are not even worth it. Because you never thought the plant was worthless. You thought it deserved a chance today'_

**_(Addison will wonder when she opens the gift if Meredith had known about Addison's identity as the 'mystery person' at the moment she'd made the card about the potted plant.)_ **

**_(But Meredith will reassure Addison after she asks, that she hadn't; she was only thinking of how Addison had wanted to buy plant food when she'd made that mixtape for Addison...)_ **

_When Addison opens up the cheap plastic CD case to pop the tape into her old boombox player she still kept in her office, something else will fall out of it. And that there was another mystery note, addressed to Doctor McHotBoss, from her 'secret admirer'._

_She will discover in that way, then her secret admirer had been pining for her all along. She will realize then that THIS was the surprise that Meredith was referring to 'someone liking a whole lot' all the way back at John the patient's surprise party. She will chuckle at this memory. She'll think 'god, Grey really is clever, isn't she…_

_And she will sit back in her desk chair, listening to the tape on her. And she will close her eyes and imagine when she hears the opening lines to the first of the songs._

" _We'll take a better look, beyond a storybook…"_

_She'll remember the song from the night Meredith sang her to sleep._

_And she will dream of a happily ever after with her 'not-so-secret-admirer', for whom she had been pining for as well, for longer than even Addison could remember…_

_Probably as long as the night they'd first met…_

_And that that beautiful song that surrounded her office will always remind her of that perfect day she and Meredith had shared. It will remind her of the feeling of Meredith Grey's tender arms around her, her nimble fingers running through her loose hair._

_And Addison thinks for the second time in her life that this would be the perfect song to have at a wedding. And she wonders if the thought ever occurs to her a third time if that secret wish would ever be one to come true..._

* * *

But Addison in the present day is not daydreaming of weddings.

Addison in the present day is not drinking her gin.

Addison in the present day is not dreamily listening to the Ingrid Michaelson song "Turn to Stone."

Addison in the present day still has no idea what that song is even called or who sings it.

If anyone had asked her she would have blurted out that the singer is "Meredith'.

Addison in the present is fantasizing about Meredith's lips on hers.

She's fantasizing about Meredith's lips on her chin and her cheek and on her temple.

Addison is imagining Meredith kissing her neck and worshiping her tender hairline.

She's imagining Meredith sucking on the spot behind her ear before nibbling her earlobe.

She's imagining Meredith doing all the things she'd been doing to her body in the scrub room, but with her tongue and her teeth alongside her magical fingers...

Addison decides she really has to do something about this and sets off to tell Meredith grey the whole truth.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Meredith loves hanging out with her friends, but they all seem to want to go off and, well, spend time in their pairings.

And Meredith is exhausted after this endless day of driving and surgeries and parties.

_(And extreme McCrushes on the newly McDivorced and amazing McAddison…)_

So Meredith finally finds an empty on-call room to crash in for a short little nap.

She thinks of showering, but decides to do that in a little while…

She wishes she had Addison to cuddle with in her sleep.

But she's so tired she drifts into happy dreams until she's woken up a bit later.

* * *

And Addison is feeling all heated up all over again.

And she's nervous about the prospect of telling Meredith Grey.

And she's covered in grime from all the surgeries anyhow.

So Addison goes off in search of a shower and also the Intern.

She eventually realizes that the only on-call room with a shower that does not have a couple in it is the one she finally ends up opening quietly because the lights are off.

Addison eventually sees that it's Meredith who is in the bunk bed, so she tosses an extra blanket on her, and waits till she stops stirring completely.

She wishes she could tell Meredith the truth now, to get it over with, rip the bandage off.

But she would never want to wake her, so Addison only sits next to her for a second and smiles.

Addison watches her sleep for a minute, wondering if she had looked this peaceful in Meredith's arms.

Addison tucks a hair behind Meredith's ear and says "thank-you, sweet dream, Meredith" before heading off for her shower.

She'll be grateful, very soon, that she hadn't said anything more in-depth than that, like confessed or professed a crush or something more to Meredith Grey like, just now.

She'll be pretty damn relieved once she finds out later that Meredith Grey had actually been awake and just not moving, for that entire exchange, just so she could remember the feeling of Addison Montgomery tucking her into bed for a moment.

* * *

*****

*****

*****

*****

******* END OF CHAPTER 28**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Hello friends!

I hope you enjoyed 15 pages of Meredith's hands on top of Addison's shoulders. Like actually that is exactly what that was. LOL sexual tension fluff. I really like that. A lot.

(In Addition to some 'secret admirer' antics, a party, a dinner, and some other stuff.)

Seriously though, I do have a question: Do you prefer longer or shorter chapters? Would you like it if I posted half the chapters (say at 4000 words each) and then posted the rest later? Or do you like it the way it is as one daily/every two-day update thing?

Looking at the stats for this work, most clicks are obviously for the beginning and less for newer chapters. But I don't know if that's just because committing to a long fic is HARD (I know.. It's okay!) or if that's because the earlier chapters were shorter and people don't like reading a long ass thing. Or maybe you want to read every damn word and like that the length of the chapters on average is increasing.

Let me know! Also, to the people who said they might be inspired to write - YOU ARE MY HERO. Yes, YOU. If I get to read more MerAdd fanfiction in my day I will be so happy! So to those other authors out there, thanks so, so much!

SO all in all: No one has entered, nor won the 'what was the mystery gift for John' game. Sad. I would have written you a one-shot. But alas, feel free to play the guessing game of 'what will happen next?' because I like to hear predictions.

Also, for those of you who were wondering, yes I do watch Killing Eve and I'm probably not very subtle about it...

Enjoy the next approximately 36-48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

_Author's Note 3:_

This is actually all songs taken from the show, at some point, that I happen to enjoy as a playlist :D

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

* * *

Seriously, you reviewers are totally the best :D

bobbiejelly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO!
> 
> And other updates today:
> 
> Chapter 6 of "out of the dark"
> 
> and a new chapter of "this sweet love via voicemails"
> 
> Have a good one!


	29. Sees, Looks, Imagines...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Addison takes a shower. Meredith takes a shower. Rated Explicit. Take from the summary what you will.

_Author's Note:_

_THE RATING HAS CHANGED TO "E" or "M" or whichever For EXPLICIT. You are WARNED._

_Side note: About why the character's thoughts might be in the third person,_

_This is an interesting question that I had not thought of, actually._

_Partially it is written so the audience won't misplace whose internal thoughts they are._

_Partially it is because I find it entertaining when the character's inner thoughts are in conflict with each other._

_And partially because the story is told in a third person sort of omniscient perspective, with each character having their 'time' where the story is in 'their third person limited…'_

_Which is also occasionally interrupted by narrations.. Really unsure myself, actually._

_Answer to a reader question: Do I ever talk with myself in the third person?_

_(Yes, bobbiejelly does, at times. Actually...)_

_(Hush, bobbiejelly, that's rather weird to be telling people you know…)_

_(Well, they ASKED…!)_

_(Anyways, despite this, bobbiejelly will consider adding more inner thoughts in the first person…)_

_Thanks for your thoughtful reviews!_

_Take care and enjoy this chapter._

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_**PREVIOUSLY ON "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING":** _

* * *

Addison tucks a hair behind Meredith's ear and says "thank-you, sweet dreams, Meredith" before heading off for her shower.

She'll be grateful, very soon, that she hadn't said anything more in-depth than that, like confessed or professed a crush or something more to Meredith Grey like, just now.

She'll be pretty damn relieved once she finds out later that Meredith Grey had actually been awake and just not moving, for that entire exchange, just so she could remember the feeling of Addison Montgomery tucking her into bed for a moment.

* * *

_END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE._

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by me, bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Chapter 29: Sees, Looks, Imagines...**

* * *

Addison Montgomery sighs as she decides to herself that Meredith Grey has finally fallen asleep, as her breathing is even and her eyes are pressed sleepily shut.

So Addison stands up from the bed, and she tiptoes across the floor to the shower room. Addison begins to undress herself, removing her jewelry, first. Then she removes her shirt, lifting her arms over her head.

She takes off her pants and her bra, relieved that she's finally washing this tired afternoon off of all of her skin. When Addison takes off her panties, she gasps when she realizes they're soaked to the skin, and she smiles privately to herself, remembering Meredith's massage.

Addison turns on the water, waiting for it to reach the ideal temperature as she hangs up her clothes and lays a towel on the bathroom rack beside her. Addison steps in the shower, feeling the spray with her fingers, first.

The water is warm, and it soothes her sore muscles further. Addison sighs contentedly as the spray washes over her face and her neck and her chest. She hums along to a tune she doesn't really know as she washes herself, applying soap and shampoo everywhere.

She cleans herself up, shaving her legs and taking her time washing her hair. She stands in the shower for a while, enjoying the cascade of softness that the warm water envelops her with. Addison feels this is a metaphorical sort of 'baptism' or rebirth from her sins...

* * *

But as Addison thinks to herself she has purged all her pain… She realizes she's been watched this whole time. A shadow of a female figure appears at the door. And a familiar voice is calling out to her. "Addison…". It's the soothing tone of the 'lusty intern' that made even Addison's ex-husband who is probably 'gay or something', swoon.

And the figure approaches her with a predatory glance as she steps into the room. Addison glances at the door lock and she realizes she'd forgotten it earlier. But she couldn't care less about that, now, because Meredith Grey is taking all of HER clothes off in front of her.

Meredith is stripping her shirt. She's making a show of unclipping her bra and watching Addison salivate as she lets her luscious breasts spring free from their confines. Addison has _never_ seen the intern without any clothes on before. And now she can see them bouncing…

"I thought you were asleep?" Addison asks her. "Oh, I was. But I woke up when you stroked my hair, tenderly. And I stayed there without moving a muscle so I could feel the weight of your hands over my body even though all the blankets…" Meredith says to her lustfully.

* * *

Meredith examines the sight set before her. Addison Forbes Montgomery is naked, really, really naked, and _wet_. And she's standing in the shower now, facing her, all hot and naked. And she hasn't screamed yet. She hasn't told her at all to get out. She hasn't done any of that.

She won't do any of that, because Addison is tired of denying herself. She's tired of pretending to be straight when she's not. Addison is exhausted from trying not to have sex with Meredith Grey. And she's finally single and Meredith is also single and she's standing there, _offering._

"Am I 'in' or 'out'?" Meredith still gives her the option. And it takes less than two seconds for Addison to say 'in'. "Definitely, in," Addison says to her. "I want to see you naked, too." And Meredith complies with her easily, pulling the ribbon tie of her scrub pants and letting them fall to the floor.

She makes a show of taking off her panties and tossing them to the side. And then she walks into the shower with Addison, and she stands there next to her for a moment, taking in the luscious sight to behold.

"You are perfect," Meredith says to Addison without hesitation.

Meredith sees, looks, imagines the possibilities of how she could bring Addison screaming her name to high heavens now that she's all hot and wanting in front of her...

" _Thank-you_ " Addison says to Meredith breathlessly.

She's thanking her in advance for the unspeakable things Meredith will soon do to her...

"Thank goodness you divorced Derek, he's such an idiot for letting you go. But at least leaving him means you've gotten to meet ME. And at least I finally get to have you like this now…"

"What do you have in mind, Meredith?" Addison says to her using her first name, as an equal.

"I have many, many, things in my mind," Meredith says to her lustfully. It's the truth, too.

* * *

"And I promise you I can touch you even better than anyone ever has, ever before…"

Meredith whispers these bittersweet nothings into Addison's ear before she dives right on in.

"Addison" Meredith says to her breathlessly as she kisses her earlobe.

"Addison" Meredith says to her as she sucks on her earlobe.

"Addison" Meredith says to her as she allows her teeth to graze the soft flesh of her ears…

Addison starts to moan and to whimper under Meredith's soothing touches.

She brings her hands onto Meredith's waist as she holds on for dear life.

She kisses onto Addison's neck now, latching on with her lips as she sucks the pale skin.

She runs her hands up and down Addison's beautiful body as she soaks it all in.

Meredith takes in Addison's moans as she lunges forward to back Addison into the wall of the shower with a ' _THUD"..._

* * *

_******* THUD ******* _

* * *

Meredith hits the floor with a "THUD" as she lunges forward off of the bed and flattens herself all in a heap.

" **FUCK!" Meredith exclaims out to no-one now, as she realizes this whole damn thing had just been a dream.**

"Fuck" Meredith exclaims, as she looks up to see that the shower door is actually closed and that the last thing she remembers is Addison tucking her in before she closed her eyes…

_('And I never even got to feel in my dreams just what Addison's lips would taste like…' Meredith sighs…)_

Meredith can hear the water shutting off now, and she thinks that maybe she's going to hell for all of this. But she can't keep herself from staring as the shower door opens.

And she keeps her eyes open just a crack so she can see Addison walk out in a towel, covering all of her private parts and exposing only the tops of her shoulders and her ankles of skin.

And Addison still thinks that Meredith is sleeping, so she makes as little noise as possible before walking out of the room, and shutting the door closed tight behind her.

Meredith releases a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding.

She sighs again, realizing she didn't even think of saying anything to Addison, then.

She's just been so dazed after her dream she didn't even think to say something platonic like "thank you for tucking me in".

_(Well, actually, that sounds really hecking gay, now that she thinks about it…)_

Either way, though, if Meredith was tired before she's wide awake now.

Meredith can feel the throbbing need between her thighs, and she really needs to release some of the pressure.

Or for sure she's going to jump Addison next time she sees her. For sure, as in, definitely, will actually press her lips to her neck this time and kiss the hell out of her.

That's how desperately horny Meredith Grey is right now. This is definitely a _hazard_ , so Meredith sighs, and decides that she needs to take a shower, anyway so it might as well be now.

* * *

Meredith undresses and steps into the shower. The water warms up pretty quickly since Addison had already had it on just a minute ago. Meredith sighs as she washes her hair and her body and shaves her legs and all that.

She runs her hands through her own hair, imagining it was Addison who was doing the same. Meredith closes her eyes now, leaning back against the shower and starts to run her own hands all over her body.

She wonders, idly, if Addison was doing this. _Was Addison touching herself…?_

The thought of it really turns Meredith on, as she tries to imagine what Addison would look like, like this. Her hands running up over her breasts, pinching her nipples as Meredith is doing now.

She likes to imagine Addison was thinking of her. Thinking of Meredith. Thinking of what Meredith could do if she had actually walked her into the wall of the shower with a bit of a 'thud.'

Meredith imagines she's kissing Addison now, as she runs the tip of her tongue over the pale of her own lips. Meredith imagines it's Addison's hands that are squeezing her breasts. She imagines that Addison will adore them because Addison has never been with a woman before…

Meredith imagines Addison letting _her_ take control. She imagines Addison asking her to touch her all over. As Meredith runs her hands down her waist she imagines Addison doing the same.

Meredith imagines rubbing her hands all over Addison's back, maybe scratching a little. She imagines holding on to her, looking up into her eyes. Asking her if she wants sex…

Meredith imagines Addison saying "yes" as Meredith moves to slide her fingers over her own now wet center, but only for a few seconds so she could take in how wet she already is for her…

Meredith imagines licking the taste off of Addison from her fingers for the first time and she imagines it would be absolutely delicious. As she licks her own fingers, she imagines offering them also to Addison and then kissing her so they could share it between them...

Meredith imagines doing this to Addison and making her close her eyes and grip onto her. Meredith imagines Addison enjoying her touches so much that she's reaching for Meredith to kiss down Meredith's neck and her chest and her breasts.

As Meredith rolls her own nipples under her thumbs she imagines latching her lips onto Addison's breasts. She imagines suckling them for the first time. How those perfect, luscious breasts would feel in her mouth.

Meredith imagines making Addison squirm with her tongue as she trails it down Addison's stomach. Meredith has her hands on her own stomach as she imagines Addison pressing into her touches as she felt abdominal muscles roll under her touch.

Meredith feels the outer, then inner parts of her thighs as she imagines how strong and toned Addison's legs would feel like under her hands. The first thought she ever had was that Addison is all 'leggy and fabulous.'

And now Meredith can't help thinking that running her palms over Addison's thighs and her knees and her calves would be wonderful.

Meredith allows herself to imagine grabbing onto Addison's fine ass. God, her ass was so shaped and toned. Meredith wonders if Addison is a runner, if she likes to run, for sport. She imagines that Addison does, as she runs her own hands down her own ass, thinking Addison's would be so incredible.

Finally, Meredith imagines herself getting to the heat of it all. She imagines asking Addison one last time if she wants to go all the way. She imagines Addison begging her with a breathy 'please' before Meredith would slide a finger, slowly, all the way into Addison's entrance.

She would lock eyes with Addison, ensuring they never lost eye contact as she started to move her hand, in and out, of Addison, slowly. And then, slowly and surely, Meredith would add a second finger inside of her…

Meredith is feeling her own fingers inside of herself, as she picks up the pace, bracing herself against the back wall of the shower. But she imagines that Addison would be bracing herself between the wall as well as Meredith.

She imagines increasing her motions, before applying her thumb over Addison's clit, as Meredith does the same with herself. Meredith imagines hitting Addison's g-spot for the very first time as she curls her fingers inside of her to find her very own.

* * *

Meredith imagines edging Addison close, so close to her finish before backing away for a second. And then she would drop down to her knees and reposition herself so she was holding onto Addison's fine, fine ass with two hands.

Meredith imagines how Addison's dark, lustful eyes would look. She imagines giving Addison a smirk, like a little 'watch this' as Meredith spreads Addison's legs apart a little further and Meredith moves forward to go down on her…

Meredith knows objectively that this would, hypothetically, be the first time that Addison had ever been with a woman. But what she didn't know, at that moment, is that Addison had never actually totally received oral sex, or even digital sex, from even any of her previous, male partners.

Sure, Addison had had Mark's tongue on her for a few minutes, and his fingers as well, again, for a few minutes. Not to satisfaction and not to her own climax, at all, as she had told Derek just a few days ago but had not ever told that to anyone else, even Mark.

So Meredith didn't even know to dream that this would have been (if she had in some alternate dream never actually followed Addison into the shower and had sex with her, then…)

She didn't know to dream that it would be the very first time that Addison had someone get down on their knees to give HER oral sex. Which she had done many times for others, but had always felt too self-conscious to ever ask for in return.

Addison didn't want to be greedy, but Meredith wouldn't take it as greed. Meredith wouldn't need Addison to ask for it, to beg for it to actually happen. Meredith would be down on her knees offering herself to Addison in that way before Addison even had to open her mouth to speak.

* * *

"Shall I continue?" Meredith would ask Addison in a low tone. And Meredith feels herself adoring this fantasy of hers as she continues to fuck herself with her fingers, in the shower, alone. And she uses her other hand to touch her breasts now as she continues to imagine…

Meredith imagines Addison asking if she really wanted to. And Meredith would say that it's what she's always wanted most when she's lusted after Addison. That what she wants more than anything is to make Addison putty to mold under her hands.

What she's wanted the most is to see Addison react to the pleasure that Meredith can only begin to offer her. What Meredith wants is to make Addison feel sinfully good, to make her moan out like a whore, and to make her come completely undone.

And Meredith would continue these bittersweet nothings, as they seduced Addison further into Meredith's hands. Addison would say to her "if you're sure, Meredith, if YOU want this, then I do. I just don't want to be selfish…" and Addison would be all cute and shy and vulnerable.

And Meredith would ease all her concerns and tell Addison she could bring Meredith pleasure, herself, in this experience if she held onto her shoulders, and pulled on her hair, and kissed her on the head and on the neck and on the shoulders as she worked.

And Addison would say 'okay'. And then Meredith would dive in. Meredith would dive in as she's diving in on herself now, adding in a third finger to herself as she imagines tasting Addison experimentally with her tongue.

If she were to do this to Addison, Meredith knows she would be gentle, as it would be Addison's very first time doing this. She would swirl her tongue over all of Addison's vagina. She's hear Addison's whimpers as she worked her up more.

She'd probably tease her a bit about how good it tastes. She would lick in broad strokes before testing her tongue at Addison's entrance.

And Meredith swirled her fingers around her own entrance in the shower as she imagined doing the same, now, to Addison, only with her tongue all around it, before finally inserting it in.

She imagines what Addison would look like, hair all wild and billowing in the shower. She imagines what Addison would sound like, moaning out Meredith's name as she gave her really good head against the wall of the shower.

She imagines what Addison would feel like, as Meredith would remove her tongue to insert her fingers into Addison's entrance as she fastened her lips to Addison's clit and suck and suck and suck on it.

She imagines what Addison would be like, totally in awe of Meredith's skills in the 'bedroom'. As she felt all the things Meredith could do with her tongue, would she forgive her husband for having ever lusted over this blonde intern, because she, herself, could not help but do that?

Meredith brings herself right to the edge as she imagines doing the same with Addison now, having Addison arch her back up and fuck herself back onto Meredith's fingers as Meredith swirled her tongue right onto the sweet spot of Addison's clit as she thrust perfectly into her g-spot.

And the strokes she imagines on Addison, she does to herself now, And Meredith makes herself come now, all over her hand. And as she does, she imagines Addison coming, watching Addison come for the first time.

How it would make her love her, love her even more than she already did until then…

Meredith imagines how Addison would shudder beautifully from her ministrations. She imagines rocking Addison down from the aftershocks. She imagines milking every single last drop that Addison has to offer.

Meredith imagines herself holding Addison, after. Holding her in her arms as Addison collapsed into them, satisfied and exhausted at all the exertion. Meredith imagines how she would feel if, in her wildest dreams, Addison would say to her 'you're already the best sex I've ever had…'

And Meredith would smile to her then, and say to her 'and we're just getting started…

And she would help wash Addison off, and help her dry off, and help her dress all again.

As Meredith washed herself off after she had come, and dried off, and got dressed again…

Meredith yawned as she crawled into bed again, contentedly.

She didn't even care that her hair was still wet, she just allowed herself to daydream for a few sweet, sweet moments before she drifted off into a deep, deep sleep this time...

* * *

Meredith liked to imagine that Addison had touched herself in the shower, earlier, and maybe even while thinking of HER…

What she didn't know then, though, is that Addison had actually not done the masturbation thing, in the shower, or otherwise.

Not out of shame, or of not wanting to think about Meredith in a sexual way.

But in all actuality of total ignorance how to actually 'touch herself'.

Addison, after Mark and after Derek and after all the boys and the bars had never learned this.

She had never had that conversation with her friends yet to date.

So despite Addison's own intense sexual frustrations, she never released them, just showered.

Addison HAD been thinking endlessly of Meredith in a very sexual way… She just had not known about this simple way to act on them without actually 'acting on them' with another person, ergo, with Meredith.

So after Addison had headed on out from the room, she had no way of knowing as she sat in her office that Meredith had been awake at all for any of the time she had been in that on-call room with her.

Much less knowing that Meredith had not only been awake and alert and had been thinking of her showering to the point she jumped in the shower right afterwards to touch herself...

That Meredith had had one of the best orgasms of recent times, picturing herself screwing Addison Montgomery in the shower that evening.

* * *

Addison had no idea that, as she got dressed in her office to head soon to the bar

That Meredith had had one of the most peaceful naps ever after having come so hard like she needed to.

And that Meredith would be awake, alert and enthusiastic then-

About whatever life had to throw at her later that night at the bar.

Even 'mystery-person-shaped-things' and 'Addison Montgomery-shaped-things'...

* * *

*

*

*

*****

*****

******* END OF CHAPTER 28**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Sorry the sex scene only happened inside of a dream sequence…and then a masturbation fantasy sequence thing that I really hope made some sense to someone.

Kudos to you if you caught on to that pretty damn quick the first part was all imaginary. LOL. I like a slow burn and we've all been more than patient.

But yeah they're not in a place to actually hook up yet, but I thought the audience deserved a bit of fun. This is part of a sequence I've wanted to write for this series for a while.

Yes, this was a callback to Private Practice "In Which Addison Finds a Showerhead."

Anyways, hope you enjoyed, feedback requested on the 'sex scene'. Yay or nay? Do you want more of that or less? Anything in particular?

(I promise I won't judge, I just posted a new chapter of "Red is the new Black." which is all about kinky sex, go check that out after this if you want - but what I'm saying is I really won't judge. )

There are things I will not write, however, (that are typical things) like:

Anything illegal, Rape, dubious consent, or drunken/drugged sex that is not clearly established for consent.

-Admittedly, I'm not big on M/F sex or M/M descriptive sex and I don't really want those to be a key feature for this F/F story. Apologies. But I feel like the fans are rooting for the gays anyhow...

(That's why it's only the F/F MerAdd scenes that are graphic.)

(So anything between the two of them - Addison and Meredith - I could be open to!)

Let me know!

Enjoy the next approximately 36-48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

Yes I know that this chapter is much shorter than recent ones, but It's late and I thought you might want a chapter like this, rather than nothing at all.

So, thank you in advance for the comments, from bobbiejelly.

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING ! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

* * *


	30. It's The End Of The World, Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meredith and Addison know, somehow, that today will be the end of the world for someone, somewhere.  
> And apparently, this time, unlike the last time, the power would be all in her hands...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ENJOY!

_Author's Note:_

_This one is short because I'm going to do my damndest to publish two chapters as soon as I can write them, and I thought I'd release this part earlier than usual as a_ _**teaser.** _

_I hope you enjoy, please leave a comment at the end :D_

_Thanks for the wonderful praise of yesterday's nonexistent sex._

_Who would have known that 'hypothetical love is not dead?'_

_(If you comment and understand that reference, I will love it.)_

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_**PREVIOUSLY ON "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING":** _

* * *

Addison had no idea that, as she got dressed in her office to head soon to the bar;

That Meredith had had one of the most peaceful naps ever after having come so hard like she needed to.

And that Meredith would be awake, alert and enthusiastic then-

About whatever life had to throw at her later that night at the bar.

Even 'mystery-person-shaped-things' and 'Addison Montgomery-shaped-things'...

* * *

_END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE._

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by me, bobbiejelly . NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 30: It's The End Of The World, Part One**

* * *

When Meredith wakes up from a most wonderful nap, she's feeling ecstatic.

She feels like she's rested a million years.

The last time she felt that well-rested was when she had been napping with Addison.

This time she's waking up alone, though, in an on-call room in the hospital.

Meredith checks her watch as she smiles. It was almost time to head to Joe's!

She couldn't wait to drink the day away with her friends.

And she couldn't wait to see the clothes that Addison had packed for her.

She almost wants to peek at them, but she realizes that Addison still had her backpack in her car.

So instead, Meredith wanders the halls in search of new scrubs, which she changes herself into.

Meredith decides that she can get out her evening clothes anytime, anyhow, when she heads to the bar because she still has Addison's keys attached to her own keychain.

Meredith enjoys the weight of the two of the keychains, and she runs her fingers over Addison's car keys.

She's feeling how the heavy weight to her boss's Mercedes' keys feels inside of her hands.

She decides that she likes it.

_(She REALLY, likes it...)_

* * *

As Meredith does this, she's filled with a sense of self-purpose and determination.

Somehow she feels something different is in the air tonight. Even different, only for HER.

Out of all of the recent trials and tribulations with Derek and with Addison and with Divorces (Addison's and Derek's…) and the Mystery Lover(s) and the Drunken Night(s)? And the Blackout(s)? and the Bar(s)?…

Meredith knows, somehow, someway that she'll get some clarity on all of that, soon.

She knows she can always ask Joe, the bartender, or his partner Walter, anyhow.

She can ask them who she was with that night.

She can ask them who is her goddamned 'mystery lover' and end this for once and for all.

She just wants to _know_ , now, even if she's 97% sure that she's made her choice.

She wants to know who it is; who she could be missing out on…

Meredith wants to know who this person is, in case they're still secretly pining for her…

Somehow, Meredith knows that today will be 'the end of the world', for someone, somehow, at least it would be 'the end of the world as they know it,' to be, now.

Meredith knows that no matter who this mystery lover ends up being - and, whichever answer Addison eventually gives her if she ever gathers up the courage to ask her out at all…

_Meredith knows, somehow, that today will be the end of the world for someone, somewhere. And apparently, this time, unlike the last time, the power would be all in her hands._

* * *

_(Wow, maybe I really am an arrogant whore, thinking everyone is pining for me and still loving it… Meredith thinks...)_

_(Maybe this is why I sort of liked having both Mrs. AND Mr. McDreamy having the hots for me at the same time when they did…)_

_(Maybe I shouldn't be so happy that people are falling at my feet to be jealous over me…)_

_(Yeah, well you're jealous that all of these hypothetical boys and girls are going to be ALL OVER ADDISON tonight because she's going to the bar for the first time since her official divorce papers are through and people are going to be swarming her like vultures…)_

_(Yeah, you might want to think about getting in there before she ends up falling into bed with someone else who isn't you…)_

_(Yeah, you might want to think about coming clean to her about your stupid 3% crush on your 'mystery lover' person, too, because it's not fair to her if she doesn't know you're still thinking about that person still a little bit, albeit less and less and less every day…)_

**As Meredith processes all of these thoughts, she can't wait to escape it all.**

**She can't wait to get out of this McHospital.**

**She can't wait to take a goddamned break from this 'game' or this godforsaken 'arena'.**

**Meredith knows that as soon as she does, that she knows she'll escape it today.**

**Somehow she knows she won't be spending another night in _this_ arena, not like this, at least, not without all the questions without any answers…**

* * *

"GREY!" Meredith hears a familiar voice calling her.

She wishes it was Addison's voice, but it isn't.

It's Miranda Bailey's voice; her 'I am your resident, not your friend like earlier today in the attendings' lounge', voice.

"Grey, I have a favor to ask of you" she begins in a way that she's implying she knows the answer will be 'yes' because of the things she's said to Meredith as a secret, today.

"Yes?" Meredith answers, willingly.

"It's for me, but it actually isn't…" Bailey begins to tell her.

"And it isn't for Derek, not really, anyways…" Bailey continues and all of this is making Meredith even more and more confused.

"Derek booked his time off from the hospital already, so he's not on-call. Plus there's still Dr. Nelson who can cover any emergencies in neuro... " Doctor Bailey begins.

"But as for Neonatal/Fetal, OB-GYN & Genetics... " Bailey trails off momentarily as Meredith's eyes shoot up in surprise once she realizes it's _Addison_ that Bailey is talking about.

"Doctor Montgomery was booked off as well, but there's no 'shadow Addie' to cover for her like 'shadow Shepherd' is around to cover for Derek" Bailey explains.

"She deserves the night off. She insisted she didn't need to drink and that she can work through it, but I am her friend, too, just like you are…" Bailey continues, acknowledging Meredith's friendship with Addison without making a big deal about it.

"She asked me to drive for her, just in case," Meredith holds up Addison's keys in understanding for Bailey.

"Addison's a smart girl. She's a grownup, thank goodness. She won't put anybody's life on the line…" Meredith smiles at Bailey's compliments towards Addison.

"She could do it, you know. I know, you know, I know, she could do it if she had to. She wasn't lying to me when she said she never had a drink so far and she wouldn't if she was still working…" Bailey continues in a way that confirms to Meredith what she already knew about Doctors drinking Alcohol occasionally in the hospital when they were not working.

"She shouldn't have to!" Meredith exclaims in understanding and also in passion.

"She just got a _divorce_. She should be allowed to drink herself under the table for two weeks if she wanted, without anyone judging her," Meredith exclaims, unknowingly, in the exact same words she had said once, directly to Addison, on the night Addison had first met her at the bar, which she could no longer remember...

"She shouldn't have to," Bailey confirms Meredith's sentiment softly.

* * *

"So, where do I come into this?" Meredith asks now, not quite catching Bailey's original question.

"She needs someone to be on call for those Pyloric Stenosis babies, for the night" Bailey explains to her.

"They asked me just then if I could keep someone on call, and I thought I'd ask you before bugging Addison, in case," Bailey begins.

"You wouldn't be operating, they're stable enough. The surgery is in the coming days, once they are ready. But the parents have requested a doctor be on-call, even an intern, in case they have any questions or need to take a break and go home for a few hours," Bailey explains to her.

"And you want _me_? Izzie and Cristina are assigned to that case..." Meredith asks her, surprised.

"Well, you see, Yang's already exceeded her hours for the week. Izzie's also very good with the babies, but she was on-call last night, as was Alex so it can't be either of them. George is on-call tomorrow so he's not a good choice… It just has to be _you_ ," Bailey says to her now.

And even though it was a completely professional matter, Meredith had a swelling sense of pride that she is the only one who can ' _save'_ Addison Montgomery, in a way, and to give her a nice night of peace after her brutal divorce paper signing with Derek.

And the super magic smile spreading across Meredith's face involuntarily - causes Bailey to chuckle-

Slightly _knowingly_ , at the Grey girl- Before asking her, finally, "So is that a yes, Grey?"

"You can count on me, Bailey! Addison can SO count on me!" Meredith exclaims to her.

"I'll let her know, then," Bailey says to her sweetly.

"You should check on those pyloric stenosis patients before you go, Grey," Bailey says to her.

"Go?" Meredith asks her.

"You can still go out with your friends, if you want, as long as you all go to the Emerald City Bar down the street and you take the car so you can get over, quickly, if you're called in for a consult," Bailey explains to her.

"I never said this before because I needed to know you were fully committed to the favor. But the thing is, there will be other doctors and nurses around if anything medical happens that's beyond your knowledge…" Bailey begins.

"As I said, you're there for the parents to answer surgical questions and to be there for them if they want to leave for a bit. So keep your pager on LOUD and answer it at a run, but know that you can still have a good time so long as you stay COMPLETELY SOBER and you don't do anything stupid like DRUGS," Bailey laughs.

"You'll have to stay overnight at the hospital, but you might have done that anyhow if you stay up late at the bar..." Bailey says to her.

"Okay, I guess I won't do all that weed I had saved up," Meredith smirks up at Bailey.

"Don't you start to get smart with me or I'll make George do it instead and put you on call tomorrow night and kick you off of Addison's surgical rotation, entirely," Bailey reasserts her position.

"I promise, I got this! I want to make Addison proud!" Meredith says to her excitedly.

"You better be thinking of making ME proud of you, too," Bailey says to her with a chuckle.

"I'm gonna be so Zen I'll be like GANDHI!" Meredith says to her.

* * *

"That's got to be an LA thing because I have no idea what you're talking about" Bailey laughs.

"Yeah, I think Addison said something about her friends in LA talking about it, probably chatting while we were going to get plant food earlier," Meredith tries to explain.

"You own a plant, together?" Bailey asks her, surprised. She knew they were close but she didn't know they were already THAT close. (Lesbian U-Hauling? Bailey wonders...)

"Well, no, it's my potted plant, in my kitchen, it's just been really not straight, and queer, and pretty, and flowery, and extending in different directions since the roots got all kinky when it got knocked over by someone or me when I was drunk, and Addison was over to my house when we picked up the cake…"

"And Addison noticed the plant looked hungry and thirsty so we drove to get plant food because she just couldn't let it be or let it go, or leave it to be all hurt and lonely and neglected…" Meredith tries to explain this to her even though Bailey still looked super skeptical.

"Look, Addison saw the plant for what it was worth and cared for it, and watered it, and talked with it and rubbed it soothingly with her fingers the other day while I was boxing up the cake, and she was just so loving and tender towards it… She has a thing for the plant, I guess," Meredith says to her, finally.

"Well, wow, I never knew Addison even had a green thumb. Must be this 'new leaf' she's been turning over these days. Seems her tastes have really changed. Now she likes Seattle, and Skittles, and Cheetos, and well, women, too," Bailey says all observantly.

"Maybe she just likes _my_ potted plant _in particular_ …" Meredith says a bit sheepishly.

"Well, whatever it is, I'm glad that Addison is taking care of you- I mean- _your potted plant_ \- for you, or with you... Or _whatever_."

"Addison, she's a really good person, that's all. And so are you, too, Grey." Bailey finally says to her.

And this is the closest thing Bailey would ever come to acknowledge to Meredith or to Addison about what she had already started to figure out about these two women's budding relationship.

"Thanks, she really is." Meredith takes the compliment FOR Addison and it makes Bailey smile at how even Meredith didn't realize she was doing this, even after.

"Well, you finish getting changed when you're ready, and keep your scrubs and white coat at the ready" Bailey says to her, finally.

"I will, I won't let Addison - Doctor Montgomery I mean - or You - or the Parents - Down!" Meredith finally exclaims to her.

"Have a good evening, and send best wishes to Addison, for me, let her know that I'm thinking of her," Bailey says.

"I will, if I see her," Meredith says then to Bailey. _(God, I sure hope I see her! Meredith thinks.)_

"You don't have to tell her you're doing this for HER if you don't want to, or at least not right away," Bailey offers to Meredith.

"You can keep it a secret and say to her that I made you," Bailey offers in case Meredith wants this.

"That would be great, Bailey," Meredith says with a smile.

* * *

"Oh, and Bailey, I'm doing this for Addison, but I'm doing this for you, too. I know you had a hard day today," Meredith says quite compassionately.

"Thanks, Grey," Bailey says to her.

"You know, I knew your mother and she was an exceptional surgeon. And I think you'll be just as good as her one day if you work hard. But you can be all that and still, this, too," Bailey says to her.

"This?" Meredith asks her.

"Compassionate. You really care for people. You're empathetic in that you feel other people's pain. It's a beautiful thing…" Bailey says to her.

"You know, you're always tough on us, but you're compassionate and empathetic too. You've always been there for me and I'm just-" Meredith starts to apologize before Bailey cuts her off again.

"We accept the love we think we deserve, Bailey," Meredith says to her with big blue eyes.

"I could say the same for you, too, Grey. We accept the love we think we deserve…"

"Thank-You," says Meredith, breathlessly as Meredith looks down now.

"You really are," Bailey says to her, as Meredith's eyes snap back up to her.

"Really am?" Meredith asks about her incomplete sentence.

"You are extraordinary, Grey. And don't you forget it, no matter what anyone else says," She offers as Meredith is touched by this.

"Well I better get going,' says Bailey. "I have patients to check on. I'll see you for rounds tomorrow morning at the latest," Bailey smiles.

And as she walks away, Bailey smiles at Meredith, holding two sets of keys in her hands, one of them her own, ( _and one of them, apparently, 'the keys to her heart…')_

_(Even if Meredith didn't even have the awareness to know that, quite yet, for herself…)_

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

The boys are actually having shower sex in the next room, which Meredith must have been hearing in her dreams.

She almost walks in on them when she goes in to put on her white coat again, but she doesn't, gratefully.

She's jealous that SOMEONE is having ACTUAL, SHOWER SEX when she hadn't been.

But Meredith gets it together to go out to check on her new patients and their parents.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Miranda Bailey finds Addison still eating cake in her office when she explains to her that she's off duty.

"Go out or go home, Addison, but you ain't stayin' here right now," Bailey explains to her.

"But the pyloric stenosis babies…?" Addison says to her.

"Already covered. I have my ways. Someone owed a favor to someone, that's all." Bailey begins.

"And they were more than happy to do it. So get on something nicer than that and give yourself a night out. Hell knows you deserve it, now," Bailey says to her knowingly.

"Thanks," Addison says to her.

"I'd offer you a drink of my secret Gin, Bailey, but you're…" Addison regrets bringing this up but Bailey says that it's fine.

"I'm alright, Addison," Bailey says to her then.

"You should wait until the bar to get plastered, though, don't drink your stash by yourself in your office, not tonight. Not tonight..." Bailey warns her, then continues.

"Somehow I know you might want to have a few gin and tonics, and at least if you're at Joe's tonight I know he'll keep an eye out for you," Bailey says with a smile.

"Joe seems to be very good at making sure people get home safe…" Addison says to her idly, as Bailey leaves her alone.

Addison puts on an outfit she has on her coat rack as she hangs up her white coat and her hospital clothes.

As Addison sits down in her office, pondering for a moment before she heads out...

* * *

As Addison does this, she's filled with a sense of self-purpose and determination.

Somehow she feels something different is in the air tonight. Even different, only for HER.

Out of all of the recent trials and tribulations with Derek and with Meredith and with Divorces (Hers and Derek's…) and the Mystery Lover(s) and the Drunken Night(s)? And the friend's Blackout(s)? and the Bar(s)?…

Addison knows, somehow, someway that she'll get some clarity on all of that, soon.

Addison knows she can always ask Joe, the bartender, or his partner Walter, anyhow.

Addison can ask them why they sent her home with her that night.

She can ask them to help her reveal to Meredith just who is her goddamned 'mystery lover' and end this for once and for all.

She just wants her to _know_ , now, even if she's 97% sure that she's made her choice.

She wants her to know who it is; who she could be missing out on…

Addison wants her to know who this person is, in case she's still secretly pining for the 'mystery person' who just happens to be her…

Somehow, Addison knows that today will be 'the end of the world', for someone, somehow, at least it would be 'the end of the world as they know it,' to be, now.

Addison knows that no matter how this mystery lover confession ends up being - and, whichever answer Meredith eventually gives her if she ever gathers up the courage to ask her out at all…

_Addison knows, somehow, that today will be the end of the world for someone, somewhere. And apparently, this time, unlike the last time, the power would be all in her hands._

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Meredith meets with the Pyloric Stenosis Babies' Parents.

They have a LOT of questions for her and she answers them all enthusiastically.

She's there for a long while before they say they'll just page her if there's something they need from her.

Meredith decides she really likes these parents, and the cute (though GROSS, babies...) and that they really deserve some happiness.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Addison reaches for her keys, now, readying herself to head out, but she can't find them, and she remembers Meredith has them.

Addison realizes she can't drive home anyhow, and she has the key to her hotel room in her pocket and her hospital pass anyhow, so she simply smiles.

She imagines in her head at how this time it's Meredith who can have the experience of having another person's keys on their set, and wonders if Meredith would run her thumb and her fingers over her keys to her car the same way she did with the one to Meredith's house.

That black Mercedes was the closest thing she had to a home in Seattle…

Addison thinks she really should find an apartment, maybe soon, but decides not to worry about this as she puts on her heels to walk out of her office.

**As Addison processes all of these thoughts, she can't wait to escape it all.**

**She can't wait to get out of this McHospital.**

**She can't wait to take a goddamned break from this 'game' or this godforsaken 'arena'.**

**Addison knows that as soon as she does, that she knows she'll escape it today.**

**Somehow she knows she won't be spending another night in _this_ arena, not like this, at least, not without all the questions without any answers…**

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Meredith heads to the car park and opens up Addison's Mercedes and gets her backpack from the trunk.

Meredith wants to open the bag up, right then and there, but she doesn't.

Instead, she gets into Addison's car first and closes all the blinds on the windows so she can take out the evening clothes and change into them privately.

Meredith takes a deep breath before opening the zipper.

She wants to savor this moment; the moment before and after she knows what Addison has packed her.

Meredith can't stand the anticipation of knowing that Addison had had her nimble fingers on her outfit.

That she'd picked it out _just for her_ …

That she'd picked it out just so she could see Meredith wear it…

_("I haven't seen it on YOU…" Addison had whispered in her ear and Meredith swears she thinks that Addison had been about to nibble on her earlobe, had they not been interrupted by Cristina and Izzie bursting into the kitchen…)_

As Meredith unwraps the package as if it were a gift, she smiles at the first part which is her 'Dartmouth' hoodie, a raincoat, tights and socks.

_('In case I get cold…' Meredith thinks to herself… Addison sure is so thoughtful…)_

She pulls out the pajamas and extra hospital clothes and even her toothbrush and toothpaste…

_('Wow, Addison really has done this all before. And she wanted me to be prepared as if she knew I could get paged to stay at the hospital…' Meredith tries to imagine.)_

She pulls out a random assortment of extra undergarments that are laid in there.

_('Best to be prepared I guess. I wonder if Addison was ever a girl scout or a girl guide or a cadet…')_

And finally, at the very bottom of this meticulously packed backpack, Meredith finds what she is looking for.

All of the clothes were folded expertly neatly. But this bundle is special, Meredith can just _tell_.

First, she feels the weight of her low kitten heels that she'd had on her floor.

_('Wow, I can't believe she even found both of them…' Meredith thinks to herself, sheepishly.)_

* * *

And then Meredith _gasps_ when she pulls out the rest. It's her blue form-fitted dress, wrapped around a star-shaped necklace from her jewelry box. A beautiful outfit, so simple, yet sweet.

Meredith had never thought about wearing those three things together, but now she sees them all together in a bundle...Meredith thinks of them all like puzzle pieces, snapping right into place.

_('A puzzle that only Addison could ever assemble…')_

As Meredith unfolds the set completely, thee more pieces fall out of it. The first is her nude lace bra, which Meredith has always thought of as her very favorite.

The second is her black lace pair of panties, that she saves for special occasions because they make her feel sexy.

And the thought of Addison having had her hands on all of her underwear, and then finally picking out her _sexiest_ _pair_ is really driving Meredith wild right now.

_('Had ADDISON been turned on at the thought of me in my black sexy underwear?' Meredith dared hope to imagine…)_

And then she finally examines the final item that had fallen out of the package.

This one is the most curious to Meredith because it is not an item of her own.

It's a tube of red lipstick, the same tone of the one that she thought Addison must wear.

She opens it up and it's almost completely new, it had only been used once before.

She wonders if this was an accidental inclusion if it had fallen out of Addison's pocket while she was packing the bag.

But then she thinks again at that because if it had fallen it would have been unlikely to fall exactly inside of the panties and bra, further inside of her dress.

_('Addison just gave me a lipstick!' Meredith thinks to herself. 'Maybe THIS is what Addison meant as a surprise...' Meredith thinks to herself. And she runs her fingers over it all again.)_

Meredith turns the lipstick over into her hands as she finds some words written on the bottom of it. The brand name is way too fancy for Meredith to even recognize.

But there's an inscription for what the shade is supposed to be called: "Elevator Love Letter," it reads.

* * *

_('How ROMANTIC' Meredith thinks to herself. 'It sounds like, I don't know, it should be the title of a poem about a proposal or something…' Meredith thinks to herself… 'It's REALLY beautiful…" Meredith thinks all again…)_

She knows that it was Addison's, once because it has a decal label with "A.M." printed on it in black Arial font.

She wonders if this means that Addison would one day want it back, even temporarily, to see again. And then she thinks if this means that Addison wanted her to know it was _hers_ and that she wanted her just to KEEP IT, or if this means that Addison just had these sticky labels on all of her makeup because it was all so bourgeois she didn't want to have someone mix it up…

_(Meredith didn't know then, but would eventually find out, that all three of her theories had been true simultaneously…)_

So Meredith repacks the bag as well as she could. She doesn't have the laser precision in folding clothing that Addison does. She packs the sweater, raincoat, toothbrush, toothpaste, extra panties, pajamas, extra clothes, extra undergarments, everything, really other than the evening wear.

And Meredith brings the dress to her face and inhales the sweet scent of Addison's perfume or natural scent or all of the above that has latched onto it. And Meredith takes all her clothes off and slips into these fresh ones.

She enjoys every second of putting the lace bra and panties on, imagining it was Addison who had just helped to undress her and then helped her to get dressed again. She imagines what it would be like if Addison was snapping on her bra and slipping the blue dress over her head.

Meredith imagines Addison settling the form-fitting dress over her head and lacing the necklace onto the back of her neck. If Addison was here right now, Meredith would have asked her to put on the necklace, with big blue eyes; as if she couldn't manage it herself.

She would ask for help from Addison just to feel her cool fingertips on her skin. Since she's given Addison that massage the other day, Meredith has been wondering what Addison's hands would feel like untangling the muscles of _her_ neck and shoulders…

* * *

And once Meredith is finally satisfied with the dress and the kitten-heel shoes and the necklace, Meredith finally looks in the mirror of the driver's seat of the car. She takes out the lipstick, her tube of 'Elevator Love Letter' that Addison had miraculously provided for her.

She inhales the scent before she ran her finger over it and tasted her finger onto her tongue. The tart sweetness and complexity is more and more what Meredith imagines Addison's lips would taste like on hers.

She knows that Addison has used this lipstick already; just like their shared sodas; just like their shared Pad Thai; this was an indirect kiss. And it is making Meredith go completely insane.

Meredith applies the lipstick, slowly and surely into the mirror. She rubs her lips all over each other to rub in the makeup and smiles widely when she observes the result.

The color suits her, she wouldn't have guessed that it would. Sure, Addison and Meredith both have pale skin, but the resemblances mostly stop there, Meredith thinks to herself.

"Wow," Meredith says even aloud. The lipstick shade really puts the outfit together, Meredith thinks as she looks at her reflection from a fuller profile in the passenger seat window.

Meredith can't wait to show Addison 'her outfit' - well, 'Addison's outfit' - well, 'Addison's outfit FOR Meredith' - Meredith finally settles on.

Meredith can't wait for Addison to be surprised, as she said she would be, in seeing her in her dress and her necklace and her heels and Addison's lipstick... _(And her sexy underwear, but she hadn't figured out quite yet if Addison was going to see THOSE, that night, yet…)_

As Meredith finally closes her backpack and pulls out of the parking lot, Meredith puts on some music to cut through the silence of Addison's car right now. And idly, Meredith hums along to the song 'Broken' by Lifehouse _(Apparently, that's what's on Addison's CD player first, anyhow.)._

And as she listens to the words, and eventually learns the tune enough to sing along to it, Meredith leads herself out of the dark of the parking garage, into the night, and into the parking lot of Emerald City bar, where she was looking forward to talking to both Joe and Addison.

And she hopes the exchange will eventually fill the void that Meredith feels right now, as she drives inside Addison's car alone while wishing she was accompanying her in the seat next to her.

Meredith wishes she could call Addison, but she doesn't have her number.

Well, of course, she doesn't. Most people don't have their boss's number.

But she wishes she could call Addison. So she calls the next-best-person, to her, instead...

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Izzie and Cristina went to the cafeteria, earlier, and had something light. They then helped Meredith and George and Alex and the others, etc. with disassembling the decorations. But when the slipped off together at around the same time as the boys, they hadn't gone off to an on-call room to have sex;

They went out together to the Italian restaurant on Bank street that Addison had one time suggested to were still thinking about sex, of course. About having sex for the first time with each other. But they were enjoying the banter and enjoying the waiting. The flirting, the making out, and the kissing.

The waiting was almost over for them, but they liked that they had had a long time to bond and to be friends before jumping into bed with each other. And they liked that they were going the - perhaps traditional route - of going for dinner, this being at least their third date - before finally consummating their relationship with each other.

Over dinner though, Izzie doesn't want to wait for about one other thing with Cristina. She brings up the subject of Addison's extra key again, as well as Meredith's lost one. "Are those things interconnected, Cristina?" Izzie finally asks her. "Because I think they are, and I don't know WHY I think that, or how. I just think that they are, and I'm really asking, now."

Izzie insists on Cristina because she really does want to know. She says that yes, Meredith is Cristina's person, and she should keep her secrets for her. But Izzie is becoming Cristina's girlfriend, and if Izzie is going to trust her with her body, she wants her to trust her with this.

Cristina considers Izzie's arguments, and she finds them compelling. She thinks of a way she can please everyone, and stay true to the promises she's made. Cristina eventually says to Izzie, that she's been sworn to some secrets, and that she doesn't want to confirm or deny anything. But she says that Izzie has an excellent eye for detail and that that is that.

And then Izzie continues on again to say (in what SHE believes, is a total change of subject but Cristina knows that it really is not at all): "you know, after seeing them driving together in Addison's car the other day, I think Meredith and Addison could be really cute together!"

And Cristina asks Izzie why she might think this, and Izzie says that they seem to really trust each other. They light up for each other. They take care of each other; I mean Addison is picking Meredith's clothes out and Meredith ran off after her when Addison seemed to be feeling ill the other day during their game.

"They just seem to have some bond. I don't know if it has something to do with the fact that they both once dated Doctor Shepherd?" Izzie thinks about it a little. "Or that they both are just really empathetic, compassionate, and naturally giving, people?" Izzie thinks about it more.

"Mmm," Cristina answers noncommittally. "You know, you really are sweet you know" Cristina sighs as she wishes she could tell Izzie everything on her mind. "Thanks, Cristina," says Izzie.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

By this time, George and Alex are still not at Joe's bar, because they are still screwing in the shower as they finally check the time out.

As they talk between rounds, catching their breath and just kissing, they discuss the 'mystery scarf girl' saying if they ever see the girl in the red and green scarf lady again, and that it wasn't ACTUALLY Addison the way they thought it was:

Then they should totally both ask her out and proposition her for a threesome with them.

Sure, they'd been turned down by Doctor Montgomery, before, for a threesome. But maybe the 'mystery scarf redhead' wasn't her and maybe it wasn't even the same scarf that Addison was talking about. Maybe this person, if it wasn't Addison, would be down for some boy-boy-girl-action.

Because they would be interested in trying that, and Izzie and Cristina already said no, and Meredith was probably caught up in some McDreamy drama _(little did they know about the Ms. McDreamy drama that was about to start unfolding…)_ so she probably wouldn't, either.

She was smokin' HOT for a woman, in their memories, they thought (not like, actually smoking something, it was an _adjective_...). The person sneaking around their house that day. Seriously, totally was HOT. And though Addison did say she'd had a scarf that matched their description, having a scarf that was 'red and green' isn't exclusive to one woman in Seattle.

And plus, even if this 'mystery scarf person WAS their Doctor Addison Forbes Montgomery, why the hell would Addison be sneaking around their house that short while ago and examining their doormat?

Did Addison have a secret _thing_ for doormats? Or for sneaking around strangers/colleagues' houses while hiding behind red and green scarves over her face? Or for looking really freaked out during daylight then running AWAY from their house in a panic?

See, it just didn't make any sense at all to them. They had no idea about Meredith's conundrum, or of Cristina's knowledge, or about Izzie's intuition. They only had their discussions with each other and the one talk with Addison while they were operating on John.

And in that, Addison seemed totally normal... Normal, I mean, for a newly out lesbian who just got a divorce with McDreamy, anyhow. But she didn't seem like she would be the type to have a secret doormat obsession. But who knows, people are obsessed with all sorts of things, these days…

(And then they think maybe it was the Lesbian thing, why Addison had not had a threesome with them. Or maybe the fact that she hadn't been divorced at the time.. Maybe they could ask her again for some sex now that she is newly single… They think they might…)

They decide to table this discussion about Addison and 'mystery scarf chick' and threesomes and sneaking around and obsessions. And they go for one more round with each other before they get dressed and finally end up walking themselves there to the Emerald City Bar.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

**A female figure walks into the Emerald City bar now; Joe's Bar.**

She's ready and wanting to ask some tough questions about what went on here the other night.

She's willing to find out some truths, and sort out her feelings.

She's finally starting to admit to herself who she is, who she was, and who she really wants to be in the future.

She's staring Joe right in the face as she walks in the door…

Determined to win or to lose it all tonight, to finally learn what Joe and Walter had been thinking.

The woman knew that he knew everything and everything to know.

And everything and anything she could possibly ask them would help her.

And that at the end of tonight, it would be the 'end of the world' for someone, somewhere, somehow.

That, someone, was about to be heartbroken, and someone was about to be saved.

And that she had no clue on earth, yet, which one _she would be_ , and who would be the _other._

* * *

*****

*****

*****

*****

*****

******* END OF CHAPTER 30**

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

_Whew! Glad that this is FINALLY published! Thanks for your reviews on the last 'sexy' chapter!_

_As an insight into an author's mind; This chapter was actually one of the very first ones to be storyboarded. It was designed as early as after having written Chapter 5 or 6. Just there was so much that I felt had to have happened before 'tonight' that I didn't want to rush it._

_I know this is a tough cliffhanger… But we're getting there, we're getting there._

_This IS the crux of the story, and it's a delicate web to weave._

_There were a lot of last-minute additions, extras, to add._

_Let me know what you think of this one, as always._

_Lots of moving parts here, a lot of plot._

_And a whole lot of maybe…_

_And also hope…_

_Thank-_

_You_

_Yours, truly, bobbiejelly_

* * *

**THANKS FOR READING, LEAVE A NOTE IT WILL MAKE MY DAY! :D**

* * *

_Is it the end of the world as we know it? For Addison and Meredith?_

_Read along to the next chapter (coming hopefully really soon!)_

_To find out…._

_Thanks!_

_bobbiejelly_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, nothing new other than this from me, today, so far.  
> This is out 'early' by my usual timeline,  
> In an attempt to perhaps publish another chapter today!
> 
> ENCOURAGE ME IN THE COMMENTS AND WE'LL SEE :D


	31. It's The End Of The World, Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Important conversations are had, between women, and Joe, and Walter, at Emerald City Bar. And oh, there are lots of other cool doctor friends hanging around Seattle, too. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, friends. Not even too late at night. Enjoy leave a note :D

_Author's Note 1:_

_Question for you readers: Have you ever heard of the term "leaning on the fourth wall?"_

_Because I'm a bit weary from all this writing and I think I need something to lean on…_

_Here's a new chapter for you all, thanks for the feedback on yesterday's short one._

_As well as some appreciation for some past chapters as well :)_

_LOVING the comments, the PM's and the dedications :D_

_Let me know if you like it!_

_Hope you do,_

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_**PREVIOUSLY ON "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING":** _

* * *

_A female figure walks into Emerald City bar now._

_She's ready and wanting to ask some tough questions about what went on here the other night._

_She's willing to find out some truths, and sort out her feelings._

_She's finally starting to admit to herself who she is, who she was and who she really wants to be in the future._

_She's staring Joe right in the face as she walks in the door…_

_Determined to win or to lose it all tonight, to finally learn what Joe and Walter had been thinking._

_The woman knew that he knew everything and everything to know._

_And everything and anything she could possibly ask them would help her._

_And that at the end of tonight, it would be the 'end of the world' for someone, somewhere, somehow._

_That, someone, was about to be heartbroken, and someone was about to be saved._

_And that she had no clue on earth, yet, which one_ _ **she would be,**_ _and who would be the_ _ **other.**_

* * *

_END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE._

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by me, bobbiejelly . NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 31: It's The End Of The World, Part Two.**

* * *

The female figure who walks into the bar right now to ask Joe and Walter all sorts of questions is **not** wearing a blue form-fitting dress, a star-shaped necklace, kitten heels along with Addison's lipstick.

Instead, the female figure who walks into the bar right now to ask Joe and Walter all sorts of questions is wearing a mostly red but also green scarf.

The very same one that Alex and George might remember from Addison having worn it when she had been sneaking around the neighborhood and returned Meredith's key, then, to under her doormat.

"Well if it isn't Addison," Joe and Walter welcome Addison into the bar in a pleasant surprise.

"Did you get my messages?" Addison panics and asks them immediately, still panting a bit from walking as fast as she could in her heels from the hospital.

"We did," They say to her then.

"And?" Addison asks her.

"She hasn't been here since that night anyhow, Meredith isn't here tonight. Not yet, at least," Joe and Walter both offer to her.

And Addison looks around in surprise as she realizes they're right.

_(At this time, Meredith is far from finished being stopped by Bailey, being asked for a favor, packing her things, almost walking in on the boys, checking on the patients and their parents, getting her backpack and painstakingly slowly dressing in all her clothes and applying her lipstick… Meredith is still in the car-park by the time Addison has first arrived at Joe's bar…)_

What's your first drink going to be? Joe asks her now, and motions for her to sit down.

"Gin and Tonic," she says confidently; Addison doesn't drink scotch without Derek.

"Coming right up," Joe says, motioning for Walter to pass him a can of tonic.

Addison reaches to pull out her credit card, but Joe waves Addison's hand away from his.

"This one's already been paid for," Joe explains in a deadpan.

"Huh?" Addison says in confusion.

"It's from 'your secret admirer' whoever that happens to be" Joe just shrugs at her.

"What?!" Addison exclaims to him, incredulously and in surprise.

Already SHE WAS a secret admirer and Meredith thought of her as her mystery person.

And now SHE HAD a 'secret admirer' of her own, buying her secret drinks at Joe's bar…

_(Addison's head is starting to spin with the drama and she's staring blankly on into nowhere.)_

"Can't give you any more than that, someone swore us to secrecy" Joe only shrugs.

_('Dear lord, someone ELSE wanting to get into my pants… As if I don't have enough drama with divorcing Derek and lusting after his ex-girlfriend/mistress, Meredith Grey…')_

_('Normally it could be a compliment but this is starting to be a sort of a hindrance…I have my reasons…')_

_('Wow, you really are hung up on some Meredith-shaped reasons if you can't even handle the thought of someone else buying you free booze…')_

"Umm, thanks, I guess…" Addison doesn't even try to feign interest in her 'secret admirer'.

_(Probably some desperate man or something, family member or staff of the hospital...Addison thinks to herself.)_

_(Okay now there is SOME like 3% curiosity...Addison thinks to herself.)_

_(But surely they couldn't be a better choice than Meredith? Or maybe they could be someone like really magical????)_

_(Get it together, Addison, you are here to ask a question about Joe's loyalties, right? Not to just bask in the attention you're getting as a newly single woman who is now more than straight!)_

* * *

"So about ME, swearing YOU BOTH to secrecy! Addison waves her hands in a panic.

"Is that STILL a THING?" Addison freaks out at them, then.

"Yes, it is; relax, Montgomery," Walter says to her soothingly.

"How is she?" Joe asks Addison, then.

"Meredith Grey?" Addison clarifies to him.

"Yeah, that's the blonde intern who was here with you the other night, right?" Joe asks her.

"Yeah, but that's a secret," Addison says sharply to them.

"Of course, but no one here now, not that you know anyhow. We just want to make sure she got home okay," Joe says to her, softly.

"Oh." Addison says to them first.

"She did," Addison says, before looking down at the floor.

"Thanks for doing that I know you didn't have to - given who you are to each other…" Joe says to Addison, now.

"What?" Addison says in confusion. She's wondering whether or not he's talking about the whole 'mystery person ordeal' even though there was no way he should be able to know about that.

"Well, she WAS your ex-husband's girlfriend/mistress, at the time, anyways, and she was waiting for him to show up for him when you arrived, that night…" Joe explains to Addison as if she's forgotten.

And truthfully, Addison almost had forgotten, by this point, that Meredith had at one point been, at least a caricature of her then-husband's "dirty mistress" or "lusty intern" or _whatever_.

But even that night, based on what Derek did to her - did to them both - by not making a decision and what he did to her even before that - when he lied to Meredith by omission by not saying he was married… Addison had never hated her at all.

Maybe she had hated the idea of her, but as much as she tried, Meredith was just _so_ …

_('Sweet and lovely. She was extremely bright and empathetic and compassionate. She saved patients every day and she saved Addison and her friends on multiple occasions from extreme embarassment. She was just REALLY HARD TO HATE YOU KNOW…and beautiful too…')_

"She is, you know. Empathetic and compassionate, at least. I don't know her that well so you'd know more about the rest of those things…" Walter says to Addison, sweetly.

"What?" Addison furrowed her brow.

"OHMYGOD!" Addison exclaims in a panic. "DID I JUST SAY ALL OF THAT _OUT LOUD_?"

"You did, sorry, Addison…" Joe says to Addison sheepishly.

"You know, it wasn't a problem, really it wasn't any trouble, she wasn't any trouble, she was easy to take care of…" Addison trails off a bit in the memory.

"But I've been keeping that night a secret from the interns, especially her...But one already knows and the rest might find out soon enough if I don't figure all of this out.." Addison sighs.

* * *

"Is it really the end of the world if they do find out about it? If SHE does?" Joe asks her.

"Well, I have to tell her myself eventually before- Well I just do. She'll be mad I've been lying but I just didn't want her to like me out of obligation or become a hero or object of worship or something untouchable, you know? I didn't need the credit and it was all so complicated and there was never a good time, and I just..." Addison trails off, then as Joe begins to formulate his thoughts.

"See, over the course of the evening, way back then, I think you might actually have enjoyed her company. Even I could see that," Joe says to her.

And it's fascinating to Addison because she's played and replayed every inch of that night over and over in her memory, but she's never had another person's perspective to compare it to.

"That night, when she laughed, you smiled like it was the funniest thing in the world," Joe says to her.

"You let her buy you drinks. You never let anyone else do that for you," Joe says.

"I didn't know you'd remember that," Addison says.

He's referring to the few times prior that Addison had found herself alone at the Emerald City bar. Both women and men had offered her drinks, then, but she had just flashed her wedding ring in their faces and declined.

"You always said no. To everyone," Joe explains.

"I guess maybe I felt lonely because I wasn't wearing the ring anymore," Addison says, unsure herself.

"I have no idea. But you felt something for her then. Compassion. Empathy. Shared experience maybe?" Joe tries to understand it all but he's outside of it all.

"I guess, I came to the bar that night because I felt like I should tell her my ass of an ex-husband wasn't going to be her McDreamy," Addison shrugs as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Mc?" Joe raises an eyebrow.

"It's just a thing we do at the hospital here, McNaming. It's sort of like my ex-husband Derek was McDreamy, and sometimes people called him a McBastard… And things spiraled from there." Addison shrugs again.

"I think I remember this now. Meredith threw in a few 'McNames' into your conversation but she was so drunk I wasn't sure if she was making sense to anyone," Joe says.

"I understood her," Addison says, in a way that made it sound like a much more profound statement than she had originally intended.

"You know, I think you really did, you were exactly the person she needed there for her at that moment. I don't think anyone else would have the same shraed experience to be able to know what she was feeling at that moment and to be able to comofort her." Joe says softly.

"The thing is, though, she was trying to comfort me the whole time. That's what kills me. She apologizes in a way that she takes on other people's burdens. She offered me a seat at the bar next to her as if she _knew_ that my voice would break if I had to keep talking…" Addison says.

Then she takes a long sip of her Gin and Tonic now as she tries to reign herself in.

"So, aren't you at least a _little bit_ curious about who your 'secret admirer' could be?" Joe asks her, cautiously.

"Not really. I'm like 97% sure I don't care." Addison says.

"I'm sort of hung up on someone else…" Addison admits, finally.

"I'm going to take a wild guess and say that this person is NOT your ex-husband?" Joe asks her, seriously.

"NO! NOT DEREK! NOT AGAIN!" Addison exclaims waving her arms around.

"He's a good guy, just not for me, that's all…" Addison says a little more calmly.

"Well, that's more interesting. Someone else catching your eye, I see," Joe plays along, even though he has an idea just who she is talking about.

"Are you going to give me any names?" Joe asks teasingly.

"No." Says Addison flatly.

* * *

"Ok. So do you want to talk, then?" Joe asks her.

"Why did you only call us one cab, me and Meredith, that night?" Addison asks him.

_(It should have sounded like a change of topic, even if it actually isn't… Addison thinks to herself…)_

_(About how she's sort of only half telling the truth to Walter and Joe now.)_

"They were backed up," Joe says the same thing to her, then.

"Bullshit!" Addison swears at him.

"Right. Well, I had a feeling she might have blacked out. She had a certain glazed over quiality to her eyes. You wouldn't have known that since you hadn't seen her druken before. But I had. And I didn't want to take any chances with her going home with someone who was going to take advantage of her in that state, or her not getting home safetly at all," Joe says to her simply.

"And how did you know I wasn't going to take advantage of her?" Addison asks him.

_(Not because she would have. At that point, liking women was the farthest thing from her mind. And even if she had subconsciously known something about her attraction to girls, she would have NEVER slept with someone new while they were drunk. EVER. Not in a million years...)_

_(But she wanted to hear what Joe was going to say to her… So she listened.)_

"Well, I know this might be kind of a strange answer, but you helped her when she had gotten sick. And that's not something people usually do for one-night hookups they hadn't even propositioned, yet" Joe tries to explain.

"I'm a DOCTOR. I deal with it all the time. Tomorrow, even I have these pyloric stenosis babies who- Well, anyways I'm a doctor. Instinct, that's all-" Addison tries to downplay the heroicism of her past actions.

"You helped her walk out of there. You had your arms around her but not in a creepy or suggestive way. Plus I mean you weren't divorced officially yet, and she had JUST been left behind by your ex-husband who she was dating or not dating right until that evening, so I didn't think much would happen between you two at that point. Plus you'd basically just met her…" Joe explains rather uncannily.

_(Wow, has it really been that long since I've been to Joe's, last? Addison wonders. I guess it has because I havn't been here since that night with Meredith. And it's true, so much has happened and NOT HAPPENED between us since then; it's hard to remember that at that point our only conection was that Derek had been someoneto both of us or something, somehow… Back then…)_

"Look, here's the thing. I'm a bartender. I've always been a bartender and a bar owner. And Walter has been by my side for a long time. We've seen things before. We have a lot of regrets from times when we'd wished we'd done a lot of things. But since then, we learned when we SHOULD do a lot of things…" Joe tries to explain to her.

"We know when someone is long past the _gone_ …" Joe explains with a pang of sadness.

* * *

"Meredith was ' _long past the gone' that night and you never SAID!?_ " Addison wants to shriek at him, now.

"We didn't know at the beginning, just after the last call when you cared for her. We're boys if you havn't noticed so we didn't want to go into the women's washroom to find you. And we weren't going to put her in a cab home by herself when she could hadly stand up" Joe keeps saying.

"But we weren't going to outright ask you, not because we were afraid you'd say no, but because we wanted to spare Meredith's dignity and her feelings at the time. That's why I nodded at you over her shoulder," Joe finally says.

"So it WAS on purpose!" Addison exclaims to her.

"There's a lot more to bartending than meets the eye, Addison," Joe says to her.

Walter pipes in then, to give the analogy of how surgeons check to make sure a patient has someone to pick them up after surgery before they begin.

"It's just the way it is, part of doing a good job. I'm proud of him, for stuff like this," Walter says, smiling up at Joe, now.

"You are good at your job…" Addison says to him idly.

"Look, I know alcohol and it affects people. Alcohol doesn't change people's instincts; it just increases them and lowers inhibitions. For you, we could already see there was a part of you that wanted to nurture her. You cared for her, plain and simple. So we figured you were someone she could grow into trusting… Even if, at that moment, the only person she needed to count on is you," Joe finally says to her.

"But what if I'm not actually someone she SHOULD grow into trusting?" Addison says all uncertainly to Joe.

"Why? Are you lying to her?" Joe asks her flat out.

"Well, I stil haven't told her the truth about what happened that night. She has no idea. I left her a note saying 'thanks for the memories' and a glass of water and aspirin. And she's basically her and her friend had this 'criminal minds' or 'csi' investigation about who the hell it could be. And Meredith still doesn't know…" Addison says.

"And do you want her to know? I mean you wanted to take her home to put her to bed. You're a strong, independant, and smart woman, Addison. If you didn't want to do it you would have said so," Joe says to her, and Addison knows he is right.

"Well, what if all that, it was the alcohol talking?" Addison resorts to.

"Alcohol usually makes people want to screw people too fast, not to carry them home to sleep." Joe says bluntly.

" **Plus you didn't even know you were gay back then**. So I don't think you were thinking about screwing her at the time..." Joe chuckles as he says this to her all a sudden.

* * *

"HOW DID YOU KNOW I AM GAY NOW?" Addison exclaims. Sure, she's come out to some people but not the entire city of Seattle…

"Gay news travels fast, welcome to the club…" Joe says simply to her.

"Did you always know I was gay? Or kinda gay? Or Bisexual? Or…."

_(Addison trails off before she can say something stupid like 'did you always know I was GREY-SEXUAL…)_

"97% sure. Upon first meeting you. And after only made us more and more sure." Joe deadpans.

"MORE SURE? HOW?" Addison is flailing again, which makes Joe take her drink away from her until she calms down and pouts until he gives it back to her.

"Well, even before that night, you were always friendly with women at the bar. And sometimes they would flirt with you. And I guess subconsciously sometimes you'd flirt back with them or at least respond to their flirting. Plus if women had their hands on you, even platonically, you kind of let them mold you under their touch, in a good way..." Joe delivers an assessment that is terrifyingly similar to Derek's.

Similar enough that Addison asks him that, flat out.

"No, Derek never talked to me about you," Joe says with a sigh, and then an apology.

_(The 'never talked to me about you, EVER…' was implied. It should hurt, Addison thinks. It really should hurt that the ex-husband has never talked about the ex-wife at all. But it doesn't.)_

"Look, as I was saying earlier, sure, the alcohol got you two talking, initially, maybe…" Joe trails off as if he's not sure of that answer, himself.

"But trust me, we would have called them two cabs if we thought you would try to sleep with Meredith Grey, or even kiss her that night, that night…" Joe finally sighs.

"Is Meredith…" Addison doesn't know the correct term to add to that question so she leaves it ambiguous.

"I don't talk about other people's sexual orientations with other people, except their own and mine… And also Walter's, but I'm allowed that one…" Joe says to her seriously.

"But I thought you said gay news travels fast?" Addison says.

"It does," Joe says. "But that doesn't mean that I spread that kind of gossip," Joe says to her kindly.

"Thanks," Addison says. "That's actually nice. But back to my question how did you know to trust me with Meredith if you had a hunch I could - would - was ? Into women or would be?"

"Look, even if we thought you might be kinda gay at that point, we knew that a bigger part of you would want to be her 'knight in shining... _whatever'_...much more than her drunken tequila lay." Joe explains with a smile to Addison.

* * *

"Knight in shining…?" Addison tries to finish the expression but she can't seem to find a better word than ' _whatever_ ', anyhow.

_(Secretly, Addison really, REALLY liked the idea of being Meredith's 'knight in shining whatever'...)_

_(Well it's good to know you're a gentleman.)_

_(GENTLEWOMAN. BUT WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE GENDER CONFORMING OF STEREOTYPES? I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE FUN PART OF BEING QUEER.)_

_(You've been openly 'GREY-Sexual' - AHEM! - I mean 'bisexual' - for two seconds - maybe you're not such an expert for already…)_

_(BUT YOU LIKE THE SOUND OF IT! KNIGHT IN SHINING WHATEVER! LIKE A HERO! BUT SECRET! AND NOT HAVING TO WEAR AN UGLY KNIGHT'S ARMOR SET THAT'S TOO HEAVY TO MOVE IN ANYHOW…)_

_(You might be taking that expression a bit far out of proportion!)_

_(I wonder if Meredith is still coming to the bar tonight. She said she would be but where IS she?)_

"Where IS she?" Addison doesn't realize she's said that out loud until Joe says he has no idea, either.

"You could call her if you're that concerned." Joe says.

"I don't have her number," Addison says, a bit dissapointed.

"Well, then I guess you're out of luck, then," Joe laughs.

But then Addison thinks about texting Cristina, so she gets out her phone and does just that.

* * *

**Text Message, 20:30, Location: Seattle,**

_Skippy Gold to Cardio Goddess_

**SKIPPY**

[Yo, Cardiogoddess, do you know where Grey is?]

[Is she coming to Joe's tonight?]

[When is she coming to Joe's?]

[IS IT SOON!?]

_Skippy Gold sets her notifications for 'Cardio Goddess' to a different text tone._

* * *

Getting no response from Cristina, immediately, Addison goes back to drinking back another Gin and Tonic as she continues to look around longingly and asking Joe more questions.

"You know, of all the things you said, that he was pretty wise and thanks that's a high compliment, the trust thing. Yang said it too…"

Addison is clearly a bit tipsy now because she's bringing up Cristina Yang's name into the conversation.

He looks at her, then, and he finally says to her, before it's too late and she's too drunk to clearly remember him saying this to her:

"Look, no matter who she is to you, and what kind of relationship that is, either way, you treated Meredith that day, at least, much better than Derek ever did the whole time he was seeing her. You weren't around for that, then. But we were. And we were a bit worried when they went home together that first time, and even more afterward. But with you, we've never had those sorts of doubts…" Joe says as Walter nods along with him.

"You know, if I was like a God and I had to pick someone for Meredith to fall madly in love with, it would be you, you know," Walter says softly.

Walter hasn't spoken that much to Addison, ever. But the words he is saying to her now are the most magical and meaningful words he could ever say.

"If you were the one loving Meredith, you'd love her in a way that respected her more. She deserved more love than Derek or any boy she had been with had to offer her," he says.

And Addison somehow thinks that this phrase sounds vaguely familiar. Maybe HER memory of that night with Meredith wasn't as clear-cut as she thought.

When he says to HER 'we accept the love we think we deserve', "But we know YOU know that. We know that you think that for Meredith…"

That's the moment Addison remembers completely, and that she knows he remembers everything as well.

* * *

"For a while, I would deny myself these gay feelings. I never let myself feel them forever" Addison says.

"And it never seemed to matter… Until Meredith-"

Addison cuts herself off once she's realized she's actually confessed her feelings to someone who is conscious and not her ex-husband.

"FUCK!" Addison swears at herself.

"We won't tell. Swear to God!" Walter and Joe console her.

"Hey, we're basically you're Gay therapists who give you unsolicited advice and also alcohol. You look like you feel better once you start talking so if you want to keep talking, you can…" Walter says with a kind expression.

"Why don't I share a bit?" says Joe.

"I wasn't as out until I met Walter. And now we are happily married and might even want a kid someday. He says he gets it, I get it. Just take your time figuring out the Gay thing and the crush thing. And just try not to screw around in the process." Joe says.

"I've had a few struggles as an openly gay man, but that it's actually not been too bad at all and it's always getting better. It gets better, I promise" Walter says.

She asks him not to say anything. To let it all play out. So she can tell Mer herself Joe agrees wholeheartedly.

"We would never want to take this away from you. First love… It's exhilarating!"

"You know I've been MARRIED, right?" Addison deadpans.

"FIRST GAY LOVE THEN!" The cheers and Addison hushes them and tells them to stop yelling even though there's no one else in the bar.

"I'll have to work fast because Cristina already found out and now she's dating Izzie and so I don't want this to all blow up in my face. I should tell her today. Or at least approach the subject," Addison says to herself in a determined tone.

"Being open and in a relationship is also worth it and they had to come out and fight for their rights. Like marriage. Gay marriage." Walter smiles;

"Tell me you're not picturing marrying her already!" Joe says to her _knowingly_.

"SHIT!" Addison says in response to that...

"Not like, seriously considering! I swear! Just...daydreams... I must have zoned out again" Addison says with a bit of a slur, so Walter hands her a glass of water and makes sure that she drinks the whole thing before slowing down the rate at which he's giving her drinks again.

"Look, we're glad you seem to be having a breakthrough moment. Just take it on in pieces. Take small steps and you'll get there. And if you don't, you'll be okay. You have people who care about you, Addison. Don't ever think you don't. And if you really find yourself alone you can always come to talk to us and cry on the bar," Joe offers to her.

And it's just the perfect thing that Addison needed to hear today.

* * *

**Addison has some deep thoughts in the middle of Joe's bar that evening.**

**In fact, she's so lost in thought she can hardly think of anything else, other than about asking Meredith Grey out and confessing her feelings to her.**

**Confessing** _ **everything**_ **to her...**

_('I have to tell her! I have to ask her out and say I'll tell her everything, or tell her everything and then ask her out, or I don't know. But in my drunken state now, I couldn't care less who this 'secret admirer' person or who anyone else is. At least 97% of my entire being wants Meredith Grey. And those are some pretty good odds…' Addison thinks to herself…)_

_(Addison does not pause to think for a second, that perhaps, the odds just might not be in her favor, tonight…_ _**Or would they be?** _ _)_

* * *

Addison snaps her head around to see who has just walked into the bar.

Addison hopes with everything that she has that it's Meredith, but it isn't.

Instead, it's George O'Malley and Alex Karev.

So Addison just turns her back from them and focuses right back on her drink again as Joe and Walter go to serve other customers again.

Now that there're plenty more people in the bar, their 'true confessions' time was all over.

Addison was on her own...

The boys are laughing about something, all loud and boisterous. And Addison can't help but feel a little jealous at their carefree sexual arrangement.

_('Because you'd love to be giving Meredith Grey that post-sex-haze look, right Addie?' says her brain.)_

_('Yeah but you'd also just like the easy companionship and togetherness too.' says the other half.)_

_('But you basically have that NOW, you get along great with Grey, it's just the whole more-than-friends part that's all really complicated' part of her brain argues.)_

_('Right. Because being a 'mystery person' and having a newfound 'secret admirer' isn't complicated on top of the whole Derek-Mark-Addison-Meredith love square or parallelogram or trapezoid or…')_

_('Addison you were never any good at geometry…')_

As the boys arrive at Joe's after having many, many rounds of sex, they spy a woman wearing the very same scarf that they recognize.

"It's HER," Addison can hear someone say in a muffled voice but she can't discern who.

"Should we ask her out?" George and Alex whisper quietly to each other.

Each of them dares the other to go first, but eventually, it is Alex who steps up to the plate.

"Hello, there," he says in a loud voice.

"O'Malley?" Addison snaps her head around, recognizing her intern.

"Doctor Mongtomery-" George stammers a second.

"We were just admiring your red and green scarf," George blurts out truthfully.

"Oh, thanks," Addison smiles at him.

Addison is fond of O'Malley.

He seems like the type of person one might want around in a major life-changing life-threatening crisis.

"Can we see it?" George asks boldly.

If it had been Alex who had asked, she might have said no. But Addison says 'sure' to George, and soon enough he and Alex are examining it in a particular amount of interest.

"Are you interested in fabrics?" Addison asks them curiously.

"No, I just have a thing for women with red and green scarves" Alex smirks at her.

"NOT GONNA HAPPEN, KAREV!" Addison says to him sharply.

They're not at the hospital so Addison has no need to be subtle.

"Oh, don't say you don't wanna piece of this," Alex flirts with her overtly, causing George to bump into him on purpose.

"Look, on the other side of this life, maybe you might have said some line about not having a good dad and maybe I would have felt sorry for you and maybe I would have kissed you and even done other things like one time. But in THIS universe, I'm not gonna go there. I'm not going there with George, and I'm not going there with you. So you can stop all this Threesome bullshit or get the hell out of my sight!" Addison says to them bitterly.

"I have a question for you that's not about sex can I ask you?" George says to her sweetly.

"Sure?" Addison says hesitantly.

"Do you like welcome mats? Or doormats? A lot? Or a little? I'm just asking because my mom doesn't know shopping and…" George tries to think of a good way to put this to her.

"Not particularly, I almost tripped on Meredith's," Addison says bitterly.

"WHEN?" George exclaims at her hopefully.

"This afternoon, when we were picking up the cake, Grey lent you guys her car right so we drove mine to her house to get the cake that Izzie baked," Addison says to them with a shrug.

"Oh." Is all George O'Malley says?

"Would you say she has a nice doormat?" George asks again.

"Umm. I don't know I've never owned one," Addison says to him honestly.

"Really?" George asks.

"Well I live in - well I'm not telling you that but I don't have a doormat. And before that, I lived in a TRAILER with Derek when I first moved here. And that was like hell. And before that, there was the Brownstone and the Hampton's, and I didn't notice if they had doormats because Derek was the one who did the house decorations and I picked out all the clothes. So I hope that answers that question for you, O'Malley,' Addison says in a rant.

_(If Meredith had been there to see this, she probably would have found it adorable that Addison was just rambling, and kinda sexy how bossy she gets when she's getting to the point…)_

"Well, that's all we needed to know, um, have a good-, bye…" George trails off while Alex says to him "dude…" as he walks with him away.

So now Addison is ONCE AGAIN sitting at the bar by herself and watching the door like a hawk.

_(God, this is what Meredith must have been feeling that day we had at the bar. I am more glad than ever I came to tell her Derek wasn't coming for her. I almost want to drown ten tequila's myself waiting for Meredith Grey to come. And we aren't even a thing yet!)_

_('YET'? Presumptuous, much, Addison?)_

_('SHUT UP YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE')_

_('Just saying…')_

_Addison sits there and waits and waits and waits…_

_She starts to worry about Meredith._

But she also starts to worry about Derek.

Just as his new 'just friend…'

Addison was starting to get a bit worried he might do something stupid, so she texts him a few times, and when she doesn't get an answer, she tries to call him a few times, also.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

"FUCK THIS PIECE OF CRAP NOKIA!" Cristina is yelling at her phone.

"Totally dead?" Izzie asks her.

"100% not happening!" Cristina yells at it some more.

"Hey, can we consider this a GOOD THING?" Izzie says to her.

"What do you mean?" Cristina asks her.

"Like tonight, it can just be us. No texting. No phone calls. Just US" Izzie begs her.

"I understand what you mean, does that mean you're shutting off your phone too for the night?"

"Yeah, I think that it does," Izzie smiles up at Cristina.

_(And Cristina is sort of relieved that she gets a real break from being some unhelpfulyoda matchmaker/counselor for her best friend and...Addison.)_

_(She finally gets her night to be with her new… Girlfriend? Who knows - MAYBE SOON!)_

"How did you know to come to this Italian place on Bank Street? It's AMAZING!" Cristina says enthusiastically.

"A friend suggested it, that's all" Izzie says to her cryptically.

_(Not wanting to say 'Addison Forbes Montgomery' actually… The moment she knew I liked you…)_

"Oh, sweet. Well, I'm getting the spaghetti, want to share a garlic bread?" Cristina asks her.

"Yeah!" Izzie says.

And they do the cute thing where they suck spaghetti noodles at the same time and kiss in the middle.

They actually pull it off… twice during the entire dinner after lots and lots of practice.

"Good thing you packed extra clothes," says Cristina.

"Well, it wasn't like you were going to be the organized one, HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR ROOM!" Izzie teases.

"Well, I know where my picture of YOU is," Cristina smiles at her.

"Ah, ok, you got me there," Izzie finally says.

"Am I your girlfriend?" Cristina asks her seriously.

"Do you want to be MY girlfriend?" Izzie asks her seriously as well.

"Well, I do, but I know we haven't had sex yet, but we do seem to have chemistry and I really do like you…" Cristina says wide and vulnerable.

"I really like you too, you're so smart and wild," Izzie says.

"I think we should talk about it, like what do you need from me, to be your girlfriend?" Izzie asks in a very mature way.

"From you, I think I need you to not only wear underwear around your shared house because it makes me get jealous and not in a good way,' Cristina says to her.

"And of course, to know that I'm never going to date Mer but I'm always going to be her person,  
Cristina says.

"That can definitely be arranged," says Izzie.

"What do you need from me, to be your girlfriend?" Cristina asks in a very mature way as well.

"Well, the same thing about me being George's person, and also at times, Alex's," Izzie says as Cristina nods.

"But I also want to know what you're thinking when I talk about Meredith and Addison's keys. I know you're keeping secrets from me for good reason. But if we're going to be in a relationship, I don't want to feel like I'm on the outside of things," Izzie says.

"Izzie…" Cristina sighs a bit.

"I told you everything I know about it. And I know you're holding back. I'm not going to tell Meredith or Addison anything. Or anyone else. But right here, it's just us. And I need that, otherwise, I don't know if I can trust you," Izzie says.

"You're right that you've always been truthful to me," Cristina says.

"I can keep a secret, Cristina. I was a secret MODEL until Alex pasted underwear pictures of me all over the walls," Izzie laughs to lighten the mood.

"I kept one, you know. It got me thinking of you," Cristina finally admits to her.

"I knew it!" Izzie says as if in a revelation. "But keep talking about this Addison and Meredith thing… Because I really want to know!" Izzie says.

And Cristina finally decides that seeing as Izzie knows practically the whole story already, and that Cristina has held out on her for ages, and that she's exhausted, and that she shouldn't have to choose to give up her own happiness for her friends' "hypothetical love is not dead" theatrics…

Cristina finally decides to come clean to her.

With more of it.

Most of it.

Anyways…

* * *

"Wow, so Addison did all that for Meredith, and Meredith thinks it's a whole other person?" Izzie finally says to her.

"Plus they sort of seem to be falling for each other anyway, and this whole mystery is just getting in a goddamned way. Ironic, isn't it? Cristina sighs.

"And Meredith doesn't know what happened that night?" Izzie says as Cristina nods.

Cristina decides not to tell Izzie the details of the evening, because she decides that part is only for Meredith and for Addison.

She just says that she knows, and when the time is right they'll tell each other.

And whatever the fallout, they'll be there for their friends.

"So I was right about the key thing, then?" Izzie says.

"You were right about it. I didn't even notice those things that you noticed. You're a pretty good detective, yourself," Cristina says to Izzie.

"Hey, learned from the best," says Izzie to Cristina.

"I have a plan, to help them hopefully speed things along and make the right choice for the right reasons. Are you maybe in? Cristina says to Izzie.

"Oh, I am so, so, in!" Izzie says.

And they begin their conversation which would last for another while into the evening.

"You know, you're like my 'knight in shining whatever," Cristina finally says to Izzie.

"Why is that?" Izzie asks her. "You've always been the strong one!"

"I never would have let myself in if it wasn't someone with such empathy as you. You're my opposite. I'm a robot but you care like crazy. And I really like that," says Cristina.

"You're like the smartest person ever I want to be like you, too," says Izzie.

Which would be followed by Cheesecake, which they would share with one fork, before kissing, walking and talking, hand in hand, all the way to Joe's Bar, later that evening...

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

George and Alex go out for fries.

Mostly because they want to eat fries, but also because they want to talk about things they can't talk about in the middle of Emerald City Bar.

"So, now we know that Addison has the exact same scarf that person snooping around our house did," George begins.

"Who knows?" says Alex. "Do you think she's having an affair with Cristina or Izzie?" he asks.

"No, those two are so close and Addison is their friend. I don't think she would do that to either of them," George says.

"Even if Montgomery kissed Yang?" Alex adds.

"That was only one time for truth or dare. Plus it was more Cristina kissing Addison," says George.

"Do you think she's banging Mer?" Alex asks George in all seriousness.

"Are you asking me if I think Addison who used to be Shepherd, is having an affair with her ex-husband's ex-girlfriend/mistress… in OUR HOUSE… Sneaking around in broad daylight under the scarf she told us all about?" George says to him skeptically.

"Yeah, that's probably stupid," says Alex. "Even if she did have an affair before…" he adds.

"People can change you know," says George _(Hopefully… about Alex's past as a player…)._

"Yeah, once a cheater always one isn't fair," says Alex. "I wonder who the boy she banged is though, and if he's hot or a doctor or if I could learn from him…" says Alex.

"We're off topic now, let's focus on the fact that scarf person and Addison both have red, red, hair," says George before he gets jealous of the thought of his… Alex wanting to have some sort of thing with Addison Montgomery's nonexisting to them (yet?) former dirty mistress boy, Mark Sloan.

"And that she sort of looks like her, too, scarf girl and Addison are the same height" Alex adds. "AND CAN YOU BELIEVE ADDISON DOESN'T WANT SEX WITH US!" He says with a deadpan.

"Well, it's her loss. Besides I'd worry she'd enjoy you too much, Alex," George says to him.

And that's the closest George has come, thus far, to acknowledging any deeper feelings for Alex.

"You know, when your mom gave me three bowls of soup, I've never been treated that good by any mom ever, in my life, not even my own mom," Alex says to him.

And that's the closest Alex has come, thus far, to acknowledging any deeper feelings for George.

"Fries will be 30 minutes, only one of you has to wait though," the cook says to them an apology.

"I'll stay," George says to Alex.

_(George wants to say more, or articulate that it's nice that he's being the gentleman in the relationship, now.)_

_(Usually, Alex was the one doing that, but today he just felt like he wanted to be more…)_

_(Is it called chivalry? Or cavalry? The one about being someone's 'knight in shining whatever…' George can't remember… But by the time he tries he hasn't said anything at all)_

"Thanks, dude," Alex says to him in a grin.

_(Alex wants to say something like, 'do you wanna go steady or some shit?')_

_(But he can't seem to figure out a smooth enough way to say it…)_

_(So he doesn't… this time. At least.)_

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

**Addison had thought to herself that tonight was the night;**

**That, someone, was about to be heartbroken, and someone was about to be saved.**

**And so far, this evening, she seemed like she was the one who could be saved…**

**IF ONLY MEREDITH GREY WOULD SHOW UP!**

**So they could finally talk it all through with each other…**

But each time Addison looked up, it was someone who was not Meredith.

PRESTON BURKE AND RICHARD WEBBER STOP BY THE BAR AND ALL TRY TO TALK WITH HER.

_(Ugh, if she wasn't so annoyed with her fellow Attending colleagues at this moment…)_

Addison puts in a good word for Cristina to Burke professionally at the bar when Burke shows up there. He only nods.

Richard Webber just says he's proud of Addison for the party.

Addison wants to stop talking with them now entirely, so she decides to say goodnight.

She makes something up about checking up on Derek and John the patient and they believe her.

So she says bye to the attendings and Joe and Walter as if she isn't coming back, just so that they don't follow her out and ask her more annoying questions.

Addison has to go for a long walk alone to process her chat with Joe before she could stand waiting for Meredith alone at the bar again...

* * *

Addison eventually does walk back to the hospital to check on Derek because he isn't answering any of her calls and she's worried he's passed out in his office on scotch.

As Derek never shows to Joe's so she wants to make sure he's ok.

And he is when Addison gets there.

He's still talking with John, who says that he's staying another while just until he can get his ex-boyfriend's family in. There was some sort of delay, so Addison says good luck and they will chat more another time.

Addison stays with Derek and John for a little while to make sure Derek is okay, before saying she has to go back to the bar.

"Are you going to talk to Meredith?" Derek asks her.

"Yeah, I'm going to talk to Meredith," Addison says with confidence to him, and a wink to John at the same time so he knows she means she's going to REALLY talk to her, or at least try to.

"Good luck with that," Derek says to her. And he seems to really, really mean it.

Addison asks Derek if he has Meredith's number, but Derek says he doesn't he deleted it out of spite and doesn't remember.

Addison sighs at this and smiles at him.

And Derek says "thanks for coming to check up on me," to Addison.

She mutters he wouldn't pick up his phone and she has the habit of worrying over him. And he just shrugs unapologetically as Addison mumbles about actually checking in on John as well.

Addison considers calling Joe to tell him to buy a drink for Meredith on her while she waits, as she walks out of the hospital.

But then Addison figures it'll only be a ten-minute walk, anyhow.

And this way Addison could surprise Meredith in person.

Would the odds be in her favor, tonight, that Meredith would still be waiting for her by the time she had gotten back? Or would she already be gone again…?

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

_**Sometime AFTER Addison has left the bar for the FIRST TIME that evening,** _

_**But BEFORE Addison ever arrives at the bar for a SECOND TIME, that evening…** _

* * *

**Meredith has some deep thoughts on the way into Joe's bar in Addison's car that evening.**

**In fact, she's so lost in thought she can hardly think of anything else, other than about asking Addison Montgomery out and confessing her feelings to her.**

**Confessing** _ **everything**_ **to her...**

_('I have to tell her! I have to ask her out and say I'll tell her everything, or tell her everything and then ask her out, or I don't know. But in my excited state now, I couldn't care less who this goddamn 'mystery person' or who anyone else is. At least 97% of my entire being wants Addison Montgomery. And those are some pretty good odds…' Meredith thinks to herself…)_

_(Meredith does not pause to think for a second, that perhaps, the odds just might not be in her favor, tonight…_ _**Or would they be?** _ _)_

* * *

By the time that Meredith enters Joe's bar, later on in the evening, she thought her friends George and Alex would be already having the times of their lives playing darts with each other and trying to beat their high score, but she can't seem to see George, anywhere.

By the time that Meredith enters Joe's bar, later on in the evening, Joe and Walter are having a rather intimate conversation with each other, and even some of the Attendings were having a drink there and mingling.

By the time that Meredith enters Joe's bar, later on in the evening, Meredith looks around left and right, up and down to find Addison. She thinks maybe she should look for her friends, Cristina and Izzie because she doesn't see them either.

So she shoots them a text to ask how they are doing before she wanders around the bar sort of aimlessly, receiving no text back from either of the girls in response. She's trying to be subtle, but Meredith is really only looking for Addison. She's wondering why she isn't here because she said she would be, and eventually, she sits at the bar in a huff, feeling completely dejected.

Meredith doesn't remember feeling this dejected, waiting for someone that night at the bar who promised that they'd be coming since she'd asked DEREK to wait for her at Joe's that one time. And somehow, this doesn't feel any different, it feels even _worse_ to be truthful.

Because that time she'd said 'pick me, choose me, love me,' to Derek and he hadn't said a word to her after and had not really promised he'd come. But this time she was wearing Addison's lipstick and her beautiful outfit Addison had picked out for her.

And Addison wasn't even HERE for her. How could she do this to Meredith? How could she do this to her! How could she not show up? Was this some stupid joke between her and her husband? That they would both stand her up.

Meredith doesn't remember much of what happened that night after her first couple shots made her blackout completely. That blackout was a solace that at least she didn't have to deal with the humiliation of Derek standing her up.

But Meredith can't drink herself under the table, this time. She can't drink away her pain with lime and salt and WAY too much tequila. She can't drown herself in the alcohol and hope to a God she doesn't know if she believes in that some 'mystery person' will carry her home again.

Meredith can't do any of those things because she's on call for Bailey. FOR ADDISON, actually, and she thinks that it's ridiculous she's doing Addison a favor and she isn't even showing up here on her night where she doesn't even have to work so she can't be at the hospital.

Meredith calls Walter over to Walter, eventually, because Joe is caught up in a conversation somewhere and she asks him for a vanilla soda with extra ice and extra cherries because it's the fanciest thing she's even allowed to have on this evening.

Plus it makes Meredith think of Izzie's cake and more importantly about the cherry and vanilla lollipops that she and Addison had had...

Meredith thinks back to what she thought only that morning, that today was going to be like 'the end of the world' for someone, somehow.

And she had thought at that moment that it would be one of HER 'lovers'; either her 'mystery lover' or Addison who would be walking away from her, out in the rain, alone and without any more answers.

She had not thought that it would be HER, hurt and angry and abandoned, for the SECOND TIME since meeting Mr. and Mrs. McDreamy and meeting than not remembering 'McMystery' and everything else that had happened to her and her friends in this godforsaken Seattle...

* * *

"Meredith" A figure approaches the intern from behind as she's sitting there drinking her vanilla soda with cherries for the evening.

"You're not _Addison,_ "

Meredith says annoyedly before she even looks up to see that the person behind her, not only is it certainly not Addison but it is one of the other four people might have expected to greet her with her own name that night at the bar.

"I'm not Addison," says Alex Karev with a smirk.

He's standing there, hovering, dressed in his 'party clothes' or _whatever_ and all this seems to just annoy Meredith more.

"Where IS Addison?" Meredith insists.

And she's sure she's about lost it now because if Addison didn't come to meet her at the bar then surely she shouldn't be at 'home' with her ex-husband - WOULD SHE? because that's the whole point of her divorce so that she didn't have to be at home with him being his McWife. And she shouldn't be at the hospital, either, right, because that was the whole point in her doing that secret favor of staying on call at Bailey's request, on Addison's service for pyloric stenosis babies...

And so surely Addison _should_ be standing right behind her in this godforsaken place _\- and happy to see her in the OUTFIT THAT ADDISON HAD HANDPICKED OUT FOR HER AND SAID SHE COULDN'T WAIT TO SEE ON HER.._.And without her godforsaken divorced husband or ex-husband or whoever, he was to her - to him - to whomever.

"She should be coming," Meredith says to Alex in a huff.

"She should be coming," Alex says flatly.

"I FUCKING KNOW THAT ALEX" Meredith deadpans at him with a glare.

And the compassion in HIS voice is carrying over into HIS speech now and it's making Meredith even more confused. Why on earth would Alex be standing right behind her, sounding sad about being HER being alone? Why is he here without George on this disgustingly rainy evening - when he could be holed up who knows where his arms or something sickly un-domestic and un-refined like what real Evil-Spawn would do just like people with hardly even real jobs and real friends-with-benefits arrangements in their lives, do.

"How did YOU even know she was supposed to be coming?" Meredith asks and she's not entirely sure why Alex Karev is still answering the long list of questions because it's not like he's ever cared to answer any of Meredith Grey's questions before.

"She told me," Alex says simply as if that says it all.

"YEAH AND SHE TOLD ME THAT TOO, MORE THAN SHE TOLD YOU I BET. AND I BET SHE TOLD ME FIRST. AND I BET SHE TOLD ME BETTER. AND WHERE THE HELL IS GEORGE AND WHY IS HE NOT WITH YOU!"

Meredith exclaims all of this frustratedly at Alex, now. Because Meredith is upset that Alex would talk about Addison like he knows something she doesn't about her and she really does want to know where George is.

"He's getting the fries. Can I sit with you?" Alex motions at Meredith's purse which is currently saving the seat right beside Meredith as he offers to move it for her.

"No. Don't move that. Don't sit there next to me now. I'm saving that seat for Addison. If she ever bothers to freaking show up and see this new outfit and makeup I have on. I mean, not just because of Addison but because of, well I wanted to. So just bring me some fries when George gets here," Meredith huffs at Alex now.

So Alex saunters away from Meredith now, picking up his drink from the counter and leaving.

And Meredith pulls out her phone and sends a text to Cristina.

* * *

**Text Message, 21:30, Location: Seattle,**

_Meredith 'twisted sister' Grey to Cristina 'my person' Yang_

**MEREDITH**

[Hi, Cristina, do you know where Addison is?]

[Is she coming to Joe's tonight?]

[When is she coming to Joe's?]

[IS IT SOON!?]

_Meredith Grey sets her notifications for 'Cardio Goddess' to a different text tone._

* * *

But she figures Cristina must be on a date with Izzie Stevens because she doesn't reply.

And as much as that annoys her, she tries to feel happy for her friends on a date.

_('HA!' You wish YOU were on a date with a leggy and fabulous redhead…)_

So instead, Meredith ends up talking with Walter and Joe.

Still waiting, and waiting, and wishing, and hoping, for Addison to finally arrive.

"Is Addison coming?" Meredith asks Joe and Walter.

"She was already here," Joe says to her honestly.

"She got the 'secret admirer drink' and she drank it," Joe tells Meredith now.

"For what it's worth, she didn't know it was YOU, who sent it or didn't say that…" Joe explains.

"And she LEFT?" Meredith exclaims at him, focusing on Addison's abrupt departure.

"She said she had to go check in on Derek, something about him talking with a patient named John?" Walter asks, hoping this will mean something to Meredith, somehow.

"IS SHE COMING BACK?" Meredith asks them.

"I don't know?" Joe looks at her sympathetically, wishing he could give her the 'yes,'

"She just said bye to Preston Burke and Richard Webber and also me and Walter when she left, that's all she said…" Joe says to her and she wonders whether Meredith would cry.

He thought that Addison was finally going to talk to Meredith and tell her everything, but she left before Meredith arrived and she had said she was checking in on her ex-husband…

So maybe the odds weren't in their favor, after all, after everything, tonight...

_('Is she coming back for ME… Meredith thinks to herself... Or will I be ditched here as Derek ditched me, while Ms. McDreamy goes to console her EX-HUSBAND she was so intent on leaving… Or so I thought… What if she secretly wants him back after all that…)_

_(What if she never wanted me to begin with and this is some sick joke about making him jealous enough to love her again?)_

_(What if she never wanted anything to do with me at all?)_

_(What if this was all a stupid McLIE!)_

_**Meredith had thought to herself that tonight was the night;** _

_**That, someone, was about to be heartbroken, and someone was about to be saved.** _

_**And so far, this evening, she seemed like she was the one who could be saved…** _

_**IF ONLY ADDISON MONTGOMERY WOULD SHOW UP!** _

_**So they could finally talk it all through with each other...** _

_(If she was even coming to Joe's to meet Meredith at all after she'd promised she would…)_

_(But she'd been made THAT promise before, by the other Doctor McDreamy.)_

_(Meredith had always thought that Addison would be better than this, that she would never stand someone up at a bar… She thought she was better than Derek.)_

_(She was even starting to think at like, a good 97% that Addison, rather than Derek or this goddamned 'mystery person' could be her ONE…)_

_(And she's trying not to wonder about this 'mystery person' again and if they would become relevant and show up in her life all the sudden just because she was at Joe's bar again.)_

_(What if they'd been waiting here for her on the nights she hadn't been here???)_

_(If they show up now before Addison, what would that mean to her about Addison??? Would she choose? And who and how would she ever decide between these two probably great possibilities??? She's really freaking out now...)_

_Now Meredith sits and stares at the empty barstool beside her, the one she had once reserved exclusively for Derek, and now had reserved exclusively for Addison…_

_And now Addison had left the bar to GO CHECK ON DEREK._

_As if this were all some fucked up story of twists and turns and irony, and the joke was on HER, apparently._

_She wonders if every McDreamy or 'mystery person' she would ever meet would abandon her, each of them, just like her father once had abandoned her family when she was only five fucking years old._

_She wonders if she could ever find love again… Or if she ever even had it at all._

_Meredith was wearing Addison's lipstick for heck's sake and it said to her 'elevator love letter…'_

_Meredith wonders if that means anything to her at all, or if it ever had..._

_Meredith wonders bitterly, to herself, if she should even or should not, have bought Addison that drink earlier, over the phone call to Joe, 'from her secret admirer', after all..._

* * *

*****

*****

*****

*****

*****

******* END OF CHAPTER 31**

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

Well, this chapter ended up being a lot of angsty content and longer than I thought!

*Sigh*, yes I know, I like a slow burn… (SORRY!)

Also, I like Dramatic Irony (Where the audience knows more than the characters.)

And I also like side plots, apparently.

So here's the setup for the next one, and I hope you'll keep staying tuned.

Please let me know what you think of this one!

(Yeah I know it's not as 'sexy' as the others or as 'fluffy'... But it's a nod to the humble beginnings of this story. And I think there's some depth to the processing of their past traumas that needed to happen around now.)

EEK! Have a great one, everyone.

* * *

**THANKS FOR READING, LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

* * *

_Yours, truly, bobbiejelly_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all,
> 
> Nothing else posted today because this chapter was so long!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed all the stories so far I can't wait to hear your feedback.


	32. It's The End Of The World, Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Again. Things spiral from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the wonderful messages I've gotten today! Such heroes!

_Author's Note:_

_Here's another part of this chapter._

_Ps. The playlist has been updated in "secret admirer."_

_And earlier chapters have been edited for formatting._

_All the details I keep wanting to add make it longer._

_Hope you enjoy :D_

_Let me know your thoughts,_

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_**PREVIOUSLY ON "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING":** _

* * *

A long long time ago, that first night Addison and Meredith shared at Joe's together...

Somewhere along in the bitterness Meredith might have expected Addison to chew her out or to demean her for all the damage she's done to her marriage, or for Meredith to chew Addison out or to demean her for cheating on Derek with Mark or for telling her she shouldn't go back to him right away.

But Addison doesn't. And Meredith doesn't. And neither of them wants to try to even go there now.

So instead they just sit together, feeling all alone in the Emerald City Bar as they stir their drinks with their straws and let the sharp bite of the ice cubes feel cool upon their weary lips.

And for some inexplicable reason Meredith and Addison each feel somehow soothed by the solemn grace that is their current and unlikely companionship.

* * *

_END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE._

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by me, bobbiejelly . NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 32: It's The End Of The World, Part Three**

* * *

_Chapter Summary: Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Again. Things spiral from there._

* * *

Meredith Grey is currently sitting by herself at the Emerald City Bar.

She's sitting on a bar stool that had recently (unbeknownst to Meredith,) been occupied by none other than Addison Forbes Montgomery, for whom Meredith was impatiently waiting for.

She's sitting on a barstool she had previously sat on waiting for Derek Christopher Shepherd, but now HE was the last person she wanted to see.

She's sitting on a barstool, waiting for Addison Montgomery, no-longer-Sheppherd, with her coat and her purse on the stool next to her to save that seat only for HER.

Something about this situation, this bar, her alone, her staring into the bitterness seems so familiar, yet not comforting in the least bit.

It makes her feel like a little girl, like the time she was riding the carousel and felt it would never ever ever stop turning, as she watched her mother fight with Richard Webber and Ellis Grey was raising her voice and Meredith was all alone, just turn and turning again...

Meredith has been downing alcohol-free-vanilla-flavored-Italian-sodas-with-extra-ice-and-extra-cherries by the bucketload for the better part of a half-hour now, and Joe and Walter are starting to get worried she'll get a toothache from all of the sugar.

_(She doesn't want to get a toothache, she just wants to keep tasting sweet cherry and also vanilla…)_

"I'm switching you to just water-with-extra-ice for a while so you don't get Diabetes," Joe says to Meredith, apologetically.

"Can I at LEAST have the cherries?" Meredith asks him, insistently.

"Cocktail cherries are coated in sugar syrup. Trust me, you'll be grateful in the morning when you don't have a tummy ache," Walter says calmly to her.

"Now, do you want to talk about it?" Joe offers to Meredith, without elaborating on what "it" might be.

"You're not gonna say anything to Addison or to Derek or to anyone else what I say here, right?" Meredith makes them pinky swear to her and promise.

_(Meredith has no idea just HOW GOOD that Joe and Walter are, at keeping people's secrets…)_

"Okay, so I'm deciding between two people…" Meredith finally begins as Joe and Walter nod at her, while being exceptional actors in their own right as they show no revealing emotions at all.

* * *

"And?" Joe nods for her to go on.

"Well, first of all, there was Derek. But he's not someone that I'm deciding between because his hat is already tossed out of my metaphorical ring," Meredith starts to explain.

"And then there is this 'mystery person' after Derek," Meredith finally explains to them.

And Walter and Joe each nod while giving each other a knowing look for a split second that Meredith doesn't notice because she's too busy trying to dig out an ice chip from her empty Italian Soda to look at them both at that moment.

"See, the other while ago, the last time I was here, I was waiting for Derek. But Derek never showed up. I know that part for sure. And then I had four or five or six or ten tequila shots in front of me, and I don't remember talking to anyone or anything at all after that…"

Meredith continues to explain to them as they both try to fit this puzzle together in their minds with what they already knew to be true, from what they had seen, and from what Addison told them.

"My last memory from that evening happened when I was so drunk. That's it. I remember thinking 'I hate Derek for not coming because all I want to do is either Marry Him or Drown Myself, and I feel like I'm doing the second option, only in tequila, and not actually drowning unless that's what you call it when you get blackout drunk off of tequila," Meredith rants.

"But I never married Derek. Because Derek never showed up. And instead, when I woke up the next morning I had this note in my kitchen saying my name and 'thanks for the memories' which was sort of vaguely crossed out and not really with no name, no nothing. And there was a glass of water by my note with aspirin for me to take before work. And I took it." Meredith explains.

"And my potted plant was replanted and set down on my counter. And the roots were all kinky and it wasn't straight at all anymore even if it still looked well cared for. And that's the only other hint that I have except that I found my coat on my coat rack. I mean who the hell even uses coat racks these days?" Meredith waves her hands so much that Joe takes Meredith's glasses away until she stops waving her hands in the air.

And then Meredith pouts at him so he finally gives her her half-finished soda and water again.

* * *

"But you got home safe?" Joe confirms to her.

"Yeah, I got home safe I guess. I have no idea how. I don't remember being at the bar or leaving the bar or walking or driving or I could have teleported for all I remember," Meredith says to them, realizing she sounds a little bit pathetic at that one.

"And I woke up in the same clothes I had on that day. Nothing even was taken off except for my coat. And I guess that's how I knew nothing happened between me and anyone. Because when I have drunken tequila lay sex, it always happens when I'm completely naked and-"

Meredith was going to go on about that but Joe cuts her off firmly to tell her that "Walter and I really don't like to hear about other people's sex lives in that graphic a detail," to Meredith.

"Right." Meredith huffs a bit and takes another ice chip out with her bare fingers.

"So I knew no one tried to have sex with me. And no one kissed me either because my lipstick was still on and there were no smears or nothing," Meredith says to them, in explanation, but she sees Walter and Joe look at each other and sigh in relief.

"WHAT?" Meredith asks them.

"It's just we're really glad you got home safe and nothing happened without your consent, that's all," Walter says to her honestly.

"We were worried about you. You hadn't been that drunk a while and we just wanted to be sure. It's a relief to hear." Joe says to her truthfully.

"Well, they were sort of a thief. Or not a thief? They stole my house key to lock the door behind them but then I got it back under my doormat after," Meredith says to them.

And at the word 'doormat', Joe and Walter each have a flash of recognition in their minds about George asking Addison if 'she had a thing for doormats' and about Addison's red and green scarf she was wearing.

So Walter and Joe start to piece together in their minds what might have happened with Addison returning the key to Meredith secretly, though they weren't exactly sure if the scarf part was relevant just yet…

* * *

"So yeah this 'mystery person' literally has not said a word to me after that night. I have no idea who they are. I thought I didn't care so I threw out the note. Maybe Cristina has it, but I have no idea if she does and she's not answering any of my text messages. And neither is Izzie so I bet those two are together now…" Meredith rambles on.

"And a part of me wants to get to know and meet this 'mystery person' and thank them for all that they did. But also slap them maybe because they never said anything at all to me and it has been AGES, and I can't tell if they give a crap about me and just wanted to wait until I was ready to move on from Derek, or if they were or are ashamed in helping me home, or if they just do nice things like that for no reason all the time and can't even remember to care that it happened," Meredith groans at all of the possibilities.

"If it could be anyone, who would you want your 'mystery person' to be?" Walter asks her.

"I don't know, someone hot with an accent? Like maybe Australian, or Italian, or Irish…?" Meredith shrugs.

"I thought for sure it was a boy at first glance. But then it could be a girl. And I swing either way. So that's not really the point. But I don't know if I even care at all about this goddamn game because truthfully I'm kind of hung up on somebody else…" Meredith sighs with a heave.

"Are you going to give us any names?" Joe asks her the same teasing way he asked Addison, earlier.

"No," Meredith deadpans, in a way that resembles Addison so sharply that Joe and Walter have to bite their tongue not to smirk or have a reaction.

But Meredith is off fantasizing about doing domestic things with Addison, or going on a vacation together, like maybe to Hawaii… So she doesn't notice anything that happened on Joe and Walter's faces.

"So this person I sorta kinda like, they're just. Okay, fine it's a woman. Just so you know. But you knew I like women anyhow I'm sure. So anyways…" Meredith begins now, not even knowing where to start.

"You'd think she would be the most inappropriate person to have inappropriate feelings to want to have inappropriate sex within inappropriate places in inappropriate _ways_ …" Meredith starts to go there but Walter cuts her off AGAIN from that trail of thoughts.

"But she's just like an enigma. Red hair. Like she could be the entire COLOR. Red. Like she could be better than the color. And she always smells nice and she's so freaking nice and caring towards everyone even though she JUST moved to Seattle to chase after her stupid ex-husband who was my stupid ex-boyfriend and _OHMYGOD NOW YOU KNOW I'M TALKING ABOUT ADDISON, NOW_!?"

* * *

Meredith freaks out again and knocks over her water glass in her flailing before Joe can manage to take it away from her, so she helps to mop up the water with some paper towel, and at least the cold water over her hands helps her to calm down from her panic.

"We won't tell Addison. We promise. You can keep talking about her all night and day and we won't tell a soul about her or your 'mystery person' things either," Joe says firmly to her, playing along as if these two were really two separate people as Meredith seems to believe still.

"I'm like 97% sure that I want her. And want her, WANT her, like already love her even if I'm not IN LOVE with her… Yet, but I could be if she ever lets me love her as I wanna love her…" Meredith says to them wistfully.

"You're looking at the door to make sure I'm not going to go all 'true confessions' and keep talking about her as she comes in, right?" Meredith exclaims in another panic.

"We'll give you a heads up if we spot her," says Joe.

"I'll be on the lookout," says Walter, kindly, as he posts himself by the door so he can nod at Joe to tell Meredith to stop talking if Addison walks into the building.

"So I really always liked Addison. I wanted to hate her but I couldn't and then, now, she's just been trying to be my friend and she's such a cool friend. Did you know she let me drive her car? I still have her car keys…"

Meredith thumbs over hers and Addison's keys in her hands.

She thumbs over the door key to Addison's black Mercedes and runs it between her forefingers and thumb. Meredith loves doing this, she doesn't know why, but it always feels like she's closer to Addison when she does this...

"You'd think that after all the shit we went through she would say to me something like 'why don't you pick a floor and I pick a floor because I could really use a moment WITHOUT you…' Right?" Meredith says to them.

"But instead she's not like that. She once even told me 'good girl' for not going back to Derek. And she defended me to a patient the very first day she was here. She explained that she'd cheated on McDreamy. And Derek told me it was his best friend Mark she had slept with. And whoever this Mark person is I want to punch them in the face because they got to have adulterous sex with Addison Forbes Montgomery…" Meredith rants.

"Not that I want to have adulterous sex with her. I mean, I sort of did. Or at least my body did and still does. I mean I want her... But I would never let her have an affair with me because her last affair broke up a ten plus year marriage and made her move cities and I ended up with her ex-but-not-ex and I just ... I don't want to hurt her…" Meredith says to him tenderly.

"She did one thing wrong and she owned up to it, which is more than Derek ever did to anyone, ever. He was sort of a liar. But anyways, Addison just looked like she was hurting after her divorce that's why I called you and told you to send her a drink from a 'secret admirer' because I know it made me feel better for a while when I thought I had lots of people falling at my feet…" Meredith tries to justify.

"Do you care if she finds out that drink was from you?" Joe asks her.

"I don't know, maybe? Soon? I'm not ready. Maybe? Because I don't know if SHE is ready because she just got a divorce but I know I can't start dating her until I come clean to her about sending her a 'secret admirer' drink and also that the reason I'm here not drinking tonight is that I'm covering HER service for questions but only Bailey knows that but she's not gonna tell and I also started making her a 'secret admirer' mixtape…" Meredith sort of rambles.

"So you like to do nice things for her… To brighten her day but without taking credit for it all?" Walter asks her a bit skeptically.

"Yeah." Meredith shrugs at him.

"Why is that?" Walter asks her.

Walter was philosophically speaking in double-speak to Joe with that one, asking Joe the rhetorical question 'why is that, that Meredith wants to do secret favors for Addison, while at the same time Addison wants to do secret favors for Meredith while tangling themselves up in a web of lies that are actually all about caring for each other more than they want to admit…?'

"Well I don't want her to think I'm some lame suck-up, or that I'm doing it for the wrong reasons like so she's picking me to be her teacher's pet at work, or that I'm getting back at her for Derek or trying to win Derek back by getting with her and making him jealous or I'm fooling around with her because she just came out to us or…" Meredith rants without taking a breath.

"Have you told her any or all of this?" Joe asks her.

"No," Meredith says to him.

"Would you?" he asks.

"Well, but I don't know why she'd even want me back. I'm just an intern and I got mommy issues and daddy issues and I don't use coasters and I live with roommates and I'm a mess and I was her ex-husband's ex-mistress/girlfriend and I'm just not as formidable as SHE is…" Meredith sighs.

"She deserves the love that is better than Derek. But I don't know if that means me or not me. I think she deserves to be loved no matter how broken or bruised, to be loved like she's whole but without trying to change her or fix her…" Meredith finally says.

"She deserves better than me, I think… I don't think I'm enough for her to deserve me…Plus she's older than me so I bet she's seen much hotter people in her life than I am" Meredith sighs.

"But you two get along well?" Joe asks her.

"We do when we hang out we do. And when I touch her - not like in a creepy way but just like when she was falling asleep in my arms it just felt so right. And I just can't get her out of my head," Meredith says to them with big blue pleading eyes.

"You held her as she was falling asleep?" Walter pops in with this question.

"She was so, so tired. And we were in a supply closet and didn't laugh at that there was nowhere with a bed where people weren't screwing," Meredith says exasperatedly.

"Did you tuck her in at night?" Joe asks her.

"Sorta, I mean I pulled the blankets over both of us and tucked her head into my chest because she fell asleep on my shoulder…" (Meredith decides to omit the part where Derek walked in on them and found out about their nap because she found talking about Derek to be really boring compared to talking about _Addison_ …)

"And she liked that?" Joe asks her.

"She was asleep I'm not sure she remembers…" Meredith says in all pure irony.

"Do you know she tucked me in once, too when she thought I was already asleep?" Meredith continues again.

"WHAT? WHEN?" Walter tries not to exclaim in alarm.

"Yesterday, or today, or whatever in the hospital on-call room. She found me with the blankets untucked and tucked me back in. I was just barely awake but I never moved because I wanted to feel the weight of the palm of her hands on my waist as she curled in the blankets. I woke up in a cacoon…" Meredith says all dreamily.

* * *

"That was today?" Joe asks her.

"Yeah," she says.

"Oh," Walter says to her.

"Why?" Meredith asks her.

"Just checking it wasn't yesterday, that's all," Walter says in a sigh.

And Joe and Walter realize she's not remembering the night where THEY had known Addison had tucked Meredith in after the bar thing. This was a whole other memory, entirely.

"You know I haven't slept as soundly as the time she was safe in my arms…" Meredith says dreamily.

"Not even the whole entire time, when I was with Derek…" Meredith makes this idle comparison.

"Addison didn't even care that I snore…" Meredith says wistfully all again.

"So are you still deciding or do you think you've decided?" Joe asks her, now.

"I'm like 97% for Addison right now, at least," Meredith says to them, and the percentages that match Addison's earlier confession just make Joe and Walter smile in a bit of amusement, which Meredith thinks is because she's talking math in a bar.

"What's your final pro-con about the mystery person then?" Joe says.

"They haven't told me in so freaking long," Meredith says.

"What if the mystery person is actually really great and you'd like them if you met them again, but they didn't want you to know, because they didn't want you to love them out of obligation?" Joe offers, treading lightly but wanting to start the ball rolling on that thought.

"Oh, I get that. Sort of like the same reason I wouldn't want Addison to like me because I bought her one drink. That's why I didn't make you order her two drinks…" Meredith says.

"And what if you only want Addison because that's what you know but maybe she's not as perfect as you want to believe," Walter says very gently to her.

"Yeah she's not perfect, but that makes her even better!" Meredith almost yells.

"She's so vulnerable sometimes and it's beautiful. Like she was when I was driving her to get Thai food for Derek and her and I. And she most usually does the right thing she can, and even with the cheating on Derek with Mark thing, I mean she was just so neglected and he must have been there for her and maybe this Mark Sloan person is secretly in love with her?"

"And if Mark Sloan is?" Joe asks her, hypothetically.

"Well I should ask her out and get to her first, I mean everyone is going to be ALL OVER HER tonight and it makes me want to punch someone out with my tiny, ineffectual fists at the thought of it!" Meredith exclaims.

"You know we can't have any violence in the bar, right?" Joe says to her.

"Sorry." Meredith sighs.

"By the way, Meredith, so you know your limit is four straight tequilas in a row. Your eyes glazed over at five," Joe explains to her.

"But I thought I had like six or eight when I had a memory of starting at the empty glasses," Meredith says to him.

"You might have been seeing double by then," Joe says in apology.

"Oh. Right." Meredith says.

"Thanks," she says, after.

"We're not going to let you have more than that, now," he says, and Meredith shows an appreciative smile.

Meredith asks Joe and Walter directly what happened that night, and who the 'mystery person' even is - if they know.

But Walter shakes his head at her, and Joe says that 'it's not our story to tell you,' very simply.

"They trusted us the same way you trusted us to not tell Addison you are her 'secret admirer' so you know, and understand," Joe finally says to her.

_(In the EXACT same way, in fact… Joe and Walter are thinking at each other now, but only in their heads…)_

"But-" Meredith starts to protest.

"Look, we'll tell you you got home safe. That we trusted the person who got you home. That you got helped home and care for with someone we think you can grow up into trusting. Someone good. Someone beautiful." Joe finally finishes saying to her.

"Beautiful how?" Meredith tries to pry them for answers.

"Not going to happen, Grey. We've given you plenty already as it is…" Walter cuts in.

* * *

So Meredith sighs and goes back to just talking about Addison, again.

"Do you think that I'm ready to love someone? Do you think Addison is ready to let someone love her in the way she deserves?" she asks Joe.

"Look, if I was a God, and had to pick someone to be in love with Addison; for her to fall madly in love with, it would be you, you know," Walter says softly. (In the exact same way he had said the opposite, to Addison, earlier.) Walter hasn't spoken that much to Meredith, ever, before that evening. But the words he is saying to her now are the most magical and meaningful words he could ever say.

"If you were the one loving Addison, you'd love her in a way that respected her more. She deserved more love than Derek or any boy she had been with had to offer her," he says.

And Meredith somehow thinks that this phrase sounds vaguely familiar. Maybe HER memory wasn't as clear-cut as she thought.

When he says to HER 'we accept the love we think we deserve', "But we know YOU know that. We know that you think that for Addison…"

That's the moment Meredith remembers that phrase being said around here an awful lot in recent times. Like how she said it to Bailey, about her problems. Or to Cristina when she didn't think she deserved to be loved by Izzie.

And now Meredith thinks about having said that phrase to Addison while massaging her shoulders, and how it's true that she thinks about that time a whole lot…

"Look, no matter who she is to you, and what kind of relationship that is, either way, you treated Addison Montgomery TODAY, at least, on her divorce day based on what you told us about driving her… It's just much better than Derek ever did the whole time he was seeing her, based on what we heard and know. You weren't around for that, then. But we were around for some of it. And we were a bit worried when they went home together even though they were married and even more after all of this drama." Joe says to her.

"But if she were to eventually go home with you, we would never have those sorts of doubts…" Joe says as Walter nods along with him, and they're saying this in future tense because they do mean the future.

Because even though THEY know about Addison having taken Meredith home in the past, they're talking now about Meredith taking care of Addison and taking her home in the FUTURE.

Because Meredith was most broken and bruised that night a long time ago, but it was Addison who was going to be in need of some comfort, before long, they sort of guessed.

"But what if I can never decide?" Meredith asks them.

He says "when the time is right, I think you'll know, and that's all," Joe says to her.

"Trust yourself -do you think you can?" Walter asks her.

"I think I'm growing up into someone people can trust," Meredith says to them now.

"I'm over Derek now and I have my friends at my side. I'm building up more self-respect and I'm trying to get it together," Meredith says to them confidently.

"I just have to take the leap, now or never, before long. I don't want to be like Derek when he just ditched me at a bar without giving me a yes or a no. I want to make a decision and stick with it," Meredith says.

"With either Addison or the mystery person, either way, once I know who that is and once I know I'll decide, and I won't look back and I won't wanna string the other poor person along," Meredith says, wanting to be better than what Derek did to both her AND Addison, at one point.

"Whatever makes you happy," Joe says to her finally.

"Whatever makes the person I choose, happy," Meredith insists on.

And it makes Walter and Joe almost to swoon at how perfect her answer is.

_(And as Meredith picks the last ice chips out of her glass, still looking around every two minutes for Addison to arrive, Walter and Joe look at each other hopefully, hoping that all this will work out in their favor, for both Meredith and Addison.)_

_(Because they think they could be something beautiful, someone extraordinary, even if they are both more than ordinary apart. And it would be one of the great joys of their lives, if they ever get to watch it all play out, in front of their very own eyes…)_

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

"Wow, I'm so stuffed from all that Italian food. We still have to make sure they don't give Meredith more than 4 shots tonight!" Izzie says to Cristina.

"And also, you know…" Cristina says vaguely.

"We have to talk to Joe!" Izzie says.

So Izzie and Cristina come to Joe's after Italian.

They wordlessly exchange a look with Joe and Walter to let them know he won't tell what he knows about the whole 'mystery person' plus the new 'secret admirer' thing going on, and that seems to placate both Cristina and Izzie, who, much like Joe and Walter, firmly believe that the girls need to work this one out for themselves.

Cristina asks Joe not to give Mer more than 4 shots because she blacked out the other night.

And Joe says he won't, but Mer isn't drinking tonight anyhow.

And that he's keeping an eye on Addison, but Meredith seems to have that handled.

Cristina sulks when she wasn't chosen to be on call like Meredith was, but orders a rum and coke each, for herself and Izzie.

The girls settle down to chat again, and they find that Alex is there and they just play darts until George arrives with the fries.

* * *

"You're not Addison,"

Meredith says to the voice of the boy who is hovering behind her.

"I'm not Addison but I am holding fries for you,"

George offers fries to Meredith like he says he would.

Meredith says thank you and George asks to sit but she says no and that She's saving this seat only for Addison.

He asks Meredith, then if she's having an affair with Addison.

"NO! I'm not being a dirty mistress again. And she doesn't need to be an adulterous whore anymore. She's just better than that, I can't believe you would think that!" Meredith sort of yelps at him.

"Sorry, I just, you seemed to be close and she came to your house to help with the cake while we had the car. I just was checking, that's all," George says to her, simply.

"Did you mess up my car in any way, George?" Meredith asks him.

"We cleaned up after I promise, we did!" George says to her.

"EW George, and also Alex, gross! Never tell anyone that you said that to me. Ever! I'd rather not even know!" Meredith says to him.

"Sorry," George mumbles.

"Thanks for the fries," Meredith says.

"You're welcome," says George, genuinely. "Thanks for letting us borrow your car."

"Are you going to go play darts with Izzie and Cristina and Alex?" Meredith asks him.

"You know, at one point I was sort of in love with you," George starts to admit to her.

"WHAT?" Meredith whips around at him, totally confused.

"I'm not anymore. But I was, and I just wanted you to know you're worth loving, that's all. We accept the love we think we deserve, Meredith. And that's all. I'm glad that nothing ever happened between us, though. Not that you're not hot. But I just think that if I had one night with you, rather than nothing at all than it would have been different for us. And I'm glad that it's not," George finally says to Meredith.

"We accept the love we think we deserve, George. And you can tell that to Alex, from me, too, by the way," Meredith says to him genuinely.

"And I'm glad you're my friend and nothing ever changed. And I hope you keep it that way with Cristina and also Izzie because that would be weird also," Meredith says to him.

"I think I'd rather jump in front of a moving bus than to _do_ Izzie or Cristina," says George.

"I mean they're great and all but they're a thing and I and Alex are a thing and we're just better off than whatever alternate universe that would have anything else…" George finally says to her.

"You know, when Addison was here earlier, me and Alex sort of asked her for a threesome. She turned us down. Twice." George finally admits to her.

"YOU ASKED ADDISON FORBES MONTGOMERY FOR A THREESOME WITH YOUR ALEX- ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND. GOD, YOU'RE BOTH SUCH BOYS. I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE YOU I KNOW SHE'S ALL MCHOT AND LEGGY AND FABULOUS BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN SHE HAS TO BE A PART OF YOUR WEIRD MAN-DESIRE TO SCREW A LESBIAN OR BISEXUAL OR WHO THE HELL KNOWS WHAT IT IS ABOUT BOYS LIKING GROUP SEX AND QUEER WOMEN THEY CAN'T HAVE BUT SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL! STAY AWAY FROM DOCTOR MONTGOMERY, ALRIGHT!"

Meredith is yelling now, and everyone is staring at her. George says he's sorry with big McBambi eyes, and Meredith strokes his hair and says she's sorry for yelling, and that she's madder at Alex than at George anyhow.

And Meredith apologizes to everyone in the bar, to Walter and Joe, and she doesn't look Izzie or Cristina in the eyes after that because she just KNOWS they are smirking at her, and she doesn't want them to make her blush even more than she already is.

* * *

_In a COMICAL, like 'sitcom-worthy' situation of bad or good timing (whichever)..._

The 'very McHot and leggy and fabulous' Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery arrives about ten seconds later, ringing the door open to Emerald City Bar.

" _ADDISON!_ " Meredith explains in excitement.

"Thank GOD you're not DEREK!" Meredith says, secondly.

And Addison chuckles at the fact that last time they were here, Meredith was saying the exact opposite of everything she just said.

"It's good to see you, Meredith," Addison says to her smoothly.

"I've missed you," Meredith gushes before stopping herself.

"I've missed you too," Addison says with a sigh.

"How long has it been since you two have seen each other?" Joe perks in with the question.

"A few hours, maybe it was like seven or eight-ish when we had Pad Thai for dinner?" Addison suggests to Meredith.

"Yeah it was seven-thirty when we got dinner, see this is the pickup order time I have it on my phone from when we GPS'd the instructions," Meredith smiles at her.

And the ten-bazillion-watt smile each of them is giving the other right now is better than anything, either of them, could ever truly imagine.

Meredith goes back to sit at the barstool now, not trusting herself to hug Addison without making a scene in front of everyone else.

And Addison comes up to Meredith right behind her, and Meredith motions for her to sit, moving her purse and her coat off the barstool and gesturing to the chair.

Just like the first night, just like the last time.

Except that this time, unlike the last time...

There's no hesitation at all in her step, as Addison meets Meredith's eyes.

Meredith offers for Addison to sit, and Addison does.

And Meredith grins now, in acquiescence.

* * *

"What are you drinking?" Addison asks Meredith, pointing to her glass.

"They made me switch to water, thinking that I'd get a tummyache," Meredith sighs as she says that it's water.

"Well that's gallant of them," Addison smiles and winks 'thank you' to Joe and Walter.

"It's not even ALCOHOL! They cut me off from drinking SODA!" Meredith deadpans at her rather incredulously.

_(She doesn't want to explain to Addison the whole 'it was vanilla and cherry flavored' - because I'm pretty sure that's what kissing you would taste like, thing so she just leaves this at that.)_

"Well, too much sugar isn't good for your pancreas," Addison says to her with a smirk.

"Oh, says the person who eats all the skittles and junior caramels right out of the BOX!" Meredith smirks back at her.

"Ah, no, I believe that was YOU!" Addison says in fake annoyance.

"And you were gulping down the Doctor Pepper as you'd never see liquid again!" Meredith teases her right back.

"And you were gulping down the cake and you only offered me one tiny slice!" Addison says right back to Meredith.

"You had your own _piece_ waiting for you in your office. You're lucky I even let you have that little bit!" Meredith says in fake annoyance as well.

"Which was delicious as well, after I'd digested my dinner," Addison says in a smile.

_(Addison doesn't want to say "I couldn't eat it in front of you, Meredith, without moaning obscenely, because I'm pretty sure that that's what kissing you might taste like…)_

"It was a good cake…" Meredith says with a sigh.

"It was…" Addison says with a sigh as well.

"Why did you run off to spend time with DEREK?" Meredith says with a bit of a bite to Addison.

"I was worried he'd drink himself under the table - his actual table - in his actual office…" Addison says with a sigh.

"I mean, I guess he has a right to drink himself under the table for two weeks if he wants, to, just like you do if you want to, I mean you just got a freaking _divorce_ for heck's sake…" And Addison smiles sadly at Meredith saying this to her, because she remembers the last time she'd said it and how it brought back bad memories for her about her mother's Alzheimer's.

"He didn't get too drunk though, he just went to visit John, the patient. He says hi by the way," Addison changes the subject distinctly.

"Who says hi?" Meredith asks because there are two "he" people in that last sentence.

"Oh, umm, both? I guess?" Addison doesn't know how to handle that question without saying something stupid.

_(Something stupid, like... My ex-husband, knowingly wished me good luck to get into you - his ex-girlfriend/mistress's pants, because I confessed to him about having a thing for you and being your mystery person while we were waiting to sign the final papers as a parting gift for him saying he's sort of gay and has always had a thing for his best friend Mark Sloan who you haven't met yet…)_

"Umm, thanks, I guess?" Meredith mirrors her tone and it's adorable so Addison only laughs.

"I'm so sorry I took so long," Addison apologizes genuinely to her.

"Oh, I mean don't be sorry for making sure Derek is alive. I mean I don't want him anymore and I guess you don't because you divorced him and you're sitting here now… And I mean I still don't want Derek to be like, dead and hit by a truck or anything or like becoming an alcoholic over a bad breakup, I mean I still want him to be like, okay," Meredith offers to Addison.

"That's sweet of you, Meredith," Addison doesn't know to say more.

"I still kinda want to yell at him," Meredith says to Addison, and Addison nods sort of vaguely before Meredith ever elaborates.

_(Meredith is thinking something like 'I WANT TO YELL AT HIM FOR NEGLECTING HIS SUPER SUPER SUPER SEXY OF A WIFE WHO'S SITTING BY ME RIGHT NOW AND HOLY FUCK HER SCARF LOOKS SO SEXY AND I JUST WANNA UNRAVEL IT ALL…)_

"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you were first here. Joe said you'd already been but that he didn't know if you were coming back and I just…"

Addison catches it before Meredith starts to say more.

* * *

"I don't think I'm mad you took long because I think- Were you so late because of all of… _this_?" Addison makes a motion that's gesturing up and down Meredith's body.

_(As she's raking her eyes up and down Meredith's body and holy shit, she's drop-dead-gorgeous and Addison is trying hard not to swallow hard at the sight…)_

"Maybe…" Meredith looks down shyly and blushes.

_(She was waiting for Addison to compliment her on the outfit that Addison herself had picked out… Because it was 'just so Addison' to do that, but when the moment finally came it made Meredith redden beyond belief and be at a total loss for words now, entirely.)_

"Well, it's certainly well worth the wait…" Addison nearly _purrs_.

"Th-Thanks, I mean you have exquisite taste…" Meredith says before she can stutter again.

"Well, I think it's actually YOUR taste, I mean I found all of this in YOUR ROOM," Addison insists to her, humbly.

"Well, YOU put it together!" Meredith insists, to her, strongly.

And Addison smiles and concedes, and says that she's impressed even herself with her choice.

And Meredith doesn't want this all to be super one-sided so she says that she really loves Addison's scarf. And she says "it's not weird red-and-green-thing even though usually that's weird like too much Christmas but with Addison's hair it looks…"

And Meredith can't even come up with an adjective to describe how- just drop-dead-gorgeous Addison is now.

_(As always, but especially NOW!)_

So Meredith leaves it at a half-thought.

And Meredith feels like she's won the lottery when it's _Addison's turn to blush now._

And when the redness creeps up Addison's pale skin it makes Meredith bite her cheek not to moan out or something.

"You know, it's not your job anymore, Derek isn't your job. He needs to stand on his own two feet and not use you or me for his emotional support," Meredith says seriously to Addison.

"Oh," Addison says to her as if she's never considered it.

"You've helped him through, too, you know. You helped him understand that day he thought I saw sleeping around on him again, you stood up to him, you know and I never thanked you for that fully," Addison says to her.

"You're too kind for your own good sometimes, you know," Meredith says to her in a passion, before she can decide to regret it.

"So are you…" Addison says right away in reaction. "You're too good for your own good, sometimes…" Addison finishes her sentence.

And there's a moment where they look at each other in silence.

They don't know what to say, because they want to say everything and anything and all of it.

But they also just want to enjoy this warm silence, enjoying each other's presence.

Somewhere along in the bitterness…

Meredith might have expected Addison to chew her out and demand to know if she was her 'secret admirer' who sent her a drink earlier in that evening.

Or for Meredith to chew Addison out to demand to know if she's the goddamn 'mystery person' who sent her that note and the aspirins in the morning.

But Addison doesn't. And Meredith doesn't. And neither of them wants to try to even go there now.

So instead they just sit together, feeling not at all alone anymore, in the Emerald City Bar as they stir their drinks with their straws and let the sharp bite of the ice cubes feel cool upon their weary lips.

And for some inexplicable reason Meredith and Addison each feel somehow soothed by the solemn grace that is their current - and no longer _at all unlikely,_ companionship.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Derek Shepherd sits by John and asks him if he's insane if he's relieved but still angry that his ex-wife has the hots for his ex-girlfriend.

"Well, can you blame your wife for having such exquisite taste?" John asks him with a bit of a tease.

"Well, no. I guess I can't," Derek says to him back.

"Case in point," says John.

"I still want them both to be happy," says Derek, wistfully.

"And what if that happens to be with each other?" John asks Derek directly.

"I think I need another scotch," Derek laughs.

"I won't tell," Johns says. "But can I text your ex-wife from your phone a message, for a second?" he asks.

"Sure, she likes you," Derek says to him, trustingly as John had shared with only him the letter from Raj that he had received.

* * *

**Text Message, 21:49, Location: Seattle**

_Derek Christopher Shepherd to Addison Forbes Montgomery_

**DEREK**

[This is John the patient borrowing Derek's phone.]

[Derek is safe here with me.]

[I won't let him drink himself under the table.]

[Not alone, at least.]

[Good luck.]

[And be honest.]

[Yours, truly, John.]

_Derek Christopher Shepherd marks this conversation as 'read'._

When Derek reads these messages on his phone later, he smiles at John's wisdom to give Addison the reassurance she needed to let go of her guilt for the evening.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

"You know, Meredith just told me off for asking Addison to have a threesome with us," George says to Alex but in front of Izzie and Cristina.

"She really does have the same scarf," Alex says to him.

"What scarf?" Izzie asks him, with interest.

"So Addison has this scarf, and there was this girl wandering around our house a while back, who was examining our doormat. Then she sort of ran away. She looked like Addison," says Alex.

"And when we asked Addison if she had a thing for doormats she just said she almost tripped on Meredith's doormat when she was there like, earlier with the cake and stuff," George says.

"Well, she WAS getting the cake at Meredith's house," Cristina chimes in.

"Wait, go back to you saying someone was sneaking around the house looking at the doormat - when was that?" Izzie asks.

When they tell her, Izzie has the recognition to place this with when Meredith suddenly had her house key back, and Addison no longer had an extra one.

"Guys, I think Addison had Meredith's house key, and she was sneaking around the house and around the doormat because she was returning it!" Izzie pieces most of the story together.

And the boys consider this part of the story thing and try to make sense of it all.

"But why would Addison have Meredith's house key?" Alex asks her.

"I asked Meredith if she was having an affair with Addison but she wanted to bite my head off and she said that she wasn't" George just shrugs at them.

"Well, I mean Meredith had Addison's car keys, earlier. It can't be THAT weird, can it?" Cristina says, trying to diffuse the situation...

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Addison and Meredith are talking about the potted plant again.

"Thanks for getting the right plant food. I haven't had a chance to feed it yet, poor thing, but at least I know the food's compatible thanks to your expertise," Meredith says to Addison,

"No problem, thank YOU for driving," Addison says to her very genuinely.

"I'm still keeping your keys, hostage because you're drinking tonight!" Meredith says to Addison, and Addison smiles both at the 'knight in shining _whatever_ ' sort of gesture, and also as she sees Meredith running her fingers over the keys as she had done with Meredith's.

"Mm, you know these Gin and Tonics are delicious…" Addison says off-topic because she's starting to feel the effects of the drinks.

"How many is that for you?" Meredith says to her all concerned.

"Mm, two maybe three?" Addison says it's a bit uncertain.

"JOE! Cut her off at FOUR, would you?" Meredith calls out to him as he and Walter give Meredith a thumbs up.

"I'm NOT A LIGHTWEIGHT!" Addison says a bit offended but mostly moved by Meredith's intense care of her.

"Look, even if you're not there's enough gross stuff at work. Look if you were to be sick I'd hold your hair and do the back rubbing thing and stay with you, but personally I hate getting sick from drinking and I don't want you to have that happen to you if we can help it," Meredith says to her.

_(And the precious 'we' that slipped into Meredith's sentence just now is tangling beautiful butterflies all up in Addison's being…)_

"You treat that plant so well, you know," Meredith says to Addison in appreciation.

"I have a certain fondness for it," Addison tries to sound casual.

_(And not like, "I feel guilty about that plant because it's sort of my fault I bumped into you and you bumped into it and it fell off the counter on the night you don't remember anymore… And I feel like it's my fault it's broken so I want to help it become all healed and whole all over again…)_

"You have a certain fondness for taking care of broken things," Meredith says philosophically.

"I'm s _surgeon_ , Grey. It comes with the territory. And for what it's worth, so are you…" Addison says semi-coherently.

"I'm very fond of you, you know," Meredith says to Addison, and that's the closest thing to a sort of confession she can manage yet.

_(About the 'secret admirer' thing. About the 'taking over your service' thing. About the 'I really freaking like you, thing…')_

"I'm very fond of you, too you know," Addison says, to Meredith and that's the closest thing to a sort of confession she can manage yet.

_(About the 'mystery person' thing. About the 'tucking you in at least twice' thing. About the 'I really freaking like you, thing…')_

* * *

And all of the rushes of emotions takes over Meredith now, as she sees Addison looking at her, so powerfully.

And Meredith sees in her eyes that she also might be about to say something profound to her, about her, about who knows what but maybe she's thinking it too…

And it's just all so overwhelming because it might be REALLY REALLY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

And it's all just so sudden and real and intense.

And Meredith can't imagine again how nice Addison is, and how she doesn't think that she's good enough for her ( _even though Addison is thinking the very same thing about Meredith…)_

They think of confessing but can't seem to get the words out… So Meredith changes the subject, instead.

"You know, the reason I was so sad when I thought you weren't coming, earlier, is because most people who ever loved me once abandoned me. My father left when I was five…"

Meredith says this all sad, now, and Addison can't help to reach an arm around the blonde's shoulder.

"My father, 'The Captain Montgomery,' was always screwing his secretaries behind everyone's back. He would make me wait with ice cream as an excuse to spend time with random women," Addison says to relate to Meredith's troubles.

"Well it seems we have yet another something to talk about, together," Meredith says to her sweetly.

"Yes, I suppose we do," Addison says to her in a laugh.

_(How is it that Meredith, stone-cold-sober, says almost exactly the same things as she said that night when she was drunken, and only I remember… Addison wonders.)_

"I'm sorry your dad was a filthy whore," Meredith says to her empathetically.

"Umm, thanks, Meredith," says Addison.

"I think my mommy was a filthy whore as well," Meredith says to her, as Addison tries not to confirm or deny that for her.

* * *

"Do you want to hear something funny?" Addison says to take Meredith away from that all.

"YES!" Meredith exclaims immediately.

"My name used to be 'Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd' it really was," she says to her directly, by now convinced that quotes from that first night did not really spark many memories for Meredith.

"HOLY SHIT!" Meredith curses and it makes a smile curl on Addison's lips.

"God, I'm so glad I never ended up with Derek's name, either. Can you imagine someone calling me 'Mrs. Shepherd' at some sort of breakfast fundraiser?" Meredith exclaims to Addison loudly.

"I think if that happened, hypothetically, I mean, that you would scream at Derek something about needing to be rewarded with lots and lots of sex, and then him saying something like 'yes, dear'," Addison manages to say all of that without her voice breaking anywhere.

"Hypothetical love is not dead," Meredith offers, and Addison turns the phrase over in her mind and tries to make sense of it all.

"Was it hard? For you to leave him? I mean?" Addison asks her, profoundly. Ages ago, this question would have been laced with bitterness and maybe even some malice. But there's none and neither of those things in Addison's question, now. Not even at all…

"Not really, I mean, after I saw how he lied to me, lied to you, just I don't know. I never really left him, he sort of left me and when he tried to follow me; I guess I just didn't stop for him.

And it should have sounded inelegant, but it didn't at all.

And Addison holds her breath a little bit, expecting Meredith to ask her back the same question, but she doesn't.

And then Addison realizes she's already sort of said that when she said the whole 'I should have stepped aside…" speech the other day with John the patient in the room with them.

And speaking of John the patient, Addison feels her phone vibrating with a text message, which just coincidentally turns out to be him.

"John the patient is taking care of Derek for us, tonight," Addison reads out to Meredith (without mentioning the other texts about John wishing Addison good luck with her… who knows what…)

"That's really nice of him. Can you send him a smiley face emoji from me?" Meredith asks, as Addison does, and then shuts off her phone completely because she knows everything she needs to know now and she trusts John the patient wholeheartedly.

"Thanks for saying 'us' just then," Meredith says to her, and Addison has to think about Meredith's question before she understands it.

"I know you cared for Derek once, as well. You still care that he's okay, don't you?" Addison says.

"Yeah. I do," Meredith sighs.

And for some unreasonable reason, it makes Addison want to reach out and lay her hands on top of Meredith's hands and give them a reassuring squeeze. As a sort of apology for texting about Derek when she's sat here with HER. But she doesn't. She continues with what she was going to say anyway.

"Hell, you hardly know me but at least you understand me like this. "Addison says even more desperately. She feels like she's shouting even though she's hardly speaking above a whisper.

"We're the I dated Derek once and now life… Well, I don't know. I was going to say 'life sucks' but I think 'life is complicated' is more freaking accurate…" Meredith says to Addison now.

"Cheers to another on that one," Addison says to Meredith now.

She wanted to reach out and hold Meredith's hand. But she didn't. And she doesn't now, either.

 _(She wants to say to her "_ _just like you, you know, I now have a ton of friends here in Seattle, well some of them are the both of our friends..."_

_"I came out here to get Derek back and I have all of my other friends in New York so really right now I have lots of friends and the alcohol, And I think I might be drunk also,")_

"So you have no one to drink with you, other than me, I mean?" Meredith asks boldly, knowing Addison could have all the company she wanted if she asked for it.

"It's not like I have no one to drink with me, I have you" Addison answers more boldly.

"So you're drinking with me," Meredith asks in another question like she wants to say more.

"Yes, so I'm drinking with you" Addison answers again but without all the lace of 'more, more, more' that either of them would expect to come out of Addison's mouth after all of that alcohol in her system has lifted her inhibitions.

And Meredith wants to say something so she says, "I'm happy to be drinking with just you, too…"

"I shut my phone off, so we can talk now and it can be 'just us' now. Just us and no one else interrupting..." Addison says as if she's working up to even more.

And Meredith also understands the implication of Addison's statement.

And Meredith realizes this is the moment she should say something. Say anything. Say everything…

But she's so scared of a potential rejection after all of that, or that she'll not be rejected and have Addison say yes to her because she's drunk and then break her heart in two all later and all the terrible things that could happen are swirling around in Meredith's mind now that the moment has come.

And the rush of panic and fear and angst is so strong it brings tears to Meredith's eyes. And she shudders as she slides off the bar stool, and runs off to the washroom.

She's not sick at all, she's just upset. And it breaks Addison's heart in two to see her sad.

So she follows her, just like she followed Meredith there the first time.

She follows her in her heels, trying to match Meredith's quick pace in only her 'kitten heels', as she reaches out to catch Meredith's arm before she's too far away, but she doesn't.

So all Addison can do is to keep following Meredith, hoping with everything that she has she will eventually catch her…

* * *

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******* END OF CHAPTER 32**

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

_As I mentioned before, there's more to this chapter and YES there will be lots more MerAdd interaction in the coming one._

_It's cut off here, though, at a bit of an angsty way and I do apologize… But also I don't because angst is a good genre..._

_They're saying 'a lot of things' and doing 'a lot of things' and it's all just right under the surface._

_And it's all these implicit promises and maybe's._

_**And wow, am I a sucker for "soon".** _

* * *

**THANKS FOR READING, LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

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_Yours, truly, bobbiejelly_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all, again this is the only thing updated today, as I work at the very crux of this story and try to post longer chapters.  
> :D


	33. I Will Follow You Into The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Addison follows Meredith into the washroom to continue their conversation.  
> Meanwhile, the interns figure out more of the mystery.  
> One of the get the courage to...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, thanks for the recent kudos and comments :D

_Author's Note:_

_Additionally, I have some favorite books. Can you tell? Let me know :)_

_Have been looking forward to writing this chapter since I began the story!_

_It's funny, as an author to have favorite chapters, but I do, and this is one of them._

_(Along with Chapter 4, Let It Be… And probably Chapter 13, BOT part 3…)_

_This is the longest chapter so far, ever, and it's all for the FANS!_

_This one, I feel it could almost be a one-shot on its own… Almost._

_Let me know that when you finish it, I love to hear from you._

_Hope you enjoy :D_

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_**PREVIOUSLY ON "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING":** _

* * *

_**Meredith knew, somehow, that today will be the end of the world for someone, somewhere. And apparently, this time, unlike the last time, the power would be all in her hands.** _

_**Addison knew, somehow, that today will be the end of the world for someone, somewhere. And apparently, this time, unlike the last time, the power would be all in her hands.** _

As Meredith and Addison processed all of these thoughts, they couldn't wait to escape it all.

They couldn't wait to get out of the Seattle Grace McHospital.

They couldn't wait to take a goddamned break from this 'game' or this godforsaken 'arena'.

**Addison and Meredith knew, somehow, that as soon as they did it, they knew they'd escape it, today.**

**Somehow, they knew they won't be spending another night in** _ **this**_ **arena; not like this, at least... Not each alone left with all of their questions, yet without any answers…**

* * *

_END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE._

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by me, bobbiejelly . NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 33: I Will Follow You Into The Dark**

* * *

_"It's not like I have no one to drink with me, I have you" Addison answers more boldly._

_"So you're drinking with me," Meredith asks in another question like she wants to say more._

_"Yes, so I'm drinking with you" Addison answers again but without all the lace of 'more, more, more' that either of them would expect to come out of Addison's mouth after all of that alcohol in her system has lifted her inhibitions._

_And Meredith wants to say something so she says, "I'm happy to be drinking with just you, too…"_

_"I shut my phone off, so we can talk now and it can be 'just us' now. Just us and no one else interrupting..." Addison says as if she's working up to even more._

_And Meredith also understands the implication of Addison's statement._

_And Meredith realizes this is the moment she should say something. Say anything. Say everything…_

_But she's so scared of a potential rejection after all of that, or that she'll not be rejected and have Addison say yes to her because she's drunk and then break her heart in two all later and all the terrible things that could happen are swirling around in Meredith's mind now that the moment has come._

_And the rush of panic and fear and angst is so strong it brings tears to Meredith's eyes. And she shudders as she slides off the barstool, and runs off to the washroom._

_She's not sick at all, she's just upset. And it breaks Addison's heart in two to see her sad._

_So she follows her, just like she followed Meredith there the first time._

_She follows her in her heels, trying to match Meredith's quick pace in only her 'kitten heels', as she reaches out to catch Meredith's arm before she's too far away, but she doesn't._

_So all Addison can do is to keep following Meredith, hoping with everything that she has she will eventually catch her…_

* * *

Walter talks to Joe about seeing them walk into the washroom together for the second time.

They ponder what will happen behind closed doors there together.

But they're not worried. Not worried, for either of them, in the slightest…

They go to post a note on the door to the washroom, telling everyone to use the other one.

They want to give the girls a little privacy, this is not something either of them needs an audience for...

* * *

Meredith goes to the washroom to freshen up as she's crying.

She runs her hands under cold, cold water, just as Addison had done earlier when she was overwhelmed.

Addison follows her and finally ends up in the same room, seeing Meredith sat down and leaned up against the very wall that she and Meredith had leaned against the last time they were here.

Meredith motions for Addison to sit down next to her, and Addison does.

Meredith scooches herself so that she's shoulder to shoulder with Addison, just like they had been in that supply closet that one time.

"You know you always smell like lavender," Addison says as she brings the tip of her nose to the top of Meredith's head and inhales.

"You smell like brown sugar," says Meredith, then, to Addison. "Brown sugar and spice, it smells really nice" Meredith giggles at her own rhymes.

"Brown Sugar and Lavender…" Meredith says to Addison, "That sounds like a really good love story," she says.

"What about Lavender Desires?" Addison asks her.

"Mm, maybe that, too," Meredith laughs.

"Or 'When I Fall' because apparently I do that every time I try to buy snacks," Addison says with a bit of self-deprecating humor.

"As long as the sequel is 'In Your Arms' Meredith smirks at her. "I saved you from a concussion you would be bleeding if I hadn't been there by then" Meredith quips.

"Right but then the follow up would have to be 'Never Let Go' because…" Addison doesn't want to finish that sentence so she leaves it blank and hopes that Meredith changes the subject, and luckily, Meredith does.

"You know what would be a TERRIBLE name for a love story?" Meredith asks Addison.

"What?" Addison asks her, intrigued.

"The look who dated Derek and now life sucks club," a novel" Meredith laughs and Addison tries not to be paranoid about Meredith finding that funny because she's said that before and she doesn't remember.

"Oh I got the worst one of all," Addison says to her.

"What, really? If you say something funnier I'm going to have a heart attack laughing," Meredith says to her.

"If I were to invent the stupidest and ridiculous and outrageous 'love story' of all time, I think that I'd call it all 'Faceplanting and Failing to Inhale," Addison says to Meredith who quirks up at her without fully understanding.

"Because we're crumbling to the floor and hardly exhaling now, and we're laughing at the stupidest titles for hypothetical love stories as if 'hypothetical love is not dead'. And we're dying laughing at how insane our lives have become after Derek," Addison says to her.

"Derek's not even a terrible guy," Meredith says to her. "I don't want him back, I know I already said that but I'm saying it again. It's just that he's done awful things to both of us and I still want to tear him a new one, but he's not actually terrible," Meredith says in all seriousness.

"He's not a terrible guy," Addison says to her, honestly, wishing she could say more about why he really wasn't as terrible and actually could relate more to them both than anyone else even knew. But Addison knows she can't say that, so she says this instead:

"I don't want him back, either, just for the record," Addison laughs again.

"Well I'd sure hope so I mean you just chopped his name off your own I think that's pretty decisive, says Meredith, again laughing at Addison's RIDICULOUSLY long name.

"True, that is true," says Addison with a sigh.

"Do you really miss having a ring on your finger?" Meredith asks Addison, seriously.

"Only the way that it felt on my digit, and that I used to twirl it into my hands when I'd get sad," Addison answers her honestly.

"I do this thing with my keys when I'm stressed; I rub them around in my hand," Meredith says to her.

And Addison feels heart warmed at the thought that Meredith has been doing this as well and that she'd even say that all out loud, but she didn't want to say that she liked to do this, too.

"Hey, Addie. Your lips look a bit dry" Meredith says sort of innocently, but it makes Addison flush to realize Meredith had been staring at her lips.

"Oh, I guess?" Addison tries not to stammer, entirely.

"Here," Meredith offers her the very tube of lipstick Addison had planted in her outfit.

And Addison's widen at Meredith's clearly calculated exchange.

"You know, it really is your color, too," Addison says to her, applying the lipstick as Meredith is mesmerized by this, and all Meredith is thinking is that it was, in fact, the same color that Addison used on herself.

"It makes your lips look-" Meredith was going to say 'like candy' or something cringe like that but then she reconsiders it and settles on a mumble like 'good' or 'nice' or 'what' and then she flushes and looks away.

"Are you feeling a bit better?" Addison bails her out of the awkward response and notices Meredith is no longer crying.

"Yeah, I'm just tired and sore," Meredith sighs because she's not ready to get into it, yet.

"I might know just the thing," Addison offers to Meredith, and Meredith doesn't know at all what Addison is implying until she feels Addison's strong hands atop her shoulders.

"You don't have to if you don't-" Meredith offers for Addison to stop if she doesn't want to.

_(But holy hell did Addison WANT TO, she's wanted to do this since Meredith gave her that massage in the scrub room. Her fingers ached to be in physical contact with her… So, so, much…)_

* * *

"Here, let me. I don't want to feel like I owe you…" Addison starts massaging Meredith's shoulders, in the way that Meredith had done to hers, only mere hours ago.

_('I don't want to feel like I owe you…' Those words echoed in Meredith's and Addison's mind…)_

_(Ages ago, Meredith might have thought that Addison meant she didn't want to feel like she owed Meredith for showing up in Seattle and screwing up her McLife plans.)_

_(And maybe that was still the case. Maybe Addison still has all of that self-loathing bubbling right under the surface. She's played a part in Meredith Grey's unhappiness. And she hates herself for it…)_

"You don't owe me, you know," Meredith says in a way that Addison knows she's not even talking about 'this' at all.

"I do," Addison replies sadly.

"No, you don't," Meredith says to her.

"Meredith, you apologized for more than once to me about dating Derek when you didn't even know he was married. And I already told you it didn't matter we would have been done anyhow…" Addison trails off a bit.

"And I accepted your apology so you don't have to keep blaming yourself for all that. We would have gotten a divorce somewhere along in the bitterness, and it feels better now, now that it's over…" Addison says to her seriously.

"Are you going to try to apologize to me for showing up in Seattle? Because you don't need to. Like I said you don't owe me that, you WERE his wife and you had every right to follow him and chase him and try to make him chase you back but he was chasing me and I let him…" Meredith continues.

"I do owe you an apology. I called you 'the woman who's been screwing my husband' before I even knew what your name was. That's something I can apologize for," Addison says.

"Plus the whole speech I gave you that time about not wanting someone who doesn't want me back, but if there was the slightest chance that he'd wanted me back I wasn't going to even leave Seattle," Addison says to her. She's never apologized truly, for that one. Even when Meredith brought it up the last time they were both drunk here at Joe's which of course, Meredith doesn't remember now.

"Does this mean you're leaving Seattle, now!?" Meredith spins right around with a scared and shocked look in her eye as if she had never fully considered that possibility until that very day.

"No, I'm not leaving Seattle," Addison offers Meredith a reassuring smile and a pat on the back as Meredith turns back around and leans into her again, making a nudging noise to get Addison to keep massaging her shoulders.

"But I thought you had no reason to stay?" Meredith says, not remembering the reprise of this conversation, but remembering vividly the original.

"I didn't, I didn't have a reason to stay, not back then," Addison says rather reflexively.

_('But now that reason is YOU…' Addison bites herself back from saying that aloud…)_

"And now?" Meredith asks her hopefully.

"I'm staying, I'm not going anywhere," Addison says with a happy sigh, not elaborating at all on her reasons.

And Meredith decides that's enough for her, now. Because Addison is not leaving, not going back to New York to be with her… Whoever this 'not Derek' but… Mark? The person is the person who slept with her while she was still married.

Seduced Addison in the way that was so much grosser than Meredith going home with Derek without KNOWING the whole story. But this Mark person, HE knew the whole story. He was Derek's best friend and he betrayed him and played on his wife's insecurities. God Meredith wanted to just punch him in the goddamned face with her tiny, ineffectual fists.

_(Meredith really did have more of a temper these days…)_

"Are you gonna ever live somewhere here?" Meredith asks, and Addison has no idea why Meredith would know she's staying at a hotel room, but she guesses it was probably Derek who mentioned her not coming back to the trailer, and that she had a fondness for the Archfield.

_(Addison's breath catches here because she has no idea what Meredith might be about to say to her…)_

"Look, I'm not asking you to move in with me, if that's why you stopped moving your hands on my shoulders all a sudden and just froze up for. All I'm saying is; Cristina needs a roommate and she asked me to ask around for her…" Meredith says.

"But why doesn't she live with Izzie?" Addison asks her.

"Izzie lives in my house, and I like having her around, and they're not ready for something like that," Meredith says to her simply.

"Plus, I mean she'd be an easy roommate in some ways because Cristina IS already almost always probably going to be in Izzie's room anyway, just not like 'officially moved in and doesn't have her apartment," kind of way.

"Look I know you're drunk right now this is not something I'm asking you to do now, it's just eventually if you're actually staying like you think you are, you probably want more in Seattle to call your own than just your Mercedes," Meredith says to her softly.

And Addison didn't realize that Meredith had made that connection, that her car was her life, and her home…

_('And essentially you just trusted Meredith Grey to DRIVE your home around and keep the keys to it on PURPOSE'… Addison's mind says to her…)_

"I manage…" Addison says, humbly, not wanting to say to Meredith 'I have a twenty-five-million-dollar-trust-fund."

"Yeah, I bet you're a gazillionaire," Meredith says to her in a joke.

"What makes you say that, Grey," Addison asks her, shocked.

"Your car is like from the year you were _seventeen_ ," Meredith says.

"And?" Addison asks her.

"Most people don't own their cars at that age," Meredith shrugs a bit.

"Oh, well," Addison starts to… She doesn't know. Because most people _she_ knew all had cars at seventeen...

"Look, I watched a bit, when you went into the conference room with Derek. I saw the lawyers talking about your assets and houses and stuff. Bailey just had her hand on my shoulder and said that 'it's happening' and that's why I watched. I never saw anything after Derek told them to make changes. I left after that, but I heard, I mean about the trust fund, that's all…" Meredith confesses at least this part, to Addison.

"Oh," Addison says. And she's sort of relieved because, in her hypothetical world where she could eventually date Meredith, she didn't know how to tell her about her finances. Finances were always complicated in relationships, and Derek was a millionaire in his own right.

But with Meredith as an intern, by contrast, it was awkward because Addison never wanted to come off as some sort of stuck up vain person about all her money. Even though at least Meredith owned her mother's old house, still she didn't want to pry...

"You know it doesn't change the way I think of you. It doesn't make you like you _less_ or _more_ than before that day when I didn't know. And I know your hotel has room service probably and all kinds of nice things like that or something... But I just think that living somewhere stable... Might make you feel more like a real person again- and not a tourist or a wanderer or an adulturous whore" Meredith says to Addison eventually.

And even though that sentence just included the words 'adulterous whore' in reference to Addison... It's one of the many perfect things for Meredith to say to Addison Montgomery now. One of those many perfect things for Addison to ever hear... Especially from Meredith Grey...

* * *

"Meredith, we accept the love we think we deserve," Addison says to her breathlessly.

Addison is saying this to her now, because the last time she's said this to Meredith, Addison knows that Meredith doesn't remember it.

And she wants Meredith to remember her saying that, the same way that Meredith had said it to HER when she had her own hands on top of Addison's shoulders.

"When you say that I know that you're saying it about yourself as well," Meredith says to her sadly, as she presses her back reassuringly into Addison's body.

_(Meredith doesn't remember this of course, but that was what Meredith had been thinking the very first time when she was drunk and hurt and alone, and she heard that phrase directed at her, falling from Addison's lips… And it made Meredith so endeared to Addison at the time, and it made Meredith so endeared to Addison, even more so, now.)_

"Oh," Addison sighs. "I guess you're right about that," Addison finally says to her, sadly.

"It makes my chest hurt when I see you're in pain," Meredith says.

"Likewise, it makes my chest hurt when I see you're in pain," Addison says back to her.

_(Meredith wants to say something like 'you take my pain away…' but she doesn't…)_

_(Addison wants to say something like 'you take my pain away…' but she doesn't…)_

"That's really nice, you're really good at that, you know," Meredith sighs as Addison works her fingers through the knots in her back.

_('Addison's DOUBLE-BOARD-CERTIFIED-RESEARCHER-SURGEON-AMAZING-AND-MAGICAL-MULTI-MILLION-DOLLAR-EARNING-DOTOR-HANDS...Are running over my weary muscles and holy hell do it feel nice…' Meredith thinks to herself...)_

"Well, that's comforting. I think I'm just trying to do what you did to me, earlier…I just don't want to owe you even a back rub, either."

Addison says sort of bluntly, but it makes Meredith heat up a bunch because what she'd been doing to Addison earlier was to try to extract as many moans of pleasure as she possibly could as she gave Addison a back rub in the goddamned 'pick me, choose me, love me' of a scrub room…

* * *

Addison runs her long fingertips on Meredith's shoulder blades and allows her thumbs to sink into the tender patches under Meredith's ribs.

Meredith thinks to herself it's a good thing she's sober tonight, because if she had been drinking she would have called out.

Addison runs her thumbs in all the knots and hot spots in Meredith's upper back. Meredith WAS enjoying just the release of those well-worn knots in her back because they were always still there after all of those long surgeries…

Meredith closed her eyes and decided to let herself have this moment without any regrets…

Addison circles her thumbs and the other fingers of her hands were caressing Meredith's lats and her sides and it made Meredith melt even more.

Sensing Meredith relaxing, Addison sighs into the contact and continues to rub and apply pressure where she could feel Meredith tensing.

Addison closed her eyes as well, so she could just _feel_ and _sense_ where Meredith needed her hands all to be.

It was instinctive, just like in the O.R, Addison found herself finding all of the malignancies and teasing them out of Meredith. As all of the ingrown muscle sores washed away from Meredith's consciousness, she found herself just sighing into how much she missed being touched, herself.

As Meredith had thought of, earlier to herself, Meredith was mainly a giver, in sexual encounters, mostly, but also in the realms of more platonic caretaking touches that she also offered on occasion to some of her friends when they needed them.

Cristina doesn't usually like to be touched, but she had Meredith work out the knots in her fingers sometimes. Izzie liked to have her back stroked, and George and Alex would sometimes like if Meredith ran their fingers through their hair when they were all of them watching a movie. It wasn't at all sexual with them, just Meredith taking care of them. But she never once asked for any or all of that back.

And now, with Addison, she didn't even have to ask. In fact, she had all but refused when Addison started to massage her tender shoulders because she didn't feel like she deserved it, or that she'd earned it enough, or that she was worth it…

Derek never did this for her. Idly, she wonders if Derek ever touched Addison like this, but somehow the way Meredith remembers the knots worn into Addison's back gives her THAT answer. Addison's back had felt like no one had taken care of her in ages, and it broke Meredith's heart a bit...

Addison was working her fingers into Meredith's extremely tender trap muscles now, just at the crest of her neck. Meredith winces a bit at just HOW sore that spot is, and Addison feels the sharp intake of breath and wordlessly backs off a bit to massage that area lighter with her whole palms until Meredith could handle her fingers again.

It's that wordless communication their bodies seemed to have with each other, the way they seemed to instinctively know what the other needed without having to say a damn word… Meredith was used to having that instinct for others, but she wasn't used to someone being able to read her body that way.

Usually, she had to do all the work. And now, it was Addison doing all of this for her and she seemed to really ENJOY it, almost.

"Are you still wanting to?" Meredith bursts out just to check. She doesn't want Addison to feel obligated by her, but Addison just waves her concerns away, saying she really likes helping her. And it really is the truth.

Addison was also a giver. She had also been touchy with all of her friends. It was one of her love languages, the way she showed and received affection. That's why it was so hard for her when Derek stopped touching her. And how hard it was to resist Mark because he liked to be touched a lot, too…

Addison had ached earlier, to give Meredith this touch, back the way she had received it.

She would have flipped Meredith and done the same for her, then, but they did have to get to the party, and also, Addison was about to explode at that point and she didn't think that touching Meredith more at that point would be a very good idea.

Perhaps it wasn't now, but Addison had had at least three-and-a-half Gin and Tonics so her concept of right and less right was blurry and she really did want to make Meredith feel good…

* * *

Eventually, Addison remembers something that Meredith had done for her when giving her a massage. Addison had never done this before, but she thought that she'd try it.

Addison shivers as she remembers the feeling of Meredith's tender fingers wrapping their way around her hair close to the scalp, and then tugging slightly so it hit every nerve in her head.

It made Addison feel amazing, and she wanted amazing for Meredith. So Addison curled her hands all through Meredith's hair just like Meredith had done.

She played with the beautiful dirty-blonde locks and she thought that Meredith's hair was so gorgeous this way. Addison weaved her hands right in, and slowly closed her first a little to see how Meredith might react to it.

The results were palpable. Meredith moaned out despite herself, and she put her hand in her mouth to stop herself from calling out more.

Addison smirks at the action and takes this as the reaction she needed to keep going on. Addison uses both of her hands to circle over Meredith's scalp and massage it more with her fingers.

And every once in a while she would use Meredith's little trick; she would wrap some of Meredith's hair in her hand and squeeze it into her first to make Meredith moan.

It occurs to Addison, then, that she should have known Meredith would like this, because SHE liked it, and Derek always seemed to need to hold on to something during- So it would seem reasonable to her that he would have picked someone who's hair he could pull on…

And after that thought, she wanted to forget Derek again so she re-focused on Meredith and brought both of her hands to Meredith's scalp and pulled a large tangle of hair before tugging. And the moan that resonated from Meredith's lips was so obscene that Addison kept tugging again.

* * *

She started to do this more and more often, because of the sounds and the feeling of Meredith's groans were Addison's newfound Addiction. Cheetos be damned because touching Meredith and having Meredith moan out for her, FUCK Addison was using all of her self-control right now.

Truthfully, Addison just wanted to skip all the formalities and latch her lips to Meredith's earlobes and suck them until she screamed. Addison has no idea why she knows this about Meredith, but the other day when Addison had almost bitten her ear, she'd never seen Meredith look so disheveled in that very instant.

And Addison wanted all of that and more, more, MORE… Addison wanted everything from Meredith Grey, damn did she want to. Addison has no idea where all of this sexual energy is coming from because she didn't even know she was GAY before she met GREY.

But hell on high water she wanted her. She really wanted her. Addison's fingers ached to run up and down Meredith's whole body… But she didn't. Because she hadn't confessed to Meredith yet and it wouldn't be right.

God, she hated all this. She just wanted it all to be over. She'd divorced Derek. Meredith had dumped her McDreamy. Yes, those two were the same person. And now they were both hot and single and wanting and on the goddamn bar floor of Joe's. And she still couldn't have her!

And still, all Addison wanted is her, despite this. The dress definitely helped. And the necklace. And the heels. And the lipstick, oh, the lipstick entitled 'elevator love letter', the most favorite of Addison's collection she wanted to see atop Meredith's lips…

And it didn't help, either, that Addison knew exactly what underwear Meredith was wearing right now. She's wearing that black set and the nude bra and all of it lace… Addison would be turned on by the sight of those panties of Meredith if they had been absently found in a pocket, or even on a bulletin board or an exam room for all that she cared.

Ok, Addison was starting to get hot now, as she kept massaging Meredith's back and also her head now. She was applying more fervor to her strokes to Meredith's head and her motions were firmer on Meredith's neck.

She remembers how hot this made her when Meredith had touched Addison's neck and the thought of all of it caused Addison's pants to feel tighter and her whole body to flush and blush. She's glad Meredith can't see her now because she's sort of a mess.

She wasn't even fully aware of the effect she was having on Meredith, who was sitting cross-legged in front of her, feeling her panties growing more and more covered in slick arousal. Addison had her hands in G-Rated places but the reactions her body was having were so NOT even close to PG…

Meredith could feel her insides clench at Addison's tender touches and the sweet words she had been saying to her already. Meredith feels herself grow hot hot hot and her face gets red red red. She's glad Addison can't see her right now because she's sort of a mess...

* * *

And then Addison needed more contact than this, so she started leaning in with her head and her mouth. She started to lean over towards Meredith's ear. She wanted to nibble on the tip of her ear. And bite it and suck it and nibble on Meredith's earlobe and she bet Meredith might like that and-

And Meredith could feel Addison's hot breath on her neck and her hairline and near her ear. And Meredith could feel Addison come closer and closer. And Meredith felt so hot and bothered by all of Addison's touches. And oh, she wanted Addison so, so much.

And Addison smelled like brown sugar and spice and everything nice and she was so impossibly close now. And her lips were only inches away from her because Meredith could hear Addison's heavy breathing approaching her skin.

And Meredith could feel Addison's lips nearly graze the tip of her skin at the top of her earlobe. And Meredith closed her eyes and indulged at the moment until she could feel the hotness of Addison's lips on her skin. She could feel Addison's lips just brush close enough to feel them...

And before Addison could continue, Meredith spun around and separated herself from the other one and faced her, looking her right in the eye. And Addison leaned into her, and Meredith leaned in just enough so their foreheads were pressed together and they could still see each other's eyes.

And Addison could feel Meredith's baby blues, and Meredith could see Addison's eyes range from blue to green to darker as she could read the pure lust that swirled around into them. And Meredith could see the desire, the want, and the need in the other woman.

And God did she want her right now. She wanted her. And before Meredith could think, her hands were wrapped around Addison's face, brushing Addison's cheek and Addison's hands were in Meredith's hair again, clinging on for dear life for what was about to happen.

And Meredith closed her eyes for a second, she licked her lips subconsciously as Addison's breaths became ragged already. And Meredith's thumb brushed over Addison's blush makeup. And then she allowed her thumb to go lower so she could feel Addison's lipstick smudge onto her hand.

And Addison started to lean into Meredith. And Meredith started to lean into Addison. And they came so impossibly close to each other until they were nearly breathing the very same air. And Addison's body felt like it was on fire. Her heartbeat was raging loud in her ears.

And Meredith could be hyperventilating, her senses were invaded just as Addison could inhale the sweet scent of lavender, which Meredith always brought to her, from her conditioner. And all they wanted to do was to consummate their desires and lust and want and NEED for each other…

And Addison was forgetting herself, she was forgetting everything about Derek and Mark and about her divorce and about her past pain and her promises and broken promises. And how she is still Meredith's teacher and Attending and her ex-boyfriend's ex-wife and her friend and her confidant and her friend's friend and her goddamned 'mystery lover' which she still hasn't confessed about. And how she wanted to wait but she didn't want to wait anymore…

And Meredith was forgetting herself for that moment as well, she was forgetting her secrets with Bailey, and her mixtape she'd half-made and her drink she sent Addison as her 'secret admirer' and her ass of an ex-boyfriend and how she was an ex-dirty mistress and that Addison is her teacher and she didn't know who her goddamned 'mystery lover' is and how she's so tired of being abandoned by everyone she's ever cared about and everyone she's ever loved…

* * *

Addison wants this.

She wants to kiss Meredith.

And she will, she's decided...

Meredith wants this.

She wants to kiss Addison.

And she will, she's decided...

* * *

She will.

Meredith will.

Addison will.

She will.

They will.

They will kiss.

They will kiss.

They will kiss each other.

They will kiss each other.

They will touch each other.

They will touch each other...

They will do wild and wonderful things for each other.

They could and they will eventually do everything they've wanted to do.

All they ever wanted, all they ever needed, right down to that one kiss...

* * *

BUT NOT YET.

* * *

Meredith pushes herself away from Addison with all the force that she has.

She opens her eyes tenderly and looks into Addison's wide ones and she keeps running her thumb and her fingers up and down Addison's face.

"Why not?" Addison whines at her and tries to pull Meredith back in by her collars.

"Not yet," Meredith says to her. And Addison looks so hurt and alone and sad, so Meredith soothes her sadness with her thumb as Addison stifles them the way she's always known how.

Only a single tear falls from Addison's cheek and Meredith catches it and wipes it away, and smiles through all the pain and the heartbreak as she looks up at her.

"Not yet, not like this. I can't let myself have you like this. Not tonight. It's not better than nothing at all," Meredith starts saying to her and Addison, in her drunken state, does not understand.

"You've had too much to drink for this," Meredith says to her tenderly.

"But I'm not really that drunk, Meredif" Addison mispronounces Meredith's name, incidentally proving her point FOR her.

"You've had too much to drink for this," Meredith says to her again.

And Addison nods now because she knows Meredith is right.

* * *

"You've had more than three Gin and Tonics, and you've had a hard day. We had dinner hours ago, and I doubt you've had anything more than cake, since," Meredith says to Addison wisely.

"I'm not THAAAAAT drunk," Addison tries.

"Ooh, I think you are, Addie," Meredith says to her, tenderly.

Addison's not sure when Meredith started calling her 'Addie' but she liked it. She REALLY liked it and she wished Meredith would keep saying it over and over…

"Are you hungry?" Meredith asks her, in a serious way.

"YES, I AM HUNGRY!" Addison says, but as more of a euphemism.

"Are you thirsty?" Meredith asks her, also in a literal way.

"YES I'M THIRSTY MEREDIFFFFFFF" Addison whines loudly at Grey, thinking of it as a sort of wordplay or double-entendre and hoping Meredith will catch on.

Meredith does, of course.

_(Drunk Addison is not exactly SUBTLE.)_

_(Not. At. All)_

* * *

But Meredith pretends not to notice, at least for Addison's sake, and she replies sort of like this:

"Mm, I think I'm going to get you something to eat and drink, and I'll share it with you. We can get you sobered up so you don't get a hangover for work tomorrow morning, how about that?" Meredith says to Addison tenderly, as she tucks a piece of Addison's hair behind her ear.

Meredith decides that her favorite nickname is Addison saying "Meredif", hands down.

"But I want you," Addison says pleadingly as Meredith chuckles.

"Yeah, I want you too, ya know," Meredith finally admits to Addison, seriously.

"But if you want me?" Addison tries to ask a question but she gets lost in her thoughts.

"Addie, I want you to be stone-cold sober when I finally get to kiss you," Meredith says to her with all sorts of promises.

"Oh," Addison says in response, disappointed and not quite getting that by saying this that Meredith is promising to kiss her later, in the future.

"Addison I need your consent, and you can't do that while drunk. And you just got a divorce, and we still need to talk. So I'm not going to kiss you, not tonight, anyhow," Meredith says to her gracefully.

"Thank-you," Addison says to her, starting to understand.

* * *

"You're important you know, and you matter to me," Meredith says now to Addison.

"You're important you know, and you matter to me too," Addison says now to Meredith.

"Do you want to hear something that might cheer you up?" Meredith says to her.

"Yeah, I do," Addison says, hoping for a confession from Meredith.

"Well I'll tell you really soon, but I'm going to go get you something to eat now. You stay here and get some soda or whatever you want that's not more drink at the bar while you wait. I'll be back soon, I promise, Addie," Meredith says.

"I can come with you, can I go where you go..." Addison says to her, hopefully.

"I don't want you to be out in the rain, you might get sick," Meredith says to her.

"Wait," Addison says, tugging on Meredith's arm before she lets her get up.

Addison takes off the scarf from around her neck, and wraps it around Meredith, softly as she lets it drape past her upper body all the way down to her waist.

"I don't want you to be standing out there in the pouring rain with no scarf, it'd just be a shame…"

"Thank you, it's beautiful," Meredith says to Addison appreciatively.

"Can you get Cheetos?" Addison asks her softly now.

If she couldn't have one of her indulgences, she might as well fill her addiction void with another, she figures.

"I'll get you some Cheetos," Meredith chuckles with her knowingly.

"I'll miss you Meredifff!" Addison exclaims as if Meredith was going away for a long time.

"I'll miss you, Addie," Meredith says with a smile.

And with that, she takes Addison's hand again and brings it to her lips.

She gives Addison a soft kiss on the back of her hand, squeezes her palm, and lets go of it.

And with that, Meredith gave Addison one last longing look, before she walked back into the bar.

* * *

Meredith doesn't notice anything different about the door behind her as she heads over to the bar. She passes her credit card to Joe, telling him to buy Addison as many sodas or juices as she wants but no more alcohol for her tonight.

And Joe takes the card and nods at her. And says to Meredith, "you know, I think you're someone Addison could grow into trusting, and that's a good thing,". And Meredith beams at the compliment as Walter smiles at her, also.

Meredith says hello to her intern friends as they are there. All of them stop talking about what they were talking about (aka Addison and Meredith and the whole 'mystery person' and 'scarf girl' situation and they ask Meredith if she wants to play darts, and she just says to them "not now, sorry," as she walks out of the bar.

* * *

Meredith takes out her keys attached to Addison's keys, and rubs the black key to Addison's apparently _childhood_ Mercedes and clicks the lock open and gets in the driver's side.

She switches on the radio again, and the song "Broken" by Lifehouse is on again and Meredith starts to sing along absently to the song she sort of starts to remember again.

Meredith drives past the grocery store because it's closed by this time. And then she drives to the 7 Eleven that's near the hospital, anyhow. She checks her phone for any messages, and all she has is a text message from Bailey saying that so far the pyloric stenosis babies are good.

So Meredith enters the store, taking a basket and picking up Cheetos and Junior Caramels and Skittles and Vanilla and Cherry Lollipops because she knows Addison likes all of these. And then she remembers that Addison bought sour candies and tampons and she buys these as well in case Addison ran out of them. And Gatorade and aspirin to help sober Addie up.

She doesn't buy scotch, because she's figured out that that was for Derek. So she goes to pay and smirks a bit at the fact that there's absolutely no whip cream left in stock on the shelves. She reaches out for her credit card but remembers Joe has it so Meredith fishes a wad of cash from her purse.

She's fumbling for some quarters so she doesn't hear the storekeeper speak up at first. But then she must have asked the same question again because this time Meredith's eyes pop up after she's found her roll of quarters. "Ah, this must be for the girlfriend," the familiar shopkeeper looks at her and smiles.

"Ah, yeah it is," Meredith says to her, because, well, it IS for Addison, who this shopkeeper thought was already Meredith's girlfriend. And she wasn't going to break that charade because then the shopkeeper would probably ask for her number. OR WORSE, ASK FOR ADDISON'S!

So Meredith plays along with their game as the shopkeeper asks how 'the lady is doing' and Meredith says that 'she's well, but hungry and thirsty and a little drunk, so I want to be prepared," Meredith says to her, with a smile she always seems to have when she's talking about Addison.

"You're really good to her, you know. I hope she's good to you, back," the storekeeper says to her sweetly. "She really, really is," Meredith says to the storekeeper, thinking of all the times Addison has stood up for her, and told her the truth, and not treated her like 'just an intern'.

_(And Meredith doesn't even know half of it yet… Addison might have confessed if she'd been there.)_

"Well take care now, and wish good luck to your girlfriend from me," the shopkeeper says to her, sweetly.

"I will! Take care as well," Meredith says to her curtly as she leaves with her bags in her hands.

And as she walks to the car, she decides she really enjoys calling Addison Montgomery her girlfriend. She decides that even though she won't kiss Addison while she's drunk if she can get up the courage to do so, she might just ask her out on a date tonight...

* * *

When Addison finally emerges from the washroom, alone, to ask him to make Meredith her sugary 'mocktails,'Joe asks if he should provide Addison with an 'out of order' sign for the washroom so she and Meredith could 'go and get some'.

He gestures that he's actually done this, already. And it Addison is completely _mortified,_ but also _grateful,_ nonetheless, that no one would have walked in on her and Meredith _NOT KISSING_ , and giving each other gentle touches all over the G-rated parts of their bodies...

Joe asks if he should keep it up for them. She really really wants to say _yes_? Or say _no_?

Or say _MAYBE...?_

And Addison's breath catches and she hesitates, considering it, once more before she says 'ah I think that's alright…' not very convincingly, either, making him smirk back at her in response, and doesn't take it down, either.

Addison remembers the time that she had put up an 'exam in progress' sign up on two of her patient's doors when they discovered their newfound desire for each other and Cristina said to her "GO ADDISON!" And something about getting her patients laid.

Addison tries to wipe the image of HER getting laid with MEREDITH right here, right now in this bar bathroom as she finally goes to Joe to ask him another one of her serious questions.

Addison starts asking Joe if he told her and Joe said he didn't and Walter had agreed on it, just like they had said earlier.

When she asks what they said to her, Joe responds that he just said that 'it isn't our story to tell.'

He knows by Addison's question she hasn't come clean to Meredith yet, and that she might need a confidence booster from him, about her.

"You know that I trusted you then, with her," Joe begins.

"And I said to Meredith that the person who took her home that night a person I thought she could grow into trusting...

"And I also said that she deserved to be loved fully... And that wasn't going to be by being loved by Derek Shepherd, but she knew that already, by then, - didn't she…"

And Joe gets Addison a drink as she ponders this - A drink that is not from 'the secret admirer' (aka Meredith grey), _but because of her_.

Joe doesn't charge Meredith's card for the drink for Addison, as he and Walter have already decided to treat Addison for this one.

"It's 'on the house', this one, as a personal gift from us, tonight" Joe announces to her, setting it down on the counter in front of her.

Joe says to her she deserved it, after having taken care of the intern, not only then but also now.

Even though Addison is sort of drunk (as Walter and Joe have obviously more than noticed,) and Addison explains that Meredith is the one taking care of HER, now.

And Addison drinks the soda, and she tastes the familiar explosion of Vanilla and Cherries. And Joe doesn't tell Addison that it's also Meredith's new favorite, and Addison doesn't ask.

She just basks at the taste of the vanilla Italian soda with ice and cherries and closes her eyes and pictures the almost-kiss with Meredith as if it actually happened, as Addison licks the taste of the sweet, sweet mocktail off of her lips, and imagines it's Meredith who is doing the same...

And now she's sitting there, sipping, lost in thought while also waiting for Joe to say more.

But this time it's Walter, who says to go after Meredith if she wants her.

"At least check if she is okay, but if you want more than friendship from her, you know you have to confess first…" Walter trails off.

And Addison nods at him, not knowing that Meredith even had a similar but different confession for her, of her own, for her…

And after Addison's finished one of these, she asks for another and goes to wait against the wall in the same washroom again, because it's warm on the floor.

Had Addison had any previous awareness of how to 'touch herself' in a pleasing way, the way, unbeknownst to her, Meredith had 'touched herself' in the shower, Addison might have done that right then.

But Addison for some completely confusing reason (despite being an OB-GYN…) had no idea how to 'touch herself' sexually. For her, sex had always been a two-player gig. (Ok, like once a 3 person gig but either way, she hadn't been alone…)

And so she just sits in the space where Meredith used to be and inhales the soft scent of lavender where she had been, just then. And she tries to trick herself into thinking that it's enough for her, now.

And Addison smiles into it, the same way she had laid down in the supply closet after Meredith had had to leave after she had just been asleep and wrapped in Meredith's arms... And she relives and relives every moment of that night so far since Meredith Grey greeted her in the Emerald City Bar...

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Izzie, George, and Alex are discussing the 'missing key thing' and the 'scarf girl thing' along with Cristina who's trying to keep it together.

They are playing darts again, and they are SO beating all the Attendings at their own game. Preston Burke and Richard Webber, for all they could do in the operating room, could really not get the dart to hit the target.

Luckily, for everyone, Burke and Webber were too busy discussing hushed things with each other to notice any suspicious conversations going on amongst Bailey's interns, minus Meredith.

Burke and Webber were discussing how they were worried about Bailey because she didn't plan the party, and they were both a little afraid she was going to take another fellowship at another hospital after her residency, ignorant of the other causes of Miranda Bailey's stressors.

As Burke and Webber finally give up and leave the interns to the dartboard, they leave the bar entirely, saying they are 'just too old for this', even though they really just don't want to get their asses kicked all again. And they certainly weren't going to tell Addison or Derek how all of these junior doctors had just beaten them almost a hundred to zero.

With the bosses all disappeared from their sight, Izzie focuses more on the mystery at hand.

Once the boys finally understand the implications of Addison having had Meredith's keys temporarily, and they'd ruled out the possibility of Meredith and Addison having had a sort of revenge affair together behind the back of Derek Shepherd and also Mark Sloan…

Well, then they started to wonder what the actual possibilities could be.

"Wait wasn't that the night that Meredith doesn't remember?" George finally pipes in.

"How did you even know about that?" Izzie asks him.

"WE LIVE TOGETHER!" George just finally says, and Alex tries not to be jealous that he didn't also live at the cool house with almost all of the other interns.

"Right I think I heard Mer talking about that once, how the night before the McShepherds finally announced their impending divorce to everyone out loud in the hospital, the night before there was that train crash… Meredith said she couldn't remember how she got home…" Alex finally fits more of the puzzle together.

"Cristina, you seem awfully quiet? Usually, this type of thing would be… Your thing. It was YOUR idea to crack the 'mystery pregnant patient' case. Why are you not ALL over THIS McMystery? Meredith's McMystery?" George finally asks her and Izzie sort of tries to reassure Cristina who was super stressed out about all of that.

"Look, I've just been busy with Burke being a dick to me at work," Cristina says, honestly but also in a deliberate change of the subject.

"Leave her alone, boys," Izzie says to them, now. And they sort of stay quiet for a little while.

"Want to play another round of darts?" George finally offers a peace offering.

"Sure," Cristina picks up one of them.

"Don't make me mad or I'll want to stab you with this just so I get to scrub in on heart surgery," Cristina says gruffly.

"You say that but George and I, we're so gonna win," Alex softens finally, and Cristina accepts BOTH of the challenges that Alex has just implicitly thrown at her and Izzie.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Meredith emerges from Addison's Mercedes with her goodies stashed in her purse, and she ventures back into the Emerald City bar, clicking the automatic door lock behind her.

She notices the 'out of order' sign on the washroom and frowns, but Joe says that Addison was just resting there and they wanted to give her some privacy, and motion for her to go on in.

Meredith does, and before she notices Addison sitting on the floor there, she adjusts her looks in the mirror.

Addison says she looks nice, from behind her, just like the first night when she fixed her hair.

And Meredith says 'thank-you', again with the same weight as the first time, signaling she was thanking Addison much deeper than just a small compliment.

They share the Cheetos and other snacks. And Meredith says that the store person says hi to her.

And Addison asks if that's the one who thought that they were girlfriends and giggles.

And Meredith says to her "yes, the one who thinks we are girlfriends" and giggles along.

And they finish the snacks, throwing the Junior Caramels and the Skittles into each other's mouths and trying to catch them.

And eventually, the food is finished, and then there's the same contented silence that passes over them like the time they hung out after the vending machine in the supply closet.

They are both deep in thought as the tuck their shoulders pressed together like they like to do.

Meredith is thinking about how she wishes she could be more than Addison's 'secret admirer' right now, but she knows it wouldn't be right in Addison's state of mind.

Addison is thinking about how she wishes she could be more than Meredith's 'mystery person' right now, but she's glad Meredith stopped the kiss before it happened because she wasn't strong enough to do that right now.

And she knows nothing can happen before she confesses, so she thinks about it, seriously.

Addison is about to confess when Meredith says to her "sleep with me, and not 'like that' sleep with me…" Meredith trails off as Addison quirks up with Meredith's question to her.

"Just hold me here in your arms while I have a bit of a nap. I'm so tired" Meredith begs her.

So Meredith curls up into Addison's lap as Addison wraps her arms around the intern.

And Meredith really IS tired. But she knows more than that, that Addison is tired. And she knows there's already an 'out of order' sign on the door, anyhow so no one will bother them…

She wants Addison to get a bit of rest before she says to her something she might regret in the morning. And this also buys Meredith time to work up to asking Addison out, this time, for real.

Meredith ends up falling asleep first, cuddled into Addison's arms. She's still wearing the scarf Addison had put on her, which she appreciated for the rain.

Addison lies down gently now, holding on to Meredith's neck as she does, just like Addison braced Meredith's neck on the car ride home that first night at Joe's.

Addison lays on the floor, tucking Meredith's head into her chest. She pulls the blonde closer and strokes her gorgeous blonde hair until she can hear Meredith snore.

* * *

As Meredith sleeps, Addison moves her lips in the limelight, unknowingly, as Meredith had just a while ago.

She mouthes out drunken confessions, saying everything she wishes she could say to Meredith but she's too scared of the consequences if Meredith were to hear them in her sleep so she mouthes them.

She mouthes out and practices herself saying 'I was the person who took you home that night and I consider it to be one of the best days of my life so far…'.

She practices saying to her 'I am your mystery person, and I don't know or care who this damn secret admirer is who bought me a drink tonight because you're the one that I want, you're the one for me…'

She imagines herself saying 'It was almost worth it for you to be screwing my husband so that I could meet you and divorce Derek and ask you out because God you might have made me Gay by how sexy you are…'

She imagines herself confessing for every lie she ever told, for every promise she made Cristina keep, for every time she wanted to say more but didn't.

For every handhold and every hug and every kiss she wishes she'd gone for but was too afraid to because Meredith was just so kind and gentle and she was all black and blue and a little bit bruised from her life and her failures and her inability to keep it in her pants around inappropriate Mark Sloan shaped people.

God, she remembers the raging libido from that night when she cheated. And it had nothing on what Addison had felt earlier today when she thought she was going to kiss Grey, today.

Fuck, Addison had been delirious with desire at that point.

She would have let Grey jump her all the way, FOR SURE if Meredith hadn't stopped them.

She's kind of glad that Meredith had stopped them, to be honest, in retrospect...

And after Meredith had left and Addison had sat down, the adrenaline crashed and she was back down from 100 to nothing. And Addison is tired now, too.

So Addison closes her eyes as she continues to stroke over Meredith's hair.

And they both fall into a deep sleep for at least a little over an hour, as they hide away from the world, and alone with only each other.

_(And it's all I'll ever need… All I could ever need is in her…)_

_They both think some version of this as they dream of sheep as they fall fast asleep..._

* * *

When Meredith wakes up, finally, she asks Addison to get her another glass of water to bring back to her, and Addison goes to Joe and Walter to get it for her.

She does this to see how well Addison can walk now, to see if she stumbles like she is drunk or not. She's testing Addison, to see how she has to take care of her for the rest of the night.

Meredith tucks herself into the spot where Addison had just been in and smells the sweet scent of brown sugar that could only be Addison.

And she wonders if she ever asks Addison out if she does really say 'yes', could they get to a point where they could wake up in each other's arms as much as they wanted.

She couldn't speak for Addison, but she always felt the safest sleeping with Addison at her side. As Addison goes to get two ice water glasses she's thinking the very same way about Grey...

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

As Izzie tells the boys about the missing key thing as it relates to their 'scarf person' theory, the boys pretty much all but figure the whole thing out.

And Izzie is eyeing Cristina now, who she knows, knows more than she is currently letting on.

They already have sort of a plan for the evening, so Cristina decides to let the boys in on it as well.

Cristina tells them all about what she knows, to a similar but slightly lesser degree than she told Izzie.

Says keep it all a secret we want them to be together anyhow, without knowing all of that first (the identity of the mystery person).

But Cristina wants Meredith to know more information about that night, but without a name, so she can make 'the choice' for herself while she still has 'the chance'.

Cristina says something like "I have a plan to help Mer remember a bit,"

And they agree to participate along with Cristina and Izzie's plan.

George and Alex are each a bit jealous that Addison chose Meredith to carry home and help get home safe.

But they also both think that those two could be adorable together and they like what they have with each other, anyhow, more than they care to admit just yet.

So all the interns now seem to have cracked all of this case together, all the while Meredith is still all in the dark.

And little did Addison know that there was the whole reverse of the trope going on with the 'secret admirer' complication that just got thrown into the mix.

Wow, this really WAS turning into an interesting night...

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Addison goes over to the bar, passing the interns and not noticing at all they are staring at her expectantly.

She asks Joe and Walter for a few glasses of water for herself and Meredith, with extra ice and some curly straws if they have them.

As Joe complies with her request, Walter sort of motions to Addison's group of intern friends, and points out they are staring at her.

Joe says if you look over now your 4 interns are talking and I think they might have put the puzzle together.

Addison says she wants to try to run and to stop them

And Joe asks would it really be the end of the world if they know now?

And Addie says her concerns to him, that they'll tell Meredith before she even gets to.

And Joe maybe go stop them then but take Meredith her water first anyhow.

And Joe and Walter smile at her as they hand over the two ice glasses of water.

And they see how delighted Addison is at the curly straws, as she repeats what Meredith said earlier, about nothing being fun 'if it only got to be straight…'

And Joe and Walter just chuckle at her and agree.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Meredith starts to worry that Addison is taking too long with the waters, when unbeknownst to her she's just talking to Walter and Joe.

So Meredith comes out of the bathroom looking for Addison, looking in the other washroom and doesn't see her so she searches around the whole bar without finding her.

All the while Addison goes into the bathroom to give Meredith her water but she's crushed that she's not there anymore, and begins her own hide-and-go-seek-game of her own looking for the young intern.

Neither of them sees each other through all this, narrowly missing each other just as they'd been narrowly missing the deepening of their physical and emotional intimacy all during that very evening.

The irony of the cat-and-mouse-chasing-cat-chasing-mouse game that they are physically doing right now, while also symbolically doing right now with each other would have brought all of them all to tears if they realized it.

* * *

Joe and Walter watch this all pan out, as Meredith eventually caves to ask the interns if they'd seen Addison recently.

All the while Addison is still drunkenly searching every inch of the washroom herself and Meredith had fallen asleep in earlier.

All 5 of Bailey's MAGIC-al interns are together now.

And they wanted to ask Meredith about surgeries.

Meredith asks Cristina "What do you have," with a bit of annoyance.

"Bouncy two pyloric stenosis babies with Doctor Montgomery and a secret to tell" Cristina doesn't miss a beat.

"Why are you happy what happened with Burke is he is letting you back onto Cardio?" Meredith asks as if that's the reason Cristina is so secretly happy.

Meredith says she will trade her Burke for the 2 pyloric stenosis babies (she doesn't say 'with _Addison_ ' because she knows that her voice will give her away…) and the info that Cristina is so rudely hiding from her.

Christina wants to put Mer with Addie so they can finally get all their shit together.

And plus, Cristina wants Cardio.

Meredith takes the deal because she wants the secrets. She's not stoked about the vomit but she's getting along with Addison ok, at least better than Burke. Or at least that's what she says because she doesn't wanna say

" _I REALLY GET ALONG WITH ADDISON AS IN I WANT TO DO SOME REALLY REALLY NAUGHTY THINGS TO HER AND I WOULD HAVE TONIGHT HAD SHE NOT BEEN A BIT PLASTERED…"_

Izzie is like "are you sure" because selfishly she wanted to scrub in with Cristina and she sort of knows Addison's secret and knows the importance of all of her plans. But Cristina pushes her to take the deal, eyeing Izzie to let her know this was the deal for her getting to know all the secrets.

So Meredith Mer takes it and they talk, just Mer and Cristina.

Meredith says to Cristina if she kisses Addison again then "I'll personally hire a female assassin to make you grow obsessed with studying her until she seduces you, and finally you stab her in the chest and fix her again until she eventually puts a bullet through you…"

And Cristina says to her that '"that's oddly specific…" but Meredith just shrugs and says that everything about Cristina kissing Addison makes her go all dark and twisty all over again and it makes her have weird criminal minds-esque fantasies.

So Cristina knows that, while she probably wouldn't _actually_ hire an assassin, she would be mad at Cristina forever if she ever did anything with Addison again, which she wasn't planning on, anyhow, in the first place, which she had already told to both Meredith and Addison, but reiterated to Meredith again just to be sure.

So Cristina sits Meredith down in a booth, and promises her she'll tell her if Addison starts coming their way.

And she asks Meredith to listen because she has some important news.

Cristina admits she knows about the night of Meredith's blackout.

She admits to having kept the note and investigating it. She says that in another life, she might have been an MI6 agent and/or spy because she likes looking into this stuff.

Cristina says the person confessed to her but asked Cristina to keep their identity a secret.

And Meredith asks what Cristina can tell her, and Cristina, without any names or identifying information, says that Meredith and the 'mystery person' talked all night at Joe's.

That Meredith had been sick and this person helped her. That this person had helped her into a cab and that's how she got home. That this person had knocked into her had knocked into the plant but had fixed it up after.

And that as Meredith thought, there had been nothing sexual or even a kiss, the person just tucked Meredith in, in her clothes because she had said she was too tired. Then wrote the note, left the aspirin and water, and locked them in for the night.

The person cabbed back to their place and got home safe themselves. They hid the key under the doormat, and when Cristina found out who they were, swore her to secrecy. And Cristina agreed as she felt it was in Meredith's best interests.

And Cristina reveals that the person has not stopped caring or thinking about Meredith since that night, and wanted to give her space after Derek who she had talked about with them. And that this person might be interested in asking Meredith out, but she couldn't say for sure.

And that's all she gives, so now Mer knows about what happened but not that it was a woman. And not that it was Addison, but just that the mystery person did all of those nice things because they truly cared for her and still did.

Meredith doesn't even think to think it was Addison after all that.

And Cristina just asks her what she thinks she should do.

And Meredith thinks for a moment and says she doesn't know, but that Joe and Walter told her to trust her gut and she will when it happens. She can trust herself now, she thinks...

* * *

Cristina finishes her explanation, just as Addison finishes looking in the washroom.

She comes out of it and spies Alex, George, and Izzie still playing darts, now against Joe and Walter as there are no more customers there as it is almost the last call.

And then she sees Meredith talking very seriously with Cristina, and she goes pale as a ghost because she thinks that Cristina is outing her secret to Meredith.

So Addison comes over to talk with them giving them all a piercing and vulnerable look.

But over Meredith's shoulder, just as Joe had signaled to Addison over his shoulder about the taxicabs that first night…

Cristina locks eyes with Addison and mouths "no, don't worry" so Addison knows she hasn't told Meredith it was Addison who took Meredith home on that night, but that Meredith couldn't see.

And Addison mouths back to her 'thank-you' and motions for Cristina to let them have a moment to themselves. So Cristina slides out of the booth after giving Meredith a quick hug.

And Meredith says a profound 'thank-you' to Cristina as she lets Addison slide in tight next to her, grateful to feel the soft skin pressed up against her once more.

* * *

And Addison asks her what she and Cristina talked about.

And Meredith comes clean and tells Addison everything, retelling in even more detail the story Addison (obviously, yet unbeknownst to Meredith,) already knows from having lived it herself.

But she likes to hear the way Meredith talks about it. So she does, she just listens.

And as Meredith concludes what she's saying, Addison knows that this is supposed to be her moment.

She really needs to say something. She really wants to. And she should.

And Addison is trying not to run away or freak out now…

_(Just as Meredith had run off when things got so serious, earlier…)_

But Addison isn't a runner, not historically. Not in the way Meredith, historically, had been.

Addison's unhealthy coping mechanism was more about alcohol, which she had already inhaled earlier before she had been cut off, gratefully, by Meredith.

Meredith Grey who is sitting there looking at Addison expectantly, as if she knows that it's Addison's turn to say something because she's just told her a big secret.

But Addison bites her tongue for a second before biting her lip nervously.

And she reaches for her keys to fidget with. But she doesn't have those.

So she reaches for her wedding ring to fidget with. But she doesn't have that, either.

And so she wrings her hands altogether and Meredith can tell that she's stressed.

And she doesn't want to hurt Addison, so she cheers her up at the moment by saying to her "I get to be on your pyloric stenosis babies, Cristina Yang traded me," with a smile.

"I thought you hated vomit, Grey," Addison says, referring only to Meredith saying to her earlier 'she would do the thing with the hair holding and the back rubbing for Addison if she had to but she wanted to avoid it…" and not about her knowing Meredith had been sick that first night…

"Well, yeah but Cristina really wanted her Cardio crap because she wants to be a cardio goddess and she told me really interesting things, and she's my person, soooo" Meredith trails off before she can say something else.

Something else, being like, "and I would do anything, literally anything even operate on two gross, but extremely adorable, McBabies, just so I get to be around you a little more than before…"

And Addison is about to start saying 'something else' to Grey. She's taking a deep breath and forming the practiced words on her lips to tell Meredith everything and everything she needed to know, about that night, about that 'mystery person', about HER…

But just as she starts saying "Merediff, there's something I gotta tell you…'

Meredith isn't even looking up at her anymore because she feels a familiar vibration in her pocket and her pager is going off at maximum volume.

* * *

Meredith jumps at the sound, even if Addison doesn't because she's been used to it now after all of these years.

Meredith gets paged before Addison says who she is, and she packs up all of her stuff to run away.

Addison gestures for Meredith to keep the scarf on and use the car if she wants.

And Meredith thanks her and goes to pull away, and before she does she takes Addison's hand and squeezes it to her palm once more.

Before Meredith goes, she exchanges one final thought with Addison.

She says to her "remember earlier when I said I would say something to cheer you up, Addie" and Addison says to her 'yes'.

She says to her then "remember how the other day I said that people will be lining up for you, both women and men?" and Addison says to her 'yes'.

She says to her then "remember how I said I wouldn't tell you while you still weren't divorced?" and Addison says to her 'yes'.

"Well, I'm not going to be even telling you now..." Meredith says.

And then Meredith presses her right hand, two of the fingers to Addison's lips in a 'shhh' motion so that Addison won't move her mouth towards hers like she promised tonight.

And then Meredith leans into Addison, and moves towards her _forehead_ , and plants a teeny tiny kiss on it, and whispers the words that Addison would never forget for as long as she lived.

"Please, Addie, please let me show you," And with that, Meredith slides out of the booth, running her hand down Addison's wrist to her hand to squeeze it again.

And she runs over her ring finger where Addison's wedding band used to be, and she thumbs it as if she's wanting to seal even more meaning into her promise.

* * *

And Addison's heart breaks in joy when she realizes that Meredith has chosen her.

And Addison's heart breaks in excitement when she realizes Meredith would have eventually wanted her anyway, without even knowing all the other extra stuff that Addison had done for her as the 'mystery person'.

But Addison's heart breaks in fear when Meredith says to her what she says next.

Meredith says to Addison 'I want you more than the mystery man because you were there for me and the mystery man never came back for me, ever.'

And Addison's heart breaks in two when Meredith says to her what she says after that.

Meredith says to Addison 'I sort of want to slap the 'mystery person' for being so secretive and for even roping my very best friend into it and now I think all my friends are involved and it'll take me a long time to trust the 'mystery person' again if I meet them.

And then Meredith says she has to runs off into the night because she is being paged AGAIN. And this is the second page and Meredith knows that nothing good ever comes after ignoring not one but two pages.

Meredith, she has to go, Addison asks if she should come with to the hospital and Meredith says no, she's too drunk no offense.

* * *

And just to enjoy it, she, Addison, deserves a night off.

"You just got a divorce, you deserve to be drinking yourself under the table for two weeks if you wanted…"

Addison is remembering Meredith saying that the first time and it still brings her no reassurance.

All it does is make her want to cry because she wants to drink herself under the table because of the possible rejection she might be about to get from Meredith, not about the breakup with Derek.

And then, strangely, after saying all that, Meredith finally gathers the courage and asks Addison out.

She asks her out on a dinner date, ironically to the Vietnamese place that Cristina had originally suggested she ask Meredith out to.

Meredith had expected Addison to say 'yes' to her. She thought that she'd wanted her as much as Meredith wanted her back.

And Addison thought that she did, too. She thought SHE was going to ask GREY out tonight… But only she'd gotten up the courage to confess her identity as her 'mystery person'; which she hadn't, yet.

Anyway, Addison might have said 'yes', right away, too.

That is if she hadn't sobered up a whole lot more than she previously was in the night.

Sobered up from the Cheetos and chocolates and candies and sodas and Gatorade and Aspirins Meredith had hand-fed her before they both fell asleep wrapped together... _(Again..!)_

Which had been Meredith's intention the whole time, with the nap and the snacks and the aspirins, even if Meredith had never said that to her not to embarrass her further, and Addison had been just a little too drunk to catch on...

And Addison thinks to herself, if Meredith was going to go all courageous and to walk in all being her 'knight in shining _whatever_ with all her decisions tonight, then Addison was going to be brave, yet, as well, and she's not going to build a relationship of any more lies.

So Addison says to Meredith: "Maybe, Meredith. I really want to say 'yes' to you, unconditionally, now...

But there's something we have to talk about first. There's something secret I have to tell you first. We have to have another conversation before I give you a 'yes' or a 'no'; before you can give ME either a 'yes' or a 'no...' Addison trails off before saying "I want us both to know for 100% what we're getting into and what we really want, for ourselves and for each other... before we can try," Addison finishes her sentence, then.

And Addison really was willing to have that conversation now. She really, truly, was.

* * *

But before Meredith could ask Addison what she meant about 'something secret,' she ran away from her. She ran away from it all. She ran back to the babies and the hospital and away from Addison.

She said as she ran away "I'm sorry, Addie, but I can't do this now, Addison. I have to go check on my work…" and then she left her there, without looking back, and without even saying they were Addison's patients she was even running away to go help her with.

Both because she really DID have to check on those babies, ' _for Addison,_ ' even though it was still hers and Miranda Bailey's secret that she was even ' _saving_ ' Addison from herself that day.

But also because she is completely embarrassed that Addison didn't just leap into her arms and kiss the hell out of her, right then and there. That she admitted she didn't like her even 100% yet!

Meredith took all her stuff up, her pager, her phone, her coat, her purse. She leaves her credit card with Joe, saying she'll pick it up in the morning and she nods to Walter motioning to Addison to let him know she hadn't changed her mind about buying Addison sodas to sober her up, still.

And they look at her with a sympathetic look, and they want to stop her, but that's Addison's job and she really did have to go to work at the hospital. (For Addison's patients, secretly, no less…)

And Meredith turns to the interns, but specifically to Cristina now, and says to her pointedly, "make sure Addison gets to the hospital safe and gets some sleep. I would do it myself but I really do have to go, I'm so sorry, we'll have to talk another time, Addison I guess, well, I'll see you for rounds at least..."

And so with that, Meredith ran out into the rain. God, it was pouring, Meredith is grateful for Addison's scarf now- because kitten heels are NOT running shoes so she's kidding herself as she's standing there in the pouring rain for much, much, longer than she hoped that she would, as the raindrops kept falling on top of her head...

Meredith runs all the way to Addison's car, she drove to the hospital as fast as she could, and she ran into the patients' room to help out the parents in a very professional manner.

Because Meredith was so tangled up and confused in her thoughts, she just couldn't stand it.

She felt like she would follow Addison into the dark on her darkest of days...

But she also felt the ultimate betrayal that maybe Addison was trying to tell her there was someone else...

I mean, Addison had had an affair once before, maybe she was just a thing on the side for her?

Of all of Addison's secrets, this sort of seemed like the most likely.

And it's such a shame because Meredith would have stood there, kidding herself as she's standing there out there in the pouring rain with her.

She would have shared that scarf back and wrapped it around Addison if she could know for sure Addison wasn't about to be breaking her heart right into two right now.

Because it felt like Addison already had, she had already ripped Meredith's heart right into two...

* * *

_**Meredith had known, somehow, that today would be the end of the world for someone, somewhere. And apparently, this time, unlike the last time, the power would be all in her hands. But apparently even with all the power in the world, she'd managed to mess it all up.** _

**Meredith had known, somehow, that as soon as they did it, they knew they'd escape it, today. Somehow, she had known that she won't be spending another night in** _ **this**_ **arena; not like this, at least... Not each alone left with all of her questions, yet without any answers…**

**But Meredith never expected it to happen like this; she had never expected anything less than a 'yes' when she finally gained the courage to sort of ask out Addison Montgomery.**

**She NEVER expected her to RUN from her potential question.**

_**Meredith had known, somehow, that today will be the end of the world for someone, somewhere. But she never, she never thought, not for a second, that she would be the one to lose...** _

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Addison is completely heartbroken and crushed. She had not begun to fathom how much she really cared for Meredith Grey to stay with her until she had already run away from her in a panic.

Right before Addison was going to come clean to her, too.

And right after asking HER out…Kind of, by saying she wanted her, just after a simple conversation...

How could she have been so naive to think her hesitation wouldn't be misread as disinterest!?

How could she not have remembered that Meredith had been abandoned so surely Meredith would be a runner...

And how could she have known how hurt she would be, seeing another person she loved leaving her drunk and hurt and alone to go off to work suddenly?

Derek has done this to her enough times she knew the drill, somehow.

Maybe Meredith would be the same as him; to stay at the hospital and use that as an excuse not to talk or to listen.

Maybe that's how they got along in the first place… Addison thinks somewhere along in the bitterness.

Because they understood each other more than they would ever even know….

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

The Interns see the entire exchange.

All of them come over to comfort her.

Addison looks at them and says to them all "WHAT THE HELL DO I DO WITH THAT".

She's yelling now, but she doesn't care because it's past the last call and Joe isn't letting any more customers into here, anyhow.

"She wants ME, not thinking I'm the mystery person. But she DOESN'T' WANT the'mystery person'.

"AND I AM BOTH PEOPLE," Addison screams at them.

She's confessing her crimes to all of them now, because it's not like it was a secret to them, anyhow, anymore…

"WHAT THE HELL AM I EVER GOING TO DO TO GET HER BACK?!" Addison yells into the bitterness.

* * *

_**Addison had known, somehow, that today would be the end of the world for someone, somewhere. And apparently, this time, unlike the last time, the power would be all in her hands. But apparently even with all the power in the world, she'd managed to mess it all up.** _

**Addison had known, somehow, that as soon as they did it, they knew they'd escape it, today. Somehow, she had known that she won't be spending another night in** _ **this**_ **arena; not like this, at least... Not each alone left with all of her questions, yet without any answers…**

**But Addison never expected it to happen like this; she had never expected anything less than a 'yes' when she finally gained the courage to sort of ask out Meredith Grey.**

**She NEVER expected her to RUN from her potential confession.**

_**Addison had known, somehow, that today will be the end of the world for someone, somewhere. But she never, she never thought, not for a second, that she would be the one to lose...** _

* * *

They all have the same advice for her, but it's Cristina that finally says it to her.

She says "you have to tell her and let her decide for herself, you know that, Addison," as Cristina continues.

"You don't want her to be living a lie, and you don't want to be living a lie either, not anymore. Your first instinct was correct, but you still haven't told her." Cristina continues.

"We're gonna tell her if she doesn't figure it out herself or you tell her." Cristina finally informs her of her new terms.

"You only have two days to get your shit together or we're ending it. We're ending all of it. And after that you're on your own," Cristina explains this all to Izzie.

"This is beyond being about just you anymore. This has impacted my relationships, and it's impacted Izzie and George and Alex, Joe, Walter and I'm guessing also Derek and maybe even more people," And Addison nods to that.

"You still deserve her, you know. And she deserves you. I trust you with her; to do right by her... and that hasn't changed," Cristina continues.

"I meant every damn word of that letter, but I also know you meant every word of yours…" Cristina says.

"She's going to need people on her side now, as do you as well. You're both broken, you're both hurt, you're both really fucking lonely," Cristina says in a swear but those words ring familiar to Addison somehow, from somewhere…

"I have to try-" Addison says, as she goes to stand up again.

* * *

Addison says she wants to end it right now.

She wants to tell her the truth now, for once and for all.

So the Interns come to watch, as do Joe and Walter from the Emerald City Bar window.

Addison tries to run after Meredith into the Seattle rain but before she can get anywhere, Meredith is long gone.

Addison reaches out her hand and feels raindrops keep falling on her head.

Addison reaches instinctively to cover herself up with the scarf but then she remembers that she's given it to Meredith, and idly, she's even more glad that it's keeping Meredith warm.

And the most absurd thoughts enter Addison's mind right now, as she's still sort of drunk.

She remembers they forgot to feed the damn plant but she's too drunk to drive there now - and besides of which, she doesn't have Meredith's keys anymore.

Or her own keys, either, anymore, to run over inside of her fingers like she likes to do to soothe herself when she is stressed.

She calls out to Meredith, but all she sees is the darkness

So she just runs her hands where her wedding ring used to be.

She calls out to Meredith, but all she hears is the darkness

* * *

Addison remembers the last time she was left out in the rain like today after being rejected.

It was when Derek came home and found her with Mark and said if he leaves now that they'll never get through this.

He left her standing there on the doormat with nothing, just clothes being tossed at her feet.

_(Maybe I do have a weird love-hate relationship with doormats, Addison thinks rather absurdly again…)_

As she's kidding herself as she's standing there in the pouring rain.

But this time, unlike even the last time, there was nobody there on the other side of the door, waiting to let her in.

Last time this happened, Derek eventually let her in. But this time was not Mark and not Derek.

This time she was not running into a house, but towards a hospital, she didn't know if she could even reach if she ran in her drunken state in high heels in all this pouring rain...

* * *

At the end of the night, that night, it was the 'end of the world' for someone, somewhere, somehow.

Someone was heartbroken, and someone was about to be saved.

But what both women have no clue on earth about, yet,

Is that the ones **who would be saved** would be the _patients._ (Which is good, they ARE Doctors, after all…)

And that the ones who would end up being the **others** would end up being **both Meredith and Addison.**

_As Meredith and Addison processed all of these thoughts, they couldn't wait to escape it all._

_Couldn't wait to get out of the Seattle Grace McHospital's godforsaken drama._

_Couldn't wait to take a goddamned break from this 'game' or this godforsaken 'arena'._

_There was a certain finality they were feeling earlier that evening - that they should have escaped from this goddamned endless 'game' and this godforsaken 'arena' already; but maybe they were destined to be imprisoned in it; fighting for their lives for at least another day._

_**Because as it turned out, for each of them, the hardest part of their gauntlet towards their affection towards each other, had only just begun to unfold.** _

_**And it was going to take the force of a freight train to stop the inevitable collision from ending it.** _

_**From ending it all; forever; for all of their chances; for the both of them; to finally hold each other, in their arms, ever again...** _

* * *

"Meredith" Addison called out into the sky in desperation.

But only the skyline of Seattle and the stars in the sky, were up above, to hear her prayers.

" **Meredith" Addison called out.**

**But Meredith wasn't there.**

**And she wasn't coming back for her.**

**Not to the barstool. Not to Joe's. Not tonight, at least.**

**Meredith, then; just wasn't coming back, for Addison.**

_**(Would she, EVER?)** _

* * *

Addison remembers Meredith saying to her earlier, that with Derek, he'd lied to her, and then he'd chased after her and after that, she'd just never stopped long enough for him to catch up to her.

"MEREDITH!"

'Will Meredith ever stop long enough for me to catch up to her? Or will I just have to run faster than ever chased her, faster than I have ever chased after anyone at all, before?'

"MEREDITH GREY!"

'Will I chase after that girl until the end of the earth, until the end of my days? I feel now like I will follow her into the dark and back out again if she keeps running past it…'

"MEREDITH GREY CAN YOU HEAR ME!"

* * *

**And the last thing that Addison can remember as she's kidding herself as she's standing there in the pouring rain.**

**She's thinking in her 'knight in shining** _ **whatever**_ ' **mentality that she's glad that at least Meredith still had her red and green scarf to shelter her from this whole storm…**

**The last thing that Addison wonders to herself, drunk on tonic and gin and adrenaline, is:**

' **Will I run after her, always, but never ever, ever, catch up to her?**

**Will I, Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery, never, ever really catch up to that beautiful girl, the one and only Meredith Grey...?'**

" **MEREDITH!" Addison called out for Meredith, yet again.**

**But Meredith was already long gone.**

**She held her own keys, she held Addison's keys.**

But most importantly, Meredith held the very keys to Addison's heart.

And it's such a shame because Addison would have stood there, kidding herself as she's standing there out there in the pouring rain with her, Meredith.

She would have shared that scarf back and wrapped it around Meredith if she could know for sure Meredith wasn't about to be breaking her heart right into two right now.

Because it felt like Meredith already had, she had already ripped Addison's heart right into two...

* * *

*****

*****

*****

*****

*****

******* END OF CHAPTER 33**

* * *

_Song inspiration for the last scene:_

_"The Shame" by Alex Cornish._

_I am the one, so it went_

_You threw stones and I lay playing dead_

_With the racing heart of a teenage kid_

_And how do I feel?_

_Like you'd know_

_It doesn't take the brightest mind to see_

_You've broken my Heart And no, no, no, no_

_It's the shame, shame shame_

_I'm kidding myself as I'm standing here' in the pouring rain_

_And I wo, wo wo, won't_

_[Lyrics from: ]_

_Be the same, same, same_

_I'm kidding myself as I'm standing here in the pouring rain_

_As the city slept, through the dark_

_Bright blue eyes they stole a lonely heart_

_And our pulses beat like drums and we laughed_

_And how do I feel?_

_Like you'd know_

_It doesn't take the brightest mind to see_

_You've broken my Heart..._

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

Hope you liked this, a lot of fluff, some sexy, some sweet, some fun with all the characters, and plot advancements, and some poetic imagery, and some angst, and friendship and who the wells know.

This chapter was one of the first ones storyboarded, actually planned pretty soon after the first five chapters. It's grown to be probably the chapter I'm most fond of so far. Maybe, almost…

Yeah, I think it IS my favorite. But you can let me know what YOUR favorite is, so far at least :D.

Anyways, in a lot of ways, it's getting to the crux of the story. Yes, there is more to come. Yes, it's still a slow burn. But this is a breakthrough, and I hope you appreciate the pace it really picked up here.

Any guesses to the way it finally ends? I'd LOVE to know, see you all in the comments, dear friends!

And for those of you who have been chatting/messaging me recently, thanks for giving me the strength to go on.

The song "The Shame" was played in Private Practice.

The song that inspired the title is "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" by Death Cab For Cutie.

There are at least 3 works I have alluded to rather actively in this chapter:

"Brown Sugar and Lavender", by Deipotent_Daisy (Wattpad)

"When I Fall" & "In Your Arms" & "Never Let Go" by Ziny-DiNozzo (Fanfiction)

"Lavender Desires", by houseofscalpels (Wattpad)

These are some of the most 'classical' MerAdd stories that also follow 'this' frequently interpreted timeline of Meredith and Addison falling in love after Addison came to Seattle, and I really do encourage reading them. So there's a shoutout to those authors, as well as the many other blooming MerAdd authors that are out there. Go you!

There are a few other references to other fanfictions here if you spot them good for you. All homage to the great work that has been happening around here of late.

As usual, wait for the next chapter is approximately 48 hours, but will come quicker if you let me know what you liked about this chapter (it will help a lot, actually,)

Thanks and much love,

And ps, my Ao3 and Fanfiction, and Wattpad are all the same: bobbiejelly . If that's helpful to you if you prefer one of these sites over another.

* * *

**THANKS FOR READING, LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

* * *

_Yours, truly, bobbiejelly_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,  
> This is the only thing I posted today because it's massive and took all day to write.  
> Have a good one!


	34. Dream A Little Dream Of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Addison has an interesting dream. Meredith hears all about it. Rated E for explicit. Do with that summary what you will. Other stuff happens but that's the main point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have fun.

_Author's Note:_

Thanks for the notes yesterday, folks.

That was a chapter I always wanted to write.

And this, here, is a chapter I've been waiting to write, also.

It's a little treat for the readers, thank you all for following along.

I know this is a slow-burn. I hope you haven't given up now.

Have a good day, and without further ado, enjoy.

Bobbiejelly

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly . NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 34: Dream a Little Dream of Me**

* * *

_Chapter Summary: Addison has an interesting dream. Meredith hears all about it. Rated E for explicit. Do with that summary what you will. Other stuff happens but that's the main point._

* * *

By the time Meredith Grey gets to Seattle Grace Hospital, she's stressed out to the nines because she's taken so long to arrive in the patient room she's almost sure somebody has _died_ by now.

But luckily for her, and everyone else, the _death_ part is only a symptom of Meredith's overreactive imagination, and the _emergency_ part of the page was actually, ironically, about her patients' parents' love lives.

"We want to have sex," the parents of the twin pyloric stenosis babies inform her as she walks in the door.

"Excuse me?!" Meredith says in surprise as she thinks they must have been expecting someone else to walk in the room at that time.

"We want to have sex; so we paged you here so we could and we wouldn't feel guilty about leaving the twins alone…" They trail off a bit sheepishly.

"Oh," Meredith says in surprise.

"Uh-" Meredith says because she apparently can't come up with something better than 'Uh-" at this time of night.

Or rather, is it that she can't come up with something better than "Uh-" after HER love life clearly fell through the sky and now this happy couple wants her to let them have SEX in a hospital and she's just a bit bitter at them because she wishes it was HER having the sex with-

"Of course, umm, just let me put some scrubs on and I'll watch your babies, do they have any names yet?" Meredith flips the chart up and tries to answer that one for herself.

"Not yet, we're calling the boy "Y" for "Y-Chromosome" and the girl "X" for "X-Chromosome"; they are fraternal twins but they have the same birth defect," the parents explain to her.

"X and Y it is!" says Meredith with purposeful enthusiasm.

"My name is Anna," says the woman, "and this is Emmett," she continues while pointing to her partner.

"Well, thanks and let me know if you have any questions…" Meredith says to them.

"Oh, we have three more questions for you," Emmett says to her cheerfully.

"Yes?" Meredith gets out a pen to fill out the blanks in the chart.

"Oh, I don't think you'll need that to answer the questions-" Emmett smiles at her.

"Where is the best place to have sex here, how soundproof are the walls, and how long do we have alone?" Anna asks all of the questions at once.

"Ohhhh," Meredith finally understands and smiles a bit sadly.

"Are you alright?" Anna asks her. "I didn't want to upset you, but I figured you doctors would know and-" Anna cuts herself off there.

"Oh, no, sorry I was thinking about myself I'll give you answers so long as you never tell my boss that I said this," Meredith says to the nice couple.

* * *

"Love problems?" Emmett asks her.

"Like you wouldn't BELIEVE," Meredith says in a huff.

"But this is about YOU, you won't have much time to yourselves once the babies go home with you, and I can't imagine you've had much time alone since you've had children..." Meredith finally recovers.

"The on-call rooms are best, I'll let you into one on my pass. They are pretty soundproof, so you might need a pillow to yell into only if you are shy. And I'm on-call for the evening, but that being said I do have work tomorrow early morning and I'm supposed to be resting so I guess since I'm doing you this favor, all I ask is that I get a few hours' sleep…" Meredith asks for their mercy.

"Oh, of course, it shouldn't take too long for-" Emmett starts to say before Anna cuts Emmett off.

"Here, I'll show you. Just let me change first as I said then the room is all yours."

And Meredith changes from her nightclothes into her hospital clothes and lets the couple into the on-call room and teaches them how to lock the door.

And also where the laundry bin is, and asks them to politely strip the bed and throw the used sheets and pillows in there once they are done.

She puts an 'out of order' sign she found in the janitor's closet over the door on the room, and she hopes this will keep people away, despite it being unusual for a bedroom to have something 'out of order' in it...

And Meredith sighs as she heads back to the patient room and packs up the form-fitted blue dress and the kitten heels into her backpack and the necklace back into her pocket.

The one thing she keeps on is the 'elevator love letter' lipstick, which she reapplies as she watches the babies sleep and starts thinking of Addison all over again.

* * *

A nurse gives her a fifteen-minute break after an hour, so Meredith decides to finish her project from earlier.

She had been making a mixtape for Addison, and she wanted to finish this before she no longer had the keys to Addison Montgomery's office.

Meredith still thinks that perhaps Addison was having a relationship/affair with someone who was not her… Or had some other dirty little secret to tell.

But after the initial panic and running off, Meredith wanted to keep being Addison's 'secret admirer' at least, and to continue to be nice for the redhead and possibly ask her out all over again.

Meredith selects the colored pencils from Addison's art supplies and takes out the CD she already burned from its generic case. She'd hidden it right in the box with the new ones, with only a post-it note to show which one she had selected.

Meredith takes the post-it note off of it now, so she can take out the currently blank front cover and make her own CD art.

She decides to draw her potted plant and put a date and a label on it. Because sure it wouldn't be so secret anymore. But that didn't matter much because Meredith still had Addie's keys, so she knew Addison wouldn't be able to open her gift until after she'd returned them.

So in the meantime, if everything went to shit and Addison rejected her or had some other lover lying around (literally…) then Meredith could always pull the plug on the gift and never hide it for Addison, anyhow.

Meredith took all this art supply stuff to the patient's room, where she resumed looking up at the monitors every two minutes, listening to the baby's heart rates and coloring the petals on the drawing of the flowers of the potted plan on the CD cover.

Meredith hummed the tune to "Turn To Stone" by Ingrid Michaelson as she did this, as it was the only track she burned to the disc. That was the song she sang Addison to sleep to, and she seemed to find it soothing enough.

So Meredith figures that the least she can do is provide a copy of it for Addison to dream of if she's having trouble sleeping in the nights that will follow.

_(Once Meredith finally gives Addison her keys back… Meredith thinks to herself.)_

* * *

The parents, to their own credit, do not take that long to, erm, finish…

And they are relieving her of her duties shortly before midnight.

So Meredith nods to them and asks if it 'went well', to which they said that 'it really did'.

And Meredith doesn't ask them any more than that at all.

They see her CD cover in her hands, though, and they ask her about it as they set themselves up for baby watch for the rest of the evening.

"Oh, it's for a friend…" Meredith half-lies to them without very much conviction.

"Your 'special friend' you mean?" Anna teases her lightly.

"Whoa-" Meredith yelps, not realizing Anna had just been able to read the label she'd written.

"Well, I don't generally make 'just my friends' gifts from their 'secret admirer' that's all," Emmet clarifies the reason for Meredith's confusion.

"Oh," Meredith says again.

_(She's been saying 'oh' a lot these days when she has nothing else better to say.)_

* * *

"Is this the person you've been having love problems about?" Anna asks her very gently.

"Yeah," Meredith sighs to them.

"Well, we're here to talk if you ever want to," Emmett says to her graciously.

"Thanks," Meredith says.

"I don't wanna talk about it now, but If I do thanks for being around," Meredith says.

"Always, we never found the love to be easy," Emmett says.

"It was work, building the trust, it took a while but we managed," says Anna.

"Thanks," Meredith says again.

"If you want to go to sleep now, I understand," Emmett says.

"Thanks, I think I will if you don't need me for anything else," says Meredith.

"Of course, you need your rest to be a good doctor, and also if you're having those love problems!" Anna says.

"Alright, well, thanks again, you're all lovely, and the other doctor, _Doctor Montgomery_ , will tell you more about the surgeries tomorrow…"

Meredith says, trying not to sound different in her voice when saying Addison's name…

"But also could you please NOT tell anyone at the hospital I'm having love problems? ESPECIALLY DOCTOR MONTGOMERY!" Meredith says to them loudly.

"AND DO NOT TELL HER OR ANYONE ELSE ABOUT THIS MIXTAPE DO YOU HEAR ME!" Meredith is saying a bit louder, realizing that the patients share her and Addison as a doctor and her 'secret admirer' identity could be gone in two seconds because of all this.

* * *

"We won't tell a soul," Anna promises as Emmett nods along with her.

"Goodnight, Doctor Grey," Emmett says to her kindly.

"Goodnight Anna and Emmett," says Meredith with a sigh of relief.

As Meredith leaves the patient room, she gathers all her things and slides the completed mixtape into Addison's locked drawer in her desk.

Her eyebrows lift slightly at the opened bottle of Bombay Saphire Gin, but she's hardly surprised given what she's seen growing up here.

She hides the mixtape behind that bottle and slides the remainder of the discs back into their case and puts them in the desk drawer as well. Then Meredith locks it all up, replaces the art supplies where she found them, takes Addison's keys with her as she leaves, and closes the door behind her.

She wanders around, finding the closest on-call room to Addison's office, but NOT the one she had shown to Emmett and Anna.

Meredith checks in her backpack, and smiles when she remembers that Addison had packed her toothpaste and a toothbrush and pajamas.

So she gets ready for bed and gets a glass of water and takes one of the aspirins before she finally settles in for the night.

She selects the bed that's further from the door and closer to the window and crawls into the top bunk bed. She lays out her scrubs for the morning and places her pager at the ready.

She takes out her phone, realizing it's dead and has been for a few hours. Meredith shrugs as she plugs it into the outlet to charge, and sets the alarm on the alarm clock next to her instead of the one on her phone.

She sets her bag at the shelf at her feet and tucks herself in. Meredith sighs as she wishes Addison were there to tuck her in again and brush her soft hair away from her face.

Meredith crinkles the blankets closer to her body, imagining it's Addison's hands that are doing the same.

Meredith falls asleep humming to herself, not the song "Turn to Stone" that she sang for Addison, but "Broken" by Lifehouse, the one that was always playing in Addison's car, which, she has grown to love more and more, as she feels that it brings her somehow closer to Addison.

* * *

_Meanwhile, at Joe's_

"Addison!"

Addison hears a voice screaming her name from behind her.

She doesn't turn around right away though, because it's not the voice of the person she wants to hear most, from right now.

"ADDISON!"

Addison hears the voice yelling louder and louder.

"ADDISON FORBES MONTGOMERY!"

Addison hears more of her names now, so she finally concedes and turns around to face a soaking wet Cristina Yang, who is begging for her to come inside out of the rain.

"She's not coming back for me," Addison says to Cristina sadly.

"She had a patient at the hospital, Addison, it's probably not actually about you," Cristina reassures.

"Can you call her?" Addison asks Cristina hopefully.

"I will just come out of the dark and into the bar, you're going to catch a cold if you stay outside!" Cristina exclaims compassionately.

So with one last cry of "MEREDITH" into the bitterness, Addison sulks her way to the door, as Cristina tries to dry her head off with paper towels from the bar, and Addison laughs as this task is near hopeless.

"We can call her if you want," Cristina offers.

And she hits the call button for 'Meredith Grey' on Izzie's phone because hers is still dead.

And Addison is too drunk to think to try to memorize Meredith's number, not that she could have, because Cristina was pressing the 'speed dial' button with only a picture of Grey from Izzie's contacts.

But Meredith never picks up (because her phone is now dead, but Addison and the interns have no way of knowing that,) so Addison leaves a sort of intelligible message for Meredith.

She says for her to "call me and let me know that you're safe, and I'm so sorry and I just want to talk to you because I do want to say yes to you to go on that date because that restaurant reeeeeeealy sounds something delicious. Nothing's gonna stop us now, and I really miss you Merediffffffffff!"

Addison slurs a little at the end of it all, and Cristina cuts the call short before Addison can say anything at all more incriminating.

And as Addison pouts at her a little, Cristina offers more water and ice chips as she calls them all a cab to get them back to the hospital.

* * *

"Can you tell us the story? While we wait for the taxi?" Izzie asks Addison rather expectantly.

"Only if you promise not to tell Meredif" Addison makes them promise to her.

And as they nod, Addison starts to tell them the story, from the very beginning.

Joe and Walter are around her now, too, passing her a cloth time to dry herself off as she recounts, in sort of a rehearsal, the monologue she knows she will have to deliver to Meredith within forty-eight hours or else suffer the consequences.

The interns listen intently, not asking any questions, not during, and not even when the whole thing is all over.

And when she's finally finished, and she's taken a series of deep, deep breaths, Addison looks up at George O'Malley, the most unlikely yet not unlikely at all, to ask her the question that they all must have been wondering.

"What is she, to you?" George finally asks her all softly.

"She's a friend, I guess," Addison says sadly, looking down now.

"She's more than a friend to you. Trust me, we know, we're her friends. And you're more," George says to her hopefully.

"We think that you love her. Or at least, I do," says Izzie.

They ask Addison if she loves her, if she loves Meredith, now.

And Addison says that she does.

She doesn't know why she's admitting this, to her students and bartenders of all people.

But she is, in the middle of the Emerald City Bar, at eleven-something in the evening, on the night of her divorce to Derek Christopher Shepherd…

Addison Montgomery is admitting just how damn much she loves Meredith Grey.

* * *

And she's saying it for the first time, to anyone in the world, she didn't even confess THAT much to Derek.

She has never told any interns much less anyone ever in her life but they're special to her.

The words taste cool on her tongue, and her admission is final.

She doesn't wish it weren't so. She doesn't wish it were different.

The only thing she wishes now is for Meredith to be right beside her.

But Meredith is at the hospital now, where Addison will end up eventually, also, anyhow.

And then she pauses because she feels like she needs to ask them for something.

She asks for their blessing, which she realizes is an odd thing to do, seeing as they haven't even agreed to go on a date yet at all...

And Derek certainly did not ask for any of Meredith's friends' approval before he dived right in and slept with the blonde intern.

But Derek wasn't here right now, and Addison is.

And Addison has a fierce determination to do everything better than Derek did.

Especially with things related to Meredith Grey.

So she asks them outright if they're ok with her seeing Grey.

And she gets the most unlikely of people to step up to give her an answer.

"We accept the love that we think we deserve,' Doctor Montgomery," says Alex Karev, as George sort of smiles at him, having passed along that message to Alex himself, from Meredith, earlier.

* * *

Addison thanks them for that, as she says to all of them that "you deserve great love of your lives."

And they say sheepishly that they all are sort of pairing up.

Addison smiles at them, as they start to speak to her over again.

"And we all think you deserve her, as much she deserves you if she wants you," says Izzie Stevens to her, finally.

"And that is only for Meredith to decide on her own," Cristina says to her softly.

"But you have to tell her the truth," Cristina says to her, again, because she has to.

"Because if she doesn't want you back after you've been holding that back from her…" Cristina continues.

"You can understand how that might have pushed her away," Cristina says tenderly.

"If that's her choice, please don't chase her as your ex-husband did."

Addison promises she would never want someone to try to be with her that didn't want her, just like she didn't want to be with someone who didn't want her back.

"But if SHE chases YOU, there's absolutely no reason for you to feel the need to run away from all that…" Cristina finally smiles optimistically at her, and Addison wants to cling on to this smile for all her hopes and her dreams.

* * *

They say 'yes' "But if you hurt her, just remember that it's five against one!"

And that they will tell Derek, Burke, Bailey, and the CHIEF if she breaks Meredith Grey's heart in any way, friend or more than a friend or not.

And Addison says this headfuck breakfast club of all interns is the most MAGIC-al group of friends she's ever seen and she's honored to be accepted as a sort of mentor to them.

And they say something like "yeah well we're your friend now especially if you dare Mer but if it comes down to you or she remember whose side we're picking."

Cristina gives Izzie a look to make her ask a question she's been wondering for a while but didn't want to say:

"But who do you have, Addison, who do you have here to catch you if you fall apart completely?"

Because it couldn't be them, she probably wouldn't want it to be Derek. Burke was an ass (says Cristina,) and Meredith is Bailey's intern and Richard is sort of like Meredith's father.

Addison says she has Mark Sloan at home who she still calls if she needs to don't worry about that.

_(She doesn't mention to them, that she'd sort of gifted Mark to Derek in their divorce, but she just couldn't come up with another name they knew...)_

_(If she actually ran into trouble she'd probably call her best-friend and person "Naomi Bennett," but she didn't want them to interrogate her about Nai, not now, anyhow.)_

_(So Addison just ends it all by saying she'll call Mark, and they seem to believe her.)_

"And if worse comes to worst I'll spill my guts to John the pregnant patient or to nurse Bohkee or the psychiatrist Raj/Arthur," Addison continues with a bit of a chuckle.

They all laugh.

She says she's a big girl and she can stand up on her own two feet now.

She says that she thinks she's growing into someone they can trust, and hopefully she will eventually become someone Meredith can grow into trusting, again, after all of this.

_(Even as she feels she wants to be 'new color on Meredith's bare walls' at the end of the day…)_

When they say they all want to wingman for Meredith but also protect her,

Addison just says to them "I wouldn't want to have it any other way."

Addison is helped back to the hospital by the interns to her office.

She would have found the CD, then, already made if she'd gone into her drawer at that point.

But she didn't need any more Gin anyhow. And even if she'd wanted it, she didn't have her office keys at all.

Someone had to let her into the door so she could hang up her coat on her coat rack and get out her spare clothes (perks of being an Attending!). But there is only one copy of the desk drawer key and Meredith still had it.

* * *

Addison ends up crashing at the hospital because she's way too messed up to go home to a hotel room at the Archfield.

Plus she needs to be there too early and has rounds for the Pyloric Stenosis babies in the morning and so it's better just to be nearby, anyhow.

Addison slips into the on-call room next to her office, and she's way too tired to notice that someone's already in the far upper bed by the window.

So Addison just crashes in the lower bunk closest to the door and falls asleep without ever noticing that Meredith Grey is actually just six feet away from her.

Meredith doesn't wake up, either, in the shuffle of Addison opening and closing the door. She's asleep so soundly she's not even snoring tonight, and she never feels another person's presence in the room until many hours later.

* * *

What Meredith was about to experience she would never, ever, forget for as long as she lived.

Meredith woke up hours later into the limelight, but before her alarm, but rather, in alarm.

She was awoken by the sounds of someone _moaning obscenely_ in the bed next to hers.

Meredith's head lifted up in alarm as her eyes shot down to the source of the sound, as she tried to figure out who the hell it was coming from, and why the hell it was happening.

_('JFC is somebody getting laid in this on-call room while I am still IN IT?!' Meredith freaks out and wonders.)_

_('Did they NOT SEE ME ASLEEP' Meredith wonders again.)_

_(Am I supposed to what - LEAVE now that my nap has been strangely interrupted by sex noises?)_

_(Am I supposed to just wait and try not to watch or try to watch or what?)_

But before Meredith could answer all those questions, her eyes go wide as saucers when she recognizes the voice calling out "Oh, oh, oh…".

And holy hell on high water -

It's the voice of Doctor Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery, _moaning_.

And Meredith realizes this now, and at first, she thinks she's with someone and the jealous rages through her entire being.

She's tensing her tiny, ineffectual fists now, ready to punch out the whoever is sleeping with her boss-mentor-friend-crush-infatuation-enigma-crush-PersonSheLovesButNotHerLoverQuiteYet who had told her just earlier on that she had a 'secret' to share with Meredith that had the potential to change _everything._

But before Meredith can go all 'say anything' on the nonexistent person who she thinks is screwing Addison Montgomery, Meredith peeks out from the top bunk bed to where Addison is.

And she sees in another surprise, that not only is Addison completely and totally alone - but that she's also completely and totally _ASLEEP._

* * *

Addie's not even 'touching herself'!

Not in the masturbation sense, at least.

Addison is having a good dream.

A VERY nice dream.

A wet dream.

A fun dream.

A sex dream.

A very, very, good one too, judging by the sounds that Meredith is hearing right now.

Meredith wonders if she should leave or if she should stay…

And the gentlewoman part of Meredith is telling her maybe to go to leave Addie in private.

And the selfish and horny part of Meredith is telling her maybe to stay and enjoy this.

And eventually, the two parts of her being settle on staying because the last thing that would be helpful would be for Meredith to wake Addison up by trying to sneak off-

And thus, taking her away from her ultra-pleasurable-wet-dream.

And taking her away from her well-needed sleep to protect her from a devastating hangover.

And also to protect Meredith from having to face the personal and professional consequences of watching her boss-crush-person jerk herself off in her sleep-

Simply by rocking herself against a damn pillow, that she'd had between her knees anyhow.

* * *

Addison is moaning out "Yes, yes, yes" now and Meredith is secretly loving it.

And the scene is just so damn _erotic_ right now that Meredith wants to touch herself, also.

But again, that would require moving, and moving would lead to noise, which would probably lead to waking up Addison.

So Meredith doesn't move a muscle, and instead, she just watches in fascination as Addison dry-humps herself on her pillow through her panties and all of her clothes.

And she hears Addison start to swear as she edges herself on. Addison sounds incredibly sexy as she calls out "fuck" and "goddamn" and "wow."

Meredith wonders what she is picturing, as she snaps back to her own sex dream about Addison from the other day.

She's wishing with all of her existence that Addison is imagining herself doing things with her - with Meredith Grey.

She's hoping that it's not someone else. Hoping that it's not Derek or Mark or anyone from her past. She's hoping it's not someone else random she's hooking up with, in Seattle.

Someone else who could have prompted her divorce from Meredith's ex-boyfriend. Someone else who could be pulling her as Meredith feels she's also trying to seduce Addison...

As she considers this, Meredith wonders just what Addison could be imagining, if, in fact, Addison is imagining herself in a sexy situation with Meredith.

Where would they be? What would they be doing?

Who would be doing what - to whom - and in what _position_?

* * *

Meredith is starting to have all of these wonderful and wild desires of her own, picturing herself being in between Addison's legs now, rubbing up on her instead of just a lame pillow.

And as Addison milks all the friction she can from the soft wedge between her knees against all the layers of clothing, she rocks and she rocks as she calls out more and more and louder and louder.

She's calling out intelligible words, sometimes, as Meredith can sometimes hear her begging for "more" and "harder" and "faster" and "stronger" and "yessssssss."

Addison must be heating up a lot now, as Meredith feels herself dripping wet again almost instantly.

Yes, Meredith was going to have to 'take care of herself' as soon as she could. After all the close calls to kissing Addison earlier, after having touched her on the shoulders and having Addison touch her back that way…

Meredith was wound right up like a tangle, needing another orgasm to detangle all of her sexual frustrations.

She then realized that at least maybe, maybe she could have maybe played a role in getting Addison into this situation from having wound her up earlier.

Wound her up right after narrowly NOT KISSING HER with her pressing her fingers right onto Addison's lips…

So Meredith keeps watching as Addison keeps thrusting over and over, raising herself higher and higher into the pleasurable sensations she was having inside her sleep.

And the bitter part of Meredith wonders if this sex dream is at least better than any of the sex she'd had. And probably not recently had unless there really was a 'someone else' in their midst.

If Meredith hadn't been the 'secret admirer' herself, she would have worried all about that person. Idly, she wonders why Addison hasn't felt a fit of similar jealousy when she brings up the 'mystery person'.

Or maybe Addison was just _much_ better at hiding it than Meredith is. And Meredith thinks that that might be the case because Addison did have much more experience with relationships than she did…

* * *

But Addison had NO experience at all with the _ladies_ , whereas Meredith has a _bunch_.

She thinks again with a smirk all the ways she'd love to prove to Addison just how well a woman could fuck her.

She's had Derek, (Addison's had Derek) she'd known Derek (Addison's known Derek). And Meredith thinks she could beat Derek well at his own game. Meredith doesn't know this Mark Sloan person, but she'd seriously like to beat him out, too.

And then Meredith wants to stop thinking about these other boys altogether and wants to start thinking about the fact that Addison calls out like a whore when she's having sex with herself.

Her moans and her groans and her grunts are so loud Meredith hopes that Addison bothered to lock the door because the last thing they needed was for someone to walk in on Meredith watching Addison getting herself off and spreading hateful rumors about her.

Oh, but the way Addison is humming and purring and moaning now as her hair is all splayed out like sex and there are sweat beads running down on her face… Holy shit is it HOT.

And Meredith watches as Addison's eyes are pressed tightly shut. And Meredith sees how Addison is clutching the pillow to her center so she can bang her clit and her inner thighs off it harder.

And Meredith watches as Addison is panting, her breathing is so ragged and erotic as she's disheveled completely.

Meredith thinks Addison looks the most beautiful this way. All hot and wanting, not a care in the world except finding release.

Meredith would do anything, everything, to be able to be the one to bring Addison such pleasure for herself.

Meredith sits there thinking in the limelight she's about ready to hear Addison out if Addison asks her again to hear her out, then she will, for the chance Addison wants her, for the chance she could know one way or another, for certain, if there is or is not, anyone else on her mind...

* * *

_**Meanwhile, in Addison's Dream...** _

"Oh, oh, oh" Addison Montgomery calls out as she imagines Meredith Grey holding onto her wrist, leading her out from her own car and dragging her to her hotel room at the Archfield.

Addison is so turned on right now, just watching Meredith hold even that one part of her now, as she smirks. Then she reaches into Addison's pants pocket to grab her room key card.

Meredith reads the room number, room 2201 off of the card as she presses the button for the twenty-second floor.

During the agonizingly long elevator ride, Meredith pushes Addison to the door and she grinds her whole body against Addison's. She asks her how she makes her feel.

Addison calls out "oh" again, and Meredith smirks as she takes this as a hint to continue.

Meredith grinds herself into Addison and braces both of her hands on Addison's waist as Addison brings her hands to Meredith's back.

Meredith lets her dig her fingernails in a bit over all of her clothing, as Addison grips on for dear life when Meredith starts moving her mouth down to Addison's collarbone.

"Are you mine, and only mine, Addison?" Meredith asks with a husk.

"Yes, yes, yes" Addison moans out to her, confirming that there's no one else who can please her like this.

Meredith feels her up over her clothes, running her hands all down Addison's sides and caressing everything everywhere from her shoulders to her back to her stomach to her chest.

Meredith is about to latch her mouth to Addison's collarbone when the elevator "dings" and this signals that they have reached the floor for Addison's room.

So Meredith reluctantly lets go of Addison and takes her by the wrist again as Addison moans out "Oh," again, just like she had called out the first time.

Meredith motions for Addison to lead the way to her room, and Addison does, Meredith shoving the key forcefully into the door and swearing at it when it doesn't work the first time and this makes Addison chuckle.

* * *

The moment they are inside the hotel room, however, there are no more chuckles from Addison.

Meredith gives her a piercing and predatory look that makes Addison weak at the knees.

She puts out the sign that says 'do not disturb' and she clicks the lock shut.

Addison wants to say 'thank-you' or something.

She's silenced by Meredith tearing and ripping all of her clothes off.

Meredith starts with her top, which she flings over to somewhere, and then she reaches for Addison's bra which she unclasps and flings in the very same direction.

Meredith undoes Addison's belt in one go and flicks the button and the zipper of Addison's jeans.

She reaches right into Addison's damn pants before Addison could do anything to touch Meredith back.

Addison calls out a few expletives the first time Meredith succeeds at finding her clit over her underwear.

She screams out "fuck" as Meredith presses her thumb there and starts rubbing rough circles around it through her panties.

Meredith pulls down Addison's pants and her panties now, as she motions for Addison to step out of her remaining clothes and she helps her do this.

Meredith throws the pants somewhere. Then she sets back to the task at hand.

Meredith presses Addison up against the wall of her hotel room and latches her lips to Addison's pulse point right away.

Meredith stops for a second, pulling back, asking Addison's permission before she starts to put on all the hickeys she wants to.

Addison pulls Meredith's hair in response and says to her "yes" before motioning with her hands something about her scarf which feels like an inside joke to the both of them, at this point.

So Meredith latches onto Addison's neck, and she sucks and she sucks and she's going to leave a hell of a mark.

And Addison doesn't mind at all because she loves the feeling of Meredith being so rough with her tongue.

And Meredith wants to mark her, to show the world that she's HERS.

And a fucked-up part of her wants to make their mutual ex jealous that she's a better lover than he was to her.

And to make the world jealous that SHE, Meredith Grey, had the hottest freaking girlfriend in town.

And Meredith moves up to Addison's ears, taking them into her mouth and devouring them. She leaves sloppy kisses and she nibbles with her lips and her tongue.

Addison is so soaking from just this that she starts to buck her hips off of nothing and Meredith makes fun of her for being so eager for her-

While her eyes say that she's so glad that Addison wants her with every inch of her being...

* * *

Addison eventually begs Meredith to do more, make her feel more.

So Meredith latches her hands to Addison's breasts and she feels the weight of them in her hands. She's always wanted to do this; to touch Addison here, and like this.

Meredith massages Addison's breasts with the surgical precision she's offered to Addison before to her massages.

But this is nothing platonic, nothing G-Rated, nothing PG-Rated, oh this is shaping up to be so much more.

Meredith then fastens her lips to one of Addison's breasts, and she takes the whole of it in her mouth for as much as she can.

Addison swears out "goddamn" as she presses Meredith further into her nipple.

She nibbles her nipple now, bites it a bit. Not enough for it to hurt too much, but enough for Addison to say "wow" as she can feel Meredith sense exactly what her body needed to feel alive.

Meredith teases her so much until she can't stand it anymore.

Eventually, Addison gives up with the formalities and takes Meredith's wrist in her hand and uses it to guide Meredith's fingers right in front of her center.

"Do you want me to touch you there?" Meredith asks.

Addison whimpers to her as she yells out a "YES!" At the top of her lungs.

* * *

And Addison gasps as Meredith cups her over her center.

She doesn't go inside, instead, she just presses the weight of her entire palm to Addison as Addison pumps her hips into her.

Meredith allows her palm to writhe around to feel all of Addison as Addison bucks up into Meredith's hand.

Addison calls out "more" as she wants Meredith to go faster or harder or SOMETHING.

And Meredith does offer more, she runs her free hand up and down Addison's thighs and she fastens her mouth back to Addison's breasts.

She licks them with her tongue as she strokes over all of the outside parts of Addison's center.

Addison cries out for "harder" as Meredith is being gentle.

Addison cries out for "faster" when she just can't get enough.

Addison cries out for "stronger" as the harder and faster can't send Addison flying over the edge yet.

And Meredith keeps going, keeps suckling Addison, keeps feeling her up, keeps circling her palm over Addison's white-hot core.

Addison squeals out "yessssssss." as Meredith edges her closer and closer to the inevitable climax.

And Meredith has her eyes locked on Addison now, showing all of the sex and all of the caring and all the emotion she wants to convey with her actions.

And the words go unspoken between them as Addison starts to come undone over Meredith's hand.

She has her back arched off the wall and she has her eyes pressed tight shut and her head thrown back in ecstasy.

And Meredith sends one last perfect stroke over all of Addison's center to make her scream out her name as she orgasms.

She shook with every bone in her being as she collapsed into Meredith's arms as she held her and brushed the hair off of her face as Addison called out to her.

She called out for her. She called out for HER, then:

" _ **Mer, Meredif, Meredith, MEREDITH, MEREDITH GREY!"**_

* * *

" _ **Mer, Meredif, Meredith, MEREDITH, MEREDITH GREY!"**_

Addison doesn't even wake up as she shouts this to high heavens in the goddamned on-call room inside of her sleep and inside of her dream but pouring out loud in the real world.

She's dreaming a little dream of Meredith, and Meredith Grey from her upper bunk bed has been watching her through the whole time.

Meredith feels she has a million happy tears swell up in her eyes as she hears this.

She hears Addison's unconscious confession to her, that SHE is the one that Addison wants.

And to hell on high water be damned if there was anyone else in her life tempting her.

Because Addison, as she orgasmed, as she came with everything she had in her slumber…

Addison had called out to HER, Addison had called out FOR HER.

Addison had called out every iteration of her name and her nicknames for HER, for Meredith Grey.

Addison had been picturing HER bringing her pleasure.

Addison had been picturing herself having sex with HER, her and nobody else.

And if that wasn't proof enough, Meredith didn't know what would ever be.

Proof of Addison's lust for her.

Proof of Addison's want for her.

Proof of Addison's need for her.

All of these lusts and wants and needs that Meredith felt for Addison, she now knew was not only one-sided.

They were at least two-sided in the deepest depths of Addison's subconscious mind.

And Meredith thinks to herself she thinks there's even more to it than that.

The way Addison had called out for her, with such reverence and joy…

It was how she felt about Addison every time she pronounces that damn name off her lips.

And Meredith decides, then, as she closes her eyes finally and pictures herself happy.

**Meredith decides that she's not going to run anymore. She's not going to hide or give up.**

**She's going to listen if Addison asks her to.**

**And no matter what Addison Montgomery says to her…**

**No matter what her dirty little secret is-**

**Meredith Grey is going to try like hell and high water, to meet her halfway.**

* * *

*****

*****

*****

*****

*****

******* END OF CHAPTER 34**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

_Hope you enjoyed this porn-with-plot sequence :D_

_And yeah, I wanted to leave this one at a happy-making cliffhanger._

_Because we deserve it._

_Yes, the chapter is slightly shorter than yesterday's, because that one broke the record and I can't keep doing that if I want to keep up with this._

_But I still care just as much, and I care what you all think so let me know!_

In the last chapter, and this one, there have been several instances of Addison drunkenly calling Meredith "Meredif" and I wanted to acknowledge that I got the idea from "What Happens Here" by Seattlerain879 on Ao3. There were also mentions of "I've missed you," in a sentence and that's an allusion to that work by TheNetflixGal, and "Can I Go Where You Go" a work by lightningmaystrike.

The many Truth or Dare games are fun but they cannot compare to the whole "Truth or Dare" fanfiction by Emylilas. As well as "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by IllegalKittens. A few chapters ago there was the use of "NO WAY" and "Gladly another time," both phrases from "Heavy Rain" by Lydialyn and these are all other great modern fanfics.

Another allusion in this chapter is to "New Color (On My Bare Walls)" by mammothluv and the many many mentions of caring and sex nearby in a sentence are of course allusions to "Sex and Caring in Seattle" by Bluefall. And last, but not least for the classical allusions are the many times the title of "I Think I'm Growing Into Someone (You Could Trust) by StephIsInsanity. The letters are also a feature that is explored much more in depth in "Letters to A.M" by aymr.

Another partial allusion was to "Black and Blue, and a Little Bit Broken" by AliceSloane13 **on Fanfiction** , whose story "Christmas Lights" I am also addicted to and that's where I sort of stole the idea of one of them leaving their card at the bar for the other, from. Anyways, I recommend checking those two stories out, too, though they are VERY heavy and that's why they're breathtaking, but just a heads-up.

And also from Ao3: Hime_no_Kowai_Shumi, LordofLezzies, WhatwouldagentScullydo, Shadowlions_yeet, Kristin_Aubrie,,bg3929, skidney, MeetMeAtTheEndOfTheUniverse, Anna, MissLuthor506, becarefulcontentspriceless, Dragon_QueenMorri, Seldom_naughty, olivia, souvenirscar, LarisUSB, Mbufton12, … probably more I missed - SORRY! have been around commenting/writing on Ao3 the past while and it's been a real pleasure.

On Fanfiction: Spritti21, bran tregare, Melissagirl, mandagirl79, MysticSong1978, VFBFan, artiethecat, NathalieRae, Mford473, and a bunch of lovely guests.

On Wattpad: addiesbaby, author4all, itslexipedia, XXGreysAnatomy, outlawqueenpercabeth, Kennas_Backup00, danielaperezsurga, and MANY MORE but these few always seem to read the chapters literally the second I post them and it's actually magical !

Soo, that's a shortlist of works and users that I have decided to honor so far (in addition to the ones from last night). If I forgot you in the copy/paste shuffle I am so sorry thinking of you!

Also, sometimes readers ask how I got better at writing, and the answer is mostly from reading a heck tonne of fanfiction, commenting on every damn chapter (yes, commenting makes me a better writer from analyzing other people's work and interacting with authors!), and eventually picking up on how fanfiction writing works, as well as styles from the ship in itself, and just writing as much as I can. I also publish at 80% perfect, and often back-edit with help from readers. Hope this helps those folks who are considering just getting started! :D

_So, to MerAdd and everything else writers out there, again, this work is especially in recognition for you as well as to the commenters out there. Hope you'll reach out and take care!_

_Enjoy the next approximately 48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!_

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

* * *

_Much love, bobbiejelly_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all, and this is posted today along with a new chapter of "Cookies & Quickies" if you follow that one, about Teddy/Meredith and eventual MerAdd/Teddina.


	35. I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pyloric Stenosis babies provoke multiple wardrobe malfunctions. Mostly porn but WITH critical plot. Rated E for Explicit. Just for Fun. Well, I mean, all of the fun is for Addison & Meredith... ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a blast!

_Author's Note:_

_Thanks for the lovely fan mail on yesterday's optimistic chapter. It's always nice to get some love, and today has been full of lots of all that._

_Shoutout to "IllegalKittens" on Ao3 who has started reading this and commenting on every single chapter with very insightful remarks! And yes, the line about 'Only Montgomery' is yours, here. You'll know when you get there, it's yours from the comments._

_Shoutout to Kristin_Aubrie who is the latest sole commenter on Ao3 for the past few chapters and it makes my day, every day, and keeps up my confidence!_

_And to the person who reviewed on Fanfiction and said they were done with this because it's a lot of missed opportunities already, umm, goodbye I guess, and you might not see this at all, but here I go. Thanks for reading the first part, and if you decide not to go on I can respect that! I won't chase on after you and beg you to keep reading. If you do decide to continue; then that's up to you._

_Thanks for all the stars on Wattpad my friends :D, and thanks for the kudos on Ao3 and the favs on Fanfiction. Either way, the acknowledgment really goes a long way!_

_Glad to see there are some devout fans who read this as soon as it happens. You are my #1's and you make this all happen. To those of you reading at any point, I do go back and back-edit quite frequently, so if you're reading this in April/May 2020 you might be reading one version, but if you go back and re-read it later, you might find a more polished less typo-riddled beast._

_But alas, here's Chapter 35 for you all. It is also rated E for Explicit, take from that what you will._

_Apologies in advance for my leaning on the fourth wall humor, and references to real lives._

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_**PREVIOUSLY ON "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING":** _

* * *

"Mer, Meredif, Meredith, MEREDITH, MEREDITH GREY!"

Addison doesn't even wake up as she shouts this to high heavens in the goddamned on-call room inside of her sleep and inside of her dream but pouring out loud in the real world.

She's dreaming a little dream of Meredith, and Meredith Grey from her upper bunk bed has been watching her through the whole time.

Meredith feels she has a million happy tears swell up in her eyes as she hears this.

She hears Addison's unconscious confession to her, that SHE is the one that Addison wants.

And to hell on high water be damned if there was anyone else in her life tempting her.

Because Addison, as she orgasmed, as she came with everything she had in her slumber…

Addison had called out to HER, Addison had called out FOR HER.

Addison had called out every iteration of her name and her nicknames for HER, for Meredith Grey.

* * *

_END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE._

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly. NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 35: I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked**

* * *

_Pyloric Stenosis babies provoke multiple wardrobe malfunctions. Mostly porn but WITH critical plot. Rated E for Explicit. Just for Fun. Well, I mean, all of the fun is for Addison & Meredith... ;)_

* * *

Addison climaxes into herself like a train. She's arched completely off of the bed as she comes. She clenches her fists into the pillow and her toes curl into the sheets as she screams.

Addison trembles as if there were an earthquake overtaking her. She shivers as if she were cold, but she is far from cold; she's overheating in bliss.

As Addison comes down from her orgasm, she shakes and she shudders from the waves of pleasure as well as from the aftershocks.

Addison sighs contentedly in her sleep as she finally settles down. Her breathing slows to a steady pace and her heart rate goes back down to baseline.

Eventually, Addison's dream sequence changes all in her head. She's still picturing herself and Meredith. But now she's picturing herself being led to bed by Meredith.

Addison is imagining that Meredith is carrying her to sleep, tucking her under the covers and crawling in right beside her. Addison is imagining Meredith singing her to sleep again…

* * *

Meredith watches wide-eyed as Addison takes herself through the whole long and slick and sweaty ride.

Meredith sees as Addison falls into a deep, non-wet-dream sleep again.

She watches as Addison's muscles unclench and her brow is unfurrowed.

She watches Addison settle into a 'post-sex haze' of asleep.

Meredith watches Addison vaguely murmur something semi-coherent sort of like "thank-you Mer…" and "goodnight," before she stops talking out in her sleep at all, entirely.

Meredith watches Addison settle in for the rest of the night. And she's wide awake but still exhausted. She tries to process it all as she closes her eyes, and tries not to move an inch.

* * *

When Addison finally wakes up in the morning, she checks at the clock and sees it's still an hour before rounds.

It's before Meredith would have to wake up to her pre-set alarm, but Addison is an Attending and she does care for her appearances more than she cares at all to mention to anyone.

Addison also has started to care more and more about what she's wearing and about the makeup she is putting on with her outfits.

She's like to say it isn't about Meredith, but it _totally is._ Addison has this desire to impress the damn intern, much more than she ever had the desire to impress her ex-husband.

She really wants to impress Meredith in a way that will get her to say to HER the whole 'pick me, choose me, love me,' speech she's only heard secondhand, and directed at Derek.

And it's different, in every way. With Derek and even Mark, she was trying to impress them to get them to treat her well. With Meredith, she is trying to impress her now, and yet, Meredith…

* * *

Meredith _already_ treated her well. Meredith treats her well. Meredith cherishes her. She cherishes her, always… In a way she's never been cherished by _anyone_ in her lifetime. EVER.

Not by her father, 'The Captain' Montgomery. Because as she's said to Meredith just yesterday night, he just screwed around on his secretaries and made Addison wait for him. Alone.

Not by her mother, 'Bizzy Forbes. Because as she's said to Meredith on the night she doesn't remember, her mother never, ever let her cry or be anything less than prim and perfect.

Not even by her brother, 'Archer Montgomery', who she loves more than anything. He carried her home, yes. But he always felt he knew better than Addison, even when she was right.

And she doesn't want to even get started on Derek, who always treated her like he took her for granted, while he lusted over other boys, but mostly over his best friend Mark Sloan.

And then there was Mark Sloan, who wanted his hair stroked and liked to be called a 'good boy' in bed, and Addison thought it was strange but she kept that a secret, at his own request...

* * *

And all this brings Addison full circle thinking about Meredith. She thinks more and more about that blonde girl. She hardly ever doesn't think about Meredith Grey.

She thinks of all the little things Meredith does for her. She drives. She feeds her Skittles, Junior Caramels, Cheetos, Aspirin, Gatorade, Doctor Pepper, Cherry Vanilla Sodas, and Cakes.

She is totally consumed and obsessed but in a very deep and intimate way. Intimate in an emotional even more than a sensual sense, though she feels that as well, now, of course.

Addison feels like she was drowning herself in Derek, and clinging to dear life to Mark. But she feels that Meredith, Meredith is there and she's _not_ 'like coming up for fresh air' in a sense.

Meredith is there as if she's saying to Addison, soothingly, 'you _deserve_ to swim up for fresh air. You don't _need_ ME to help you swim. I'm just here to tell you _you don't have to drown yourself_ '.

Addison feels that Meredith is the first person she's met in Seattle, she is the first person who called her only 'Montgomery', unattached back then from Derek. She's her first-ever Gay love...

* * *

Addison takes a deep breath as she blinks her eyes open now. She twitches her fingers and toes as she tries to summon the strength to get up out of bed and face this whole day.

As Addison does this, she's overtaken instantaneously with a panic. _She feels_ _extremely sticky and she has no idea why!_ Addison panics and wonders if she's peed her pants, wet the bed.

But then she doesn't feel _wet_ , per se. She doesn't feel all of her clothing and the sheets are soaked through. She just feels... _sticky_. Sticky at her center and she's sort of confused.

Because Addison, may we remind ourselves, has no idea how to masturbate (even though that makes literally no sense because she's what, thirty-nine now?). But she doesn't. At all.

So she's not used to the stickiness, and she's not so sure where it comes from. Sure she's had plenty of sex before, but that was with boys and that was all different. She was _with someone_.

And now she's with no one and she's all sticky waking up from her sleep. And she feels… Good. Really good, actually. All refreshed and perky and she's slept like a baby. Not hungover at all.

* * *

Addison thinks it's all because of Meredith _(she doesn't remember just HOW MUCH it was 'all because of Meredith…)_ and she thinks to herself she really has to thank the intern, today.

But alas, Addison is still _sticky_ as all hell. So she decides that she needed a shower anyways and this stickiness just proves that point even further.

So Addison goes to get her shower and get ready for the morning as she changes into fresh scrubs and brushes her teeth and all that and puts on her makeup to be 'just so'.

Addison then goes to take her stuff out of the on-call-room before realizing she still doesn't have her keys. So she just leaves it all there anyways and slips out without another sound.

She doesn't notice the still-slumbering Meredith Grey in the top bunk bed by the window. She doesn't notice there's been another occupant to that very on-call room all night, at all.

Addison just goes about her business and goes to check on her patients before rounds. One might think she wouldn't have to; being an Attending and all, but she really does like these babies.

* * *

"How did they do last night?" Addison asks Anna and Emmett, who she has already met for many consults with them, ages ago.

"Pretty well, they haven't been sick all night which seems to be a first. And the young doctor who was here for the night shift was excellent at taking care of them, and us, as well," they said sweetly.

"Good to hear it, well we should do an exam just to check," Addison says to the parents. So Anna moves to the other chair to allow Addison to examine the boy, baby Y.

And she checks all his reflexes and takes his vitals and finds them to be decent. "So how have you been, Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd, it's been quite a while", says Anna.

"Oh, It's only Doctor Montgomery now," Addison says, trying not to wince at Anna's obviously innocent mistake, as she hadn't told them yet about her and Derek's divorce.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Anna says to her empathetically, and it sort of reminds Addison of Meredith. "Oh, don't be," Addison says truthfully. "I'm sort of happy about it," Addison says before she can stop herself.

* * *

"Oh, is there someone else in your life?" Emmett pipes in with a question. "Oh, um, maybe," Addison answers a bit noncommittally. She still doesn't know where she stands with Meredith Grey...

"Love problems?" Emmett asks her a bit knowingly. "Like you wouldn't BELIEVE," Addison says in a huff. And she catches Anna smirking at this but she can't quite figure out why.

"What?" Addison asks Anna about her reaction. "Oh, no, it's nothing, I was thinking about something else," Anna says quickly, as Addison eyes her before giving up.

_(Of course, Anna and Emmett are thinking about the uncanny way that both Doctor Grey and Doctor Montgomery both said the same thing in the very same way…)_

"Well, Y seems to be great, we just have to be checking on X, now," Addison says with a smile. She's happy, she woke up very happy despite being up late last night at the bar.

As Addison checks up on X, though, X starts throwing up and Addison doesn't move fast enough to move away from it all. It gets all over her scrubs and Addison excuses herself.

* * *

Addison heads back to the same on-call room she was in to take a shower and to change into a new pair of scrubs. She's a bit exasperated now, because she's just had a shower after her stickiness from this morning.

Addison is not necessarily tiptoeing on her footfalls, but she's not being especially loud, either. Meredith is still (of course, unbeknownst to Addison,) asleep in the top bunk, unaware of it all.

So she tosses her ruined scrubs in the bin outside the door and she's standing there almost completely naked now, except for her bra and panties. And she notices a familiar head in the bed.

So doesn't want to wake her still, because she thinks that would be terribly mean, especially after all the hard work Meredith put into taking care of her all evening.

So Addison simply showers and gets ready all over again. She thinks she'll get away without waking Grey until she drops her damn hairdryer and it hits the floor with a bang.

Meredith stirs, but she only rolls over so she's facing the door now, and closes her eyes after only opening the, briefly to see if there had been an explosion, which there had not been.

* * *

So Meredith closes her eyes again and tries to self-soothe herself to sleep. She'd love to get another hour in, she did need it after everything. So she squeezes her eyes shut and tries.

She's not yet asleep again, but she's not quite awake, either, when Addison emerges from the washroom with her hair all dried out, but still wearing only a towel over her naked body.

She put on her perfume, to cover any remaining smell of the spit-up (not that there was any, it was only Addison's paranoia), but the familiar scent of brown sugar and spice was noticeable.

Noticed by Meredith, at least, who inhales it and smiles into a sigh. She finds the familiarity and sweetness relaxing and she imagines Addison next to her, the pleasurable aroma wafting by.

And Addison can't help but hear the sigh that Meredith has emitted in her sleep, so she snaps her eyes to Meredith's sleeping (semi-sleeping) form, and can't help but smile at the girl.

Addison wants to hold her in her arms and cuddle her to sleep all over again, but she can't because she has work to do eventually, so she settles on walking over to Meredith to tuck a hair behind her ear and to tuck her in all again.

* * *

Meredith feels the warm weight of Addison's hands again, as they tuck her into the covers. Meredith recognizes the sensation from the last time in the on-call room, where she'd been awake then, too.

And Meredith feigns sleep again because she wants Addison to keep doing what she is doing. So she keeps her breaths even as Addison soothes down the blankets like a cacoon.

She's swaddled so tightly it feels just like a warm hug. Meredith can't help but melt a bit and imagining she's in Addison's arms all over again. But she settles for this, now. What she has.

As Addison finishes tucking the blonde intern in, she pauses for a second, seeing the smile on Meredith's face. She thinks she's beautiful like this, just so peaceful and sweet.

Addison just watches as Meredith senses Addison watching her. Meredith likes it. Addison likes it. Addison wants to do more, so she reaches to tuck the tail of Meredith's hair behind her ear.

At this touch, Meredith can't help but hum involuntarily, but luckily for her, it doesn't signal to Addison she's awake, just that she's pleased. Addison takes a longing look before stepping away.

* * *

Addison is not dressed yet, so she doesn't leave the room. She gathers a fresh pair of scrubs, this time navy blue because she's run out of salmon-colored ones. Attending scrubs, she thinks.

She slips her towel off, laying it neatly on the towel rack in the washroom. She's completely naked now, and unaware that Meredith has opened her eyes just a touch to see her like this.

Meredith coughs involuntarily at the shock of a very naked Addison Montgomery right in front of her, and it makes Addison's eyes shoot up to the blonde's. She expects them to be wide-eyed.

But they aren't, Meredith has them squeezed shut, pretending dutifully to be asleep again. It doesn't _quite_ fool Addison though, because she can see the telltale smile pull on the corners of Meredith's eyes.

Addison turns her back to Meredith now, smirking to herself widely. She doesn't want Meredith to know that she knows that Meredith is awake, aware, and also watching her change.

She wants to save Meredith from THAT embarrassment, and also she wants to save herself from the embarrassment of having to admit how much she adores every second of the blonde's attention.

* * *

Instead, Addison just teases Meredith by stretching a bit, arms high to the sky, and doing a side-to-side yoga thing. If anyone were to ask her about this she'd lie and say she thought she was alone…

Not that Meredith was going to _tell anyone_ , because what the hell would she say, anyway? That she was peeping on her Doctor McBoss taking off her towel at 4:30 AM in an on-call room?

So Addison knew she had a sort of upper-hand, here, as she got out her moisturizing cream and started quite a show of applying the body butter to her entire body, slow as all hell.

Normally, Addison would just apply the cream to her legs, put on pants, rinse and repeat. Normally, Addison would get cold being exposed in the room, but now, she is far from chilled at all.

Addison is shivering, but with excitement and devilish anticipating, not from the nonexistent breeze that could blow on them from _inside_ a room with no open windows or doors.

Luckily for them both, the door was locked so no one was going to walk in on Meredith watching Addison literally rubbing her nipple and the inside of her hips with body butter and cream.

* * *

As Meredith watches, she only opens her eyes a little bit at a time, terrified that Addison could turn to meet her face at any minute. Addison doesn't, though, she never really turns completely.

Meredith starts to wonder if this is because Addison knows that she might be awake and looking, or might be awake, or just might wake up in general. Addie knows she's here, after all.

Meredith decides that it doesn't even matter, what matters is that she can see the curve of Addison's bare ass right in front of it and holy hell or high water was it absolutely amazing.

Addison's ass was so tight and so round and so toned… God, Addison MUST be into running, like Meredith had originally thought because her ass was so smooth and delightful.

Meredith just wanted to grab it with her hands and rub it and massage it under her fingers. She wanted to hold onto it while she fucked Addison with her mouth and her lips and her tongue…

Meredith had not gotten herself off after last night's… Very interesting experience… And now Meredith was having yet another interesting Addison experience and holy fuck was she horny as shit.

* * *

If anyone ever said this sort of thing about Addison's body OUT LOUD to her, Meredith would have wanted to hit them with a brick for objectifying Addison in such a grotesque sort of way.

But Meredith tried the beauty of rationalization in the way she allowed herself to think these not-safe-for-work-thoughts about her damn boss, to herself, _while at work_ , no less, of course…

She tried to rationalize that she and Addison had basically had a moment when they were going to be asking each other out anyhow so if they were gonna be a thing maybe she was ok thinking this.

Plus, if she never said anything _aloud_ to say, _other people_ , about the way she was describing Addison's bathing suit parts to herself as if she were narrating a damn porno, well, I guess…

Meredith didn't have a clever remark to make about that last one but she didn't care. Not a care in the world, because Addison sure didn't seem to have a care in the world as she did this.

She didn't seem to have a care in the world as she allowed her breasts to bounce up and down as she rubbed the cream against her taut stomach. ( _Jesus Addison, abs much!? Holy shit!)_

* * *

And all of it enveloped in Addison's drop-dead gorgeous Milk & Marble pale skin. The kind of smooth skin that Meredith had felt all over hands, even just on Addison's shoulders and neck.

Oh, so smooth and tender and warm. And Meredith imagines that Addison's skin would be all smooth and warm if she were to touch it right now. Meredith fantasizes about doing this.

Meredith fantasizes about being the one to apply all of this moisturizer to Addison's beautiful body. She imagines being the one to help her reach the spot on her back she couldn't reach.

Meredith imagines applying sunscreen on Addison's bare skin before going to the beach. She imagines soothing Addison with foot rubs before she helps her set dinner. She imagines…

Meredith imagines the sickly sweet sort of domestic bliss that she used to think was all bullshit but damn she would love to build a home and a life with this girl. Woman. Addie is a _woman._

And a beautiful woman at that. Meredith knows she's literally said that word over and over but it never seems to capture just how much Meredith can't take her eyes away, never could, ever…

* * *

Addison thinks back to the first time she had met Meredith in the lobby of this very hospital. She remembers how scared and hurt this blonde woman was, but also how heartbreakingly beautiful.

She remembers the blonde hair running smoothly over her shoulders. Perfectly framing her delicate face and her slender yet strong figure so appetizing, to say the least bit.

Perhaps Addison has been capital-G-GAY for much longer than she had thought… Addison wonders this to herself as she remembers herself thinking that she hated how Derek found her.

Found her, of all the girls in Seattle, by chance, in the very first bar he had stumbled into on his very first day moving out of Manhatten. How he had found this perfect 26-year old Addie had no sweet clue…

Age should be a problem. It might be a problem? Addison's 39 and Meredith is 26 and so maybe she's a bit older than her fellow classmates because she mentioned something about Europe.

Some backpacking trip she took with her ex-girlfriend or something she'd mentioned to Addison when they were driving around the other day with the Thai and the plant food and all and Addie talked about life in LA for her friends.

* * *

But Age doesn't seem to be a big deal for them. They're consenting adults. For all that it's worth, Meredith seemed to have some of the life experience even her husband had lacked. In a bunch of ways, Addison guesses.

By this she means, Meredith, beating Derek in some ways. Coming out, for one. Owning a non-rolling-HOUSE, in Seattle, for two. Caring deeply and actively for her, Addison, for three.

Well, the last one wasn't so much as a major life-accomplishment, but it sort of felt that way for Addison. Because, going back to her earlier interior monologue, Addison didn't feel loved a lot.

She usually felt that love had to be earned; that it was conditional and that it could be easily withdrawn and even taken away. She hadn't felt that with Meredith; she just felt, well, loved.

And that maybe should have been terrifying for Addison, as she thinks now about how she's literally doing a reverse-sort-of-strip-tease to try to seduce her ex-husband's ex-something…

While she pretends to be asleep while Addison pretends to not know that she's only pretending to be asleep. While Addison pretends to have a good reason for not being more honest, earlier...

* * *

While Addison savors what she realizes, might be one of the last times she gets to shamelessly flirt with the young intern before she has to get down to the nitty-gritty-super-serious stuff.

Addison savors the last moments of being in the "Before". The "Before" she tells Meredith she's her 'mystery person' and "Before" Meredith can tell her she either wants her still or she doesn't.

"Before" Meredith could turn her away, or ask a God-million questions, or have a falling out with Cristina. Addison REALLY had to make sure that THAT one didn't happen. She swears she will.

She'll do everything; everything in her power, "After" all of this has to happen. "After" she tells Meredith the truth she would insist that it was all HER fault for Cristina keeping secrets.

She would insist that Meredith break up with only HER if she wanted to burn bridges if she wanted to let someone go that it had to be ADDISON to pay the price for her own actions.

In the "After" all of this stupid game ended - after it was all over… Addison realized, then, that it could be the ending of everything. And she was terrified but exhilarated. Because she could WIN everything, also.

* * *

Meredith is all she ever wanted in a lover, she realized. She's been someone she can rely on to drive her and to nurse her when she is drunk. Someone who feeds her and hydrates her.

Meredith has told her to eat less junk food in a non-judgemental and non-patronizing way in the past few weeks, now, even more than Addison's own mother ever has in her entire lifetime.

Meredith holds her and touches her and massages out her sore muscles and eases her broken body to feeling better again. Meredith is the reassuring hand on her shoulder. Meredith is _there._

Meredith had her laughing until she was crying on some of the very worst days of her life. Meredith was there for her when she first left her husband; Meredith was there for her when she divorced him.

Meredith was the one to tell her she deserved better than Derek. Meredith was the one to hold her hand in the store when someone was hitting on her. Well, that was sort of Addison and her, also.

Meredith was youthful but also weary and wise. Meredith was the only person who could really understand the broken-bottle pieces that Derek had taken from her; she had the same scars.

* * *

At the same time, Meredith is watching Addison apply the cream down her long legs now. God those legs go on for miles and miles. Sure she always called Addison 'leggy and fabulous'.

But Meredith hadn't realized just HOW leggy Addison is until she could see her BARE legs exposed to the air and they were so perfect and strong and toned just like her abs.

Meredith thinks that Addison would be all she ever wanted in a lover. Someone strong and wiser than she is. Someone who knew about relationships that lasted longer than 3 months.

Meredith thinks that Addison would be someone she could touch and touch all she wanted and Addison would be as happy as a kitten to enjoy them. She wouldn't pull away or frown at her for that.

Meredith thinks that Addison could show her the whole world if she wanted to explore it. Addison probably knew literature and fine paintings and _culture_ and _fine wines and dining._

Normally these things bored Meredith but with _Addison,_ she would do anything just to hear her talk with her. Addison was the only person who could really understand her; Post-Derek, that is.

* * *

Meredith is enjoying all of this in the "Before". She was enjoying the "Before" Addison opened her mixtape which she had dutifully placed in her desk drawer, without giving her the keys, yet.

Meredith is enjoying the "Before" Addison ever knew she had sent her drinks from a 'secret admirer' who just happened to be her, and no one else, but here, on that night.

Meredith is enjoying the "Before" Addison ever knew she'd been paged for HER patients, who she stayed for that night. "Before" Addison knew about the naughty dreams Meredith watched her have…

Meredith is enjoying this because the "After" sacred Meredith so much because "After" Meredith tells Addison the truth about all of those things Addison might run away from her for all the lies.

Meredith wants to remember now because "After" Addison gives her a final answer on the yes or no to going out on a dinner date, she might lose Addison forever, even as just a friend.

Meredith wants to remember this moment because "After" Addison tells Meredith the secret she's been hiding from her that's so damn important to her, she's scared to either LOSE or WIN Addison completely, and for forever, and always...

* * *

Addison can hear Meredith's breath catch when she finally half-turns around. She doesn't turn around enough so their eyes could ever meet, but Addison turns around just enough for Meredith.

She turned around enough that Meredith could have a clear view of her front, so she could see her full breasts head-on. So she could see every part of her, even the under-the-bikini parts.

Addison allows Meredith to gaze upon her now-actually-wet-center as she stands there still naked, running her fingertips covered in moisturizer over her arms and her shoulders.

Addison realizes she's turning herself on as she does this, and it causes her to redden deeply, and blush a bit at the thought. The whole thing should have made her blush anyhow, but still.

Now Addison realizes just how horny she is all a sudden. She hadn't felt so tense in the morning and she had no explanation for this. But she felt it come on stronger, now. Oh, boy.

Addison realizes she should speed up this process because she didn't want to break the charade, and she didn't want Meredith to end up 'waking up' for real and jumping her now.

* * *

Meredith hears her breath catch as she realizes she's gasped when Addison had turned all around. She holds her breath for a moment, closing her eyes until she can recover fully.

Then she opens her eyes again and sees Addison's breasts from the front. All-round and perky and they look like they could fit into her hands like a dream. Meredith ached to touch them…

She can see Addison's whole center exposed, hair trimmed, nice and neat and professional and she realizes with a devilish sort of thought that Addison is already wet again, even after her 'dream'.

Meredith grows hotter and hotter at the sight and her mouth waters as she sees Addison's whole body with her red hair cascading down it, past her shoulders down her strong back.

Addison could be a model, she thought. She could be a model, like in Japan or somewhere exotic like that. She could be a TV star. She could have her own goddamn TV show if she wanted.

If Addison wasn't so busy saving lives she could be a celebrity, and Meredith is somehow glad that she isn't, at least not the TV sort at least. Because if she was one, Meredith wouldn't stand a chance, she thinks to herself...

* * *

And then Meredith can see Addison speeding up to get going. She wonders if it's because Addison heard her and she feels like a slut, watching Addison in secret like this.

But then she realizes that Addison might have been letting her watch all on purpose, to test her to see if she really did want her back in a sexual way. And of COURSE, she did, but for Addie…

Meredith starts to realize that Addison might have been putting on a show just for her, and letting her pretend to be asleep, while knowing she's been pretending, and Addie's pretending…

And all of this 'pretend stuff' really was grinding on all of the nerves. The 'mystery lover' drama that Meredith ALSO had to come clean to Addison about, even though she had talked about it.

She needed to reassure Addison she wasn't going out with her only until this mystery person can back to sweep her off of her feet again. She needed to reassure Addison there was no one else.

She decides it was a good thing that Addison got the reassurance she needed by this little flirting game of theirs in the morning. There were much worse things to wake up to… of course.

* * *

And as Addison finally puts on her clothes and does her makeup all over again, Meredith wonders to herself just how much Addison is doing all of this just for HER.

Some stupid part of her brain is hoping for MORE rather than LESS. Meredith wants it to be all about her all the time. Wow, and she thought she was just a vapid narcissist when she is drunk…

And then, Meredith starts to wonder again if Addison would ever be jealous of this 'mystery person' who she seemed to bring up a whole lot. Why did Addison freak out at the store?

Some girl had asked for her number and she'd said no and it turned Addison into a blind rage at the situation. But here she talked about someone _carrying her home_ , and Addison just nods…

Something was suspicious about that whole thing, but Meredith couldn't place a finger on it just yet in the morning. It is, after all, only before 5 in the morning and Meredith's alarm still has not gone off.

And Meredith sees Addison slip out into the darkness, leaving a waft of Brown Sugar And Spice in her wake. And she can see the corners of Addie's smile as she leaves and locks the door right behind her.

* * *

Meredith didn't come hard in her sleep like Addison did earlier, so she's completely a wreck right now. So Meredith waits for ages until she's sure Addison is gone, before working herself up.

It doesn't take much, she starts and then shuts her alarm off preemptively, knowing she won't fall back into sleep again. She keeps her eye on the clock, but knows she won't be long anyhow.

Meredith feels over her breasts and pinches her nipples right away. She thinks of how Addison's body looked and it makes her core clench and her tender parts swell with need and want and lust.

Meredith fantasizes about Addison all over again. This time she fantasizes about having sex with Addie at her hotel room. She fantasizes about taking her to her room - probably some penthouse suite…

Meredith imagines herself carrying Addison to the bed, then ripping all her clothes off, buttons flying and all. She imagines crawling on top of Addie and straddling her with her thighs.

As Meredith imagines this, she wants to get herself off in the same way Addie did. So she slides a spare pillow between her two knees and slides it up so she can feel it against her inner thighs.

* * *

Meredith rocks herself gently at first as she imagines pinning Addison's hands above her head. She imagines smiling at Addison as she does this, and Addison begging her to go on.

Meredith rocks herself more as she imagines Addison squeezing her hands so she'll start sucking on her collarbone and biting down on it with her teeth.

Meredith feels the pressure up against her clit as she imagines grinding herself down onto Addison's thigh, allowing her own wetness to permeate from herself then, to turn Addison on.

Meredith adds her hands to the mix, first with the pillow, pressing it into herself. And next in her fantasy, where she imagines Addison using her body weight to flip Meredith over as Meredith rolls onto her back.

Meredith then rubs the pillow into her harder, faster, stronger as she imagines releasing her hands from Addison's so she can plant them firmly in front of her, below Addison.

Meredith imagines Addison giving her a nod before sinking herself down onto Meredith's fingers. She imagines Addison fucking herself to her own rhythm as Meredith fucks her right back...

* * *

Meredith squeezes the pillow to her inner thighs as she edges herself closer and imagines Addison edging herself closer and closer as Meredith adds in a third finger to her, now.

Meredith squeezes herself better, in a better spot as she imagines herself striking Addison's G-Spot on purpose to make her howl out for her as she strokes with lightning precision.

Meredith clenches the pillow tight to her as she rocks herself harder and harder as she imagines screwing Addison harder and harder as she presses her thumb to her clit and devours her exposed skin.

Meredith rubs the pillow as she dry-humps it simultaneously as she imagines Addison starting to moan out her name as she had in her sleep just that previous night, "Meredith, Meredith…"

Meredith starts to feel herself right on the edge as she imagines it's Addison on the edge. She imagines it's Addison who is pulsing and starting to have her walls tighten around Meredith's hand.

Meredith finally feels herself coming undone as she imagines Addison climaxing over her fingers, wetness gushing out onto her hand. Meredith licks her own fingers, now, all while imagining it's Addison, who is doing the very same for her.

* * *

Addison _DOESN'T_ walk-in during Meredith screwing herself with a pillow, (thankfully, for Meredith's sake, because she has no idea how she would ever explain how she'd gotten this idea…)

Addison, instead, walks directly to the patient's room. Well, she sort of walks directly but actually she walks directly rather slowly because she's still flushed and blushing.

Addison doesn't want to look completely disheveled and a complete hot mess in front of her patients. So she splashes cold water on her face and reapplies her lipstick again.

Addison realizes that it's a replica of the lipstick she had gifted to Meredith and this distracts her all over again so instead she tries a one-minute-meditation app she downloads for her phone.

Addison finally manages to calm herself down enough into looking semi-normal and she scripts some white lie for herself to tell her patients so they don't think she's such a filthy whore…

Addison, of course, has no idea that her patient's parents wouldn't be able to judge her for her semi-sketchy on-call room activities, given the hypocrisy that this would entail for them.

* * *

Addison, therefore, blames her patient's ignorance of her post-orgasmic-pre-orgasmic-something-of-a-state on 'the heating in here'; their own excuse for last night.

Addison, therefore, goes to check on the babies X and Y again, this time, ensuring she's wearing an additional disposable gown before going anywhere near the babies.

Addison declares them in a fit state for operating, so she books the O.R. and tells the nurse to request the doctor who was on-call for them last night to check in for one last consultation.

Addison watches as the nurse pages Meredith, without telling Addison it's Meredith, because the nurse, of course, thought that she already knew that it was Doctor Grey on-call anyhow.

Addison is talking with the parents of her patients and she talks with them about her love life and about having a secret admirer, and the patients try hard not to give it all away, for Grey's sake.

Addison sees them looking between them as she talks about this, as she answers their questions about her 'recent taste in music' with a question, waiting for the on-call doctor to arrive.

* * *

"Shit," Meredith swears when she finally gets a page for none other than Addison's patients. 

(' _She's totally going to see how flushed I am on my face'. God, will she know that I just came, as in CAME, as in orgasmed while thinking of HER orgasming and stripping for me?!)_

Meredith pulls the sheets from her bed and she places them in the laundry bin outside the alongside her pillow.

She doesn't want to leave it for some poor doctor or who knows who else to wander in and sleep on, or worse.

Meredith's eyes widen at the bed Addison had been on, and she realizes Addison didn't even know to do the same with hers.

So Meredith strips 'Addison's Bed' and tosses the sheets and _that_ pillow into the laundry as well. ( _What am I ever gonna tell her if she asks)..._ Meredith wonders...

* * *

Meredith wanders to Addison's patient's room, eventually. After a bit of a walk to calm down her nerves and her racing heart ( _and_ _schoolgirl crush as hot-for-teacher-Mer makes its reappearance.)_

Meredith can see Addison talking very professionally with the parents before she steps into Addison's eye line.

She looks her up and down, loving it, loving the outfit and the makeup- And the perfect freaking outfit and hairdo and shoes and the whole freaking thing.

Meredith is _also_ thinking she likes Addison _so much better when she's naked in front of her_...

When Meredith finally walks into the patient room, right on time for rounds, she can't help smirking widely at Addison to let her know she'd been right about Meredith having been awake.

And Addison can't help but smirk back at her in a similar way, to let her know that she knew Meredith had been watching her and that she had been putting on a show for her benefit.

* * *

"Did you sleep well, Doctor Montgomery?" Meredith asks Addison, rather 'innocently'.

"I did, why thank-you for asking, Doctor Grey," Addison says to her, very formally.

"Did you sleep well yourself, Doctor Grey?" Addison asks Meredith right back with the same.

"Like you wouldn't BELIEVE, Doctor Montgomery," Meredith says with a wink to Addison.

"Well, I slept well, like you wouldn't BELIEVE, either, Doctor Grey," Addison says with a genuine smile to Meredith.

And Addison couldn't quite place exactly _why_ Meredith was suddenly winking at her after _that._

* * *

But she liked it.

She really liked it.

She liked it, a whole heck of a lot.

And then, it dawns on Addison, that Meredith had run off last night because she'd been on-call for HER patients, and that she hadn't even explained that, she'd been the one who had stayed.

And now she knows Grey didn't run off for no reason. She remembers Bailey having said something about someone owing a favor and being willing and enthusiastic about repaying it.

Addison Montgomery wonders what Bailey even knows about this whole thing, but decides it doesn't matter because she'll be telling Grey anyways. She will tell Meredith Grey everything, as soon as the two have an evening alone together. Perhaps at Vietnamese. That would be nice.

* * *

*****

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******* END OF CHAPTER 35**

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

Here's another shorter, fluffier chapter to have and to hold before part 2 of the crux of the main drama begins. I really do like this sexier, devilish flirty side of things. Sexual tension, situational irony… And we got to see a naked Addison this time!

(Well, Meredith did, I mean, that's sort of the point though, right…?) And we got more clear insights into what the character's reasonings are about the possibility of a real 'more than friendship' relationship could ever be. Plus, there were some not so bitter realizations hidden here...

Yes, of course, there is more coming soon. The nitty-gritty of action IS about to happen if you hadn't sensed that anyhow; I'll tell you that, at least. I hope you'll stick around, but like I said I won't hold it against you if you give up now and never come back to this. (Your loss… & Mine…)

But if you've been reading this closely enough, you'll have noticed by the way this has been written that a lot has already been given away for quite a few chapters now… I know that's cryptic but work with that what you will.

Have a good one friends, and I'd love to hear what you thought about this experimental chapter!

Also, let me know if you liked the formatting here, it was all 6 sentence blocks of 2 lines each. I've done this before with "Peace of my Heart" and it ended up happening again.

 _ **Allusions**_ to other really amazing things, and easter eggs if you noticed them first:

(Fanfictions; this time on Ao3, that I've directly referenced on purpose, encourage reading these because they are CLASSICS for Addison F/F fanfiction - don't wanna miss out :)

The Beauty of Rationalization, by AFey

Milk & Marble by anonymous_sibyl

Enjoy the next approximately 48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

* * *

_Much love, bobbiejelly_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all, here it is.  
> Nothing new posted other than this today, apologies.  
> This work is taking its toll on me and I've been back-editing the first few chapters.  
> As well, like I said I've had a lot of fun interacting in the comments today,  
> As well as reading some just published fanfictions :D  
> Take care and see you in the comments!  
> bobbiejelly


	36. With a Wonderful & Wild Wardrobe Malfunction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking extra showers a day can be a real pain...Or not...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ENJOY!  
> And thanks for your patience with me earlier.  
> What happened was I tried to post Chapter 3 of "Soothe".  
> And I posted it here, instead of on the correct story.  
> So that was up for a bit, and I never noticed until I got an email.  
> Here's the real deal!

Thank You,

bobbiejelly

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about wha_ _t might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Chapter 36: With a Wonderful and Wild Wardrobe Malfunction**

* * *

_Taking extra showers a day can be a real pain...Or not..._

* * *

"You're not Cristina?" Addison says to Meredith in question when she walks in with Izzie Stevens to work on the Pyloric Stenosis case with her.

It's not in a _menacing_ tone, more of a tone of confusion as Addison tries to update the chart in a panic and notify the nurses of her change in the staffing.

"I'm not Cristina," Meredith says to her bitterly, and Addison has no idea why this would set Meredith off until Izzie nudges her in the shoulder and raises her eyebrows pointedly at Addison again.

"Oh," Addison says before she can recover.

"Oh, it's not about that, I was just surprised, I promise," Addison says trying to backtrack.

Meredith looked like she wanted to burn Addison or something because calling her "not Cristina" just reminded Meredith pointedly that she had NOT gotten to be Addison Montgomery's very first girl-kiss EVER and that made her furious already, without being called "not Cristina."

"Cristina's with Burke. She wanted Cardio. We traded," Meredith says to her, trying to jog Addison's memory.

For a second there, Meredith is terrified that Addison had had a blackout after only three Gin and Tonics and that she'd have to explain their whole evening all over.

But luckily for all of them, this is not really the case. Addison does remember, it just takes her a second to place it. And then Addison nods, remembering the part about Meredith being excited about the babies.

And then she smiles at her and says thank-you for offering Cristina a cardio case because even Addison had been unable to talk Burke into it after a short discussion at the bar before the interns had even arrived.

And Meredith nods at her skeptically, before Izzie settles in again, too. Because she wasn't as upset as Meredith but she also doesn't like to be reminded of the Addison-Kissing-Cristina thing, because it makes her jealous of Addison for kissing Cristina, whereas Meredith is jealous of Cristina for kissing Addison.

* * *

There's also the fact that this room is sort of super awkward and dangerous and a land-mine now.

Because Addison knows that Izzie knows about her whole story and identity as the 'mystery person' but has promised not to give Meredith any more hints so Addison can break the news about it all for herself.

And Izzie knows that Addison is thinking this as she tries to be a good and fair teacher to both of them while secretly crushing on Meredith while Meredith is secretly crushing on her right back.

And THEN there's the whole question of Anna and Emmett, who both know that Doctor Montgomery and Doctor Grey are both having 'love problems like you wouldn't BELIEVE'.

And that Meredith had made a 'secret admirer' gift and that Addison had a 'secret admirer' and that they figured these things were related but they weren't going to say that to either of them.

And they didn't know that Izzie didn't know about the whole 'secret admirer' whole thing; only about the 'mystery person' thing so she was missing a secret admirer mystery, so to speak.

And Meredith knew that Addison had had a wet dream and called out for her in her sleep, and Addison knew that Meredith had been watching her get undressed only mere minutes ago.

* * *

And all of this plus two babies still-unnamed with the placeholders "X" for the girl and "Y" for the boy is really starting to make things extremely exciting for the day they should finally be able to operate on these two patients, at long last for everyone involved.

"These twins are SO CUTE!" Izzie coos as she gets them to grip onto her fingers.

Addison had always admired Izzie's way with babies, and she smiles down at her as X latches on securely to Izzie's pinky and it makes her giggle a lot.

And then Meredith gets a bit jealous of Addison's eye-praise so she tries to get Y to latch onto her but Y just seems super fussy, so Meredith doesn't have much success.

And Meredith thinks it's a failure on her part before Addison explains that X had gotten sick this morning and Y probably just had a sore tummy because he hadn't spit-up yet at all.

And Meredith starts saying "oh," as Y starts, predictably, spitting up all over Meredith.

* * *

And Meredith yelps a bit, because she hadn't been expecting it as Addison, reacts without thinking and lifts her right up and carries her out of the way as Izzie lays down an absorbent towel in front of them.

Meredith is too startled to thank Izzie so Addison does that for her.

And Anna and Emmett look at Meredith sympathetically and apologize for the grossness, saying it's just in the territory.

And Meredith is more sure than ever she made the right decision to help Anna and Emmett get some the night they all went to Joe's because it sure isn't fair that they hadn't had a second to themselves without being all covered in... Goo.

And Addison says Meredith should take a break and change, and asks Izzie to cover for them as Addison carries Meredith back to the on-call room because her shoes are all covered and Addison doesn't want her to get it all over the floor.

* * *

"You know, I thought that the first time you carried me into bed that it would be more...Romantic than this," Meredith snarks as Addison can't help but laugh at the irony of this situation.

"How about I carry you to the shower then, as you recover with a wonderful and wild wardrobe malfunction, so I'm not spoiling a future potential memory," Addison offers and Meredith smirks, knowing she's won because she's extracted a promise from Addison that there would be a 'first time for her to be carrying her to the bedroom'.

"Umm, do you want me to, umm-" Addison stammers at Meredith in the exact same place for the exact same reason that she had stammered in front of Meredith that first night when helping Meredith get ready for bed.

It was the moment when she didn't know if she was supposed to be helping Meredith get undressed or not, or whether to leave or not and so she's really not sure so she's stammering.

"Normally I would ask you to take off all my clothes, Montgomery, but I'm sort of all gross and you already showered twice today so I don't want you to have to shower three times because it's bad for your skin, which you obviously care so much about," Meredith snarks back at her.

"How did you know that I showered twice?" Addison asks, thinking that Meredith had been asleep for the first one. Or the second one. She doesn't remember.

"Lucky guess," Meredith smirks, and Addison for the life of her has no sweet clue why.

* * *

"Oh-okay I'll just ah" Addison reddens as Meredith grins even wider, as Meredith stops her before reaching the door.

She calls out for Addison and asks her, in a mock pleading tone "can I borrow your moisturizer? It looked sort of magical this morning," Meredith asks in a fake-innocent tone.

"Oh," Addison shrugs and realizes she'd been expecting or not expecting or wanting or… She'd half-thought Meredith was going to change her mind and say 'strip me' or something more elegant or less elegant than that.

"It's over there on the shelf by the bed, give me a minute," says Addison.

"Hey, where did the sheets go," Addison asks in confusion.

"They must have been changed or cleaned or something," Meredith calls out, back turned to Addison so she won't see Meredith biting her lip hard not to moan at the memory.

"Oh, okay, ah, good I guess. I think mine got sticky, anyway," Addison says to her casually and Meredith tries not to erupt into a roar.

"Well, yeah, good for you," Meredith just calls out and Addison can't quite place her tone.

And then Meredith thinks of something and says she has no shampoo and conditioner here. And Addison is chiding herself for not thinking to pack that for Meredith as she gets out her own from her purse and she offers them out to her.

Then she thinks to offer her perfume as well because she'd been paranoid earlier that the smell would be different.

"Be back in a minute!" Meredith calls out to Addison as she steps in the shower.

And Meredith winks at her before she gets in, knowing that Addison will be picturing her wet and naked and that that really turns Meredith on, to have all that power of imagination over her boss.

* * *

And as we know it to be, Addison IS picturing Meredith getting naked right now and it makes it hard for her to focus as she places Meredith's soiled scrubs into the laundry chute and notices her sheets from this morning and wonders to herself if it had been Meredith who had taken care of them, and if so, why.

But Addison just figures Meredith always does nice things for other people too, not just her. And that she liked to do nice things for her anyway.

So she doesn't expect to see what happens next, but what happens next is that MEREDITH comes out of the shower wrapped in only a towel.

And Addison's jaw almost drops at the sighs of the beautiful blonde laid right out in front of her, the tips of her calves exposed, her collar bone prominent, her shoulders all bare and her hair all cascaded out like a waterfall.

"Mm, like what you see, Doctor Montgomery," Meredith hums at her.

* * *

_('You really do, don't you' Addison's subconscious fights with her.)_

_('HOLY SHIT SHE IS NAKED UNDER THAT TOWEL' the other part of her subconscious announces to her.)_

_('You really wanna pull that towel off of her, now don't you,' argues her subconscious again.)_

_('Not that time, we are at WORK' part of Addison's brain tries to put up a fight, back')_

_('Didn't stop her and DEREK to get it on in this hospital, remember your blind and jealous rage over THAT one, Doctor Montgomery')_

_('Why the Doctor Montgomery's all of a sudden?' 'If you're ME then why don't you be more informal?')_

_('We were just mimicking Meredith calling you that in a sort of half-kinky way like she wanted to imply 'playing doctor' with her, not that you ARE both doctors, though that helps, too...')_

_('Right well I'm gonna go back to talking with Doctor Grey now and try not to get fired so you might wanna tone it down a notch, just a little…')_

_('Whatever you say, DOCTOR MONTGOMERY…')_

_('Shut UP!')_

* * *

"Oh," Addison responds dumbly because usually, she breaks out of an inner monologue by screaming the last thing she heard from her thoughts, but that would be "shut UP" and she doesn't think that will help.

_('Because then Meredith might say "MAKE ME" and that will make you want to tackle her to the convenient BED that is right next to you both and kiss the hell out of you until she flips you and strips you and screws you sideways until you're both screaming out each other's names')_

"Seriously?!" Meredith exclaims incredulously at Addison and Addison realizes she might actually be offended by that.

"Oh, Grey I am so, so, sorry I didn't mean to imply you're not attractive because you really are, or that I didn't or I don't or I think you look really great actually, and I mean I can't compliment the outfit you're wearing because you're only wearing a towel, but I mean… You look great" Addison finally manages to finish off an external monologue with a semi-coherent conclusion.

"Why thank you, Doctor Montgomery," Meredith says in a low and seductive tone and it's making Addison's insides heat up again and wow her raging libido is making an appearance at the most inappropriate of moments.

"Mm, now do you want to watch? Because I believe that I owe you one of these from this morning…" Meredith purrs.

And Addison has decided she's totally ready to forgive Derek for sleeping with this woman on the first day he met her because she is literally the definition of sexy now, as she allows her towel to drop right to the floor before even waiting for Addison to finish answering her damn question.

* * *

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******* END OF CHAPTER 36**

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

Hey, I really wanted to update this more but I wasn't going to post anything at all because I am really tired tonight, and I thought this teaser might be even better than nothing.

Today has been a blast writing four chapters right away on "Soothe" which I hope you might check out! It's a story about MerAdd during the GA/PP Crossover of February 2009.

Enjoy the next approximately 48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

* * *

_Yours, truly, bobbiejelly_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See ya late, and BTW here's the link to "Soothe"
> 
> A MerAdd fanfiction about Meredith comforting Addie during Archer's operation.
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004/chapters/57840982


	37. Student, Teacher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meredith makes good on her promises for Addison Montgomery, and Addison does the very same for Meredith Grey, back.

_Author's Note:_

_Shoutout to the people who commented on this work today, you know who you are, GO YOU!_

_Thanks for that, bobbiejelly._

* * *

_**PREVIOUSLY ON "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING":** _

* * *

"Why thank you, Doctor Montgomery," Meredith says in a low and seductive tone and it's making Addison's insides heat up again and wow her raging libido is making an appearance at the most inappropriate of moments.

"Mm, now do you want to watch? Because I believe that I owe you one of these from this morning…" Meredith purrs.

And Addison has decided she's totally ready to forgive Derek for sleeping with this woman on the first day he met her because she is literally the definition of sexy now, as she allows her towel to drop right to the floor before even waiting for Addison to finish answering her damn question.

* * *

_END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE._

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Chapter 37: Student, Teacher**

* * *

_Meredith makes good on her promises for Addison Montgomery, and Addison does the very same for Meredith Grey, back._

* * *

Meredith's towel drops to the floor as she smirks widely at Addison, now.

And the result is extremely effective because Addison's jaw physically drops to the floor and her eyebrows physically rise to the ceiling and in between her jaw and her eyebrows her eyes are popping out of their sockets and she's so freaking shocked that she _squeals._

" _Holy shit"_ Addison swears loudly, and Meredith giggles smugly at Addison's reactions.

"Well, wouldn't you like to know the rules of my dirty little secret strip-tease just for you?" Meredith growls to Addison sensually.

"What?" Addison furrows her brow in confusion, and Meredith sighs a bit frustratedly but not really in surprise, either, that apparently, Addison has literally no experience with anything in the bedroom outside of 'vanilla'.

* * *

"Okay, so the way that this works is you can look but not touch. That means you can't touch me, and I can't touch you. And you _can't touch yourself, either_ " Meredith adds with emphasis.

"What?" Addison says in confusion again, obviously about that last part, about the 'no touching herself'.

"Addison, I mean you can't finger yourself while you watch, if it was really that hard to understand," Meredith says in a hurry.

"Oh," Addison just shrugs as if it isn't a concern, because it still kind of isn't, because of course, Addison _just doesn't do that and doesn't even know how to_ , _even if she'd wanted to, anyway_.

"So is that a yes or a no? Because I could just put my clothes on and not let you watch me do this at all…" Meredith gives her a choice, so she feels a bit less of a slut for all this.

"Oh, God, yes, yes please Meredith I didn't mean to sound like I didn't want you to... I was just sort of confused about all the instructions, that's all," Addison says to her quickly.

"Okay, wow, we really need to start with square one with you, because apparently being with only one, well, I guess two boys for at least the past decade has left you without certain… Excitements in the bedroom department," Meredith deadpans, but teasingly.

"Hey, I've had sex before! It's not like we were celibate!" Addison says a bit defensively, to not seem like such a _newborn_ at all of this.

"Mm, don't you worry your pretty little head about a thing now, Doctor Montgomery. Out there you might be the star **teacher** but in here… You can just be _**my**_ _special_ _**student**_ …" Meredith says in a nice double-entendre.

_('You realize if Meredith says to you 'teach me' at work that you're going to flashback to this moment and probably jump her')_

_('Can you please give me a break?! I have a really naked hot girl in front of me I'm trying to concentrate on how super sexy she is!')_

_('Oh, do go on then, I think the reverse-strip-tease show is just about to start…')_

* * *

"Watch and learn, Montgomery," Meredith says to her smoothly.

And holy hell on high water, Meredith Grey is taking out Addison's cream with a twist of her hand.

Meredith is laying the bottle open and ready for her on the nightstand.

Then, she's crawling up on the bunk-beds small step-ladder to where she had been sleeping there earlier.

Luckily for the two of them, the window to the room had already been covered.

This was a show for one guest, and that guest just happened to be Addison.

Meredith starts by dipping her hand into the cream and rubbing it all over her fingers.

Then, she starts with her feet as she runs her hands over them and lets out a moan.

"Umm, I don't have a foot fetish if that's what you're wondering," Addison shrugs at her.

"Good to know, I don't really either, I just have sore feet," Meredith giggles to loosen the tension.

Meredith runs her palms over her calves, and she makes sure to make pleasing noises for Addison, who seems to really get off on her moaning.

"Mmm," Meredith is only exaggerating a little bit, because Addison's cream really IS magical and she wants to ask her where she got it from, except it's probably _imported_ or something ridiculously high-class like that, and Meredith wants to keep torturing her now, without talking retail.

* * *

Meredith continues to tease up her legs. She's moving her hands higher up on her thighs now and Addison finally understands why Meredith might have asked her directly 'not to touch herself back' because Addison feels the sudden urge to repeat all these motions atop her own body.

"Ah, ah, ah, I see you. No touching yourself, not even there," Meredith admonishes Addison, who has started rubbing her hands over her thighs.

"Here, just hold this," Meredith offers her pager for Addison to hold in her hand and spin around like a fidget toy.

"It serves a dual purpose. If you move your hands off it I'll stop. And if it beeps you'll just let me know," Meredith says to her casually, as if this were not instructions on how to stop fucking herself while watching her intern stark naked at work.

"Ah, thanks," Addison stutters and it makes Meredith smirk more.

So Meredith keeps up her journey along her bare thighs. And then she runs her hands along her _inner thighs_ and that's extremely intense.

And it makes Addison grip like iron atop Meredith's pager because her body is going into overdrive sending her mixed-signals telling her to try to fuck herself or to try to fuck Meredith or to do who knows what that would be breaking Meredith Grey's explicit instructions to not touch herself and to not touch Meredith back, either.

* * *

Meredith moves her hands to her waist as she spreads the white body cream all along her pale skin.

Addison bites her lip now because at least that doesn't break any of Meredith's rules. And this makes Meredith smirk even wider and bite her own lip back just to make Addie moan.

Meredith moves on to her stomach. And sure, she might not have _runner's abs_ just like Addison, but she does jog occasionally when Cristina makes her, and she's always running up and around this damn hospital, so she does have some definition there and Addison notices.

Addison tries not to holler or whistle as Meredith does sort of a sit-up to show all of her abs now.

And then Meredith moves on to her shoulders now and that gets Addison thinking about all the ways Meredith could push and pull her around in the bedroom.

Addison liked a bit of a strong hand on her in bed, and she guesses that's why she had once liked that Mark was so strong.

* * *

But apparently Meredith was at least as willing to use all her strength in their sex because now Meredith is dropping to the bunk bed and doing push-ups until a think line of sweat forms.

And Addison can see all of Meredith's arm muscles ripple from her forearms to her triceps to her biceps and all together.

And Addison watches as Meredith moisturizes these muscles as they tense and they flex and they pop out from the push-ups.

And then Meredith checks in with Addison, to see how she's doing.

"How are you Addie, are you enjoying the show so far?" Meredith says with a lilt.

"Yes…" Addison forgets herself, answering breathlessly and submitting to Meredith's antics completely.

"Mm, then I shall take this as a sign to continue…" Meredith says with a grin.

"Oh, please do go on," Addison practically begs her.

* * *

Meredith loves being begged in the bedroom so she does go on, she goes on to rubbing her neck with her hands and Addison remembers touching Meredith there and she's sort of annoyed she can't even do this for her, then.

"Oh, you'll get your turn soon enough, just not now," Meredith promises her reading her mind.

Meredith rubs the cream to her face and her ears, being sure to pinch her earlobes to show Addison just how much she likes that.

And Addison closes her eyes for a second and smiles because she feels smug she was right that Meredith liked her ears to be handled during sex as she did.

And Meredith finally starts to make this a whole other level.

She starts to run her hands around her bare breasts, cupping them with her hands and allowing herself to pinch them.

Meredith pinches just around the edges at first, but eventually, she pinches herself right on the nipple.

And it makes Addison wet all over again, making her all hot and bothered and wanting more… Something to happen.

And Meredith smirks even wider as she can see Addison squirm in her seat. She's sat down now.

* * *

That happened somewhere that Addison couldn't stand up any longer so she's sat on the bed she once slept in while looking up at Meredith on the top bunk and the whole thing is just really convenient.

Because Meredith is _literally on a pedestal on display all for Addison._

And now Addison is watching as Meredith is swirling her hands around her full breasts before letting them bounce a little and hang perky and tight to her chest.

Addison, being 'formerly straight' has had no sexual experience prior to this time with _breasts other than her own breasts_.

And she seriously had no idea of all she was missing because Meredith's breasts seem so tantalizing to her now she's not sure how she didn't spend her entire fall staring at them.

(Well, she sort of did, but only consciously for like the past little while.)

And now Meredith ran her hands all over her body, even showing off her flexibility to reach the spots on her back one normally can't even reach on one's own.

And she sits right on the edge of the bunk bed next for Addison, and she lets her legs part so Addison can look in between them.

And Meredith shows off all her girl parts for display.

* * *

And Addison stares open-mouthed at them because sure, she's seen literally thousands of vaginas in her life, given her specific career in them.

But this is the first time she's seeing one not in a clinical way, and it's totally a different thing.

When Addison is performing an examination, she's checking for cervical cancer or something like that.

But now, Addison is examining just how _wet_ Meredith already is. And she's staring at the smaller girl's pooling arousal. And she's feeling her own pooling arousal.

And holy fuck does she want her and want her to want her.

And god she really does need to get laid because she's desperate here.

She's actually so freaking desperate she wants to screw Meredith Grey and even more so have her screw her senseless.

And she can feel the predatory glare that Meredith is giving her now.

* * *

And it should probably be scary, seeing as they haven't even had a first date yet.

But Addison doesn't feel afraid at all, she feels sort of, loved.

She's never had someone get all possessive over her, but in a tender way and not a threatening way. There's a difference, Addison notes to herself.

Derek only got jealous when he thought she would leave him or tell him off or something like that.

Meredith looks possessive because she _wants_ _ **her and only her**_ _, and wants her and only her to want her back._

It is a love-versus-fear debate, and Addison can see plain as day now more than ever how much she wanted Meredith to make her, _hers._

Meredith is feeling needy too, but what she needs more than anything is to make Addison feel good.

She wants to take care of her and love her and kiss her and run her a bath and read her stories at night.

Meredith is having all these warm and fuzzy feelings as she's putting back on her scrub pants and fastening her bra on and pulling her shirt over her head.

* * *

One might have expected them both to feel sad that the reverse-sort of strip-tease is now pretty much over.

But they don't, and they both don't feel sad at all for any reason at all.

They actually enjoy simply just being in the company of one another.

And now that Meredith is fully dressed in fresh clothes, she goes to sit next to Addison, hopping off the top bunk and laying her head onto Addison's shoulder.

"You did really good, ya know. You didn't take your hands away from my pager at all," Meredith says to her, looking up into Addison's eyes.

"Wow, I didn't even know that I could do that," Addison says in surprise to herself.

"You are really strong, you know, you can do anything if you try hard enough," Meredith says with a smile.

And it's just the words Addison needed to say what she needed to say to Grey then.

She says the words she's been wanting to say for all hours now.

"Meredith, can I ask you something personal?" Addison says.

"Sure Addie, what's up?" Meredith looks up at Addison's smile at the use of her nickname.

* * *

"Will you go out to Vietnamese with me tonight?" Addison says without stuttering and surprises even herself.

"Of course, I know the best one!" Meredith says with a grin.

"How about Eight O'Clock?" Addison says with a smile.

"Sounds good to me, as long as I drive your car again!" Meredith asks cheerfully.

"Sure you can, why not?" Addison says, not knowing that Meredith is doing this just to keep Addison's office keys for a little while longer.

"It's a date!" Meredith says gleefully.

"Well, no, it's an almost-maybe date," Addison says to her seriously.

"Ok, now _I_ am _confused_ ," Meredith says a bit sadly.

"Look, we still need to talk about some serious stuff, and so after I say to you what I wanna say to you, then we can decide together if it's a date or just dinner," Addison explains to her seriously.

"You can still drive my car there, though, if that's what you want of course!" Addison says to her kindly.

"Okayyyyy," Meredith says to her shyly.

* * *

It's like she's a whole different person, now, no longer the sexy take-charge persona she just was while naked in front of Addison.

Meredith is now just a shy little girl who wants to go on a dinner date with Addison.

And soon she'll be the keen student on Addison's surgical team.

Addison wants to know every single version of Meredith.

She wants to memorize the facts and figures and keep Meredith safe.

She wants everything and anything to do with this Grey girl.

And now that she's started 'something-something' with her, she can't seem to let go for the life of her.

* * *

"Can we stay, just a little longer here? Just with the two of us, before we go back to work?" Meredith asks Addison sweetly.

And Addison runs her hands over Meredith's head, and pats it softly and gently, as she reassures her, "just a little bit longer…"

And both of them are wishing and hoping that the moments like these, just the two of them, would be more and more frequent, very soon in the future.

* * *

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******* END OF CHAPTER 37**

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

Well, this one is short, also. But it's short and sweet and they're going out to dinner so it can't be THAT bad, right?

Let me know what you think, I live for the comments and I wanna find out everything about your thoughts on this work.

Enjoy the next approximately 48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

Also, as an aside, I'm SUPER into writing a new story, **Soothe** right now about MerAdd during the GA Season 5 crossover event "Before and After / An Honest Mistake" and "Acceptance / Ex-Life" in PP. Hoping you might check that out, the short description is " _Meredith teachers Addison how to Self-Soothe_ ,". Let me know what you think of it, as I work on both of these simultaneously.

Have a good one, and here is that other story:

####  [Soothe](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

Or copy-paste the link here:

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004/chapters/57840982>

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

* * *

_Yours, truly, bobbiejelly_


	38. As We Know It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So we knew there were secrets, but apparently they come from the most unexpected of places and prompt some unexpected outbursts of speeches...It's sweet, actually.

_Author's Note:_

_Finally, a little longer one than the very very short sexy-and-fluff ones the past couple days._

_Thanks for your patience with those, sometimes we all need a break!_

_Enjoy this next one, it's been a long time in the making._

_There are also a few lines here taken directly from "Something Beautiful" by LezBeDaizy, which I consider to be probably my absolute favorite MerAdd story of ALL TIME, along with their other words "The Journey To Here", "MerAdd One-Shots", "The Curve Of Everything"..._

_Anway, just because it's likely you read those first, when you see a line taken a bit from there, I guess I'm trying to absolve my guilt and trying not to plagiarize._

_I'm just saying that some of the wording was just so perfect I could not get it out of my head._

_So shout out to YOU LezBeDaisy, and let the good times rock and roll for Chapter 38 of FABB!_

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_**PREVIOUSLY ON "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING":** _

* * *

There's also the fact that this room is sort of super awkward and dangerous and a land-mine now.

Because Addison knows that Izzie knows about her whole story and identity as the 'mystery person' but has promised not to give Meredith any more hints so Addison can break the news about it all for herself.

And Izzie knows that Addison is thinking this as she tries to be a good and fair teacher to both of them while secretly crushing on Meredith while Meredith is secretly crushing on her right back.

And THEN there's the whole question of Anna and Emmett, who both know that Doctor Montgomery and Doctor Grey are both having 'love problems like you wouldn't BELIEVE'.

And that Meredith had made a 'secret admirer' gift and that Addison had a 'secret admirer' and that they figured these things were related but they weren't going to say that to either of them.

And they didn't know that Izzie didn't know about the whole 'secret admirer' whole thing; only about the 'mystery person' thing so she was missing a secret admirer mystery, so to speak.

And Meredith knew that Addison had had a wet dream and called out for her in her sleep, and Addison knew that Meredith had been watching her get undressed only mere minutes ago.

And all of this plus two babies still-unnamed with the placeholders "X" for the girl and "Y" for the boy are really starting to make things extremely exciting for the day they should finally be able to operate on these two patients, at long last for everyone involved...

* * *

_E_ _ND OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE._

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Chapter 38: As We Know It**

* * *

_So we knew there were secrets, but apparently they come from the most unexpected of places and prompt some unexpected outbursts of speeches...It's sweet, actually._

* * *

They're in Emmett and Anna's room, now.

Addison, Meredith, Izzie, and of course, Anna and Emmett and babies "X" and also "Y".

They're about to take the pyloric stenosis babies up for their surgeries.

And Emmett and Anna are trying to talk about anything and everything that _isn't_ the topic of love, because they don't want to break Addison and Meredith's bubble, or spill all their secrets on them, accidentally.

And Izzie is having a similar struggle, as she knows that the 'world as we know it' was about to totally change.

And she really wishes Cristina was here right not to help her right through this.

But Cristina's been carrying all these secrets for so long, that Izzie knows she can do her part so Cristina can nerd out on her 'cardio crap' that she loves.

And Izzie smiles at the babies as they bring them into the O.R.

* * *

It's an easy procedure, luckily, and there's two of them so they each get a turn.

Addison demonstrates the start of the procedure, and she lets Izzie finish the first one and Meredith to finish the second one.

They're done before they even know it had started, and all of them are completely relieved when it's over.

When Anna and Emmett get their babies back, all less-gross-and-spit-up-y, they thank all the surgeons profusely and say that they think they finally came up with names for them, after all.

And by the time they all ask what they are, Cristina has finished her 'cardio crap' with Burke so she comes in and joins them.

And when Cristina introduces herself, Anna and Emmett recognize her name from the original list they were given, and they thank her anyway for being a part of the consults a long time ago.

And then they finally reveal they named their babies after the surgeons!

They're naming one of them, the boy, currently their baby "Y", "Cris Steven" after Cristina Yang and Izzie Stevens.

And they're naming the baby girl, currently their baby "X", "Maddison" after Meredith and Addison.

And as soon as they say all of this, Izzie starts to cry tears of joy, and Cristina wraps her in her arms.

And they sit down together and say it's a miracle.

And Meredith and Addison look at each other and blush profusely.

And both of them try really, REALLY, hard not to say aloud "WE'RE HAVING A BABY TOGETHER, CONGRATULATIONS," because that's what it feels like for both of them, inside their heads.

Both pairings take this as a sort of a 'sign' that everything will be okay at the end of the day.

And Izzie and Cristina organize another dinner date, and Meredith and Addison smirk at their still-secret plans together, for later that evening.

Anna and Emmett offer all of them some wisdom they learned through all this:

* * *

"It was messy, it was hard, and it was tiring to all hell. But we got through it together, and I don't think we would have walked out of this as strong as we are, if we didn't have to struggle so much to make it all happen. Sometimes there's gross and ugly before there's a really good break in the storm. And all that 'fun' and 'fluff' is worth it if you can break through the messy for the new dawn".

And they write all of this on four greeting cards, which they offer to each of them as a thank-you.

And they produce one more card for the doctors to pass around, for them to sign, for THEM to hold onto.

And Cristina and Izzie each shoot Addison a sympathetic look.

But Addison has prepared for this scenario, and she signs the card with her left hand, and she says that her right hand was just too sore.

And this works for all parties, especially Addison.

Because Meredith looks at her with compassion, and pulse Addison's right palm into her hand.

And then she offers her a delightful hand massage, which Addison has to bite on her tongue hard during, not to moan out in such pleasure.

* * *

But as it turns out, the most interesting events that were going to happen that day at the hospital, were about to begin, now, in John's room.

Everyone is there for this momentous occasion.

Meredith, Addison, Cristina, Izzie, Alex, George, and even Derek.

Because John is finally being released, for REAL, this time, and he's finally ready to give up HIS secrets, as all the others have all done for HIM.

And Addison finally figures out he's been lying. Because he's told at least two different versions of his love story to her, on two different days, and she hasn't thought of that until now.

"Did your partner leave you or didn't you? Because you told me a story about how he left you because you don't tell him. But the first time you said you were on your way to a nonlegal wedding when he died in a car crash you were in with him? So which one of those things is even true? Because they can't both be? Unless those are two different people?" Addison asks him.

"They're not two different people. I will tell you that for sure. And it wasn't an affair either. We have both always been faithful to each other, but that's not a judgment on you or even her either. So far, I've only had one great love in my life. I never married him. He got hit by a car. And the rest is a story for us now, for me and him only. I've shared grains of the truth with you all, and to you especially." John says to her.

"Whichever story is the one that helps you sleep at night, wherever story you think is a better story, whichever story you choose to believe, well that's up to you now Doctor Boss. Is the glass half empty or is it half full? Did we die together or did we die apart? Either way, he is dead now and I'm still alive…" John continues.

"And I intend to live out my life to the fullest. I'll never forget him. I'm not trying to replace him. But whatever happens, if I do find another great love of my life, then I will still love them. As much as I can. Because love is not finite, it doesn't diminish with age. We grow taller and wiser. And still, love keeps us forever young." John just says.

"You control the rest of your story, Doctor Boss, Addison. You can choose who you want to be for others. And you can choose which others you want to be with. Pick them, choose them, love them. And then let the rest unfold then as it will"

And Addison and Meredith and also Derek go completely pale when John says to them 'pick me choose me love me' or his opposite version of this, and they all look at each other shaking their heads as if to say "I didn't tell him that part"...

And John laughs and says that he saw "pick me, choose me, love me," as a speech on a television show once, and Meredith facepalms, instantly remembering that she saw that episode, too.

And Derek just smirks at Meredith, and Addison slaps Derek playfully, and Meredith is embarrassed.

And Addison is a little embarrassed FOR Meredith, having heard that speech both secondhand from Derek, about him, and also now, secondhand, from John, and apparently it was on a TV SHOW!

But it doesn't stop Addison from thinking one little bit, that she still REALLY wants Meredith to say it to HER, and to mean it…

And Meredith is the one who finally says "wow, you're such a skilled liar, I can't believe we believed you were telling us the whole truth the first time…"

* * *

And eventually, Derek says to them all:

"Well, I know that I can keep a secret, too, even better than John I bet. I even kept a secret wife once not too long ago. Addison, on the other hand, is the one who can't keep her mouth shut" Derek says to them bitterly.

"That is NOT SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF DOCTOR SHEPHERD" Meredith admonishes Derek, standing up in exclamation.

Christina tries to hold her back by her hand, but Meredith loosens her grip and pulls herself away from her best friend as she makes her way over to Derek in anguish.

This moment was eventually going to come for Meredith, she's been wanting to stand up to him, for Addison, for a while but she's never really had a reason to, until today, of course.

Because today Addison finally asked her out and she said yes.

And today Derek finally said the very last thing that was totally pissing her off.

So Meredith starts tearing into Derek a new one, and there's nothing anyone can say that will stop her.

"YOU WERE AN ASS TO ADDISON YOU KNOW. SHE ONLY SLEPT WITH MARK BECAUSE YOU WERE ALWAYS AWAY AND YOU WERE NEVER HOME. YOU HAD THIS HOT, GORGEOUS, LEGGY AND BEAUTIFUL WIFE BY YOUR SIDE WHO IS ANNOYINGLY KIND, AND PAINFULLY SMART, AND WHO SAVED MY BEST FRIEND FROM DYING WITHOUT EVEN RATTING HER OUT TO HER BOYFRIEND."

"SHE STAYED BY MY FRIEND'S SIDE THROUGH AND THROUGH AS SHE HEALED AND SHE HAS TAUGHT ALL OF OF US MORE THROUGH THIS SINGULAR CASE THAN YOU HAVE SINCE WE STARTED."

"YOU SAY THAT YOU'RE PROUD OF KEEPING ADDISON A DIRTY LITTLE SECRET FROM ME, BUT I DON'T WANT HER TO BE THE OLD SKELETONS IN HER CLOSET AND I DON'T WANT TO BE ANOTHER ONE TO LINE YOURS."

"SO YOU KNOW WHAT DEREK, YOUR NOW EX-WIFE HERE WHO FLEW ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE FREAKING COUNTRY TO GIVE YOU ANOTHER CHANCE WHILE YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO DO THE SAME - "

"SHE DESERVES MUCH, MUCH BETTER THAN YOU."

* * *

"YOU WOULD THINK THAT I'D HATE HER, AND I THOUGHT I WOULD ONCE, BUT I DON'T."

"I TRIED TO HATE HER DEREK, I TRIED AND I REALLY TRULY DID AT ONE POINT ON HER FIRST DAY."

"BUT SHE STOOD UP FOR ME IN FRONT OF A PATIENT THE FIRST TIME I WORKED WITH HER TO TELL THEM THAT I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS WRONGED BECAUSE I NEVER KNEW YOU HAD A WIFE."

"SHE TOLD ME I WAS BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU AND SAID TO ME I WAS A 'GOOD GIRL' WHEN I DIDN'T TAKE YOU BACK."

"AND SHE TOOK ME UNDER HER WING AND PROTECTED ME WHEN I FLIRTED WITH THE PSYCHIATRIST WHO DID NOT EVEN KNOW THE NAME OF BEFORE HE LEFT ME A NOTE ADDISON ENCOURAGED ME TO GIVE BACK TO HIM. BEFORE HE BECAME ONE OF MY DRUNKEN TEQUILA REBOUNDS."

"ADDISON BROUGHT ME ONTO THIS CASE AND BROUGHT US SNACKS AND SHARED HER SECRETS WITH US."

"BECAUSE SHE TRUSTED US, SHE TRUSTED ME. SHE FORGAVE ME."

"AND I TRUST HER WITH MY FRIENDS. I TRUST HER. I FORGIVE HER."

* * *

"BUT I DO NOT TRUST YOU YET WITH MY FRIENDS OR WITH HER FOR THAT MATTER. I DO NOT TRUST YOU WITH ME. AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE. SO DON'T YOU EVER COME CRAWLING BACK TO ME, DEREK."

"YOU'RE NOT MY MCDREAMY ANYMORE AND YOU WILL NEVER BE MY McSUN."

"THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU AND YOUR SWEET LITTLE LIES."

"SO GO DROWN IN A RIVER FOR ALL I CARE, BECAUSE IF YOU NEVER TAKE A DEEP BREATH OF FRESH AIR AGAIN FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE THEN I'M FINE WITH THAT."

"AS LONG AS YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME, AND STAY AWAY FROM MY FRIENDS, AND STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ADDISON MONTGOMERY UNLESS YOU REALLY ARE GOING TO BE HER FRIEND AGAIN BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO RIGHT - NO FREAKING RIGHT - TO PUT HER THROUGH HELL AND BACK AGAIN."

"SHE'S NOT THE ONE WHO IS SATAN, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS HELL ON EARTH."

"AND YOU ALWAYS WERE, AND YOU ALWAYS WILL BE, TO ME AT THE LEAST"

* * *

_(And as George and Alex stand there stunned, proud and a little bit humbled.)_

_(And as Izzie stands not holding her cards from her friends as well as Cristina so they share a sneaking suspicion something more is about to go on. That might have to do with the secret smirk that Meredith and Addison seemed to be sharing earlier in Anna and Emmett's room but they still aren't very sure.)_

_(And Cristina just looks at Izzie with a bit of concern and tries to signal to her to be more subtle, as she watches it all play out between Meredith and Addison and also right not with Meredith yelling at Derek.)_

"BECAUSE PEOPLE NEVER CHANGE WHEN THEY'RE NOT READY TO BE BETTER."

"I DON'T DESERVE TO BE HALF-LOVED BY YOU AND NEITHER DOES SHE-"

* * *

_(Meredith points to Addison then, who has tears joyful in her eyes from all the bitterness that Meredith is standing up to Derek for, for others and for herself and for Addison who was never strong enough to herself, to say.)_

_(And for all and all of these bittersweet nothings that Meredith is yelling at Derek, but very well could have been whispering right into her ear. Because the intimate exchange of understanding and solidarity and shared loss of loss is written right over the both of their faces as she continues to speak)._

_(And Addison can't help but feel an influx of warmth to her soul, as Meredith pours her heart out to Derek, to everyone, to her. FOR her. She can't help but wonder what it would finally feel like to kiss all the tears running off of Meredith's face right now as she rages and rages on. And she can't help but feel terrified.)_

_(She's terrified all at the same time. Because she is so, so, very afraid that all the beautiful sweet nothings that Meredith is saying are not really about her, are not really FOR her, at all. And that small broken piece of her is still holding onto and waiting, waiting for the moment to come where he smiles at her a McDreamy smile again and she falls for it. Falls for him all over again and lets him screw her over and screw her into submission.)_

_(Make her forget who she is without him and make her love him for more than she is. Addison is terrified that Meredith doesn't know what she is saying. That she'll regret it after it happens. That this is a fever dream. That she'll forget what she said to him. That she'll forget what happened with this. That she'll forget their time together, like she forgot their time together before.)_

* * *

"IF PEOPLE ACCEPT THE LOVE THEY THINK THEY DESERVE, THEN WE DESERVE MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER HAVE TO OFFER!"

Meredith finally concludes and she looks up at Addison, briefly, who remembers as she once said those same words to Meredith, once.

And Addison is so damn relieved Meredith came to realize them for herself, all on her own...

* * *

Meredith is panting now, still angry but also exhausted. She's staring him right in the face before she smacks him, just once, on the side of his cheek before she leans right on into him.

And the patient is scared that she'll take it all back and she'll say that she's sorry.

And George and Alex are scared that Derek will hit her back or yell at her again.

And Izzie is scared that Addison is going to pass out as she's hyperventilating a little bit over there, staring wide-eyed at Meredith looking more than terrified herself.

And Cristina is scared that Meredith is going to kill him as she pulls her best friend back beside her before she can land him the punch that she's been winding up with her good arm.

And Addison weeps thinking that Meredith is going to kiss him and forgive him all over again.

Even if that doesn't make a whole lot of sense seeing as she's supposed to be dating HER that evening, but Addison is just being paranoid, now.

* * *

And idly, she wonders if Meredith remembered that expression subconsciously from her-

Or if she knew it already, or if she'd heard it from Cristina as she had a few days ago.

Or from when she finally said it a second time in the bar bathroom at Joe's.

And Meredith is crying thinking that Derek didn't even understand.

And when she says the last line to him, that's when Derek's heart breaks off for real:

"And by the way, you were right when you all but practically said it. Addison's body is like a total bombshell without her shirt and her bra on.

"I can see now why you fell into bed with her after she came back to Seattle-"

"But before that, you got a divorce. "

"Even after she cheated on you - with Mark your best friend nonetheless"

_(Meredith is too much in a rampage to see how Derek stiffens at Mark's name, Addison sees it.)_

"Because the skin that I saw from Addison by accident when she was changing out of her scrub-

Top when she got thrown up on by a patient,

"If she had really tried and asked me back then, if she had really been that bad to you, to me-"

"I would totally have totally _wanted_ to bang her back then as well. No matter the marriage."

* * *

"In fact, after I saw her like that all half-naked and full-naked and perfect earlier on today-"

"I locked myself in the on call room and I touch myself thinking of _her_ and not _you_ "

And Addison's eyes widen completely at OVERT Meredith's admission of peeping, even to her ex-husband and all of their friends.

And her cheeks get all hot and her thighs get all sticky from thinking of Meredith, again...

Watching her when she's half-naked from behind on the bed.

And _touching herself_ thinking of Addison

As she watches Meredith's smirk at her and she can't look her in the eye

Meredith and Addison are both just blushing too hard and she's trying to hide it.

But they didn't have to worry about Derek Shepherd seeing them both blushing together now.

As Derek has his face in his hands and his tears running down to his chest.

But Meredith still isn't finished, she has one final weapon to bring out.

"And by the way Derek, just so you know it all now..."

"Addison does sound sinful as you said she did when she's moaning your name in her sleep"

She smirks right up at Addison, who's jaw _drops to the floor._

And if she was sticky before, then she sure is _soaking wet now_.

_As the realization washes right over her, why she woke up sticky and calm after her sleep..._

“Oh, and Derek, the only part of that that I take back is that I really don’t want you to die and drown in a river or just die in general. That was uncalled for and and I shouldn’t have said it. I was just angry. But it was wrong and I’m only apologizing for that bit.”

* * *

And with that, Derek Cristopher Shepherd never said a negative word to them-Interns or no.

Not to any of the others in the room with him then, ever again in or out of the Hospital

He sat there quietly, contemplating Meredith's words over and over.

And he stares off into the distance as he realizes she's right.

He didn't deserve Addison.

He didn't do right by her nor his best childhood friend, Mark.

He ripped their circle of friends apart, never spoke to them-

Sam or Naomi or any of the others after all of that, which he is regretting now.

And he thinks he's been put in his place. That he needed to hear that.

That he needed to know that.

That he needed to have all of his faults thrown right at him in his face.

And that he needed to see that Addison and Meredith had both started to heal.

And that they had each other to thank for it without him.

Wordlessly, Derek nods. And he agrees.

And he says that he's sorry.

To the patients.

To George,and Alex.

To Izzie.

To Cristina, as Meredith's very best friend.

To Addison.

And to Meredith.

Then he says it's over.

It's so, so over. And that,

He promises he'll never, never,

Ever try to win either of them back again.

And then it's the patient who finally speaks up again.

To say that if today's the last day Derek Shepherd ever lives,

Then at least he'll have understood all the hurt that he's caused others.

And that he's grateful to have had his revelation to be a major part of his lifetime.

And slowly but surely, everyone finally agrees with him. And they decide that he's finally arrived.

But before he goes, though, Meredith grabs onto his wrist to tell him one other thing.

But this time she says it so softly, so he can only just barely hear the words.

"You know we accept the love we think we deserve Derek…."

"And you deserve better than what WE can offer you."

"Addison and I… We can't love you as we should."

_"So go live your life, Derek. Find the love of your life"_

"And I can be happy for you. And _them_ -"

"Whoever that may be. I can be happy"

_(All of them notice the subtle nongendered words here, but nobody interjects, they just allow it to be…)_

"I don't hate you, Derek. I yelled at you a lot and I always wanted to tear you a new one over Addison...

"But I want to be clear that I don't hate you, and that I never did," says Meredith, softly.

"Do you hate me Addison?" asks Derek.

"No I don't hate you Derek," says Addison to him.

"And I never did. And I never will. I'm angry, I'm hurt by you…." Addison continues.

"But I never hated you. Not even once. Not as much as you hated yourself, and you still kind of do" Addison sighs.

Then Addison says to him softly "I hated me too, you know. And I still do, but I'm trying to get through it."

And that admission from Addison was the closest thing she was ever going to say to him, In public about why they _really_ broke up.

And with that Derek nods. Both to Addison then to Meredith, and to the others. Then he leaves.

* * *

_(And selfishly, through all of that, all of the Derek-talk, all Addison is thinking right back to the last words Meredith said. And suddenly she's terrified all over again that Meredith had gotten her memories back and that she was quoting the words that Addison had said to her from the bar the other night. And she's equally terrified that Meredith may never remember those words that she's spoken to her. That she's learned all these lessons all on her own in another way.)_

_(And that means she doesn't need Addison anymore, that she'll stay away from everyone and anyone who loves her more ever again. And that that means Meredith will never be able to remember how much she loved her then. So she could understand how much she loved her now, she loves her now. And that always will.)_

_(And now that Addison knows that she loves Meredith, she's not sure she could live without Meredith knowing everything about how they really met, or understand any of the why, and appreciate all of the future they could have together if they don't forget all the past. And now that Addison truly how much she loves her, she's not sure she'd survive Meredith letting her go. )_

* * *

Addison decides FOR CERTAIN NOW, that she's going to tell Meredith. She's going to come clean.

She's going to ask her to come to the bar so she can confess,

Even if Meredith had run the other night when she tried.

She's going to tell Meredith.

She likes her.

Truly.

" _Like"_

" _Love."_

_Addison loves Meredith._

_She knows that she does._

_She loves her as a friend and more than that._

_She's not 'in love with her' - yet._

_But if Meredith lets her, she could be._

_A part of Addison wants to fall totally and stupidly in love with Meredith Grey._

_BUT she has all these damn fears and insecurities..._

_BUT STILL! DESPITE THAT! DESPITE THEM ALL!_

* * *

Addison resolves she's going to tell Meredith every damn thing she did for her, how they talked at Joe's, how she helped her when she was sick, how she helped her get home and tucked her in, how she wrote a note,

How she saw Cristina had the note, how she stole her own charts away, how she put Meredith on Richard's case, how and why she told yang to hide it, how she gave yang things to make her quiet, how she meant everything she did with the 'pregnant man' case.

How Izzie found out. How the other interns were suspicious during Meredith's say anything speech. How she went to Joe's and had a revelation, how she wanted to tell Meredith everything.

She's going to offer her once more chance though,

With Derek, in case that's who she wants.

Even though the thought would make her feel ill, after all that.

Or with anyone else that isn't her, or no one at all.

If she loves her she'll let her go.

If Meredith wants her to let go...

She's not going to hold on too tight and force Meredith to love her.

She's going to offer, and if Meredith takes her?

Well then, that's up to her.

* * *

Because Addison is not Derek.

Even though she wants her more than anything,

And Meredith seems to all but say that she wants her back,

Addison still won't smother her.

She could love her.

She's admitting it to herself finally now.

She could love a woman and be proud

Love the Meredith Grey, right here in Seattle, out loud.

She decided she could, now that she has a divorce.

And that she would as soon as the signed papers are in the mail…

That she's going to come out to Derek.

And she's going to come out to Meredith.

And she's asked Meredith Grey out ALL OVER AGAIN...

To dinner.

At that Vietnamese place that Cristina kept telling her about.

Because for all that it's worth, Cardio Goddess was probably the best freaking wingwoman that Skippy freaking' Gold could have asked for.

* * *

Addison says Sorry about Derek.

But Meredith asks Addison, out AGAIN, FIRST, as if READING HER MIND, and she asks pleadingly if tonight could just be a REAL DATE ALREADY before she has a chance to say anything else.

Meredith just asks Addie, just to be sure.

And though Addie thought she had made up in her mind to ask her out for "real as a date" and to say yes if she asked...

In the moment, as it happens...

She can't go through with it as a 'real DATE-date' without the confession, first, about all the 'mystery person' drama. And even then, she wasn't sure about it all.

Addison thinks about Derek and about Burke and Cristina how that failed.

She does come out as bisexual to Meredith and says that Meredith hadn't been making anything up.

And that all she wants is to kiss Meredith and to pick her to choose her to love her

And that she finds her great as a doctor, as a friend and that she's quite sexy as hell

BUT...

* * *

Addison sticks to her resolve and tells her, it's not a date until AFTER.

And that they can still go and talk and have dinner and then they can decide together after she tells her the secrets.

_(Not knowing, of course, that Meredith still has a few secrets, of her own, to tell Addie, so she might understand even better than Addison thinks...)_

And then Addison begins her OWN monologue, pouring out all of her feelings to Grey.

"I can't have let myself have you _yet."_

"Not now, not like this."

"Not while I got a divorce and you just got over Derek."

"I won't be your McRebound."

"I won't be another one of your tequila lays."

"I won't be just someone who's screwing an intern because they're getting over being screwed, and their intern has a little crush on their boss."

"I won't take advantage of you. "

"I won't kiss you or touch you until we're both fully ready."

"And it's not because I don't want you, Meredith Grey."

"Because I want you so fucking much right now."

"I was actually on my way to make sure you still want to go out…

_(So Addison can confess, but she doesn't say that)_

_(But she doesn't confess yet in the middle of the damn HALLWAY even though had planned to, later on, that very evening...)_

* * *

"But I'm still not a person that I think you could trust, I'm still not the person you think I am, and I'm still not who I really know I can be for you…" Addison says to her cryptically...

But Meredith doesn't think much of this, and just motions for her to keep going on.

"And I know that I want to be someone to love you fully." Addison then continues.

"And I know that I want more for you than what I can offer you from me, right here, right now."

"We accept the love that we think we deserve, Meredith."

"And you don't deserve me like _THIS,_ all black and blue and a little bit bruised."

"And I don't deserve you yet. Until I've fallen apart so I can build myself up again."

And Addison expects Meredith to walk away from her, now.

That despite their shared plans that she'll leave and never come back...

* * *

But all Meredith finally says is a **'thank-you'.**

And then she starts to say something like this:

"Oh but Addison I don't think I deserve to be with you either, or that you deserve all my dark and McTwisty. I've got mommy issues and daddy issues and uncle Richard shaped-Issues"

"And I'm still an intern who got seduced by your ex-husband and I called him McDreamy till I was bruised in the face. But I'm over him now. I've made my choice and you've won."

"So if you want me"

"Then you better speak up, I won't wait"

"And you better move fast…"

"Because I can wait for you Addison. I could walk to the end of the earth for you now. "

"But I won't because I'll be staying right here, right now."

So when you decide that you're finally whole and healed enough to let me hold you like I want to,"

"Then you can come to find me and tell me!"

* * *

"But while we wait for you to get over your gay panic and self-denial and self-loathing so you can let yourself love me back,"

"Then I just want to be your friend and buy you dinner at the restaurant tonight."

"I promise I won't take advantage"

"I won't touch you inappropriately."

"I won't let you go home with someone with me, or anyone else.

I'll just stay by your side

"And I'll be the one sober if you wanna drink again so that you can let go and let yourself fall apart."

"And I'll be there for the whole evening."

"I'll be right there beside you."

"And I'm willing and ready and strong enough to catch you"

"I promise you."

* * *

"If you can't let me have you like I want to yet if you can't let me love you until you feel whole,"

"I still want you to have me like this, rather than nothing at all."

"I still want to have you like this rather than nothing at all."

"So what do you say?"

"Doctor Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery-Nothing."

"To a non-date-night date at say, eight like we said, and at that really nice Vietnamese restaurant that I talked about?"

"And we can talk about everything in our lives right now?"

"You really want to be friends?" Addison says to Meredith, weakly.

"I always wanted to be your friend. I will always be okay," Meredith says to her shyly.

"Let me treat you. We don't have to talk about any of this. We can talk about whatever we want."

"Let's just go have some fun for hell's sake."

"I mean look at you no offense but I think you deserve it…."

"Okay" Addison finally nods at her.

"Okay" Meredith finally nods back at Addison.

"Okay I'll meet you soon"

* * *

Meredith grins and she says that she's STILL DEFINITELY driving. And as she picks up Addison's keys she still has not given back, and wraps the ring around her finger.

All Addison can keep focusing on is the one that has the same M for Meredith.

The one that she stole for a second that night weeks ago at the bar.

And the one that still feels like Meredith is holding the very key to her heart.

And she'll be crushed if Meredith rejects her once she finds out all of her secrets.

But tonight at Vietnamese over drinks, how this all really began, Addison swore she wouldn't leave without telling Meredith the whole truth.

Even if it meant she could be losing everything, really everything, this time.

Because this time, unlike the last time, Addison knew once the truth had finally come out;

That she could potentially lose Meredith Grey as a potential lover, as 'knight in shining _whatever_ , as a friend…

Addison knew that once Meredith knew she was the 'mystery person' and that she'd been keeping that a secret this whole time, that Meredith Grey could cut Addison out of her life, completely, forever, and for always.

But that once Meredith knew she was the 'mystery person' and that she'd been keeping that a secret this whole time, that Meredith Grey could also just _welcome_ Addison into her life, completely, forever, and for always…

And she has no idea where they will land.

But Addison is finally ready for Meredith to lead her, to wherever, on earth, that may be.

* * *

*****

*****

*****

*****

*****

******* END OF CHAPTER 38**

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

So, it's funny, because this chapter has actually been written for _ages_.

It's been sitting on the back burner for a really long time.

Sometimes writing is like that; as an author, you know the end long before you know the beginning.

So it's happening; they are finally going out to dinner!

And Meredith finally stood up to Derek!

And all of it seems to be going well…

Will it last? What do you think?

What do you think will happen in the next chapter?

What do you WANT to happen in the next chapter…

I can't wait to find out in the COMMENTS!

bobbiejelly

* * *

THANK-YOU folks all SO MUCH for the raving reviews of this piece. Every kudos/like/star. Every time this story is followed or favorited or bookmarked or subscribed to this story. Every COMMENT - I live for your comments and waking up to them every day is my favorite. I'd LOVE some feedback on this work as we know it. It's not the end of the world though, even if you can't, I understand. :D

But I'd still love to know your feelings, your favorite moments, your funny quotes, the things you are surprised at. And also the things that you might wonder about, or be frustrated or feel another emotion by reading this one. It's a SLOOOOOOOW burn, I know. But we ARE getting there.

So what do you think will happen next? Let me know in the reviews, I ALWAYS write back to each and everyone if I can (I can't on fanfiction if you are a guest…). And I love the long and daily discussions picking the chapter apart. Fans have given me lots of plot ideas and have helped to plug some MAJOR plot holes (like JOE outing Addison). So if you find mistakes tell me and help I'll REALLY appreciate it.

Enjoy the next approximately 48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

* * *

_Take care, bobbiejelly_

* * *

Meanwhile, if you want, I just posted on 3 new stories TODAY because apparently today is a WILD day for writing!:

####  [Soothe](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

(New chapters up! Now up to chapter 9)

In Which Meredith teaches Addison how to self-soothe.

Before Meredith married Derek, and After she'd almost told Addison she liked her.

F/F. Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery. MerAdd. Meddison. GA/PP Fanfiction.

Set during GA - "Before After/An Honest Mistake & PP - Acceptance/Ex-Life. Rated M.

####  [McCravings](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24077548)

_McDreamy, McSteamy, McMeredith, and McHot all walk into a McDonalds. Hilarity ensues._

AND:

####  [After Italian](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24078883)

_Cristina Yang and Izzie Stevens hang out after their dinner date (but not their first date, ever,) at an Italian restaurant._

THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY SET IN THE SAME UNIVERSE AS FABB. It's what happened behind the scenes after Joe's that night in "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" from Cristina and Izzie's perspective. This came upon a request from a FABB fan, and you might consider it a "DVD Extra" to this very story.

If you wanna check those stories out, now, be my guest, I'd love to know what you think about it all.

So rest easy, folks, while you wait for the 39th episode of "Falling Apart, Barely Breathing".

HAVE A GOOD ONE!

Leave a note if you can,

bobbiejelly


	39. Yesterday.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of dinner, and discussions, and of truths being finally told...

_Author's Note:_

Thanks for the comments on the chapters so far, folks.

Enjoy!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_**PREVIOUSLY ON "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING":** _

* * *

_The morning after the night it all began..._

When Meredith wakes up she can hardly see before she blinks at least seven times and she struggles to free herself from the swaddle of her blankets that have all been bunched tightly up against her body like a cacoon.

She thinks nothing of it before making a beeline to the bathroom to throw up again as she looks at herself in the mirror at her body barely supporting herself still in yesterday's clothes as she sighs and she pads her way downstairs to see her potted plant sitting sideways on the kitchen counter slightly to the left of where she remembered she'd planted it just a few mornings ago.

Meredith makes her way over to to the counter where she finds a scrawled note reading

" _Meredith, take these two asprin along with the whole glass of water before going to work in the morning. Your key is not stolen, it was borrowed so that the door could be locked behind you on your way in last night. You'll get it back soon._ _Thanks for the Memories._ _Best Wishes."_

Meredith reads the note over at least six or seven times before realizing that it had no name affixed to the bottom of it nor any signatures or particular markings left over on the reverse of it either.

Whoever the mystery man who had helped her settle in last night was, well she wishes she could remember an ounce of it because obviously he would have been a keeper if she hadn't been blackout drunk on him because clearly she could see that he was the definition of a gentleman.

* * *

_END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE._

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Chapter 39: Yesterday.**

* * *

_Of dinner, and discussions, and of truths being finally told..._

* * *

Addison didn't know what to expect when she finally met the mother of John's dead lover.

She was meeting with her to sign John's discharge paperwork, because as he'd said before, he had no other next of kin.

She is a really lovely person, Addison thinks. She seems to be very fond of John.

All this makes Addison wonder if the true story was that John's lover had died in love with him as he'd first said, on the way to get married, and that he'd made the part up about the lying so Addison would open up to him.

But either way, Addison knows it's not really her business, anymore, now.

"I've missed him," she says to her. "And call me Serenity, by the way," the loved-one said.

"Oh, Addison. I mean, well, Doctor Montgomery, but Addison is my first name, and we've become close so you can call me by my first name as well, if you want to," Addison offers.

"Thank you, Doctor Addison Montgomery," Serenity uses all of her names rather than decide on which one.

"I've really missed him," Serenity, John's dead lover's mother, repeats.

"He's really wonderful," Addison asserts to her, because it's true and she doesn't want to pry for personal details.

* * *

"Addison!" Meredith Grey runs to catch up to her now, after checking in on Anna and Emmett's babies like she had asked her to.

As soon as Meredith arrives within eyesight, Addison smiles widely, as does Meredith.

Meredith tucks in very closely to Addison, because she just can't help but to do that.

Addison allows her to nuzzle into her a little bit, forgetting herself, before standing upright.

"Why hello, Doctor Grey," Addison says to her formally, motioning with her eyes to Serenity.

"Oh, right, my name is Doctor Grey!" Meredith offers a handshake, untucking herself from Addison's proximity.

"Serenity," she explains, and Meredith says "what a lovely name!"

"Ah, well aren't you two sweet," Serenity smiles at them.

"How long have you two been together?" Serenity asks Addison and Meredith, pointing between them.

* * *

It's a logical assumption to make, seeing as Meredith and Addison had just been curled up together like two peas in a pod.

To an outsider, they seemed like a couple. A _really happy couple_ , at that.

Both Addison and Meredith go red as beets, and neither of them has a solid answer, so they just stare at each other awkwardly and try to figure out an answer telepathically.

And this just seems to prove the 'dating' point further, after they eventually giggle as if sharing an inside joke.

And Serenity eventually saves them anyhow, and goes on to tell them about John and his first great love.

"Do you think one can have a _second_ great love of one's life?" Meredith asks Serenity, thoughtfully.

Meredith is thinking of herself and Addison, now, and wants to hear her take.

Sure, Addison had left Derek, and they weren't in love anymore.

But he had once been a great love of Addison's, and also of hers, confusingly.

And Meredith always felt a bit insecure about the fact that Addison had been married once before.

"Yes, I think one can," Serenity answers her. "I sure hope John finds another love of his life," Serenity says.

* * *

_(And Addison tries not to have a reaction to reveal anything about giving Raj's number to John, because that is his private life story to tell.)_

And there's no hesitation, no anger, nothing like that in Serenity's voice.

The mother of John's dead lover wants him to move on wholeheartedly from her son, and that's a really beautiful thing.

"I'm sorry for your loss, your son, I know it was a while ago, but it's hard," Meredith says to her compassionately.

And it's moments like these that make Addison wonder how Meredith Grey is only a twenty-six-year-old because at times she seems wise as a hundred.

"Thank you, really, thank you. You've both done so much for him," Serenity says.

And they know that she really, _really_ means it.

"You can see him, now," Addison says.

And she takes them up to John the patient's room, for the last time that it will be HIS room.

* * *

"Ah, well if it isn't Doctor Boss and Doctor Grey," John says to them sweetly.

And both Meredith and Addison are relieved he never called Meredith the 'lollipop lady' in front of Serenity.

"I asked her to dinner, and she said yes!" Addison finally blurts out to John like a middle schooler.

"Hey, I actually asked you out the day before that so you can't take ALL the credit!" Meredith teases.

And they fall into a natural banter, as if they'd been doing that their entire lives.

"Congratulations," he says to them sweetly.

"She won't let me call it a date-date until we like, talk," Meredith explains to John.

"Well, I think that's pretty easy; you get to listen to this wonderful woman talk, and then you get to have the anticipation and possibility all evening," John says to them with a teasing mischief.

Addison mouths a 'thank you' at him, while she winks at him also to let him know that she means talk about the 'mystery person' identity when she said they had to 'talk'.

* * *

And John smiles then, and reveals to Meredith and Serenity how Addison had played matchmaker with him and Raj.

"There was a note from the psychiatrist, inside the CD cover. Doctor Boss gave it to me. I thought you should know that," John says to them all.

"THAT'S WHY YOU WANTED TO KNOW HIS NAME? SERIOUSLY!" Meredith exclaims at Addison suddenly.

"Why? Did you think I was trying to hit on him?" Addison quips.

"You weren't?" Meredith wants to confirm.

"Not at all, but apparently making you jealous was totally worth it," Addison says to her.

"Oh, you are annoying, Addison," Meredith huffs, knowing she's won this one.

"It's only fair, I was jealous as all hell when I saw you FLIRTING WITH HIM!" Addison finally admits to having seen that.

"I didn't know you were there for that, that's incredibly embarrassing!" Meredith says.

"I don't know, you played a pretty good game there. It made me a bit nervous, to be honest," Addison chuckles.

"Well, we know who likes to play GAMES, now don't we," Meredith points at John to bring him and Serenity back into the conversation.

"Ah, John was the best at games," Serenity says all nostalgically.

"You were pretty good yourself, Serenity," John says to her, clearly showing they've spent time together before.

"John, I'd like you to still be my son, for as long as you need to be, as long as you want to be," Serenity offers.

"I'd be an honor, Serenity. I've missed you," says John.

* * *

And Addison hands them both discharge paperwork, and John asks if anyone has something spare to write on.

And Meredith says she'll run and ask Cristina, so she does.

Cristina hands her a blue stack of post-its and a blue pen that she 'really wants back someday!'

And Meredith runs off again, handing these items to John.

John writes his number on the post-its, giving a copy to each of them.

"You have to tell me the end of your story, girls. Call me tonight, after your dinner, however it turns out. If you're sad you can call me. If you're happy you can call me. Anything in between. You've saved my life, and I'd love it if you'd stay a part of mine, only if you want to," John offers.

And with that, John slips the pack of post-its and Cristina's pen back into Addison's coat pocket, as he also hands her the signed discharge forms.

Serenity says to them wistfully,

"I remember the last day John got to spend with my son, like it was yesterday…"

And she smiles as if it is a happy memory, and John smiles at her back.

And that seems to answer _that_ question, for Addison.

* * *

And as he waves goodbye at them both, John says to all of them as he once said to Addison,

"Remember, you control your own story. Write it well, and write it with love,"

"You're really going to be missed, you know," Meredith says to him.

"Farewell, but not goodbye," John promises as Serenity helps him out to the car.

"I'm really going to miss him, you know," Addison says to Meredith with a soft smile.

"Yeah, I know you will. I'm really going to miss him too," Meredith says to Addison, smiling also.

Addison really wants to hold hands with Meredith or something, but they still have not talked yet.

And Meredith wants to hold Addison's hand, but she knows Addie might want to be more private, especially being an Attending and all.

So both of them just look at each other longingly, until their pagers beep and they go to check on the babies and Anna and Emmett.

* * *

"Is everything alright?" Addison bursts in, in a panic.

"Yes, no problem. Nothing urgent, they are doing well and we just had a few questions about their medications," Anna replies.

And Addison nods, as she vividly remembers Cristina remembering her writing from the word 'Medications' and she doesn't want her to find out like that.

So she hides her chart as she fills them in, and has Meredith check the baby's reflexes and vitals as she does this.

Eventually, Anna and Emmett talk about relationships, and they end up talking about this because Meredith and Addison are asking them about their relationship since they seem to have a pretty stable one.

* * *

"Do you ever get jealous?" Meredith asks them.

"Yeah, we both do," Anna laughs.

"But it's a good jealous," Emmett explains. "It's jealousy because I know she only wants me, and I only want her back, and all we want is to love each other. It's not because we're afraid" Emmett says.

And this parallels Addison's thoughts earlier, about enjoying Meredith's sort of loving possessive look with her.

And Anna nods along with her, and explains that it's never extreme or controlling, just a flare here and there that is sort of 'hot' sometimes when one of them ends up being hit on by someone else who doesn't know they're involved.

And then they ask if THEY both get jealous, and they both blush and say 'yes' sort of sheepishly.

Because they can't really say 'no', given all they've just talked about with John and Serenity, about how they've both ended up being jealous when the other was talking to the psychiatrist.

"Are you jealous when I talk about the 'mystery person'?" Meredith finally asks Addison thoughtfully.

And Addison thinks about this, and realizes she still wants to sit down and have dinner to tell all this to Meredith.

So she plays along and says "yes, extremely jealous of your 'mystery person'.

But she's not as convincing as she would have lived to be, and Meredith sort of notices a bit of fakeness in her answer, but she can't quite figure out why, just yet, just with that.

* * *

And then Meredith boldly tells Addison she's a bit jealous at her having a 'secret admirer'.

And then Addison quirks and asks her how she even knows about that, because she doesn't remember mentioning it, ever, to Meredith.

"Gay news travels fast," Meredith covers quickly, and Addison nods at this, remembering Joe having said the same thing.

But she's a little bit interested at how Meredith did find out this fact about her, and she starts to turn her mind with scenarios.

And Anna and Emmett both try to look innocent, here.

Because they know that Addison has a secret admirer, and that it's probably Meredith.

And they know that Meredith has a 'mystery person', and judging by Addison's terrible lying, it's probably Addison.

And so they sort of get what each of them had separately said to them, about love problems 'like you wouldn't BELIEVE'.

Because all that sounded like a whole lot of complicated, but also extremely cute, that they both could have been, and still are, secretly in love with and doing favors for each other.

And after Meredith and Addison both leave the room after their consultation, Anna says to Emmett, that "Doctor Grey and Doctor Montgomery's love life right now could make for a very angsty-yet-fluffy of a potential romance novel. Or at the very least, a mediocre fanfiction.

* * *

They don't want to go in separate directions, but Meredith has lunch with her intern friends while Addison checks on some stuff in her office.

Derek brings their divorce papers by because they have to mail the extra signed copies in today.

He hands her a manilla folder with hers to sign, and he walks out without another word.

Eventually, Meredith catches up with Derek, and he's surprised that she's talking to him, giving the yelling earlier.

But Meredith is asking Derek if first of all, if Addison uses coat racks a lot, to which he says "all the time, generally,".

And she asks him if he still has the note she left him the night she gave her rings up.

And Derek says that he doesn't, because when Derek got dumped he didn't need a reminder.

So Meredith just says 'oh' and leaves him alone, and Derek doesn't ask any more questions.

Meredith is asking this, because she's having the sudden thought that it might possibly be Addison who's this 'mystery person'.

She's suspicious because Addison's answer to her jealousy question wasn't too convincing.

Meredith doesn't want to hope too hard at this, because she knows it's a lot to wish for, for her two lovers to end up being this one near-perfect person…

* * *

Except for the only caveat to that, is that that would mean Addison had lied to her, and has been lying to her, but to try to be nice to her, and take care of her, and Meredith is not so sure how to feel about that.

And maybe that's why Addison wants to talk so bad?

Or maybe Meredith is making all of this up. She doesn't know, and just thinks a lot about it.

Addison signs all the papers Derek handed to her, and then pulls the post-its and the pen out of her pocket and jots something down on them to affix to them.

Then she checks her watch and she sighs as it's not close to eight yet.

Addison thinks that maybe Meredith is her 'secret admirer' after all, because not that many people knew that she was definitely going to Joe's that night.

And Addison had told pretty much no one except Anna and Emmett about even having a 'secret admirer'.

And the only person in common about all that is Meredith.

* * *

And Addison thinks that that would be just TOO SWEET if both her lovers were the same person.

But she doesn't want to hope or wish for it because it sounds too good to be true.

And she wonders if she cares that that means Meredith's been sneaking around telling white lies for her, but then again, she'd be a hypocrite to think anything of that anyhow.

But besides which, no matter what Addison still wants to date Meredith and confess and all.

In the interim, Addison wants to do something nice for Meredith, and she decides to write her a letter and sign the damn thing as 'thanks for the memories' and stuff it in Meredith's locker for her tomorrow because it won't really be a mystery by then and she wants to write her something before she reveals it all.

As Addison tries to stuff it in Grey's locker though, she ends up breaking the locks and sighing at herself, noting that she'll have to ask someone to fix that discreetly, tomorrow.

When Meredith arrives in the locker room, she's slightly annoyed that her lock seems to be sticking, but she smiles sheepishly as she thinks that most of her important stuff is in the on-call room that she and Addison had shared, anyhow.

And that if she needs an extra sweater or something, she'll ask Addison and it'll probably all smell nice like brown sugar.

Meredith sighs at her own watch, and wonders if the damn clock is broken because the ticking isn't going fast enough for it to be eight o'clock yet.

* * *

"Only five-thirty now…" Meredith sighs as she hangs out with Cristina, and promises she'll get her pen and her post-it notes back soon enough.

And Cristina asks why she's smiling so wide, and Meredith makes her swear not to tell anyone but she's sort of going to dinner with Addison later, and she's so excited.

And she explains the whole date-not-date thing with Cristina, and they debate for an hour or so about the best outfit idea, and if Meredith should or should not bring flowers.

And then Meredith suggests that Cristina buy flowers for Izzie.

Alex and George eventually walk in on this discussion, and they both smile and say Addison would probably like flowers, based on her thing for red and green scarves.

And then they tell Meredith that Addison also likes Harry Potter and The Hunger Games, and to take from that what she will.

And Meredith smiles because she likes these things also, and starts idly fantasizing about watching movies and reading books while curled up on the couch with Addison.

She's sort of distracted by these thoughts as she wanders around aimlessly, trying to spot Addison in the halls while she's not busy.

* * *

And it wasn't until Meredith makes a wrong turn as she swears when she stumbles r _ight into Addison_ and scatters all of the scrambles of divorce papers that Addison had served once that she sees they've been signed by both parties.

Meredith scanned them to see the blue Post-It Note that was sticking out on top of the folder and she squinted to see the bright blue ink she scrawled out " _Goodbye, Derek and good luck with Meredith, from Addison_ ". Meredith realizes they're about to mail them in.

She asks why Addison would do this to her after what Meredith said to Derek and thinks it's a cruel joke. Addison explains she wanted to be sure that Meredith had the one last chance with him i _f she wanted it_ , but also it was sarcastic.

It was meant to be a sort of good luck with being friends with Derek, but also that she's going to win her over instead of Derek. And she also meant it as more of a professional thing, because Meredith seemed to have an interest in neuro.

Meredith sorts the divorce papers in her hand but she takes the post it note for herself saying she doesn't want Derek romantically anymore like she'd already said, and as a friend she was still deciding and mulling that one over.

She said that as for neuro with Derek, that she's given it a thought, but it's not something she really needed to decide for herself for a while. And the note scrawled on Cristina's old grocery list makes Meredith laugh, as Meredith thinks to herself...

* * *

_You could put it in a glass picture frame and hang it up on the wall. But It's not like a single stupid blue on blue Post-It Note could ever make a meaningful marriage work anyways._

_Or maybe it could… Because Meredith has the sudden urge to frame THIS post-it note for herself. It was something borrowed and blue, and old, and new. And it was from ADDISON._

* * *

But then Meredith's eyes catch on another thing as she squints at the post-it note again.

She sees the resemblance to the way her name "Meredith" looked on her notepad this morning in the way that the "M"s are made out all messy and curvy that Meredith realizes that the 'mystery person' might not have been a mystery _man_ after all. She's sort-of suspected that at some point, but now the moment has arrived. She's shocked at the moment, finally.

Meredith had been thanking this 'mystery man' or 'mystery person' all along when the woman she should have been thanking had been none other than Meredith's Grey's once oldest enemy, but now dear friend and CRUSH, the, _SHE -,_ Doctor Addison Adrianne Forbes-Montgomery-Nothing, or at least she suspects so. She's had her suspicions already, anyhow because again, of the not-jealousy thing and the parallels to Derek's story, and Addison's sort of thin and blunt answer when Meredith had asked what she did that night...

And she wants to find out for sure, and she knows that the best way to do this is to find Cristina.

"Addison, can I have that pen and your post-its for Cristina, again? She really wants them back and I have to go give it to her before we meet later," Meredith tries to say calmly.

And Addison offers them to her with a smile, and Meredith is not meeting her eyes so she doesn't reveal what she just might have found out.

Addison doesn't realize it either, because she was too shocked at Meredith's bitter reaction to the post-it note she'd just had on her divorce papers that she'd forgotten that Meredith now had a sample of her handwriting with her very own name on it.

Addison so lost in thought thinking about Meredith, and dinner, and Vietnamese food, she's just so excited! It's been ages since she just went on a first date with someone… She's nervous...

* * *

So Meredith takes the sticky note to Cristina.

And Cristina finally admits that she's kept the 'mystery person's' note from that night, as Meredith had suspected.

They compare and confirm the writing, and Meredith thinks she has found her mystery man

She asks Cristina why she never told her everything, and Cristina says that it 'wasn't her story to tell'.

She wanted Addison to tell her, and Meredith starts to understand her.

And Cristina asks her how she feels about it, and Meredith goes on a long ramble about it:

"I'm relieved. More relieved and happy than ever."

"Because I used to think that I'd never get over Derek."

"Then this mystery person came along and I got all hung up on them."

"And then I stopped caring for Derek but I wasn't over the mystery man yet"

"And then Addison came along and I got all hung up on her."

"And I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop thinking that if the mystery person came alone than I'd be in a triangle again and that I would finally have to choose-"

"Addison or the mystery person."

"But now that I know that I don't have to pick, I don't have to choose, I don't have to feel like I'm loving more than one person-"

"It just feels to me that all of this sweet love is all wrapped into one now."

"And that the effect of the one plus one love is far greater than two."

"And I know that she wants me"

"And I know that she won't let me have her"

"Not more than friends, not for a while at least."

"But I still can't stop feeling hopeful."

"I still can't sit around waiting anymore."

"Because she had my key to my house."

"Then she had the key to my heart."

"And now she has the key to my soul."

"Because I thought that once I found my one and only soulmate in you, and I think you still are, just platonically, as my best friend, my twisted sister and as my person."

"But I don't think that love has to be divided in that way either."

"That I can love you both fully in different ways anyhow."

"And that doesn't make me love you or her any less."

"So I'm going to be friends with her now."

"Because that's what she wants."

"What she needs to be happy."

"And I can do that for her."

"I'd walk to the edge of the earth."

"Except that, I won't because I said I'll be taking her to dinner at that Vietnamese place you hate."

(Cristina smirks at this, and Meredith thinks it's just because Cristina hates it, not because she had once suggested to Addison she take her there…)

"And she can drink till she drops, or not if she doesn't wanna." Meredith continues.

"And then I'm gonna carry her home," Meredith says wistfully.

"Tonight-"

"And I'll tuck her under the covers."

"And I'll kiss her forehead goodnight."

"And I'll tuck her in her clothes."

"And I'll leave her two aspirin and a glass of water"

"And a note in the morning."

"Saying thanks for the memories best wishes, _From Meredith Grey._ "

"So that she'll be sure to know…"

"Because I want her to know."

"Now that I know who she is,"

"I'm never letting her go."

"You two are going to be something beautiful, you know that," Cristina says to her, then continues.

"Now go make a girl proud!"

"Be a good friend to her."

"Be a good girlfriend once she gets over her gay panic."

"And become somebody that she knows she can trust."

"I believe in you."

"And no matter what happens."

"Know that I'll never stop loving you too, all the same, I'm your person. You can always call me."

Cristina finally finishes.

"I'll call you," Meredith promises.

"To let you know how it goes."

"I hope she lets me call it a date!"

"I already know her damn secret!"

Mer gets paged to join Addison on pyloric babies, so she waves goodbye to Cristina.

And she asks Cristina to text her about her own date with Izzie.

And Cristina says that she will, and gives Meredith her 'mystery person' note back along with Addison's chart with the word "Medications" circled on it, and also Addison's numbers labeled with "this one is her cell phone, don't give it out to people," and "this one is her office number, don't text that one, ever."

But Meredith doesn't have a chance to read all that before she answers her page.

She just stuffs them in her pocket, to read it all later.

* * *

When Meredith and Addison and Emmett and Anna and the two babies, no longer X and Y but now Cris Steven and Maddison are there, it's an interesting situation for sure.

Because Meredith pretty much thinks she knows Addison's secret, but she's not going to talk about it in front of patients.

And Addison is also keeping the secret she doesn't know Meredith already figured out.

So then Meredith is teasing her, saying things like "you seem like the kind of woman who would hold someone's hair when they throw up" to Addison, and watching her stiffen a little.

"Any friend of yours would be lucky to have you, I had a mystery man who was so kind to me once…" Meredith brings this up so she can see Addison's slight smile at the compliment, slight frown at the 'man' part, and another smile at the 'kind' part.

And then Addison gets pages to another consult, saving her from more of this slippery slope.

And so she leaves, saying to Meredith "See you at eight!" and Meredith nods and smiles at her.

And once she is gone from the room, Anna speaks up to Meredith:

"Addison seems really good at taking care of people when they're sick, I think you're right. She's been great with our babies" Anna says sweetly.

"She really is," Meredith smiles at Anna.

"Can you keep a secret?" Meredith asks her and Emmett, and they nod, saying they have kept all her secrets so far.

"Did you know that she held my hair when I was sick. And protected me from a stupid boy. I'm never going back to Derek. I'm her secret admirer. And she's my 'mystery lover'… maybe we were always meant to be…" Meredith says dreamily.

And Emmett smiles at her and says "I really hope that it works out for you, you are really great with the babies too, and you took care of them even when they spit-up on you. I know you'd take care of anyone you wanted to love just as much as Addison or anyone else."

And Meredith smiles at this, all the while glancing up at the door every ten seconds, to make sure Addison is not listening.

So Addison doesn't find out that way, that Meredith had finally cracked her best-kept secret in ages.

Addison eventually is on the way back to Anna and Emmett's room, when she's stopped in her tracks by a text message from an unknown number.

* * *

**Text Message, 19:01, Location: Seattle**

_Unknown Number to Addison Forbes Montgomery_

**UNKNOWN NUMBER**

[Call me, when you can. From Meredith Grey.]

_Addison marks this message as "read"._

_Addison saves the "unknown number" into her phone as "Meredith Grey - :) "_

* * *

Addison wonders if Cristina Yang told her Addison's cell phone number, or how she found it if she asked Derek.

But then the number, who is apparently Meredith, is texting her all over again.

* * *

**Text Message, 19:03, Location: Seattle**

_Meredith Grey :) to Addison Forbes Montgomery_

**MEREDITH**

[I got your number from your chart from Cristina please don't be mad.]

[I found it by accident. Can we talk and can we still go to dinner at Vietnamese later and maybe have it still be a date?]

_Addison marks this message as "read"._

* * *

And then Addison takes a moment to think about all the potential implications of all of this.

But then, Addison decides to just roll with the punches as all of it comes.

And she calls Meredith's number, which she finally has now.

And she says she can't wait to see Meredith, and she's on her way to check up on the patients now, but they are still on for eight, Meredith can still drive, and they still have to talk, but it can still maybe be a date.

And Meredith grins into the phone, and saves Addison's number now that she's sure it's really hers.

And the both of them read over the text messages, and smile insanely at how happy they are.

* * *

Once eight o'clock finally rolls around, Meredith is ready, rolling over Addison's keys in her hand.

And Addison is putting on her coat, and she's even brought an extra one for Meredith, because she already knows that her locker got broken (which she doesn't mention yet.)

And Meredith takes the coat gratefully and they walk out together to Addison's car.

Meredith can't resist at least hugging Addison as soon as they're in the parking lot.

They're not exactly hiding their relationship, or not-quite relationship.

But they are being discreet out of a mutual understanding that they've been prime gossip for a while, and 'Derek Shepherd's ex-wife and ex-girlfriend/mistress are now a couple' is something they want to process for themselves, before everyone at Seattle Grace is talking all about it.

* * *

And all on the way to the restaurant, Meredith is driving and Addison is sitting there.

And they don't want to talk just then, so they just sing along to the music.

And Meredith plays the first disc in the car, and it's "Broken" by Lifehouse, again.

They listen to it over and over, and Meredith loves this song more than anything.

Because it makes her think of Addison's car and her keys and all of her memories with Addison.

* * *

Meredith orders at dinner, because she's been here so many times and Addison asks her to pick out the best stuff.

And Meredith puffs out with pride at being given such trust and responsibility.

And then finally Meredith starts to talk and ask questions.

And Meredith confesses first, to having been Addison's 'secret admirer'.

And Addison smiles widely, and confesses she'd had a hunch all along about that one, but that she'd finally figured it out when Meredith wasn't that jealous of that person, and also knew about it.

And Meredith confesses that wasn't her smartest tactic.

And Addison just says "thanks for the drink, Meredith, really".

And Meredith smiles.

* * *

And then Meredith gets serious, and explains to Addison how she thought that she was her 'mystery person'.

Meredith wordlessly pulls out the post-it note from earlier with her name on it, the chart from Cristina and the line that said "medications" and the mystery note from that first night, where it says 'thanks for the memories'.

And Meredith points at all the capital "M" places.

And proves to Addison they all look the same.

And she says that "also you apparently did pretty much the same thing for Derek that night, so it was a big hint. And he said that you always use coat racks, and you really really care about my potted plant because you might have bumped into me, and then I knocked it over…"

"And then you weren't very jealous, ever, of my 'mystery person' and you flinched when I called him a 'mystery MAN'. And you had such a short response about where you had been that night, it was so long ago that I just believed you. And I guess I never thought not to. But then I figured this all out, and there are not that many people who would care so much about getting someone home safe to sleep in Seattle, without the promise of sex. And you're one of those kindhearted people…" Meredith keeps going.

"And I'm so glad that it's YOU, because I don't have to worry about a 'mystery person' showing up and trying to hit on me, and that being confusing for both of us" Meredith finally admits happily.

And Addison is overjoyed with relief that Meredith isn't extremely mad at her, or wanting to leave or give up.

And Addison says to Meredith that "I'm really glad you're my 'secret admirer', because I don't want to be admired by anyone but you".

And there's just a moment of happy silence between them when all the truths and the mysteries seem to unfold before their eyes.

And they stare into each other's eyes and watch them clear in a sigh of relief.

There are no longer these secrets between them.

It's just THEM, and them alone.

And it's really tremendous, how welcoming it all feels.

* * *

Meredith says she meant everything she said "any friend would be lucky to have you," and all the other stuff.

And then Meredith asks why Addison kept that whole thing about taking care of her, a secret for so long.

And Addison says "Thanks, and I didn't say because I didn't have to be some weird sort of hero to you, I didn't want you to be obsessed with one side of me when I was still with Derek at the time," Addison explains.

"I was worried if you knew before you liked me anyhow, that could have been weird or a suckup or clingy or something that wasn't genuine, and plus, I hadn't figured out I liked women yet, romantically or any of that, and I didn't know that you fancied women either," Addison says.

Addison eventually says to her "We don't have to be friends if you hate me for lying, we don't have to be enemies either, or anything more or less…" insecurely as Meredith is still a bit shocked at this.

"We can forget you ever remembered," Addison offers.

"Thanks but I don't want to ever forget just how kind you were to me, back then, it almost feels like yesterday back when you were just Derek's wife and I was just Derek's girlfriend/mistress. And I had just said "pick me, choose me, love me," to HIM, and I was drowning myself waiting for YOUR husband to show up and have an adulterous love affair with me, or until he left you at least…" Meredith rambles a lot.

* * *

"You could have hated me, Addie, by all rights you should have. But you didn't. And you took me home and didn't even take credit for it. And I'm- Just thank you so much. I'm a bit sad you felt you had to keep it a secret for so long, but I'm glad you're telling me now. And plus, I mean I also did sort of lie to you about the fact that I was working on your case when I ran off…" Meredith says.

Addison says to Meredith "you're not too bad yourself, kid" giving Meredith an endearing nickname, because she liked it when Meredith called her "Addie".

"Thanks for sticking up for me. Thanks for coming out all that way in the rain for me that night. You made me feel less alone, you let me sit beside you that night when you could have bitten my head off…" Meredith explains to her.

"We could hang out at Joe's again, but no more tequila for me," Addison says, finally opening up about how the tequila burned that night.

"Agreed. And no more scotch either, let's not think about Derek for a while," Meredith says.

Addison says "I'll teach you to love wine sometime," to Meredith, then.

"You could teach me to love any-alcohol," Meredith grins up at Addison.

_(You could teach me to love anything… Anyone… YOU. You could teach me to love you… Meredith thinks in her mind…)_

_(Could I teach you to love me? Addison doesn't ask, and Meredith doesn't answer, because of course, she didn't ask.)_

_(While meanwhile, the both of them are thinking the very same thing; could they teach each other to love them, the way they deserved to be loved…?_

* * *

So do you want to come to the bar and drink wine with me? Meredith asks Addison, after a delicious dinner.

And Addison says they can go to Joe's if they really want to, later, for a while, but she doesn't want to drink tonight.

And Meredith doesn't either.

And neither of them really says why.

So they just keep eating Vietnamese food.

_(Because the last time they'd almost kissed, Meredith had said no because Addison was drunk. And neither of them wanted to ruin their chances at a kiss tonight, if they decided it IS a date, after all.)_

And Meredith asks Addison to tell her exactly what happened that night. And Addison does.

* * *

2 of

Us,  
At dinner,

Chat and chill,

"So what did I miss?"

"Tell me what you know"

Mer will tell her all that she

Remembers from that night, then,

Addie will fill her in a few blanks.

Meredith nod, and asks her next -

"Why did you do this for me?"

Because you were alone,

And so was I, I was so,

So alone and as well,

Joe asked me to.

So tell him thanks,

"Thanks, Joe."

Mer will say she's tired and Addison will want to stay out more.

And Mer will say no "don't make me take you home."

"I can't carry _you_ all on my own".

So Addie agrees to go.

So then,

Mer,

Drives Addie Home.

So that she,

Was.

Not.

All.

Alone

And Meredith,

Wasn't all alone either.

* * *

By this time in the evening, Addison has inhaled all her dinner, because she loves it so much.

They've moved on to Joe's now, and Meredith is laughing as Addison keeps eating more of the desert they've packed up 'for later' from the restaurant.

"Are you going to throw up Addison?" Meredith asks her. "Because I know you said you held up my hair and all when I did but I'm just a little on the queasy side when it comes to that stuff after the other day," Meredith says.

"Probably not," says Addison honestly.

"I know my limits, Meredith. At least about my own eating and drinking by now" Addison states.

"I'm a bit older than you now, so I'm wiser about it. I drink a lot more than I should, day to day already, so what you're seeing day today isn't going to result in a total blackout like your drunken night here" Addison says.

"Addison, you're not an alcoholic are you?" Meredith asks a little too gently, even though Addison isn't even drinking tonight.

"No, I would know if I were, Derek or Mark would have known. I don't need to drink alcohol, I go days without it all the time especially when I'm working a lot" Addison begins.

"But just recently, with the whole affair then the breakup then the moving then the divorce, then being suddenly GAY, and keeping secrets for so long... I guess I got a little accustomed to needing a little something to take the edge away" Addison says in a much more vulnerable manner than she probably would have to anyone but Meredith.

* * *

And it makes Meredith see Addison even more, see all her guilt, her doubt, her shame. Her self-loathing. Her pain. Her heartbreak.

Meredith can see every human emotion swimming across Addison's face right now. She's so much taller than Meredith, plus she's usually wearing high heels. She's much more experienced than Meredith, she's her Attending as well as her teacher.

But right here, right now, to Meredith Grey at least, Addison does not have the same 'royal veneer' that she usually has. It's like she's seeing Addison in a different light for the first time now; without all her trust fund and properties and jewelry, clothes, makeup and hair.

She's seeing Addison as an equal to her now, she's looking on to her face next to her eye to eye.

And she sees in Addison's eyes a despair she's been holding onto since she first started seeing Derek; a sense that she's lost pieces of herself that she's given up and given away. She seems empty and broken and a shell of whoever she might have been before her marriage.

And Meredith can see all of her grief from the good parts of hers and Derek's friendships, she can see all the guilt and the heartache and regret. And she can see all the sense of relief washing over Addison, as it is slowly sinking into him that she doesn't have to go home to him ever again.

But after all the divorce stress and before the building herself back up can begin; Addison is hitting rock bottom now. She's having an objectively a great time with this Grey girl but just like the first night they met here she's having one of the worst days she's ever really had in her life.

The last time that Addison came here with Meredith, they were both hanging onto the thin hope that Derek would be a new man and take care of them. But that now, they both knew that the goodbye's had been final; that they wanted them to be, even.

But they still both could feel that a part of their soul had been ripped apart and that those pieces that Derek had ripped off from them were still pieces that were attached to them somehow. And those pieces of them - are now completely torn, cut off and exposed and raw. That all of those scars that once healed are bared fresh in the blood for all peering eyes to see.

But at least they were broken together, and with each other's grounding touch and each other's kind and soft eyes, they can start moving forward and help each other build themselves back together again.

* * *

As Meredith looks into Addison's eyes again, she zones off for a moment, trying to concentrate on the words Addison has told her about that first night here at Joe's. And above all of the odds and above all of the both of their low expectations, Meredith starts to slowly but surely remember.

And the first thing that Meredith slowly remembers from that first night here, was when Addison was sad about leaving Derek and how she had opened with her for the first time.

How Addison seemed to have recognized the very same melancholy in Meredith as she held her gaze without patronizing her. Without questions. Without judgment. Without competing with her. And without adding an ounce to her pain.

Meredith remembers how she could all but see the metaphorical bruises Addison had been hiding, holding back from even herself and from her, way back then. The ones Derek had impacted deep onto Addison's soul. She could imagine them all, all swollen black and the blue.

Meredith thinks retrospectively that Addison must have seen in her the very same beginnings of her own bruising. How Addison must have seen on her the very first of the pieces that Derek Shepherd had pried away from her; the biggest pieces he'd torn off that very day when he hadn't chosen her.

And Meredith thinks back to that moment, how all she wanted before it was for Derek to come back to that bar and to sweep her off of her feet again. But that somehow after Addison had bared her own scars to her, how she had loved Derek as McDreamy much, much less after that.

* * *

Meredith then remembers from then how a part of her wanted to reach out and hold onto Addison's hands on her own and to squeeze them both tight.

And how Meredith didn't then.

Because she didn't see why becoming buddies with her ex-boyfriend's ex-wife would have made any sense to her.

But Meredith does it for Addison now.

"Here, take my hand Addison" Meredith reaches over to rub the palms of Addison's hands in her fingers.

She smoothes them over and massages them, wearing the stress from her surgeries away.

The human touch makes Addison tearful, and she starts to cry as Meredith works the knots out of her overworked muscles.

And as Meredith caresses sweet circles into Addison's palms,

Addison starts to completely let her tears go.

* * *

"I can't believe that it's over!" Addison sobs as hard as she could.

She hadn't ever cried from her divorce yet, and now that she didn't have to carry these secrets anymore, she's finally letting go.

Normally Addison would never let herself cry in public. Her other Bizzy always told her not to.

But Meredith says that it's "just the two of us now." And that seems to do the trick.

And Meredith wraps her into a tight embrace, holding Addison's head to the crook of her neck.

Meredith twirls a hair from Addison's face in her fingers as she holds her arms over Addison's shoulders and rubs soothing patterns into Addison's back.

Addison sighs, and thinks idly, that this is a nearly exact role reversal of the first night in the bar, ages ago.

Only this time, she's the one that's being held. And she's the one pouring her heart.

And she's the one who can't stop herself from feeling all her feelings out in the open.

* * *

And Addison can't help but feel relieved that Meredith had squeezed them into the booth at the very back of the bar right now because the last thing that she needed was to have someone recognize her as one of their doctors and for them to never trust her ever again, ever.

"Eleven years, Meredith. I was with Derek Shepherd for eleven years" Addison cries.

"Eleven Christmases, Eleven Thanksgivings. Did you know one time he invited his family over on Christmas dinner and made me cook a turkey for the first time in my life and when his sister got food poisoning, that Derek made hot dogs and everyone called HIM the hero?!"

Addison's asking as if Derek might have told that story to her in pride somehow.

"No, I didn't know that," Meredith says, "It sounds pretty funny, in a gross and terribly tragic sort of way though" Meredith smiles down at Addison.

"I was so mad at him then. He walks in with a silver platter when he's the one who has gotten me into all of this mess in the first place. His mother thinks that I poisoned her on purpose and she never liked me at all after that. Never forgave me. I saw a wedding ring from her family one time at Derek's parent's house and that's when I knew that Derek had bought his own ring because his mother wouldn't give her her grandmother's" Addison sobs again.

"She hated me, Meredith. She. HATED. ME." Addison sobs even harder.

* * *

"And I'm a good person I think even if I hate myself an awful lot, I tried to be good for him. But all they saw me as was this rich stuck-up person who never knew how to struggle, who couldn't cook turkey and who wasn't for Derek."

"Well, they were right about one thing at least" Meredith grins down at her.

"MEREDITH YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO AGREE WITH DEREK'S MOTHER" Addison yells.

"Shhhhh, it's okay, Addie" Meredith calls her by her nickname instinctively as she places a hand gently on Addison's face.

The nickname rolls gently off of Meredith's lips. And Addison wonders to herself why she likes it when Meredith calls her that, whereas when Derek says it it has such a bitterness that she wants to rip all the words right out of his face.

"Thank you Merediffff" Addison tries but fails miserably at pronouncing Meredith's name to her through all her sobs.

"Addison, you're slurring like you were when you were drinking, I think the shock from the divorce is just starting to hit you now" Meredith says, sounding a little concerned.

"I'll be okay, because you're here, Meredif" Addison sniffles softly.

And Meredith doesn't mention how much she loves when Addison calls her that.

* * *

" _We accept the love we think we deserve," Meredith says to Addison softly._

" _We accept the love we think we deserve," Addison says to Meredith softly._

_Joe, can you hand me our tab? Meredith smiles up at him, and Walter dials the number._

_And it's a sort of reverse deja-vu again for all of them._

" _Let me help you get home…" Meredith motions for Addison to sit next to her in her own car._

_And Addison does._

* * *

*****

*****

*****

*****

*****

******* END OF CHAPTER 39**

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

Hope you liked the reveal, let me know what you think of it.

This was actually one of the very first chapters to be ever written, or at least, most of it was. Can you believe that???

Some changes were added at the last minute, but for the most part, it has been the same.

The small poem in the middle, for example, was written over a month ago, when I thought, then, that this would be only a few chapter drabbles.

And now, it's probably the hardest writing project I've ever taken on in my life, and I love it.

Please leave me a note on this chapter, if there's ever a chapter to talk about it's this one, as another counterpart to "I will follow you into the dark".

These are the long and plot-heavy ones that drive the story forward.

What will happen next? They still have not had the conversation about if this is a 'date' or not…

What do you WANT to happen next? Let me know!

Thanks all, in advance, for the love.

Enjoy the next approximately 48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

* * *

_PS, If you want to read something else while you wait, check out "Soothe"_

####  [Soothe](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

In Which Meredith teaches Addison how to self-soothe.

Before Meredith married Derek, and After she'd almost told Addison she liked her.

F/F. Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery. MerAdd. Meddison. GA/PP Fanfiction.

Set during GA - "Before After/An Honest Mistake & PP - Acceptance/Ex-Life. Rated M.

Inspired by "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by lespians, "Blame Game" by LordOfLezzies, "All We Ever Are We Are" by SilverStarsAndMoons and “I’ll Feel Better When The Headaches Go Away” by StepIsInsanity.

Its the other work that I'm working on that has a similar angst/hurt-comfort/MerAdd storyline.

Anyway, if you want to read more, you might like it and I'd love feedback on this new story!

Full link here: <https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004/chapters/57840982>

_Yours, truly,_

_bobbiejelly_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it worth the wait?


	40. THE VERY VERY REAL CHAPTER 40: What Have I Done To Deserve This?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's not raining, the sun is shining, right here in Seattle" Addison Montgomery says to Meredith Grey. And Meredith Grey says it back to her, smiling.
> 
> THIS IS THE REAL CHAPTER 40 OF "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING"!
> 
> Thank you, for reading this one. I hope it will be a real treat :D

_Author's Note:_

Thank you all for waiting for today for this Chapter!

This one is over a hundred pages long in my browser… Seriously!

For those reading this in the future, this one was delayed a few days due to Mother's Day 2020.

This work has been 30 Chapters in 30 days from April 1st to 30th, 2020…

And I wanted it to be 40 in 40 days, like as a symbolic number I guess.

Instead, I decided to take an extra few days for this one and I hope this is worth it.

So it is now 40 Chapters in 42 days, which still seems like a nice poetic number. ;)

At long last, I present Chapter 40 of "Falling Apart, Barely Breathing".

And I wish and I hope that it will be as special as it is for me.

This one is the longest one EVER, with extra notes, too.

So enjoy the ride, and settle in for a little while...

With extreme gratitude, joy, and love,

Welcome to my world and enjoy it.

Let me know what you think!

Happy reading for you!

bobbiejelly

* * *

_**PREVIOUSLY ON "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING":** _

* * *

What seems like ages ago, to both Meredith and Addison, right now, _on that fateful night_...

Addison stays just so she can tuck the girl in as she pulls over the sheet trying not to tickle Meredith's toes and she tugs over the throw blanket so it covers all of Meredith's feet and her calves. And then she lifts up the duvet all the way up to Meredith's head before Meredith pokes it out to say "peekaboo" and Addison almost loses it laughing before stopping and realizing that the both of them laughing was making them both now be way too loud.

"Peekaboo you now young Meredith Grey now you get yourself some sleep it's been quite the long day for us both hasn't it, huh," Addison says with her most concerned doctor voice as she clicks her tongue and Meredith grins up at her, eyelids growing heavy and falling further and further until she can no longer keep her eyes open.

"Thanks-" Meredith tries to say more but she's snoring already and Addison takes this as her cue to shut the lights off to Meredith's room and to close the bedroom door behind her as she leaves.

Addison ignores Meredith's earlier orders to leave the potted plant alone because she can't stand that the plant will probably wilt on its own if left sideways so she straightens the roots out back into its shell and she rights it right onto the table it had taken to before tending to it with some water and with the wear of her hands.

She settles Meredith's coat onto the coat rack even though none of the others have hung theirs there and she silently slips back into the kitchen again so she can wash out her hands before she spies a half-empty bottle of aspirin back under the counter she stores in her hand while she searches for a piece of spare paper and a spare glass for water as well as a pen.

Addison then realizes that she doesn't want to leave the house door wide open behind her all after she's gone and she's not going to be crawling through any backdoor windows at this time of night and besides of which Meredith has at least her two housemates and that they'll see each other soon in the hospital anyway.

So she leaves Meredith a note which she doesn't sign a name to. And she slips the house key off of Meredith's car key keychain before twisting it to hers where it snaps now it's securely shut. And she's securing the door lock to Meredith's mother's house and she is testing it behind her before calling herself another cab and feeling even more empty than before as she stumbles into her hotel room alone at the Archfield.

And Addison is sad as she's thinking she's got no one to tuck _her_ in tonight and to leave her a note on her kitchen table to say that she should take the two of the aspirin she's poured out from the bottle when she wakes up along with a tall glass of water she's poured into the glass from the sink. She won't find out also that she'll have her key back soon enough too; and that it was not stolen - (she borrowed it) and that it was simply borrowed for a short time- borrowed because she just didn't want to leave them all unknowingly alone in the house that was unsecured all throughout the night altogether.

And Addison is sad because she's thinking she's got no one to hold her or to tell her they're sorry or to tell her that she's still desirable and that they'll stay for them as long as they need for her to feel happy again.

And Addison is sad because she's thinking she'll maybe never ever find love for herself ever, ever again and she's given her lovers away like she's given away sharp and broken bottle pieces of her sliced up soul.

And Addison finally finds herself crying herself to sleep for the second night in a row since she's sure as hell not thinking that Grey girl can't even know how happy she's got it with her friends falling around her and for even her own generosity in ensuring that she's safe and sound through the very worst night of her young life, so far.

* * *

_END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE._

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by @bobbiejelly. NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You’re welcome :)_

* * *

**FINALLY THE VERY VERY REAL - Chapter 40: What Have I Done To Deserve This?**

* * *

" _It's not raining, the sun is shining, right here in Seattle" Addison Montgomery says to Meredith Grey. And Meredith Grey says it back to her, smiling._

* * *

"It's not raining, the sun is shining, right here in Seattle" Addison blurts out to Meredith, the moment they've exited the door to Joe's bar, as Meredith waves goodbye to Joe and Walter over her shoulder, and they mouth a 'take care of her' back at her.

Addison doesn't see her waving, or Joe and Walter mouthing words at Meredith, because she's so focused on the evening sky.

"It's not raining, the sun is shining, right here in Seattle" Meredith repeats to Addison with a smile, coming back to her from her silent interactions, and tucking into Addison close.

"You once said to me, 'when it rains, it pours' Addison reveals to Meredith, who concentrates hard to see if she can remember this.

"I think I was talking about a metaphor," Meredith says to her. "I think I was trying to talk about our messed-up lives and how things always felt like they were getting worse and worse," Meredith remembers out loud.

"And now, it's not raining," Addison says to Meredith, pulling her close in her arms from behind her and tucking her own head atop Meredith's.

"And now, it's not raining," Meredith says back to Addison, wrapping her own hands around Addison's hands, overtop her caress.

"Beautiful," Addison says wistfully.

"Yeah. Beautiful," Meredith says wistfully back at her.

"I was talking about YOU, you know," Addison finally says to Meredith, after a pause.

"So was I," Meredith smiles into Addison's hug.

And they stand there for a minute, looking up at the stars and the moon and the planets, feeling like the Seattle sky was shining then, just for them. For them to finally feel happy again. Alongside each other.

_(Together.)_

_(At long last.)_

_(Finally…)_

It's Meredith who finally breaks the silence.

* * *

"Addie," Meredith starts with Addison's old nickname, snapping her out of her reverie.

"Yes, Mer?" Addison reciprocates with Meredith's shortened name.

She realizes she's never called Meredith that before, because it's usually been reserved for Cristina.

She sees Meredith smile at it, though, so she pulls her close again, as Meredith had just pulled away slightly in her embrace to face her.

"This is the moment, I think. This is the moment we decide whether or not tonight was a date or not. And I'm not sure how that's going to work; because there's two of us and if one of us votes yes and the other one no, then there's not exactly a way to break an uneven tie…"

Meredith trails off on a ramble and Addison grins at her, thinking she's as cute as the night she was plastered and droning on and on in her bed…

"Well, I think I have another solution," Addison proposes suddenly, as if she's thought of this all on the spot.

She actually has; Addison has just gotten a novel idea.

"What?" Meredith says curiously, having no idea where Addison is going with this.

"What if we don't call the dinner and non-alcoholic drinks at Joe's a date, but…" Addison starts to trail off, trying to figure out the words for herself…

* * *

"Can ask you on another date, right away, like right now. You're saying I can take you somewhere other than to your hotel first, and that _that_ can be our first date together, ever?!" Meredith says to Addison rather excitedly.

"That's exactly what I was thinking!" Addison concludes the thought.

They're not even 'on their first date' yet, though it feels as though they already are.

They can read each other's minds as if instantly, and the world fades away, paler in color than what the two of them are experiencing with one another.

* * *

"You know, I never thought that I'd ever be able to stop hating myself enough to ever let you have me like this," Addison admits to Meredith finally.

"You know that I hate that you hate yourself all that much all the time," Meredith sighs heavily as she reaches to place an arm around Addison's shoulders.

Addison holds Meredith back, like she wants to, pulling her in by the waist with her hands resting on the small of Meredith's back.

"I know, I just can't help it," Addison says to her softly, hanging her head in the process.

"I'm glad that you're letting yourself have me like this. I wasn't sure if you ever would, and I wanted to wait forever for you, but I'm glad I don't have to, now," Meredith says seriously.

"You know, I can feel that you hate yourself just as much all the time," Addison says carefully to Meredith now.

"I know, I just can't help it," Meredith says softly, mirroring Addison's phrasing as she does.

"I hate it too, you know, when I see that in you," Addison says to her gently.

"Yeah," Meredith sighs.

"I'm sorry, you know, I mean, for that. I don't mean to cause you pain…" Meredith apologizes and it kills Addison, just positively kills Addison every damn time.

"It just hurts me to know that you're hurting yourself emotionally," Addison tucks a hair from Meredith's face as she says this.

"It hurts me the same way, knowing you're hurting yourself emotionally," Meredith nuzzles herself into Addison's frame.

"Do you think I can ever learn to care for myself, the way that I should?" Addison says mostly rhetorically, but Meredith wants to give her an answer.

"I really do hope so, and I hope that I can learn to care for myself like I should, as well," Meredith sums up succinctly.

"We really are two broken people," Addison sighs.

"Yeah, we really are broken. But we're building ourselves up again," Meredith says to her hopefully.

"We really are, Grey…" Addison says to her sweetly.

And Addison thinks that the happiness that creeps into Meredith's sad voice is the most joyful thing ever...

* * *

"You know, Addison, you tame all the rain for me. You make it seem like it's sunny when the sun isn't shining. And now that the sun is already shining, you make it shine brighter just standing with you," Meredith says up to Addison all poetically, breaking their silence, eventually.

"You know, Meredith, you make me enjoy the rain. When you said to me that night 'when it rains, it pours', I thought it would always feel like a bad thing. I've had some bad nights out in the rain. The day Derek left me. The day I thought that you left me. I was in the rain… But now…"

Addison moves to continue her thoughts as she nuzzles her chin into the corners of Meredith's head.

"Now, I find comfort in it. I thought I would hate Seattle for the storms. But I find myself loving the rain, because it reminds me of you," Addison finally finishes her monologue.

"I wanna kiss you right now, but that's supposed to be the end of the date, and we haven't even started, so I'm gonna start walking to the car and take your arms away from me, so I can hold your hand and squeeze it tight like I wanna…," Meredith says in a shy voice.

"I want to be close to you Addison, but I want to wait to kiss you goodnight properly, and I won't be able to help myself if I'm cuddled right into your neck," Meredith says, as she lets go reluctantly of Addison's arms, and takes her hand in hers like she said she would.

And Addison laces her fingers in Meredith's palm, and she traces the back of Meredith's hand with her thumb.

"Let's go for a drive," Meredith suggests, and Addison follows her, without hesitation, on a journey that feels like it has only begun…

* * *

"Can you turn on the radio?" Meredith asks Addison.

Addison does, and the familiar track of "Broken" by Lifehouse starts playing.

They both hum and sing along to the lyrics.

Addison doesn't ask how Meredith knows this song.

Meredith figures Addison knows it because it's the disc from her car.

Addison tries to pull her hand away, but Meredith insists she can still drive one-handed, and Addison lets her, seeing as Meredith seems pretty skilled at that, and that she doesn't ever want to let go.

* * *

They drive over the overpass. They pass Addison's hotel, The Archfield, which, she points out to Meredith, for future reference.

Meredith gasps when she sees it, because it's far, far away from her house.

"I cannot believe you went all the way to my house then back here, that night!" Meredith exclaims to her.

"I didn't know, then, where your house or the hotel was. I would have done it anyway, but I really didn't know," Addison confesses finally to Meredith.

And the whole way they drive the familiar route, Addison and Meredith are reliving their first cab drive together, over the roads, past the stop signs and stoplights.

Meredith remembers Addison having had buckled her in.

Addison remembers having propped up Meredith's head so she wouldn't get whiplash.

"You know, I sort of remember you crawling in beside me, on that drive home," Meredith says to her, finally.

"Yeah?" Addison asks her, a bit surprised.

"It's all coming back to me. After you confessed to me, it's all coming back to me now," Meredith smiles.

"Are you glad you remember now?" Addison asks a bit insecurely.

"Of course, it's the first night we spent together," Meredith says cheerfully.

"It feels like a lifetime ago…" Addison says as if off in the distance.

* * *

"It feels like a lifetime ago, but it's been a really beautiful 'lifetime' Meredith starts to explain.

"What do you mean? That was the worst night of your life, and mine!" Addison exclaims before regretting having said that, immediately.

But Meredith understands her. Meredith usually does understand Addison, especially these days.

"It was the worst night of my life so far, I think," Meredith admits to Addison, who looks at her sadly.

"I'm-" Addison starts to apologize before Meredith squeezes her hand and asks her to stop.

"It was the worst night of my life so far… Until you showed up to catch me," Meredith finally says.

She's been wanting to tell Addison that for awhile, since she found out it was Addison who had been there to save her.

"It was the worst night of my life so far. And I thought it would be yours, too. And I didn't want it to be harder than it had to…" Addison finally admits how she wanted to 'catch' Meredith before Derek could do irreparable damage to her.

"You know, Meredith, I felt like he took pieces of me away from myself. I felt like he took away broken-bottle pieces of my spliced-up soul…" Addison explains to Meredith what she had been thinking about, all alone that night, in her hotel room.

"You know, Addison, I was thinking a similar thing at the bar. I was looking into your eyes and I felt like I was looking at invisible bruises that Derek did to you and I guess I must have recognized them in you before I saw the same thing for myself..." Meredith sighs.

"He never hit me, to be clear," Addison says to her, hoping that Meredith would say the same thing.

"Me either, of course," Meredith says, eyes wide, Addison felt the need to tell her that as if it were even an issue at all worth considering.

"You know, I think I'm remembering saying to you something like that I was 'into Derek like a train that I wanted to ride' and I'm rather embarassed about that," Meredith says all the thoughts in her head in a stream of consciousness.

"You did, sorry," Addison says to her sympathetically. "But then you said it was sort of like you were being hit by a semi by him, and I wasn't sure what to think about that," Addison says.

"You know, I'm into YOU like a train, now," Meredith says before she can close her mouth with a gasp after admitting that out loud, to Addison.

"I'm into YOU like a train now, as well," Addison chuckles.

* * *

Neither of them finishes the rest of it, the implied ' _and I wanna ride you all night long…'_ because they're trying to take it slow with each other, and saying something like that wouldn't help.

"You know, it's really lovely to be falling for someone who is falling for you right back," Meredith says to Addison, finally.

"It really is," Addison says with a weary sigh, and it makes Meredith's heart clench, knowing that it's been much, much longer that Addison has not had someone love her back, that way.

"You caught me too, you know. Literally, you caught me when I almost fell over at the vending machines," Addison smiles at Meredith.

"You're lucky I was strong enough, I didn't wanna have to get you a head CT!" Meredith exclaims, joking lightly.

"Of course you are strong enough, Meredith. You're much stronger than I am," Addison finishes.

"You're strong, Addison. You're just really gentle," Meredith whispers bittersweet nothings into the air.

And the words soothe over them, in solemn grace.

What might have once seemed like the unlikeliest of company for the two of them, seems like the most fitting of company of all to two of them, now.

* * *

"Do you wanna get snacks, Addison?" Meredith says to her cheerfully, finally thinking of a place to go on their date.

"Sure," Addison says to her, surprised she's already hungry after their dinner a few hours ago.

"Vietnamese food is sort of light," Meredith answers that question for her.

Meredith starts driving over the overpass again. She turns onto the freeway now.

And they drive faster and faster.

The acceleration seems to be mirroring the acceleration of their mutual heartbeats as they feel themselves speeding towards… _Something. Somewhere. Soon…_

* * *

Addison doesn't question Meredith's sense of direction, she enjoys the sights of Seattle, stars in the sky as she sees them pass by from the passenger's seat.

The stars suddenly seems a bit brighter now, and Addison sort of wonders why.

As it turns out, the traffic lights of the freeway are broken, so they have to stop a bunch longer at all of them as they become '4 way stops' instead of the usual intersections.

Neither of them minds though, as this gives them more time to be with each other, now.

For a while, Meredith doesn't know where she is, with a few detours that end up happening because of the broken lights further up.

She hasn't forgotten her way home, though, so they end up heading there directly, instead.

"It's alright, I have snacks at my house," Meredith says, a bit disappointed still.

"Why did you want to go buy some, then?" Addison asks her, really wondering this.

"I wanted to go to the 7 Eleven to show you off to that storekeeper…" Meredith says a bit sheepishly.

* * *

"I'm glad that you're proud of me, but I'd rather we didn't go there right now, because knowing she hit on you makes me jealous as hell," admits Addison.

"Oh, and I love what that does to you," Meredith says seductively.

Addison rolls her eyes at Meredith now, and reminds her how jealous she was when she found out that Alex and George had propositioned her for a threesome.

"Did you like it? The threesome you had with Derek and Mark?" Meredith asks her curiously.

"That was a long, long time ago, Meredith," Addison sighs, looking away and hoping that Meredith takes the hint that she doesn't want to talk about it.

"Never mind, it's not your story to tell, not when I have not even met Mark yet," Meredith takes it back right away, and Addison is extremely relieved.

Meredith sees her relax, and she squeezes Addison's hand reassuringly to let her know she didn't ever want to stress her out after all.

* * *

When they get to Meredith's house, Meredith detaches Addison's key ring from her own.

"Keys," she says, as she waits for Addison to hold out her palm so she can hand her, _her own key ring_ as she asks her to unlock the door to the house for them as she locks up the car.

It feels so familiar, a memory from before. And it also feels natural. As if they were meant to live alongside each other, in separate but parallel lives, saying things like 'keys' to each other.

Addison nods at her, selecting the correct key for the front entrance immediately, without question this time, and chuckling to herself thinking about how she'd tried all of them in the rain that first night.

Addison thumbs over Meredith's key as she likes to do. She traces that familiar "M" for Meredith over her fingers and over her thumb. She sighs as she'd really love to keep this key for herself, selfishly, just so she can have a keepsake of Meredith for herself. _(Meredith had the very key to her heart, in her hands, after all…)_

_(Maybe one day I could live here, with her, together, the two of us… Addison fantasizes…)_

"Watch the doormat!" Meredith calls out to her just as she reaches the front step.

It pulls her out of her reverie right before she does, in fact, almost reach the threshold of Meredith's house.

* * *

Addison chuckles at this, knowing that she and Meredith had both tripped over that damn welcome mat on separate occasions. She kicks off her high heels onto the doormat with a thump before setting them aside neatly so that Meredith won't trip on them on her way into the house.

Before Addison enters the house fully and she shuts the door behind her silently she glances her eyes around to see if she can sense any traces of Meredith's roommates roaming about the hallways or between their rooms or around with one another.

But just like the first night, all she hears is dead silence and the birds that chirp slowly outside of Meredith's kitchen window on occasion as she kicks off her shoes to tiptoe through the ten-tonne mass of movie boxes and kitchen sets that Meredith had _still_ never moved inches since the day she signed over the house to herself.

She hangs her coat up on Meredith's coat rack, and rolls her eyes in amusement at the pile of a bunch of coats that sits on the floor next to it.

Addison makes a beeline to check on the potted plant in the kitchen. She sees that it's still wilted a bit, so she goes to get a glass of water from the familiar cupboard to water it.

* * *

She gets another glass of water for herself, and sets one out for Meredith on two separate coasters she's found on the counter.

Addison sits down by the counter and starts to drink her own as she waters the plant with a glass.

She does this slowly, as she caresses the knots out of the plant's roots as she lets the hydration sink in.

Addison is careful not to knock it over _again_ , as she tends to each of the leaves and the roots and the vines and the flowers. Addison talks to the plant a bit absently, as she did that first night. She says to it words of encouragement. Words she's not ready to tell Meredith, just yet.

"You're so wonderful. I'm so glad to have you in my life. Crashing into you has been the best thing that's happened so far since Seattle. I think I'm falling in love… I might already be in love with you..."

Addison allows her hushed whispers to fall over the flowers as she runs her fingers over the still queer-as-heck plant whose extremities extend in every which way and direction and whose roots are even kinkier than before when Addison had first touched them and made them that way more.

She chuckles to herself, and the plant, softly, laughing out loud at the thought that the plant was 'as straight as she is, and Meredith is', in that it simply is no longer straight at _all_ , and probably never was to begin with.

Addison continues to chatter with the plant for a moment, albeit with less incriminating things as she's expecting Meredith to walk in at any moment.

* * *

Meredith parks Addison's car in the parking lot properly, because she'd let Addison off right in front of it.

Meredith smiles that Addison trusts her to drive her own car. She's still holding Addison's whole key set, including the desk key.

Meredith decides to herself that as long as this goes well, which she thinks it will, she'll give Addison her keys back soon so that she can eventually discover her mystery disc she has left in her office.

She swipes her fingers and her thumb over the ignition key to Addison's jet black Mercedes as she locks the doors shut (and checks them twice just to be sure!).

Meredith thumbs over Addison's desk key as she likes to do. She traces that familiar "A" for Addison over her fingers and over her thumb. She sighs as she'd really love to keep this key for herself, selfishly, just so she can have a keepsake of Addison for herself. _(Addison had the very key to her heart, in her hands, after all…)_

She walks slowly to the threshold of her mother's house which is now hers, as she minds the doorstep and the welcome mat as she walks into the house, the door already unlocked but just shut gently by Addison.

Meredith smiles as she sees all the signs that Addison is here in her house.

She smiles when she sees Addison's shoes in the corner, as she places her sneakers and puts her own next to them.

She grins widely when she sees Addison's coat on the coat rack she never uses, as she places her own on the floor next to Izzie, George, Alex and Cristina's.

* * *

Meredith tiptoes in, not to disturb the rather… _intimate..._ Conversation Addison is currently having with her potted plant.

She just watches for a few minutes. She watches Addison's absent-minded chatter as she caresses the leaves and the flowers and the roots and the vines of the plant.

She sees Meredith treat her plant tenderly, like a crowned jewel, and she swoons a bit, thinking that Addison is looking and caring for the plant with the exact same tender expression she usually reserves just for Meredith, herself.

She's not jealous of the plant, obviously, it's not that at all. She's just thinking it's sort of an 'out of body' experience to see Addison care that much for something of _hers_ , sort of as a 'stand-in' for herself, Meredith thinks almost. Like a metaphor or a simile? Meredith isn't sure.

Either way, the imagery is stunning as she watches this person she really already loves, dearly, in such a relaxed and natural state in her kitchen.

Meredith starts to walk toward her, sliding in the chair that Addison is motioning to her with her eyes that she's pulled out for her.

_(God, pulled-out chairs and everything. She really is my 'knight in shining… whatever' Meredith thinks of Addison as she sits down beside her…)_

_(God, driving for us both tonight and paying for dinner and everything. She really is my 'knight in shining… whatever' Addison thinks of Meredith at the same time…)_

* * *

"Youre-"

"Youre-"

Both of them interrupt each other and say something like "jinks!" before they say "double jinks!" and then "triple jinks!" Before they inevitably burst into laughter.

Just like the first time Addison had seen Meredith laugh so hard at something funny, the laughing vibrates deep into their chests now and if there had been a ten-tonne stack of bricks that had hit them over the head earlier at least now it might feel like at least a few of them had been lifted up and away.

As the laughter drifted off at its natural end, some of the sadness returned to their faces but not every once of it.

But the frown doesn't form on Meredith's face this time. This time, Meredith's face is washed of the sadness she's experienced momentarily as she smiles up at Addison, again.

And Addison smiles at her, too.

"We still have to actually feed the plant, if you want to do that together. We were going to do that the other day but we went back to the hospital. And I never came back to the house the other night because we slept at the hospital," Meredith explains to her.

"I'd love to feed the plant with you," Addison says enthusiastically.

"Thanks!" Meredith responds, equally enthusiastically.

"I'm very fond of both you and your plant," Addison says to Meredith, tenderly.

"I'm very fond of both you and how much you love my plant," Meredith says to Addison, equally tenderly.

* * *

"I do, I really do love, love- Uh, _your potted plant_ …" Addison stops herself from saying you-know-what to Meredith too early.

"I do really love _my potted plant_ , too, and how much _you_ _love my potted plant,_ " Meredith says equally, matching Addison's phrasing and Addison's tone.

They both feel it means more when they say it, and they both feel it means more when they hear it.

But they don't dare ask about that, not wanting to make this too serious.

* * *

So eventually Meredith recovers, and has an idea for Addison.

"What if it can be your plant, too? What if we can take care of it together. Like, a _shared plant_ ," Meredith says to her.

"Umm?" Addison motions to continue her train of thought.

"You take care of this plant as much as I do. You can come visit _our_ plant whenever you want to, y'know and you can help water it and feed it and untangle the roots like you do so well…" Meredith trails off, hoping Addison will understand what she's offering and want to accept.

_('Oh! She's saying this so she's giving me an invitation to come to her house more often' Addison finally lets it sink in. Wow, that's so clever and shy and beautiful and 'oh, so, Meredith'...)_

_('Right, so you're gonna say yes, right? To the plant?')_

_('Right! Alright brain, let me participate now in the actual conversation!')_

* * *

"I'd love to, ah, take care of your plant with you. I'll help you water it and feed it and untangle the roots with you and for you whenever you need me to," Addison smiles at her.

Meredith looks visibly relieved at this, knowing Addison wants to be a bigger part of - (ahem) - her potted plant's life - (and in turn, her own!).

"Here, I'll get that plant food out, I'm a bit taller," Addison jumps up, reaching high on the shelf where they'd stored it the other day after picking up Thai food and rushing off to the hospital before it all got cold.

Meredith watches with happiness and interest as Addison extends her long body all the way to her tiptoes to pull the box out.

She's still taller than Meredith, by a half-a-foot at least, but she's shorter than usual without her high heels on.

And she's still the formidable enigma that Addison has always been to her.

She's got luscious curves, a generous shape. Legs that go for miles and miles… An upper-body that's toned and hair is just magical…

Meredith purrs a bit to herself while admiring Addison.

She's just about staring at Addison's ass again as Addison gets the final box off of the shelf and moves away from the shelf to put it alongside the counter.

* * *

"I can feel you staring, it's alright though, I think I really like it" Addison smiles at Meredith.

"What can I say? You're amazing to watch," Meredith's voice doesn't even catch one little bit, and Addison is extremely impressed at this.

"Ah, as are you, Meredith," Addison says with a happy sigh and a subconscious lick of her lips.

"I was watching you the entire time in the car rides tonight. Just watching you driving my car…" Addison blushes as she realizes she's embarrassing herself.

"You don't have to be embarrassed at all, I really do love it. But then again, maybe the slight embarrassment is worth it just to see you blush all pretty like that," Meredith grins.

"Mm, you are the one who is pretty when you blush."

"Oh yeah?" Meredith challenges.

"What are you gonna do to make me blush?" Meredith says.

"Hmm, well, I'm going to let myself stare at your chest and not feel one bit guilty about it, now that we _are_ on a _date_ ," Addison husks.

* * *

"You felt guilty about staring at my boobs before we were dating?" Meredith questions, surprised.

"Well, yeah," Addison says. "Why?" She asks Meredith.

"Well, now I feel like such a slut for staring at your fine ass at every opportunity since ever," Meredith smirks are her, evoking another blushing reaction from Addison.

"Well, it's different, I was married for the longest time," Addison reminds her.

"Right, staring at the mistress over your husband's shoulder, probably something that would make one feel guilty," Meredith laughs.

"I don't actually think of you as they mistress' because you really didn't know about me, then," Addison says to her gently.

"Does that turn you on though? Calling me 'Meredith the little Mistress'? Even a little bit?" Meredith narrows her eyes at Addison, who blushes profusely.

"Umm." Addison doesn't know a polite way to answer that.

"Mm, I am so winning at this whole blushing game…" Meredith purrs.

* * *

_('Damn how did this twenty-something year old get such a good flirting game?' Addison wonders)_

_('She seduced your ex-husband who is probably gay' her thoughts deadpan to her.)_

_('Ugh, don't remind me of Derek, I'm SO over him' Addison thinks at her thoughts)_

_('Do you have a clever comeback for me? Brain come ON!' Addison yells at herself internally.)_

_('How about back to the basics of complimenting her again' her thoughts suggest to her…)_

"You know, you really do look nice in that top," Addison husks confidently, lowering her voice.

That, at least, raises a pink color to Meredith's cheeks.

The small win makes Addison smile smugly as Meredith's mouth opens at a loss for words for a second.

Her blue eyes darken a shade and in turn, Addison's eyes darken as well.

* * *

"You do know how to treat a lady, look at you, learning quickly," Meredith grins.

"Learning from one and only," Addison snaps right back at her, proud at having a quick and witty comeback.

"Ah, and she's ever so smart, isn't she…" Meredith husks now, complimenting Addison in the third person.

Normally, the objectification would be maddening. But the words falling from Meredith's lips are undeniably sexy.

"Why don't we feed the plant, before we forget," Addison suggests.

_(Because SHE might forget if Meredith keeps flirting so hard.)_

"Good idea, says Meredith, smiling as she rips the tab off of the plant food and reads the instructions.

Addison watches as she bites her lip just a tiny bit as she reads, and she finds it very cute, and very Meredith.

"Okay, so we mix it with water, and water the plant, and mix in the soil," Meredith reads aloud for Addison once she understands the directions.

Addison moves to get the water, and Meredith grabs a measuring cup.

They prepare the mixture and Meredith pours in the water as Addison mixes up the soil all around the roots.

It's a nice moment, all domestic and homey. Addison never considered herself much of a homemaker before.

Her mother would have _loved_ for her to be a so-called 'trophy wife'. But Addison was focused on her career, and she was happy with that.

But now, with Meredith, she enjoyed this activity and the way Meredith was sharing the part of her life - her potted plant - with her.

* * *

It was as if they were creating life and keeping it going. Reinvigorating, rekindling, reigniting…

Addison thinks of a million adjectives to describe the feeling, but she fails to find the right one.

And she stops thinking so hard when she sees Meredith just watching her.

"Your hands are so talented and gentle and precise. I want to have surgeon hands, just like you," Meredith says to her.

"You will, Grey. You will," Addison promises, in a professional assessment but also in the assessment of Meredith's character to work hard for what she wants.

"It's good that we're feeding this plant. The poor thing hasn't had any nourishment since before that day we both knocked it over. I'm not sure when before it, but it's been a while. I know plants are resilient, but still, I hate to neglect it, even by accident," Meredith sighs as she places the measuring cup on the counter.

"Do you feel guilty about asking me to leave it that night?" Addison asks her, somehow sensing she remembers it.

"I didn't want to trouble you more than you already did for me," Meredith explains to her.

"It wasn't a problem. I just saw it there and it looked all bent and bruised and hurt and alone and I just…"

Addison almost tears up at the memory but stops herself first.

"You didn't want it to end up forgotten, in plain sight, in the house. Trampled over, knocked over, but in plain sight and ignored..." Meredith finishes this for Addison.

* * *

"I-" Addison stutters because she locks eyes with Meredith, who has… Some kind of unreadable expression in her eyes.

"You didn't want _me_ to end up forgotten, that's why you came to the bar that night. You didn't want me to become like you were," Meredith finally says it, and Addison starts to quiver again.

"You know, that first time, when I told you 'good girl' for not taking Derek back, I guess, I promise I wasn't thinking about wanting him for myself. I didn't know all that much about you, but I didn't want him to not fully love you like he didn't fully love me," Addison says softly.

"I know. I figured that out when you stood up for me on that first day. When you said to that patient 'I don't have the class or patience that Doctor Grey has, so let me set the record straight; My husband didn't cheat on me, I cheated on him, so the wronged woman here- is Doctor Grey," Meredith quotes that from memory.

"I don't think I could recite that speech myself again," Addison says, rather bewildered.

"I never forgot that. I never forgot what you said. I didn't know you well enough to bring it up until now, and I never thanked you for it properly. So thank-you," Meredith says looking up.

* * *

"And thank you, you know, for offering me that seat next to you. You didn't have to do that part, either. I know I seem like the 'hero' in the story here, but if I hadn't found you to drink with that night, I had no one in Seattle, and I might have gone home with who-knows-who," Addison sighs.

"Well, I'm glad you never ended up with someone more cute than me," Meredith says, lightening the mood a bit.

"I don't think I could have done better than you. I couldn't have…" Addison says honestly.

* * *

"You are so cute when you're complimenting me," Meredith says, bobbing Addison on the nose with the tip of her finger.

Addison wants to do the same but her fingers are covered in soil, so she just smiles up at Meredith.

"It's okay, you know. To need to need someone. To need someone to be there for you, too. It's okay,' Meredith says to Addison seriously.

"Thanks, Meredith," Addison tries to take those words to heart.

"I know you're used to taking care of people. I'm grateful for all you did for Derek for over a decade. I'm just saying, if you know, you're sticking around with me beyond our first-date thing, you don't have to do it all on your own again," Meredith says to her sweetly, now brushing Addison's shoulder.

"I'm terrified to accept help, because I'm scared I'll start to depend on it and it'll all go away. Not that I think that you'll leave me, but I'm scared it'll make me less strong," Addison admits to Meredith.

"Being taken care of and letting down your armor doesn't make you less strong, it just means you have more energy in your tank to give yourself and give others," Meredith says to her wisely.

"You know, when I saw the plant there, I was thinking about you, but I was thinking about me, too. I was thinking about how Derek would leave me in the house after a fight, and just look the other way," Addison finally digs deeper into her memory.

"I'm really sorry, you know. You didn't deserve that," Meredith, again, apologizes for sins that aren't hers.

"Thanks, Meredith," Addison says to her because she has nothing else to say to that.

* * *

"So I guess, if we're drawing the parallels here, you took care of the plant in the same way you'd take care of yourself, and me, despite someone saying to you that you didn't have to, just because you couldn't bear to see it so broken?" Meredith asks her, finally.

"I guess so. And look at the plant now, your- OUR- plant is flourishing. I was so happy to see it growing when we came to your house to pick up that cake.

"I guess I should have known, then, or could have had more of a hint that you were remembering things when you were in my house taking care of the plant, then. You just really were really staring at it a lot. I thought you were _really into plants_ the first time, but then you weren't that into the other plants at the hospital, so I guess I never quite pieced it together," says Meredith.

"There were a million reasons I thought you'd have figured all of this out sooner, and each of them started to give me a heart attack and apparently go pale as a ghost," Addison groans at herself.

"Hmm, well, mysteries are always easier to see clues in once you already know the answer. I thought for sure you'd have known I was your 'secret admirer' right away, but apparently you had doubts for a while," Meredith quips back.

"Yeah, I didn't think of you right away, I guess because I didn't think you would have needed to do things for me in secret if you were already flirting sort of overtly," Addison shrugs at her.

"Who knows, I guess I like to keep some secrets, too. Must be the dark & twisty thing with me," Meredith shrugs back at Addison.

"You know, the dark and twisty McMeredith thing really intrigues me. I guess I'm drawn to things that are darker. It makes me feel less insane," Addison says and realizes this might not make sense.

"I think it's stupid sometimes to admit how much that I'm drawn to your commanding voice in the O.R, but I am. I really, _really_ am all the damn time. I watch you in surgeries and your commanding voice is so sexy. It's rather embarrassing how 'hot-for-teacher,' I am. And you are a _very_ good teacher..." Meredith groans at herself out loud.

"Yeah, you kinda do have a type going on… You're into your superiors. You're into Attending physicians. You're into people once named 'Doctor Shepherd', apparently, even…" Addison laughs, and Meredith catches on and it's nice they can finally be light about how they once met.

* * *

"You know, Cristina once said the same thing to me, ages ago, in the gallery while I was watching you operate. She called you the 'She-Shepherd' and I said you wouldn't be the 'She-Shepherd' if you divorced the 'He-Shepherd' so she should lay off it. It got me thinking about it, though," Meredith laughs.

"Cristina is going to be _horrendously smug_ that I ended up falling for you, for real," Addison exclaims once she realizes this.

"Oh, yeah. She's going to be _awful_ , but to both of us. You'll see. She won't stop teasing us forEVER. But at least we can tease Cristina and Izzie together, right?" Meredith fishes again for Addison to confirm that they're going to go out more.

"Absolutely. You know, she said something about ship names and I think we should come up with one for them. But their names are a bit different so I don't know," Addison says.

"Yeah, it's difficult. Cristie? That sounds like a chip or a cookie. Crizzie?" Meredith tries.

"Izzina?" Addison starts with Izzie's name first. "Izza?" Addison tries omitting a lot of letters.

"Maybe we could start a fan poll, and see what Alex and George say," Meredith laughs at it all.

* * *

"Oh, god. What are people going to call _us_?" Addison groans loudly.

And Meredith tries not to physically jump for joy when Addison confirms implicitly that they're an 'us' for sure, for sure.

"Well, it's not for us to figure out, that's _their problem_ ," Meredith says to Addison.

"That is, if you're okay with us being… "A couple" or "girlfriends" or "partners" or "significant others" in public, I mean, I can understand if you want to keep it low-key given that you're an Attending and literally everyone always talks about us both all the damn time already, but I want you to know that I'm not ashamed about who I am, and I'm not ashamed I wanna BE WITH YOU, and if I can have you like this… I want the whole world to know…" Meredith smiles at Addison, now.

"I'd never be ashamed of you. I know it's going to look a little weird, I mean we could be a Seattle Grace Tabloid headline by now. "New York Bred neurosurgeon, Derek Cristopher Shepherd's ex-wife has begun dating his former ex-mistress/girlfriend Meredith, in the wake of their divorce from a marriage of 11 years which ended bitterly in separation due to Addison's adultery…" Addison announces to Meredith.

"Does that bother you? Do you want to keep 'us' a secret?" Meredith asks her, seriously, now.

"No, I don't, and I know maybe this is way too soon because we're not through our first date yet, but I don't want to see other people, and so even if we're going to move slowly with each other and explore this relationship further, I guess I'm asking already if you want to be… Exclusive…" Addison finally articulates clearly.

* * *

"Oh, definitely. We can go slow as you need to with the physical and emotional stuff, but exclusive for sure. The thought of you allowing someone else to hit on you drove me up the damn wall before, but now that we're dating it would make me punch someone out for _real_ , probably." Meredith confirms to her.

"I promise I am good at commitment, Meredith, I mean I know my track record is sort of shit but I would never want to hurt you in the way I did Derek…" Addison says to her vulnerably.

"Oh, I'm going to make sure you never need to look anywhere else to get what you need from someone, emotionally or sexually. All I want is to please you and satisfy you, Addison. And I want to beat out Mark Sloan and Derek Shepherd and whoever the hell you screwed before me." Meredith says all possessively, but again, in such a sweet and caring way.

"Okay, okay, okay, I get it, wow. Hot. Holy shit. Well, I guess that we can be… More than friends together, now, right?" Addison asks hopefully.

"Right," Meredith smiles up at Addison with a ten-gazillion-watt smile she reserves just for her.

"Right, and I mean, also I think the plant could use a rest from your working it's soil over and over," Meredith points to Addison's subconscious actions with a short laugh and hands Addison a paper towel to cover her hands while she walks to the sink.

"It looks much, much better than before," Meredith says as she watches the plant for a moment.

* * *

"I'm glad, it really does look like it's thriving now," Addison says with a smile.

"It sure does. I guess it gets weary and worn down when it is thirst and hungry and hasn't been fed for a while," Meredith says.

"I think it's more than the water and food. I think just being there, feeding it, I think it's nurturing its mind and soul, not just the body, or at least I like to think of it that way," Addison says philosophically.

"That's really, really sweet with the metaphors," Meredith smiles at her. "And I think there's more to it as well. It's good that you're thinking about it so much, I mean, we ARE sharing the potted plant now," Meredith grins.

Addison expertly raises her hands in the air, in the same way, she would in an O.R on the way to wash them, so she doesn't get soil on any other surface, and Meredith smiles at this familiar motion.

Meredith waits until Addison arrives at the sink before she presses her whole body into Addison's from behind, the same way she wanted to, ages ago, by the vending machines, and now she finally could.

"You know, I do love it when I see you getting your hands dirty," Meredith says to her in a sultry voice, as Addison feels Meredith's hot breath on her neck and the goosebumps run up her whole body before Meredith pulls back an inch.

"Mm, and I like to see _you_ getting your hands wet," Addison comes up with this quickly and she's super proud of it and it shows all over her face.

"Mm, I bet you really, really do…" Meredith smiles into the flirting and continues to banter with Addison.

* * *

And Addison is really _really_ enjoying the banter.

It's been so long since she's just… _flirted_ with someone she's all but forgotten how.

"It's such a shame it's been so long since someone's had this much fun hitting on you," Meredith says to her sweetly, while also reading Addison's mind.

"I've missed it," Addison says plainly, and Meredith can see the heartbreak sear through Addison's eyes before she shuts her emotions away instinctively.

"You don't have to hide it from me, when you're hurting," Meredith says to her tenderly.

"Oh," Addison says, surprised that Meredith noticed that.

"Yeah," Meredith confirms the look that Addison had given her.

"You look a bit worn down, are you alright?" Meredith asks her tenderly again.

"Yeah, tired, I guess. Long day," Addison sighs, remembering the pressure of the surgeries.

"Here," Meredith offers, gesturing that she's going to give Addison a backrub.

* * *

"Don't say you don't like this, I know that you do," Meredith says, knowingly, of course.

She walks closer to Addison and lays her hands on her shoulders and starts rubbing the sore muscles of Addison's neck.

Addison sighs into the massage and closes her eyes as she feels the soft warmth of the water over her hands, and the warm touch of Meredith's fingers, carssing her bare tender flesh.

"Meredith, how do you feel about telling people about us? I have thoughts on it but I want to hear yours, first," Addison asks her as Meredith keeps up her massage.

"Well, I think we should come clean to the Chief. Derek didn't do that and Richard Webber got mad, but that was also because Derek was cheating on you and I didn't know that at the time, so I don't think he'll be as mad about you seeing me, now… He took it better when Bruke was seeing Cristina, and that never worked out for them but at least they were honest" Meredith begins.

"And we gotta tell Bailey, because she'll give me hell if she finds out through Izzie and Cristina that I'm seeing you, and you're seeing me and we never told her first. I think we should tell her, even before Richard Webber, because she's sort of like my mom who's not my mom and she deserves to know," Meredith says.

"And then Doctor Webber, because I do have to say we both have a lot to lose, professionally, I mean, if we don't come clean right away and get their approval," Addison says wisely.

"Yeah, I mean I don't wanna get you in trouble or anything… I mean, not _professionally_ I mean, trouble in the bedroom, well, that's up to you if you're into that kind of stuff…" Meredith waggles her eyebrows at Addison all suggestively.

Addison bites her tongue to contain a moan at the thought, and Meredith starts imagining all the kinky sex things she's just going to have to show Addison.

After they come clean to their work, and once they get to that point in their relationship, of course.

* * *

"How are we gonna tell _Derek_ about ' _us'_?" Meredith asks Addison, suddenly terrified.

"Umm," Addison says, a bit embarrassed. "I don't think he's going to be as surprised as you think," Addison starts to say.

"Oh, God, I mean I did tell him the other day that I fucked myself thinking of you," Meredith looks wide-eyed as she remembers this.

"Umm, he might have known before that, because the night I got a divorce I talked with him about having a crush on you," Addison says, blushing profusely again.

"Oh my God, really! I mean, that's very cute. I'm glad I wasn't the only one pining at that point. That makes me feel like so much less of a whore, Meredith says to her in relief.

"You were not the only one with a crush. If anything, I'm a bigger whore for having a thing for my ex-husband's dirty blonde lusty intern while I was still married to him," Addison groans.

* * *

What can I say, I have a thing for Doctor Shepherd's, and Doctor Shepherd's have a thing for me, too," Meredith says all mock-boastfully.

"If you ever meet any of Derek's siblings, I will have to warn them in advance of that fact, and make sure they don't get too attached to you," Addison says to her half-mockingly, but also seriously.

"Derek has siblings?" Meredith asks curiously. "I didn't even know that," Meredith shrugs.

"Oh, yeah. I guess I'm sorry he never told you that specifically. You'd like them, really, I think. I still consider them _my_ sisters also, even now. There's Nancy and Liz and Kathleen and the baby Amelia. Four sisters, all doctors. So four more Doctor Shepherd's I'd have to worry myself over if you ever meet them and they're around you and like you," Addison says jokingly.

"Well, here's the thing, I don't think you gotta worry so much over that, because technically, I mean, I once _had_ a thing for Doctor Shepherds'… But NOW I only have a thing for super-hot redhead double-board-certified-neonatal-and-fetal-OBGYN-surgeon-and-researcher Doctor Montgomery's… Meredith says as she brings her lips even closer to Addison's ear as she whispers this lowly.

"Well I am so, so glad that you said all of that so I don't have to worry about you ever meeting and subsequently falling for my brother, Archer Montgomery," Addison says with a laugh.

"I'm not gonna screw your brother on you, Addison. That would be weird…" Meredith promises.

"Good, and if you ever have any magical siblings appear out of nowhere, I promise I won't fall for them and/or screw them, ever, either," Addison says to Meredith reciprocally.

"I'm an only child?" Says Meredith.

"Well, just theoretically I mean. On principle. I mean, apparently these things kind-of happen to you, given that your boyfriend ended up having a previously nonexistent wife," Addison jokes with her.

"Yeah, right. But I feel like I'd know if I had like, a secret sister or two or three lying around, I mean, wouldn't I?" Meredith quirks.

"Probably," Addison concludes...

"I'm just telling you, you don't have to worry no matter what," Addison says to her sweetly with a bit of chuckle which Meredith eventually joins in on as their laughs fill the whole room with the happy sound...

* * *

"Good," Meredith accepts this answer from Addison. "Right back at 'ya."

"So we can tell the whole world after that? I can show you off to anyone and everyone, even eventually to my actual mother Ellis Grey and my actual father Thatcher Grey if you ever end up being at the same place at the same time with me and them?" Meredith asks her.

"Sure. And I get to show you off to all my friends, even the ones from LA and New York if you ever meet them, and to my mother Bizzy Forbes and my father 'The Captain' Montgomery if they ever come to town or we go on vacation, together," Addison promises her.

"Does your father have a name that isn't 'The Captain'?" Meredith asks her.

"If he does, I don't know it," Addison laughs.

"We have such strange parents," Meredith laughs.

"We do, you know that was the first thing we sort of bonded over that first night," Addison laughs.

"Right! Our mommy-issues talk!" Meredith remembers. "And the daddy-issues talk in the same bathroom at Joe's…" Meredith says to her.

"Okay, if we're going to keep the dating-vibe up and I'm not going to feel weird and ill about all of this, I'm gonna ask us to talk about other things than so-called 'mommy-issues' and 'daddy-issues' Addison asks her.

"And my uncle-Richard-shaped-issues we can't forget those!" Meredith jokes with her.

"Ah, I have my own Susan-Grant-shaped-issues, she was my lovely nanny growing up, she felt like family? I'm just trying to relate, and open up to you more about my life that's all," Addison laughs alongside her.

"Why don't we move this massage to somewhere cozier, and we can talk about us and not other people," Meredith finally asks Addison with a squeeze of Addison's triceps.

"That sounds like a fine idea, Meredith," Addison smiles into her reassuring squeeze.

* * *

And with that, Addison dries off her hands on the towel before Meredith leads her to sit down again on the chair with her knees hanging over the side of it so Meredith can press her whole front into Addison's back.

"Ohh," Addison calls out for Meredith as soon as she starts this.

Addison doesn't try as hard to contain the sounds that she's making, because they're alone now, and not in a scrub room, and she's not married, and she's on an actual _date_.

For all intents and purposes, feeding a plant is a weird sort of first-date but somehow it suits them. _Them_. They were becoming 'an item' now, not that Addison's heard anyone say it that way since she was a lot younger than now.

And Meredith's fingers are working their way into her back, and her thumbs are working circles around her tight knots.

And she just loves to be handled this way, especially by Meredith Grey.

Addison never wants Meredith to stop doing this, never wants her to stop taking her pain away.

Meredith takes a lot of Addison's pain away, these days, it seems.

"I can feel you thinking so hard," Meredith coos into her, bringing Addison back to the present.

"Mm, was just thinking about how nice your fingers feel on me," Addison says dreamily.

"Mm, I just love handling your body. You are definitely McHot," Meredith purrs.

* * *

"Who called me that first anyway?" Addison inquires.

Meredith pulls a bit on Addison's hair before she answers.

"Alex Karev. And George O'Malley agreed. But if you mention that to anyone ever again including to me I'll be really upset about it, because I wish I'd have come up with it first," Meredith grunts in a huff.

"Alright, easy McMeredith. No need to give me a bald spot at 39!" Addison exclaims at her.

"God, you're so hot I would have never guessed 39!" Meredith exclaims to her.

"You never knew that?" Addison says, rather surprised.

"It's not really polite to ask a woman's age. And I didn't want to be like 'hey Derek how old is your hot ex-wife because I want to know if it's socially appropriate for me to seduce her," Meredith laughs.

"We're lucky, half of 39 is 19.5 plus 7 is 26," Addison adds in her head.

"You really think that's a rule?" Meredith asks her.

"For sure. I added it up as soon as I knew how old YOU were," Addison shrugs, then blushes to realize what that implies.

"I'm so glad you solved a mathematics problem so you could seduce _me_ , Meredith grins at Addison, rewarding her with a lovely deep massage of her trap muscles.

"Yeah, it was probably the easiest part of seducing you," Addison smiles and also sighs at all the Goddamnned other things she went through, mostly the self-denial and gay-panic parts.

* * *

"Are you still gay panicking on me?" Meredith asks her.

"Only a little. But it's more self-denial than anything about the whole girl-on-girl-thing, I've gotten used to that part," Addison assesses herself seriously.

"What is it? Is it the age thing? The you're-an-Attending-thing? The mutual ex-Derek thing? The 'you probably knew my mother and you know the Richard Webber' thing?" Meredith asks her, whilst grasping at straws.

"All of that, in a way, I guess," Addison sighs. "Though apparently the gay thing is coming more naturally to me than I thought…" Addison reflects out loud.

"Well, I'll tell you you're doing a _great_ job at the gay thing so far, by the way. And I guess that my self-denial things with you are from feeling like a slut because I once seduced your husband, and I was literally ready to pounce on you the moment you signed your divorce papers. Plus you're learning with women so I want to go slow with you, which is hard because you're again, really hot," Meredith explains all of this while starting to rub Addison's ears with her thumbs.

"Oh, oh, that's really nice," Addison says, before she confirms to Meredith, "I promise I was listening to all that, I just really like having my ears handled."

"That's good, Addie, keep telling me what you like. Usually, I can feel it but it helps if you let me know, okay? And that's important if we're going to move forward," Meredith wisely.

"You know, I've never really talked like this with anyone about that. It's always just been a formulaic thing, that they - I mean Derek and Mark - did with me and I did with them and I never thought of it. I mean don't worry it was all consensual and all that wasn't a problem, it just wasn't the same, you know? I guess maybe for boys-and-girls you're supposed to just do what's expected of you but with women, I mean I know we're not there yet but I really don't know all that much and I'm glad we're talking because I want to be good for you and-" Addison rambles on and on and on.

"You, are SO CUTE when you ramble, you know," Meredith chuckles as she leans in, to nuzzle into Addison's neck with her chin.

* * *

"I said the same thing to you, that night. It's still true," Addison smiles at her.

"Mmhmm," Meredith hums as she keeps rubbing circles on Addison's back.

"Where are your roommates by the way? I love them, I really do but I don't know how I feel about them crashing our first date," Addison grimaces, not wanting to offend Meredith, or her friends because it IS their house, too.

"Cristina and Izzie are at Cristina's, Alex and George are at Alex's," Meredith answers that easily. "I texted them earlier about it because I didn't know what was going to happen tonight, and I wanted to be prepared for different eventualities," Meredith shrugs.

"That's really sweet of you, to think of me- you- us- like that," Addison says to her.

"Well you've never been seduced by a woman before, so I wanna make it the best experience possible," Meredith says as if this were a simple thing, though Addison can tell it means more than any joke or a competition.

"Why do I feel like we're forgetting something...?" Addison wonders aloud to Meredith Grey.

* * *

"WE NEED TO CALL JOHN THE PATIENT!" Meredith exclaims back to Addison.

"RIGHT!" Addison says to her, as she pulls out her phone, and Meredith produces her copy of the blue on blue post-it note.

"You know, I kept that blue post-it note, the one that had my name on it. I want to frame it because I have your autograph and my name in your nice curly handwriting all in one," Meredith says to Addison, then.

"Why don't I have YOUR autograph?" Addison asks her.

"Well, if you still have those post-it notes I can give it to you," Meredith shrugs. "Also I do need to give that pen back to Cristina. I think she ordered it online and it is expensive," Meredith insists to her.

"Right, we'll give Cristina her pen back," Addison says with a chuckle as she dials the number.

As she does this, she spies a text chain from a familiar number, before she hides these ones from Meredith's view.

* * *

**Text Message, 21:06, Location, Seattle**

_Cardio Goddess to Skippy Gold_

**CARDIO GODDESS**

[Yo, Skippy, enjoy your hot date. Hope you liked that Vietnamese food thank u for taking her there so I don't have to anymore.]

[You take care of our girl, Skippy. And also u totally owe me another handshake because I win you totally fell for Mer like I said you would like ages ago. Have fun but remember I will _hunt you down_ in the dead of night if u break her heart.]

[Also u better be dressed if I ever go to that house again because I don't wanna go blind from seein' my boss between my best friend's bare thighs.]

[Goodnight Skippy. Don't need to call me back right now. I'm busy with MY girlfriend u know.]

[And if it was you who suggested Italian on Bank, thanks, you have good food know-how.]

[See u round, hopefully for some cool non-McVomit babies next time.]

[Also let Mer know if u want to move in, to my spare room, we can talk about it more later.]

[Bye.]

**SKIPPY GOLD**

[Have fun, thank you Cardiogoddess, see u round as well. No promises about the babies but I'll see what I can do 4 u because she really does like that restaurant. Hi to your gf. Night.]

[Ps. THIS DATE IS GOING GREAT IF YOU WERE WONDERING. YOUR BEST FRIEND IS SO KIND TO ME AND LET ME CO-PARENT HER POTTED PLANT WITH ME, I AM SO EXCITED.]

[About the room, I'm interested but we can talk about that when we're not both on a date.]

_Skippy Gold marks all texts as "read" and mutes the conversation for 16 hours._

* * *

"Look I don't wanna pry in your business too much on your first date, just tell me that wasn't Mark or Derek you're answering RIGHT NOW and please don't lie to me," Meredith asks her tenderly.

"No, not a boy, not a past lover. Just a good friend checking in on me," Addison smiles at Meredith.

"If you want to text Cristina so she knows you're still safe you can," Addison offers gently, so Meredith won't be suspicious.

"Okay, good plan," Meredith says as she pulls out her phone, and Addison doesn't read over her shoulder to give Meredith equal privacy as she had let her have.

* * *

**Text Message, 21:22, Location, Seattle**

_Meredith 'twisted sister' Grey to Cristina 'my person' Yang_

**MEREDITH GREY**

[ADDISON IS AMAZING WE'RE ON AN ACTUAL DATE SHE SAID YES TO ME AND WE ARE HANGING OUT IN MY KITCHEN THANK YOU FOR LETTING US HAVE THE WHOLE HOUSE TO OURSELVES SHE IS SO NICE I AM SO HAPPY!]

[Ps. I'll give u your post-it notes and your pen so stop nagging me.]

[Bye have a good time with Izzie, hi from me and Addie.]

[Pps. I'll ask Addie again if she wants to be your roommate]

_Meredith Grey marks all texts as "read" and mutes the conversation for 16 hours._

* * *

"Is she doing well?" Addison asks Meredith, as if she hadn't just been texting Cristina, also.

"Yeah, she is. She's with Izzie I think," Meredith smiles.

"They're very sweet together. So different but it compliments well," Addison says.

"Yeah, you know what Cristina said to me once about them? Cristina makes Izzie feel smart and not just a 'pretty girl' who only has her looks. And Izzie makes Cristina feel attractive beyond her intelligence and career. It's a really cool thing," Meredith smiles.

"That's lovely," Addison adds. "Also, I've been thinking about being Cristina's roommate. How would you feel about that?" Addison asks her gently.

"Well, like I said it was both of our ideas. I think it would be really good for you. To move out of that hotel room, and she's a good friend of both of ours. I'll warn you, Cristina is very messy and that might drive you a bit wild sometimes. But she'll keep out of YOUR room so don't worry about that," Meredith continues.

"Are you still upset about-" Addison doesn't want to say it.

"Well, no. Not really. Only the time you called me 'not Cristina', but that being said, if you kiss her again then I might go ballistic," Meredith admits to her.

"I don't want to kiss Cristina again. Not just because of Izzie. Because… I don't…" Addison says.

_('Not when I could be kissing YOU'… Addison doesn't say. But that's what she meant by that. And she hopes Meredith reads between the lines of fear and blame to notice…)_

"I believe you," Meredith says breathlessly, in a way that Addison knows she knows she wants only HER.

_('I can tell she's thinking of kissing me, she has that look in her eye now, the same one she had when she was seeing me naked…' Meredith thinks to herself. And that's enough proof for me…')_

Addison and Meredith both look into their darkened eyes for a minute before clearing their lust to focus on the tasks at hand.

"So I think I'm going to sit down with Cristina and we'll talk about me moving in, and I think you're right, I think it will make me feel better," says Addison.

"And then we'll have a place to sneak off and make out when I visit Cristina and you're also there," Meredith says with a look of mischief, as if this had been part of her plan all along.

* * *

"Oh, shoot, I have a recent voicemail from Izzie, I better listen to that just in case," Meredith checks her phone, now, seeing the notification pop up that she must have missed, earlier, when her phone had been dead.

Addison realizes too late that this must be the message that SHE had left for Meredith on Izzie's phone that drunken night at Joe's when Meredith had left to go tend to the babies.

Addison doesn't remember all that she said but she knows she was super intoxicated, and she goes to stop Meredith with her words because she's probably going to be quite embarrassed, but she presses play before Addison can get the words out.

And she's actually quite happy when she sees the joyful tears form on Meredith's face at her drunken message...

_"call me and let me know that you're safe, and I'm so sorry and I just want to talk to you because I do want to say yes to you to go on that date because that restaurant reeeeeeealy sounds something delicious. Nothing's gonna stop us now, and I really miss you Merediffffffffff!"_

Addison plants her palm firmly into her face as she hears her completely slurring Meredith's name with an 'f' at the end of it as she didn't even know she drunkenly did until Meredith mentioned it earlier on that evening at Joe's.

"Oh. My. God." Addison exclaims as the message manager beeps to let them know that it's finally over. "I am so sorry, Meredith I didn't realize how hammered I was," Addison says wide-eyed and vulnerable again.

"It's so beautiful," Meredith gushes, as she goes to listen to it all over again, but she doesn't upon Addison's pleading request.

"Look, if you want to listen to my drunken confessions while you're alone, that's fine with me, but I don't really want to relive that pain," Addison asks for her mercy.

* * *

"You understand why I didn't kiss you that night, now, right?" Meredith finally smiles softly at her.

"Okay, yeah I totally understand why you didn't let me kiss you. I probably would have been a terrible kisser at the time while completely shit-faced," Addison groans out again.

"I highly doubt you would have been _terrible_ if you ever could be a terrible kisser at all, because I highly doubt that. And I almost let you, you know, to be quite honest. I almost let you kiss me while your breath was hot on my neck and you were about to nibble my ear, and then I pressed my forehead to yours and you started to lean in before I pulled myself away from you," Meredith admits to her, finally, in case she doesn't fully remember what happened.

"God, apparently I'm still a horny teenager on Gin and Tonics," Addison rolls her eyes at herself.

"Don't worry, I'm totally there with you. Alcohol always makes everyone look kinda porny for me, and it's so much worse when the person is _actually attractive like you are_ ," Meredith explains to Addison, then.

"Yeah. Alcohol and _really_ _hot people_ is not a good combination if one wants to keep one's clothes on," Addison sighs, as if she's giving some worldly advice she realizes she's not even that good at following, herself, now.

"This is why I didn't let myself drink that night, not at all. I was on-call, sure. But even if I wasn't, I thought about drinking and I was excited about it but if I hadn't been on call and I had seen _you_ drinking a bunch I wouldn't have had any alcohol because I wouldn't have trusted myself not to manhandle you," Meredith says in confession.

"Well, it's good to know the alcohol has a similar effect on the both of us, at least," Addison laughs.

"True," Meredith laughs along with her, as she puts her own phone away, now, and looks up at Addison's.

* * *

"Are you ready to call John-The-Patient now?" Addison asks Meredith, a bit reluctant to stop eyefucking Meredith Grey as she currently is, right now, after their previous conversation, but also knowing they need to do this before they _completely_ _forget to ever call him back like they promised they would._

"Sure am!" Meredith leans right into Addison, feeling as much of her skin as she can, enjoying her excuse to get close rather than put him on speakerphone.

Addison switches seats with Meredith, allowing her to sit down as she finally pressed 'call'.

They place the phone on the table, and Addison starts rubbing Meredith's shoulders and neck, in return for her own massage she received, as they call their cool friend from the hospital.

_***** OUTGOING CALL TO JOHN-THE-PATIENT *****  
***** INCOMING CALL FROM DOCTOR BOSS - ADDISON ADRIANNE FORBES MONTGOMERY *****_

"Hello?" John's familiar voice answers the phone, and Meredith and Addison realize he didn't have their numbers already.

"JOHN!" Meredith and Addison exclaim to him happily.

"WELL IF IT ISN'T THE LOVELY LOLLIPOP LADIES, NOW HOW IS YOUR DATE GOING," John asks them bluntly, right to the point, as always.

"How did you know it's already officially a date?" Meredith asks him, accidentally confirming this fact for him as Addison nudges her to let her know this.

"Well, the fact that you both said my name together would have given that away," John chuckles.

* * *

"If you weren't on a date tonight, I would have probably received two very sad and separate phone calls by now," John explains.

"I had my phone on loud all night, just in case," John offers to them.

"That's so sweet of you, John," Addison says to him right away.

"As I mentioned before, you two saved my life along with the others. It's the least I can offer, not that you need it, of course!" John says excitedly over the phone.

"So how did it go, Doctor Boss?" John asks openly now, knowing that if they are on a date then the truth must have come out.

"She knew already, SHE told ME," Addison admits to him.

"And how did you figure that out, Doctor Meredith?" John asks her in question.

"She was impossibly jealous when I turned down a girl who asked for my number at 7 Eleven like a week ago, and held my hand and pretended to be my girlfriend already when the storekeeper was hitting on me. But when I talked about the 'mystery man' she just winced at the 'man' part. There were other things. But mostly that," Meredith says in a grin.

"AND I HAVE A SECRET ADMIRER FOR A DATE TONIGHT!" Addison exclaims happily.

"Excellent, excellent sleuths you are. Well, I wouldn't expect any less of the folks who solved the 'case of the once-pregnant-not-pregnant-man' John explains with a smile that shows through even the phone call.

* * *

"And what about YOU?" Meredith asks, implying she wants to know about him and Raj and how Serenity is doing.

"Well, it's been lovely living with Serenity again, I lived here once when my partner was still alive, and I missed her when we lost touch. And Raj and I have been in touch, and we're likely going out as soon as my scars are healed. Luckily I need checkups anyhow at the hospital, so I can see him, then, and also pop by to see you, friends," John says.

"Yes, let us know, you have our pager numbers," Addison says to him.

"And I have a gift card for the coffee cart from Bailey, and a mug from Doctor Shepherd. Funny how these gifts ended up working together. And I listen to your CD every day!" John exclaims.

"Glad you like it," Meredith says to him, and hides a secret smile from Addison, knowing she'll probably get her own secret mixtape tomorrow.

"Oh, and the letter you wrote was lovely, Doctor Boss," John finally adds. And Addison hides a secret smile from Meredith, knowing she'll probably get her secret 'mystery letter' tomorrow.

"Well, I'll let you get back to each other's company. But let me just say if you're up for a secret gift for both of you from me for tonight, Doctor Meredith you might want to check Doctor Boss's white coat right pocket, underneath those blue post-it notes and that fancy blue pen of your friend's," John says cryptically before he says goodnight to them both, and they say goodnight to them both as they yell out a "THANK YOU, JOHN, WE MISS YOU!.

Addison hangs up the phone as Meredith runs over to the coat rack where Addison's coat is.

"Did he actually slip us a secret gift?" Addison asks her.

"OH. MY. GOD. HE DID HE TOTALLY DID!" Meredith exclaims as she reaches deep into Addison's pockets.

"What is it?" Addison asks, wondering what on earth it could possibly be.

In response, Meredith pulls out two hospital-grade lollipops John must have taken from the bucket in his room before he finally left it.

And low and behold, he knew them so well, as one of them is Cherry, and the other, is Vanilla.

* * *

Meredith prances over to Addison excitedly, placing the Vanilla lollipop in her palm, before unwrapping the Cherry one for herself.

Addison doesn't even ask if they should be eating these now. She unwraps her sucker and cannot wait for the sweet candy to caress her tongue and her lips.

Meredith, to her credit, succeeds at sticking the thing in her mouth before Addison gets there, and she moans audibly as soon as the red lollipop passes her lips.

"Mm," Meredith arches an eyebrow at Addison as she slides the whole thing into her mouth and out again.

"Is it as good as the last time, Grey?" Addison asks her, trying not to sound shaky as her eyes open wide.

"Much, much, better than both other times," Meredith continues to suck on her candy, motioning for Addison to start doing the same.

"Mm," Addison reacts to her own Vanilla lollipop. It has been hours since they'd had anything to eat, and the sweet treats were welcome on their lips and their tongues.

Addison is sitting in one of Meredith's chairs in the kitchen, now. This time her back is rested on the back of the chair, as one usually sits on chairs.

Meredith is sitting in the chair next to her, as she's leaning more and more into Addison's shoulder, to hear the delicious sounds Addison's mouth is making as she's swirling her tongue around the lollipop.

Addison is allowing Meredith to lean her head on her shoulder as Addison tucks her own head onto Meredith's as they lean on each other and lazily consume the delectable treats that are hospital lollipops.

* * *

Like many of the other things that have happened this very evening, this moment is so very 'them' and unique to their own circumstances.

Meredith's body curls into Addison's like a missing puzzle piece to her own. Addison welcomes the warmth of the smaller girl as she allows the hand that is not holding the lollipop in the mouth to rub on Meredith's thigh as Meredith sighs at the contact.

Meredith moves her own free hand to meet Addison's and cover hers. Addison senses this and flips her palm so they can hold hands as they sit there.

Just as the first time they held hands in the 7 Eleven, the sensation is completely electric. When combined with the head and neck and shoulder contact, there is a buzz of something sweet and caring, and also sensual.

Tongues swirl around suckers, Addison is moaning occasionally. Meredith is as well.

* * *

They no longer need to pretend that it's all innocent.

They know exactly what they are doing for each other, and they're no longer holding back a bit.

Meredith looks up at Addison with her head still resting on the taller woman's shoulder. She's smiling up as if she's in awe she's allowed to be this close to her, finally.

And Addison is looking at her endearingly as if she's in awe she's been chosen so fervently by someone who cares about her so much.

It's peaceful, soothing, really.

And at the same time, it's erotic.

It's alive, it's very alive.

The moment, now, it's building up to something.

It's leading up to the finale, to something they've been waiting for for a long time.

Meredith jokingly pretends to 'make out' with her lollipop, for Addison's benefit, just as she did that first time.

But this time, unlike the last time…

This time there's no one daring her but herself, and Addison's hungry eyes egging her on...

* * *

Addison can sense the lust in the air as she watches Meredith making popping sounds over that lollipop as it shrinks in size and starts dyeing Meredith's mouth Cherry red.

Addison is growing restless and hot in her skin as she feels Meredith holding her hand tighter and pressing both of their palms into her hip.

Meredith can see Addison all hot and wanting again, just like the first time she did this, the first time she discovered that Addison lusted over her, before Addison even fully understood it for herself.

Meredith can see how Addison's eyes are darkening even more, and she's sure if she were looking in a mirror right now, that hers would be showing the very same.

Meredith can inhale the vanilla from off of Addison's lollipop from where she's sitting so close to her. Combined with Addison's natural scent of brown sugar and spice, Meredith is overwhelmed with all senses of this very sexual being in front of her.

As she's mentioned before, Addison is a sex goddess and it's plain as day to see. And now this redhead is nuzzling her head into her hair and the vibrations from her groans as she devours the Vanilla lollipop with teeth and her tongue are reverberating through her entire being into Meredith's body, and it's making her shiver.

* * *

"Are you cold?" Addison feels her shiver and asks in a semi-curious, semi-concerned tone.

"Yes," Meredith smirks at her, and puts the sucker in her mouth and holds it in with her teeth as she crawls fully onto Addison's lap so Addison is cradling her against the back of her chair.

Luckily, the chairs are braced against the kitchen counter, so they won't be tipping over.

Meredith is draped like a princess inside of Addison's arms, and she continues to suckle her lollipop as Addison does hers, while holding the blonde girl for dear life.

The weight of Meredith's hips against Addison's own is increasing the pressure on Addison's lower body and the physical contact of their bodies pressed so close in this way is causing Addison's heart rate to accelerate even more.

Meredith can feel her heart as well as Addison's start to beat-beat-beat right out of their chests as she allows her hands to roam to Addison's shoulders and to cling around Addison's neck.

"Mm, mm," Addison moans out, appreciating Meredith's hands around her body but unable to speak with the sucker still inside of her mouth.

"Mmhmm," Meredith smirks in response, signaling she's enjoying Addison's arms draped all around her shoulders and waist, and Addison's head nuzzling into her softly.

Meredith can feel Addison Montgomery's chin against the tip-top of her head, and it makes her giggle as she feels she lays her head on Addison's collarbone as she slurps up the shrinking Cherry lollipop she still has inside of her mouth.

Addison nuzzles her even more, wrapping her arms tighter and clinging on to Meredith Grey for dear life as she holds onto reality, because this moment feels more than surreal. It's such a culmination and Addison has to pinch herself to make sure she's not dreaming this up…

* * *

"Addison are you hurting yourself!?" Meredith pulls out her sucker at once when she sees Addison pinching her own hands.

"No, I mean, I guess I'm pinching myself, but not in a self-harming way! I promise you, I don't do that, just so you know for sure… I would tell you if I did, by the way...I just wanted to make sure I'm not dreaming about this all happening. I don't want something amazing to happen and not remember it all when I wake up," Addison explains to Meredith's extremely concerned eyes, as she watches the expression soften into gentle relief.

"I think I'm dreaming, too. But not because I think I'm asleep, but I think it's too good to be true… Because I'm with YOU. I'm finally with you and just you, and you want me, and I want you back, and we're here in my kitchen and sucking on suckers and it's just…" Meredith rambles on and on as Addison looks at Meredith like she's ' _The Sun...'_

"It's just magic. It's magical, it's it. It's you, and it's me and... It's always you…" Addison starts to say. "It's always been you, for me. All along, I just didn't know it for the longest time, but now… It's not him, it's you. And I'm glad." Addison concludes as Meredith looks at Addison and decides that she's definitely no-longer-named-Shepherd, but she's still very much her ' _Ms. McDreamy…'_

"Okay, well I'm going to pinch myself now as well to make sure I'm not dreaming. And I don't self-harm either, and I'd tell you also, if I did…" Meredith promises and Addison smiles approvingly at this statement. Meredith pinches her hand and then says "ow" to herself as Addison laughs as she yelps at herself and finally Meredith says "I'm so, so, so glad I'm not dreaming and that I'm not making this up!"

* * *

"Yeah, I mean 'dream you' was probably extremely sexy, but I'm almost glad I don't remember it because then I get to experience 'real you' firsthand," Addison implies sexually.

"I had some pretty naughty dreams about you, too, you know," Meredith finally admits sheepishly to Addison. "I remember them, though, and I like to think of that sometimes, but it's nothing compared to YOU in real life," Meredith grins up at Addison.

"What did you dream about?" Addison asks her curiously.

"Ah-" Meredith blushes as she moves to just suck on her lollipop for a second to compose herself.

"Come on, Meredith. I mean you got to experience me _screaming your name_ , as you say, so I think I can have the pleasure of hearing about your own _sex dream about me!_ " Addison insists teasingly.

"How did you know it was a sexy dream?" Meredith quirks at her.

"You said 'naughty dream', Meredith, I don't know if there's another realistic interpretation," Addison teases.

"Right…" Meredith begins. "Well…" Meredith takes a deep breath before she starts to speak.

* * *

"I had a dream that after you tucked me in that time in the on-call-room bed that you-" Meredith begins before Addison cuts her off with a question.

"Wait, you were conscious all of the three times I tucked you in bed?" Addison asks her.

"Yeah, I mean I only remember the first time, like, now, though. The first time after that time when you tucked me in I was almost asleep and I kept pretending because I wanted to feel your warm hands swaddle me in a cacoon," Meredith smiles.

"You know, I really did like waking up in your arms with the blankets and your arms around me and your hands through my hair," Addison admits equally.

"Anyway, so I had a dream after you tucked me in. I heard you walk into the shower and I guess I fell asleep right before that. But I had a dream that you left the door open and I saw you naked and then I got all naked and you invited me into the shower and-" Meredith starts talking faster and faster and Addison says "whoa, take a breath, Grey," as she processes it all.

Meredith starts to continue as Addison groans audibly, suddenly hyper-aware that she's wet and turned on from all of Meredith's dirty talk.

* * *

"And then…?" Addison asks her breathlessly.

"And then I whispered into your ear that 'I had many, many, things in my mind," Meredith says to her lustfully. It's the truth, too.

"And then I promised you I could touch you even better than anyone ever has, ever before…" Meredith continues to recount her story as she feels herself growing hot and she feels Addison squirming beneath her.

"And then...?" Addison says in a shakier voice than before.

"And then I whispered your name, Addison, into your ear before I kissed your earlobe," Meredith whispers into Addison's earlobe, now.

"And then…?" Addison tries to keep her eyes from rolling to the back of her head in pleasure as Meredith keeps on describing her dream.

"And then I sucked on your earlobe and you moaned really loud…" Meredith breathes hot breaths onto Addison's ear, but she doesn't let her skin touch them, not yet.

"And then…?" Addison tries to keep her eyes from rolling to the back of her head in pleasure as Meredith keeps on describing her dream.

"And then I let my teeth graze your ear as I nibbled all over it. And you loved it so much that you whimpered. And then you put your hands on my hips and I put my arms around your neck," Meredith says as she ghosts her lips impossibly close to the back of Addison's neck, breathing hard into her, but never letting her lips touch her, at all.

"And then…?" Addison finally lets her eyes from roll to the back of her head involuntarily in pleasure as Meredith keeps on describing her dream.

"And then I latched my lips to your neck and I sucked hickeys on your pale, tender skin. And then I ran my hands up and down your wet naked body…" Meredith says this as she ghosts her lips, _right over, but without touching,_ the very _very_ sensitive spot that Meredith had discovered the other day when massaging Addison's neck for the first time. The spot right behind her left her about an inch below her hairline that ended up sending Addison into a tailspin...

"And then…?" Addison moans out her words now, eyes pressed shut, head thrown back, head and neck extending, trying to bring her body closer to Meredith's wide-open lips…

* * *

"And then I woke up." Meredith deadpans with a smirk, moving away from Addison completely and sitting on her own chair as Addison's eyes fly open in shock.

"Wait, what, really? That's it? What the hell, Grey!" Addison asks her, suddenly extremely disappointed and not doing a good job of hiding it, at all, either.

"That's it! I swear, after that, I woke up and you walked out of the shower fully covered in a towel and left and I was just in a state of shock until I heard the door close behind me and you were long gone," Meredith shrugs at her, but with a wicked grin on her face.

"SERIOUSLY?!" Addison says to her, waving her arms in the air wildly, obviously implying she's incredulous about the fact that Meredith never touched her just then after she'd ghosted over all Addison's soft spots on her neck and ears without actually latching on, anywhere.

Addison's panties are now completely sticky and coated with arousal, she's so wet and swollen and Meredith had _not at all touched her yet with her lips_ , and Addison's sexual frustrations were working her way into her words as she keeps yelling 'SERIOUSLY' just like Izzie does all the time when she's upset about anything.

"Well, it looks like you are fitting right in with my MAGIC-al intern friends, seeing as you're talking just like us, right now," Meredith smirks, as Addison glares at her frustratedly, trying to reach for Meredith's hands again, but she has them both securely on her damn lollipop now, and she's sucking on it as if nothing had happened between them at all.

* * *

"Come, ON, Grey, I probably gave you a live-porno show with the way I probably talked about you in my damn sleep and you've got nothing better that those like ten-sentences about _your_ wet dream about _me_ ," Addison says to Meredith in mock-offense.

"Okay, you win. There's more, it's just not about the dream anymore, it's about what happened with me, after that," says Meredith quizzically.

"Now I'm not following?" Addison asks, as Meredith chuckles at how damn innocent Addison can be on occasion.

"Don't you remember how I was saying about how I 'touched myself' thinking about you, after that?" Meredith inquires, seriously wondering if Addison has some sort of unusual amnesia.

"Oh, right. You did mention that!" Addison exclaims, excited that she's remembered that, but of course, because she, at 39, apparently still doesn't masturbate like a normal person, has no idea why this is relevant, even though she's sort of turned-on at the thought.

"Why do you always seem weird when I talk about 'touching myself' or you 'touching yourself', sexually, I mean?" Meredith eventually asks her directly, because she's been wondering this for awhile, she's just never felt she could ask it until they were actually dating each other.

"Umm, I just, don't do that, that's all. I don't have a problem, I just never thought about it. I never learned, it never occurred to me, and whenever I'd have to take care of myself with my sexual urges I just took a really cold shower," Addison shrugs.

* * *

"Is that what you did that night?" Meredith asks her, curious to see if Addison had been turned on by her, that night.

"Yeah," Addison says, a bit sheepishly, even though she knows Meredith will love hearing this.

"Wow. That cold water sounds like it _totally sucks_. I mean, it's probably effective but wow. I'm impressed by your willpower. Mind over matter or something like that," Meredith raises her eyebrows at Addison.

"Why, what's _your magical solution, anyway_?" Addison asks Meredith curiously.

"Okay, well, first of all, I'm just going to say this once, because otherwise, I'll just say it later, but I'm going to make fun of you know because you are a _vagina doctor_ who doesn't know how to self-pleasure her own damn _vagina_ ," Meredith says to her teasingly.

"Well, my mother was never going to talk to me about the subject, and neither was Susan Grant, and Naomi was always so secretive about talking about sex, so it never came up between us, because we were both married pretty early and all friends together, and I didn't have a lot of other close friends who are female, other than Savvy, and she never gave me instructions or told me about it, so…" Addison trails off as she shrugs at Meredith pointedly.

"Oh, you poor thing. All these years in a sexless marriage and you never had _orgasms_?" Meredith says in alarm.

"Well, I mean, I sometimes did, they were just…" Addison trails off as she doesn't want to say it just yet.

"They were just _adulterously acquired?_ " Meredith rolls her eyes teasingly at Addison's shyness because she'd already heard that whole story from Derek about Mark, so it's not like it's news to her.

"Yeah. I got desperate at the end of it," Addison says sheepishly, as Meredith simply licks her lips after hearing about Addison's apparently impressive and insatiable sexual appetite.

* * *

"Wow, okay, well we're adding THAT to the top of the list of 'things to teach Addison about sex' once we get there because I really don't want you to go all crazy like _that_ ever again," Meredith says to Addison, casually.

"I swear, Meredith, I really don't want to cheat on you, ever. It hurt Derek so damn much, and it hurt me, too. I hate myself every day for it and I would never want to put you through that, no matter what-" Addison tries to explain this.

"Oh, Addie, I didn't want to imply that at all, I know you don't wanna be a go-to-girl for adultery at all, I know you want that part of your life to be over, I didn't want to make you feel guilty. I just wanted to say that I want you to be able to make yourself come by yourself sometime soon so I don't have to worry about you being so pent-up and upset," Meredith says to Addison, soothingly.

"That's such a surprisingly sweet thing you just said to me, how do you even do that? I mean to say something so fitting while even calling me a cheater all in the same sentence?" Addison wonders at Meredith.

"Cheating is an action that happened, you did it WITH Mark, because he's not innocent, either, here, but he's not 100% liable because it was both of you. Either way, it's your past. It's basically _ancient history_ , now. You can leave that behind in New York and just start over here. Like I said, you're moving on, you're probably gonna move in with my friend, and you're starting to date me, and we can both have a new life that's happier than before," Meredith says in a sweeping speech that moves Addison to shed a few happy tears.

"I give you my full permission to punch Mark for me if you ever meet him," Addison says with a groan.

"Oh, I definitely wanna punch Mark out if I meet him. Just to defend all your honor or something, and because I hate that he slept with you. Plus, I mean, I get it, you know I get it. The cheating thing, or forbidden love or whatever. I mean you basically met me while I was still oogling over your husband even after I knew he was still your husband, then," Meredith shrugs up at Addison until they both burst out laughing and the irony all over again...

* * *

"You know, I think I knew, subconsciously, at least, the point where you stopped thinking about him and started thinking…" Addison stops before saying 'about me' because she doesn't want to sound self-involved.

"You can say it, ya know. Or I'll say it. You knew in your senses when I started crushing on you," Meredith grins up at Addison.

"Yeah, I think that I did," Addison says contentedly.

* * *

"I knew when you started to think of me, that way," Meredith smiles at Addison.

"You did?" Addison asks her.

" _Addison_ ," Meredith says her name with a compassionate tone.

" _Addison_ , _you may think you are and it's adorable, but you are NOT VERY SUBTLE, at all, when you're horny…"_ Meredith laughs as Addison's face turns a bright cherry red again.

"Oh, God," Addison groans, unsure of which of the many instances that Meredith could be talking about.

"The first time I knew, it was when John had given me that dare to lick the lollipop seductively, and you couldn't take your eyes off my tongue. You were gripping the seat with an iron fist with both hands, and when I leaned into you, your eyes were completely wild and animalistic," Meredith says as if this were her 'professional assessment.'

"Yeah, that was extremely hot, not gonna lie. I was panicking because it was the first time I ever fully realized I was having completely _gay_ thoughts, I used to think I was straight, but then I guess I started to doubt myself, and I had no idea what to do with all the damn things you were making me feel… In my pants…" Addison concludes rather awkwardly, as she shuffles around in her seat.

"I'm very, very proud to have elicited that kind of reaction from you. I'm really glad that I was your gay awakening, and that it wasn't actually that kiss with Cristina," Meredith says very satisfied with herself.

* * *

"It was definitely you and only you. You can add that to the list of 'cool facts about you, Meredith'. That you became a closet-key for your current company, with a cherry lollipop and a smirk that I apparently really enjoy...

"Mhmm, and you can add to the list of 'cool facts about Addison that you were the first person who I ever felt like would ever say something to like "you are the most amazing OB-GYN I know who has fixed every vagina problem under the sun except like, her own," Meredith keeps smirking at Addison, because Addison just said she likes Meredith's smirk a lot.

"Hey, no need to rub it in!" Addison says to her.

"I think YOU need to rub it in, and that's the whole point!" Meredith just rolls her eyes at Addison in an over-exaggerated sarcasm, as if to say ' _you're making it way, way too easy for me here_ ', as Addison rolls her eyes right back at Meredith with a groan.

"So are you gonna finish that lollipop ever or what?" Addison changes the subject, knowing she's never going to win at this game.

"Mmhmm," Meredith grins at her, smacking her lips obnoxiously as she suckles the end of the Cherry lollipop right off of the stick and she moans as she lets it melt into her tongue.

"Alright, alright," Addison repeats the same with her own Vanilla lollipop, crunching the end bit right into her teeth.

After they've finished the candy, they're quietly sitting there for a moment, just enjoying each other's company, and being extremely grateful to be where they are…

And then Addison's mind starts to drift to Meredith's lips again.

And then Meredith's mind starts to drift to Addison's tongue again.

And then the both of them simultaneously start imagining what it would take to gather the courage to _finally_ feel what the combination of Cherry and Vanilla and each other's mouthes tastes like...

* * *

"You wanna know a not-so-cool fact about me?" Meredith quirks up at Addison, now, finally being the brave one to break all the silence.

"Sure?" Addison wonders where Meredith is going with this, and hoping it's headed in the way that she's hoping for.

"Never have I ever kissed Addison Montgomery, but I really want to," Meredith says smoothly to her, mirroring the phrasing from the nonsensical games that they played in the patient's room, ages ago.

"Never have I ever kissed Meredith Grey, but I really want to," Addison mirrors back to her with bright green eyes. "And you're right, that's a not-so-cool fact about me, too…" Addison trails into what Meredith is saying.

"Wanna change my cooler fact about me to be 'Never have I ever wanted to kiss Addison Montgomery, and not stopped myself again?" Meredith says to her finally.

"Wanna change my cooler fact about me to be 'Never have I ever wanted to kiss Meredith Grey, and not stopped myself again?" Addison says to her right back immediately.

"That's my way of asking you, Addie… Now that we're like, more than friends together, and now that we're really far into a really great first date… Can I kiss you now?" Meredith says to her with big baby-blue open eyes to Addison, then.

"Yeah, I figured that's what you were asking… And I'm asking you, too, Mer, Can I kiss you now?" Addison says to her with big-forest-lush-green open eyes to Meredith, then.

"You may, Addison," Meredith confirms to Addison as she presses their foreheads together intimately.

"You may, Meredith," Adiddson confirms to Meredith as she presses their foreheads together intimately as well…

"I just can't wait to taste what your lips are like…" Meredith groans out and leans in so close Addison can feel Meredith's breath on hers.

* * *

Addison chokes out the moment she says this. And then she can't help but look into Meredith's big baby blues.

And Meredith is looking wide-eyed back at her too. And then there's another moment. A moment they've had seemingly many, many times, before…

Because this is, in many ways, a deja-vu moment. It's the same sort of moment they might have had in John-the-patient's room while playing that game of truth-or-dare.

But in another way, it really and truly isn't. This is an entirely new Addison and Meredith moment, altogether.

A moment when they both search in each other's souls to see if they want the same thing.

They look at each other with reference, with curiosity, with lust, with hope and loss and fear.

And they're terrified, because if the next moment does not live up to all of their desires,

Then they are no longer sure what would ever be possible. The world would just die.

Just go purely extinct and the both of them, Meredith and Addison, would just stop.

They would cease to even exist. They would never, ever, be them again.

They would never be the same with or without this, not after, either way.

And either way, they knew that they had to make a choice. Now or Never.

And the wanted, yearned for, longed for, NEEDED to know they would both think the same.

* * *

That they'd both pick each other.

That they'd both choose each other.

That they'd both LOVE one another.

"Pick me, choose me, love me"

The words echoed in Meredith's ears as she remembered saying them to Derek.

And then she thinks now she has said those words to the very wrong person entirely.

"Pick me, choose me, love me"

The words echoed in Addison's ears as she remembered Derek saying them to her.

Only they weren't even FOR her. They were reserved only for him. From Meredith.

"Pick me, choose me, love me"

The words echoed in Meredith's ears as she vaguely remembered hearing them again,

But this time falling to her out of someone else's lips who she can't quite understand yet.

And she tries to soothe her aching brain but she feels all lightheaded and numb.

She feels like ten tonnes of tequila, she thinks she might be onto something now, but not quite.

"Pick me, choose me, love me"

Addison remembers mimicking Meredith back that night at the bar.

And now more than ever she wishes she'd meant it to her then, and that Derek was never a thing,

Only Meredith saying those words not through him, for him,

But directly to HER, as early as that fateful night… Or at the very least, that she'd say them to her, soon...

And the moment seems endless as the two of them feel trapped in eternity together.

They are staring at each other's eyes, each other's lips, each other's mouths.

And they are staring as if into each other their souls, into their minds, into their hearts.

And they think that they are finally drunk off anticipation enough to decide.

To make the decision for themselves and for each other.

To make the decision that will dictate their destiny.

* * *

_"The Human life is made up of choices._

_Yes or no?_

_In or out?_

_Up or down?_

_And then there are the choices that matter:_

_to love or hate,_

_to be a hero or to be a coward,_

_to fight or to give in, to live or die..._

_Live or die?_

_That's the important choice,_

_and it's not always in our hands._

_Yes or no?_

_In or out?_

_Up or down?_

_Live or die?_

_Hero or coward?_

_Fight or give in?_

_I'll say it again,_

_to make sure you hear me:_

_The Human life is made up of choices._

_Live or die?_

_That's the important choice…_

_and it's not always in our hands."_

* * *

And just when Meredith and Addison both thought the decision was in their hands, it totally wasn't in each of their hands, _separately_ , but instead, in both of their hands, yet _together._

Because they are more than just "Meredith" and "Addison" now. They are "Meredith and Addison," as more than just friends. As a unit.

They are both separate entities, yet also fused as one.

And they feel like they are finding their 'one'.

They are deciding this moment, as one.

* * *

And before Addison could stop staring long enough to move a muscle,

Meredith does.

Meredith wordlessly pulls Addison back to her chair.

She pushes her way past the chair she had had earlier, occupied.

And she sits herself down right on top of her, she sits right down on Addison's lap, again.

And Addison mouthed an "I'm not at all sorry that I'm so into you, and I see that you're so into me..." at Meredith quickly,

Before Meredith turned her head around,

And brought a hand to Addison.

And she cupped her face.

She whispered:

"Not yet,

"Go"

And then,

Addison could feel her.

Addison could feel Meredith's lips on hers.

Addison could feel Meredith's mouth on hers, too.

Addison could feel how Meredith's lips moved when she moved on them.

Addison could feel how Meredith's throat groaned out when she kissed her more.

Addison could feel how Meredith's hands tightened up when Addison kissed just a little bit harder...

Addison could feel how Meredith's body shuddered when she gave it her all, gave her _everything_.

Even more than each of them has ever given anyone, even, in a kiss they had shared.

* * *

As if Meredith couldn't feel as well, the way that just and now, how nothing had ever been taken away.

Nothing could ever be taken away from what Addison and Meredith both thought that this moment finally had just been.

Their moment in front of no-one else in the room yet just for them, also.

The moment their desire was consummated finally.

The moment Addison came out, and tried.

The moment for MerAdd.

Their moment.

_Finally._

Theirs.

"Ours." said Meredith to Addison, then.

* * *

"Ours." said Addison back to her, after.

And thank heavens that this time there was no 'Cristina's moment to slide in right in front of Meredith and kiss the hell out of her right there!'

This time there was no Meredith being beside herself furious at Cristina now who was, then, looking back at her empathetically.

This time there was no Cristina thinking Meredith was about to cry as she held her then held her hand.

This time, Meredith looks at her new _girlfriend, Addison_ right in the eye. And she tells her. "I know" and that's it.

And at that moment, despite Meredith saying absolutely nothing else to her at all,

Addison understands.

Addison knew what Cristina had done FOR her, not against her. FOR Addison, not against her, all those ages ago. So that she could have this moment, this REAL first kiss, with Meredith, now.

Because Addison understands now what Meredith had come to understand long before her. That they are inevitable, and maybe they always had been.

* * *

Because Addison and Meredith are close now, but now Addison knows that Meredith is finally _her_ partner, and not anybody else's.

So when Addison looks up at Meredith, no longer at all drunk and hurt, but euphoric and on top of the world!

Meredith looks Addison then, right in the eye. And she tells her. "I know" and that's it.

And Addison seems to understand from her too, that they'll talk about it after.

After Addison Montgomery, stops staring open-mouthed at Meredith Grey.

(Which Meredith is trying not to be sort of high-key really happy about)

And Addison stops trying to stop herself whooping at both of them in delight.

And they both stop cringing to themselves about how cheesy they are and then laughing in humor and lightness again.

And with that, Meredith senses that Addison needs some time to recover.

So she says to her "Thank You" and says that she really is very brave.

And Addison says "You're welcome, I'll get give you more kisses like that, or even better, soon"

And Meredith just smiles at them all and says "live while we're young."

And Addison says to Meredith, "you make me feel endlessly young again...".

And Meredith says to Addison, "you make me feel free like you wouldn't believe…"

* * *

And Addison pulls Meredith close again, she holds Meredith in her arms like she's always wanted to hold her.

She holds her tight and safe against her body, and she rocks her as Meredith closes her eyes and holds her back for the moment, as Addison rocks herself in her spot in the chair...

Because she's drunk on the high that comes from just the taste of Meredith's lips on hers, the Cherry and Vanillla and the Meredith and the Addison and the something… More, entirely.

The something that comes from two people caring so damn much about each other…

"Was I better than Cristina?" Meredith eventually looks up at Addison, eyes opening again looking at her quite sharply.

"Of course," Addison says to her simply.

"Was I-" Meredith winces before she tries to finish her question.

"You were better than Derek, don't worry," Addison laughs, guessing correctly.

"Was I-" Meredith tries to finish this one before Addison cuts her off all again.

"You were better than Mark Sloan, of course, you were," Addison chuckles at Meredith's questioning.

"Was I better than everyone else you ever kissed in your life," Meredith asks her quite boldly.

* * *

"Well, yeah. And I don't remember most of those people's names, because all my other kisses were when I was, I don't know, in high school and the only other one I can name is 'Skippy Gold' my high school prom date who liked Star Wars," Addison laughs at the memory.

"Hey, isn't he Cristina's like, third cousin or something?" Meredith remembers Cristina's very well executed lie, not knowing she was protecting Addison in the process, and Addison mumbles something like "maybe," to hope Meredith eventually moves on from this, and she does, to Addison's pure relief.

_(She'll have that awkward conversation with Meredith, just a little later, she decides, to herself…)_

"You were never with anyone else between Skippy Gold and Derek Shepherd?" Meredith asks Addison quizically, surprised that people weren't throwing themselves left and right at her now-girlfriend.

_(Meredith REALLY likes saying that one, to herself, and out loud, and mostly, to Addison.)_

"No, I guess I wasn't," Addison shrugs at Meredith. "We met in first-year med school, so there wasn't much of a time jump, there," Addison explains to her, then.

"But what about you in college? Didn't you go to Yale or something?" Meredith asks her.

"I guess I was too busy studying to date anyone," Addison shrugs at her, then.

"I don't think you wanna know about my years in College, by comparison," Meredith says to her, jokingly.

"Just tell me I was a better kisser than my ex-husband and I'll let you off the hook for all the others," Addison says to her, then.

"Oh, by far, for miles," Meredith says without an ounce of exaggeration.

* * *

"I forgive him for marrying you, I forgive him for chasing you. I almost want to forgive Mark for chasing you and fucking you behind Derek's back, you're so good a kisser," Meredith says to Addison, then.

"I forgave Derek in my head for fucking you the first day he met you, the moment I saw you all naked," Addison laughs at the memory.

"You know, you wanna make some better memories than all those lame ones? Because that one kiss was good, but I want some more before we call this night 'over' Meredith asks her with lust-filled eyes.

"Oh, absolutely," Addison almost jumps Meredith right then and there.

"I wanna make so many memories with you, Meredith Grey," Addison says to her sweetly.

"Ha- right. And then you'll leave me a note to say 'thanks for the memories' only hope you'll actually _sign your real name, this time_ ," Meredith quips at Addison, laughing.

"Right, and then you can leave me little 'secret admirer' tokens, and I'll know it's you because you're just so supportive like that," Addison retorts with more laughter.

* * *

"Everyone's gonna hate us at the hospital, even more than 'Me and Derek' or 'You and Derek' because we're so damn happy," Meredith says as she twirls Addison's hair in her fingers.

"Yeah, everyone's going to be jealous as hell at what we have with each other," Addison sighs as she smooths Meredith's curls behind her ears once again.

"Can I finally keep kissing you now, are you like, recovered enough that I can and you won't like, die from asphyxiation?" Meredith asks very seriously.

"Yes, I'll do my best not to _smother myself on your lips_ , Meredith, Jesus, you really are 'dark and twisty' now aren't you," Addison says very seriously back.

And then the seriousness breaks and they're laughing again and the reverberation of their voices and sighs and their happiness is all through the house.

* * *

" **I'm really, really happy with you," Meredith says to Addison, wanting her to know she feels lucky to have her.**

" **I'm really, really happy with you," Addison says to Meredith, wanting her to know she feels lucky to have her, as well.**

" **I'm gonna start kissing again," Meredith says as Addison nods.**

**Meredith nods at Addison to start kissing her back again.**

**And Addison does.**

* * *

This time Meredith kisses Addison's lips with more energy, with more lust in their touches.

The first kisses were much more innocent than these ones. The first ones were 'test-runs'.

These ones, now, are the real deal. Meredith seals her lips to Addison's bottom lip.

She sucks on it, hard, and smirks when Addison moans right into her mouth.

Addison moves her hands to Meredith's back as she draws shapeless patterns around it.

Addison sucks on Meredith's top lip and adores how she tastes and she feels.

Meredith's lips _are_ even softer than even Cristina's. Her lips feel made to fit hers.

Addison feels Meredith's tongue swipes over her bottom lip, and she parts hers, for her.

Meredith goes slow and gentle as she holds onto the back of Addison's neck, softly.

She ever so delicately slides her tongue into Addison's mouth, experimentally.

Before, they'd shared those closed-mouthed kisses. But now, this is a whole other thing.

Addison can feel Meredith's tongue in her mouth and it makes her moan obscenely.

Meredith smiles into Addison's sounds as she twirls the back of Addison's hair in her hands.

Addison moves her tongue into Meredith's and she receives a moan back from Meredith.

And they kiss and they kiss like they never, ever, want to ever let go of each other...

* * *

It's getting late when they finally do have to pull away from each other, desperate for air as they've deprived themselves of oxygen from making out for so long.

They sit in heavy breathing for a few moments as Addison pulls Meredith's head to her cheek and she nuzzles her into her chest.

Meredith snuggles herself into Addison's warm hug as she feels the beat-beat-beating of Addison's heart in time with her own.

Together they feel themselves regain their senses and come back to the world as they finally look into each other's eyes again.

This time, Addison is the first one to speak.

"This has been one the most amazing of first dates, Meredith. I really, really mean it," Addison says.

"That means so much coming from you, Addison. It's been amazing for me as well," Meredith agrees.

* * *

"I don't want it to be all over already, but God, looking at my watch now, it's been hours and hours and we both still have to work tomorrow," Addison sighs as she realizes how late it is.

"Right, and now you're gonna say something like 'I'm getting too old for this and you have pre-rounds at five-thirty AM?' of course," Meredith says, imitating Addison's voice quite successfully.

"Yeah and then you're gonna say something like 'you're not even that old, plus you're basically like, a 'cougar' now and that should freak people out but I find it sexy to picture you pounce' Addison says back to Meredith, also imitating Meredith's voice quite successfully.

"You know, I was so content when you stayed until I fell asleep that night after Joe's bar. I remember being all tucked in and safe and I remember you tucking my hair from my face," Meredith says to Addison sweetly.

"Ah, I'm glad it was a good night for you after all," Addison says to Meredith with a bit of a sigh coming off of her lips. "For me, I went back to my hotel room alone in another cab, I didn't know Seattle at the time so I just looked out the window like I was lost…" Addison begins.

Addison knows that Meredith, at this point, wouldn't want her to hold out on the details.

"I do want to know," Meredith presses her on like she thought she would.

"I remember checking into the Archfield again, riding the elevator up," Addison continues. "Twenty-two stories up, thinking about you the whole time, rubbing your key on my thumb, wondering if you'd be alright the next morning," Addison smiles at that part, and Meredith does eventually, too.

"I remember I had a bath that night, and it's the first time I really allowed myself to hate Derek a bit, especially for what he did to you, much less what he did to me, even if I still loved him at that point in time," Addison sighs, and Meredith finds Addison's hand and holds it and gives her a reassuring squeeze to get her though these parts.

"And I remember crying myself to sleep, wondering if I'd ever find somebody to love me again, if I would ever love myself enough to let anyone love me again, if I'd ever mend the broken-bottle-pieces of my spliced-up soul that I felt had been ripped out of my chest like a knife…" Addison says, flinching herself and feeling Meredith wince at her harsh words to herself.

* * *

"I remember feeling envious of you, that you had me as this 'knight in shining… _whatever_ ' person to catch you, even though I didn't call it that term, at the time,'' Addison said.

"I thought I was still leaving Seattle, at that point. I never knew I would have a real reason to stay. But I guess that I never left, I never wanted to leave. And then you didn't remember that night, and I was leaving Derek anyhow, and we got close, and we started on this path. And I never knew that our broken-bottle-pieces of us would somehow seek recognition in each other, but I think that they did. I think that's how I connected with you, how I needed you, even then, above anyone else," Addison finally finishes her thoughts on this.

"I remember feeling lucky, but did you feel lucky, at all?" Meredith asks Addison carefully.

"I think I did, in retrospect," Addison says to her. "When I finally talked with Derek about that night, I realized how, in taking care of you, then, that I was doing something familiar for someone who truly deserved it, and hadn't had it. And if I hadn't had you motion to sit with me, I could have rebounded with anyone else, or no one else and got blackout drunk at the bar as well," Addison says to Meredith with a sigh.

"You made me laugh, Meredith. You were the first person after Derek and Mark to make me laugh like that. And you were the first person, _ever_ , to call me only 'Montgomery' after I left him," Addison concludes finally.

"I wanted to call you _Addison_ , at the time, but you were like, my new boss and my ex-boyfriend's ex-wife at the time and it was all new, I didn't feel I had the right to so I called you 'Montgomery' Meredith laughs at the memory.

* * *

"You know, I really would like to have a nice nickname, for you, that no one else ever calls you," Addison says to Meredith now.

"You already call me 'Meredif' when you're drunk. You could call me that while you're sober, but people might think you're actually alcoholic," Meredith says with a laugh.

"I called you 'kid' once, but I don't know if you like that," Addison asks her.

"I liked it when you called me that, I kinda want to call you 'Addie', but Derek called you that. And Cristina and my intern friends call me 'Mer' which you do sometimes, and you still can, but I see what you mean it's not really original," Meredith says to her.

"It can't be 'Red' either, that's what Mark's staked his claim on," Addison says absently, before kissing Meredith on the lips once more to stop her from pouting at the mentioning of Mark's name.

"Okay, well then I'm going to tell you that my ex-girlfriend Sadie and I were called 'death' and 'die', which I know is ruthlessly morbid, and probably even more funny now that she works in a _morgue_ Meredith laughs. But don't worry, I don't talk to her all the time and we're never gonna get back together. I just know that because she called me like, one time ages ago," Meredith says.

* * *

"Can I call you 'Sugar'? It's just… Sweet… Like you?" Addison finally asks her.

"Sure, as long as I can call you 'Spice' Meredith says back to her.

"Okay, but no jokes about being the 'spice girls' Addison insists to her, gently.

"I wasn't but I am totally gonna make them all, now," Meredith grins up at Addison.

"Alright, Sugar. Do you want me to help you get ready for work tomorrow, like a good 'house-spice'?" Addison tries out her own nickname.

"Yeah," Meredith says with a sigh, accepting any more time with Addison she can get.

It's been practically _all day long_ , but all of the nights and all of the days don't seem like enough, when she could be spending her minutes with _Addison._

* * *

"You know," Meredith begins a thought as she lets Addison pack her lunch in a Tupperware, which she's grateful for because Izzie usually does this, and Izzie's off at Cristina's and Meredith is terrible at cooking.

"You know?" Addison gimmicks as she helps fix back Meredith's kitchen to something that looks more like a dining area than a place where two horny people just finished kissing each other like happy kittens for the past, at least, _hour-and-a-half._

"You know, I feel like I'm like the plant that just got fed and nursed back to health from your kisses," Meredith finally says out loud, realizing the absurdity of her loose-hanging metaphor.

"You know, I get that. I feel the same way. Kissing someone you've wanted to kiss for like, ages does that to a person who hasn't been kissed since Seattle," Addison smiles at Meredith.

"Do you have the address to that hotel - what is it? The _Archfield_ … Meredith asks her, pulling up her phone with a GPS.

"Oh, yeah, let me get it for you," Addison goes to find her own phone to read it out for Meredith, who types it in as Addison reads it.

"So, I guess this is goodnight then, Meredith says to her softly.

"I guess it is," Addison says to her back.

And they stare longingly into each other's eyes again, before they finally cave and put their phones down and pull each other into another set of kisses again.

* * *

It's more than a typical first-date goodnight kiss. It's a bit of a frenzy, actually.

Meredith nibbles on Addison's bottom lip and Addison sticks her tongue down Meredith's throat.

They're rougher and edgier than they were before, seeking every inch of their mouths to devour before they have to part of the evening.

Addison purrs as Meredith to her neck, now, as she places hot open-mouthed kisses all down past her jawline.

"Do you care if I leave marks?" Meredith pulls away, asking her before she starts in with her teeth like she wants to.

"Yeah, I'll just wear that damn scarf," Addison says breathlessly, because the moment Meredith mentions giving her hickeys she can't resist any longer.

So Meredith starts in with the suckling on Addison's neck, as Addison weaves her hands all the way through Meredith's hair and pulls it a bit as she feels the sensations exploding around her.

"Oh, shit, Meredith," Addison swears as she zones in on Addison's pulse point and backs Addison into the counter.

"God, your skin tastes delicious," Meredith hums into Addison's neck as she roams higher to Addison's right ear.

She finally takes it into her mouth, as she's always wanted to and Addison swears again with a "Jesus, Meredith," as she slides her teeth smoothly along tender flesh.

Then she turns Addison around in a spin, and Addison doesn't understand why she would do this until she feels Meredith's hot breath on the back of her neck.

Meredith sucks on her other ear, as Addison grips onto the counter and moans out louder and louder.

"You have this sweet spot on your neck, here, I think.." Meredith teases the spot with her fingers to see if Addison will react to her, there.

And Addison does, bucking her hips against as she's facing the counter as Meredith plants her whole mouth there, taking it all in and then furiously surrounding the sweet spot with her tongue.

* * *

"Holy fuck," Addison swears even louder as Meredith sinks her teeth into the spot. And she's sure as hell going to have bruises there, but what a spot to have bruises because it's her favorite spot in the world above her shoulders she likes to be touched.

How Meredith found this so quickly she has absolutely no clue. Skippy Gold never, ever found it. It took Derek halfway into their marriage, and Mark until the last time they were with each other to notice.

And Meredith has her lips planted there, still suckling and kissing and kissing her more as her hands are on Addison's hips now and she's lapping the spot up with her tongue like she's eating an ice cream cone. And like hell on high water is Addison completely and totally at Meredith's mercy right now…

"Mm, I can see how much you like this, It really, really works for me how much you like this," Meredith pulls Addison's hair aside from her neck so she can continue treating every single inch with the same, returning to the sweet spot she's marked every once in a while.

And Addison keeps calling out for her. She's calling out her name like a whore, or a slut or whatever, because she's calling out "Meredith, Meredith, Meredith," like she did in her sleep as she came, and Meredith keeps making her make those sounds as she presses her hands into Addison's hips, and keeps circling her tongue on her neck.

Addison wants to reciprocate for Meredith, so she pulls away from Meredith just enough to spin herself around, and she fuses their lips together again. It's like ice and fire, all the fuel to their flames as they kiss hungrily and thirstily and with all the desire and destiny.

* * *

"Can I give you marks on your neck also?" Addison asks hopefully, as Meredith says 'yes' to her.

Meredith allows Addison to nibble on her lips, and move to suck on her jawline before giving Meredith a set of hickeys of her own. "I don't own any scarves," Meredith grins up at Addison expectantly. "I'll lend you one of mine," Addison says with a smirk as she continues to suck on Meredith's pulse point until Meredith finally starts groaning out _her_ name.

"Addison, Addison, Addison," Meredith calls out for her as Addison nips on Meredith's neck and leaves teeny tiny bite marks as she tries her way to Meredith's earlobe.

She finally sinks her teeth in, the same way she almost had on _at least_ two separate occasions when she'd also almost kissed Meredith before they were both really ready for it.

And she's so glad that she's waited for now, because now, Meredith, her new _girlfriend_ started to grip onto her waist and her back kept moaning into her as she grinned like a Cheshire cat and kept up her tactics.

Addison eventually sucks on the other earlobe, discovering all this new expanse of the territory of what made Meredith react to her the most.

Addison eventually settled on Meredith's pulse point on her neck again, as she continued to bite it and lick it and suckle it until Meredith had a big purple bruise that she loves...

* * *

"I really like how people are gonna know that you're mine, Sugar" Addison growls as she keeps moving on.

"Mm, and people are going to know that you're mine, Spice," Meredith says to Addison as she grips tighter onto Addison's back.

They continue like this for a few minutes, before Meredith pulls Addison by the head to kiss her lips once again.

It's a beautiful moment, a really beautiful thing as their lips and their mouths move in harmony. There's no fight, there's no battle. There's no proving anyone is up or down or in or out or right or wrong.

It's just the two of them, Addison Montgomery and Meredith Grey, finally holding each other like they want to, and they now finally, with each other safely in their arms tonight, they can just let themselves be…

* * *

"What have I done to deserve this," Addison asks Meredith when it's finally over, and they've stopped kissing now just to talk and hold each other close.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asks her, not quite fully understanding.

"What have I done to deserve this sweet- YOU," Addison says, quickly replacing her words before she said the 'love' part there, again, much, much, too early.

"Well, you asked me out, didn't you?" Meredith quips back, lazily tracing Addison's forearms with her thumbs and her fingers.

"Yeah, I guess I did, but I still can't believe how real this finally is," Addison says to Meredith back.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean you're all the way from Connecticut and you're basically a queen, I have no idea how I seduced you but now that I've succeeded I'm damn proud of myself," Meredith says up to her.

"And you're all the way from Boston, or Honover, or wherever. And we meet in Seattle after I leave New York, and all I can think is 'what have I done to deserve this' in a really positive way," Addison says, tracing the shape of Meredith's collarbone with the back of her knuckles, so softly.

"Ah, I'm thinking about it too. What have I done to deserve this, to deserve- YOU. But all in all, I don't think we have to hurt ourselves worrying over it. Meredith begs of Addison not to be all angsty all again.

"Let's just be us for a little while longer…" Addison finally says to her, and Meredith smiles at the words she once said.

"Just for a little while longer," Meredith tucks her head into Addison's chest, and hears the beat-beat-beating of their hearts now as one.

And she knows now, that everything will be alright for the both of them, for a little while longer…

* * *

"Meredith, it's uh, getting really, really late and I really should get going…" Addison finally says, still soothing Meredith's head with her hands through her hair.

"You should, but will you stay with me?" Meredith finally asks her. She's been wanting to ask Addison this all night, but she's only now just gathered the resolve to say it.

"Grey…" Addison says with a sigh, testing all her willpower and her resolve. "You know that's not really a good idea, for a first date and all," Addison sighs because she really does want to stay over.

"Look, I just don't want you to have to go back to your hotel all alone like that first night," Meredith finally looks up right at Addison.

"That night you took me home, it was wonderful for me, and hard for you. And I want to make this night wonderful for you, even if it's hard for me. So I'm asking you to stay over, and you can stay in my room, and I'll just sleep in Izzie or George's room or on the couch or wherever so you don't have to feel all stressed out about it," Meredith says to her, finally.

* * *

"Oh, okay, that sounds much more reasonable, then, you know, us, umm-" Addison trails off, a bit embarrassed by how much the sentence 'us in being in bed together' is flustering her.

"Yeah, I know. I get it, I really do. I wouldn't trust myself not to grope you all night if I were tucked under the covers with you. Your skin is magnetic for me and I definitely wouldn't be getting any sleep like that," Meredith laughs.

"Oh, I was thinking about how I'd probably…" Addison trails off before she says something like 'dry hump your body in my damn dreams until I come on your hip' because that's what she's thinking but she's not as brazen about talking about sex, yet like Meredith is.

"It's okay, I understand what you mean. I just want to take care of you this time, like you've done for me before. I just want to be the last person to kiss you goodnight, and see you in the morning again," Meredith says to Addison sweetly.

"Okay, I get it. That sounds really nice, Meredith," Addison says to her finally, and Meredith grins as she puts down the car keys she's holding, placing them on the table, instead.

"Oh, you should really take all your keys back tomorrow, I mean, after the drive, if you let me drive your car into the hospital in the morning," Meredith says finally.

"Oh, and here are your house keys," Addison slips them out of her pocket, placing them on the table.

"You know, I really do love feeling your keys in my hand," Meredith sighs at the memory.

"I like it, too," Addison says. "I've liked it ever since the first time I stole yours, temporarily," Addison laughs.

* * *

"I think I have an idea, but I'm not gonna tell you until tomorrow because it's a surprise," Meredith says.

"Oh, now I want to just _know_ " Addison sighs at her exaggeratedly.

"You do not get to talk to me about wanting to _know_ things, my 'mystery person'. My 'secret admirer' things were not as long and grueling as all the things you put me through, so can you let me have this one? You'll like it, you'll see," Meredith says to her sweetly.

"Yeah, okay. I'll let you have this one," Addison sighs into Meredith's bittersweet nothings.

"C'mere. Let's get you up to bed," Meredith offers, and Addison leans in with a laugh as Meredith half-stumbles-with, half-carries Addison up to her bedroom, even though they're not drunk and they're only pretending they need to.

"I almost fell up these stairs that first time," Addison laughs, and Meredith says she doesn't doubt it as she says "watch your step here" because she really does know this house, well.

And they make their way to Meredith's bedroom, which Addison now finds familiar as they set their stuff down.

Meredith sorts through her stuff to find an extra toothbrush and a face cloth for Addison, as both of them get ready for bed by the washroom sink.

"I won't make you sleep in your clothes unless you wanna, I'm getting pajamas out for you. You're really tall though so I'll get you long socks so your ankles don't get too cold," Meredith grins as Addison just laughs.

* * *

"Do you want to wear some of my underwear?" Meredith offers casually as Addison chokes at her question.

"Here," Meredith just hands her a pair and Addison tries not to combust at the implications of that.

Addison even sees Meredith laying out some clothes for her in the morning that she thinks will fit Addison.

Meredith turns around from Addison, changing in the same room, just from back on.

And Addison does the same for Meredith, when she puts Meredith's set of pajamas on.

Because, of course, they've both seen each other naked before, but that was pre-dating and pre-kissing and pre-now when they're all hot and horny from making out for three hours so they turn around so they don't start something they don't want to start with each other yet.

As Addison settles now, Meredith motions for her to get into Meredith's bed, and Meredith crawls in beside her just to cuddle for a bit, while Addison is already under the covers and Meredith is only on top of them, just to be safe.

* * *

"How about I read you a bedtime story, would you like that?" Addison offers, just to see Meredith smile.

And Meredith grins and nods vigorously, and realizes she never had kids books, only surgical manuals in her house. So Addison pulls out 'Winnie the Pooh" from a PDF she googled on her cell phone and starts reading aloud…

"Mm, you have a pretty reading voice, and I like that line, 'don't be sad it's over, smile because it happened' because that's how I feel about our date night tonight", Meredith smiles at her sweetly.

"Yeah, but that's not from 'Winnie the Pooh', that's from Dr. Seuss," Addison chuckles. "Ah, well, you have more university than me," Meredith teases, even though Addison didn't exactly learn that one in her master's degree.

* * *

Alright, well, I'm about to go to sleep now. Could you go get my purse though, Sugar? There's something in it I need by me to sleep," Addison asks of her, even though she's a little embarrassed she has a security item at thirty-nine.

"Sure, Spice," Addison jumps up, fetching it for her after another quick peck on Addison's lips.

As Addison sits there, she realizes that their nicknames form the phrase 'sugar and spice it makes everything nice' and she smiles at this, hoping to remember to tell Meredith this in the morning.

When Meredith arrives with her purse, she's very intrigued to find out that Addison's security item is in fact... An old pocket watch? That doesn't even seem to be moving…?

"I'll tell you something about something broken of mine, first, if you wanna work up to explaining it," Meredith offers, and Addison nods.

"My locker was struck today. Both the locks were broken, and I'm not really sure why… But what's weird is that I don't even think it's a bad sign. Weird, huh," Meredith shrugs.

"It's probably not a bad sign. I'll help you fix it tomorrow, I kind of might have been the one to injure them, myself," Addison says to her sheepishly.

"Somehow, I'm not even surprised, I sorta figured it was you, and I don't know why but I did," Meredith grins up at Addison to show she's not mad.

"You'll be okay, I promise, Mer. You'll be okay…." Addison soothes her...

And then, Meredith sits there curiously, waiting for Addison to explain it all, the thing about the pocket watch, which, she knows Addison by now, well enough she hopes that she will finally tell her…

Meanwhile, as she's waiting for Addison to talk again, Meredith shuts the lights off, at Addison's request and she comes nearer to her girlfriend by her bedside.

"You'll be okay, I promise Addie. You'll be okay…" Meredith soothes her.

And then, Meredith motions for Addison to go on and say what she wants to...

And Addison does.

* * *

" _The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me to sleep tonight. Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time. And I am still waiting, though I still have my doubts. I am damaged, at best. Like you've already figured out."_

Addison says quite poetically, and Meredith crawls onto the bed and starts cuddling into Addison again as she goes to keep talking, suddenly so open and vulnerable as she cuddles into Meredith in the dark.

And Addison suddenly feels a rush and culmination of all of her emotions from the past few months. It's only now that she's finally officially with someone who she's really and truly letting in, to take care of her.

" _I'm falling apart, barely breathing. With a broken heart. That's still beating. In the pain, there is healing. In your name, I find meaning, so I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on. Barely holding on to you..."_

Addison says all this to Meredith, finally letting herself go and crying and crying like she really needs to. And Meredith holds her even tighter as Addison whimpers each of these words out from her chest. And Addison pulls her closer and closer as if she'll drift away if she ever lets go…

And then Meredith starts to talk to Addison now, about how she is feeling, after having understood Addison's preoccupation with her no-longer-ticking pocket watch. Meredith feels Addison's sobs and she starts weeping, herself, finally allowing herself to mourn all the heartbreak and stress in her life recently, as she takes a deep breath to start speaking again...

" _The broken locks were a warning, you got inside my head. I tried my best to be guarded, but I'm an open book instead. And I still see your reflection, inside of my eyes. They are looking for purpose, they are looking for life…"_

Meredith says to Addison as she snuggles into her chest. Addison reaches out from the blankets to caress Meredith's hair as she starts to go on…

" _I'm falling apart, barely breathing. With a broken heart. That's still beating. In the pain, there is healing. In your name, I find meaning, so I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on. Barely holding on to you..."_

And both of them cling tighter and tighter to each other as Addison can now hear the beat-beat-beating of Meredith's chest against her own and she is endlessly soothed by the sound of it and Addison starts to explain…

" _I'm hanging on, another day. Just to see what you will throw my way. And I'm hanging on, to the words you say. You say that I will, wil be okay…"_

Tears stream down both of their faces as they cling to life. They have survived the same man, the same heartbreak, the same turmoil in recent times and they have found solace in each other. And they are just now expressing to each other fully the loss that they have had, all those broken-bottle pieces of their spliced-up souls, all those invisible bruises they share that only they, alone, together can even begin to understand…

" _The broken lights on the freeway, left me here alone. I may have lost my way now, hadn't forgotten my way home…"_

Meredith explains as she cries about something so little as the traffic that they faced somewhere around the Archfield or maybe the overpass. And Addison brings her lips to Meredith's head and kisses her hairline to soothe in her cries.

" _I'm falling apart, barely breathing. With a broken heart. That's still beating. In the pain, there is healing. In your name, I find meaning, so I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on. Barely holding on to you..."_

Addison says to Meredith, as she holds her in her arms, for both Meredith's comfort as well as her own…

" _So I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on. Barely holding on to you…"_

Meredith says to Addison, repeating the last phrases in her head as she allows them to comfort her...

" _I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on. Barely holding on to you..."_

Addison repeats to Meredith, repeating the last phrases over and over until she eventually starts to drift off to a lulled state of consciousness.

She's smiling happily, grinning, as she finishes all of this...

* * *

Meredith starts to come back to herself as she soothes Addison's hair behind her ear and starts to tuck her into a swaddling cacoon the way Addison liked to do, for her, in the past.

"We accept the love we think we deserve," Meredith says to Addison softly.

"We accept the love we think we deserve," Addison says to Meredith softly.

"And I think I'm finally starting to accept that the love that you have to offer me, is something I think I can grow into trusting…" Meredith says tenderly to Addison.

"And I think I'm finally starting to accept that the love that you have to offer me, is something I think I can grow into trusting…" Addison repeats to Meredith, tenderly, back.

"Shh, sleepy sleepytime, now," Meredith coos at Addison, with her own words from that first night.

Meredith tucks the blankets over Addison's head so that Addison will say 'peekaboo' and Meredith just laughs and plants a kiss on her cheek, lovingly.

"It's been a long day, a really great day, one of those beautiful days. A really great day for the both of us," Meredith says to Addison with a sigh as she keeps stroking her fingertips lightly over Addison's cheek.

"Thank you, Meredith…" Addison says as she grins widely in a smile up at Meredith as she drifts off to dreamland…

And Meredith stays just for a little while, watching the rising and falling of Addison's tender breaths in her chest.

She waits because they both had said earlier they are ' _falling apart, barely breathing_ ' and she doesn't want to lose Addison, suddenly, as absurd as that is as a thought. Addison, at 39, and Meredith, at 26, are both the picture of health, luckily for the both of them.

Eventually, Meredith realizes that ' _falling apart, barely breathing'_ is more of an expression than a literal interpretation, and she keeps running her hands in Addison's hair until she can start to hear her snore loudly, into the dark…

* * *

_And then Meredith sits there and imagines for a second, what she would sit up and say to Addison if it weren't way too soon for her to be totally and stupidly in love with her…_

_She mouths these words to herself in the dark, just as she had mouthed many confessions to Addison the first time she fell asleep in her arms..._

" _You know, I never said it to you. I wanted to, but I never said it to you yet. And I think now it's time," Meredith imagines herself saying cryptically to Addison._

" _You've never said what to me, Meredith?" She imagines Addison, answering her._

" _Look, I know we know that this comes from somewhere on a television show, and I memorized it by now but we're just going to go with it no matter what and you're not gonna laugh, okay?" Meredith imagines making Addison promise._

" _I promise, I promise you, I won't laugh or make fun, I promise," Meredith imagines Addison saying to her._

" _Okay, here goes," Meredith takes a deep breath in real life, as she would if she were actually saying this, out loud, right now, even though she's just mouthing the words as Addison sleeps soundly in her bed beside her..._

" _Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery… Your name is way long and it made me laugh so damn much when I needed it. And I'm rambling because I'm working myself up for this… So, okay here it is. Your choice. It's simple. No me, or me. And I'm sure being alone or being with someone else in the universe is really great or could be really great or whatever."_

" _But Addie, I love you, in a really, really big – pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window – unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me…." Meredith takes a deep breath as she recovers from saying all that in one go, before she continues._

" _I know you've heard that speech before from your then-husband and my then-boyfriend or not-boyfriend or who the fuck cares no because he's not important to me now, and YOU ARE, Addison. So I'm saying this TO YOU, FOR YOU, and ONLY YOU, now, even though I know it's way too damn early to be saying this to you on our first date but I just want, I just need to know you're all in before I actually sleep-with-you-sleep-with-you…"_

" _Because I want us to last, and I want to have everything with you. And I want to give you more than I've ever shared of myself with anyone ever before, including Derek, by a long shot. So pick me, choose me, love me, Addison. Because I'm all in this, if you are. I'm ready to try…"_

_Meredith finally finishes her speech off her lips, the words being formed soundlessly in the dark. And as Meredith drifts off to dreamland, all she can hope for, is that she'll soon have the chance to tell Addison these very words, aloud someday, and this time, for real..._

* * *

And Meredith is happy, as she leaves Addison for a moment to make sure her front door is locked securely behind them.

She checks on the plant one more time, their now _shared_ potted plant, which she gives one last watering to before she pats it goodnight.

She tucks Addison's coat back onto the coat rack, from where it had fallen off when she had gotten those lollipops out of her pocket.

She finds the bottle of aspirin, deciding to pour just one out for Addison, in case she felt worn down in the morning from staying up so late, and getting her a glass of water as well.

She leaves Addison a note with those blue post-it notes and Cristina's fancy blue pen, which she does sign a name to, even if it isn't 'her own'.

And Meredith allows her fingers to grace over Addison's car keys once more, twisting it until she snaps them to her own keyring once more because Addison promised she could drive in the morning.

She's feeling so much _less_ empty than before as she knows Addison is safe in her room, and she won't be left in the cool night to stumble into her hotel room alone at the Archfield.

And Meredith is happy as she's thinking she's got someone one to tuck in tonight and to leave her a note on her kitchen table to say that she should take the at least one of the aspirin she's poured out from the bottle when she wakes up along with a tall glass of water she's poured into the glass from the sink.

Addison will find out also that she'll have her key back soon enough too; and that they are not stolen - (Meredith borrowed them...) and that they are simply borrowed for a short time- borrowed because she just doesn't want to leave Addison's car keys and office keys all unknowingly alone in the house after she failed to secure them in her own damn purse all throughout the night altogether.

Meredith checks on Addie one last time, tucking her into the covers one last time with her warm gentle hands, tucking a piece of Addison's hair behind her ear, and kissing her temple and whispering to her one last 'goodnight'.

Meredith tucks herself into bed in one of the spare rooms, texting Izzie that she'll change her sheets for her in the morning before putting her phone away and just lying there, in the dark, contently lying there, in reflection, after their super-awesome fun date.

And Meredith is happy because she's thinking she's got someone to hold and to tell her that she's sorry and to tell her that she's still desirable and that she'll stay for Addison as long as she needs for her to feel happy again.

And Meredith is happy because she's thinking she's maybe, probably, definitely found love for herself, again and she's given her past lovers away like she's given away sharp and broken bottle pieces of her sliced up soul, that she's finally letting go of to let new love in.

And Meredith Grey finally finds herself smiling and grinning herself to sleep for the second night in a row... Since she's _sure as hell_ thinking that Addison Montgomery girl might just be starting to only even know how happy she's got it with her friends falling around her and for even her own generosity in ensuring that she's safe and sound through _the very best night of her young life, so far._

* * *

Sure, they've been falling apart, barely breathing, from the pain and the heartbreak and loss.

But they're broken in the same ways, so they understand each other like nobody else in the world.

They're falling apart, barely breathing, holding on, holding on, holding on, barely holding onto each other...

And now that they've found each other, Meredith Grey and Addison Montgomery are finally letting themselves have each other like they want to.

They're letting each other in, letting themselves love and be loved in the way they deserve to be loved.

They're falling apart, barely breathing, at times, but they are more alive with each other than that have been until now.

* * *

_**They're falling apart, barely breathing, as they fall madly, and stupidly in love with each other, even as Addison Montgomery and Meredith Grey don't even know, just how far they have fallen in love, with each other, just yet…** **And they will very, very soon… :D** _

* * *

*****

*****

*****

*****

*****

******* END OF THE VERY VERY REAL CHAPTER 40!**

* * *

_Author's note 2 for Chapter 40 of FABB…_

_With love, from yours, truly,_

_Allusions in this chapter are to "It's Always You" by WhatwouldagentScullydo_

_and "It's not him, It's you" by SassyKissMyAssy. These are other sweet works that I wanted to shout-out to before the main plot came to an end._

_Thanks, and a longer author's note and analysis to follow!_

_Bobbiejelly_

_But first of all, here is all the Song Lyrics to "Broken" By Lifehouse, this Fanfiction's titular reference, and this Chapter 40's soundtrack. This has been in my head since the beginning…_

_Highly encourage googling this song, it appeared in Grey's in S4E11 "Lay Your Hands On Me"._

_It was the scene in the show where Elizabeth Archer helped heal Bailey's Baby, little Tuck._

* * *

**Lifehouse Lyrics**

**"Broken"**

The broken clock is a comfort

It helps me sleep tonight

Maybe it can stop tomorrow

From stealing all my time

And I am here still waiting

Though I still have my doubts

I am damaged at best

Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart

I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart

That's still beating

In the pain

There is healing

In your name

I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on

I'm holdin' on

I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning

You got inside my head

I tried my best to be guarded

I'm an open book instead

And I still see your reflection

Inside of my eyes

That are looking for a purpose

They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart

I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart

That's still beating

In the pain (in the pain)

Is there healing

In your name (in your name)

I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day

Just to see what you will throw my way

And I'm hanging on to the words you say

You said that I will, will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone

I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart

I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart

That's still beating

In the pain (in the pain)

There is healing

In your name (in your name)

I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm barely holdin' on to you

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

**Season One: We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve**

* * *

"Falling Apart, Barely Breathing", Season One consists of Chapters 1 through 40.

Its first episode is "Bring The Pain," the work's Pilot.

It's most successful, highest-rated episode (before this one, potentially) is Chapter 4: Let It Be

It's mid-season finale is Chapter 33: I Will Follow You Into The Dark

And It's two-part season finales are Chapters 39: Yesterday

& 40: What Have I Done To Deserve This

* * *

_Season Summary:_

_Dr. Addison Montgomery and Dr. Meredith Grey both leave the man who hurt both of them._

_They're each falling apart, barely breathing as the hit rock bottom hating themselves._

_They rebuild themselves as people, picking up the broken-bottle pieces of their spliced-up souls._

_Both Addison and Meredith build a new life, a new career, and new friendships, here in Seattle._

_And after their fateful meeting and a night in the bar together, they begin to fall madly in love again, and this time, with each other._

* * *

******* END OF SEASON ONE, OF 'FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING" *******

* * *

-READ ALONG IN THE AUTHOR'S NOTE TO STAY TUNED FOR INFO ABOUT SEASON 2!

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

_Congratulations! You've made it to the end of Season One of "Falling Apart, Barely Breathing". This is in a lot of ways, an ending. It is the culmination of many of the plotlines of the story, and the main resolution of the 'mystery man' and 'secret admirer' part of the story, and first kiss._

_It was never revealed until now that this was the 'finale', because that was part of suspense!_

_I want to say a BIG thank you! In the beginning, when this all happened, I was unsure if we would ever get here. we did because of your encouragement! This has been 40 Chapters in 40 days. A very symbolic number, if we're thinking about it. And very special to me, and for you._

_Up until this point I had a pretty set storyboard for how I wanted the story to unfold, with key chapters scatterred throughout. Here is my analysis of some other major plot points, in order, and how they happened: (Note that I mention some chapters, but this does not discount the others I don't mention, I hope!). If you'd like, this is an analysis, from the author, of this all._

_The first five chapters as they are the ones that layed the platform for the rest of the story (The night at the bar, and the morning after when Meredith found the note). Chapter 4, in particular, is the most highly rated, and I will still say (other than potentially THIS ONE, Chapter 40, it's counterpart… Is the BEST Chapter, and certainly my personal favorite, overall for this entire fanfiction. And the next seven (Chapters 6 through 12) introduce a lot of the friendships, side plots and patients that we will come to know and appreciate._

_Then, Chapter 13, where Addison was kissed by Cristina. Chapter 17, where Meredith caught Addison at the vending machines. As many of you pointed out, that was symbolic and foreshadowing in many ways. Chapter 20, when Addison finally came out to Meredith. Chapter 23 and 24, when Addison and Meredith fell asleep together, and the aftermath that Meredith had with Derek afterward. Chapter 26 when Addison was in that house again, and her divorce in Chapter 27._

_Chapter 28 is a significant turning point when through the flash forward to the CD, we know the reveal will happen, and that the result will be positive. We, as an audience, know then, what the characters do not, and still don't quite know yet. The three "It's The End Of The World" Chapters highlight each other's perspectives and concerns, and "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" is the 'rock bottom' of the story arc. It's where things are worse, before they get better._

_The following four Chapters examine lust, trust and subconscious desires, as the need for physical and emotional intimacy for each other (Meredith and Addison) grows almost to its boiling point, as they realize who they want now, and realize who they no longer want or need (Derek), as a romantic suitor. As We Know It is the penultimate chapters to the 2 finales._

_That one shows friendship for the final time between the interns keeping the secrets, and is when Meredith finally defends Addison to Derek in a way Addison never could. It's the start of the big reveal, and it's where Addison also makes a bold and important decision, to both go out with Meredith, but in the correct and respectful way, that is to 'not date her', first._

_And the May 9th Chapter, Yesterday, is the one many of us have been waiting for, where Meredith and Addison eventually figure out each other's alter-identities That one had been planned from the beginning, right down to the post-it notes. And yet, we were still left itching for more after it was over, because it was only a conclusion of the past, not the romantic present._

_Which brings us to this chapter, "What Have I Done To Deserve This". Thank you for reading up to here, and for reading this one. This chapter in a lot of ways is the Most Important Chapter So Far, and you probably have noticed the many references to the title "Falling Apart, Barely Breathing,"._

_The song, "Broken" by Lifehouse, which has been mentioned before a few times, as a plot device, is quoted throughout the chapter here and woven in as a metaphor for these character's lives, in both their words and their actions. All of the moments, especially those in it's 'sister chapter', Chapter 4: Let It Be, have led up to the moments in this one. I guess in a way, this is a 'songfic', or at least inspired by music, just as the show, itself, is. Until now, Chapter 4 has still always been my favorite Chapter, and still is, in a way, though I do like this one, too; it's twin._

_So where do we go from here? There are stil many plotlines to be explored; obviously, the one about Meredith and Addison getting together - potentially - as a couple, is a main one. But there are others, and many Characters with unresolved storylines pending for this reason... Plus who knows what patients will come into SGH? And now, I leave that up to you to think about. :D_

_While I will be continuing this story, I admit I'm improvising a bit from now on, and very, very open to reader's suggestions. If you want something specific, I'm really all ears!_ _Hope you will continue to follow along. I do admit part of the reason I prolongued the plot so long was because I feared that after the truth came out, the story would fall flat. I'm going to try to make that NOT happen, while also allowing lots of tender moments and fluff, but still with serious stuff, to come._

_Also I'm very enthusiastic about probably adding NEW CHARACTERS (doctors) into the mix!_

_Please, please, please do leave a note for what your highlights of Season One have been!_

_Let me know if you liked this Chapter (And it's super long Author's Note…) and if so, why!_

_And let me know your own analysis, of the story's construction, and your predictions :D_

_Take care all, thinking and caring deeply for you. Much love, and yours, truly, from bobbiejelly_

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING ! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

* * *

_**Dedications: This Chapter 40 is dedicated to EVERYONE and ANYONE who has read this far.** _

This dedication is written on the day of first publication of Chapter 40, May 12, 2020.

This is everyone to thank, thus far, that I know by username… This includes…

_(If I've ommitted you by accident, please let me know I will back-edit you in!)_

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**Additional thank-you to the people who added this story to their reading lists! There is no succinct way to find this, so generally shout out you know who you are!**

**Bobbiejelly's Wattpad followers:**

outlawqueenpercabeth, danielaperezsurga, bg3929, NyereSoTrini, author4all, MarleeGrey, _sarahxlove_, galusov, Hayday147, kennas_backup00, isabella_x_, meraddcouple, kaity4ever, addiesbaby, tshotton44, Blouty-County, itslexipedia, EmyLilas, jamiya15, unicornbaby78, addisxnmxntgxmery, camelotjackiejack, leah6899, EllieMay421, new_being, jewelsarmiento03, TheNetflixGal, Akers72, LesbiiHonest_FP, gerardosoriano123, 50onechicago50, incompleteversion, JordynMarie05, naylorholby, GloriaZamprogna, Reneshli, DiaConstant, Deusa_Maria, AddisonAddek, fernzxxc,

**THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!**

**Thank you to the people who I do not know by username, I hope you'll reach out sometime :D**

**It's been a wild ride, this whole "Falling Apart, Barely Breathing" Season One, Forty Chapters, 41 days.**

**Many words. Many comments. Many interactsions.**

**And by now, I do believe it's some of my best work, ever, yet.**

**Cheers to another, with more in the future, we hope.**

**Bye for now, see you in the COMMENTS.**

**bobbiejelly**

* * *

**Further Reading (Other works you may like. These are my other MerAdd works so far…)**

**_Soothe_ **

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

**_Chasing Butterflies_ **

####  [ **Chasing Butterflies** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23365279)

####  **_A Seattle Grace Mercy West Swingers Party - Post Plane Crash Edition_ **

####  [ **A Seattle Grace Mercy West Swingers Party - Post Plane Crash Edition** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604244)

####  **_McCravings_ **

####  [ **McCravings** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24077548)

####  **_RED is the new BLACK._ **

####  [ **RED is the new BLACK.** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23737411)

####  **_Five Reasons We Knew Calzona Was Made For Each Other & Five + More 6 Sentence Fics_ **

####  [ **Five Reasons We Knew Calzona Was Made For Each Other & Five + More 6 Sentence Fics** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23515210)

####  **_Out Of The Dark_ **

####  [ **Out Of The Dark** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23528218)

####  **_Hello, Seattle_ **

####  [ **Hello, Seattle** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23480440)

####  **_Peace Of My Heart_ **

####  [ **Peace Of My Heart** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23554429)

####  **_Meredith gets her Mojo Back_ **

####  [ **Meredith gets her Mojo Back** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23008183)

####  **_Tears Shed From A Drunken Conversation_ **

####  [ **Tears Shed From A Drunken Conversation** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23468182)

####  **_Who Can Screw the Shepherd Siblings Better? A Sex Bet Between Addison Montgomery and Mark Sloan._ **

####  [ **Who Can Screw the Shepherd Siblings Better? A Sex Bet Between Addison Montgomery and Mark Sloan.** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23613940)

####  **_Elevator To Heaven_ **

####  [ **Elevator To Heaven** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23639659)

####  **_To Build A Home - For Me & For You_ **

####  [ **To Build A Home - For Me & For You** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23718808)

####  **_Sights of Seattle, Stars in the Sky_ **

####  [ **Sights of Seattle, Stars in the Sky** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23384917)

####  **_Meredith Makes Her McCHOICE of a Lifetime._ **

####  [ **Meredith Makes Her McCHOICE of a Lifetime.** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23684815)

####  **_Chief Montgomery's Seductress_ **

####  [ **Chief Montgomery's Seductress** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24115456)

####  **_MerAdd PROMPTS Consultation for @bobbiejelly - INPUT REQUESTED !_ **

####  [ **MerAdd PROMPTS Consultation for @bobbiejelly - INPUT REQUESTED !** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23741428)

####  **_After Italian_ **

####  [ **After Italian** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24078883)

####  _**'Merley' (Meredith Grey/Miranda Bailey), eventual MerAdd (Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery), mostly for Lesbi_Honest_FP** _

####  [ **'Merley' (Meredith Grey/Miranda Bailey), eventual MerAdd (Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery), mostly for Lesbi_Honest_FP** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24149845)

_**The whole MerAdd Series:** _

_**MerAdd My Heart <3** _

**[MerAdd My Heart <3](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687834) **

* * *

***** IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT OF SEASON 2 OF FABB! *****

* * *

The upcoming Season Two, of "Falling Apart, Barely Breathing" is to begin with Chapter 41.

It will be posted as a regular update - this 'book' will be continued on all platforms the same way.

It's scheduled release is undetermined, as of late, but is hopefully very soon… bobbiejelly :D

* * *

_Author's Note 3:_

Well, that's it for now, folks.

Happy reading,

Leave a note, it'll make my day!

Enjoy,

###  [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)

bobbiejelly


	41. In The Morning, When I Wake Up, I Wanna Sing A Song...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavender.
> 
> Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery wakes up early this morning, after the best night of her life so far, to the sweet scent of lavender.
> 
> "Mm," Addison Montgomery moans audibly, as she inhales the intoxicating aroma of Meredith Grey's conditioner which covers her bedclothes and drives Addison completely wild...

_Author's Note:_

Welcome to Season Two, people!

Time to see what happens when Meredith Grey dates Addison Montgomery.

And how are all those other characters doing?

It's time to find out.

See you in the comments, folks.

(Can u spot the song references? I dare you!)

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_**PREVIOUSLY ON "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING":** _

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

Season One: We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve

* * *

"Falling Apart, Barely Breathing", Season One consists of Chapters 1 through 40.

Its first episode is "Bring The Pain," the work's Pilot.

It's most successful, highest-rated episode (before Ch. 40, potentially) is Chapter 4: Let It Be

Its mid-season finale is Chapter 33: I Will Follow You Into The Dark

And It's two-part season finales are Chapters 39: Yesterday

& 40: What Have I Done To Deserve This

* * *

_**Season One Summary:** _

_Dr. Addison Montgomery and Dr. Meredith Grey both leave the man who hurt both of them._

_They're each falling apart, barely breathing as they hit rock bottom hating themselves._

_They rebuild themselves as people, picking up the broken-bottle pieces of their spliced-up souls._

_Both Addison and Meredith build a new life, a new career, and new friendships, here in Seattle._

_And after their fateful meeting and a night in the bar together, they begin to fall madly in love again, and this time, with each other._

* * *

******* END OF SEASON ONE, OF 'FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING" *******

* * *

_END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE._

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly. NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

Season Two

* * *

**Chapter 41: In The Morning, When I Wake Up, I Wanna Sing A Song...**

* * *

_Lavender._

_Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery wakes up early this morning, after the best night of her life so far, to the sweet scent of lavender._

" _Mm," Addison Montgomery moans audibly, as she inhales the intoxicating aroma of Meredith Grey's conditioner which covers her bedclothes and drives Addison completely wild..._

* * *

Lavender.

Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery wakes up early this morning, after the best night of her life so far, to the sweet scent of lavender.

"Mm," Addison Montgomery moans audibly, as she inhales the intoxicating aroma of Meredith Grey's conditioner which covers her bedclothes and drives Addison completely wild...

Addison Montgomery is extremely comfortable, swaddled up like a hug in Meredith Grey's sheets and comforter.

She can hear the birds chirping quietly as she feels the rays of sweet sunshine filtering in through Meredith's window into her bedroom that is just so, so, Meredith.

Addison sighs happily and hums a bit and purrs like a happy kitten she is as she reminisces on all the amazing times she's had with her new _girlfriend_ from the night before…

* * *

_The stars in the clear cloudless sky, the hugging, the driving, holding Meredith's keys, and walking past the threshold of her house for the third time in her life._

_Tending to the plant together, texting Cristina, Meredith texting Cristina, calling John-the-patient, sucking on suckers…_

_All the bittersweet nothings whispered into her ears…_

_All the wonderful conversations, the talking..._

_All those tender touches and backrubs and neck massages, the touching…_

_All of Meredith's endless banter and seduction and promises leading to, eventualy... The sex..._

_And then there ain't no mystery left._

_And it's good news._

_It's all good news, Meredith is good news and she's good news for Meredith…_

_And the kissing, oh, the kissing. Addison whimpers into a smile as she closes her eyes and imagines every inch and every second and every piece of the lovely, tender, compassionate kissing…_

* * *

Addison reaches up to a tender spot on the back of her neck as she pushes in on a hickey that Meredith left on her sweet-spot last night and she calls out Meredith's name in a whisper as she feels the slight burst of sensation as her fingertips graze the sensitive skin.

Addison just wants to lay here, just lay here and just forget the world for a moment so she can stay in her shiny, happy, people, new non-single bliss of her post-kissing Meredith Grey life.

And so, Addison Montgomery tucks her head again into the pillow, enjoying her warm and cozy cocoon for just a little bit longer…

* * *

***** BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP *****

* * *

"WHOA!" Addison yelps as she tries to extract herself from the tightly tucked in sheets and ends up nearly face planting instead on the floor.

Addison slaps aimlessly in the direction of her alarm as she tries to disable her phone's beeping without waking Meredith up, but as it turns out, her new _girlfriend_ has already been up for an hour, anyhow.

"ADDISON ARE YOU ALRIGHT!" Meredith rushes into the room to see Addison falling onto her thumb, causing a dent in her forehead that luckily does not begin to bleed.

"Rough wakeup Spice, huh," Meredith smiles at Addison endearingly as her new _girlfriend_ does a sort of beached-whale movement to extricate her limbs from the covers.

"Patient is a 39-year-old female, full adult body weight versus alarm clock, the floor won, it appears," Addison groans out at Meredith as if she were presenting in a trauma bay.

"Diagnosis: minor bruising that is decidedly non-hickey-related. Treatment should include a band-aid and Neosporin. I'll go get them, now, just you sit tight. Prognosis is probably a week or so?" Meredith plays along and smiles at her.

* * *

"Thanks, Sugar," Addison says as she sits herself up against the edge of the bed and rubs her forehead with a sigh. It doesn't hurt that much, seeing as she only hit her head off her _thumb_.

It's still a sudden shock, though, so she sits there waiting for Meredith to re-emerge with a first-aid kit.

"Do you wanna do it yourself, or do you want to let me be the doctor for you?" Meredith asks Addison sweetly.

"Can you?" Addison asks like a little kitten, pawing for her affection.

* * *

"Of course, just wanted to give you all the options," Meredith smiles as she takes out a sterilizing swap and runs it over close to the red mark.

Addison winces preemptively, but Meredith shushes her, saying it's 'not the stinging kind' and Addison is relieved.

Meredith applies the antibacterial cream with her finger and gets out the bandage for Addison's forehead.

"Seriously? Hello Kitty!" Addison exclaims, a little surprised.

"They're Izzie's, she and Cristina went shopping last. They're her favorite…" Meredith says sheepishly.

"Oh, God. What are the mothers all going to say…" Addison looks nervous for a moment.

"They'll probably think that it's super cute. Or at least I think it's super cute, and that's what really counts, right?" Meredith grins at her.

"Awe, alright Sugar, you're right it is kind of cute, though I'm not sure if it'll match all my outfits…" Addison thinks idly and realizes she was still thinking aloud.

"You could look good in anything, don't worry so much," Meredith smiles at her.

* * *

"Here, Spice" Addison feels Meredith lean into her.

"Let me kiss it all better," Meredith says as she plants a very light kiss onto Addison's still-sore forehead, as she feels Addison wrap her arms upon her.

"Mm, thank you, it feels much better now, but I want a _real_ kiss, may I?" Addison asks her.

"Ah, since you asked so politely," Meredith runs her hands down to Addison's head as she leans in to press their two foreheads together.

"You know, Spice, I know this is silly but I'm really curious to see what you taste like without all the lollipops," Meredith says to Addison as she rubs Addison's hair through her fingers.

"My morning breath isn't scaring you off, Sugar?" Addison jokes lightly.

"Nah, I need you like crazy, Spice, I've been up for ages waiting for you to wake up so I can do this again. It just feels really natural, you know, like it's just you and not all that candy," Meredith smiles into this.

Meredith is smiling into a lot of things, nowadays.

Addison smiles at her back as she nods to Meredith, then.

"I bet you taste even better than ever before, as just you being you," Addison leans in her lips as she melts them to Meredith's.

* * *

It's slow and smooth this time, just slow and smooth.

Lips melt like butter against each other, lazily tracing their tongues along with their teeth and their gums and the roofs of their mouths.

Meredith giggles a bit as Addison tickles the inside of her cheek with her tongue, and Addison laughs when Meredith does this right back to her

It wakes them up, fully, to this new dawn and a new day.

They can feel it really sinking in, that last night was not an anomaly.

This is for real, and this is continuing, and they haven't even been on a second date yet, but this feels like it is one, already.

* * *

Meredith moans first this time, as Addison kisses her harder.

She's becoming needier and needier for Meredith's warm lips on her own and she sucks Meredith's tongue harder to make it all happen for her.

"Mm," Meredith matches Addison's passion and teases her tongue against Addison's.

"You do taste good, even in the morning you taste good, to me," Meredith says these perfect things to Addison that make her melt into Meredith's caress even more.

"Mm, so do you, I'm addicted already, Sugar" Addison speaks her words into Meredith's mouth in between kisses, and Meredith still manages to understand her.

"Haha, funny. Next, you'll be saying things like... 'Hi, I'm Addison and I'm a Grey-a-holic, how can you help me?' and I'll say just give into your cravings, because the indulgence to avoid withdrawal is less stressful than depriving one'self of one's guilty pleasure," Meredith brings up an ancient inside joke about Cheetos, again.

"Does that make you a Montgomery-a-holic, then? Because I'm a little insecure here if my lips aren't as potent a 'narcotic' as yours are," Addison quips back, as she laughs internally as she once considered herself 'Grey-sexual', though she would never confess that to anyone, ever, and now Meredith is calling her 'Grey-a-holic'.

"Oh, absolutely. I'm already long past rock-bottom, Spice. And I'm just going to live my life growing more and more dependent on your sweet lips," Meredith answers her tenderly as she sucks Addison's lips into her own.

"Now that I have you like this, I don't ever wanna leave this room to stop making out with you," Addison groans as Meredith presses her tongue hard to the roof of her mouth again.

* * *

At the mention of 'leaving this room', Meredith sobers herself up instantly and reaches for the nearest timepiece, which happens to be Addison's broken pocket watch, which she rolls her eyes at because the needles still aren't telling time, so she reaches for Addison's phone, then, instead.

"We still have a little time, but not too much time, to be doing this, since we want to be early to tell Bailey and Richard about us, this morning, right?" Meredith tries to keep them both accountable for their processes and promises.

"Right, but I can keep kissing you now, right, Sugar?" Addison begs her.

"Oh, you keep begging me like that, Spice, you can kiss me anytime we're alone…" Meredith says in a low tone, and Addison latches her lips back on again.

This time Addison is the first one to stray her lips from Meredith's to nuzzle them down to her jawline. She sucks at the underside of its smooth shape as she manages easily to leave a hickey right there.

"Mmhm," Meredith mews out to her as she does this, and Addison smirks, knowing this one will be hard to cover with even a scarf and a shirt.

Addison plants sweet delicate kisses on Meredith's face, kissing her temple in the same place, where on her own body, there is a bruise.

Meredith sighs as she runs her hands over Addison's shoulders and moves closer to her, as they both sit on the floor of her bedroom, leaned up against the side of the bed frame, making out like teenagers at four-forty-one in the morning.

* * *

"Mm, we're gonna be late if we keep this up, Spice" Meredith warns, not quite strong enough to start pulling away yet.

"We'll be quick getting ready," Addison says anything that will make Meredith allow her to keep going, as she ghosts her lip along the side of Meredith's neck, now.

"Mm, as much as I want to just keep tasting your mouth for breakfast, I don't think that'll actually be enough calories for me not to collapse in the O.R," Meredith sighs as she finally pulls herself away from Addison's open lips.

"Okay, okay, we can start getting ready, then. I don't want you killing someone accidentally from falling into a chest cavity because I deprived you of breakfast," Addison sighs as she ghosts her fingers down Meredith's biceps as she pulls away from the kissing.

"Umm, do you care if we only have cereal?" Meredith blurts out suddenly because Izzie's the only one who can cook, and Alex usually does all the dishes, and Meredith usually gets groceries, and there's just the two of them here and she doesn't want to ask Addie to cook something.

"Sure, Sugar" Addison smiles, not thinking much of it, as Meredith stands up first and offers out her hand, yanking Addison up with the momentum from leaning back and forth once before pulling all at once.

"If you think my outfit is stupid, feel free to raid the closet, you already probably know it by heart, after all," Meredith offers, as she picks out some jewelry to wear as Addison reaches for the set Meredith laid out for her the night before.

* * *

"Nah, I want to wear whatever you came up with. I've done this for you before, I should give you the joy of using one's super-hot friend's body as a modeling canvas," Addison smirks up at her.

"Okay, go ahead, but no complaining if you say again that red doesn't match green because I got the idea from _your_ red-and-green scarf," Meredith quips back as she slides on a bracelet.

"It'll make it work, plus I mean I've been dressing myself to impress _you_ for the past while, so I don't really care about the rest of the human population of late," Addison admits boldly.

"Good to know, because that makes it easy for you. The most impressive thing you could wear for me is _nothing_ , but only in the bedroom of course, because I _do not like to share_ ," Meredith says, casually, again, to Addison this very sexual statement and it makes Addison flush like a madwoman.

"How do you always say such hot, hot, hot statements as if you were reciting a grocery list or something decidedly nonsexual like that?" Addison asks her, as she changes her socks and applies a bit of Meredith's moisturizer to her feet.

"Mm, it's not like it still isn't deliberate. I've just learned that the regular lilt of my voice balanced with my super obvious innuendos really gets you going, that's all," Meredith shrugs as she fixes her makeup.

"Alright, well I was already dressed, Spice, before you had your little… Injury… There, so I'm gonna stop distracting you and pour us some cereal as you get ready here. Use whatever you want of the beauty products, though I know they're not as _imported and exotic_ as yours are…" Meredith offers to Addison.

"Oh, yeah, they're not _all_ imported you know. Just that one was French and another is Japanese but I still use American beauty products as well…" Addison rambles, which just ends up proving Meredith's point, further.

"Okay, well, regardless, see you soon, and if you're really, really, good and pretty quick about it, I might let you kiss me some more before we head over to work," Meredith grins up at Addison, who starts immediately getting ready faster with the potential promises of more intimate moments.

* * *

"In the morning, when I wake up, why would I sing a so-ong, in the morning, when I wake up, I wanna sing a song…" Addison sings to herself cheerfully as she looks in the mirror, remembering this mirror from the picture Cristina once sent her, of Meredith.

She sings along with the birds chirping outside and the sun shining through Meredith's window as she puts on Meredith's actually really well-thought-out outfit as she gathers her things, makes the bed properly, and walks down the stairs.

"Sugar, i'm reeeeeeeeady!" Addison cheers at Meredith who is singing softly to herself, as well.

"Can I have more kisses now, please?" Addison begs her new _girlfriend_ for this.

"Why, of course, Spice, now aren't you a good girl getting ready so quickly" Meredith Grey whispers into her ear. And with that, Addison Montgomery's lips are upon hers, yet again.

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

******* END OF CHAPTER 41**

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

Hello friends, welcome back, hope the several hour pause wasn't too long a cliffhanger for ya :).

From here on out, the Chapters will probably be shorter than before (About 2000 words, maybe 3000? now), with more of a freeform, slice-of-life sort of slow-burn romance that these two definitely deserve. Lots of fluff, but still plot and angst and progress to come, and maybe even a Private Practice Crossover or two if you ask really nicely!

There's lots more coming, didn't mean to stress you out with last night's cryptic author's note. I have not given up at all, just wanted to 'sugar and spice' things up with a new season, new characters and a new story arc that will be more 'sexy', and maybe slightly less 'mystery person' and 'secret admirer' business, at least in the sense that we're waiting for those secrets to come out… And also the main characters are finally both 'out' and actually _girlfriends_ , there's that. :)

Hope that you enjoyed the Season 2 Premiere, can say that I loved writing it, at least, for you!

Let me know what you think, I _live for the comments_ and I wanna find out everything about your thoughts on this work.

Enjoy the next approximately 48 hours before the next installment. I'm still hoping to update _almost_ daily or at least every two days or three days... (is that a word, bi-daily, tri-daily, even?), now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

* * *

_Yours, truly,_

_bobbiejelly_

####  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)

  
  


* * *

_Dedications & Shoutouts for May 13, 2020. _

Ao3: Kristin_Aubrie for being the first one to comment on Chapter 40 & GabyBio for kudos on this work since yesterday!

Fanfiction: FireworkScrubCap for the awesome PM’s and reviews yesterday, idk if you read this one, but if you do thank-you & smountain for all the lovely PM and review chats as of late.

Wattpad: itslexipedia for commenting on the Season One finale, immediately, and profusely, and naylorholby for the very same.

* * *

**Further Reading, (Other works you may like. These are my other MerAdd works so far…):**

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

####  [ **Chasing Butterflies** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23365279)

####  [ **A Seattle Grace Mercy West Swingers Party - Post Plane Crash Edition** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604244)

####  [ **McCravings** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24077548)

####  [ **RED is the new BLACK.** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23737411)

####  [ **Five Reasons We Knew Calzona Was Made For Each Other & Five + More 6 Sentence Fics** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23515210)

####  [ **Out Of The Dark** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23528218)

####  [ **Hello, Seattle** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23480440)

####  [ **Peace Of My Heart** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23554429)

####  [ **Meredith gets her Mojo Back** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23008183)

####  [ **Tears Shed From A Drunken Conversation** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23468182)

####  [ **Who Can Screw the Shepherd Siblings Better? A Sex Bet Between Addison Montgomery and Mark Sloan.** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23613940)

####  [ **Elevator To Heaven** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23639659)

####  [ **To Build A Home - For Me & For You** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23718808)

####  [ **Sights of Seattle, Stars in the Sky** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23384917)

####  [ **Meredith Makes Her McCHOICE of a Lifetime.** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23684815)

####  [ **Chief Montgomery's Seductress** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24115456)

####  [ **MerAdd PROMPTS Consultation for @bobbiejelly - INPUT REQUESTED !** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23741428)

####  [ **After Italian** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24078883)

####  [ **'Merley' (Meredith Grey/Miranda Bailey), eventual MerAdd (Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery), mostly for Lesbi_Honest_FP** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24149845)

#### The whole MerAdd Series:

####  [ **MerAdd My Heart <3** ](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687834)

* * *

_Author’s Note 3:_

Well, that’s it for now, folks.

Happy reading,

Leave a note, it'll make my day!

Enjoy,

Much love,

####  _bobbiejelly_

####  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	42. Forty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "42" by Coldplay, An Excerpt.
> 
> And since I fell for that spell
> 
> I am living there as well, oh
> 
> Time is so short and I'm sure
> 
> There must be something more.

_Author's Note:_

Thanks for your patience with this, I know I skipped a day, apologies!

There have been some other short stories up yesterday, and they are linked at the end for you to check out if you want.

And without further ado, I present chapter forty-two. (Hey, that rhymes!)

bobbiejelly

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly. NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 42: Forty-Two**

* * *

_"42" by Coldplay, An Excerpt._

_And since I fell for that spell_

_I am living there as well, oh_

_Time is so short and I'm sure_

_There must be something more._

* * *

When the kissing finally stops with Meredith pulling away to check the time on Addison's (functioning!) watch on her wrist, Addison spies a decorated blue post-it note on the potted plant's flower pot. She goes to read it as Meredith bites her lip shyly, which Addison finds incredibly endearing as she sees this out of the corner of her eye. The note reads:

_"Addison, take an aspirin if you need it along with the whole glass of water before going to work in the morning. Your key is not stolen, it was borrowed so that I could drive the car to work in the morning like you promised I could last night. You'll get it back soon. Thanks for the Memories. Best Wishes."_

Meredith didn't sign it, as a joke because Addison didn't sign hers either at the time. But Addison knew and understood it, and she held it up to her heart and she said it was nice of Meredith that the "thanks for the memories" part wasn't crossed out on this note like it was on her own.

"Why did you cross that part out that first night?" Meredith asks her seriously.

"I was so embarrassed I had such a good time with my ex-husband's ex-girlfriend and mistress and that I got pretty drunk drinking with a first-year intern the night I left my husband in Seattle," Addison finally confesses.

"So you didn't want me to know you had a good time in case I remembered you and wanted to drink with you again?" Meredith puts it this way and Addison hangs her head a bit.

"Are you, still ashamed, you like hanging out with an intern, and are actually dating one, I mean, me?" Meredith asks her seriously.

"No, not now that I know you better, and now that I hate myself less than that night. I think I was worried about what people would think of me since they already talked about me behind my back and called me things like "Satan" and the 'wicked witch of wherever New York is'. But I promise I'm not ashamed of being with you, now, I would tell you the truth if I was, I've just changed," Addison says as she realizes this answer herself as she says it.

"For what it's worth, Addie," Meredith says, calling her by that name because she still likes it as well...

"I'm not ashamed at all to be dating someone people call "Satan" or a 'wicked witch' or whatever they say. You matter to me and whatever people gossip about, that's their life," Meredith reassures Addison, pulling her into a hug.

"Thanks, Meredith," Addison smiles as she does take the aspirin, and reassures Meredith it's only just in case as Meredith winces at this, hoping Addison is not feeling sick at all from them being up so very late.

"You know, I think we might need to get a frame for these post-it notes," Meredith smiles at Addison, and says she wants to keep all of her 'mystery person' notes in one place.

"That sounds like a fine idea, I'll have to talk to Cristina today about the roommate thing and maybe I can get this one framed and hung if she lets me hang things up in potentially my new apartment!" Addison smiles excitedly at Meredith.

* * *

"Do you have a favorite number?" Meredith asks Addison absently as she's scooping up some Sugarpops from the box into her bowl and pouring the milk all on top of it all.

"Yeah, why? Do you?" Addison shrugs as she tries really hard not to concentrate on the sounds Meredith is making with her mouth as she's inhaling the Sugarpops right from the box.

"Why this, all of a sudden? Meredith asks her with interest.

"Well, you asked me first?" Addison retorts, playfully.

"Well, I don't remember…" Meredith backs out of her original question.

Meredith is trying to come up with a clever way to ask Addison how long she'll need to be ready for sex.

But her way of going about this is so long and roundabout that she's trying to abandon this conversation for now and switch to something less specific.

"For what it's worth, mine is Forty Two, because I really like the song," Addison answers as she sees Meredith is freaking out about… something… And she doesn't want her to panic.

"That's a really good one, you know. The number, but the song I mean. "And since I fell for that spell, I am living there as well, oh. Time is so short and I'm sure, There must be something more." Meredith sings part of it to Addison to show that she knows it as Addison starts to sing along as she enjoys Meredith's sweet singing voice.

"Mm, I guess I like 42 because there was some news story about some monkeys picking it to be the answer to the universe or something," Addison smiles, saying she never forgot that. "What's your favorite number, after all?" Addison asks Meredith, gently, because she seems to be a bit embarrassed about it.

"I think mine might be 39, because that's how old you are now and it reminds me of you," Meredith blurts out before wishing she hadn't, because it makes her flustered and it takes Addison to kiss her again to stop panicking all over again.

And the contact soothes Meredith into a rhythm, and she's happy as they sit there making out in her kitchen, again for a few minutes.

"Have you had enough to eat?" Addison asks her after their lips have parted at a good and natural ending. Addie's motioning to the cereal, and checking her (functioning) watch on her wrist.

"Oh, yeah! We need to get going, you're right Spice!" Meredith puts away the cereal box.

"Why is it so fitting that my Sugar loves Sugarpops…" Addison sighs contentedly as she puts away the carton of milk, and picks up her purse from the table.

"Can you water the plant as I start the car?" Meredith asks her, halfway out the door before she remembers to circle back and put on her coat from off the floor where it was.

"Sure, Sugar, no problem," Addison grins as she gets a spare glass out.

As she puts her spoon and her bowl away (Meredith didn't use either, and Addison realizes for once she doesn't care about that) and washes it all, and then she waters the plant before heading out into her car.

Neither of them mentions the fact they each could drive separately because at least this way they'd have a perfect reason to circle back and water the plant together again that very evening.

* * *

"Is this your favorite song?" Meredith asks, while "Broken" by Lifehouse comes on the disc player again and they both sing along.

"Not anymore," Addison says cryptically because it really was until her favorite song became the one that Meredith sang her to sleep with that time.

"It's my favorite song because it reminds me of you," Meredith confesses to her. And it takes all of Meredith's willpower not to slip up and tell Addison everything when Adie promises her she'll burn her a mixtape copy.

Meredith hums as she drives when she's not singing along to the music, and Addison has to resist the urge not to rub her hands along Meredith's thighs or her hips as she drives because she doesn't want them to get in an accident.

(Or to accidentally start screwing in the back of her Mercedes instead of going to work…).

* * *

The moment they arrive in the parking garage for Seattle Grace, Addison puts her pass in the reader and Meredith picks up both of their bags. And it all feels very natural and neither of them even notice that fact to acknowledge it.

"So, what are the rules here, Addison?" Meredith asks her.

"What?" Addison asks her.

"Like, at work, how much PDA are you comfortable with? How slow do you want to be? These things are important I think, and I know you don't want me to bring up Derek all the time, but part of why we didn't work out is that we never had these conversations." Meredith explains in a grown-up way that really impresses Addison.

"Wow, oh, I supposed that's a good thing. I guess with Derek it was so long ago everyone knew we were married before we started our jobs. But I see what you mean. How about we stick to snuggling and kissing when we're alone, but the hand-holding and the arm around the shoulder/waist thing is alright for the hospital?" Addison offers.

"Does this mean I can sneak you into on-call rooms to make out with you?" Meredith asks her.

"Absolutely. But still taking it slow though, I'm not ready for sex with a new person yet, even if you make me horny like crazy," Addison says before she starts kissing Meredith and forgets to.

"So I can sneak you off to make out, as long as we keep all our clothes on and we keep things cooled down enough not to move too fast?" Meredith paraphrases.

"Yeah, that sounds alright. Though, I think it would be funny to kiss in a closet. You know, just for the irony," Addison laughs.

"Does that mean I can hold your hand now?" Meredith asks hopefully.

"Why don't we explain this to Bailey and Richard first, and then I'm all yours to hold hands with," Addison suggests with a smirk.

"Right. The plan. Oops," Meredith groans at herself. "What can I say, you make me wild," Meredith smiles at her.

* * *

As it turns out, telling Bailey wasn't as much of a shock as they'd secretly hoped for.

"Well hello 'Ms. McDreamy's', or should I be saying 'McHots'?" Bailey smirks at the two of them whispering in each other's ears daring each other to go first and say it.

"Umm," Meredith tries to come up with a coherent response.

"You know I'm going to separate you on the surgical rotation until you can keep your hands to yourself around each other, right?" Bailey grins at them, which turns into a smirk when she sees them leaning closer together.

"Hey, we weren't even holding hands!" Addison says to Bailey, who accepts this.

"I highly doubt that will be the case in thirty seconds when I walk away from you two lovebirds," Bailey quips at them and both Addison and Meredith blush at the accuracy of her answer.

"Well, I guess that could have worse," Meredith says to Addison, who cracks first and takes Meredith's hand into her own to give her a reassuring squeeze.

Bailey comes around the corner, later, to see those two still holding hands and chatting. And she motions for Meredith to come join her for a minute.

"Are you still alright with all this?" Meredith asks her, sincerely.

"I think that I am, Grey," Bailey smiles at her.

"Look, like I said before, Addison is a good person and a great friend of mine. Now I know I'm your resident, but I'm Addison's friend, also, so I have to be there for her, because she doesn't have a ton of friends here, that aren't your friends first," Bailey nods at Meredith, then.

"Oh, yeah, that would be great, Bailey," Meredith smiles at her.

"Now, I'm telling you this because I know your history with sneaking off to do some extracurricular things in this hospital with the other Doctor McDreamy, and he was lyin' to you the whole damn time. So I'm only going to say this once because I know it's about to get more and more tempting…" Bailey says to her in a very 'Bailey' expression…

"Yes, Bailey?" Meredith says in as confident a tone she can manage.

"What I'm sayin', is if you go off gettin' naked in this hospital, you better be damn sure that you're dressed and ready to care for any and all medical emergencies at all times all the same, you hear me," Bailey arches her eyebrows at Meredith.

"Yes, Bailey," Meredith promises, and wonders if Bailey will say that part to Addison later, or if she just assumes that she's going to be the one to always be pulling Addison aside for some 'intimate consults'.

"And Grey," Bailey begins, and takes a break before she continues. "Addison's been through a lot this past while, and she takes care of other people over herself sometimes. I hope you'll be there for her to take some of that off her, that's all, I think that you will, anyhow, I trust you with my friend, that's all I'm saying, for what it's worth" Bailey offers.

And it's the kindest thing that Meredith remembers Bailey ever saying to her, especially because it was really about Addison all along...

* * *

Later on, after Meredith catches up to Addison before rounds, she snuggles in close to her shoulders for just a quick hug alone.

Or, at least, they thought they were all alone in that hallway…

They get to saying "hey Spice" and "hey Sugar" and tucking each other's hair behind each other's ears before they hear a yell calling out to them in their direction.

"Meredith and Addison! My office, NOW" is the next thing that Addison and Meredith heard.

And they both go pale at the beckoning call of the Seattle Grace Hospital Chief of Surgery, Richard Webber.

"Take a seat," Richard motions for them to sit down, and they do.

"Now, I suppose you know why you both are here?" Webber asks them.

"Probably," Meredith says in a slightly nervous voice.

Meredith knows that Richard Webber knows they're both into women, but she wants his approval because he's always been sort of a father figure to her.

"Look, you did nothing wrong. Addison, you're not married anymore. Meredith, you waited until she wasn't married anymore," Richard goes on as Meredith reddens profusely at Richard's comment to her.

"So what are you saying?" Addison asks him, also a bit nervous because she knows Meredith means a lot to him.

"I'm saying I don't want you to feel you need to hide your relationship from me, though I understand if you want to be a little low-key for a while given the way people talk around here," Richard says to them both.

"Is there anything else?" Meredith asks him.

"Well, yes, you do have to fill out these forms for HR. And because you're her student Meredith, and because you're her teacher, Addison, I have to trust that your relationship won't affect your work with each other, or with any other patients or hospital staff, understood?" Richard offers them the forms and a pen, each.

They sign them, and before Meredith leaves, Richard pats her on the back and says "I'm proud of you, and I think your mom would be proud of you too, but she's too proud to ever say that to you," with a smile, as Meredith runs off to catch up to her friends.

* * *

Addison gets up to leave, but Richard shakes his head at her and says "sit down for a second, Addie. We do need to talk," and Addison understands he needs to say this to her, so she lets Richard continue without interrupting.

"She's like my daughter, you know," Richard Webber begins as Addison nods at him.

"So you treat her right, and you treat her friends well. Once a cheater is not for always. I know I'm the last person that should ever be saying that, but I mean it. I don't want to see you doing the shit that you pulled on Derek on her, do you hear me?" Richard says to her sternly.

"Of course, I would never," Addison says to him seriously.

"You know, I really do like you, as a colleague and a friend. We had good times together in New York all those years ago when you were my student. But she's my family, and she's sometimes all I feel I have left. So If it comes down to her or you, even though you are an attending and she is a resident, you need to be very clear which one of you I will choose," Richard says to her softly.

"Of course," Addison nods at him, smiling to herself that that's what Meredith's friends said to her.

"You have connections in New York you would be ok either way. But she needs this. She has nowhere and no one else except her mother who's not doing well. So if you break her heart, I'll have to send you away from Seattle, you hear me?" Richard motions for her to understand.

"How come you didn't say all this to Derek?" Addison asks him finally after she agrees to it all.

"Well, first of all, I did, before you were here, Addison," Richard says to her gently. "But also, I'm saying it to you more seriously now, because she's falling for you harder than she ever did fall for him," Richard gives her this insight, and Addison is proud and scared at the same time.

"Look, I know this might seem harsh, but it's the way it has to be. I know I'm not supposed to let me being Chief get confused with being Meredith's family, but she's like the kid I never had with Ellis, and I used to pour her cereal when Ellis sent Thatcher away when she was only five years old," Richard explains this.

"Well, for what it's worth, sir, I think it's phenomenal how many people stand up for Meredith," Addison smiles at Richard Webber as he says all of this.

"So, I guess you're going to be the person pouring her cereal from now on, huh," Richard smiles at her, now, to lighten the mood.

"Well, you see, sir. Meredith appears to like to eat it right out of the box…" Addison trails off because she realizes that might sound preposterous.

"Ah, of course, just like her mother, she would," Richard laughs as he nods for Addison to stay or go as she pleases now, and to begin her first day at Seattle Grace Hospital while being officially, even on HR papers, Meredith Grey's new girlfriend.

And damn, is she extremely happy about that 'fun fact'.

* * *

It takes about three hours for Meredith to eventually crack.

They're after finishing rounds, and so she has a spare moment to seek Addison.

This is the longest they've been apart from each other in the last 24 hours, and Meredith misses Addison already like it's an ache.

"Spice! Finally!" Meredith finally runs into Addison, by the vending machines, of course, like before.

"Sugar! It's you!" Addison expresses she missed Meredith as much as the Grey girl missed her.

And this time, unlike the last times, they don't need to have a near-faceplanting experience to hug by the vending machines.

But soon enough, the hugging is not enough for them anymore.

So Meredith laces her hand into Addison's and leads her off to be somewhere all alone together, the way she had wished that she could the last time they had that great day together.

* * *

"Mm, mm, mm," Addison moans. "Good heavens, you are insatiable," Addison groans out as Meredith backs her into the wall of the damn supply closet.

"Oh, come on, says you, who made the damn joke about us going into our 'seven minutes in heaven' closet because you felt nostalgia for this room because we slept under those super thin baby blankets" Meredith jokes to her as she keeps pressing her body to Addison's.

And Addison keeps groaning as Meredith keeps pushing because damn does this feel nice in the middle of a workday.

And maybe they should not be kissing all over Seattle Grace Hospital but Addison's always felt this flash of jealousy knowing that Meredith hooked up with Derek in places like this, with her, before.

So Addison keeps pulling on Meredith's collars possessively and motioning her to go on and continue because she wants to beat her ex-husband's record for hot-and-heavy makeout with Meredith Grey by ten miles at least.

So Meredith keeps lapping her tongue at Addison's lips, sucking them gently into her mouth before releasing them and starting all over again.

Addison fights the instinct to slide her hands under Meredith's clothes, as she settles with, holding her sides for dear life, and roaming her hands over Meredith's back.

Meredith discovers that Addison loves it when she moves her tongue quickly in and out of her mouth, so she does this as she feels Addison tighten the back of her scrubs and her white coat in fists at her back.

"Oh, oh, oh, keep going that feels really nice," Addison says as Meredith kisses her even faster with the strokes of her tongue. They're breathless again, and Meredith has her eyes squeezed shut, hands tangled in Addison's red, red hair.

"Ooh, I know it feels really good, Addison, but we have to stop now. I have to stop now because if we keep going like this, now, I'm going to want to do more. And we can't yet and you know that, so we have to stop because I only have so much self-control," Meredith sighs as she pushes her body away from Addison's.

Addison sighs as she reaches for Meredith again, but she's a bit far away from that on purpose, so instead, Addison leans her back on the door and slides down it, motioning for Meredith to simply sit beside her and talk.

* * *

"Thank you, Meredith. For being my moral compass. God, I can't believe that I'm saying that but apparently I'm a whole other person around you. Drinking with an intern and wanting to go out with you over and over. Kissing you and never wanting to stop. And I really like you for you, and I'm glad, because you're actually nice to me," Addison says to Meredith, then.

"You know, you really don't make it easy when you're begging me to keep going and you do that thing with your hands on my back that makes me want to rip all your clothes off," Meredith grins back at her. "But I get what you mean, I just want this to last. This is the fun part, in a way, seeing each of the levels of intimacy with each other. It's really nice, that's all. And you're good to me, too," Meredith says as she leans her head into Addison's shoulder.

And Addison brings her arm around Meredith, tucking her into the crook of her neck, and brushing a hair in behind her ear again, lightly.

"I think we need to talk about it, Addison. The sex, I mean. I think we need to have a serious conversation about how long you want to wait, how long I want to wait, and how those things end up working together," Meredith finally blurts out to her.

"Is that what this 'favorite number' talk was all about, this morning?" Addison asks her, feeling like she's finally figured something important out.

"Yeah, I guess that's what it was after all. Though I don't think we should pick our favorite numbers because we might hate them!" Meredith says with a grin.

* * *

"How about sixty days, Meredith? Sixty days with no sex, just the kissing. And we can reach maybe second base at day thirty if we're really feeling up to it?" Addison offers.

"Wait, by second base do you mean I get to touch your boobs over the shirt? Or without it?" Meredith asks as if this were a life-altering conundrum between them.

"Under the shirt, but over the bra," Addison finally decides this. "We can save the no-shirt-no-bra thing for day forty-five, so we have another milestone to celebrate," Addison settles on.

"Well, I guess that's pretty easy, then," Meredith grins at her mischievously.

"What do you mean about it being easy? You're the one who jumped me the moment we were in this supply closet," Addison chuckles at her.

"No, I mean not that part, the no-sex part is going to be hard even though it's going to be super fun teasing you. What's easy is we're basically saying that we want to be together in the long-game. And it's been a long time since someone has made that kind of commitment for me," Meredith says to her openly, and Addison pulls her tight at this and plants a sweet kiss on her temple.

"I'm not going anywhere, you know. I'm right here. And I need you just as much," Addison says now to Meredith. "It just feels right to say, and I know we're going slow but fast all at the same time. But we were enemies at one time, situationally at least. Then we took the time to be friends and to find ourselves again. And now, we're taking the time with each other," Addison smiles.

"You know what I'm going to spend these sixty days doing, Spice?" Meredith grins at Addison again, looking up from her place on Addison's tender shoulder.

"What, Sugar" Addison smiles at the use of their new private nicknames.

"Now I know I have sixty days to make you fall stupidly and madly in love with me so that the sex will be even better once it all finally happens," Meredith grins as wide as an ocean.

"Well, I guess I have sixty days to make you fall stupidly and madly in love with me back," Addison matches with a similar ocean-wide smile. "Because I already know from your kisses how good the sex is gonna be," Addison finishes her first thought.

And as they sit with each other through their mid-day break in that same supply closet they had once inhabited before they had been together as girlfriends, both Meredith and Addison reflected on what they just said to each other.

(As both "Sugar" and "Spice" were both thinking, simultaneously, as Meredith laced her hands into Addison's, that they were already stupidly and madly in love beyond reason, and that these sixty days were going to be a free-fall into another oblivion.)

* * *

*

*

*

*

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******* END OF CHAPTER 42**

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_"42" by Coldplay_

Those who are dead, are not dead  
They're just living in my head  
And since I fell for that spell  
I am living there as well  
Oh,

Time is so short and I'm sure  
There must be something more

Those who are dead, are not dead  
They're just living in my head, oh  
And since I fell for that spell  
I am living there as well, oh

Time is so short and I'm sure  
There must be something more.

You thought you might be a ghost  
You thought you might be a ghost  
You didn't get to heaven but you made it close  
You didn't get to heaven but you made it close

You thought you might be a ghost  
You thought you might be a ghost  
You didn't get to heaven but you made it close  
You didn't get to heaven but you oh, oh,

Oh, oh,

Those who are dead are not dead  
They're just living in my head  
Oh

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

Well, here's a second chapter for Season 2. As we can see, this transition into the hospital is the segue to this part of the book, which is focusing a lot about building and maintaining healthy relationships. I thank naylorholby who discussed with me earlier about how cute it was when Addison asked to kiss Meredith, and vice versa. This book is about showing consent and trust and I'm glad that this is showing! Wanting the best for these two, in this book.

Yes, the plot is about how maintaining a workplace relationship is challenging for a variety of reasons, and how this affects their life around others. I guess in a lot of ways, it's sort of like the relationships on the show, you know, if MerAdd were ever a thing on the show… Not that I'd apotheosize myself to that grandeur. But alas, what I'm saying is that the genre is changing, and I feel it and I bet you can feel it. And I hope you still want to read on for Season Two :).

Ps. No, I'm not going to make you wait actually 60 MORE Chapters for them to sleep with each other. Those 60 days will translate to LESS than 60 Chapters, but just how many I have no idea now. I'll just spoiler for you that it won't actually be sixty so you don't run away and never come back :D. And yes, if you were wondering, the 60 day number did come from a show reference.

Or maybe I'll forget I ever said that and I'll have 60 great Chapters to write before they have sex. Maybe you actually want that? Let me know in the comments what you think!!!

Enjoy the next approximately 48 hours before the next installment. I'm still hoping to update almost daily or at least every two days or three days... (is that a word, bi-daily, tri-daily, even?), now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

* * *

**THANK YOU FOR READING! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D**

* * *

_Dedications & Shoutouts for May 15, 2020._

Ao3: Kristin_Aubrie for being the first one to comment on Chapter 41 & Vanilla97 for kudos on this work since the last update! And the fans for the 2261 hits on this site, super!

Fanfiction: The many people who have been following me and favoriting me as an author and commenting on my other stories in the past few days! YOU ALL ROCK! Also, this story has 9,980 views now since April 01, 2020, which is WILD!

Wattpad: naylorholby, who has given me wonderful suggestions for McCravings, which I promise is coming soon! But this just ended up happening faster and I wanted to do McCravings justice when I had longer to do a long chapter. Also, for the 4.42K reads which is amazing! And Reneshli, itslexipedia also for commenting on Chapter 41 on Wattpad. Ty, for the 5 people who starred that chapter, who I can't seem to figure out who it is on this site. Help?

THANK YOU EVERYONE ELSE WHO IS READING THIS, YOU ALL MATTER TO ME!

* * *

####  **Further Reading, (Other works you may like. Posted or Updated Recently…):**

####  **[Cinnamon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24201019) \- NEW TODAY! A MerAdd One-Shot**

####  [**How It Happened**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24189838) **\- MerAdd, but with a twist. (Content Warning: Straight People sex to come in future chapters…)**

####  **[Five Reasons We Knew Calzona Was Made For Each Other& Five + More 6 Sentence Fics](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23515210) \- Nuff said, but there's lots of MerAdd there, too.**

####  **[Leaves From The Vine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24182968) \- A serious fanfiction about MerAdd post Derek.**

####  [**Half-Moon - A Vauseman Valentine**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15733095) (An Orange Is The New Black Fanfiction!)

####  [**You Know, I Know The Feeling…**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24169579) **\- Mark, Derek, Addison, and Meredith hate square tables.**

####  **[McCravings](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24077548) \- McDreamy, McSteamy, McMeredith and McHot all want McDonald's - What could possible go wrong?**

####  **The whole MerAdd Series:**

####  [ **MerAdd My Heart <3** ](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687834)

* * *

####  _Author’s Note 3:_

#### Well, that’s it for now, folks.

#### Happy reading,

#### Leave a note, it'll make my day!

#### Enjoy,

#### Much love,

####  **_bobbiejelly_ **

####  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	43. Sixty-Days, Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not sleeping with their girlfriend for sixty-days is probably the hardest thing that both Addison Montgomery and Meredith Grey have ever tried to do in their entire lives…

_Author's Note:_

Allusions to spot in Chapter 43...

The allusion to "Sleepless in Seattle" by CircusSpearIt on Fanfiction in this Chapter. Because that story is sweet. And that author just followed some of my work and I'm super delighted.

The allusion to "Not So Sorry in the Morning" by iamkellylouise on Fanfiction in this Chapter. Also, an amazing vignette and I just wanted to honor that, here.

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

####  **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

####  _In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by @bobbiejelly. NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You’re welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 43: Sixty-Days, Part One**

* * *

_Not sleeping with their girlfriend for sixty-days is probably the hardest thing that both Addison Montgomery and Meredith Grey have ever tried to do in their entire lives…_

* * *

Addison can't stop thinking about sex.

Specifically, she can't stop thinking about having sex with her new girlfriend, Meredith Grey.

And this is a serious problem since they'd just promised each other they wouldn't sleep with each other until day sixty-one.

And that was sixty-days from now and Addison's already set an alarm on her phone for when the exact moment she's allowed to let Meredith jump her bones, finally arrives.

Meredith had just left this supply closet at least ten minutes ago and Addison is _still_ trying to catch her breath from all of those amazing kisses.

Addison is thinking about Meredith's lips and her teeth and her tongue and the way Meredith had her up against the door as she likes.

She is thinking about how Meredith said she liked it when Addison gripped her scrubs at her back and when she begged her to keep going, and Addison chuckles out loud because she'd done all of those things mostly by accident.

_('Holy fuck', how am I ever going to get through sixty days…' Addison mutters now, to herself.)_

_('Wow I really am going to have to learn to 'touch myself' or whatever Meredith said so I can be 'not so sorry in the morning' when I at least wake up semi-sexually satisfied')_

_('Will I feel guilty if I'm having orgasms without her?' Addison wonders…)_

* * *

Eventually, Addison's thoughts are interrupted as she gets a page to _go be an actual doctor_ like she's supposed to, as an Attending physician at work.

It's Anna and Emmett, whose babies Maddison and Cris Stevens are about to be discharged.

"Thank-you, for everything," they thank her, and Addison says they are too kind and that they really should be thanking 'Doctor Grey', also as well as 'Doctor Stevens' and 'Doctor Yang'.

Addison has to force herself to use their professional names, even though she usually doesn't for these very MAGIC-al interns who are now sort-of her friends.

"Yes, would you thank them for us? We would like to see Doctor Grey, in particular, one last time before we leave. She was so good to us that night she was on-call. Do you know, well, I guess we'll tell you now, our little secret since we're leaving now anyhow…" Emmett says to Addison, mysteriously.

"You have a secret about being here?" Addison asks Emmett and Anna, rather intrigued at the prospect.

"Yes, we do. You see, the night Doctor Grey was on-call, we asked her if she could watch out for the babies while we went and had a quickie in an on-call room she let us into. It was the one right around the corner from here…" Anna points in that direction and Addison is instantly relieved it's not the same one Meredith and her had slept in that night.

"Wow, I didn't know she did that for you, but she really is very kind," Addison says, gushing a little and trying hard to contain her emotions.

"We're a bit surprised you're so supportive of this, seeing as you're her Attending, and all?" Emmett asks her, as Anna is also shocked that not one but two doctors are encouraging 'having a quickie' in a hospital environment.

"Well, I can imagine you've hardly had any time to yourselves, you surely deserve it," Addison says sweetly.

"You know, that sounds like almost exactly what Doctor Grey said, them," Anna smiles a bit wistfully, as she gives a half-wink to Emmett.

* * *

As if on cue or something ridiculous like that, Meredith Grey walks right in the door to ask "what sounds like something I said?" without missing a beat.

"Doctor Montgomery, here, was just saying as you did that night how it's great we got to have sex because we have been so busy lately," Emmett says to her calmly, but this sends both Meredith and Addison into a complete and utter tailspin.

"Oh-" Meredith says as she reddens, and then looks at Addison, and her eyes widen at Addison's also reddening face.

And then Addison feels completedly overwhelmed and flustered at Meredith walking in and the talking about sex and she has to sit down, so she does.

"Are you okay? Are you tired? Are you weak?" Meredith misinterprets her sitting down for something _actually medical_ and Addison doesn't have a chance to say anything before Meredith is running a hand down her back, supposedly to soothe her but it's having the opposite effect on Addison who is trying hard not to hyperventilate at the touch.

"Why don't we give you two a minute?" Anna offers, as she picks up one of the babies while Emmett picks up the other and they leave the room for a while.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asks Addison again, and this time because she's not supposed to be being an Attending Physician in front of actual patients and their parents, as well, Addison finally squeaks out an answer:

"Oh, yes, I mean, I'm not really too tired and I'm not weak, as in medically weak, I'm just a little weak at the knees because they're talking about sex and you walking in the room and we were just kissing and I'm just overwhelmed, that's all," Addison keeps on rambling on.

"Oh, so you're just hot and bothered, then?" Meredith smirks immediately, and this only ends up flustering Addison further.

"Oh, Grey, you have to stop looking at me like that while we're in a patient room, or else I'm going to lose my medical license by being completely inappropriate with you in front of the babies!" Addison eventually gets out in one breath.

* * *

"Mm, I like that I hardly have to tease you to work you up this much. This is going to be _so, so much fun_ ," Meredith purrs, as she continues stroking up and down Addison's back.

The touch is like fire, and it's setting Addison off, and eventually, Addison can't take it anymore she just blurts out:

"Okay, fine, you win, Jesus Sugar, just kiss me for like two minutes because I'm going to die if you don't!"

And with that Meredith brings her widening smirk to Addison's face, and she coos "as you wish, Spice" as she brings her lips firmly to Addison's.

Meredith keeps stroking Addison's back as Addison brings her hands to cup Meredith's face and chin.

And Meredith responsibly keeps their kisses to be closed-mouthed, sucking on Addison's lips but never running her tongue over them or inside of Addison's mouth so they can keep some control.

* * *

"Is your blood pressure down to normal, now?" Meredith asks as she pulls away dutifully after two whole minutes have elapsed.

"Better. I still want more, I always want more, but I think we should probably go do our jobs," Addison says to Meredith with a reluctant smile.

"Sounds good, to be continued, Spice," Meredith smiles as she pulls away from Addison and helps her up from the seat.

"Definitely, Sugar. We'll find a way to do this again soon," Addison promises because she can't keep her hands off of Meredith.

"Can we tell them we're dating?" Addison asks Meredith.

"Oh, of course, I mean the whole hospital probably knows by now, anyhow," Meredith grins at Addison.

"Right," Addison laughs, giving Meredith one last hug while they're alone.

"I'll go get Anna and Emmett," Meredith offers, as Addison catches her breath again.

"Thanks," she gets out in a breathless tone.

_('Well, at least I'm getting some exercise,' Addison thinks to herself, idly.)_

* * *

"We're dating, Addison is my girlfriend!" Meredith blurts out the moment Emmett and Anna and their babies are both through the door.

"Congratulations!" They both exclaim in perfect unison, before smiling up at them both.

"Have you?" Anna asks Meredith, alluding to the CD Meredith made for the 'secret admirer' she premed to be Addison.

"Not yet," Meredith answers her and Emmett quickly, "but soon!" Meredith adds excitedly, as Addison, who has no idea what Meredith, Emmett, and Anna are talking about, asks her about this.

"Oh, she was just asking if I had asked you out to the movies yet, and I hadn't, umm, but do you want to go to the movies with me, Addie?" Meredith asks Addison sweetly.

She says "Addie," now, because "Sugar" and "Spice" were only their private nicknames, but Meredith did like to say something special when asking Addison out on a date.

"Oh, yeah, I'd love to? What do you want to see? ' _Sleepless in Seattle'_ is totally my favorite!" Addison exclaims.

"Umm, I don't think that movie is still playing in theaters, but we can check all the same," Meredith smiles endearingly at Addison, who groans at her outdated movie suggestion.

"It is a good movie," Emmett helps Addison, as the four of them chat for a few minutes about different movie options.

"Well, I think we'd best be going soon, but thank you so much for everything. Tell Doctor Stevens and Doctor Yang our best for us," Anna offers.

"If you have a minute, I think Cristina and Izzie would really like to see you and the babies one more time before you all leave!" Meredith exclaims, and Addison nods at her suggestion.

"Yes, we would like to see them as well, we just didn't want to push our luck," Emmett smiles.

"Should I page them?" Meredith asks Addison who shakes her head.

"Let me do it, that way no matter where they are they'll have an Attending page to answer," Addison smiles as she pushes the buttons on her pager and then clips it back to her waist.

* * *

It takes all of two minutes before Cristina Yang and Izzie Stevens appear in front of Anna and Emmett's room.

"How is our namesake baby?" Izzie gushes, running for Cris Steven who is named after her and her girlfriend.

"Doing wonderful," Emmett offers.

"And Maddison, too?" Cristina asks them.

"All the same," Anna offers.

"And how are the two lovebirds doing?" Cristina asks bashfully, pointing between Meredith and Addison.

"We're going out to a movie!" Addison smiles at Cristina, stealing a bit of her thunder from the shock value of her statement.

And all of them smile and cheer, and they all take a selfied together before Anna and Emmett finally have to go for real.

"Let us know how it goes!" Emmett and Anna smiled at Meredith, winking to let her know they're talking about the 'secret admirer CD which they had correctly guessed had been for Addison all along," and Meredith promises she will, accepting the piece of paper with their email scribbled on it.

* * *

Later, once Izzie, Cristina, Addison, and Meredith are all eating lunch in the cafeteria together:

"Ooh, we could go on a double-date sometime, if you're up for that, of course, Cristina, and Meredith and Addison!" Izzie exclaims excitedly.

Cristina nods at her and Meredith and Addison nod at each other before nodding back at Cristina and Izzie.

"I think that means they're doing well," Izzie smiles at Meredith and Addison who are grinning widely like they are.

"Oh, Addison, I'm going to give you hell for all the times you said you were not a lesbian, and not into Grey at all!" Cristina smiled mischievously.

* * *

"Wait, when did that all happen?" Meredith exclaims in utter shock.

"Erm, she's sort of the person I call 'Skippy Gold' on my phone," Addison admits before Cristina says it for her, and offers Meredith her phone to read all those old texts.

"You've been texting MY girlfriend for ages now!" Meredith exclaims at Cristina.

"She was wingwommanning me to get with you the entire time," Addison offers, as Meredith discovers this for herself while reading all the messages.

"That's a big relief," Izzie sighs, releasing a breath she didn't know she'd been holding as she realizes that that means Cristina had been texting Addison while they had been together.

"Wow, I didn't know you sent her that picture, but I like to think she looked at it at night," Meredith smiles as she reaches near the end of Addison's texts with 'Skippy Gold'.

"The actual Skippy Gold is not my cousin if you haven't figured that out," Cristina laughs.

* * *

"Good, because that would be weird, for you to be related to a guy who took Addison to prom," Meredith contemplates, even though all of that, for Addison, was back in high school.

"So now that this whole 'mystery person' thing is all over, does this mean you can stop texting my girlfriend all the time, Addison?" Izzie asks her.

"Yes, of course, and you know we were never more than friends," Addison offers her.

"Thanks for helping me out with the food suggestions," Izzie offers, and nods at Addison to let her know she's not acutlaly mad, just slightly jealous, and Addison understands the feeling.

"I can't believe you really thought you were that straight," Meredith laughs as she reads more texts between 'Cardiogodess' and 'Skippy Gold' from ages ago.

"I think I had a lot of self-hatred, and self-denial, and gay panic all wrapped into one," Addison shrugs and tucks into Meredith to let her know she's not experiencing all of that anymore.

"So do you all want to go to a movie sometime?" Izzie finally asks them, coming back to the original subject.

"Sure!" Meredith and Addison exclaim at the same time which makes them giggle, and Cristina nods and says to book them tickets to the latest Pixar release.

Once Izzie and Cristina finish their lunch, they sneak off not-so-subtly to go make out in an on-call room.

And Addison and Meredith try to do the same for a while.

* * *

"Okay, so how are we going to do this without slipping up and going too far?" Addison asks Meredith, while she's the one pressing Meredith to the back of the door this time, clicking the lock to the on-call room shut behind them.

"Well, so far I've been the one to pull back, so why don't we try this and you can see if you can do it when you feel you're starting to lose control? And if you don't pull away at all I promise that I'll stop us?" Meredith offers as she peppers tiny kisses onto Addison's shoulders.

"Okay, I'll try it. And you promise you'll stop when I say stop even if you have more willpower than I do?" Addison asks, wanting to be sure.

"Of course, I'll take what I can get, and I want you to practice this, though I must say it's really turning me on that this is 'such a problem' for you how hot the making out is for you," Meredith smirks a sexy grin.

"Okay, starting kissing you now because we still don't have all day!" Addison says as Meredith says "finally!" as Addison squishes Meredith into the door and attatches her lips to hers.

Addison enjoys being the one pressing into Meredith, which is a first for them thus far.

She plays a bit more of the aggressor this time, taking a bit more control of the interaction. Addison brings her hands to the wall behind Meredith, bracing herself as she leans in more and sucks on Meredith's tongue.

Addison smirks into the kiss the way she's felt Meredith do when Meredith starts moaning out "more, Spice, more,". So Addison keeps suckling Meredith's tongue as she feels Meredith's hands wander up her back.

And Addison understands now what Meredith means because she's doing the thing to her back that Addison must have been doing before, she's tightening her hands around the back of Addison's scrubs and it's really nice on Addison's skin.

"Mm, mm, good," Addison groans into Meredith as she feels her hands start to wander over her back more.

Addison loves the way Meredith's lips are meeting hers in rhythm. They are matching very smoothly and increase their pace as the kisses become needier and needier.

"Yes, yes," Meredith moans into Addison as she presses her body closer, and Meredith grips onto Addison's shoulders.

Addison brings her hands to hold Meredith's shoulders back as they come up for a breath at the same time before delving in again to their sweet, sweet kisses.

* * *

Meredith does the thing again, where she starts thrusting into Addison's mouth quickly with her tongue, and Addison moans out obscenely at this, chanting "Mer," with soft happy-kitten whispery tones.

And Meredith can feel they are heating up a lot, but she wants to see where Addison will set the pace, so she keeps going because she knows she really loves this, but she knows that she could still stop.

"Okay, okay, okay, wow. Maybe I need a break for a minute. Holy shit, okay," Addison babbles incoherently as she presses on the wall on either side of Meredith to catch her breath and calm herself down.

"Good for you, good girl, good job Spice," Meredith praises her with a gentle hand upon her shoulder.

"Thanks, Sugar," Addison smiles. "Damn you were right about the holding onto the back thing, it really does feel nice," Addison smiles.

"Yeah, not everything is that way, like not everything you do you might like back the same way, but I guess we both like that," Meredith smiles at Addison.

Addison nods at her and presses absently on the hickey she still has on the soft spot on her neck.

* * *

"Does it hurt?" Meredith asks her.

"Oh, God no, it just turns me on completely," Addison says and realizes that she's said this, and she's starting to feel a little less embarrassed talking about intimacy with Meredith.

"Mm, good to know. Next makeout I will be taking advantage of your little sweet spot there," Meredith promises, as Addison's eyes darken already in pleasure.

"Oh, wow, okay, I think I'm going to leave this room first while you recover. Wait five minutes before you leave so everyone doesn't have to think we just got laid, got it?" Meredith asks Addison, and Addison realizes that she knows more about this than she does.

"Right, five minutes," Addison confirms.

"Sixty days is heaven and hell in one, isn't it, Spice" Meredith grins.

They both reflect on their self-control being tested so far and know this to be true.

"You said it, Sugar," Addison smiles up at her girlfriend as Meredith waves back behind her.

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

***** **END OF CHAPTER 43**

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

Hello, friends. This is back! So these updates may not be daily, as mentioned, for Season 2 of "Falling Apart, Barely Breathing," mainly because I'm working on a lot of other MerAdd one-shots and multi-chapter stories I also want to give some time to. I have not abandoned ship though, I promise I'll always come back, though your comments help a lot with that.

Let me know what you think about the fluff and the intimacy in these recent Chapters. I'm thinking of introducing more plot here because I worry about it being too 'boring' now and overly fluffy, but it's been so angsty for so long I thought they deserved some peace as well. Plus the return of Cristina and Izzie to the story, and the promise of a double-movie-date :D.

Also let me know in the comments if you have any favorite patients you'd like me to include here, from the show or fictional ones you just made up. Now that our previous cast of patients and their families have left Seattle Grace (Tom and Bonnie from the train, the newly Lesbian couple, John, Serenity, Anna, Emmett, Maddison, Cris Steven…) it's time for new ones…

And no worries, all those above patients are not forgotten forever (John, especially, I know is beloved by many fans), they are just happy, not sick enough to require hospitalization, which is a good thing for them! Anyway, thanks again for reading this chapter. Hope you will leave me a note, I love the ones I get almost instantaneously this is posted up on Wattpad, I must say!

This Chapter is dedicated to: (May 17, 2020).

Ao3: AddisonAddek who even uploaded a whole story upon my request to Ao3 today and commented lovely things on my new work. Also, onceuponasilasuniversity who commented on "Meredith Gets Her Mojo Back" which makes me smile because it's been a while since my first MerAdd work but I super appreciate it. Also, this story has 2345 hits on Ao3 now, thanks!

Fanfiction: Kelmtb who has been working their way through everything I've written today or so it seems, THANKS! CircusSpearIt as mentioned before who has been reading a bunch and I love it. There are currently 10 425 hits of this story on that site and it blows me away completely! And RAD092515 who also just added "Confessions of a Workaholic:" to their fav list.

Wattpad: naylorholby for commenting on the last Chapter so nicely. The 5 people who put a star on Chapter 42. And unicornbaby78 who chatted a bunch about McCravings last night. TheNetflixGal who is around commenting. Outlawqueenpercabeth, Danielaperezsurga, itslexipedia who always reads this the instant it is out. Addiesbaby who is around I miss u in the comments this past like 2 days but I know you're around. And to my new followers as of late and the people who just added this to their reading lists! This has 4.78K reads and 298 stars!

AND TO EVERYONE ELSE READING THIS CHAPTER MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL!

As for other recent projects, [**Confessions of a Workaholic: Addison and Meredith's Story(s).**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24238420) Is a new MerAdd work just started and posted the pilot of that today. [**Chief Montgomery's Seductress**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24115456) now has a Chapter 2. [**McCravings**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24077548) now has a Chapter 3, and [**Do You Like Elton John?**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24216628) , a “Killing Eve” work has 3 Chapters so far.

Let me know what you think of all of that, and I wish you happy reading, friends!!!

* * *

  
  


**THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU !!!!!**

  
  


* * *

_Author’s Note 3:_

Well, that’s all for now, folks, unfortunately, I must say.

Thanks of course for reading, I will chat with you soon in the comments.

Much love and yours, truly,

bobbiejelly

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	44. Dynamite, Triple-Threat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Cause I told you once
> 
> Now I told you twice
> 
> We gon' light it up
> 
> Like it's dynamite
> 
> -Dynamite, by Taio Cruz

_Author's Note 1:_

So I just reread "Brown Sugar and Lavender" in parts and realized I got the idea of a patient naming their baby 'Maddison' from there. Apologies for the accidental plagiarism. Much apologies.

Also, please never take medical advice from this fanfiction. I just literally invent cases from what I've seen in this and other medical dramas, and make-up treatments based on what I think is the gayest. It's not actual doctoring, more like 'playing doctor'.

Okay, and I'm stopping this author's note, now.

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly. NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 44: Dynamite, Triple-Threat**

* * *

_'Cause I told you once_

_Now I told you twice_

_We gon' light it up_

_Like it's dynamite_

-Dynamite, by Taio Cruz

* * *

Derek Christopher Shepherd notices the bite marks on Meredith Grey's neck as she walks past him, but he doesn't say anything until he sees a telltale bruise on Addison Montgomery's neck.

"Well, I see you two had fun last night," Derek actually smiles at them, and it throws Meredith off much more than Addison.

"We did," Addison smiles at Derek's smile, which she is grateful for.

Meredith is a little embarrassed that they actually forgot that they were supposed to be wearing two scarves.

"I think you still have some of her lipstick on you, Meredith, you might not want that to stain your shirt…" Derek trails off a bit.

"Oh," Meredith blushes, as she looks at Addison in surprise.

"It's a nice color on you, it's still on your lips," Addison smiles at her.

"Did she tell you about how I found that spot on her neck?" Derek asks Meredith, pointing to Addison's bruise.

"No I didn't, Derek," Addison cuts Derek off as he's smirking a bit, and she wants to make it clear that Meredith found her sweet-spot all on her own.

"Oh," Derek says shyly, not knowing quite what to say to that.

"I just guessed," Meredith smiles, and Addison wraps her arm around Meredith possessively.

"Of course you did, you are very perceptive," Derek smiles again, and it loosens them both up a little.

"Are you jealous, Derek?" Meredith asks him with a bit of a bite.

"Well, I mean, I guess I am a little, I mean my ex-girlfriend was just kissing my ex-wife, so I have to feel a little bit jealous, now don't I?" Derek quips back.

Derek gives Addison a look to show her he's just jealous that the two of them are kissing at all, and Addison nods to accept this, wishing Derek had someone to love him as well.

"Well, I guess we'll see you around?" Meredith tries to end the conversation.

"Yeah, no problem," Derek says to them and he walks away.

* * *

"I might be a little bit crazy, Spice," Meredith begins "but I want to suck on your hickey more now that Derek just mentioned he knew about that damn sweet spot, and I want to make you feel more than him," Meredith growls.

"Whoa, okay, sure, Sugar," Addison says as Meredith drags Addison into a single-stall bathroom.

Meredith clicks the door shut and locks it, and true to her word, she latches her lips to Addison's sweet spot on her neck and she swirls her tongue and her lips around it until Addison is clenching her fists on Meredith's hips.

"Oh, oh, oh, damn, Sugar" Addison mews as Meredith laps at it like a cat.

"Good girl, good girl, Spice," Meredith praises as Addison's hands dig more into her hips.

Addison clings on tighter, as Meredith cradles Addison just to nibble very lightly onto the existing purple mark, turning it a bright red again, as she pleases Addison just with her mouth there.

"Wow, Meredith," Addison moans as Meredith holds Addison up and keeps moving faster. She can feel Addison's body heating up under hers and melting like putty under her steady hands.

The physical affection helps Meredith and Addison get through the next while, as Meredith is covering the pit, and Addison has to interview one of her patients.

* * *

'I throw my hands up in the air sometimes, saying' ay-oh, gotta let go…'

Addison Montgomery finds herself singing more and more just around than before, these days.

She imagines it's because she's so happy with Meredith, and she doesn't want that ever to change.

Speaking of Meredith, she's waiting for her to finish up a case so you two can go feed the plant together again this evening.

Neither of you would have imagined that you'd be caught up at work for something like _this._

"Patient is a Jane Doe, looks about middle-aged, and caught fire from a dynamite injury!"

Addison hears Meredith Grey shrieking from the ambulance bay.

* * *

She's right about the damn dynamite. The patient looks charred to the bone, and you're sure she might never recover from this.

"Help her, Addison, in case she is pregnant!" Bailey bellows at Addison and it snaps her out of her daze.

"Get me an ultrasound machine!" Addison bellows, and one of the other interns complies, as Meredith keeps pumping onto her chest.

"We need to defibrillate!" Bailey presses the code button as someone pulls up the crash cart.

"Clear!" She yells, and Meredith hops off the patient and sort of lands into Addison's arms.

Addison wraps her arms around her and helps her away from the shocking paddles, and Meredith smirks as she's managed to extract this kind of PDA in front of the hospital.

Addison doesn't want to let go of Grey, but she does because they're both being doctors and the patient is actually potentially, actually, _dying._

* * *

Bailey yells at Meredith to get her an 'adenosine' and she does, and Addison gets out the syringe and flicks the needle twice before administering the drug.

It works, luckily, and the patient's heart stops for a few seconds, but this time on purpose, before restarting again.

"She's waking up!" Meredith exclaims with glee.

"Can you tell us your name?" Bailey asks her softly.

"My name is Shanon. Shanon Sparks," she says very quietly.

"Well, hello, Shanon," Bailey says to her, smiling.

"Would you like to tell us what you were doing with the dynamite?" Meredith asks her.

"And are you pregnant, or could you be?" Addison jumps in.

* * *

"We were just hanging out, there was lots of space in the field, I thought it would be fun to play with it like fireworks, but apparently it's not the same thing," Shannon Sparks says.

"And about a potential baby?" Addison asks her seriously.

"I have no idea," Shannon says, so Addison motions to Bailey to bring the ultrasound over.

"The gel might be cold," Addison says to Shannon as she nods.

Addison puts the gel on before she starts up the machine and looks around the patient's uterus.

None of them ask when she last had unprotected sex, because they figure it will show or it won't, but they order an STI test to the bloodwork and urinalysis, just in case.

"You are pregnant, but it's very early," Addison smiles at her.

* * *

"Wow!" Shannon Sparks exclaims. "I'm excited I'm pregnant," she says, and it's a relief for them all.

"Is there anyone you want us to call for you?" Addison asks her, not wanting to ask directly about who the 'father' could be.

"Yeah, my boyfriend," Shannon motions to her cell phone, and Meredith picks it up.

Her eyes widen at the contacts because there are three entries under 'boyfriend' and they are named 'boyfriend 1, boyfriend 2, and boyfriend 3'.

"It's not those ones," Shannon explains to them. "Those are my best friends who are boys. I named them that to make my real boyfriend jealous. My actual boyfriend's name is called 'Felix Smallwood' in my phone, and in real life," she answers.

Meredith chuckles a little, and Addison does too, meeting Meredith Grey's eye, and leaning in a bit to her, to whisper, "you better not be getting any silly ideas,".

Bailey motions for Meredith to step out to call Shannon Spark's boyfriend, Felix Smallwood, and to ask him to come to Seattle Grace Hospital.

And she does, as she leaves Addison and Bailey to tend to her wounds.

* * *

"She needs a plastic surgeon, Addison, and a good one at that…"

Bailey trails off, because she doesn't want to ask Addison outright, but Addison picks up on the fact that she is talking about Mark Sloan to her.

"Oh," Addison sighs. "You're right, do you want me to call Mark?" Addison asks Bailey.

Bailey nods at her pleadingly, and Addison says that she will later.

Addison feels she should give Derek a heads-up first, but Bailey says it's emergent and pages Richard Webber to see if they can fly him in from New York, on a helicopter that evening.

Richard emerges in record time and calls the hospital where Mark works currently and asks them to send for him. It's all handled through the medical networks, and Addison doesn't get a chance to tell her old friend anything.

"We're going to get you some help, Shannon Sparks," Richard Webber promises her.

"I hope this won't be an issue, Addie," Richard says softly to Addison.

"It should be okay, he might be in for a surprise with me and Grey, though," Addison laughs.

Meredith pouts a bit that her uncle Richard is calling her Addison 'Addie'.

And Addison sees this, so she moves over to tuck a hair back over her ear and whisper "you're only mine, Sugar," to reassure her.

It works, because she's saying "thanks, Spice," with a whisper, and then they move away from each other before they can get yelled at by Bailey and/or Richard.

* * *

Mark Sloan's arrival to Seattle does not begin in the way Richard Webber and Miranda Bailey might have hoped for.

Meredith didn't know who he was, so when he started hitting on her she just kept talking, thinking it was all innocent.

"Woman with burns from dynamite, huh, well, I guess if I'm here then she's not a goner, right?" Mark husks to Meredith, not knowing that she's not even single.

"Sensitivity, I like that in a stranger. Are you new here?" Meredith quips back at him.

"Visiting. Confounded by all the rain and I've been here for barely two hours," Mark says wistfully.

"You get used to it," Meredith rolls her eyes a bit.

"You know, it makes me want to stay in bed all day," Mark says, not very subtly.

"Wow, we just met, and already you're talking about bed, not very subtle" Meredith smirks at him, now.

"Subtle has never been my strong suit," Mark says to her.

* * *

Meanwhile, Addison is coming around the corner, and Derek is spying all of this from behind the window.

Both of them are jealous; Addison of Mark and Derek of Meredith.

And both of them are incredibly angry at the flirtatious interactions, accidental or not, that are happening at the nurse's station.

"So, do you ever go out with co-workers?" Mark asks her, and Meredith blushes as she thinks of Addison, and Mark misinterprets this for something else.

"Well, I almost made it a rule not to, but then I found someone I couldn't resist at all," Meredith says dreamily, thinking of her new girlfriend.

But Mark thinks she's talking about him, so he goes on to say "well, I am so glad that I am about to work here," without saying his first or his last name.

"Meredith," the intern hands out her hand politely.

But he doesn't get a chance to introduce himself as Derek Shepherd's fist collides with his shoulder.

* * *

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Meredith asks him, but Derek is holding his hand so Addison answers.

"That was _Mark!_ " Addison explains to Meredith, as she punches Mark in the jaw.

"MARK SLOAN, THE ONE WHO SLEPT WITH YOU!" Meredith shouts at Addison but also to everyone and no one at all in particular.

Off Addison and Derek nods, Meredith rolls up her tiny, ineffectual fists, and punches Mark Sloan until he hits the ground bleeding.

"MARK SLOAN YOU STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND. SHE'S NOT YOURS ANYMORE AND SHE NEVER WILL BE AGAIN. AND I HATE YOU ON PRINCIPLE FOR BREAKING HER HEART AND DEREK'S. AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU HATE THE RAIN OR NOT, OR IF WE BOTH USED TO BE THE 'DIRTY MISTRESSES'. THERE WILL BE NO CLUB WITH US TOGETHER IN IT, SO DON'T TRY TO HIT ON ME OR HER, EVER AGAIN!"

Meredith finishes her rant and she's panting, and Addison is holding onto her shoulders, leading her away behind closed doors by the waist now, to see if her fists are hurt.

* * *

"You know, Mer, you do have a great shot for your so-called 'tiny, ineffectual fists', Addison smiles at her more widely once they are alone.

"You're not bad yourself, Addie," Meredith smiles at her, as she lets Addison pull out an ice pack and they share it between both of their slightly bruised hands.

"Well, it looks like Mark got the triple-threat-welcome," Meredith sighs, and eyes Addison as if to say 'he totally deserved it'.

And Addison laughs and says she'll try to explain to Bailey and Richard if they haven't figured it out by her yelling.

Meredith and Addison stay there for a while, in the conference room, the same place where Addison got a divorce recently.

* * *

And when their hands feel healed enough they're not throbbing, they can't keep their hands off of each other enough to stop themselves from touching each other.

So Addison lands on Meredith's lap as the blonde pulls her by her white coat collars.

And Meredith holds her there while kissing on Addison's shoulders and pulling her collar back to give her more access.

Addison purrs as Meredith sucks little marks into her skin, and she whimpers when Meredith nibbles and nips up to her neck.

"Christ, I can never get enough of you," Addison moans as Meredith runs her hands over Addison's scrub shirt, but under her white coat.

And the warmth of Meredith's hands causes Addison to cling onto Meredith's hair and tug at it a little.

"That's it, Spice, give it to me right back," Meredith moans as Addison keeps pulling her hair gently and Addison seals their lips back together.

Addison parts their lips and their tongues meet in the middle, soft muscle over flesh and it makes their insides melt.

"You taste delicious, as always, Sugar," Addison husks in a low tone as she keeps making out with Meredith.

Before this, Addison would never be caught making out in every damn room at her workplace.

Before this, Meredith didn't care enough to want to fool around with a partner at least twice in the middle of every single day.

But Meredith and Addison were different from each other, and neither of them wanted this to stop.

So they just keep holding onto each other, Addison's hips moving over Meredith's as they suck on each other's lips languidly...

* * *

They continue, that is until the door creaks open and they can hear the grunt of a man's voice clearing his throat.

"Wow, you weren't kissing when you said you date co-workers!" Mark Sloan grins widely at Meredith.

"Go away, Mark," Meredith frowns at Addison's ex-dirty mister.

"What, can I watch, please, Red? I never knew you were a lesbian, but you know how I feel about hot and horny girl-on-girl!" Mark begs in a pleading tone.

"NO! CLOSE THE DOOR AND GET OUT MARK!" Addison shouts at him, not humoring him for a second.

"I think I need stitches, do you want to suture me up? You're Derek's famous dirty mistress I heard all about in New York, right, Meredith? You're famous and I'm not surprised you seduced so many fine, fine, Attendings…" Mark keeps going on.

"Go find Derek, Mark! Let him do your damn stitches, or hold the mirror for all I care! GO FIND HIM NOW!" Addison yells at Mark, and he seems to be used to Addison's yelling, so he knows that she's serious.

"Well, I guess I would mind seeing my best friend for a while. I did come here for him, and not you, you know. I came to get Derek back. I think I'll ask him for a drink sometime…" Mark Sloan mutters as he closes the door and wanders down the hallway.

"God, I thought he would never leave. I get he has muscles and sensitivity and charm at all, but really, Addison? I can't believe he's your type!" Meredith says incredulously to Addison.

* * *

"You know, this is crazy of me, but I'm liking what he does to YOU, for ME," Addison smirks up at Meredith.

"Oh, you're going to pay for that," Meredith smirks back at Addison wildly.

And true to her word, Meredith made good on that promise.

She has Addison flipped in position so that she's sitting right on the chair now, and Meredith is straddling her, and holding her hands above her head so she can't touch her back.

"No moving. Not an inch. Or I walk away," Meredith says to her seriously, and Addison accepts her command.

"If you tell me to stop, I will. But if you don't, you're at my mercy, alright?" Meredith husks to her, her voice an octave lower than ever before.

"Yes, Sugar. I'm yours. I'm only yours…" Addison hushes out.

"Good girl, Spice" Meredith answers, as she lowers her lips to Addison.

She starts doing the thing she knows Addison loves, where she shoves her tongue in and out of her mouth.

She holds Addison's wrists high until they both can feel the circulation draining a bit.

And Addison is sinking into the chair, bracing her back against it for dear life, and allowing Meredith's mouth to swallow her cries as she calls out for Meredith over and over, in the very conference room where she left Derek, and gave up Mark to him, once upon a time not very long ago...

* * *

Once they both look presentable again, and once they're sure everyone is going to ask where they were, and 'healing our hands' would no longer suffice as an excuse, Meredith and Addison both get some ice water to cool themselves off, before heading to the patient's room to check on her.

They walk past Derek Shepherd holding a mirror for Mark Sloan as he sutures, and Meredith chats with her intern friends as Addison watches on.

"Why is he suturing his own face?" George eventually asks, and Meredith is impressed a bit, thinking that Addison had been kidding when she suggested that earlier.

"To turn me on!" Cristina exclaims, and Izzie agrees with her, and they both squeeze closer as they bond over how they can still talk about hot men with each other.

Alex Karev says "he's Mark Sloan, he's one of the go-to guys for plastics on the east coast,".

"What should his nickname be?" Alex Karev asks.

"That's the guy that Addison slept with!" George exclaims, as

George looks at him with jealousy, and Alex smirks at this and punches him in an 'intimate way' if that's even possible to describe.

"Well, you can't really blame her," Izzie adds now.

"No, not really," Cristina says mostly to her own girlfriend.

* * *

"McSexy wants an X-Ray to check for fractures," Meredith rolls her eyes as she says this, but Addison hears her say 'McSexy' about Mark, and she squeezes Meredith by the shoulder to get her to look up at her lustfully.

"And I think it's a bad idea if I take him," Meredith motions with her eyes to Addison, and the interns seem to understand her predicament.

"Alright, I'm on it," George offers and stops leaning onto the counter.

"Why is it a bad idea?" Cristina teases. "McSexy?" She raises her eyebrows at Meredith.

"No," Meredith snorts a bit.

"McYummy?" Izzie tries, but Meredith says to her "no", again.

"McSteamy," Meredith says with a bit of a menace, but the interns turn around to compare him to McDreamy, and they think this is an acceptable McNickname for Mark Sloan, now.

"Yup, there it is," Izzie smiles, and Cristina also smiles.

And George says that he'll just be around "choking down some McVomit," reassuring Alex that he's not going to steal his professional idol.

"Well, are you all going to help Shannon Sparks, or what? Go run her labs, and George you can take Mark Sloan, up for an X-Ray when he is finally ready!" Addison nods to them all, asking them to scatter and stop staring at her ex-husband helping her ex-dirty-mister sew up his own wounds.

Addison doesn't want any of them to find out Derek's secret before he comes out when he's ready, and by the McDreamy eyes that are staring at the newly named "McSteamy" that his secret won't be safe for long if the interns are all around them together.

* * *

So all of them scatter, except for Meredith, who turns to Addison with a smirk.

"Well, come on, his showing up here made me jealous as hell. And we can appreciate "McSteamy" as a complimentary nickname, right?" Meredith says seductively to Addison.

"On-call room. Now. Meredith." Addison husks.

And Meredith needs no more encouragement before she's dragging Addison into one.

Addison is pulling onto Meredith's collars now, as she drags them to the edge of one of the beds until their knees hit the side and they collapse on it next to each other.

"You know we still can't have sex, right?" Meredith reminds her that they are nowhere near their 'day sixty'.

"Oh, I know. But I can still ravish you with my kisses," Addison says as she goes to remove Meredith's white coat and Addison takes off her own.

They grasp at as much bare skin as they can, namely the flesh on their arms and their necks.

* * *

Addison holds onto Meredith by her back as she nips Meredith's neck all over in little bites, before devouring her earlobes until her teeth leave a little scar.

And Meredith just holds onto Addison's waist higher, as she's the one to say "oh, oh, oh, Spice, oh," now, as she enjoys all of Addison's kisses.

"Let me hear it, Sugar. I want to hear you call out for me," Addison husks, motioning to the locked door, so they don't need to worry so much about that right now, here.

"Oh, Spice, keep doing that thing to my neck, oh it's good, you're good, you're so good to me," Meredith babbles as Addison sucks another hickey into Meredith's skin.

"I want to show off these love-bruises for Sloan," Addison hushes, as Meredith agrees and bites Addison back on the shoulder, before soothing it over with her whole tongue.

"Agreed, you are mine, Spice," Meredith says with a whisper.

"Always, Sugar," Addison whispers back, as she moves to kiss Meredith again on the lips.

And they stay like this until they both are paged to go check on their patient.

* * *

Bailey frowns a bit when she sees the rough state of both Addison and Meredith's necks.

Richard Webber just looks embarrassed, since he's known Meredith since she was a toddler, and he used to teach Addison in her residency.

"Uh, would you like to give the patient an exam, please?" Richard finally gets out.

"Of course," Addison says, switching to her professional voice expertly.

"No problem," Meredith follows suit.

"We'll leave you to it, but NO FUNNY BUSINESS!" Bailey warns as she motions to Richard to leave Doctor Grey and Doctor Montgomery with Shannon Sparks.

"Yes, Bailey," Addison and Meredith both promise to them both.

"I think the boyfriend is here, another person to keep those two in line," Bailey says once she and Richard are out the door, and she thinks that Meredith and Addison can no longer hear her.

* * *

"Oh, awesome, Felix Smallwood, I can't wait!" Shannon Sparks, the patient exclaims, incidentally revealing how everyone could just hear everything Bailey just said.

"Oh, well, they get the message at least," they hear Richard murmur, as they lead Shannon's boyfriend in the room.

And they tell them all that 'The plastic's consult will be in after a while, once he recovers from an 'unfortunate incident', to which he puts on a tone that shows he's referring to both Meredith and Addison's punches (as well as Derek's, but he is not here, now).

"Thanks!" Shannon Sparks yells back, not catching on to any subtext.

"So why don't you tell us your story?" Meredith asks Shannon, who motions for her boyfriend Felix to join in anytime.

"Well, it all started with some Dynamite, a club, and some vodka…" Shannon starts telling the story that would go on for the better part of the evening.

And Meredith and Addison smile, despite themselves, at how close yet so funny and honest, that Shannon and Felix seem to be with each other.

And they're hoping that someday soon, that they can laugh about everything with each other, all the same.

(But maybe not play with dynamite. Because they're doctors and they'd like to think they know better than that- Right?)

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

***** **END OF CHAPTER 44**

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

Song reference: "Dynamite", by Taio Cruz.

Yes, this is a direct reference to "Punch" by LordOfLezzies. I'd recommend that part of the amazing series 'How Derek Found Out'. It's AWESOME.

And I just have been dying to include the triple-threat punch since the very beginning.

Season 2 is getting spicier, hey. And I'm changing the timeline of Mark's arrival because I want him for the drama, and I don't want to wait till a stupid bomb to ever goes off, which it might never at all. Or will it? I have no idea.

But yes, these are some adapted scenes from 'Yesterday', but made gayer, of course.

Hope you let me know your favorite parts in the comments!

bobbiejelly

_This Chapter is dedicated to (May 21, 2020)_

Thanks again, all, for your patience with the break, in this story. Sometimes I have inspiration, sometimes less so. And I want this one to be updated when I'm feeling fresh!

Ao3:

THE AMAZING COMMENTERS, you know who you are!

Also, this story has 7 bookmarks, 31 subscriptions, 88 kudos, 480 comments, and 2506 hits on Ao3 now, thanks!

Fanfiction:

Kelmtb who just reviewed the last chapter THANKS! There are currently 27 Reviews. 18 Favs. 29 Follows. 11005 View, of this story on that site and it blows me away completely!

Wattpad:

naylorholby for commenting on Chapter 42 so nicely. The 5 people who put a star on Chapter 42 and the 4 who starred Chapter 43. And unicornbaby78 who chatted a bunch about McCravings last night. TheNetflixGal who is around, commenting. Outlawqueenpercabeth jaity4ever arizonaslesbianism author4all Danielaperezsurga , itslexipedia , Addiesrep , new_being , Eleven_256 , JordynMarie05 , who always read this the instant it is out. Addiesbaby who is around I miss u in the comments this past like 2 days but I know you're around. And to my new followers as of late and the people who just added this to their reading lists! This has 519K reads, 886 comments and 307 stars!

AND TO EVERYONE ELSE READING THIS CHAPTER MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL!

_As for other recent projects for you to check out while you wait for me (after leaving a comment, of course!):_

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160) Is a fun one...

[ **A Seattle Grace Mercy West Swingers Party - Post Plane Crash Edition** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604244) Has a new chapter and...

[ **Soothe**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004) has 15 Chapters and that one is very dear to my heart.

Let me know what you think of all of that, and I wish you happy reading, friends!

* * *

**THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!**

* * *

_Author's Note 3:_

Well, that's all for now, folks, unfortunately, I must say.

Thanks of course for reading, I will chat with you soon in the comments.

Much love and yours, truly,

bobbiejelly

[ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	45. In Which George and Alex Receive An Unexpected Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a new surgical resident arrival at Seattle Grace Hospital, and she wants to meet the 'Heart in the Elevator Guy'. What will this mean for George and Alex? And how will this affect Addison and Meredith? And everyone else in this headfuck breakfast club…?

_Author's Note 1:_

Welcome back, folks, thanks for staying with me through this bit of a break.

The updates are going to come in-between other fanfictions, now.

Thanks for your patience, and without further ado, here is Chapter 45 of FABB!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly. NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 45: In Which George and Alex Receive An Unexpected Visitor**

* * *

_There's a new surgical resident arrival at Seattle Grace Hospital, and she wants to meet the 'Heart in the Elevator Guy'. What will this mean for George and Alex? And how will this affect Addison and Meredith? And everyone else in this headfuck breakfast club…?_

* * *

"So I hear you're the 'Heart In The Elevator Guy," a tall raven-haired Latina stalks up to Alex Karev in the hotel lobby.

It's her first day at work, and she's heard a ton of rumors, but the best one of all for her so far has been about the intern who performed open-heart -surgery while waiting for an elevator repair person.

"Ah, I'm flattered you're saying this to me, it's probably because I know I look the part, but it actually wasn't me, it was O'Malley," Alex concedes right away to this Latina.

If he wasn't currently involved with said 'Heart In An Elevator Guy', Alex realizes he might have lied about that and said it was him, just to give him a chance with this new resident.

But he is involved with George O'Malley, and he realizes they haven't talked about "being each other's boyfriends," yet, but he realizes they probably should, because he's being honest instead of lying to flirt with this new girl, now, and he's never done that before for anyone, ever.

"Who is O'Malley?" The woman asks him, rather puzzled.

* * *

"Oh, he's my-" Alex stumbles because he realizes he can't say "partner," yet before actually asking George to be exclusive, so he re-evaluates his sentence and just says, "I'll page him for you."

Alex does, and he dials George's number on his pager without looking because he's done that so many times (mostly to page George for sex in on-call rooms, but still…).

The raven-haired woman doesn't notice his dexterity though, she just holds out her hand for the 'Not The Heart In The Elevator Guy But At Least He Is An Honest Dude," person she just met and introduces herself to him.

"Callie Torres, M.D., I just transferred to Seattle Grace, and I'm a senior Orthopedics surgical resident," Callie offers out her hand to Alex.

"Alex Karev, M.D., Currently a first-year intern, and I'm one of Miranda Bailey's five surgical residents," Alex offers his hand.

"Nice to meet you," Callie says to him genuinely.

"Likewise," Alex smiles, and he decides that although if he were totally single, he would totally want to 'do her', that she's hot but not hotter than George O'Malley for him right now, and that he realizes he should ask George to go steady with him so he can keep him all for himself.

* * *

_Meanwhile, as Alex and Callie are waiting for George to show up in the hospital lobby..._

"Kiss me again Sugar?" Addison asks Meredith as she hoists her up onto her own office's table.

"You are so bad, Spice!" Meredith wraps her hand around Addison's neck and brings her lips closer.

"You make me want to live on the wild side, Sugar" Addison smirks as she brings herself closer to Meredith.

They locked the door, they closed the blinds, they turned off their cell phones.

They just finished a consultation and they have a bit of free time on their lunch break.

And all Addison wants is to taste Meredith's tongue again.

* * *

And as Meredith knows very well by now, Addison, her girlfriend, is an Attending physician, so she has her own office.

And she's sure as hell going to get good use out of it.

"You spoil me, Spice" Meredith hushes as she finally captures Addison's lips on her own.

The table is quite high, and it brings Meredith's lips to her own height and it works for them.

Not that Addison minds leaning down slightly to kiss Meredith, but this way they are very physically comfortable.

Meredith likes it as well, as she brings her legs around Addison's waist and tucks her in close with the backs of her heels.

"Oh, God, Sugar" Addison moans as she feels Meredith's body flush up against her entire front.

"Mm, Spice, I am so glad that you have your own office, and that you want to lock me in with you inside of it," Meredith purrs as she pulls slightly on Addison's hair.

"Oh, what better use for these locking doors, Sugar" Addison moans as she presses Meredith closer still by gripping onto her back over Meredith's white coat and scrubs.

* * *

"Off, Spice," Meredith motions for Addison to take off her outer white coat as it gets in the way, and Addison grins as she makes the long journey over to her coat rack to hang it up properly.

"Seriously Spice!?" Meredith reaches for Addison, as Addison moves away only to come back, and repeat the process with Meredith's own white coat.

"Well, Sugar, if we're going to make out like teenagers inside of my office, I don't want people to call us out for it by noticing our white coats are all wrinkly," Addison smirks up at Meredith who is glaring right at her.

"Oh, come on, Addie, can you just kiss me already?" Meredith reaches for Addison again, who walks right in, to where Meredith is sitting and returns her hands to Meredith's waist.

"Definitely, Mer," Addison says as Meredith reaches out to place her hands on Addison's hips and bring her closer still than they even were before.

They do make out like teenagers, tasting and exploring greedily as they relish their time all alone.

The day has been hectic for both of them, and this is their time to recharge with each other.

* * *

The contact work wonders, as Addison can feel the tension from the day wearing away as Meredith keeps caressing her side and caressing her lips with her tongue.

"More?" Meredith smirks at Addison as she detaches her lips for a second to see Addison's eyes darken for her.

"You know it," Addison growls as she seals their lips together again.

Meredith nibbles Addison's right earlobe like she knows Addison likes it, and Addison whimpers loudly enough that Meredith asks her to be quiet.

"We can't be too loud here, we don't want them to make you give up your personal office," Meredith hushes to Addison, inherently blowing hot air into her ear which just makes her shiver more.

"Oh, wow, maybe we need to play some music here while we make out to drown out the noise a bit," Addison offers because she's sure she can't stifle her moaning while Meredith works her tongue so well for her.

As it turns out, though, they get interrupted by a knock on the door.

* * *

"Just a minute, just need to finish something up, here," Addison shouts out to the person on the other side of the door, as she motions for Meredith to hop off the table and to put her white coat back on.

Meredith dutifully hops off the table, but she reaches up to capture Addison's lips one more time before she stops making out with her, and the devilish grin on her face signals to Addison that she's going to keep going until Addison, herself, pulls away from her girlfriend.

"Fuck, Sugar" Addison swears in a very hushed whisper as she has to use all of her willpower to pull away and put on her own white coat.

"Hmm, we'll see when we can finish this up, later, right, Spice?" Meredith smirks up at Addison who nods dumbly at her, as she takes a deep breath and fixes up her hair.

They both try their damndest to look presentable to whoever this knocking person is at Addison's office door, as they open it and hope to God that it's not obvious they were just ripping each other's jackets off.

* * *

"Chief?!" Addison exclaims with a bit of a cry, as she is a bit startled that it's Richard Webber interrupting their makeout session.

_('Ohmygod. Could he hear us? That would be traumatizing for Meredith, and also me!' Addison thinks to herself as she tries not to let her voice waver.)_

"Hello, Addison, Meredith," Richard answers with a soft smile.

Webber seems to be understanding, though, for all that it's worth. Richard is just glad that these doors are soundproof so he didn't actually hear anything, he can just tell what might have been happening behind this door just now by the telltale guilty look on Meredith's face.

(Richard has done 'this' before with Ellis Grey, years ago, in his own office, after all, so he would be a hypocrite not to be…)

Richard pretends that he has no idea what's going on, for Meredith's and Addison's sake, and he just explains to both of them, even if he was originally only looking for Addison:

"There's a new surgical resident in town starting today, her name is Dr. Callie Torres, and she is in ortho. I'd like you, Addison, as our only female surgical Attending, to be her mentor if she needs anything, is that alright with you?" Richard asks her, and Addison processes this in her head and nods.

* * *

"Of course, no problem, Richard, that sounds really nice to have another surgical candidate here. You'll introduce us, right?" Addison asks him, and motions with her eyes and her words to include Meredith in on this conversation.

"Of course, I will later when I have a minute and she is free. Callie has just arrived and she's just getting acquainted now. She has raven-hair, and she's in between your height and Meredith's," Richard offers so that they'll recognize her.

"Sounds good," Meredith nods in approval, and Addison has to fight the instinct to grab onto Meredith's hand and squeeze it. If this were any of the other interns, she might have, but she's trying to look professional in front of her boss, now, much less Meredith's transplanted-father-figure, no less (awkward? Slighty. Though only slightly, thus far).

"Well, I'll leave you for your lunch break, then. Make sure you girls do get something substantial to eat for lunch before surgery, later," Richard says to them kindly. And with that, he turns around and walks down the hallway again, shutting the door behind him, on the way out.

* * *

"OH MY GOD, HE KNOWS!" Meredith bursts out in alarm as she realizes from her uncle/transplanted-daddy-person/ChiefRichardWebber, a person's insistence of caloric intake that he'd known that the two of them had not actually been dining before he had walked into Addison's office, just now.

"Well, he knew we were dating, already," Addison offers with a sheepish sort of shrug.

"You know something, Addison, I can tell there's something you're not saying, here," Meredith presses Addison to 'finally be out with whatever'.

"Well, I mean, he does know from his own experience a thing or two about hospital kissing, with well, you know…" Addison winces out.

_(Addison winces as she tries to avoid saying "people also named Grey, aka Ellis Grey, aka he probably banged your mother in his and also her office not that long ago in his history…)_

* * *

Meredith goes white at the thought, as she tries VERY not to picture _her_ Chief with _her_ mother in _their_ offices doing what she and Addison had just been doing with each other in Addison's office, where they are still located together, as in, right hecking' now…

"I'm really sorry, Meredith," Addison offers, trying not to say 'you asked, and you pressed me to say it, to you'.

"Well, at least my 'Daddy-issues, and Mommy-issues, and Uncle-Richard-shaped-issues, all bundled into my horrendous parental issues,' are now at least working in our favor for once in my life," Meredith sighs as she smiles sadly up to Addison Montgomery.

"Okay, I agree with you there, Meredith… However, if we're going to keep kissing in my office, I think we might need to switch topics away from your familial issues… Unless you'd rather just talk, which is okay too... Because that's really _not_ a kink I can get behind, and from the look on your face I don't think it's one of yours, either…" Addison blushes as she finally gets this all out in one breath.

Addison hopes that Meredith doesn't freak out on her, and thankfully, Meredith just changes the topic in understanding.

* * *

"Mm, I see, so you have other sexy kinks that you think about, huh, Spice, are you a naughty girl, are you...?" Meredith recovers immediately and shifts into her sexual persona again for her girlfriend.

"Oh, Jesus," Addison bites back a moan at the way Meredith is looking at her right now. "Uh-" Addison stammers out, as Meredith saves her from answering by pulling Addison in for a kiss again.

"Mm, I cannot wait to hear more about this all, later, after we have a food-shaped-dinner, of course…" Meredith kisses Addison once more before she walks past her in the direction of the hospital cafeteria as if nothing had just transpired between them at all.

"Ok, I'm coming, I'm coming, Sugar, wait up!" Addison calls out to her as she locks her office door behind her, (at some point Addison had gotten her keys back from Meredith, and she'd returned Meredith's house key, though she had not discovered her 'secret admirer' CD in her desk yet…).

"Mm, I hope you'll be coming and screaming out just that for me, Spice, in approximately fifty-something days from now," Meredith smirks as she takes Addison's hand when Addison catches up to her and leans up to whisper this in her ear.

"Careful, Sugar. If you keep talking like that I'll drag you back to my office again, and then I'll tell on you to Bailey, that we never actually ate anything for dinner," Addison husks back to her.

And with that, Meredith smiles brightly and squeezes onto Addison's hand, proud that Addison has clearly grown more comfortable about talking in double-entendres with her since even a few short days ago when they first started dating.

* * *

_Meanwhile, as Alex and Callie are waiting for George to show up in the hospital lobby..._

"Hey, Alex," George O'Malley's answers Alex Karev's page at a run, and he's slightly surprised to see that he's not alone this time.

"Hey, there's someone who wants to meet you, dude," Alex motions for George to shake Callie's hand, and to introduce himself.

"Hey, my name is Doctor O'Malley, and I'm one of Bailey's 5 first-year interns," Geroge says to Callie, politely.

"Callie Torres," Callie offers. She has thus far avoided giving away her true first name, 'Calliope', because she only lets her family call her that, because she really does prefer her nickname.

"George, is my first name, by the way," George offers as he shakes Callie's hand for the first time. "Welcome to Seattle Grace Hospital," he says in a cheerful tone.

Alex can tell that Callie looked at both him and George with _interest_ , and it's making him extremely jealous that this pretty Latina woman could want to seduce his BestFriend/FriendsWithBenetfits/Fuckbuddy, George.

* * *

"Well, we have a case to run through, now, but we can show you the cafeteria before we have to go for a meeting?" Alex offers to Callie, while looking in George's eyes with a smoldering expression.

"Yeah, it's this way, we can't stay for long, though," George offers as they all walk together in silence for a few seconds.

Silence, that is, until Callie finally blurts out "So, George, I hear you're the true 'Heart In The Elevator Guy,' after all, or at least Alex says so," to both of them.

"Oh, right, I guess I am, or at least I hope you call me that instead of '007' as most people call me, because my first day as a resident my patient died on the table because I broke the purse strings on a simple appendectomy, and Preston Burke, the cardio chief, couldn't even save him after all that…" George rants to her, humbly.

He's giving big McBami eyes to Alex as he says all of this, hoping that his friend will understand that he's only taking this praise from a career standpoint, and that he doesn't want to replace Alex with someone else, at all.

"Well, I'm glad you didn't quit after that," Callie offers, and George beams up at her in pride.

"Well, here's the cafeteria, feel free to sit with whoever most surgeons are nice, especially the interns, and also Doctor Montgomery, the only girl surgical Attending, she's also a friend of ours," Alex offers to Callie as he whisks George away with him, and George complies easily.

"Thanks, I think they said she is my mentor or something? Or I read that in an email? From the Chief?" Callie offers, but Alex and George are almost out of earshot by then, as they sneak away to an on-call room to talk about being 'exclusive', now that they've both been made extremely jealous by a hot girl walking in.

* * *

"Doctor Torres?" Meredith tries as she spies a raven-haired woman walking into the cafeteria with George and Alex, before she and Addison see the boys sneaking off together, again.

"Callie?" Addison tries, her voice a little louder, as she calls out in the girl's direction from the table at which she and Meredith are sitting, now actually eating cheeseburgers from the canteen.

"Hello?" Callie finally finds out who is speaking to her as Meredith and Addison both wave to her to sit with them, and Callie is instantly relieved she won't be sitting alone for her first day on the job, like the new kid she once was in Miami in middle school.

"Addison Montgomery," Addison offers first, and Callie exclaims right away "you're my mentor!" with a wide grin.

"And this is my girlfriend, Doctor Meredith Grey," Addison motions to Meredith, who offers her hand out for Callie. Addison adds the 'Doctor' part to Meredith's name, because she knows this is validating as Meredith is still a first-year intern, and therefore probably really likes being called 'Doctor Grey' by fellow doctors.

Addison is correct, of course, and Meredith gives Addison a gentle nudge to let her know that, as they squish closer together at the cafeteria table.

"Cool, my name is Callie Torres, and I'm a senior surgical Orthopedics resident transfer student," Callie offers, and the girls nod their head, very glad that they had been right all along and that they had not just called out to some random other raven-haired-girl by mistake.

Meredith and Addison are also simultaneously relieved that Callie didn't seem to bat an eye at the fact that they were both women as a couple together, she just smiled and looked a little sad for a split-second, and they girls interpreted this as her probably being single, and interested in potentially meeting someone in Seattle, once she settled into her new work, here.

"Do you want to get lunch and then we can all talk together?" Meredith offers, noting that Callie has not gotten anything yet.

"Oh, yeah, thanks, I'll be right back. How are the cheeseburgers by the way? I'm really into cheeseburgers…" Callie motions to their shared tray which has two of them on it.

"Pretty good, though I hope you don't have extremely high standards for cheeseburgers," Addison offers, and Callie chuckles, and gives them both a look in her eye to say 'thank you for welcoming me into your inside jokes on my very first day', as she goes to get a tray of her own.

* * *

"Callie seems nice," Meredith offers to Addison, as she picks up her cheeseburger, again.

"Yeah, you think?" Addison asks, treading carefully, not wanting to make Meredith jealous again, after what happened with Mark when she met him.

"I think I could see you as friends, you know? I think that would be great for you," Meredith offers to Addison.

"Really?" Addison smiles, happy that her girlfriend is so supportive.

"Yeah, she's a senior resident, so it's just like you and Bailey are closer friends than I could be, because Bailey is my boss and Callie probably will be. And I want you to have a friend group just like I do with the other interns, because I really like you, and so I always want what is best for you, and I know you don't have a ton of friends here because of the whole 'Mark and Derek' thing, and I just want you to be happy, that's all…" Meredith rambles, and Addison can't resist leaning into Meredith and planting a kiss on her temple.

"Thank you," Addison beams up at Meredith. "I promise you, I'm not going to cheat on you with Callie Torres, even if she ends up being into women, at all. I'm only yours, Sugar, and that's all I want to be," Addison offers.

"Thanks, Spice. And for what it's worth, I think she's definitely into women, even if she doesn't know it yet, maybe, and even if she might be into men and just people in general, also, sort of like I am. Thank God you introduced me right away as your partner, because I think I saw a flicker in Callie's eyes when she saw how sexy you are," Meredith offers.

(Meredith has had more practice with 'Gaydar' than Addison has, to date, seeing as she's dated more women than Addison has, and came out to most people in grade school.)

"Mm, okay, you're probably right if you think she might play for our team, you have a good read on people, and of course- you, are the sexy one here, Meredith," Addison nudges Meredith's ribs with her elbow to make her tickle a little bit, and Meredith elbows Addison back, because she wants to kiss her on the cheek but she can't because she's still eating her cheeseburger at this very moment.

The girls stop flirting so overtly once they see Callie is returning to their table with a lunch combo, and they welcome her again into their sphere when she sits down across from them.

* * *

"So, do you like it here?" Callie asks them as she bites down into her cheeseburger and exclaims "it's good!" motioning to the food and interrupting herself a little, which makes both Meredith and Addison giggle into their own food.

"The city? The hospital? The people?" Meredith asks her and Callie just says "I guess all of the above?"

Meredith nods and explains a bit about Seattle, since she grew up here, mostly, along with her time in Boston, and she knows more than Addison.

Addison chips in with more information about the program, and some tips & tricks in how to get along best with Miranda Bailey (who she explains is the actual 'spiritual boss' of the hospital) and Richard Webber, the official Chief of Surgery, who Callie has already met once.

"Thanks," Callie says to both of them, for helping her out a ton, already.

"Ah, so just so you know, there's a lot of gossip going around about both of us, right now, and not all of it's nice," Meredith says to Callie, and Addison nods a bit sadly.

"Oh?" Callie shrugs, and reveals she didn't know about all of this.

"Well, just so you hear if from us," Addison begins, and Meredith nods at her, and they wordlessly communicate that they'll tell this story together.

"So I once was married to another doctor at this hospital, Derek Christopher Shepherd, who is an Attending neurosurgeon," Addison begins, and Callie and Meredith nod at her.

"We lived in New York together, and we had two properties there, in total, and we also have this mutual best friend, Mark Sloan, who also now works here, and he's an attending Plastic Surgeon," Addison continues.

Meredith holds Addison's hand under the table when she feels Addison tensing up a little bit.

* * *

"And then, I guess I was feeling lonely, and I wasn't making good choices, and I cheated on my husband Derek, with Mark, one night at the Brownstone, in NYC, while I thought Derek was either coming home late or going over to the Hampton's first," Addison offers.

Addison tells the 'official' version of the story, that she and Derek settled on after they'd talked about it, and she generously let herself be portrayed in this way, as she felt she deserved anyway, (she HAD cheated with Mark that time, even if there was more to it than that…).

"And then, Derek left New York, and he ran away to Seattle. And I stayed with Mark, and then he cheated on me, anyway, and I left him, and eventually came to Seattle to try to get Derek back, when he wouldn't call me back at all," Addison continues, but motions for Meredith to pick up from where she had left off.

"And then I met Derek, the same Derek," Meredith chips in, and he took me home when I met him as 'just a girl in a bar', on his first day here, but he never told me he was still married, and he wasn't wearing a ring. So we were about to get serious, or I think that we were, when Addison, his wife still at the time, shows up in the lobby and tells me who she is to him, was to him, at the time, I mean. Addison is divorced now from Derek…" Meredith clarifies.

* * *

Addison picks up the story now, and tells Callie that she started falling for Meredith, probably since the night she left Derek her wedding ring and decided for sure that she didn't want to take him back. And she met Meredith at a bar. Things spiraled from there, and eventually, I got a divorce, and Meredith didn't take Derek back, either, after he lied to her about me," Addison continues.

"And I started falling for Addison, even though she hadn't come out yet as Gay," Meredith summarizes (they skip the entirety of the 'secret admirer' and 'mystery person' part of their mutual coexistence, not wanting to confuse everything even more, for Callie). "And I was already openly bisexual, and I don't know, eventually Addison got a divorce, and I told her I liked her, and she told me she likes me, and we've been taking it slow, but dating exclusively, ever since," Meredith smiles up at this happy ending part.

"And I've never been happier," Addison smiles, and Meredith says that she's "never been happier, either".

It takes a while for all of this to sink in for Callie, and she has to ask a bunch of questions to get the timeline correct, but she just shrugs at the end of it all, and says that she'll 'watch out for Derek Shepherd, and vow to never try dating him, even if people apparently do nickname him McDreamy, which Meredith mentioned to her at some point after that.

"Is the Mark person single?" Callie asks them both. Meredith doesn't know, and Addison does know that he is (but that Derek is interested in him but not ready to come out as gay yet, and she's not sure where Mark stands on that, yet, either…), and Addison just nods noncommittally and says "probably?" and then adds that "Mark just moved here from New York a few days ago, so we have not really had the chance to catch up much, and talk about that."

Callie seems to understand, and she nods at this explanation, and then she asks if they have a nickname for Mark and Meredith and Addison just like Derek's.

And Meredith says that "people call Mark Sloan, McSteamy, and people used to call Addison McHot, but only I get to call her that now, because if anyone else does I just glare at them, and I don't know about me, but so far the only other McNicknames we have are just other ones for Derek, like McBastard, and McMarried (when he used to be married to Addison, and he was sleeping with me on the side, without me knowing that I was his mistress not girlfriend), and I still call him a McAss," Meredith summarizes succinctly for Callie.

"Ah, I McSee," Callie tries with McSpeaking and the girls give her a high-five for her efforts.

At this point in the conversation, the cheeseburgers are all pretty much finished and even the side dishes and desserts and drinks are consumed, and Meredith and Addison realize that they should probably be going now if they want to have any more 'alone time' before starting their shift again.

"We'll see you later?" Meredith offers, then nudges Addison to say something more meaningful to her 'hopefully new friend'.

"Anything you need, Callie, just page me and I'll be your mentor, of course," Addison offers, and with that Meredith and Addison hold hands again as they wander off with their trays, placing them for cleanup, and then exiting the cafeteria together.

* * *

Callie nods at them, and feels a little sad because she's being left alone in the cafeteria, now.

But her sadness is short-lived, because soon enough a tall male Doctor is walking up to her, and saying "is this seat taken?" to the chair next to her, and she's shaking her head "no," as the other doctor sits down beside her, and passes her one of his candies.

"Do YOU date co-workers, are you perhaps single? Because the last time I said that to Meredith I got three punches from her, Addison, and Derek, and I was on the ground bleeding, but I'll risk all that again because you seem really amazing and I haven't seen you around here," the male doctor says to Callie with a signature smirk.

"I don't know, I never have, but I'm not strongly opposed to it. I am single, and I'm sorry that you got knocked out but I'll say you probably deserved it, because those two girls are awesome, and thanks for the compliments, I'm new here, I'm an ortho doc in training, and my name is Callie Torres," Callie offers her hand out.

"Mark Sloan, plastics," Mark offers her hand out. And he keeps on smirking even as he can see Callie smirking back at him and huffing 'HE'S McSteamy' under her breath, and noticing just how hot he is.

Mark just takes Callie's smirking as a good thing, though, for him, as he keeps up his traditional blunt deadpan charm, as Callie keeps chatting with him about New York and interesting surgical patients until they have to head off for their shifts, and Mark chivalrously helps her find her way to her first consult.

As they walk past imaging, Callie and Mark keep chatting and they do not notice Derek Shepherd staring at them with red-hot-jealousy (he's jealous of this new girl for getting along flirtatiously already with Mark, his best friend, and lifelong secret crush), but as he walks to meet them and chat them up in the elevator, the elevator door closes, and the pair of Callie and Mark are already gone.

Derek makes a mental note to ask Addison about this all, later, or maybe even Meredith, (They might know what is going on between them, right?), as he heads to the MRI room to pick up his scans like he was already supposed to be doing.

* * *

_Meanwhile, with Izzie Stevens and Cristina Yang,_

"Hey, I heard there is a new Ortho God, arriving today," Cristina says happily to her girlfriend, Izzie.

"Cool," Izzie says, as she continues to plant kisses onto Cristina's collarbone.

They're fooling around somewhere in the hospital. It's probably a spare room or something, but either way, it has a locking door and no windows and they've snuck off for a quickie makeout session (just as many other couples have…), before they have to get back to work as well.

They're kissing against the wall, with Cristina pressing up into Izzie, who has her hands wound in Cristina's long hair.

"Mm, your hair is beautiful when you wear it down," Izzie murmurs as she feels Cristina's tongue graze her pulse point.

"Ah, I like to wear it down the most for blondes with delicate features," Cristina compliments Izzie as they keep making out until they have to finally head off.

* * *

"Another minute?" Izzie asks of her girlfriend when their timer finally goes off.

"Only just one, then we have to sneak in stealthily," Cristina murmurs back to Izzie, sealing their lips together one more time before parting.

"Ooh, look at this page, it says "C. Torres. Ortho." I bet we're going to meet the new doctor!" Cristina reads Izzie's pager when it goes off alongside hers.

"Yay! Just promise me you won't fall in love with her more than me?" Izzie asks Cristina.

"Not in a kissing way, no way, plus I'm not into ortho," Cristina reassures her.

"Good, me neither, I only want to kiss you, and I don't think I have a thing for bones, other than jumping _your_ bones," Izzie giggles at her own joke to Cristina

"Okay, we better get going now if we're going to get to work, because if you keep talking about 'jumping my bones' then I'm going to start letting you, and we're going to be late, already!" Cristina insists as they go off to meet their new senior resident.

And, as it turns out, Cristina and Izzie get along great with Callie for the most part, as she lets them smash extra cast pieces to smithereens after they've finished their consultation.

(Miranda Bailey was only slightly annoyed they were late because they did sneak in rather stealthily, mostly thanks to Cristina).

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

As it turns out, George and Alex are assigned to a neuro case with Preston Burke and Derek Shepherd and Richard Webber as their attendings, and something at some point comes out of it with them all planning a boy's hiking and camping trip together over the weekend.

When Meredith finds out about this along with Addison, she blurts out before she can stop herself "but Derek, aren't you already _camping every single day of your life anyway_?" and then Derek tries to explain that it's "totally different when you're in just a tent," as well as "maybe we should invite Joe and Walter to join us".

Addison chips in empathetically about "the trailer life is definitely just like camping, I'm so glad that I'm moving into a real apartment that physically cannot acquire traffic violations, and good luck in the wilderness, I sincerely hope you do not get poison oak because I almost did once, but I decided not to pee in the woods after all," to which Meredith cannot help but snicker at in agreement.

* * *

The girls wander off from the boys though, as Meredith is still assigned to the pregnant dynamite burn victim, Shannon Sparks, with Addison as well as Mark Sloan, (Mark, who may or may not be invited to the Seattle-Survivor-Surgeon-Special-Something-Something that the other male doctors have all banded forces about…).

Shannon is doing much better after Mark started debridement of her wound the other day, though she still screams out in pain during this because it's such a difficult process. Mark has Meredith help with some of the processes so she can learn (Shannon compliments her technique, for an intern).

Addison also has Meredith working with her, as she monitors the baby and has Meredith help her run an ultrasound. Meredith forgets to say "the gel is cold", but in this case, it ends up being soothing and it eases up some of Shannon's pain. (Addison still has to remind Meredith to say this first, next time, and she promises that she will).

Before long, Shannon's daily treatment is over, and they all take her up for scans and meet to develop a long-term treatment plan. They figure out the way to move forward, and the patient is to be moved out of the E.R as soon as possible, though still to remain in critical care until stable enough to be moved to a regular patient room. They bring her red jello along with her dinner.

With work done, Mark goes off to find Derek, and Derek, predictably, invites him to share a tent with him and to go on the 'excursion of a lifetime, out by the sea, and to finally learn from the best how to fish'. Addison is relieved that they're getting along so well, as is Meredith, even though Meredith doesn't know there's anything more than Addison for them to be fighting over.

* * *

With their work done for the day, Bailey says that Meredith and Addison are free to go home, and she gives them a wink.

Meredith and Addison ask how she is doing, and Bailey says that she's working on a custody arrangement for her son with her husband and that they'll be getting a divorce once they figure out that part first. Addison says she's around if Bailey ever needs to talk about divorce, and Bailey says "thank-you".

Meredith says she's around if Bailey ever wants to talk about 'ways I wish my mother and father handled their separation better', and Bailey appreciates this sentiment sincerely, as well. They say goodnight as they part ways, and Meredith and Addison take off towards Meredith's house to feed the plant.

They also have to prepare because Addison is moving soon into Cristina's spare room, and Meredith is planning to help her at the hotel with the boxes. But that's for another time, and not tonight.

So they stop by Addison's office to get their things. Meredith has taken to storing her things in Addison's office as well, seeing as they haven't gotten a chance to fix the lock on Meredith's locker, (and therefore Meredith still hasn't gotten her remaining 'mystery person note').

* * *

Tonight, the two of them order in some Cuban food takeout, because Meredith never cooks, and Addison is too tired to cook. They spend the evening again, alone, together, at Meredith's house because Izzie is at Cristina's and George is at Alex's.

Meredith reads out texts from her friends, including a picture message from Cristina and Izzie who went to a movie together and remind them they still have to go on a movie double date, maybe over the weekend, while the boys all go camping, to which they say 'yes'.

Meredith also gets an incoming text from George who says that he and Alex are now officially "boyfriends" and that they're going to tell the Chief and Bailey and everyone about that officially tomorrow, to which they say "congratulations", and they say “finally” out loud to each other.

Addison sends a good luck text to both Derek and Mark, separately, wishing them a safe trip for camping, and to pass on the message to the other boys for them, such as Burke and Webber.

Addison gets a text from a number she doesn't recognize, and it says it's from Callie, who says she can give her number to Meredith, too, which Addison does. Callie says "thank-you" for all the advice today to them both, and that she hopes she can be close friends with Addison, someday, to which Meredith encourages her to say "of course," to, so Addison has a new best friend the same way Meredith has her intern friends.

After all of that, they shut their phones off for the evenings, and they just enjoy their time together as they like to, hanging out with their shared potted plant, and feeding and watering it and chatting with it and admiring it. They also stage a mock photoshoot for the plant, where they dress it up with hand-drawn cartoon props that they make out of paper, and they discover that they both are semi-good at arts and crafts.

* * *

After all of that, though, they lie on Meredith's couch and they put in a movie. (Meredith says she doesn't want to watch her mother operate, which is what they normally watch, especially when Cristina is over). So instead, they put on "Sleepless in Seattle", which Meredith ordered the other day when she found out that Addison really liked it, but that it's no longer in theaters.

They make out for a while, about halfway through the movie, when Meredith starts to get handsy and Addison can't control herself anymore. They pause the movie for a second to have a new discussion about intimacy.

"I have a proposition to make," Addison offers, and Meredith brightens at the word "proposition".

"I'm listening!" Meredith keeps stroking Addison's arm until Addison asks her to stop touching her while she tries to talk seriously because it's just too damn distracting, and Meredith giggles proudly.

"So you know how we said 60 days before sex, 45 to breasts under the shirt and under the bra, and 30 until breasts under the shirt but over the bra, and we called that second base? Addison reminds Meredith..."

"Yeah, I have it all in my phone calendar," Meredith offers, and Addison says she does too.

"We never talked about the milestone 'breasts over the shirt, and over the bra, and I was thinking…" Addison works herself up to say this, as she can feel Meredith's anticipation.

"You were thinking…" Meredith says seductively but complies with Addison's previous ask not to touch her while she's still talking.

"How about, if you're up for it, of course, we can do the 'touch the breasts, over the shirt, and over the bra thing, at day 15 out of 60?" Addison asks her girlfriend seriously.

"Yeah, that sounds logical," Meredith nods in agreement, "And that's a few days away, I can't wait," Meredith husks, and it makes Addison redden.

"Mm, me neither," Addison stares at Meredith's chest while Meredith stares at Addison.

They are happy with their newfound agreement and talk about the speech at which they want to proceed together.

* * *

"We can still make out as much as we want until then," Meredith raises an eyebrow and Addison leans in to capture Meredith's lips with her own.

They use the entire couch at various points, making out, smooth and slow with all the time in the world this evening, without having to go to work or about roommates coming home.

After they get tired (not tired of each other, just really tired…), they put on "Sleepless in Seattle", again.

They lie in each other's arms, with Meredith entangled in Addison, until Addison falls asleep on Meredith's shoulder, and Meredith lets herself drift off as well, and they'll wake up laughing about the irony of watching a movie called that, while they literally fall asleep (and are thus, no longer, sleepless in Seattle, themselves...).

They stay the entire night like this, and they wake up content, and Addison Montgomery and Meredith Grey realize that firstly, that they do both agree to try to fall asleep somewhere more convenient than Meredith's couch, in the future… And that they discovered by accident that they like to spend their nights cuddled up with each other as much as they possibly can.

* * *

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***** **END OF CHAPTER 45**

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

Yes, this is a direct parody of episode 2 of Private Practice, and probably one of the first Chapter titles for this work that is not a song.

Hope you enjoyed this fairly long update!

References are taken from "The Time Warp," and made slightly gayer.

_(_ _References also are taken from the episode where Callie and Mer ate cheeseburgers which became simultaneously an innuendo, a plot device and a metaphor for medical treatment, all in the span of 49 minutes, which was appalling and also refreshing.)_

_(Also in that episode where Callie and Mer had high-key-femslash tension, and Callie had to clearly state "ACTUAL cheeseburgers," to Meredith, signaling to both of them that the thought of them sleeping together had crossed both of their minds.)_

_(And also can we talk about how Mer kissed Callie on the lips once? And how Derek once said in an MRI that Callie had a crush on his wife? Can we talk about Callie saying she's rebounding to the McDreamy's, plural, and that she mostly means Grey and doesn't talk about Derek at all and she's high key preferring ladies ATM?)_

_(At some point I was tempted to write an entire one-shot based entirely on Callie singing "va-va-vaginaaaaaaa" and Mer asking Callie if her one true love could be a woman (Cristina), and then saying she's not turned on by the idea of Yang's pussy, but never denying she's felt a yearning for another woman in that way, either, which Callie is too drunk to notice at the time…)_

_(Maybe I'll consider this idea again. Maybe? Let me know in the comments if you'd read this.)_

_(It was always weird to write because I didn't want to break up Calzona, but maybe there's a way to do it without Callie being a homewrecker?)_

Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled Author's note 2:

This has been a long-lasted dream for me to _finally_ be able to give another friend for Addison other than Bailey. Literally there were no other characters in Season 2 for me to pair with her as a friend and it was so frustrating, and I didn't want an OFC Doctor, or for Nurse Olivia to be Addison's person, because that would be a bit strange…

Aaaaaaand what's going to happen between Callie-Mark-Derek? Who knows, but I do love a good love triangle once in a while..

Welcome to the world-building chapters of the second season. I know getting into new character arcs is tough, but alas, here I am trying. Hope you'll stick with me and encourage me on!

There are still a lot of milestones possible for MerAdd as a couple, so let's see where we can go with that, as well, also, and let me know if there's any requests for them to explore!

Lespians is writing "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" which has a mention about a "permanent camping trip" which made me laugh in a fit, so I'm gonna say, yes, if you read this far and recognize your own ideas, I did adjust them accordingly for this AU, but yes, you did get there before me, and I'm saying that here.

So, thanks so much for everyone's comments on Chapter 44! There have been numerous calls for me to update this again, and alas, here we are :D.

_bobbiejelly_

This Chapter is dedicated to (May 27, 2020):

Ao3:

FanFicRocks0651 for commenting on Chapter 44! The new people who put kudos on this one in the last few days - you ROCK!

Also, this story has 33 Subscriptions, 2701 Hits, 94 Kudos, 140 Comment Threads, and 7 Bookmarks on Ao3 now, thanks!

Fanfiction:

There are currently 27 Reviews, 19 Favs, 32 Follows, 11586 Hits of this story on that site and it blows me away completely!

Wattpad:

new_being, arizonaslesbianism, Aaliyahjauregui, addiesrep, for commenting so nicely recently.

The 9 people who put a star on Chapter 44 so far. Shoutouts to unicornbaby78, TheNetflixGal, outlawqueenpercabeth, Danielaperezsurga, itslexipedia, addiesbaby, naylorholby, JordynMarie05 and AddisonAddek (who will get here soon I think?), and there are more who have voted on this but it's really hard to track on this app.

This has 6.02K reads, 902 comments and 327 stars! Plus more people who added this to their reading lists!

AND TO EVERYONE ELSE READING THIS CHAPTER MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL!

_As for other recent projects:_

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160) Is a fun one...

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004) has 15 Chapters and that one is very dear to my heart.

####  [**Move Over, Derek!**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24399436) Is a new MerAdd short story ish that all about sex (CW. Involves Derek…)

Ps. Yes I love “Killing Eve”, and I’m not very subtle about it. If you want to check out some KE fanfiction I’ve been working on, the series is called: [ **Kissing Eve** ](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1749406) , the first part is called [ Do You Like Elton John? ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24216628) , and the second part is called [ In My Veins ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24237502). Enjoy it if you like!

Let me know what you think of all of that, and I wish you happy reading, friends!!!

* * *

  
  


**THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU !!!!!**

  
  


* * *

_Author’s Note 3:_

Well, that’s all for now, folks, unfortunately, I must say.

Thanks of course for reading, I will chat with you soon in the comments.

Much love and yours, truly,

bobbiejelly

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	46. Survival of the Fabulous!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're supposed to be packing up boxes.
> 
> Meredith Grey and Addison Montgomery are supposed to be packing up boxes for Addison to start moving into Cristina Yang's spare room in her apartment, which she signed the sub-lease on that very morning, while the men of Seattle Grace hospital plus Joe and Walter are on a 'life-changing' camping trip and Cristina and Izzie are on a date and Bailey and Callie are watching over Shannon Sparks and taking the weekend shift at work and George and Alex are probably getting laid (in their tents?)...
> 
> Meredith Grey and Addison Montgomery are supposed to be packing up boxes, but they certainly are not currently actually packing up boxes? Not in the slightest - (Oops? They'll get to that later...)

_Author's Note 1:_

Welcome back, friends!

Here is the latest in this epic saga.

Thanks for sticking with me, after all this time.

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly. NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 46: Survival of the Fabulous!**

* * *

_They're supposed to be packing up boxes._

_Meredith Grey and Addison Montgomery are supposed to be packing up boxes for Addison to start moving into Cristina Yang's spare room in her apartment, which she signed the sub-lease on that very morning, while the men of Seattle Grace hospital plus Joe and Walter are on a 'life-changing' camping trip and Cristina and Izzie are on a date and Bailey and Callie are watching over Shannon Sparks and taking the weekend shift at work and George and Alex are probably getting laid (in their tents?)..._

_Meredith Grey and Addison Montgomery are supposed to be packing up boxes, but they certainly are not currently actually packing up boxes? Not in the slightest - (Oops? They'll get to that later...)_

* * *

When Addison Montgomery signed the sub-lease for her new room in Cristina Yang's apartment, she immediately called her girlfriend, Meredith Grey, to ask if she wanted to help her move out from the Archfield and in, as roommates with her best friend.

The result was a resounding "yes!" from Meredith Grey, who said that she'd be by right after work. It's Friday now, and they have the whole weekend ahead of them.

The workday is mostly uncomplicated as they introduce Shannon Sparks to Callie Torres and Miranda Bailey who will be working with her over the weekend. Shannon loves them, because both senior residents are awesome, of course. And neither Callie nor Bailey has other weekend plans, so they pick up the extra shifts and end up enjoying each other's company enough to start becoming friends.

The hospital is eerily quiet without the men. Literally there is no Richard Webber, Preston Burke, George O'Malley, Alex Karev, Mark Sloan or Derek Shepherd because they're all packing to go camping with Joe and Walter for the weekend.

* * *

With all those familiar booming voices absent from the halls, it's easier to hear the chatter in the cafeteria from Cristina and Izzie, who sit at a table with Meredith and Addison, as they discuss their plans for the weekend.

"Alright, so we should host a housewarming party for you, Addison!" Izzie suggests warmly.

"If you haven't noticed, all of our male friends are out in the woods for the weekend?" Addison tries not to deadpan.

"The week after that?" Izzie suggests to her.

"We'll see…?" Addison says noncommittally, but with a big smile to show she is flattered that Izzie is thinking of this for her.

"It would be really cool to host a party at the apartment," Cristina affirms to Addison. She's careful not to say 'our apartment,' because it made Izzie frown at her and Meredith frowned at Addison the one time she said that.

* * *

"Since the boys are all busy, what if we had our double-date movie night on Saturday?" Meredith pipes in with a new suggestion.

"Sounds good," Izzie and Cristina say simultaneously as Addison squeezes Meredith's shoulders.

"Move in anytime, Addison," Cristina smiles at her new roommate.

"You two better not be naked when we come over!" Meredith says to her best friend.

"Pot meet kettle! You two are practically fondling each other at the table!" Izzie giggles as she points to how Meredith's hand is running up and down Addison's thigh.

"You soooooo fell for Grey just like you said you wouldn't!" Cristina teases Addison.

"When did you say that you wouldn't?" Meredith asks Addison, rather shocked.

"I was trying to be straight?" Addison shrugs and says it was a really long time ago.

"As if," Meredith laughs it off and leans up to place a kiss onto Addison's cheek.

"Nope, definitely not straight, Addison's going red as a beet!" Izzie giggles, as Addison swats her pointing finger away playfully.

"Well, you two are just as bad!" Addison points to Cristina's arm wrapped around Izzie's shoulder and Izzie's fingers tracing circles on Cristina's forearm.

* * *

"We never tried not to be gay," Cristina quips back with a familiar smirk and Addison rolls her eyes pointedly.

"Your gay panic was kinda funny," Izzie giggles a bit as Meredith comforts Addison who panics a bit knowing that even Doctor Stevens could tell long ago how she was fighting her urges.

"Whatever," Addison concedes because she has nothing clever to say.

"Hey, at least we're not moving in right away so you can't say anything about lesbian u-hauling!" Meredith sticks up for them both.

"You just want two locations with a bed to make out on, trust me, we have the very same arrangement, now we just need to coordinate schedules to switch off and we're golden," Cristina retorts immediately.

"Ooh, I can make a schedule with the rest of my glitter glue!" Izzie giggles.

"I'm never going to win this one, am I?" Addison sighs.

"Hey, you won me, didn't you?!" Meredith giggles.

"I sure did," Addison smiles at her girlfriend. And the two lean in for a kiss just as Izzie and Cristina do also across the table.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

"Are you ready to go, Mark?" Derek says with reverence as he packs the rest of their things into the truck.

"Yup!" Mark exclaims happily as he joins his best friend in the truck. Derek is driving and Mark is in the passenger seat next to his best friend and they cannot wait to spend the whole weekend together.

_(Derek cannot wait to share a tent with Mark, and he just hopes that Mark feels the same way about him…)_

Mark and Derek pick up George and Alex first, and they sit in the two middle captain's chairs with their stuff in the back also.

The next stop is Preston Burke and Richard Webber, who end up in the back seat with their backpacks between them because there's no more space in the trunk.

"Joe and Walter are meeting us there," Derek explains, as all of them cheer happily.

And with that, they were off...

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

It doesn't take Addison and Meredith as well as Cristina and Izzie to finish up their lunch and run off with their respective girlfriends in opposite directions in search of a spare on-call room.

"See you later!" Addison chirps with a grin to the two other interns as she ushers Meredith into the Attending's lounge instead because it's closer.

"Are you sure this door locks?" Meredith says as she clicks it.

"It should, but let's move the couch leg in front of it anyway," Addison motions and does this, and Meredith giggles at Addison's determination to get her all to herself in a place where she isn't even supposed to hang out until she's past her residency.

"Is this kinky enough for you, Sugar?" Addison says in a determined, yet still a bit shy voice.

"Ooh, you're catching on well, Spice," Meredith smirks as she pushes Addison onto the same couch that is blocking the doorway.

Addison lands in a heap against the back of it and in a flash, Meredith is crawling onto her girlfriend's lap and running her hands through her hair.

"Kiss me, Sugar," Addison begs as she holds Meredith tight to her lap via her waist.

"Mm, oh, will I ever, Spice, mm," Meredith grins as she leans in to capture Addison's lips with her own.

This is their first makeout session in a few hours and Addison and Meredith are realizing now just how much they needed it.

"Fuck," Addison swears as she feels the warmth of Meredith's body against her own. They are pressed flush as they can, wearing just their scrubs this time and no white coats and they are loving every inch of each other.

Meredith swirls her tongue into Addison's mouth and explores every crevice, devouring Addison's lips and teasing with her teeth nibbling a bit at her lips.

"Oh, oh, oh," Addison moans out, losing herself to the moment as Meredith pulls on her hair to beg her to kiss her harder, and Meredith does.

* * *

Addison pushes her tongue up to Meredith's inching it to let Meredith know she wants to move inside of her girlfriend's mouth.

"Mm?" Addison moans out in frustration as Meredith keeps dueling her tongue as she pulls more on Addison's hair.

Meredith is kissing Addison roughly now, and Addison loves it, and she's gripping Meredith tighter to her chest so she can feel as much contact as she possibly can.

"Mm, you'll get your turn, Spice," Meredith pulls away deviously as she latches her lips onto Addison's exposed shoulder.

Meredith kisses her hard there, and plants open-mouthed kisses before suckling hard and replacing her lips with her teeth. Meredith nibbles a long line of hickeys from Addison's right shoulder all the way to the base of her neck.

Addison moans out obscenely until Meredith tells her to cover her own mouth with her hand to stop being so loud as she moves to Addison's other shoulder and repeats the ministrations.

Addison presses her hand to her lips as she tries to keep her moans down as Meredith sucks and nibbles and sucks again.

"Your skin tastes delicious, Spice," Meredith grins as she keeps offering Addison this pleasure as Addison can feel Meredith grinding herself into her lap a bit, clearly enjoying herself just as much.

"Oh, God, Sugar," Addison calls out into Meredith's ear, too far gone to care if people can hear them.

They're being more bold than usual, knowing that the Chief and the other Attendings are on the way to the woods by now, leaving only a scattered few people who could potentially be wanting to have coffee at this particular moment.

They don't even get caught by anyone, as Meredith keeps moving her hands down to Addison's waist as she keeps planting kisses all the way down Addison's upper shoulders and arms.

"Wow, how is this so erotic, Sugar?" Addison's eyes roll to the back of her head as Meredith kisses down to Addison's forearms.

"Mm, I think out rules are making things even more creative, Spice," Meredith muses as she holds one of Addison's arms now and kisses the tender crook of Addison's elbow.

It turns out to be an erogenous zone for Addison, as Meredith can feel the loud moans reverberate through all of Addison's body.

"I guess you're into that, Spice" Meredith moves on to the other arm, repeating the gesture to hear Addison moaning loudly.

"I guess so, Sugar," Addison muses as she pulls Meredith to her lips again and they make out vigorously until they really do have to go prepare for surgery.

* * *

Addison and Meredith's last case of the day is to work with Cristina and Izzie and Bailey and Callie to prepare Shannon Sparks for her treatment plan over the weekend.

"Does anyone have any Friday night or Saturday night plans?" Shannon the patient asks all of them.

Most of the girls wait to see what Callie and Bailey are going to say, because they know they are both not seeing anyone now and they don't want to bum them out with their movie night plans.

"Not really?" Callie says, and then Bailey sees this and says "No plans, either!"

Shannon looks between them as does everyone else in the room, until Callie finally catches on and says to Bailey, "Do you want to hang out sometime?"

And everyone sighs in relief when Bailey says she would love that, "you seem like a great friend, Callie," Bailey offers, and they say that they'll arrange the details a little later.

"Well, I'm moving this weekend to a new apartment," Addison offers, and Cristina adds, "Doctor Montgomery is going to be my new roommate!"

"Well that sounds really fun," Shannon offers, as Izzie says she's hoping to spend the weekend baking some muffins.

"Callie and I will be on over the weekend," Bailey explains to Shannon, who nods at this.

"We're taking over extra shifts as we prepare for our senior exams," Callie adds, as she also explains that Addison, Meredith, Izzie, and Cristina are off until Monday.

"Have a great weekend, girls," Shannon nods at both couples.

When they all say they will, they all seriously mean it.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

The tents are being set up in the woods as George and Alex share one and they can't wait to get naked together in it, Joe and Walter have similar plans with each other.

Preston Burke and Richard Webber are sharing a tent platonically because Richard still has a wife, and Burke says he's still not really fully over Cristina anyway.

And Mark and Derek are sharing a tent as well. Derek hopes that Mark will confess he likes him back, but he's not going to say it first, and so far, Mark seems to be a little oblivious...

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Izzie and Cristina ask if Addison and Meredith need any help unpacking Addison's hotel to move their things in, but both women shake their heads 'no,' and Cristina just smirks at them as she fishes into her pocket to hand Addison her new key.

"Look, it has an 'A' for Addison engraved on it!" Addison shows off to Meredith.

"See, I told her she'd love it!" Izzie gushes and gives a high-five to Cristina.

"Was this engraved at the place in the mall? It matches mine with the 'M', Meredith exclaims cheerfully."

"Sure does," Cristina smirks even wider as she turns and winks at Addison as if to say 'I know you liked to run your thumb over Meredith's key the same way Meredith likes to run her thumb over yours…'

"Please just tell me first if you copy that key for your girlfriend, I like to know how many of them are out there," Cristina deadpans at Addison.

"Uh-" Addison blushes and stutters, having not thought that far ahead yet but suddenly the thoughts are all there and it's really hard to get them out of there.

"I didn't get to have the romantic moment with Cristina because Mer already had an emergency key to Cristina's," Izzie shrugs at Addison.

"Wait, does that mean that Mer already has a key to our (Addison gestures between her and Cristina) apartment?" Addison asks Cristina in alarm.

Cristina bites her lip, not knowing what to say to her, but Meredith pulls out her key ring to point to the one with an engraved 'C' on it.

"You can still give her one with an 'A' on it to be romantic," Cristina offers Addison with a shrug, Izzie gave me one with an 'I' on it. It's the same door but I use the one that fits who I'm visiting at the time as a habit," Cristina deadpans.

"Umm," Addison tries to process all of this information.

"If you want, I can ask George and Alex and also Izzie if they're cool with me making you a key to my/our house when we're ready for that," Meredith offers.

"Umm," Addison just looks a little shocked at all of this info.

"If you ever lose your key it's convenient that your girlfriend has one anyway, and I'm fine with Addison having a key to the house. It's YOUR house, Mer, you can do what you like, and somehow I think the boys will like the idea of Addison being around more," Izzie giggles, motioning between her and Cristina.

"I AM NEVER HAVING A THREESOME WITH GEORGE AND ALEX!" Addison yelps out at Izzie's teasing, and Cristina gives her girlfriend a high-five from having gotten the best of her.

"Well, that's good right, Mer?" Cristina bursts out laughing, and says that, "I don't have a problem with Addison having a key to your house. I don't officially live there but I do most of the time anyway, and I am your twisted sister and person, so I think my opinion matters, and I'm saying I'm cool with it," Cristina smiles.

Izzie and Cristina go back to Cristina's apartment, and tell Meredith and Addison to text them when they are arriving, to 'make sure the room is ready for Addison,' but they all know that's code for 'make sure we're clued up having sex by the time you want to bring boxes in,'.

"I think I have an idea for us," Meredith muses and smiles to Addison as she texts George and Alex to see if they're okay with Addison having an extra key to their place, as a courtesy, and Addison smiles back at her girlfriend…

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

"George! Are you cool if Addison has a key to Mer's house?" Alex belts out at his boyfriend from the other end of the tent, having been closer to George's phone anyway.

"Text back sure from both of us!" George bellows as he rearranges their food pile.

That being finished, the two intern boys wrestle into the tent for a quickie while everyone else starts gearing up for fishing or hiking.

Derek is explaining proudly to Mark all of the things about the lines and the buoys in a private tutorial.

Joe and Walter and Burke and Webber all went off for a hike together because one of them knew the area and wanted to show it off.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Meredith drives herself and Addison in her girlfriend's car to Addison's hotel called 'The Archfield'.

"Wow, it's massive!" Meredith gushes, and says she's never been to this hotel over the overpass before.

"Just wait to see the view from the 22nd floor!" Addison gushes herself.

Addison is really glad she gets to show Meredith this view she's been looking at lonely and alone for most of her time in Seattle.

"You know, Spice, I've had a lot of naughty dreams of all the things I could do to you in your hotel room…" Meredith says in a sultry voice the moment her and Addison are alone on the elevator together.

"So have I, Sugar," Addison says in a growl, taking on the role of the aggressor as she walks Meredith back into the wall of the elevator before sealing their lips together in a searing kiss.

"Mm, much better than I ever imagined," Meredith moans out as Addison starts nibbling on Meredith's shoulders the same way that she had nibbled on Addison's beforehand.

Meredith moaned loudly now that they were alone and they could do whatever they wanted outside of the hospital.

"I like you loud for me, Sugar," Addison growls again as she suckles wet kisses onto Meredith's triceps.

"Ooh, that feels nice, Spice," Meredith runs her hands along Addison's hips and digs in a bit with her fingernails to show just how much she likes it, and they continue like this until the elevator reaches their preferred destination…

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Callie and Bailey decided to hang out and get some food together in the hospital and share it with Shannon Sparks and Shannon's boyfriend, Felix Smallwood who is also in two for the weekend.

Felix jokes about Callie and Bailey becoming a couple, but they both laugh it off and say "she's not my type," and they say that they just want to be friends, because they do.

"Do you have your eye on anyone?" Shannon asks both of them.

"I do, but I'm not doing to tell you who it is because he's one of your doctors," Callie says, thinking of Mark Sloan and how they had flirted the other day.

"Not currently," says Bailey, explaining that she's going through a separation and that she wants some time on her own.

"Just promise us one thing, no matter what," Felix Smallwood offers, and Shannon Sparks smiles up in agreement.

"What?" Callie and Bailey both say in tandem.

"Never ever play with dynamite!" Shannon and her boyfriend belt out, and all of them just keep laughing and laughing.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

"Show me where your bedroom is, Spice!" Meredith says in a chipper way, breaking free the moment the elevator dings and the door opens.

"Certainly, Sugar," Addison leads Meredith by the hand to her hotel room.

Addison's hands shake in anticipation until Meredith saves her from dropping the card key a third time by picking it up and using it to open the door.

The moment they are in, Meredith has Addison's back slammed gently against the door.

She clicks the lock shut as she suckles Addison's neck, leaving bright red marks and pressing into her girlfriend with all of her strength.

"This door is going to wobble like mad," Addison gasps, as Meredith drugs her over to a blank wall instead and grinds her right into that.

Addison remembers how she had many fantasies about sexual encounters that involved her being pressed up against this hotel wall and she moans in delight that her fantasies are finally becoming true.

"God, I can't wait until I can get you naked, Spice," Meredith purrs as she attaches her lips to Addison's earlobe and she bites on it gently.

"Oh, me neither, Sugar," Addison moans as she grips onto Meredith's back the way she knows that Meredith likes it.

* * *

Meredith moves to plant wet kisses all over Addison's neck as Addison moves her chin up to give her more access.

Addison's whole neck and shoulders are now almost completely red with sex marks and Addison makes a joke about having a lot of scarves in her drawers.

The joke about the scarves suddenly reminds Addison of something, and she pulls back for a minute as Meredith quirks her eye curiously at her.

"I remember my dream about you, the one I had in the on-call room when I called out your name. It was about you giving sex to me against this very wall!" Addison blurts out as Meredith's eyes darkened considerably to match Addison's.

"Can you tell me what happened, Spice, so we can act as much of it out as we can?" Meredith says in a seductive tone.

"As you wish, Sugar," Addison hushes as she leans in, to nibble on Meredith's ear as she starts to recall the details…

"I remember you shoving me against this wall, I also fantasized about having sex against it many, many times," Addison calls out as Meredith keeps suckling Addison's ears.

"You love being pushed up into things, don't you, Spice…" Meredith hushes as she grinds Addison with even more strength.

"Oh- damn that feels nice, Sugar," Addison reacts instantly to the pressure and Meredith smirks at her implicit answer.

"Mm, I bet you'd love having me on top of you…" Meredith muses to Addison.

"Oh-God-Oh-God-" Addison moans incoherently and Meredith realizes that Addison might be losing control a little bit as she is starting to grind herself into her hip.

"Addison, I think we might need to cool off for a bit, huh?" Meredith coos gently, as she pulls back from Addison's contact and Addison sighs reluctantly.

Addison knows that when Meredith is using her full name instead of 'Spice,' that her girlfriend is being serious.

"You know I really want you, Meredith" Addison whines, and Meredith kisses her cutely on the nose.

"I want you just as much, Addison, but you know the rules, we set them together, right?" Meredith insists to her.

"I just can't wait until our first milestone," Addison says lustfully as she tries to calm down her breathing and leans back against the wall.

"Me too, Addie," Meredith chuckles as she wraps her arm around Addison to lead her to sit down in a chair so she won't just fall over.

"Mm, you're so good to me, Mer," Addison says sweetly. "As are you," Meredith says back.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Cristina and Izzie go to the movies a day early because there are two films that they want to see this week, so they go to the other movie that Addison and Meredith didn't want to see with them as much.

Izzie gets a caramel pretzel combo while Cristina gets popcorn.

They munch on their food from the back row of the theater until about halfway through the movie, when Cristina puts her arm around Izzie, and they put the food containers down.

They end up snuggling for a few minutes, and just enjoying being close with each other.

And then their resolve breaks inevitably, and they miss the last quarter of the film because they ended up making out together as quietly as they can from the back of the theater.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Meredith and Addison realize they're supposed to be packing boxes, and they finally start this after having spent the afternoon making out against Addison's hotel room wall.

Meredith really enjoys this, as she enjoys house decorations but also getting to know Addison a lot more through her possessions.

Meredith asks if there is anything Addison would like to keep private, but Addison says she doesn't really have any secret things. Meredith smirks a bit, thinking of the 'secret things' that she owns that she might someday show Addison, but Addison doesn't quite place her smirk and just looks confused.

"Ooh, Addie is so innocent, huh?" Meredith teases.

"What?" Addison shrugs blankly at her.

"Okay, as soon as these 60 days are up, we're going shopping for some 'secret things,' for you," Meredith explains finally.

The blush that rises on Addison's cheeks could not be far less deep than the color in cherry-colored paint, itself...

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

The boys all end up having a 'survival of the fittest,' competition that involves logging and tree climbing, and many other endeavors in tent teams of two.

Joe and Walter end up winning, beating everyone out by a mile, and bragging that they can outdo surgeons at sports any day!

Alex and George come a close second, thanks to Alex's athleticism and George's quick thinking.

Mark and Derek finish only two seconds after the interns, as they do have great chemistry despite their slight out of sync from being apart for so long.

Webber and Burke finish dead last and complain about their age, and everyone hands them a beer and says they're brave to be competing against everyone else, at all…

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Meredith and Addison manage to box up every part of Addison's things in labeled boxes for moving. After all the exertion they land in a huff on Addison's bed.

"It's getting late, if you want to stay over tonight for a sleepover we can move in the morning, I have the room anyway, it would be a pity to waste it," Addison suggests to Meredith who grins happily.

"YAY! Our first sleepover!" Meredith giggles.

"Our first sleepover was when I ended up falling asleep on your couch during 'Sleepless in Seattle,' Addison giggles.

"That was an accident one though, and you were asleep on ME, just how I like it," Meredith says cheerfully.

"Mm, are we going to be able to do this? Sleep in the same bed and not… You know?" Addison wonders.

"It's really cute how you're an OB-GYN who calls sex, 'you know,' Meredith teases Addison.

"Okay, hearing you say 'sex,' makes me think of having sex with you, which only makes me more nervous that I'm going to start screwing you in my sleep," Addison says with a laugh.

"If that happens, and I wake up, I promise I'll either put a pillow between your legs like the first time that happened or I'll wake you up," Meredith promises.

"Wait, you watched me like, have sex with a pillow?" Addison clarifies.

"You knew that, remember?" Meredith says.

"I didn't know the pillow part," Addison says, a bit mortified.

"This is why all the sheets and the pillows were in the laundry right away," Meredith smirks at Addison.

"I was REALLY sticky," Addison smirks back.

"Jesus, Addison. Okay, I might need a cold shower before napping tonight if you keep talking like that," Meredith blushes.

Addison grins that she's the one being able to make Meredith red now.

"Okay, you go do that. I'll have a shower after. I will be picturing you naked though!" Addison smirks at Meredith again.

Meredith takes one last longing look at Addison before kissing her roughly for about a minute then pulling away.

"I'll go have that shower, then," Meredith grins, while Addison raises a pillow and swats her playfully.

"Tease!" Addison says to her girlfriend as Meredith runs off to grab a towel from the shelf, and sways her hips all the way so she knows Addison is looking right at her body as she goes off to the shower.

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

***** **END OF CHAPTER 46**

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

An earlier version of this text had an error in which Bailey had a son already. Bailey is still pregnant. This has been since corrected due to fan feedback. Thanks!

The title "Survival of the Fabulous", is a reference to a 2013 movie about how homosexuality survived as a trait in evolution.

On a related note, and interestingly, there has been significant animal behavior research about female-female sexual activities in monkeys which evolved as a way for monkeys from opposing traits to bond their tribes together. F/F pairings are also often formed to facilitate alloparenting in monkeys wherein a male father/caregiver may have abandoned the family or have died, and therefore another female monkey may stop into the parenting role with the baby monkey's original mother.

Further research on this subject can be found here:

* * *

References

[1] Benagiano, G., & Mori, M. 2009. The origins of human sexuality: Procreation or

recreation? _Reproductive Biomedicine Online,_ _18 Suppl 1_ , 50-9.

[2] Bull, C. 1997. Monkey love: Homosexual behavior may have a civilizing influence among

the apes, if not among human beings. _The Advocate,_ (735), 57.

[3] Clay, Z., Pika, S., Gruber, T., & Zuberbühler, K. 2011. Female bonobos use copulation calls

as social signals. _Biology Letters,_ _7_ (4), 513-516.

[4] Clay, Zanna, & Zuberbühler, Klaus. 2011. The structure of bonobo copulation calls during

reproductive and non-reproductive sex. _Ethology,_ _117_ (12), 1158-1169.

[5] Dickemann, J. 2008. Evolution's Rainbow: Diversity, gender, and sexuality in nature and

people. _Journal of the History of Sexuality,_ _17_ (2), 313-329.

[6] Kuhle, B., & Radtke, S. 2013. Born both ways: The alloparenting hypothesis for sexual

fluidity in women. _Evolutionary Psychology,_ _11_ (2), 304-30423.

[7] Macfarlane, G. & Vasey, P. 2016. Promiscuous primates engage in same-sex genital interactions. _Behavioural Processes,_ _126_ , 21-26.

[8] Ottenheimer C., Leca J., Pellis S, & Vasey P. 2015. A structural comparison of female–male and female–female mounting in Japanese macaques (Macaca fuscata). _Behavioural Processes,_ _119_ , 70-75.

[9] Paoli, T., Palagi, E., Tacconi, G., & Tarli, S. 2006. Perineal swelling, intermenstrual cycle, and female sexual behavior in bonobos (pan paniscus). _American Journal of Primatology,68_ (4), 333-347.

[10] Parish, A. 1994. Sex and food control in the "uncommon chimpanzee": How Bonobo females overcome a phylogenetic legacy of male dominance. _Ethology and Sociobiology,15_ (3), 157-179.

[11] Tokuyama, N & Furuichi, F. 2016. Do friends help each other? Patterns of female coalition formation in wild bonobos at Wamba. _Animal Behaviour,_ _119_ (C), 27-35.

* * *

Okay, yeah, I realize that academic sources are an unusual thing to find in fanfiction. Forgive me.

Maybe you'll find this an interesting subject to research, as I have at some point, apparently.

Hope you will leave a note on Chapter 46 of "Falling Apart, Barely Breathing," !

Let me know if you like the ratio here of MerAdd vs. other characters in the story.

As well, the balance of sexuality versus plot. As the slow-burn increases, there is more 'porny stuff' happening, and I wanted to check in with people as to whether they liked that or not.

Additionally, what do you think might happen next in the plot?

(Tune in to find out but I want to hear your predictions!)

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

This Chapter is dedicated to (June 1, 2020):

Ao3:

pclauink for the comments on the last chapter! And Ace_of_the_garden11 for the recent comments on earlier chapters.

Also, this story has 33 Subscriptions, 2854 Hits, 142 Comment Threads, and 7 Bookmarks on Ao3 now, thanks!

Fanfiction:

There are currently 27 Reviews, 19 Favs, 32 Follows, 12128 Hits of this story on that site and it blows me away completely!

Wattpad:

stationsurrea for all the comments and reading it all at once the other day, new_being, arizonaslesbianism, Aaliyahjauregui, addiesrep, for commenting so nicely recently.

The 9 people who put a star on Chapter 44 so far. Shoutouts to unicornbaby78, TheNetflixGal, outlawqueenpercabeth, danielaperezsurga, itslexipedia, addiesbaby, naylorholby, JordynMarie05 and AddisonAddek (who will get here soon I think?), and there are more who have voted on this but it's really hard to track on this app.

This has 6.67K Reads, 917 Comments and 334 stars! Plus more people who added this to their reading lists!

AND TO EVERYONE ELSE READING THIS CHAPTER MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL!

* * *

_As for other recent MerAdd writing projects:_

####  [ **All Too Easy** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24492184)

Meredith once told Derek she could break up with him in her sleep if she had to. Derek never expected her to actually do it.

MerAdd. Meddison. Humor. Fluff. Rated T. Set somewhere after GA-S6-E7, “Give Peace A Chance.”

####  [ **Love The Way You Lie** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24460222)

Derek Shepherd, your husband, hits you- but you stayed until you couldn't stand up anymore. Your best friend Mark Sloan helped you leave him and you two had some adulterous sex. When you see Derek again in Seattle with another woman, all you want is to save her from him. You didn't mean to fall in love with her. She wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, either. But you both did, anyway.

-Addison Forbes Montgomery, for Meredith Grey

MerAdd. Meddison. F/F. Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery. Rated E for Explicit. Grey's Anatomy & Private Practice Crossover.

CW: Domestic Violence. Unhealthy Relationships - Physically & Emotionally Abusive Addek & MerDer. Also briefly okay (non-abusive), Maddison & Mark/Derek.

*This story is entirely fictional. Please seek professional help for abusive relationships in yourself and others. Take all abuse seriously.*

####  [ **Prom?** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24438112)

You see your panties tacked to a bulletin board the following morning and all you can think about is the fact that Addison Montgomery-Shepherd once had her hands all over your underwear. - Meredith Grey 

MerAdd. meddison. F/F. Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery. Beginning at GA-S2-E27, "Losing My Religion". Rated M for Chapter 1, Rated E for Future Chapters. Femslash.

_Let me know what you think of all of that, and I wish you happy reading, friends!!!_

* * *

  
  


**THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU !!!!!**

  
  


* * *

_Author’s Note 3:_

Well, that’s all for now, folks, unfortunately, I must say.

Thanks of course for reading, I will chat with you soon in the comments.

Much love and yours, truly,

bobbiejelly

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	47. I Don't Want To Miss A Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More weekend fluff with all of our lovelies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recently, this work has been gifted to some more super people who added kudos, comments and bookmarks!

_Author's Note 1:_

So, I sheepishly waited until there are both over 100 Kudos and 3000 Hits and 500 Comments on this on Archive Of Our Own to post a new chapter so I could tell you all how much that means to me! This is some very high praise, folks, and it does mean the world.

Ps. There's some porny-ish-stuff in this section. Just so you are aware...

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain'' GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly. NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 47: I Don't Want To Miss A Thing**

* * *

_More weekend fluff with all of our lovelies._

* * *

Meredith Grey takes her time in the shower as she thinks of all the time she's getting to spend with her awesome girlfriend, Addison Montgomery.

So far today, they've gotten Addison's new apartment key from Cristina, sorted Addison's things into boxes, and also made out against the wall and more in Addison's bed.

 _(_ _Their_ _bed, at least for tonight…)_

Meredith is ecstatic about being able to have a real sleepover with Addison, now.

She sleeps better knowing Addie is right by her side, and she loves the way Addison's hair falls on her face as she falls asleep.

Meredith would be lying, though, if she said she wasn't extremely turned on by this situation.

Fuck, Mer knows that her 'spice,' is hot, and hot for her and only her.

And it's Friday now, and it's Saturday tomorrow, and they have to wait until Sunday before their first sexual milestone rolls over.

_('How the hell is this going to work? I want her so badly,' Meredith thinks to herself)._

While with Addison, Meredith is very careful not to cross lines they shouldn't cross yet, and she's usually the one to hold Addison accountable to the same.

In her own head though, she's a mess with desire and she just needs to take the edge off a teeny tiny bit…

"Addie?" Meredith calls out a bit to see if Addison can hear her through the shower.

Meredith has gotten undressed and she's tested the water and she's stepped into it.

Hearing no response from her girlfriend thus far, Meredith decides that she'll continue with what she's had planned for herself…

* * *

_Meanwhile, at the mall,_

Callie Torres and Miranda Bailey pick out some killer new outfits for work and also not for work.

They enjoy spending time together just hanging out as friends, and Callie talks about her crush on Mark Sloan, and Bailey talks about how she wants to stay single for a little while.

They end up with no less than ten shopping bags and it's a truly wonderful time.

* * *

Meredith sighs as she washes normally and indulges in some of Addison's fantastic bath products.

(Meredith is amused when there are at least 5 different languages on all the different bottles!).

After she's completed that part, though, Meredith cannot resist pleasing herself in the shower.

Meredith teases herself with her fingers on her nipples and then moves down to her stomach and even lower, still.

Meredith doesn't take forever, she knows she has to be fairly quick because Addison still needs the shower.

_('Quick and dirty, mm, that sounds really nice…' Meredith thinks to herself…)_

Meredith imagines being able to sleep with Addison now, in a sexual way, as she fingers herself roughly with three fingers.

The blonde woman leans on the edge of the shower as she fucks herself vigorously to release herself.

Meredith knows that at least, this way, she'll be able to resist the temptation of staying in bed with Addison tonight a little bit easier, and hopefully she'll even be able to get some rest.

As she grows closer, Meredith imagines Addison kissing her and how hot their makeouts had been today.

Meredith thinks back to how Addison had dragged her into the Attendings' lounge and barred the door off and how many steamy makeouts she hopes to have with this woman, all over…

When she comes, Meredith cries out for Addison with a shout, yelling "Addie," in gasping breaths. Meredith is caught up in her climax so she's not sure if she's being so loud that Addison can already hear her…

* * *

Addison had started to hear Meredith when she leaned back against the door and started screwing herself and loudly moaning.

Addison figured out what Meredith had been doing and she feels hot from all the erotic sounds emanating from Meredith in the shower.

Addison reddens as she realizes that she probably treated Meredith to a similar cacophony of sounds the time she allegedly screwed a pillow thinking of Grey in her sleep.

_('God,' did I call out that loudly?' Addison wonders to herself…)_

Currently, Addison can hear Meredith's grunts and groans and even little bits of her own name.

It's incredibly fascinating and Addison feels a bit like experimenting with herself while she has the time.

Addison realizes she's already incredibly turned on from her kissing Meredith earlier, as she tries to figure out what she wants to do.

So far, Addison has never really known much about masturbation and Meredith promised to teach her some time but Addison remembers she did apparently orgasm once with a pillow.

Addison snags one of the spare ones off the bed and places it between her legs.

She rocks herself onto it and groans out, mirroring Meredith's sounds as she grinds her hips into the pillow.

"Meredith, Meredith," Addison calls out lightly as she pleasures herself and she wonders why she's never done this for herself before. She can feel the sparks starting to form in her abdomen and she can feel herself clenching harder.

Addison imagines Meredith doing this to herself alongside her, she imagines what Meredith would look like rocking herself in bed next to her.

Addison can still hear Meredith groaning out louder and louder and she's not sure if Meredith can hear her call out but she can't seem to stop.

Addison presses the pillow to her clit more with her hand as she dry-humps it as fervently as she can.

She starts to feel the familiar warmth start to radiate out from her entire being and Addison's eyes flutter shut once more.

"Mer," Addison calls out sharply as she starts to come and she keeps coming and coming and feels better.

The tension leaves Addison's body and dissipates and she's left it a warm and welcome sated feeling. That, and also a stickiness in her underwear, and then she also realizes, her pants…

Addison sits there awkwardly for a second and realizes she REALLY needs a shower now after Meredith is, erm, finished in there because she can't go around with her pants coated in arousal.

And then Addison gets embarrassed so she takes this particular pillow and throws it in the laundry and hopes that Meredith doesn't notice one of them is suddenly missing.

Luckily, Addison's clothes are thick so it's not like she got the bed sheets unclean, but Addison is still strangely smug and smirks to herself at her accomplishment of bringing herself to orgasm all on her own...

* * *

Meredith comes out of the shower wrapped in one of the hotel bathrobes and Addison's mouth waters instantly.

"Have a good shower, Sugar?" Addison smirks and Meredith's face reddens.

"Have a nice nap, Spice?" Meredith smirks back at Addison's slightly guilty looking face and Addison flushes completely.

"I could hear you, Sugar," Addison says gently.

"So could I, Spice," Meredith smirks right back. "It was super hot, by the way," Meredith adds.

"Did you…?" Addison trails off because she's still a bit shy.

"Yeah, I _orgasmed_ , did _you_?" Meredith asks with equal emphasis and a wider smirk.

"Ah- Yeah- Ah-" Addison stumbles and Meredith finds it magnificent.

"Good girl, Spice, I'm glad to know you're feeling a bit better, you are, right?" Meredith says.

"Yeah," Addison says. "How do you feel, Sugar?" Addison asks Meredith.

"Great," Meredith says. "And you?" Meredith asks.

"Sticky," Addison blurts out and Meredith licks her lips.

"God, I just want to taste you and clean you right up," Meredith moans out and Addison's core clenches in reaction.

"I bet that would feel amazing," Addison mutters and Meredith nods that it does.

"You've had that before though, right?" Meredith says curiously to her girlfriend.

"Sort of," Addison admits. "Just once, but not for very long, Mark did for a minute but then he- anyway, not really," Addison eventually sticks with, not wanting to dwell on her past.

"Really, fascinating," Meredith says.

"Did Derek ever do that for you?" Addison asks her, suddenly curious and feeling that they're at the point in their relationship they can ask that of each other.

"No, but we weren't together long anyway," Meredith shrugs and Addison just nods.

"I bet you really need to take a shower now, huh, Spice," Meredith smirks and changes the subject.

"Yeah," Addison says as she blushes and she can feel herself all sticky.

"Have fun," Meredith says, and Addison doesn't know what she means by that.

"What do you mean?" Addison says, then thinking that Meredith must be thinking of whatever she was doing to herself in the shower.

"I know this is new for you, but try it, just by yourself, do to yourself what you'd want someone else to in the shower, if you want," Meredith offers.

"Would that feel like cheating?" Addison says, nervous about what the rules are, here.

"Well, no, you're by yourself it's not like you're with another person, so it's not cheating at all, though I'm glad you asked if you were nervous. I think it's hot, actually. I just did it in the shower and I was thinking of you," Meredith offers calmly and Addison flushes again thinking of Meredith doing _that_ to herself with her fantasies about her.

"I was picturing you too, when I was just, anyway the pillow is in the laundry," Addison finally fumbles out and Meredith only laughs.

"You and your pillows, it's okay, I've done that before, too, thinking of you," Meredith admits finally.

"You have?" Addison says.

"Yeah, after your wet dream I wanted to come like you did," Meredith offers with a winning grin and an eyebrow lift.

"God that sounds so sexy," Addison says, feeling herself heating up all over again.

"Go take your shower, Addison," Meredith laughs, realizing that Addison's pants are probably extremely uncomfortable right now.

"Alright," Addison says as she heads to the shower.

Before she gets there, Meredith pulls her into a searing kiss for a few minutes before she finally lets go.

"Something to think about in there," Meredith smirks, and Addison smiles and thinks to herself, 'indeed,'.

* * *

_Meanwhile, in the woods,_

"It's getting cold, does everyone want s'mores?" Says Joe as he offers one to Walter.

Everyone seems to emerge from their tents to eat up, and they tell ghost stories and many other fun shenanigans.

"So, how was everyone's first day camping?" Derek asks.

Derek really wants to know what Mark is thinking, but he asks everyone anyway.

"Good," says Alex, and George smirks at him. "Yeah, really good," George says.

It's only funny because they hardly left their tent after all.

"We had a nice hike," says Richard Webber, and Preston Burke agrees.

"I liked fishing, I wasn't very good, but it was fun," Mark says, and Derek beams at him.

"I'm glad you liked the fishing," Derek says to Mark, who smiles back at him.

"Another s'more?" Walter offers to everyone, and most people say yes to this.

* * *

_Meanwhile, very much not in the woods,_

Meredith dries herself off and uses some of Addison's fancy moisturizer on her skin as she waits for Addison in the shower.

Addison washes herself off and shaves, and then she leans back against the wall and experiments with 'touching herself,' as Meredith had suggested.

Addison starts experimentally running her fingers over her folds and enjoying it.

Addison is already wet from all of her and Meredith's kissing and also having just gotten herself off via pillow.

Addison uses two fingers to circles around until she finds her clit and presses on it and really likes that feeling so she does it more and more.

Finally, Addison is brave enough to dip a finger inside of herself and she moans at the feeling. Addison can feel her own heat with her fingers and the stimulation inside and she decides she really likes this feeling.

More and more, Addison explores with her finger until she strikes her g-spot by accident and squeals loudly and steadies herself against the wall.

Addison rubs her fingers around herself again to find the right spot and then she just keeps rubbing it over and over again once she finds it.

Addison keeps fingering herself roughly with the one finger until she adds a second and sinks them further in.

Her thumb strikes her clit, again, accidentally the first time and Addison swears incoherently when she feels it.

"Fuck!" Addison calls out obscenely as she puts her thumb down on that spot again. Addison keeps repeating the motions she likes over and over again until she feels her walls clenching around her and pleasure radiating out through her core.

Addison calls out again, "Meredith!" Thinking of her girlfriend as she works herself until she can't anymore and she comes down from her second orgasmic high in the past hour.

"God," Addison catches her breath as she fingers herself through the aftershocks, and her longest finger hits her g-spot hard and fluid gushes out as she comes again all over her fingers.

Addison takes her hand away, totally spent now as she allows the warm water to wash over her. Addison is careful not to slip in the shower as she washes herself off all over again and calms herself down.

Addison has no idea what to say to Meredith about it all, but she wraps herself up into the other robe and wraps her hair in a towel and heads on back into the hotel room to find her.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Cristina and Izzie spend the night curled up in Cristina's apartment after they get home from the movie.

"You know, this might be the last time we have this place entirely to ourselves since Addison is moving in," Cristina says to Izzie.

"Are you cool with that?" Izzie says.

"To be fair, I predict Addison is going to spend most of her time at Mer's place," Cristina laughs.

"Does that mean I get to stay over in your room?" Izzie asks hopefully.

"Absolutely," says Cristina with a smile. "And when we want to mix things up, we can stay in your room at Mer's, and Addison and Meredith can spend the night in Addison's new room," says Cristina.

"For sure, I wasn't kidding, I might make a glittering calendar or a sticker chart," Izzie says.

"Okay, thanks for helping move the stuff out of the spare room, earlier," says Cristina.

"No problem," says Izzie. "Sticker chart?" Izzie adds in question.

"Sex first, sticker chart after," says Cristina.

"You're on," Izzie says as she latches her lips to her girlfriend's.

* * *

_Meanwhile, back at the Archfiend Hotel with Meredith and Addison,_

"So how was it?" Meredith says with a smirk.

"Could you hear me?" Addison asks shyly, sitting on the bed next to Meredith.

"Yeah, a little," Meredith says with a grin.

"Somehow that's kind of sexy," says Addison as she motions to curl up by Meredith.

"I think we might need clothes before we snuggle," Meredith says wisely.

"Probably," says Addison with a laugh.

"I brought pajamas," says Meredith, as she goes to get them and slips them on quickly.

Addison can see her change, she's already seen Meredith naked so she can't help but look.

Addison's mouth waters at the sight and she cannot wait to get her hands all over Meredith's naked body and vice-versa.

"Aren't you going to change, Spice?" Meredith giggles at Addison's drooling at her.

"What?" Addison says, snapping back to reality.

"I really do like the lust in your eyes, it's very sexy," says Meredith.

"Oh, right, Sugar, I just got distracted," says Addison, and then blushes again.

"You are the cutest thing," says Meredith and it makes Addison's heart swell.

* * *

For a long time, Addison had not felt very desirable, and now she felt like the most desired person in the universe because Meredith wanted her.

"You know, it means a lot that you're saying all these nice things to me," Addison says to her girlfriend.

"It means a lot that you're hearing them," offers Meredith.

"What do you mean by that?" Asks Addison.

"I mean that a while back you might have just denied the compliments. I think you're accepting and caring for yourself more," says Meredith.

"Thanks, Meredith," says Addison, deeply touched.

"You seem less…" Addison can't seem to find the words.

"Dark and twisty?" Meredith offers.

"Yeah," says Addison.

"Bright and shiny Meredith, right here and feeling brand new with you," offers Meredith.

"It's this nice, we can just relax like this and enjoy it?" Addison says.

"It really is, I just want to appreciate this time," Meredith says.

"Yeah, appreciate the time," says Addison as she slips off the robe and gets into pajamas.

* * *

"So how was it?" Meredith asks again, now that they're both in clothes and go to snuggle up in the bed.

"It was interesting, I felt some places inside me that I liked, and I guess I feel better because I came, so I came several times today," says Addison shyly.

"Uh-huh, that's really awesome, I'm proud of you," says Meredith with a grin. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," Meredith smiles.

"You really think it's a good thing?" Addison asks Meredith, who is somehow much more of an 'expert,' at this.

"Yeah, it makes you feel good, right?" Meredith says and Addison nods.

"Plus, if you learn what you like with yourself, you can talk about it more with a partner, aka me, when the time comes," offers Meredith.

"Are you gonna tell me what YOU like?" Addison says excitedly.

"Of course, when the time comes, though I also did have several orgasms today so I feel light and airy," Meredith says.

"So close yet so far to our next milestone," Addison sighs.

"Yeah, but we got to try something new today anyway without crossing any lines, isn't that great?" Meredith says.

"What did you do that was new?" Addison questions.

"I'm getting to talk with you about fingering yourself in the shower, aren't I?" Meredith says with a grin.

"Damn, Sugar, how do you always get me all riled up in one sentence!" Addison says with an impressed huff.

"Who knows, but I just love what it does to you, Spice," Meredith offers.

"Can we kiss a bit before we go to bed?" Addison asks her girlfriend.

"Only for a little bed, then sleep," says Meredith.

"Why only for a little bit?" Addison says.

"Well, because if we make out for a longer time, we might end up doing things in our sleep," Meredith says with a grin.

"Wait, you do that too?" Addison exclaims.

"Who knows? But I want my first time with you to be when I'm totally awake," Meredith offers.

"True, I don't want to miss a thing," Addison says, curling Meredith's hair behind her cheek.

Meredith leans in to kiss Addison, and Addison leans in also.

They kiss softly and slowly for a while, just deepening enough to feel each other's emotions.

Eventually, Meredith sighs and pulls away and asks Addison just to cuddle with her.

They fall sleepy in a tangle of limbs, with Addison's arm draped over Meredith's shoulder and Meredith's ankle crossed over Addison's calf.

Just as Meredith is drifting off in a deeper sleep, she feels Addison press her lips to the top of her head to kiss her goodnight, and Meredith squeezes Addison's hand to show that she feels affectionate in the very same way.

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

***** **END OF CHAPTER 47**

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

Hello! Yes, it has been eons. Title reference here is "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing," by Aerospace.

Wanted to get a shorter chapter out rather than waiting for a super long one.

Did you like these slices of life with all the characters but mostly MerAdd?

Did you like the fluffy continuation of last time?

Did you like that Addison finally did some self-exploration?

Let me know in the comments!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

This Chapter is dedicated to (June 10, 2020):

Everyone reading this, of course, thanks! But specifically...

Ao3:

pclauink for the comments on the last chapter! And LordOfLezzies for the recent comments on earlier chapters.

Also, this story has Subscriptions: 35 Hits: 3108 Kudos: 102 Comment Threads: 145 Bookmarks: 10

Fanfiction:

There are currently 27 Reviews, 20 Favs, 32 Follows, 13227 Hits of this story on that site and it blows me away completely!

Wattpad:

stationsurrea for all the comments and reading it all at once the other day, new_being, arizonaslesbianism, Aaliyahjauregui, addiesrep, for commenting so nicely recently.

All the stars on the last chapter. Shoutouts to unicornbaby78, TheNetflixGal, outlawqueenpercabeth, danielaperezsurga, itslexipedia, addiesbaby, naylorholby, JordynMarie05 and AddisonAddek (who will get here soon I think?), and there are more who have voted on this but it's really hard to track on this app.

This has 7.6K Reads, 342 stars, 932 Comments. Plus more people who added this to their reading lists!

AND TO EVERYONE ELSE READING THIS CHAPTER MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL!

* * *

_As for other recent MerAdd writing projects:_

####  [ Bubble ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24426472)

_Addison Forbes Montgomery is trapped for 28 days with only Meredith Grey in her house in Seattle. Will they stay enemies? Will they become friends? Will they become 'more than friends'?_

_Loosely Based on Current Events. MerAdd. Meddison. F/F. Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey. Rated E for Explicit. Spoilers through GA-S16-E21, PP-S6-E13 (aka now). Fluff, Humor, Romance._

####  [ **Love The Way You Lie** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24460222)

_Derek Shepherd, your husband, hits you- but you stayed until you couldn't stand up anymore. Your best friend Mark Sloan helped you leave him and you two had some adulterous sex. When you see Derek again in Seattle with another woman, all you want is to save her from him. You didn't mean to fall in love with her. She wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, either. But you both did, anyway._

_-Addison Forbes Montgomery, for Meredith Grey_

_MerAdd. Meddison. F/F. Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery. Rated E for Explicit. Grey's Anatomy & Private Practice Crossover. _

_CW: Domestic Violence. Unhealthy Relationships - Physically & Emotionally Abusive Addek & MerDer. Also briefly okay (non-abusive), Maddison & Mark/Derek. _

_*This story is entirely fictional. Please seek professional help for abusive relationships in yourself and others. Take all abuse seriously.*_

####  [ **Prom?** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24438112)

_You see your panties tacked to a bulletin board the following morning and all you can think about is the fact that Addison Montgomery-Shepherd once had her hands all over your underwear. - Meredith Grey_

_MerAdd. meddison. F/F. Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery. Beginning at GA-S2-E27, "Losing My Religion". Rated M for Chapter 1, Rated E for Future Chapters. Femslash._

Let me know what you think of all of that, and I wish you happy reading, friends!!!

* * *

  
  


**THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU !!!!!**

* * *

_Author’s Note 3:_

Well, that’s all for now, folks, unfortunately, I must say.

Thanks of course for reading, I will chat with you soon in the comments.

Much love and yours, truly,

bobbiejelly

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR READING!


	48. Collide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving can be hell, but less so when one has an amazing girlfriend to help you out with it.

_Author's Note 1:_

Here's an update! Yes, it has been ages! I have returned!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain'' GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly. NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 48: Collide**

* * *

_Moving can be hell, but less so when one has an amazing girlfriend to help you out with it._

* * *

Sunday morning arrives and Meredith Grey finds herself happily enveloped in Addison Montgomery, her girlfriend in Addison's hotel room.

Meredith wakes up first and she leans in and admires the way Addison smells like spice and brown sugar. She enjoys how Addison's arms wrap around her shoulders and back. She enjoys the feeling of Addison's even breathing.

Meredith sighs and decides she always wants to wake up to Addison Montgomery's warm embrace. Not to wake Addison, Meredith drifts off into a half-sleep again, daydreaming about their next milestone together.

Addison stirs not long after that, nuzzling into Meredith's head as she does, blinking her eyes awake softly and yawning as she comes to fully.

"Morning Sugar," says Addison softly.

"Morning Spice," replies Meredith.

"Sleep well?" Asks Addison.

"Always when I'm tangled up in you," says Meredith dreamily.

"I love having you safe in my arms," says Addison.

"As do I," says Meredith sweetly.

"Moving day today," says Addison.

"Yeah, and a movie with Cristina and Izzie!" Says Meredith.

"Yeah, I'm really excited for that," says Addison.

"I'm really glad you want to go on double-dates with my friends and I, I know you're an Attending and it's different, but I love how well you fit in with the intern crew, y'know?" Says Meredith.

"I think it's an honor to be accepted to be an honorary member of your MAGIC-al friends, you are all so special, and you care for each other, and I love that for you," says Addison.

* * *

"Have you texted Callie and Bailey at all this weekend? I don't want to pressure you, or control you in any way, it's your choice always… What I mean by that, is just that Callie's new and she seems like she could use a friend as I said. And Bailey's been a friend of yours. And I think they sort of seem to want to be your friend, too. And they'd be lucky to have you in their circle," says Meredith.

"Oh, thanks for being so cool about that, Sugar. I'll text them now, I guess I got caught up in… Kissing you… And having a lotta orgasms I forgot," says Addison sheepishly.

"Well, I'm glad your orgasms were so memorable, huh, Spice," says Meredith sweetly to her girlfriend.

"Yeah, they were, are, can we kiss some more?" Asks Addison lustfully.

"I love how insatiable you are," Meredith smiles.

"Only for you, Sugar," says Addison. "I'm insatiable for you…" Addison says as she moves to straddle Meredith.

"Mm, I like when you talk like that and get all bossy," says Meredith, admiring Addison above her.

Usually, Meredith is more in charge during their makeouts, and they enjoy that, and other times such as right now, Meredith enjoys when Addison is the aggressor.

"I'm going to kiss you now, Sugar, cool?" Addison asks in a bossy tone.

"Yeah," says Meredith, allowing herself to relax into the bed and feel Addison's weight on her.

Meredith leans up and Addison leans down and their lips meet in the middle.

The kiss is an awakening deeper than a 'good morning.'

It's an awakening of the senses, of the body, of the mind, and of the spirit.

"I wish we could kiss forever," says Addison, after their lips part for air.

"We can, we just need food and friends and surgery in between," says Meredith with a smile.

"More kisses?" Asks Addison.

"M'kay, but we gotta check out of the hotel room and move your stuff!" Says Meredith, giggling as Addison starts kissing her neck again right away.

"Ooh, that feels nice, Spice," says Meredith as Addison allows the pad of her tongue to caress Meredith's neck.

Addison plans warm kisses with tongue all over Meredith's neck, from her jaw to her ears before kissing behind those.

"Oh, really nice," says Meredith as Addison suckles Meredith's ears and runs her hands down the blonde's waist and savors every inch of her.

"You're so beautiful," says Meredith, fluttering her eyes open before closing them again as she feels Addison suckling her shoulder tenderly.

"I could do this all day," says Addison as she suckles Meredith's other shoulder into her lips.

This brings Meredith back to reality though, as she realizes they're not doing a great job at getting going to their chores for the day.

"I know, Addison. I could do this all day, too, with you. But we have to get you moved into your new apartment, ok?" Says Meredith, gently bringing her hands up to cup Addison's face and move them away from kissing her shoulder again, no matter how much she loves it.

"Sometime we gotta spend a whole weekend together just kissing," Addison sighs.

"Well, we could do that…" Says Meredith teasingy, "in your new apartment!" Meredith finally exclaims and Addison groans.

"Alright, I'll let you pick out what you want from room service for breakfast, and I'll shoot a few texts to Bailey and Callie," says Addison, reluctantly crawling off of her girlfriend's lap.

* * *

Bailey and Callie get their texts from Addison while working the morning shift at the hospital.

Shannon Sparks, their burn patient from dynamite laughs because their phones buzz at the same time.

"It's Addison," says Callie.

"Yeah," says Bailey.

"She wants to maybe go for lunch with us both sometimes, just as friends soon while Meredith catches up with her intern friends!" Says Callie.

"That sounds really great," says Bailey.

"If you ever want to have lunch in our room with us you are welcome to," Shannon says, and her boyfriend Felix Smallwood agrees.

"Yeah, you two have taken great care of us this weekend, we'll miss you otherwise," says Felix.

Callie and Bailey propose this to Addison, who agrees wholeheartedly.

* * *

"Bailey and Callie want to have lunch with me on Monday, are you cool with that, while you hang out with your intern buddies?" Addison says as she lays down her phone.

"Yeah, that would be great. I'll text them. I'm glad we're doing this, because as much as I-, as much as it's great to spend time with you too, I love spending time with my friends, and I want you to have friends, too, to hang out with," says Meredith.

"Yeah, I'll never make you fight between time with me or your friends," says Addison.

"Likewise," says Meredith.

"What did you order for breakfast?" Asks Addison.

"It's a surprise!" Says Meredith.

The answer comes soon though, because a tureen of omelets arrives with a knock on the door. Addison has already had everything charged to the room, so Meredith tips the server and they take things in for their feast.

"I didn't know what kind you liked so I got four different small ones," says Meredith shyly.

"Variety is the spice of life," Addison says sweetly.

They dig in, savoring every moment of the eggs and cheese and various ingredients and wash it all down with fresh fruit punch.

"Are you ready to get moving to get moving?" Meredith asks Addison with a laugh.

"After more kissing, I will be!" Says Addison, moving to sit herself down on Meredith's lap and kiss down her neck.

"God, you're so hot Spice," says Meredith.

"Hey, you're the one who's impossible not to keep kissing, Sugar," says Addison.

The girls giggle for ten more minutes and kiss and touch and cuddle before they finally get dressed and ready for moving.

* * *

_Meanwhile, in Cristina's apartment,_

"Do you like the sticker chart calendar?" Izzie asks her girlfriend Cristina.

"It's awesome, I love how organized it is!" Says Cristina.

"What would you do if I weren't around to help you fold laundry!" Says Izzie as she folds clothes she finds on the floor.

"Well, I definitely wouldn't be kissing my killer girlfriend," says Cristina.

"Wait, you don't mean that literally, right?" Says Izzie.

"So what if I have weird TV fantasies about hot and sexy female psychopaths and I project these on occasion onto my girlfriend… I think I ended up watching too much British TV at some point…" Says Cristina.

"I thought you only watched surgical tapes?" Says Izzie, rather surprised.

"Surgery. Psychopaths. Pretty much the only things I'm interested in on TV," says Izzie.

"Your interests never cease to intrigue me," says Izzie.

"Well, sometimes I watch stuff while you're busy baking," says Cristina with a shrug.

"Next time I'll have to bribe you with more batter so you take a break from obsessing unhealthily over assassins…" Says Izzie with a smile.

"That'll probably work. Plus, you've got better tits than the TV assassins anyway," says Cristina.

"See, usually I hate when people love me for my body, but you love me for everything else," says Izzie.

"I sure do," says Cristina.

* * *

_Meanwhile, back at the hotel,_

"Higher!" Says Addison.

"Oof!" Says Meredith.

They're loading all the boxes into the elevator and it's heavy and it takes a team effort.

"God, I'm going to be sore after all this, Sugar!" Says Addison.

"Yeah, you're right, Spice. Eek!" Says Meredith.

"You know, if you're into it… We could give each other massages after?" Asks Addison shyly.

"Ooh, that could be amazing!" Says Meredith excitedly.

At some point in the process, Meredith and Addison collide into each other and end up in a fit of giggles.

"We're in an elevator," says Addison with a smirk.

"And?" Says Meredith.

"And where I come from, elevators are always aphrodisiacs," says Addison.

"Mm, I see," says Meredith, leaning in to tease Addison.

"Oh, come here, please Meredith," says Addison, placing her box on the floor and placing them on Meredith's waist.

"As you wish Addison," says Meredith as she leans in to kiss her girlfriend and push her against the wall of the elevator and they make out until they reach the ground floor.

"Would it be bad if we pressed the emergency button just to make out some more?" Asks Addison.

"Probably. But it's a hotel. It's not like anyone's gonna die if we do it!" Meredith squeals as she stops the elevator and they take each other into searing kisses for just a little while longer.

* * *

_Meanwhile, in the woods,_

Mark and Derek ended up cuddled up together when they woke up, and Derek loved it.

Mark loves it too, but he starts confessing to Derek about his crush on Callie Torres.

"She's cool," Derek deadpans unenthusiastically.

"Do you think I'd have a shot if I asked her out?" Says Mark to his best friend.

"You'd probably have a shot with anyone," says Derek hopefully.

"Thanks, man. You're the best friend ever," says Mark.

"You're welcome," says Derek, his heartbreaking a little.

Derek stays curled up to Mark as long as he can, dreading the moment they have to let go.

* * *

_Meanwhile, back with Addison and Meredith,_

The Uber driver is pretty good to help with the move. Addison and Meredith load up all of Addison's things into the car and then they sit together in the back seat.

"How long have you been together?" Asks the driver.

"Not long enough," Addison gushes.

"Yeah, what she said," says Meredith.

They resist the urge to make out in the Uber, as the driver is already doing them a favor by helping them move so much stuff.

They arrive at the permanent residence of Cristina Yang and now Addison Montgomery in record time, and the driver even helps them unload the boxes.

"Do you want to break in your new key?" Meredith offers.

"Sure," says Addison, as she pulls it out from her pocket and opens the door.

"SHOOT!" It can be heard from the other side of it.

"THEY DIDN'T TEXT US!" Another voice exclaims.

"CRISTINA!" Says Izzie.

"IZZIE!" Says Cristina.

"GIVE US FIVE?!" Both voices say at the same time.

"Guess we have some time to catch up ourselves," says Addison to Meredith who grins.

Meredith takes this opportunity to push Addison up against the door and start kissing her roughly while dragging her hands to Addison's sides.

"I liked it when you were in charge today," says Meredith as she slips her tongue into Addison's mouth.

"You liked that?" Says Addison, smiling.

"Yeah, it's hot when you're bossy," says Meredith.

"Mm, you're the bossy one!" Says Addison as she holds onto her girlfriend's hips.

Meredith and Addison make out until Cristina opens the door to let them in and they tumble onto the ground on top of each other because they were leaning against the door for kissing.

"Guess we weren't the only busy ones, huh," Izzie teases.

"Somehow, I feel so much better now that my best friend and my boss who is also my friend are on my doorway groping each other still," Cristina laughs.

"Yeah, they fit right in here," Izzie smirks at Cristina who also giggles.

"Yo, are you going to move in or what?" Says Cristina.

"Right," says Meredith, standing up and helping Addison to her feet again.

"Do you want some help with the boxes?" Asks Izzie.

"Yeah, we'll help," says Cristina.

Four of the girls bring everything into Addison's new room and lay them on the floor.

Izzie and Cristina then give Meredith and Addison some time to get used to the space as they go out to get some groceries.

"Do we all want to have dinner here before the movie? Then we can split another Uber?" Says Cristina.

"Who's cooking?" Asks Meredith. "I can't cook!" Meredith confesses.

"I'm cooking of course," Izzie teases. "Cristina gets to pick out dessert though!" Says Izzie.

"Sounds great," says Addison.

"Izzie's a great cook, you'll love it," explains Meredith, as Addison hadn't lived with Izzie yet as she had.

"See you later," Izzie and Cristina say as they walk out the door.

"Later!" Meredith and Addison say as they start unpacking the boxes they just packed up from Addison's hotel room.

"You know, this is the second time in Seattle when I felt completely at home, and I like that," says Addison.

"What's the first time?" Meredith asks, rather surprised at Addison's answer.

"The first time, it was the first time, when I kissed you," says Addison sweetly.

"Thanks," says Meredith. "Welcome home, Addison," her girlfriend adds.

"Kiss me, Sugar? Then it'll feel like home even more," Addison says to Meredith.

"Kiss me, Spice, and we can be at home together," says Meredith to Addison.

_And Meredith Grey and Addison Montgomery certainly do._

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

***** **END OF CHAPTER 48**

* * *

_Author's Note 2:_

Song inspiration for this chapter is "Collide," by Howie Day.

Hope you enjoyed this one.

I didn't want to rush this important weekend.

And there's a sweet Villanelle/Eve fanfiction where I saw the scene about falling inside the door from making out that I was inspired by, it's called "Made For You," by TheIronDragon10.

Let me know in the comments what you liked about this, what you're looking forward to, and any requests!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

This Chapter is dedicated to (June 26, 2020):

Everyone reading this, of course, thanks! But specifically...

Ao3:

pclauink for the comments on the last chapter! And LordOfLezzies & lightnngmaystrike for the recent comments on earlier chapters.

Subscriptions: 37 Hits: 3466 Kudos: 107 Comment Threads: 152 Bookmarks: 11

Fanfiction:

There are currently 27 Reviews, 20 Favs, 34 Follows, 14723 Hits of this story on that site and it blows me away completely!

Wattpad:

stationsurrea for all the comments and reading it all at once the other day, new_being, arizonaslesbianism, Aaliyahjauregui, addiesrep, for commenting so nicely recently.

All the stars on the last chapter. Shoutouts to unicornbaby78, TheNetflixGal, outlawqueenpercabeth, danielaperezsurga, itslexipedia, addiesbaby, naylorholby, JordynMarie05 and AddisonAddek (who will get here soon I think?), and there are more who have voted on this but it's really hard to track on this app.

This has 9 K Reads, 458 stars, 1K Comments. Plus more people who added this to their reading lists!

AND TO EVERYONE ELSE READING THIS CHAPTER MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL!

* * *

_ As for other recent MerAdd writing projects: _

####  [ **Bubble** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24426472)

_ Addison Forbes Montgomery is trapped for 28 days with only Meredith Grey in her house in Seattle. Will they stay enemies? Will they become friends? Will they become 'more than friends'? _

_ Loosely Based on Current Events. MerAdd. Meddison. F/F. Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey. Rated E for Explicit. Spoilers through GA-S16-E21, PP-S6-E13 (aka now). Fluff, Humor, Romance. _

####  [ **Love The Way You Lie** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24460222)

__

_ Derek Shepherd, your husband, hits you- but you stayed until you couldn't stand up anymore. Your best friend Mark Sloan helped you leave him and you two had some adulterous sex. When you see Derek again in Seattle with another woman, all you want is to save her from him. You didn't mean to fall in love with her. She wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, either. But you both did, anyway. _

_ -Addison Forbes Montgomery, for Meredith Grey _

_ MerAdd. Meddison. F/F. Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery. Rated E for Explicit. Grey's Anatomy & Private Practice Crossover. _

_ CW: Domestic Violence. Unhealthy Relationships - Physically & Emotionally Abusive Addek & MerDer. Also briefly okay (non-abusive), Maddison & Mark/Derek. _

_ *This story is entirely fictional. Please seek professional help for abusive relationships in yourself and others. Take all abuse seriously.* _

####  [ **Prom?** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24438112)

_ You see your panties tacked to a bulletin board the following morning and all you can think about is the fact that Addison Montgomery-Shepherd once had her hands all over your underwear. - Meredith Grey  _

_ MerAdd. meddison. F/F. Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery. Beginning at GA-S2-E27, "Losing My Religion". Rated M for Chapter 1, Rated E for Future Chapters. Femslash. _

Let me know what you think of all of that, and I wish you happy reading, friends!!!

* * *

  
  


**THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU !!!!!**

* * *

_ Author’s Note 3: _

Well, that’s all for now, folks, unfortunately, I must say.

Thanks of course for reading, I will chat with you soon in the comments.

Much love and yours, truly,

bobbiejelly

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	49. Glitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heart of gold.

_Author's Note:_

This fic is not abandoned, just a slow WIP :).

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain'' GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly. NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 49: Glitter**

* * *

_Heart of gold._

* * *

Meredith Grey and Addison Montgomery spend a lazy day making out on Addison's new bed in her and Cristina's apartment in between unboxing Addison's things.

"Whoa!" Says Meredith. "I didn't know you had clothes like this!" She says as she finds Addison's sweatpants.

"Oh, those are… Embarrassing…" Says Addison with a bit of a blush.

"Hey, everyone relaxes sometimes, even super-stylish attending physicians like you, Addison," says Meredith sweetly. "Plus, I think that these look really sexy," Meredith adds with a bite of her lip.

This causes Addison to groan out, and pull Meredith into another round of kissing all over again.

"Good to know that flattery gets me somewhere, hey Spice," Meredith teases.

Addison groans as she suckles lightly on Meredith's neck. "I guess so," Addison giggles.

"I'm not just saying that, you are really sexy even in sweatpants," says Meredith.

"Thanks, Sugar," says Addison. "They are really cozy. You can try them on if you want," she adds.

Meredith nods, and tries on Addison's clothing.

"Whoa, this fabric is amazing!" Says Meredith.

"It really is!" Says Addison. "Whoa, you look really hot in those," says Addison.

"Thanks," says Meredith a bit shyly.

"Come here," says Addison.

"Insatiable," Meredith giggles.

They end up tumbling against one another over one of the moving boxes, with Meredith on top of Addison's hip and continuing to make out like teenagers.

Meredith feels her mouth get a little swollen from the rough kisses, and Addison ends up flushed in her cheeks.

"More boxes?" Says Meredith. "Yeah, we might want to get through a few more boxes," Addison smiles.

The afternoon turns into early evening, and as if on cue, Cristina and Izzie are soon knocking on the front door.

* * *

"WE'RE HOME!" Says Izzie in a chipper voice.

"IF YOU TWO ARE NAKED PLEASE GET DRESSED NOW!" Says Cristina bluntly.

"HEY!" Says Izzie to Cristina teasingly.

"I DON'T WANNA SEE MY BEST FRIEND BANGING MY BOSS!" Says Cristina.

"POINT TAKEN!" Says Izzie.

Addison slides off from on top of Meredith and goes to answer the door.

"We were fully dressed the whole time," Addison says to Cristina and Izzie.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight," says Cristina suspiciously.

Meredith appears at the door as well, and Izzie giggles a little.

"See, you have Addison's lipstick all over your neck and face," Cristina says.

"Hey!" Says Meredith.

"It's a really distinctive color," says Izzie.

"What is it called?" Says Cristina.

"Elevator Love Letter," Addison blurts out.

"It's really nice, I have some too!" Says Meredith.

"Look at that, you're already _merging_ ," Cristina teases.

"What, like you and Izzie don't share anything?" Says Meredith.

"We share shirts sometimes," says Izzie.

"Hey!" Says Cristina.

"You always like my sweaters," Izzie giggles.

"That's because they smell like you," says Cristina, whispering.

"Look who's mushy now!" Says Meredith.

"Hey!" Says Cristina.

"It's okay, I won't tell a soul about how mushy you are," says Addison.

"Thank you," says Cristina.

"Seriously, she'll probably stab you in the stomach if you do," says Izzie.

"Probably," Addison laughs.

"Probably," Meredith laughs also.

"So, shall we start working on dinner?" Says Izzie.

And everybody agrees.

* * *

As it turns out, Addison and Izzie end up doing most of the cooking, and Meredith and Cristina end up doing most of the gossiping while washing the dishes.

"I can't actually cook," Meredith shrugs.

"I can, a little, but Izzie's a culinary genius so I don't have to anymore," says Cristina.

"Addison's good at cooking I think. Gosh, she's so sexy in that apron, too," says Meredith.

"You've got it _so bad_ ," says Cristina to her best friend, punching her teasingly in the arm.

"Hey, so do _you_ ," says Meredith, pointing out how she's gushing about Izzie.

"When did we get this happy and lucky?" Says Cristina rhetorically.

"No idea, but I really enjoy it," says Meredith.

"Yeah, I mean, lord when we started off our intern year, I was seeing Preston Burke and you were seeing Derek Shepherd, and neither of us had a healthy relationship. And now we both have really great girlfriends who care about us who we care about… And it's just nice," says Cristina.

"It IS nice," says Meredith. "I still feel dark and twisty sometimes, but not always in a bad way. I feel like a weight is off of my shoulders," says Meredith.

"Yeah," says Cristina. "Absolutely," she agrees.

"I'm looking forward to the movie tonight," says Meredith.

"Me too," says Cristina. "Promise me one thing, Mer?" Says Cristina.

"Ya?" Says Meredith.

"No matter what, I want us to be best friends. You have Addison now, and I have Izzie, but I want us to be best friends," says Cristina.

"Of course," says Meredith. "I think- look, it's too soon and all… But Addison could be the love of my life… I sure hope that she is… But either way, YOU are my soulmate, Cristina. And that's never gonna change no matter what," Meredith offers.

"I think you're my soulmate, too," says Cristina.

"I want us to always make time for each other, the same way we make time for our partners," says Meredith.

"Yeah," says Cristina. "Even if we're just jogging," she adds.

"Hey, you know I don't really jog," says Meredith.

"Okay, but you dance though," says Cristina.

"Definitely," says Meredith.

Cristina and Meredith put on some music and dance around the kitchen as Izzie and Addison prepare dinner.

* * *

"Pepper," says Izzie confidently.

"Pepper," Addison responds, placing it in Izzie's palm.

"Is it weird being led by an intern?" Izzie asks Addison.

"We're not at the hospital now, we're all the same," says Addison.

"That's really sweet," says Izzie as she stirs the sauce.

"Thanks," says Addison. "I try to be fair," says Addison.

"Thanks for not saying anything about my liking Cristina before I did," says Izzie, realizing she'd never fully thanked Addison for that.

"No problem," says Addison. "Thanks for being okay with me dating your friend. I guess we've come a long way since I asked you how important it is for you to hate me, huh," says Addison.

"Well, to be fair, I hated you out of loyalty to Meredith but that doesn't seem to apply anymore," Izzie giggles.

"Nope, I suppose it does not," says Addison sweetly.

"Have you heard from any of your past patients?" Izzie asks suddenly.

"Well, not usually, but Meredith and I called John the patient from our first date," says Addison.

"Awe, he's so sweet, I hope he's happy with Arthur the Psychiatrist," says Izzie.

"Yeah, I hope he is," says Addison.

Soon enough, it's almost time for dinner, so Izzie sets the table, and Addison goes to find Cristina and Meredith.

"Dance with us!" Says Meredith, ushering Addison into the room.

"It's suppertime!" Says Addison with a giggle.

"Just one song, Montgomery," says Cristina teasingly as she waves for Izzie to join them also.

Soon, the kitchen is filled with four happy dancing women as they celebrate their first day all in this apartment together.

"I made a sticker chart so we could timeshare both space," Izzie says when thye finally catch their breath.

"It has _glitter_ ," says Cristina in a very supportive way.

"Awe," says Meredith as she takes a look.

"We'll definitely have to pencil some things in," says Addison with a smile.

"Yeah," says Meredith.

"We'll hang out at the house tonight, you'll probably want the apartment to yourselves," Cristina says to Meredith and Addison with a wink.

"Thanks," says Meredith to Cristina.

"Thanks," says Addison.

"To be fair it means we get the whole house to ourselves again," Izzie laughs, because all of the boys are still camping.

"True," Meredith laughs.

And they all keep dancing until they eat supper.

_And then they all agree that Izzie and Addison are the most awesome cooks ever, and Cristina and Meredith are an excellent team for dishes._

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

***** **END OF CHAPTER 49**

* * *

This Chapter is dedicated to (July 21, 2020):

Everyone reading this, of course, thanks!

Here are some statistics, feel free to skip these.

Ao3: 

Subscriptions: 36 Hits: 3965 Kudos: 109 Comment Threads: 154 Bookmarks: 12

Fanfiction: 

There are currently 27 Reviews, 27 Favs, 38 Follows, 16080 Hits.

Wattpad: 

stationsurrea for all the comments and reading it all at once the other day, new_being, arizonaslesbianism, Aaliyahjauregui, addiesrep, for commenting so nicely recently.

All the stars on the last chapter. Shoutouts to unicornbaby78, TheNetflixGal, outlawqueenpercabeth, danielaperezsurga, itslexipedia, addiesbaby, naylorholby, JordynMarie05 and AddisonAddek (who will get here soon I think?), and there are more who have voted on this but it's really hard to track on this app.

This has 11.9 K Reads, 521 stars, 1.1 K Comments. Plus more people who added this to their reading lists!

AND TO EVERYONE ELSE READING THIS CHAPTER MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL!

_Author's Note 2:_

Short update, but I wanted to post something and I wanted to focus on all of the friendship aspects of this fic which really was fun to write!

Additionally, I've cut most of the Ao3 tags to make it less of a tag blob - oops lol.

Thanks for everything readers :).

###  [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	50. Popcorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With dinner complete, the next item on Meredith, Addison, Cristina, and Izzie's schedule is the movie.

_Author's Note:_

Thanks for all of the encouragement lately :)

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain'' GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly. NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 50: Popcorn**

* * *

_With dinner complete, the next item on Meredith, Addison, Cristina, and Izzie's schedule is the movie._

"I can't wait to go to the mall!" Says Addison.

"What, do you not go to the mall very often?" Says Cristina suspiciously.

"I bet she goes all of the time, she's so well dressed," says Izzie.

"Hey!" Says Meredith. "She is though," she adds.

"Actually, I usually order my clothes so…" Addison says sheepishly.

"Yeah, I don't think the mall has Prada," says Cristina.

"They don't, I checked," says Izzie.

"Since when do you wear Prada?" Asks Meredith.

"I don't, I grew up in a trailer park, remember?" Says Izzie. "I just know because Bethany Whispers asked me to do market research for them a while ago," Izzie laughs.

"Scoping out the competition," Cristina laughs.

"Hey, I wear other brands then Prada!" Says Addison.

"Right, you also wear Dolce & Gabbana," says Meredith.

"Exactly," says Izzie.

"It's _different_ , plus I also wear-" Addison starts to protest.

"We all know you like your labels…" Says Cristina.

"Hey, I'm not all about labels, it's just that-" Addison says, a bit flustered, which Meredith finds adorable.

"It's true, she could hardly settle on a non-straight label for ages," Meredith adds.

"Well I mean most labels are straight, I mean they don't sew them on crooked?" Addison squints, scrutinizing the friends to see what they are all giggling about

"I don't think that that's what Mer was talking about?" Cristina offers.

"I think she's talking about your queerness," says Izzie.

"Wait, why is it queer for me to like brand-name clothes?" Says Addison, still a little lost.

"It isn't, you are," says Meredith. "It's also not an insult either way," she adds.

"OHHH," the realization finally dawns on Addison.

"Right," says Cristina.

"It's okay, took me a while too," says Izzie.

"I'm not sure what to label _myself_ ," says Addison awkwardly.

"It's okay to take your time," says Cristina.

"Yeah," says Izzie.

"You can just be my girlfriend for now," says Meredith.

"Yeah," says Addison. "I like that," she smiles, and leans in, to peck Meredith on the cheek.

* * *

The four of them host a 'rock-paper-scissors' tournament to see who is driving, with Cristina finally winning by psyching Addison out with a staring contest.

"You're driving," Cristina announces.

"Wait, who is?" Says Meredith.

"She is," Cristina laughs.

"That doesn't actually tell us anything!" Izzie laughs also.

"Oh, you mean Addison," says Meredith as she watches Cristina pointing to her.

"Damn right," says Cristina.

"Why me?" Says Addison.

"So you'll keep your hands out Meredith's pants on the way to the cinema," says Cristina simply.

"Wait but I wasn't- we weren't- we didn't…" Addison stumbles and blushes profusely and it makes Cristina and Izzie laugh and Meredith holds Addison's hand reassuringly.

"It's okay, I think she's just teasing," says Izzie.

"Like you weren't gonna do the same with Izzie the whole time!" Meredith calls out her best friend with a laugh.

"Hey, gotta have some fun," says Cristina suggestively.

"Hey! I told you not to mention that-" Izzie starts to whisper something into Cristina's ear that's too quiet for the others to hear.

* * *

Soon enough, all four women are piled into Addison's car, and Cristina and Izzie make a whole show of being all touchy-feely on the way to the movie while Meredith and Addison simply hold hands.

"Not into PDA are you?" Cristina teases.

"To be fair, it's not like we want to become our own surgical cases!" says Izzie.

"Yeah, then you'd just want to operate on me!" Meredith exclaims.

"Only if it's a cardiac complication…" Cristina shrugs back.

"I really do hope you'd all figure out how to save my life if I were the one to fall unconscious!" Says Addison.

All of it seems to not actually apply though, as the group of them reaches the mall in one piece.

The movie selection is vast, and everyone almost settles on watching the latest installment of the Pixar animated series.

"We gotta sit in the back though, y'know, if we're gonna like…" Izzie licks her lips suggestively at her girlfriend.

"Umm, I think if that's what we have in mind we might need to pick another movie!" Says Meredith.

"Yeah," says Addison.

"Okay, how about the one about chainsaws!" Says Cristina.

"Wait, do you like, really _like-like_ chainsaws!?" Says Izzie.

"Well, no, but see, it's nineteen-and-over, so it's not like we're gonna scar little children," says Cristina.

_The 'if we spend the entire time making out,' is implied._

"True," says Izzie, agreeing easily.

"I'm ah, a little afraid of chainsaws…" Says Addison adorably.

"It's okay, Addison. They're not real…" says Meredith.

"So gruesome... " Addison grumbles as she still picks up her ticket.

* * *

The opening credits start rolling, and Cristina and Izzie share popcorn and chocolate AND a soft pretzel, plus sodas as they sip them both together.

Meanwhile, Meredith and Addison get candy and chips and the fancy kind of juice that Meredith thinks is 'too healthy' for movie food even if it's really just sugar.

When it gets scary, Addison buries her head into Meredith's shoulder while Meredith runs her hands over Addison's shoulders comfortingly.

Meredith nuzzles into Addison's head next, and closes her eyes, and just takes in Addison's warm embrace.

"You're missing the movie!" Cristina says as she throws popcorn at Meredith and Addison.

"Hey!" Says Addison, untucking herself from Meredith's arms just for a second to whisper-shout that her outfit is too nice to have popcorn thrown on it.

"Shhhh, this is the good part!" Says Izzie, motioning to the screen.

"Should I be worried about how you're taking notes about all the ways people are murdering each other?" Says Meredith.

"It's just curiosity," says Cristina with a shrug and also a grin.

"What did you say about the whole 'dragging a body thing?"' says Addison a little concernedly.

"Cristina just gets all nerdy for serial killers," says Izzie. "Though, I think it's more of a jealousy thing than that she has the hots for any of them more than me," says adds.

"Shhh!" Says Meredith. "We are watching a movie!" She adds.

* * *

"Ahhhhhhh!" Says Addison as the scene with the chainsaw finally happens with Addison still watching it.

"Shhhhhh!" Says the whole audience towards her.

"It's okay Spice, I'm here," says Meredith.

"Sugar?" Says Addison.

"Yeah?" Says Meredith.

"Promise me something?" She adds sweetly.

"What is it, Addie?" Says Meredith while soothing Addison's hair off her face.

"Promise me we're never going to get Cristina a chainsaw," she says with a terrified expression.

"Never!" Says Meredith, her bright smile pulling a giggle from Addison.

_And this time it's Meredith and Addison who start throwing popcorn across the aisle at Izzie and Cristina._

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

***** **END OF CHAPTER 50**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Thank you for reading!

###  [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	51. Milestone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the movie credits start to roll, Meredith Grey moves her hands comfortingly over her girlfriend Addison Montgomery's shoulders to let her know that the scary parts are all over now.

_Author's Note:_

Enjoy :).

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_I_ _n Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain'' GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly. NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 51: Milestone**

* * *

_When the movie credits start to roll, Meredith Grey moves her hands comfortingly over her girlfriend Addison Montgomery's shoulders to let her know that the scary parts are all over now._

"It's okay, Addison. The chainsaws are gone, you can't see them anymore," Meredith coos.

"Thank you, Meredith," Addison gathers the courage to open her eyes and look up again.

Meredith nuzzles Addison into her again, as the redhead recovers from the adrenaline rush, and Meredith offers her the rest of the remaining movie snacks.

Addison nods at her, and inhales all of them quickly.

"Hungry Spice?" Meredith teases.

"You have no idea, Sugar," Addison gulps down the rest of the vitamin water.

"Guess all the fear gives you the munchies?" Meredith giggles, as Addison finishes off the last of the popcorn.

It was still a good experience for both of them, though, and after Addison's had her fill, she brings Meredith's arms back around her until the movie credits have finished rolling.

"You okay, Spice?" Meredith coos, as Addison whimpers exaggeratedly.

"No more chainsaws?" Addison asks before opening up her eyes.

"No more chainsaws," says Meredith reassuringly.

"Great," Addison says, as she looks up at Meredith. Meredith's eyes are twinkling under the theater lights, and Addition feels as though she's falling deeper and deeper in love with her girlfriend.

Addison wants to say something, something meaningful, like "I want to spend the rest of my life with you," but she knows it's too early, so she doesn't, and instead she simply says, "Sugar, will you take me home?" ever so softly.

"Of course, Spice," Meredith soothes over her hair. "I can't wait," she smiles.

_And then, Izzie and Cristina finally have to burst them out of their bubble._

"COME ON," they say to Meredith and Addison.

"Alright!" Addison says, as she gets up and brushes the popcorn off of her clothes, heading out of the theater.

Addison and Meredith walk out hand-in-hand, as do Izzie and Cristina.

"So who has the house, and who has the apartment tonight?" Meredith asks them.

"Izzie?" Cristina asks her, knowing her girlfriend will beam at the attention.

"Well, according to my sticker chart…" Izzie smiles. "It's Addison and Meredith's turn in the apartment, and we have the house," she offers.

"And George and Alex?" Addison asks them.

"Still camping," Cristina says.

"What is it with the boys and the woods," Meredith laughs.

"Who knows," says Addison.

And they all laugh together as they drive home.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

In the woods, Joe, Walter, Burke, and Richard, have an excellent hike, and then a campfire, which Mark and Derek, and Alex and George join them for.

They all swear to each other they won't tell the girls how much they love singing together.

Not that it's something to be embarrassed about, but they do like to have something special from this camping experience that's just for them.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Callie and Bailey go out to the mall together and go shopping, and just enjoy their rare free time off together as residents.

They talk about how nice it is to leave the hospital and take a break from being surgeons, and how grateful they are that the interns are now getting along now.

And with the Attendings, for the most part, as well.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Addison can't help but start feeling a bit frisky after her girlfriend comforted her through the scary movie. "Sugar…" Addison whispers into Meredith's ear as she strokes her hand over her hip.

Meredith smirks at the contact, and leans in a little bit closer.

"We're almost home, love," Meredith offers, and Addison sighs contentedly.

They are almost home, and Cristina and Izzie drop them off at the apartment before heading out to the house. They leave dinner for Meredith and Addison, knowing that Meredith can't cook at all, and Addison probably won't want to, two nights in a row, while Izzie will.

"See you later," Cristina winks at her friend, and Izzie giggles as she closes the door.

Meredith and Addison can hear them laughing all the way out.

* * *

"Now…" Meredith says seductively. "Will you show me to your bedroom, Dr. Montgomery?" she says sweetly, and Addison bites her lip.

"Yes…" Addison husks, her willpower dissolving, taking Meredith by the hand, and leading Meredith to her bed.

They arrive there in a crash, with Addison landing on top of Meredith, then backing off worrying that she's crushing her.

"Hey, where'd you go?" Meredith whines in protest.

"I didn't want to squish you," Addison admits.

"That's sweet of you, Spice, but I promise I can handle it," Meredith says as she pulls Addison back on top of her.

"Are you sure?" Addison asks tenderly.

"Yes," says Meredith. "I like to feel you," says Meredith.

"Ok," says Addison. "I like to feel you too, Spice."

Addison sinks herself back on top of Meredith now, while Meredith gets herself comfortable on the bed with a pillow under her head.

"You feel so good under me. You make me feel good, Sugar," Addison murmurs.

"Good, I want you to feel good. You can use me to feel good, Spice. You make me feel good," Meredith speaks.

Addison moans at this, unable to resist grinding into her girlfriend, hungry for her more than ever before.

"Yes, yes," Meredith responds, encouraging Addison to keep going and going.

"When I keep grinding on you, I keep feeling good," Addison responds.

"Yes, keep teasing yourself for me, you're giving me good pressure into your bed," Meredith whispers.

"Oh, wow, that's good," Addison says as she speeds up her hips.

"Yes, yes, Addison, I need you," Meredith groans.

Addison holds onto Meredith's hips as she breathes heavily into Meredith's ear. Her lips touch Meredith's neck, and she kisses all of the spots she knows her girlfriend likes.

"Oh, gosh," Meredith swears, and Addison swells with pride that she's the one pleasing her partner.

They move in sync until they reach the brink, and cross it together, and lie together cuddled up.

They sit together, satisfied, and happy for a little while, until they open their eyes.

* * *

"You know what happens at midnight tonight, Spice?" Meredith asks sweetly.

"What?" Addison furrows her brow, worried she's forgetting something.

"We get to cross another one of our milestones," Meredith whispers.

"Oh, right. It's tomorrow, so I guess that midnight…" Addison licks her lips in response.

"Yes," says Meredith.

"Yes," Addison agrees.

"So… It's only ten now though. It's in two hours, what would you like to do while we wait?" Meredith asks her.

"Ah, if it's alright with you, could we have a nap? I'm kinda sleepy," says Addison, yawning.

"Absolutely," says Meredith. "C'mere," she offers, and settles Addison into her chest.

They've had a few sleepovers recently, mostly in Addison's hotel, and it feels good for them to get to spend time with each other at Addison's new home.

"Wake me when I get to touch you more?" Addison asks as she drifts off to sleep.

"Absolutely."

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Cristina takes a bath as Izzie lights candles for them, bringing her girlfriend a plate of chocolates and strawberries and climbs in with her.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

As Mark shivers in his tent at night, Derek watches him silently until Mark crawls over to him.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

The clock strikes midnight, and Meredith wakes up and shuts off the alarm, but she can't bear to wake Addison yet.

The redhead looks so content she just cares to watch her sleep soundly, and curls up with her again.

There'll be lots more time to explore in the morning.

* * *

_Meanwhile,_

Shannon Sparks and her partner Felix Smallwood watch a fashion show that Callie and Bailey put off with all of their fancy new clothing.

* * *

When the morning comes again, Meredith and Addison wake up smiling, and Addison kisses Meredith for all that she's worth, showing her girlfriend how much she matters to her.

When Meredith finally brings Addison's hand to her chest, and Addison's eyes open in wonder, Meredith smiles, and leans in to kiss Addison again.

"Good morning, Spice," Meredith smiles, "happy milestone day."

* * *

*

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***** **END OF CHAPTER 51**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Thanks folks for waiting for this one. It's a whole universe that I have to re-read parts of to remember where we left off. This has been a journey, and yes, it's still up and coming.

Let me know what you think of this update, and anything you'd like to see in the future.

Take care!

**bobbiejelly**


	52. Cereal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Good morning Spice," Meredith smiles. "Happy milestone day."

_Author's Note:_

**Peeks out behind wall**

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_I_ _n Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain'' GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly. NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)_

* * *

**Chapter 52: Cereal**

* * *

" _Good morning Spice," Meredith smiles. "Happy milestone day."_

At this, Addison shifts over in bed, and smiles at her girlfriend. Addison is ecstatic that she gets to wake up in her own new apartment with the blonde by her side wishing her a good morning.

"Want some coffee?" Meredith asks her.

"Shouldn't that be my line?" Addison giggles.

"Hey, you've just moved in here," says Meredith. "I've been back and forth to Cristina's for ages," she offers before kissing Addison gently on the cheek, and rising to prepare two mugs how they both like it.

"Thank you, Sugar," Addison grumbles as she buries her head into the pillow again.

"Mmkay, sleepyhead. I'll be back," says Meredith as she fixes up a quick breakfast of dry cereal and instant coffee in Cristina (and now Addison)'s kitchen.

"No milk?" says Addison as Meredith emerges back into the bedroom.

"Oh, right, I forgot you liked it in your coffee," Meredith giggles.

"No, I mean, yes, but I meant in the cereal?" offers Addison.

"What?" says Meredith.

"Don't you have your cereal in a bowl… Like, with milk?' Addison asks her suspiciously.

"Not generally," Meredith blinks at her.

"Right," says Addison.

"I'll bring you some milk," Meredith giggles as she gets up again.

"Ooh, a bowl, and a spoon, also!" asks Addison.

"Picky!" says Meredith.

"Hey, you're the one who only eats her cereal plain!" says Addison, giggling as she sips her coffee contentedly.

"And you're the one who says that just cereal alone isn't worthy of 'breakfast,' status!" Meredith teases her back.

"Well, it's only one of the food groups!" says Addison.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to have some other stuff with it!" says Meredith, while finishing up her dry cereal, and leaning over to collect Addison's bowl from her hands.

"What are you doing?" says Addison, as Meredith smirks at her.

"Hmm… Teasing you," Meredith giggles as she leans down to tickle Addison on the sides.

"What- whoa- ahhhhhh!" Addison collapses into a fitful of giggles before Meredith uses her moment of weakness to climb on top of her on the bed.

"Hmm, I guess you're all mine now, Spice," says Meredith as she halts her tickling and begins even more teasing.

Meredith moves her hands down Addison's sides, and leans down to kiss her on the lips.

"Meredith-" Addison pants. "Touch me- more," Addison years.

"Yes," says Meredith as she slides her tongue into Addison's mouth. "I just love kissing you," she says between breaths as she kisses Addison even harder.

"Can you- kiss my neck," Addison begs her girlfriend.

"Hmm, I think I will," Meredith nods as she moves down to Addison's sensitive spots there.

"Oh- yes Sugar-" Addison moans, as Meredith lets her tongue wander. Addison's hands cling to Meredith's back as she kisses the blonde back with all that she has.

"I-" Meredith begins to kiss Addison's ear.

"Would like to-" Meredith begins to nibble on Addison's earlobe.

"Feel what your breasts feel like, Spice," Meredith concludes as she bites down gently onto Addison's ear, pulling back to test out Addison's reaction.

Addison keeps nodding at her, and wordlessly directs Meredith's hands over her shirt.

It's captivating; this moment of recognition that they're taking this first milestone together.

"You always amaze me, Addison," Meredith smiles as she moves her hands sensually over Addison's body, with Addison's hands still over hers, directing her movements.

"You always fascinate me," replies Addison between breathless groans.

"Your skin melts under my fingers," says Meredith as she moves her palms lovingly.

"Your touch ignites me," Addison says as she holds onto Meredith's gaze.

The two of them stay like this for yet another moment, before Addison moves her hands again, adding more pressure onto her breasts.

"More," Addison says as she allows for Meredith's hands to wander at her own pace now.

"As you wish," says Meredith tenderly as she experiments with little circles from her thumbs over Addison's nipples.

"Yes, yes, yes," says Addison eagerly, her eyes pressed closed in pleasure.

"Do you like it when I squeeze them?" Meredith squeezes a little to demonstrate.

"Yeah," says Addison, and she's rewarded with Meredith doing this again.

"Do you like it when I pinch them?" Meredith asks, as she pinches very lightly.

"Eek- yow, maybe not so much," Addison winces, and Meredith backs off immediately.

"Ooh, I'll back off," says Meredith as she leans in to soothe Addison with some light kisses.

"Thank you, Meredith," Addison sighs happily.

"Always," says Meredith honestly. "It's only fun if you're enjoying it," Meredith softens.

"Are you enjoying it?" Addison asks her.

"Of course, Spice," says Meredith as she palms over Addison's breasts gently. "How could I not, you're irresistible."

"Mm, can I touch yours?" says Addison, her voice full of exhilaration and discovery.

"Well, I suppose it's only fair…" Meredith teases as she does the same as Addison had before, and places Addison's hands over her chest.

Meredith is still sitting on top of Addison with her weight on the bed through her knees, and Addison is appreciating looking up at her girlfriend, and touching her boobs for the first time.

"They're different from mine," Addison muses.

"Yeah, they're mine, silly," Meredith teases.

"Yeah, well I haven't felt other girls up before," Addison laughs.

"Well I suppose if you had I'd be jealous," Meredith winks at her, and Addison just brushes the thought away.

"I'd still want to touch you even if there had been others," Addison explains calmly, and Meredith swoons at this.

"I'd still want to touch you, too," says Meredith, as she lies down beside Addison so they can cuddle like that for a while.

"What do you want to do today?" says Addison openly.

"Honestly?" asks Meredith.

"Yeah, honestly," says Addison, eyes open to hear Meredith's request.

"Can we just stay in bed all day? I just want to spend time with you," says Meredith.

"Alright," says Addison. "We do have a big week ahead of us," says Addison. "We gotta have something more substantial for dinner tonight though, I'm already hungry from only cereal!"

"Deal," says Meredith, as she tucks her head into the crook of Addison's neck easily.

_They compromise at around four pm when they order a pizza together._

* * *

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***** **END OF CHAPTER 52**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Hope you enjoyed this little update! Gotta love some tooth-rotting fluff once in a while. More plotline to come.

Question for readers: What do you think will happen in this story when Meredith and Addison start back up at the hospital working together?

Can't wait to hear your thoughts :).

**bobbiejelly**


	53. Thriving

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there._

* * *

**Chapter 53: Thriving**

* * *

With their pizzas devoured, Meredith and Addison brainstorm how they can spend the next week enjoying each other's company, while also thriving at work.

"I don't want you to have to treat me differently because I'm your girlfriend," says Meredith as they're sitting on the couch after a movie.

"Yeah," says Addison. "It'll be fun working with you, but you know I can't request you extra, or let you in on cases you haven't prepared for," says Addison.

"And I'm not going to avoid Derek either," Meredith says decidedly. "I'm still interested in Neuro as well, and I'm not letting anyone ruin that," she says determinedly.

"Of course," says Addison. "He is a great neurosurgeon," she adds.

"You know, I left something in your desk for you to discover," Meredith blurts out, because she can't contain herself any longer.

"I left something in your locker," Addison confesses. "Before I broke the lock, I mean," she laughs.

"That's okay, I'll get another," says Meredith.

"You just want another excuse to go to the corner store with the cashier who keeps flirting with you," Addison giggles.

"I told her we were girlfriends…" confesses Meredith. "Before we were officially girlfriends, I mean…" she adds sheepishly.

"Guess you predicted the future huh," says Addison.

"Guess I'm just that smart," Meredith teases.

"You know, I think it would be fun to host a party, once all the boys get back from camping," says Meredith.

"At your house, or here?" asks Addison.

"The house is bigger," Meredith offers. "And you can stay in my room, naturally," says Meredith.

"Okay, this does sound fun," offers Addison. "Is there anything else you'd like to do together soon?" asks the redhead.

"Yeah," says Meredith.

"Okay?" asks Addison.

"If it's alright with you, I'd like you to meet my mom," says Meredith. "She's in a nursing home, and I think she'd like the company," adds Meredith.

"That sounds lovely," says Addison. "I'd love to introduce you to my family, but they're all over the country," she adds.

"They'll come and visit eventually right?" says Meredith.

"Of course," says Addison. "I'll introduce you to my brother Archer," she says.

"Sounds good."

* * *

As the two of them clean up the table at the apartment, Cristina and Izzie are enjoying their weekend alone at the house, and Izzie is trying her darn best to teach Cristina baking.

"No! With flour you measure with the back of the butter knife!" says Izzie.

"Oh, I thought it looked better rounded, like with the blade," says Cristina.

"How did you ever pass Chemistry," Izzie giggles.

"Hey, those were liquids, mostly," says Cristina.

"At least you're not trying to measure them with a chainsaw," says Izzie.

"Nah, too heavy," says Cristina, as they continue making pancakes.

* * *

_Meanwhile in the woods,_

The weekend has almost come to an end, and Derek still has not confessed his feelings to Mark yet.

"Hey, Mark, could I talk to you… About something…?" Derek tries.

But each time, he backs out, and Mark goes on to talk about some other thing, and Derek fights with himself the entire time.

Alex and George have a ball though, and Joe and Walter even teach them some camping tricks.

Richard and Burke take up cooking, and Derek is thankful that someone else seems to show an interest in his trailer-developed trout recipe.

* * *

"Hey, I know you said you wanted to spend all day lazing around, but Callie texted me about going to the mall with them, do you want to come?" Addison asks her girlfriend.

"Yeah, sure," says Meredith. "I'd be happy to," she agrees.

So they get dressed, and by the time they get to the mall, Callie and Bailey each already have several shopping bags full.

"I bought a new blender," says Bailey.

"She's been ogling it for weeks," says Callie.

"A good blender is nice to have," says Meredith.

"Hey, I didn't know you cooked," says Addison.

"Hey, I make margaritas with it!" says Meredith.

"Well, I guess that's something," laughs Addison.

They roam around the mall aimlessly, until they get to an engravement store.

* * *

"Hey, I have an idea," Meredith pulls Addison so she can see the display along with her. "I'd like to give you a little token to wear," says Meredith, whispering into the store attendant's ear what she has in mind.

"Oh Meredith, it's beautiful," says Addison, as she puts on her new necklace.

"It's a blank key to my house, it has the same engraving and everything. I've seen you rub your own key into the palm of your hand the way I do, so I thought I'd give you this in the meantime, so you can think of me before we're ready to officially move in together," says Meredith.

"It's perfect," says Addison. "I'm getting you one of the same," she offers.

And Meredith and Addison feel their new key-shaped necklaces in their hands as they place them on small necklace chains.

"Now I'll always have a reminder of you," says Meredith.

"As will I of you," says Addison, as she goes on to confess how she'd taken, then subsequently hidden Meredith's house key in the first place.

"I can't believe the boys figured it out all because of the scarf," says Meredith.

"Yeah, I figured it would hide my identity but I guess not," laughs Addison.

"Hey, is this some sort of spy movie? I love those," says Bailey.

"Nearly," Meredith giggles.

"Your life never ceases to amaze me," says Callie gently.

They laugh as they continue their shopping and browsing.

Eventually, Addison and Meredith break away from the group, and head home together.

"I'm making you dinner, and then I'm gonna make out with you," Addison announces eagerly.

"And I'll be kissing you anyway, the entire way," says Meredith, as she teases her lips down the side of Addison's neck, as the redhead giggles happily.

_And it's the end of a very excellent weekend._

* * *

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***** **END OF CHAPTER 53**

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_Author's Note:_

Thanks for reading folks! The summary for this story has changed to simply " _In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there."_ The minimalism seems to suit this well. To all those who have left comments about your favorite parts of this so far, you're the absolute greatest, and I wish you all the best! Take care and congratulations for making it to #53 with me :).

**bobbiejelly**


	54. Surprises

* * *

**Falling Apart, Barely Breathing**

* * *

_In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there._

* * *

**Chapter 54: Surprises**

* * *

Few things make Mondays extremely fun, but some of them certainly help more than others.

It helps a lot, for example, when Meredith finally gets her locker repaired and discovers a final 'mystery person,' note that Addison must have written her before she had confessed and before they had been officially dating.

"Awe, that is so sweet," Meredith thinks to herself, as she holds it close to her chest. "I'll just have to make her one, also!" Meredith smiles.

She gets to work, taking some spare paper and working on the chart on her lap to make Addison a good morning card.

"Grey, are you ready for rounds?" Miranda Bailey emerges.

"Of course," says Meredith, as she tucks the card into her pocket, and opens the chart to the page that she needs.

"Hey, you've got to be focused! We ain't got no time for you to be writing love letters during work hours!" Bailey teases, and Meredith blushes profusely at being caught.

"Now I was just joking, but from the look on your face- Grey, go to the pit and find something to stitch up," Bailey says mock-exasperatedly.

"Yes, Bailey," Meredith says sheepishly, as she heads off, hearing the whole time as Dr. Bailey is muttering to herself "interns these days…"

* * *

As Meredith starts suturing patients, she's a little bit shocked when she sees the name on the chart of her next one.

"Archer Montgomery?" Meredith calls out to the waiting room.

"Over here," says the tall (but not as tall as Addison), man, who greets Meredith with a smile.

"Are you…" Meredith starts to ask if he's at all related to her Addison Montgomery, when she eventually chickens out and just asks him what brings him here in the first place.

"I'm wondering if you happen to know a neurosurgeon," Archer sighs.

"Sure…" Meredith says, as she searches for Derek's number on her pager.

Meredith isn't incredibly eager to be paging her ex-boyfriend (and her current girlfriend's ex-husband), down to the pit right now, but she supposes they've decided to be civil, and that there really is no arguing that Derek happens to be one of the best neurosurgeons in the entire country.

"You paged?" Derek asks Meredith when he finally arrives, all dressed up as he usually is, without a trace of the wilderness in his hair from their weekend out camping.

"Yeah, a patient asked for you," Meredith motions.

"Oh, hello Archer," Derek says awkwardly, as he shakes his ex-brother-in-law's hand firmly.

"Derek," says Archer. "Now, have you seen my sister?" He asks him.

Meredith watches the scene play out with intrigue, as she realizes that since they'd been married so long it's no wonder that Derek had met Addison's brother before she had.

"Oh, no I have no idea where she is, Meredith do you know?" Derek asks her, and that snaps Meredith out of her train of thought.

"She's in surgery all morning," Meredith recites easily.

"Well alright then," says Derek. "Did you want to catch up and have a drink or…?" Derek asks Archer.

"That would be great, I'd love to catch up Derek, but I'm also here with some other questions for you," Archer says seriously.

"Ask away," offers Derek.

"Well, I've been having these headaches lately…" Archer confesses, and Derek nods understandingly.

The exchange lasts for a few minutes, and Meredith stands there entranced as the pair of them seem to catch up for a while.

* * *

"So, what have you been up to with Addie since you've both moved to Seattle?" Archer finally asks Derek.

"Oh, well, she and I… Addison and I got a divorce," Derek says simply.

"You and Addison!" Archer exclaims.

"Yeah…" Derek shrugs. "Things just weren't working out, and she's really happy now," Derek says.

"Whoa, what a big change," says Archer.

"Yeah, I mean, it's a big change for me because-" Derek starts to go on, but he's interrupted by another voice exclaiming;

"Archer Montgomery, there's my man!" Calls out Mark Sloan from the hallway.

"Mark, good to see you," says Archer, smiling at seeing his friend again after a long while.

"How've you been holding up?" Mark asks him, punching Archer teasingly in the shoulder.

"Not too bad, and you?" Archer asks Mark.

"Well, I'm adjusting to the rain, and a staggering few women turning me down to be in lesbian relationships with each other, but other than that it's been a scintillating start to my Seattle plastics career," Mark smirks in his telltale guffaw.

"Women turning you down huh, who would have thought?" Archer teases.

"And to think, none of them have ever let me join them," Mark smiles.

"So do tell, who are these mysterious lesbians that you speak of?" Archer asks him.

"Well-" Mark begins to answer, before he's also interrupted.

* * *

"Hello Archer, it's been a while," offers Richard Webber as he approaches the group of them.

"Hello Dr. Webber, it has been ages," Archer smiles, recognizing Richard from when he was Derek and Addison's graduate studies mentor.

"Here to visit your sister are you? Well, that's certainly nice of you. She's in surgery for the moment, but I'm sure Meredith could help you find her after that if you wanted. Say, would you like to get a coffee to catch up later on?" Richard offers.

"That sounds great," Archer says. "Hey, how are things going with yourself and Adele these days?" Archer asks forwardly.

"Not bad, same old," Richard shrugs.

"Well, say hi for me," says Archer, and Richard says that he will.

"Now, who is Meredith that you're all speaking of?" Archer asks Mark and Derek once Richard has left again.

"Oh, hi, my name is Meredith Grey," Meredith finally wills herself to offer a handshake to Addison's brother.

"Good to meet you, Archer Montgomery. I'm Addison's sister, and I'm a neurologist," offers Archer.

"Neat," says Meredith, as she asks him about neurology because she's a bit shy to blurt out that she's dating his sister just yet.

Meredith doesn't have to think about it very long though, because the next thing she knows in bursts her girlfriend.

* * *

"Oh there you are, Meredith, I've been looking all over for you," Addison says happily, without taking mind of her surroundings.

Addison stalks right on over to Meredith, and sweeps the blonde right off of her feet in a quick kiss before she deposits her back on the floor again, and Meredith giggles as she holds onto her girlfriend.

"Umm, Addie-" Meredith tries to warn her, before Addison is greeted with a wolf-whistle from none other than her dear brother.

"Damn Addison, when Derek said you were happy after your divorce, and Mark said he was getting shut down by the lesbians, I never imagined it would be you who would be doing all of the scoring!" Archer says in brotherly approval.

"Archer-" Addison blushes profusely as she faces him for the first time since she and Meredith had started dating.

"Hey, I'm all for it," says Archer, smirking at Meredith burying her face into Addison's lab coat.

"Oh, I never saw you there, ah, well yeah, this is Meredith Grey, and she's my girlfriend," Addison motions, and unburries Meredith's head from her white coat.

"Hi…" Meredith says nervously, as if they hadn't already met mere minutes ago.

"Archer Montgomery, and you must the woman who's been screwing my sister," Archer holds out his hand again, and Meredith blinks at the similarities between the two siblings, and of course, Derek recognizes this also, and he just bursts out laughing.

"Well isn't this a family reunion!" Mark says happily, as he stands up and pulls them all together for one big group hug.

"Mark!" Addison teases.

"Gahh-" Derek giggles.

"You're squishing me!" Meredith squeals.

"It's good to see you all again, and it's good to meet you, Meredith," offers Archer, as they finally detach themselves.

"See, I told you she's awesome," Mark smiles at Archer.

"Hey! You were talking about me!?" Meredith protests.

"What can I say, you're the good gossip," says Mark.

"You knew!?" Says Addison.

"Well, only when he just showed up here," says Derek.

"Ohhh," Addison groans.

"Sorry sis, your faces were just too priceless," says Archer.

"You're the worst," Addison says to her brother.

"Back at you," Archer smiles, and with that, they all head to lunch together.

* * *

Over their ham and cheese croissants, with Richard bringing over coffee in the middle of it, Addison offers Archer the abridged version of how they'd gotten together, and, for her and Derek and Meredith's sake, she drops the whole part about Meredith having cheated with Derek accidentally before she'd ever met her.

"Wow, that's a neat story," says Archer, as he appreciates their romantic love story.

"Yeah, it was a bit confusing, but we got through it," offers Meredith, as she explains only briefly about the hidden messages.

"So speaking of hidden purposes, I do have another reason to be here," says Archer, as he takes a deep breath.

"What, you're not just here to taunt me?" Says Addison.

"No, I think I might have a brain tumor," says Archer, and the room goes dead silent.

* * *

They order Archer some scans, and as they wait for them to come out, Addison and Meredith sit together in Addison's office, as Meredith rubs Addison's back soothingly.

"Hey, I'm here for you, no matter what, okay?" Meredith offers her girlfriend.

"Thanks, Sugar," says Addison.

"No problem Spice," offers Meredith.

"I didn't know he was sick," Addison says guiltily.

"Hey, neither did he but he caught it early," says Meredith. "It's good that he didn't hide it and wait," she says optimistically.

"True," says Addison. "So very true…"

They snuggle a little on Addison's couch, and Meredith wraps her arms all around Addison and gives her tender little kisses up and down her shoulders.

"Do you want to go out to dinner with my family this evening with me?" Addison asks her.

"Of course," says Meredith, as she stays by Addison's side until they find out the news.

* * *

It's all good, thankfully. Archer appears, according to Derek, to only have one cyst growing in his brain that hasn't had much chance to grow yet.

"Good thing you didn't wait, because these could have easily multiplied seven or eight times in the next few years," offers Derek.

"Can you remove it?" Archer asks him.

"Absolutely," says Derek confidently, and he schedules the surgery for the next afternoon.

They all therefore do get to have supper together, and because Archer is the one with the illness, they let him pick out wherever he wants to go.

"Mexican!" Archer smiles.

"Of course," Addison groans.

"What, it's so good," says Archer.

"You always pick the same thing," says Addison affectionately.

"Hey, at least we don't have to bike there this time," offers Archer.

"True," offers Addison.

"I did carry you home that one time you fell off your bicycle," says Archer.

"You're never going to live that one down, are you?" Says Addison.

"Never," says Archer.

"Alright, we'll get you some tacos then."

* * *

The restaurant is an all-you-can-eat buffet, because it's Archer's favorite, and he and Mark are engaged in a heavily competitive taco-eating contest that Mark finally lets Archer win so he doesn't go overboard before surgery.

"We'll have a rematch once you've gotten rid of your brain worms," says Mark.

"You're on," says Archer.

"You know, you and your brother are similar in some ways… And so dissimilar in others," says Meredith, as she watches them interact with each other.

"It's true," offers Derek, because he and Mark had come along for old time's sake.

"Yeah," says Meredith, and she realizes she's very happy the two of them can talk about this calmly at this point.

There's been eons of water under the… Thing or whatever… And now that she and Addison are happy, Derek seems to be letting go of any misgivings he'd ever had about either of them.

"So, do we get to have a toast or what?" Says Archer.

"To Derek finding your tumor!" Addison offers.

"Hey, I get no credit here?" Mark says.

"You're not the neurosurgeon," Derek teases.

"Story of my life," Mark just grumbles.

"Hey, I'll call you pal if I ever need a skin-lift," says Archer.

"Deal," says Mark.

"I'm glad you came," says Addison.

"Me too, sis," says Archer, and he even offers her and Meredith an ice-cream to share, to celebrate them.

* * *

"Do you need a place to stay here, or…?" Addison says tentatively.

"Well, if you're offering," says Archer.

"He has to stay at the hospital," Derek laughs.

"Oh right," says Archer.

"Well, after that though, if you're around for a little we could find you someplace," says Meredith. "I mean, Addison and I have two places between us, so you could probably stay in one of them, if that's okay with Addison?" Meredith offers.

"Of course," says Addison. "We'll figure something out," she adds.

"Hey, he could crash at my hotel room and we could have a mad bachelor pad," offers Mark.

"Hey, not too much exertion after surgery!" Says Derek.

"Just some good old tv," says Mark.

"Alright then," says Derek, and Archer smiles at being so welcomed into this now expanded Seattle family.

* * *

After they drive Archer back to the hospital, and he is admitted, Meredith asks Addison where she'd like to stay for the night.

"Could we stay in the hospital? I don't want to go too far just in case," says Addison.

"Yeah, do you want me to stay with you?" Meredith offers.

"Could you?" Says Addison.

"Of course," says Meredith, as she runs off to fetch a few extra things from her locker.

Addison heads off to her office, and she finally decides that she'd like a drink of gin after this long day, so she pulls her keys from her pocket, and unlocks the drawer in her office.

And she's moved to tears when she finds Meredith's mixtape, dated from just before they'd started officially seeing each other, inside of it.

"Oh, Sugar," Addison smiles, as she pulls it out and starts playing it.

Addison is reminded of all of their happy memories eating junk food, and hanging out, and she's so glad that Meredith had been already thinking about her.

She smiles when she sees the 'secret admirer,' signature, and she basks in the sound as she waits for her girlfriend to return to her.

* * *

Things may be dark and scary sometimes, but Addison and Meredith are so glad that they can weather the storms together, and when Meredith tucks her in at night, Addison confesses to having found the CD today, and about how happy it made her.

"I found your little gift in my locker today, too," says Meredith, as she snuggles into her girlfriend's side.

"Cool," says Addison, smiling at the blonde as she starts nodding off.

"Sleep, it's okay to rest," says Meredith, as she kisses Addison once more before they go to sleep.

"Okay," says Addison, as she squeezes her girlfriend's hand, and wraps it around herself.

"Life is so full of surprises," Meredith murmurs as she rubs Addison's back to help her fall asleep that night.

"Mm, it is, and you're like, the best ever," says Addison, before she falls asleep for real this time.

"As are you," Meredith says as she tucks her head into Addison's.

_And by the time they wake up (because Richard and Bailey have been kind to them and have been letting them sleep through this), they are delighted to have already received a message that Archer's surgery had gone on without a hitch and that they could visit him later that day if they wanted._

* * *

*

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*

*

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***** **END OF CHAPTER 54**

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you're interested in a follow-up :) :) :) ! ! ! ! !

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